She sounds like a control freak to me. Don’t walk away, RUN as fast as you can out of that relationship. Your daughter should always be number 1 and there should NEVER be any questions about that.
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I totally believe in spanking a child if needed also to explain to the child that there was consequences and there will always be consequences no matter how old they get
Willingness to leave your child unattended and locked in a car is unreal to me I can’t wrap my mind around that totally wrong good for you that is a battle worth having even when you know you must pick and choose your battles for the sake of a relationship
I know as a parent dealing with a sick baby can raise stress in the parents relationship
Please consider your daughter and yourself in the long term
This is an abusive toxic relationship style
Don’t get caught up in one
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Always put your children first … if i was in your situation i would leave my childs happiness and well-being comes first
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Leave! Just the thought of leaving a child in the car is crazy! What does she do when you aren’t home? Your child will always come first.
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Sounds like she is jealous of your daughter. It’s a huge red flag.
My mother picked a husband over me and was the same situation. I have never forgotten it!
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You are right in saying your daughter is your number one priority. Just the thought of leaving a child in a car terrifies me. I would be concerned about your partners judgement, which appears very poor. She may be projecting relationship issues onto your daughter and yourself. You must address all of this immediately and positive change must ensue. I know you will do all that is necessary.
First and foremost it is illegal to leave your child in the car while you go grocery shopping you could’ve lost her and ended up in jail!Sounds to me she isn’t ready to be a parent full time. I would move on it is just going to effect your daughter in the end!
I have read Red Flags all through this, sounds toxic.
- Your responsibility is to Your daughter, love that you see reasoning and explaining is good.
- Your love for your partner will not replace damage to your daughter at any cost.
- Sounds like you are of sound judgement and have made a decision to go forward with your own strength… very good.
- Never be afraid to seek help to secure your future, it is positive. Put distance between you and danger. Jealousy is dangerous.
You can do this
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Let me put it to you this way! If you hadn’t been with her she would have left your daughter in the car and went shopping! Anything could have happened! As a parent your children are your world. You know what you need to do your just scared!
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If you love your daughter, get her a safe place to live, or stay where you are and watch her go into a shell, it is really up to you. I pray you keep your daughter safe.
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Control, gaslighting, emotional abuse are issues you might want to research.
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If you writing about your relationship like this it’s already over. You’re ready to leave you just want someone else to say it’s okay to leave. Think what’s best for you and your daughter.
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Red flag for me is thinking its ok to leave a child with the vehicle running even if its locked… someone can still break in and drive away. Never ok. Children come first and seems like they don’t care how you feel. Yes relationships are not easy but having little respect for a child loses my respect for that adult. Sounds like your better off and if you are writing this I think you know the right answer. You can do this. Get out!
Your daughter is only 2 years old she shouldn’t be subjected to this as an adult we can and we do make choices children however are reliant on us as adults to keep them emotionally mentally and physically safe. However hard it may be your daughter needs you to protect her and that means you and your daughter must move away from this harsh environment it is not safe for your daughter please be a strong parent move on with your daughter now. X
Retired child protective social worker here.
GET. OUT. NOW!
get support from your local domestic violence center. They may be able to help with temporary shelter for you and your child until you can get her to leave. This is a TOXIC RELATIONSHIP!
Do you realize she was trying to talk you into leaving your child in a car totally unprotected from anyone? If you had done so, you would have tied up in the courts charged with abuse and neglect. The state would have taken custody of your child and you would be jumping through hoops just to get her back. Is this selfish woman who proclaims to “love” you both worth you making the concessions and losing your child?
You made the right decision now continue to do so and get the f away from her and her drama!
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Why is this situation even a question? Please get OUT and protect your 2 year old baby. This “girlfriend” is not worth waiting around and have something happen to your baby. Any situation of this kind will always be scary and hard for a single mother, it’s also better to play it safe on time before it’s to late. By all means, please do NOT plan to leave baby under your “girlfriends” care at all…not a smart move. You and your daughter deserve better.
Go. Now. As fast as you can Or at least have a plan to leave as fast as you can A grown woman should have no trouble moving to the couch by herself or going into the grocery store by herself so that a child is taken. Are of. Seems to me you have two children. You need to be the adult and take care of the real child and yourself. Go
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Take your daughter and get out of there. This girlfriend doesn’t love your daughter. She tolerates her. It sounds like she might actually be jealous. Whatever get out with your daughter. If she’s not the mother she has no custody rights.
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It sounds more like you are the older more mature one in your relationship! Run, do not walk and get away from her. Anyone who would suggest leaving a two year old alone in a car cannot be trusted to ever be left alone with her. She is obviously jealous of your daughter and that will never be a good. Why can’t she sleep alone in the other room?? She is 31 years old. Nothing about this sounds safe to me. Please take your daughter and go:pray:t2:
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Sounds like shes only dealing with the child because shes with you sorry to put it like that but thats not a relationship you nor your daughter should be in being its not good for either of yall
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you need to get yourself and your baby girl away from this toxic person asap~you do not want her teaching your daughter that to feel loved she must always give into a mean controlling person~that girl loves no one but herself and she wants you to get rid of the baby~get out before she gets so angry she starts hitting you when you don’t agree with her~she is escallating to that direction~love isn’t one sided and you don’t need to be on a roller coaster of emotions when you are in a good relationship with someone who truly loves you~the right one is out there but this one isn’t it~
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Run… everything else aside she is ok with the leaving a child alone in a car…absolutely fucking not. And might I point out she is holding your love for your daughter against you saying the things she does.
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First off a two year old is not spankable. Do not allow her to strike your child. I would be very cautious of her especially if she has a temper problem. Do what’s best for the child
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Do not let anyone rule with fear smacking and hitting a definite no no
It’s totally cruel and no way to rear a child
They need love and commitment rule with kindness
No one should correct a child until they love them
I would get out and quickly please get your precious child out of harms way
There is no way I would put anyone over my child if she can’t handle the life you have offered her she really needs to go before the baby gets hurt. Who’s to say when you are at work what she would do to your child would she go shopping and leave her in the car buy her self or even leave her home alone if she is in one of her moods there is always someone else who can take her place
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She will never love your child as much as you do. Sounds like you are on the line between leaving and staying. You have given us enough info to see She is all about her and what she wants. Don’t wait too long to leave this has to be affecting your baby. Don’t look back focus on what you and your child need. Life is too short to walk on egg shells everyday.
Run for the hills those are past red flags guy. A women is “suppose” to be nurturing and be sympathetic. She sounds cold n heartless. It is absolutely NEVER ok to leave a child in a car. You are the protector of your child you are her daddy be a man (I say this lovingly) leave that women and create a safe loving home for you and your daughter. It will just get worse if you stay. Wish you well.
Your daughter is first priority. This “friend” really doesn’t care about your daughter (or you) and one way or another she will end up hurting your daughter. She is already trying to make you pick btwn her or your daughter and making it clear she wants to be first in your life even when your child is ill. That ain’t love Listen to all these ladies! Get out of there and don’t look back!
You already answered your question sweety with all your explanations - your daughter is and always will be your number one priority and good on you for standing by her and protecting her! I dealt with this type of treatment from my childrens’ father and even though it took me awhile to say bye bye to him - I did!! You and your daughter deserve to live comfortable and not on pins and needles all the time! You know what you want and you know what is right for your child and her safety - stand by that sweety!! Time to do it alone - just you and your daughter - and you WILL BE FINE!!! You got this!!
In my opinion she is NOT good for your daughter, she will not change!!! She is abusive, get out now!!!
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In my opinion leave her, if she would lock your daughter in a car that is running and will get carbon monoxide poisoning and possibly die. I would have left her right then and there. Just my opinion.
She sounds like a narcissist. Not a good situation for you or your daughter. It never gets better it will get worse and can turn violent. Please leave it is very detrimental to your child.
Document everything and get an attorney for custody of your daughter. I shudder to think she would be in charge of a child. People dont change. She doesn’t have any maternal instincts. Move far away.
Why is ANY of this OKAY with you? ANY of it! It is also a VERY TOXIC environment for your daughter, who really has NO CHOICE in the matter, BUT YOY DO! Get help for yourself; counseling, therapy, etc. Work on your OWN past issues. Then Empower yourself with SELF-LOVE & SELF-RESPECT! Set boundaries for yourself based on that. I repeat, this environment is NOT HEALTHY FOR YOUR DAUGHTER and may have consequences that SHE will have to resolve.
Forget red flags… these are Huge Danger signs!
Your number one priority is your child. Nobody should be laying hands on your child.
I do not lay hands on my children so I’m dam sure Nobody else will, I ended a relationship because the other person saw fit to hit my 6 year old.
This isn’t a healthy environment for your little one.
Yes, run as fast as you can, she is going to make you miserable, you are already, go, run as fast as you can. She is NOT going to change.
Good luck. Do it now.
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Truly, your daughter must come first in your situation. Your girlfriend is not going to be a great parent for your daughter, especially because you two are not on the same page with parenting techniques. For the record, I agree with your way of parenting. Violence is never an answer, for me. Your girlfriend isn’t bad, just simply isn’t the right fit for u and your daughter. Yes, there are many red flags, don’t waste precious years. Your daughters well-being and happiness is on the line and you are prolonging the inevitable. Also, don’t ever feel bad for being sensitive, that means you are caring. If you feel crazy in your relationship, that is the biggest sign you have to break free. Also, I detect some emotional abuse, from your partner. Raise your daughter to be a strong independent girl, not afraid to make hard choices. Set the example, BE the example! Don’t be afraid to make it on your own. You got this! If u have to ask, you already know!! You seem like an awesome mom and partner. Don’t 2nd guess.
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Leave now… she doesn’t truly love YOUR DAUGHTER She just wants to keep you… trust me if you don’t now you will later … OUR KIDS COME FIRST…
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Yes run a life of misery for you and daughter if you don’t get out locking kid in car scenario would of been enough and no one should have to choose kid over mate kids get sick they want comfort not isolation etc
She is a girlfriend not the child’s father she does not have a right to any say you are the mother you are responsible for putting her first you know deep down she is not handling things right and if you allow it to continue you may lose your own rights to your child
You indicate that you are not legally married and that the child is yours so I’m not sure if your gf has any legal rights or hold on either one of you. I would check with an attorney first but please please get out of that toxic relationship. It will ruin your daughter’s life. She is still young enough to “get over” it. Especially if you find a sane partner.
If you’re having to ask these ?'s & looking for advise or help you need to get the hell out!!! If your girlfriend is wanting to leave your child in the car while your shopping bc she’s asleep that’s concerning…if she can’t handle her coughing & getting upset @ night & wants you to sleep on the couch w/ her & not the baby that’s concerning…if she’s spanking your 2 yr old & not explaining to her instead of what she’s in trouble for that’s concerning…RED FLAGS ALL OVER…
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First is the baby both yours or was she born before this(biologically yours and someone else’s) if that’s the case she should not have any say about your baby,but anyway I would Run as fast and as far from this relationship as I could possibly go, doesn’t sound to me like she’s stable or trustworthy to be near that baby,Just get out before she does harm to that sweet baby
The fact she wated to leave your baby locked in the car at night to go shop says it all. Get out before she actually does this without you… She’s not a good parent and doesnt deserve the tittle she was blessed with.
This is not an “our daughter” relationship. She is YOUR daughter and you have an obligation to make sure she is SAFE! Your partner is selfish and insensitive to a two year old …shd seems to be testing who you put first. Since when is it appropriate to be harsh to two year old OR leave them in car. For a 31 year d to be this immature, indicates in my Opinion, a lack of caring for anyone beside herself. Staying in such a relationship with a child, would be a huge mistake and would eventually lead to serious repercussions for YOUR child.
Before she hits her to hard and your both in jail. Please get that baby out of there . Trust me in will get worse not better. And she going hurt that baby one day when your back turn
Why are you still w this woman. I stopped reading ur story after the part of locking ur child in the car while you shop. Already there were so many red flags thru ur story. But that stopped me dead. Gbye can’t be fast enough. You and your daughter need to put that woman in your rearview and you are correct, ur daughter comes 1st and never ever EVER leave ur child unattended in a car. Never!!! End of discussion for me.
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I was married to someone that was of that same mindset. I picked up my daughter and walked out and never looked back. That person will never change.
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RED FLAG 
your daughter will learn to hit and bully. Or she will be hit, or worse, and be bullied. Toxic relationship. Your daughter is watching your toxic interactions with your partner. Although your daughter may not have the words to express her sadness/anger you will see them in her behavior. Leave the relationship. Don’t play the “what if” game.
she is WAY wrong!!! How do you think she will act if you get disabled? She won’t have time to care for you. That said… why do you want her toxic behavior in you and your daughters lives…?
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If your daughter is your daughter then leave her. She is not going to change. And kids don’t stop being tough as they get older, it just mutates into a different tough. And you are a great mom for making your little one your #1. I wish you and your little gal all the very best. I’m positive you will make the right decision. Stay strong mama bear!!! 
You need to get out. Sounds like things are getting worse and she is more controling. Check quietly for options so there is a plan in place. You need to get somewhere safe with your daughter.
Your child will always come first if your a good momma. Spanking is the last resort and I’m a hell of a whole lot older than your girlfriend. She has the mindset to inflict harm not positive corrective. And as for leaving your child in the car. What the hell is wrong with her!!! Drop her like a hot potato. There are other fish in the sea.
Run, run as fast as you can. Everything is a red flag, but the biggest one that shows her true self is being mad at you for wanting to sleep in the room with your sick daughter. Just run
She’s not a positive influence for you or your daughter. She’s controlling you with her anger and negativity. She’s definitely someone I’d run from without hesitation. She’s controlling you with her negative influence and that’s so very wrong. She sounds abusive!
Get out! Get out! Get out! Everything about this relationship is wrong. It is toxic and dangerous. It will also have a huge impact on your child’s self esteem. You can make it without her. Think it through, have a plan, take care of your checking account ~ and leave. Even if you have to go to a Domestic Violence Women’s Safe House temporarily that is an option. They will help you.
Some people might not agree but I have always put my children first. I brought them into this world and I feel responsible for them to give them the best chance in life. I’m not responsible for my significant other or spouse. You’ll probably never agree on how to raise your child. People are usually different when it’s their own child, Not all, but when it’s your blood there seems to be a different attitude if you’re a good parent. Hopefully you won’t stay in a situation that will probably end up getting worse. Good luck to you and your daughter
It’s not your job to fix her attitude, that comment about you being too sensitive, that’s a comment narcissist used to gain control, make you feel like it’s your fault. I see how your being responsible and I agree with what you said about the spanking. It’s totally unnecessary. There are normal ways of handling situations. Keep standing up for yourself and your daughter.
Wow! Common sense!!! You are putting your child in danger full well witnessing her action. You are just as guilty. Children learn what they live. Sad N discussing. How do you sleep at night knowing you put you daughter in harms way!
, and have to ask advice for this behavior.
She is a control freak, things will get worse. Move out now for the sake of your child and your own sanity. I was married to .a.man like her and it took me years to recover and become my own person again and it affected my children .
Deep in the pit of your stomach you know that you cannot stay with her. Don’t keep saying, yeah but . . . as you try to rationalize her behavior. You need a grown up for a solid relationship. She’s just a big baby that would sacrifice the well being of your daughter so she can be first. She can’t be first and as a result your relationship will never work.
I’m sorry you are in the middle of this but your 2 year old comes first.
She’s borderline abusive to your daughter. You need to leave NOW, not for you but for your daughter. If you love your daughter, do the right thing.
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Girl leave now it’s not working seems like she really don’t want any kids around her so why put you and your daughter in any more situations
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If you wouldn’t “dare say it to her face” then you already chose someone over your daughter. Every time you allow her to do something that goes against your instincts as a parent, you are choosing someone over your daughter. Every time you excuse her behavior, you are choosing someone over your daughter.
It’s super simple. Start choosing your daughter and leave that person behind.
You already KNOW the answer to your questions. You need to be OUT of that relationship NOW! Not only are you at risk but your daughter is at HIGH risk for abuse from your partner. Your partner has shown her true colors and she is not going to change because she narcissisticly believes she has done nothing wrong and even if she did do wrong she will never acknowledge it and will continue to make you feel insecure, feeling like you are the problem and make you think you are the crazy one. I say RUN not walk to the nearest exit!!!
And this why you single moms NEVER leave your children alone with your partners. You will only have yourself to blame if she is harmed. You admitted to seeing red flags just now. Remove her from your hone. She us not a safe person for your child. Yes, you pick your child over partner EVERY DAMN TIME!
Get out of that relationship quick.You must know your self that the relationship is wrong , otherwise you wouldn’t ask others for their opinion.use your own intuition
I would have a hard time with a ‘my way or the highway’ friendship with this ‘control -freak’ girlfriend😱’! I would tell her to hit the highway or find a more balanced way- and place-to live with my daughter, out of this environment!
Red flags 
the things she is saying are classic narcissist
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Definitely see a lawyer get full custody and give her visitation with supervision. You or the child doesn’t need harshness
Your girlfriend is a child-abuser in the making; she appears to be envious of your daughter & clearly wants HER needs met above yours or those of your daughter! Plain & simple! You should NOT leave your daughter alone or under care of girlfriend. You would be wise to assess your financial situation; talk to a counselor, talk to an attorney; discuss situation with child protective services & be prepared to live without the girlfriend. Remember “YOU can be charged for allowing child abuse! It is your duty to protect your child! I wish your daughter well as well as you, if you stay or leave that poisonous relationship! That’s what it is. You are clearly not happy. How can you care for someone has no regard for human life—your daughter’s. Wake up! Get help NOW.
First and foremost, she shouldn’t be the Disciplinarian! She, at best is a Host. You are the parent and your child is number one. You decide, not her, how to discipline!
I live with my 2 daughters. Between them both we raise 4 grandchildren. Four completely different personalities. What makes it work is we have developed a United front when it comes to decisions of their well being. We support each other as far as their discipline. We also agree not to discuss if we are in disagreement in front of them. However I being the grandmother have learned not to interfere with strictly mother and child situations. I trust them to make their own decisions concerning them. Corporal punishment is tricky. I dont want the children to think that when someone does something they dont agree with that it is ok to strike them. I hope this helps.
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Run as fast as u can …you r right about taking care of ur child…she sounds really narcissistic…shes always right, you 're the crazy one…it will only get worse, i promise…btw…I would never leave her alone with your child…your child…you r responsible for what happens to that baby…run & dont look back
You know what you should do. Get out of there. This is not a good relationship.
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Dump her now! She’s not your daughters mother or she wouldn’t act that way! Your child always comes first! Easy decision!
Sounds like she is more mad then happy and she blames your daughter. That’s not a safe inviroment for your daughter as young as she is. If she is so tired then she can sleep on the couch. Your BABY’s health is more important than her sleep.
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Just because she is 10 years older does not make her right and you wrong. However, it sounds like that is what she believes. You have to decide if being with her is what you really want. Frankly, in any relationship where you are always made to feel you are in the wrong and inferior is NOT healthy for you or your daughter. She is not worth your self-respect, and that is the least she will take from you. You and especially your daughter deserve much better.
A person will never change if they don’t see their way is wrong you’re fighting a losing battle. Good luck I hope she listens at some point or another.
You are and will always be your child’s best advocate. And if you are having to advocate and reason with your partner over your child who is only 3, then that is a no brainer. She obviously has no interest in your child’s well being or yours other than her own.
Pack up and get out of there, you have definitely taken in way more than I would ever have.
Best of luck!
If you say you’ll pick your daughter over her any day…well this is the time…leave for her safety and yourself…
Get out NOW she’s a control freak and it will eventually be her or your daughter or her winding up abusing your daughter to get back at you. Don’t walk away RUN you and your daughter deserve better than her. Marriage is a compromise not one person always right. She is not going to change and sounds like she is extremely jealous of your daughter. Your child is your first priority and always should be until she’s old enough to take care of herself.
Yes dear, remove yourself and your sweet, precious daughter out of this dangerous situation. Your daughters well being and safety is very apparent not her first priority. You are‼️
So sorry you are going through this. Please get mental health support from a professional specializing in abusive relationships.
You can do it! I know you can.
Leave ! She sounds controlling & jealous & definitely not good for you or your daughter you would and are totally smart to leave there’s someone better out there for you she sounds very insecure
Huge red flags!!! But I think you already know what you need to do!!
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Big Big Red flag you know what to do don’t let your daughter pay for your mistakes your not married to her and the child is not hers it’s been two years and what runnnnnnnn and don’t look back and wait pray and ask God for your wife if you don’t Jesus ask him to come in your heart ask forgiveness and wait life happy with your daughter until the right one come amen bless you
You knew as you were writing this what the answer is, It’s scary being a single parent…but the situation you are now in is super Toxic, narcissistic and controlling, there are shelters and places you can go, Your daughter is your first priority! Make some calls, figure a way to leave soon!! You don’t have to explain anything just go…the sooner the better
This was me a year ago. Its not going to change no matter how many conversations you have with her. Leaving now while your daughter is young enough to forget is your best bet. I didn’t leave until my son was 5 and at that point it’s harder to leave because the relationship has been made on both sides
Once a parent you have to put your child first always and you are not wrong if you break up. Her attitude will ultimately make you lose you self confidence and make you depressive
It will also have a very negative impact on your child’s mental health. This is not a healthy relationship
When I became a grandmother, my Grandmother sat me down and told me that now that I am a mother, I will always be a mother first and last! She said that it will always be my job to protect my children from everyone and that included their father. I was offended by what she said and defended my husband but I didn’t fully understand what she meant until a little while later and I saw it in different ways. The first was the different parenting styles and mind you I thought we were on the same page with regard to parenting before we even started having kids. The stuff she describes her partner saying are signs that she is not in it for the long haul and she should not be allowed in you and your precious baby’s life.
She sound like a straight up b***h! Definitely toxic behavior and Definitely red flags when it comes to your daughter. Trust your gut with this stand your ground with your way of parenting! Every does have there own individual views on how to parent but there’s also right and wrong and Definitely leaving a child in a car alone is wrong and the sulking because of not being Abel to sleep because your daughter is sick is just childish
What are the laws and procedures where you live around leaving a child alone in a vehicle. In many places the procedure is to remove children from the home and place them in the care of the state agency that cares for children and youth. In some places it’s a criminal offence and the adults are charged and get a criminal record to go along with loosing custody of their child/ children.
Leave… it’s not going to get better. Counseling might help but most people with that mindset refuse or still won’t do what they discuss in counseling… the fights will get worse with your daughter in the middle… I grew up in a house like that and it was horrible and scary… leaving is the best thing you can do for you and your daughter.
Not a good relationship…Shes not a mom and does not get it…leave a child in a car a major bell should go off in your head because you will never be able to trust yourself leaving your child.with her alone…she should not spank your child…she should not make decisions on parenting your child…and if you are that unsure of her ways…you are in the wrong relationship…get out of it…find. A place and be happy with your child and one day the right person will come along that will be good for both you and your daughter…
wow, you have to think on this one…She is in the wrong, and the best you could do for you and your child is to pack up and leave. She is not a good parent, and leaving a child in an unattended vehicle is against the law. Take your daughter and make other arrangements for her.
This literally shouldn’t even be asked is this a RED FLAG! Are you even serious right now, she’s not y’all’s daughter she’s yours. I wouldn’t have this women around her if your life depended on it.
Listen to Your own Voice for You and your Daughters Sake Video her Rants if You can and Run with Your Daughter to a Lawyer with that Proof. Your Girlfriend has Major Psychological Problems
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Why are you staying??? Reread…slowly…. all that you wrote & ask yourself why you are staying with a person who mistreats your precious child! Yes, mistreats! Shame on you if you decide to stay.
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