Is It Weird or Wrong to Be Friends with People You've Hooked Up With in the Past?

Relationships
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QUESTION:

"Weird question, but are you still friends with people who you hooked up with?

I talk to a few guys that I slept with, and my boyfriend thinks I shouldn’t talk to them…what should I do? They are just friends and have been just friends for years."

RELATED QUESTION: Am I wrong for wanting to meet my ex’s girlfriend?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

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“It’s just common sense to not talk to people you’ve had sex with if you’re in a relationship. Ask yourself the same question would you be ok if he has girlfriends he had sex with still talking to him.”

“I still talk to people I’ve hooked up with. We’re friends and work better that way anyway, it’s good having a friend I can go to for anything and not have to worry about judgment like with some girlfriends. I love my husband and talking to past exes means nothing more to both of us. I did have an ex once though that didn’t allow me to talk to any guys (even though I had never touched them). He turned into the most controlling guy and it escalated too quickly, so I wouldn’t stay with someone like that.”

“No. I used to. When I was single, I’d stay friends with some exes. Or friends with benefits. But, I got with my husband. And I stopped talking to them. Because I respected my husband and our relationship. He didn’t ask me to. He didn’t have to or have the chance to.”

“I agree with your boyfriend. I personally think it’s weird. I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from I mean if they were just your friends and nothing else happened between any of them I would say your boyfriend was just insecure but you had sexual relationships with these friends of yours… completely different than just a platonic friendship. How would you feel if he was still talking to his “friends” that he slept with?? Probably would be a completely different story. It’s about respect. Bottom line.”

“Out of respect for my husband, I do not maintain a relationship with anyone I’ve slept with. That goes both ways: I don’t want him chatting up some girl he slept with. Mutual respect.”

“I am friends with exes or hookups. When I am in a relationship I don’t tell my S/O that we slept together unless they ask. Everyone has a past and as long as y’all are just friends now I don’t see anything wrong with it.”

“If it makes your partner uncomfortable, don’t do it.”

“I’m still friends with someone I slept with before I was with my husband. We’re friends, no feelings. And my husband trusts me. I don’t think it’s weird, as long as no lines are crossed while hanging out together.”

“There’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong.’ There are only perspectives here. When it becomes an issue is when there are double standards. If you have different ideas of what’s acceptable and aren’t able to find a compromise, you just may not be compatible. Especially if this is one of many things that y’all feel very differently about and can’t compromise on. Relationships aren’t black and white. Every human is different… you have to find one that compliments you well.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

17 Likes
2

#ByeBoy
Any guy who tries to dictate who you talk to is insecure- let him
Go so he can grow.

10 Likes
3

It’s a respect thing

3 Likes
4

If he has girls who he slept with as friends it’s all good. If not, it looks like a slap in the face

2 Likes
5

I am friends with ex’s or hook ups. When I am in a relationship I don’t tell my S/O that we slept together unless they ask. Everyone has a past and as long as y’all are just friends now I don’t see anything wrong with it.

4 Likes
6

I used to think it wasn’t ok, but having an ex now who knows respect and boundaries, I think its fine, depends on the people, but if you’ve been mates for years, its all good.

7

It’s just common sense to not talk to people you’ve had sex with if you’re in a relationship. Ask yourself the same question would you be ok if he has girl friends he had sex with still talking to him M :woman_shrugging:

22 Likes
8

Past is the past. As long as you keep it that way. I am best friends with the guy I lost my virginity to. He and I both are in relationships and always keep in touch over the years. If anyone crosses the line, then I make it a point to say “see ya” out of respect.

9

There’s no “right” or “wrong”. There’s only perspectives here. When it becomes an issue is when there’s double standards. If you have different ideas of what’s acceptable and aren’t able to find a compromise, you just may not be compatible. Especially if this is one of many things that y’all feel very differently about and can’t compromise on. Relationships aren’t black and white. Every human is different… you have to find one that compliments you well.

2 Likes
10

He’s insecure. Dump him

3 Likes
11

Sorry,couldn’t help myself

15 Likes
12

I agree with your boyfriend. I personally think it’s weird. I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from I mean if they were just your friends and nothing else happened between any of them I would say your boyfriend was just insecure but you had sexual relationships with these friends of yours… completely different than just a platonic friendship. How would you feel if he was still talking to his “friends” that he slept with?? Probably would be a completely different story :woman_shrugging:t3: it’s about respect. Bottom line.

5 Likes
13

It’s about respect. You shouldnt talk to anyone you were involved with in the past.

2 Likes
14

My best friend is my x and my fiance and him are good friends to it’s all on how he feels

15

If your boyfriend is someone that you hope to marry someday…you should cut ties with these guys you’ve had sex with.

1 Like
16

2 of my best friends are guys I had slept with in the past. I’m not in a relationship now but when I talk to a perspective guy I always let them know I still talk to those 2 guys. If it was going to be serious and they weren’t comfortable I would for sure respect that and not talk to them.

1 Like
17

I still talk to people I’ve hooked up with… we’re friends and work better that way anyways, it’s good having a friend I can go to for anything and not have to worry about judgement like with some girl friends.
I love my husband and talking to past ex’s mean nothing more to both of us.

I did have an ex once though that didn’t allow me to talk to any guys… ( even though I had never touched them )
He turned into the most controlling guy and it escalated too quick, so I wouldn’t stay with someone like that…

4 Likes
18

You should get to talk to whoever you like. He shouldnt try and control who you talk to or what you do. I dont think its werid at all. If he. Has issues with It he would have to be gone. You need to.Dump him he will keep control who you talk to womem or guys even guys you havent had sex with you.

4 Likes
19

Nope me and my ex is best friends

1 Like
20

I’m still friends with someone I slept with before I was with my husband. We’re friends, no feelings. And my husband trusts me. I don’t think it’s weird, as long as no lines are crossed while hanging out together

2 Likes
21

I’m in the same situation so his friends come over daily and I can’t invite mine over when my guy is home or even go shopping with my friends. It’s getting old

22

No. I used too. When I was single, I’d stay friends with some ex’s. Or friends with benefits. But, I got with my husband. And I stopped talking to them. Because I respected my husband and our relationship. He didn’t ask me too. He didn’t have too or, have the chance too.

4 Likes
23

Yall can be friends when u don’t have a significant other … especially one knows yall fucked lbvs :joy::woman_shrugging:

24

If it makes your partner uncomfortable, don’t do it

7 Likes
25

I agree with your bf he shouldn’t be friends with exes either

3 Likes
26

Im still friends with a couple of ex’s. :person_shrugging:

27

If he doesn’t talk to anyone he’s had sex with before, then you should respect how he feels and what he wants from your relationship. If taking to those guys makes him uncomfortable, maybe just stop hanging out with them but don’t cut ties all together. Discuss with him what he wants but at the same time explain to him why you wouldn’t want to just stop talking to them if that’s what you want. I don’t think he’s controlling you, but he’s probably very uncomfortable with the fact that you’ve slept with these guys before and he’s a guy so he knows how some guys act, so he might think they are still trying to be with you.

1 Like
28

Your in the wrong poor fella,

1 Like
29

Depends on the situation, I would think it would be wrong to call or text them. But say you run into at a gas station, it’s not wrong. It really sucks if you live in a small town. My husband and I grew up in same neighborhood, didn’t meet until late teens, since he was older. Now married 12 years with 4 kids, in same neighborhood. Sometimes school functions and neighborhood gatherings are alittle wierd. We both had lives and partners before each other, and yeah I wish I could scrub that. Birthday parties are the worst. Lol but lessons learned do not raise a family where you had a few fun teenage years, move away.

30

If you were just a one night stand, they didn’t respect you in the first place. Don’t lose a relationship over some guys who wouldn’t give you a relationship.

3 Likes
31

It’s a respect thing. Especially if your other half asks you not to or doesnt feel comfortable with it than you shouldn’t do it

2 Likes
32

Out of respect for my husband i do not maintain a relationship with anyone ive slept with. That goes both ways i don’t want chatting up some girl he slept with. Mutual respect

4 Likes
33

I do not and will not our of respect ofy boyfriend. He does not and will not either.

1 Like
34

For me, out of respect of my partners feelings, I would just not hang out with that person. My partner would always come first. That’s just me and I would hope that my partner would put me and my feelings first. But then again. You guys aren’t married. It also makes a difference how serious you are with your partner and how long you have been together. I know some people will disagree with me and that’s fine. We are all different. :+1:t2:

1 Like
35

My old toy introduced me to my soon to be husband :joy: I’m still friends with those mature enough to be so

36

I have a couple of ex’s on my Facebook that I talk to even hang out with once in awhile

37

One of my best friends is an ex of mine. We still talk and hangout. My fiance became friends with him as soon as I introduced them. There is nothing wrong with being friends with someone you have hooked up with as long as it’s now just a friend situation and nothing more. Have you tried to introduce you boyfriend and him to let him see for himself there isn’t anything sexual between y’all still

38

If you can see yourself marrying your bf cut the others off!
Wait if you already don’t feel you need to than you’re better off to just call things off with your bf. I don’t mean any disrespect. It’s just simple to know when you know you are with your life partner you will cut anyone he or she sees as a threat to your relationship.

39

Nope, only my kid’s father. And he and my fiance get along well. In the beginning we talked about it and cut ties off with anyone we had hooked up with (but we also weren’t really friends with them, they were f buddies). I am friends with one ex bf from high school but we never hooked up.

It’s something you need to talk to your bf about. If you see him as a future husband then you need to respect him. Just like you would want to be respected. If your friends are more important to have around then try to have them all be friends/friendly and ask your bf to “give it a chance” at least.

40

I hooked up with my best friend and we’re still friends. Im single atm but even if i was with someone they wouldn’t know i hooked up with him cause it isnt their business and id still be friends with my best friend

41

my spouse my ex play D&D together… lol

42

I’m friends with my exes and I’m very lucky that my husband is very secure and trusts me as completely as I trust him.

43

How would you feel if the situation was reversed?

1 Like
44

There’s friends, being friendly, and being overly friendly. Honestly I’m not friends with any of my ex’s. I can’t do it. I can be friendly towards them in passing and that’s all.

1 Like
45

One of my closest friends is an ex. My husband is also his friend .

46

Your boyfriend cannot control who you hang out with an talk to .
If he makes you choose, choose ya friends save yourself some sanity .

5 Likes
47

If you respect your boyfriend you wouldnt talk to them…

16 Likes
48

How would you feel if the tables were turned and he was still talking to women he slept with?

11 Likes
49

No i personally don’t think it’s weird but a relationship is about coexisting with each other. He may not want to coexist with someone who does this. So it’s all about coming to an understanding, does he trust enough that you aren’t doing anything behind his back, are you able to stop to make him feel
Comfortable. Rules should definitely be talked about for former lovers in a current relationship.

3 Likes
50

Nope. Do not speak to any of them except for my kids’ father.

2 Likes
51

Leave the past in the past…

2 Likes
52

I’m 42 and from a small town so there’s a couple I speak to cuz we’ve been friends for over 20 years

1 Like
53

I think every situation is different. For example my husband had a girlfriend for 3 years and once it ended she married a friend of his and we have always been close with them. We have gone on vacations together, kids birthday parties, double dates, etc and it’s just not something that has ever been a problem. Most of my exs are losers and I have no desire to keep in touch with them but if the roll was reversed I don’t think it would be an issue :woman_shrugging:t3:

3 Likes
54

Still friends w everyone of them, to appease boyfriends that im.serious about, I’ll always ask them.to come with us when we hangout or vice versa

55

You have to pick your priorities If you can see a future with your boyfriend, you have to keep his feelings into account Figure out if you’d rather have your boyfriend or your friends It’s all up to you

56

I think it depends when you slept with them. Like if you slept with them a month before meeting your boyfriend MAYBE it’s weird. Or could easily be justified as weird. But if it was several years before your boyfriend then not weird at all.

2 Likes
57

I really dont think it’s a big deal. In my mind when it’s done romantically it’s done romantically. However if it’s making the other person feel weird then its respectful for the friendship to take a step back

58

Its disrespectful to him in my opinion. And if he’s putting himself out there and asking you not to and you keep doing it… maybe you don’t value what you have with him… I wouldn’t want my man talking to or spending time with people he’s slept with.

2 Likes
59

How would you feel if he did the same?

8 Likes
60

I think your boyfriend is right. You dont need to be friends with people you slept with if you have a new boyfriend. Dont think you would like it if he talked with and hung out with girls he used to have sex with.

12 Likes
61

That’s a hard one. I can see both points but I think your boyfriend is right. I’ve asked my husband not to talk to one of his old friends who had a relationship with. It seems disrespectful to me.

9 Likes
62

I am on good terms with many people I used to sleep with. But out of respect for my boyfriend I don’t go out of my way to speak to them and never hang out with them. He never asked me to do that I chose not to because I wouldn’t be comfortable with him doing that.

23 Likes
63

Not a chance!!!

If you slept together, there was some sort of feelings there. You can’t be friends with someone you’ve slept with when your now in a relationship.

Personal opinion, but I think it’s wrong & unfair on your partner. How would you feel if your partner was friends with the girls he had slept with? :woman_shrugging:t2:

17 Likes
64

You should respect your boyfriends feelings I mean it shouldn’t even be a question? Why are you making you man uncomfortable by having friendships with people you used to be intimate with?

11 Likes
65

So what? He does the same I guarantee.

2 Likes
66

I’d be upset too if my man was valuing a relationship with someone he used to be intimate with over my feelings

7 Likes
67

i would if i were single which i am lol but if i was in a relationship absolutely not. doesn’t matter if he is “probably” doing it, you don’t base your morals and values on someone else’s actions

1 Like
68

Fuck no. They need to go.

5 Likes
69

If you are the type of person that cannot be friends with even just one of your ex’s, that says more about you then it does him. Next, people change, and people grow, and sometimes they out grow each other. Which happened to me and my ex. We are still awesome friends, and better that way.

6 Likes
70

Why does he know who you slept with? I personally don’t think it’s a big deal to be friends

4 Likes
71

It’s inappropriate. How you you Luke it if your man was friends with the girls that he had sex with?

3 Likes
72

I’m friends with a couple of mine. My husband is friends with them too. It’s probably just a matter of trust

9 Likes
73

My opinion only. If you are asking this question then you have not stopped sleeping around. Please take no offense…my opinion only.

5 Likes
74

I’m friends with people I’ve slept with and my bf is friends with ppl he has slept with. Hell we are both friends with his x girlfriend who is also the one I’m gonna get to plan my bachelorette party. It’s all about consent on both sides…

3 Likes
75

I still have several people on my Facebook and that I’m in contact with that I’ve had relations with in the past. It was the past. I haven’t done anything to be untrustworthy, so I’m not going to get punished for something I didn’t do

hell, my last FWB and my boyfriend both were there helping me move out of my apartment

if my partner can’t handle the fact that I had a past, they are not the right partner for me.

i don’t care what my partner did in the past. As long as nothing happens outside of the predetermined boundaries that my partner and I agree to.

6 Likes
76

I mean, if you’re both okay with having contact with ex-partners, then yeah, go for it. If it’s troublesome, though, it’s worth a good conversation and maybe some compromises.

77

How would you HONESTLY feel if it were switched?

4 Likes
78

See I’m not petty, I have no issue with this at all :woman_shrugging:t4: it’s all about control!! If I were you I’d get out of that relationship, quick smart! Don’t let someone control you, just because they’re insecure.

4 Likes
79

Does he hang out with girls he used to be with?

80

I cut them allll out

3 Likes
81

no. your boyfriend should be more important. seems like you just like the attention from others

5 Likes
82

Being able to have platonic friendships with people like that is super healthy. Its called being an adult. Trust is a huge part of a relationship. If someone can’t trust you to respect them when you’re around other people it’s probably not going to be a relationship that lasts. Don’t feed into other people’s insecurities and don’t throw away friends either. There will always be another who is comfortable and accepting of you just as you are.

6 Likes
83

It all boils down to trust. I dont care who my husband talks to because I trust him. He doesn’t care who I talk to because he trusts me.

84

I am with a few of them. When there’s established boundaries it’s not so bad. We at one time had a physical relationship and now we don’t. It’s not a big deal and I’m not that insecure

85

In my experience it can’t work with your new man. They always get jealous. Hell ive had a guy friend for like 8 years now, 1 drunken night and even now my bfs dont like me talking to him. Hell his kid and mine play together.

86

I get that trust is supposed to be a key thing in relationships but like… why would you even want to… disrespectful.

7 Likes
87

Here’s the best rule to live by: If you’ve slept with someone or thought about sleeping with someone, unless there are children involved (that requires a communicative relationship) you shouldn’t be friends. It’s very disrespectful to your current relationship. It goes both ways though.

8 Likes
88

I’m friends with all my ex’s, on facebook and in person. If you were in a relationship and clearly liked the person for who they are before hand, why be bitter towards and cut them out after if you have both moved on?
I have no issue with my husband being friends with his ex’s either. :woman_shrugging: life’s too short for the drama

6 Likes
89

I’ve known my fiancé since we were 15. We used to hook up back in the day and then we found ourselves back in each other’s lives many many years later. We are both 47 now. He actually grew up with my ex-husband.
We see people we have both “dated” and “hooked up” with all the time both at social events and just around town. We share a huge amount of friends and acquaintances and our core group is basically the same bunch of people.
I’m not friends with any of my exes to the point where I talk to them on the phone or through texts but I’m friends with some of them on social media. If I were to see them, I’d definitely stop to talk and I know he’d do the same. We have been in plenty of social situations as a couple where people from both of our pasts have been there with us.
I don’t take any issue with it and either does he. We are adults and we trust each other.

90

It comes down to respect in the relationship and for your partner. Would you like it if the tables were turned? It’s not about control, unless he wouldn’t do the same for you than it is about control. If it’s causing a problem or he’s uncomfortable with it then why not help put him at ease? Who’s more important? Those friends or your man? Keeping people like that close to you while you’re in a serious relationship is disrespectful period.

1 Like
91

Umm…you fucked…you’re not just friends. :woman_shrugging:

3 Likes
92

I mean personally I’m friends with tons of exes, people I’ve slept with and hooked up with. I’m also happily with my fiancé/father of my children. He’s never cared or asked me to stop being friends with them. I’m even friends with somebody who’s virginity I took & his wife/him are both my friends and came to my baby shower. Lol

My relationship is all about trust, we don’t control each other. And boundaries are different for every relationship, personally we have no issue being friends with our past partners - BUT if he ever asked me to stop, I would. And I know if I asked him to stop then he would.

3 Likes
93

Some of these comments though… why don’t ya’ll just piss on your partner’s leg to mark your territory? Definitely some insecurities and possessiveness going on, that’s for sure

5 Likes
94

Would you be ok with your partner talking to girls that he has slept with in the past, ? And for him to continue to stay friends with them, and to contact them " because they are mates" ?

95

No I would never be disrespectful to my husband like that. We’ve both been cheated on in the past , and yes it fucked us up and we know that so we don’t go around talking to people who we’ve fucked in the past or are exes with…

2 Likes
96

Friendship is friendship.

97

Who cares it’s the past…If your relationship is solid doesn’t matter who your friends with. Trust!!!

98

He obviously doesn’t trust you when you say you are now just friends. My husband was friends with someone he slept with, was in a seriously relationship with, and my thoughts are that I wouldn’t be with him if I didn’t trust him and if he cheated on me with her then lesson learned WITH HIM. But I wouldn’t think every man that’s friends with an ex lover would do the same even if he did do it to me. If you’ve never done anything to him to deserve the lackof trust then why is he not trusting you? That’s on him. Don’t let him make you drop them as friends cuz he has trust issues that have nothing to do with you.

99

If your SO is uncomfortable listen, because you weren’t just friends with these guys, you hooked up, he wants distance between himself and them…Ask yourself, would you be ok if your SO was friends with past hook ups🤷🏻‍♀️

3 Likes
100

It honestly depends on the relationship and whether everyone can respect boundaries or not. My boyfriend and I are both really close friends with one of my exes and my ex’s family. My ex calls my and my boyfriend’s kids his nephews, and his parents call them their grandchildren. We all know the boundaries and respect them, my boyfriend trusts me and my ex alone together, but we also have spent a LOT of time where it’s all three of us (or 4 if his girlfriend was with). Not every ex can respect boundaries like that though. For the most part I think it’s possible to have a healthy friendship with an ex, it just depends on the people involved.