I would never let anyone treat MY children like that! Why should YOUR daughter feel like a burden because of your older gf?? She’s your child!!! If you want to protect her then don’t let someone who makes her out to be nothing but an annoyance treat her like that! Honestly YOUR daughter isn’t an Inconvenience she’s a human being!
Narcissistic behaviour ….RUN
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Dont walk away… RUN.
That’s called gaslighting. Would you take this from a man? From your daughter’s father? Leave. Now.
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You are doing the right thing by putting your baby first, that’s what good parents do. Your girlfriend didn’t birth that baby, not saying she isn’t connected to your daughter in some way, but you have your mama instincts and I’m sorry but she is in the wrong here. I would never slap a 2yr old, they are far too young to understand what it is you are smacking them for…or leave them in the CAR?!?!?! 
sounds like your gf wants to be your number one and your baby is just a nuisance to her. I’m sorry to say it but I would leave.
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I hope you never leave your baby with her alone… I would leave.
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Everything’s already been said that needs to be. You’re not compatible. She’s too immature and ISN’T a parent. If she hasn’t matured and grown into parenthood with you in these 2 years, she’s not going to because she doesn’t want to. She’s giving you all the signs she’s not a parent. She might have love for your child but she doesn’t LOVE her. She needs someone without a child and to grow up. You need to learn about your codependent behavior, love and care properly for your baby and find someone that isn’t an immature mess. You NEED to end this relationship before your child gets hurt. NEVER leave them alone together! My ex did these things, I left and he wanted to still be a parent to her so I let him have visitation WITH his mother being the primary person to care for her while they were together. Everything seemed great at first then suddenly her behavior changed and if he hadn’t of physically left a mark I wouldn’t have known/realized he had groomed her and he was sexually and physically abusing my child. It took 2 years to get the state to acknowledge what he did and 4 years later they still won’t press criminal charges against him even with the physical evidence. The signs are right in front of your face. PLEASE don’t ignore them! I was so overworked and practically a zombie that I completely missed the signs and I’ve never regretted anything more in my life. I failed my child. Don’t fail yours. Spend all the time you can just one on one with her. Those were some of the best days of our lives when it was just us 2, don’t rush to find anyone else and LIVE in the moment.
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Read your story again
And yourself will see the red flags
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So she’s a bully and is deliberately neglectful of a 2 year old. I bet that " she gets mean and nasty" means she is verbally and emotionally abusive as well. Those aren’t red flags that’s the whole darn field. Please get your child out of there.
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Leave. She obviously doesn’t love your daughter as her own as she says. She also is holding resentment against your toddler. Your girlfriend’s poor mindset (i.e. leave the toddler in the car) will cause someone to get hurt or worse… run !
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Take your child and get the hell away… And never return…
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Take YOUR daughter and get out! You will both be much happier.
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Always put your daughter 1st, you would not put up with this from a man, you know what to do.
Been in on that conversation before… I’m sorry but please leave , it doesn’t feel safe
Get out now, and never leave her alone with your daughter.
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All good mothers put thier children FIRST! DON’T WALK! RUN!!!
Your partner sounds narcissistic and if she is suggesting leaving the baby in the car to you while you’re with her then she wouldn’t hesitate to leave her in the car if you’re not with her at the store. That alone would do it for me.
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She sounds awful. You should always pick your kid first and get away from people that are toxic for your child. She’s a grown adult and can’t go sleep on the couch alone? She thinks it’s ok to leave a child alone in a car? She’s not a great parent and doesn’t deserve anymore chances.
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She has no kids and it shows. Your not wrong for putting your kid before her, and if she’s upset about that well she’s about to have a rude awakening. I would leave she’s clearly not mature enough to be a step mom. And to say lets leave a kid in the car is dumb af! She sounds really immature even though she’s older. It might suck leaving but she’s got a lot of growing up to do if she wants to be with you. Just my thoughts
She sounds like a narcissist and is full of red flags. Run, don’t walk as fast as you can. If she tries to get you to make decisions about your daughter like that when you’re there and disagreeing, just think what could happen if you aren’t with them. My children will always come first.
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sounds like you have a narcissist
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For your sake and especially for your daughter’s sake get rid of the b**** she’s going to do nothing but hurt you and your daughter not her daughter your daughter and it’s made very playing in the conversation trust me God bless you sweetie get out now
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This lady needs to go.
You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. You sound like a really good mom, You can see the signs and red flags… I think you already know the answer.
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My current boyfriend now has spanked my kids (from a previous relationship) I told him that is not the way I punish my kids, im just like you girl… I try to talk the kids to explain things. He told me that the way I’m parenting my kids isnt working so he feels like he needs to step in and take charge. I told him that he will NEVER place another hand on my children and that was that. He hasnt since because thankfully he respected me as THEIR MOM. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, will spank my child. That’s showing the child this person has the ok from the mother to, in their eyes hurt them. After taking DV classes from my last relationship and making sure my children arent around anyone abusive, that was 1 thing they mentioned.
I told my current boyfriend, if he ever does anything out of my parenting ways before talking with me… I’m out. And we have a child together even… but my kids will NOT be raised this way.
… also, what person would ever think it’s ok to leave a 2yo in the vehicle alone?! 
You got this girl.
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She sounds like a narcissistic. Take YOUR daughter and leave. Things won’t get better
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No no no. Do NOT let someone else diminish your side or your point of view. Especially when it comes to YOUR child. Mom to 3 boys here and I’m here to tell you that YOU are in the RIGHT and she is WRONG WRONG WRONG. These are the biggest red flags ever tbh. Don’t sit around waiting on more red flags either. Where you are young, she thinks she’s smarter than you. But she’s not. Who the hell tries to leave a 2 year old in a car. It sounds to me like she’s jealous over your daughter or too immature to be apart of her life. Also, my kids just got over the worst croupy cough. They had strep so I’d def get her swabbed to see. It’s going around like wildfire.
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Leave her you should have done it before
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It shouldnt even be a question as what to do! RUN
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Walk away. She doesn’t need you holding her hand every second of everyday. She is putting her own needs before your daughters. That is a huge red flag. Never is it ok to leave a child in a car alone. She could have just gone shopping by herself with you in the car with your little one while she sleeps. She is so selfish, not even caring about the child being sick. Don’t let her keep dragging you along.
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She could’ve slept on the couch. Your daughter is sick…I would also lose my mind if my current boyfriend ever hit my daughter
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You need to dump her ass TODAY
She’s not GOOD FOR YOUR DAUGHTER…Soon your daughter will understand the things girlfriend is saying and SHE WANTS TO CONTROL YOU & YOUR DAUGHTER…NOT GOOD!
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First your feelings are Valid no matter what. Second you need to think about what your daughter is seeing, is this how you want her to view future relationships. Third if you don’t agree on parenting and this is a on going issue and hasn’t been worked out by now I think you need to reevaluate what you want in your daughters life. Also what kind of partner do you want.
Constant fighting about parenting is not normal.
Honestly when she is having a bad day she shouldn’t be taking that out on a child or you.
She is showing you who she is believe her.
I would personally either try couples counseling if she refuses then that’s your answer.
Walk away
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Are they red flags? The whole sky is Full of them! Please leave and take your daughter away from this person.
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She’s the bad guy. Your child is innocent. Your child comes first.
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i Was Gonna Say Something along The Lines of “How Dumb Can You Be To Even Question Staying With This Devil Woman!” But i Recognize The Gas Lighting & abuse She is Throwing at You. & How That Makes Situations Like This So Difficult.
But Seriously Girl, if You Don’t Leave NOW, Something Very Bad is Going To Happen…
i Know it’s Hard, But You Need To Grow up & Stick up For Yourself & Your Daughter.
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Wrong fucking question. The question to ask is “is this how I want my child to grow up to be.” By staying your telling your child it’s okey to be ABUSIVE and IRRESPONSIBLE. Your also showing your child that the relationship your in is the type she should have so really is that the example you want to show your child. She’s not a good mum your just lying to yourself if you think that sometimes being good is more important then if they are being toxic. Leaving your child in a car is a CRIMINAL ACT she legit tried to commit child abuse and you still think she loves and cares for your child that’s just bullshit.
You didn’t choose your daughter and every day you continue to let this woman abuse both of you then your still not choosing your daughter, not her health not her safety and definitely not choosing for your daughter to be raised in a healthy environment. You ARE choosing her over your daughter!!
Leave. Put your daughter first. This woman is no good for her.
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Your baby will always come first and it isn’t always easy walking away, but if she cannot respect the way you choose to parent and understand why you choose to parent that way she needs to go, if there are time where she suggests putting your daughter in a potentially unsafe situation then gets mad at you because you do not agree imagine what could happen when you are not around, it’s time to out your foot down girl, it’s not about you being the bad guy or how she feels about it, it’s about you and your babies safety and doing what’s best for you and your kiddo, because at the end of the day she’s a grown ass adult and not your responsibility but your daughter is your responsibility and cannot stand up for herself or take care of herself, your GF sounds toxic and manipulative. You and your baby deserve better queen.
Put your foot down and RUN!!!
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Yes ABSOLUTELY RED flags across the board! NO you don’t leave ANY child in the car to go shopping you take the child in with You PERIOD!
SLEEPLESS Nights are in FACT a part of Parenting
Your child is SICK, your place is with your CHILD
THIS WOMAN HAS NO CHILDREN, She can have an OPINION all she likes, the FINAL DECISION IS UP TO THE PARENT AND SHOULD BE RESPECTED PERIOD!
I would pack my shit and LEAVE!
I agree with most everyone else. But thank you for being one if the few posters on this page to actually sound like an awesome mom , and like you actually have a brain!
No woman is worth making ur daughter feel like shit …ur afraid to tel her that it child comes 1st:exploding_head:
…take ur daughter n run cos even if she does slightly care abt u she doesn’t care about ur daughter at all
You’re in the wrong relationship to begin with marry a good man if you can find one
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I’m sorry, I stopped reading after “ I will always choose my daughter”.
Of course you will, that is YOUR BABY FOR LIFE! Relationships come and go but a child you bring into the world is a life long commitment. The parenting doesn’t stop once they become of age. It just changes and they become more independent. Mama’s advice and role model skills will always be needed.
It’s wonderful that your girl has taken on the other parental role in your daughters life. More often than not you don’t see it very often. HOWEVER, ultimately that is solely YOUR daughter. If you’re not comfortable with the way she’s parenting your child. You have absolutely every right to express your concerns/ shut down what you don’t agree with. without being manipulated or guilt tripped into thinking you’re “choosing your 2 year old” over her 
Honestly, with that kind of mindset. I wouldn’t consider that person mature enough to Discipline or correct my child. And I’m by no means against spankings and believe rules and boundaries need to be set at a young age btw.
EDIT
So after reading some of the comments I went back and read the whole post. This is completely insane!
If your daughter really comes first as you claim she does. leave that house and that relationship immediately!
Believe it or not this is abuse that both you AND YOUR CHILD is being effected by. The question is are you going to allow it or do something about it and get your child out of that situation??? Don’t forget they have safe houses and programs to help mothers in situations like this. So don’t feel like you’re stuck and can’t leave!
You flat out don’t make comments like that and suggest leaving a tot in the car alone to do Instacart.
That’s not even a two person job where someone has to be so needy and have SO with them while they do it…
Why would you stay with someone who is abusing your child?
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Get rid of her and put your baby first
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You need to leave ASAP. Women can be abusers too & although she may not physically abuse from what you’re saying sounds like she is mentally & emotionally abusing you. When you leave don’t look back because you are so much better off.
How about stick your girlfriend in the car and go shopping with your daughter…for a new car 
and head for the hills…sounds jealous and controlling…please keep you and your daughter safe…take no chances xx
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Why are you even asking it appears that you already know the answer deep in your heart
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Choose ur child. Having someone so narcissistic immature and argumentative is not good for ur child… the arguing is traumatic. Plz protect ur baby girl kick that lady to the curb
You said “I will always choose my daughter, duh” Then why aren’t you?
If you decide not to punish YOUR child with spankings then no one should lay hands on your child, and you need to put your child’s safety first and it becomes an argument over leaving your child unattended in a car. Your child is ill and you need to stay close to her. All of your good mother instincts are there. This person you’re with doesn’t know what it means to care for a child, she wants to be the baby.
Put your real baby first and run from this controlling narcissist.
Feel bad for your kid. She’s gonna be a trainwreck watching your lovelife. Crawl back to the father and implore you raise your child in a legitimate household.
Sorry but it’s time to leave. Your child should always be first.
Immature and narcissistic, get out and protect your daughter. You are her mother and that is your job.
Sounds like your girlfriend is narcissistic, I was married for 31 years to a man like that. It got worse and worse the older he got. I’ve never been happier, I don’t have to walk on egg shells anymore.
You always, (I can’t stress this enough) always do what’s right in your heart for your daughter. She is your priority, love, your heart walking around outside you. No one, no matter how long you’ve been together should ever make you feel bad about your decisions for your child. Those gut feelings are mama instincts and they are there to guide you. Remember to not question what you know in your soul is right for you both. Love & peace 
to all involved.
Above all don’t dessert that baby with an abusive parent. That would make you as bad as the abusive parent to abandon that child. Seek joint counseling for the sake of that child that you’re responsible for. That baby needs a safe environment to grow up in.
Trust yourself and your feelings and tell her goodbye, NOW! People have different ideas of child raising but it is NEVER ok to leave a sleeping 2 year old locked in a car alone at night, or any other time!..You obviously have a different value system and your daughter is the most important thing to think about!
Your daughter is still a baby your girlfriend is a adult sorry but she sounds very selfish uncaring and would not trust her with your child you deserve better and your daughter she is very manipulative narcissistic things will only get worse don’t waste your life with this relationship there are plenty more deserving of you and your daughter and you both deserve and need a better life with more peace and harmony and love get out of this loveless relationship I wish you luck xx:pray:
Time out is a far more effective tool when trying to correct bad behavior in a small child. All you need is a time out chair. You put the child in time out for one minute per each year of the child’s age. Children do not need to be raised by a bully. Fear will never work. Would your girlfriend want to be beat when she makes a mistake? I don’t think so.
It’s also not unreasonable to want to make sure your sick child is properly cared for. If your significant other doesn’t understand that, when she is sick, let her fend for herself. You have a responsibility to make sure your little girl is safe.
Uhhhh leaving your child in the car unattended is illegal. No need to say anything else. Run! As fast and as far as you can. That baby girl is your responsibility and first choice. Your girlfriend is 100% in the wrong. If you stay, you’re going to be forced into choosing your girlfriend over child eventually.
Please leave this is not a good or healthy situation from the sound of it. If talking isn’t working maybe separate living may help if not then it’s time to be done.
Sounds toxic. Your last straw should maybe have been the partner wanting you to leave your child in a car. That could have caused you to lose your child to social services at the least. This person is displaying Narcissistic behavior. You sound tortured in pain by thinking of ending a bad relationship. It sounds like you have already made up your mind, but just need reassurance you are on track. Well, you are on track. Life is too short. Your child is being placed in an abusive situation, both mentally and emotionally. Spankings…2 year old…rational mind of a 2 year old. Ok not healthy.
Also she’s much older than u so she thinks ur nieve n gullible to control. Get out before something bad happens that u will live to regret. She has no empathy or compassion for a sick child meaning she has no feelings except for her own needs n wants. That’s not a healthy relationship. If u r her birth mother n she has no legal rights to her get the he’ll out if she won’t leave. PLEASE DO IT NOW. TELL HER UR STAYING HOME BC UR NOT FEELING WELL N PACK UP UR ASSENTIALS FOR U N UR DAUGHTER WHILE SHES AT WORK N LEAVE QUICKLY.
First of all, you are totally correct about not leaving your child alone in the car!!! She is completely wrong. I have seen cars left running and jump out of gear! I believe it is against the law as well.
Run, as fast as you can, Run If a person doesn’t see that it’s dangerous for a child to be left alone in a car. Then she absolutely has no place in a child’s life. Hell yes I’m on my kids side, as a protector. And if she’s not, she’s gotta go.
With such a big age difference, that could be the first red flag! A woman with a man, with that age difference has problems! Most people hits a certain age is usually set in their ways! Seems as if her charm has turn to bullying! You keep saying our daughter…stop! That’s your daughter! It sounds like you are a true mother! Take those two years and consider them a lesson learned! Take your daughter and go! God always keep a ram in the Bush! Move on you are in the right mind set! Move on!
That’s a red building! Would you want your daughter to be with someone like that? Because that’s the message she’s going to get. Run while you’re still young. God Bless.
You need to take your daughter and get out now! To even suggest leaving a 2 year old alone in a car while you shop is unbelievable to me and against the law. It worries me to think about whether or not she’s done this before without your knowledge. When she leaves for work, gather your daughter and belongings and LEAVE!
First, ur daughter will always come first, as a mother she should. There’s no sense fighting over children, they change so fast that what u were fighting over today, will be gone tomorrow. Sit down with ur gf and try and compromise, certain things. But the leaving her in the car, out of the question. If this keeps happening, it’s going to come down to her or ur daughter, guess who u will choose???
Get rid of her! The first time someone touches my kid it’s gonna be a bad day! And if she didn’t want to be in the same room with a sick kid then she could have slept on the couch- she’s a big girl. If you don’t take control now you will regret it.
Sorry to be so blunt but I don’t care who the person is or how much “I love them” my child’s well-being and happiness comes first!!! Be her mother!!!
Red Flags. It will only be one of two things … it will stay the same but most likely it will get worse. It sounds like she resents then love you give your daughter. Toss her, for yourself and most definitely for your babygirl. This is NOT the woman you want your daughter looking up too. This is not the woman you want to teach your sweet daughter to be. You deserve better. Say Goodbye now because the longer you stay, the more it will hurt the both of you for too many reasons.
Leave a child alone in a car, that’s all the red flags, glad you didn’t or you would have been in jail or no child when you got back ‘RUN’ SHE no nothing about being a mother
It seems like she wants you to pick her over your own daughter. If it was me, I would make it VERY clear that my child comes first no matter what or who you are. If she’s trying to fight for the top spot in your life, then she will not change and maybe it’s time to move on
She may be replicating how she was parented. I would suggest that you both see counselor as a condition of you staying with her.
Insist on counseling and parenting classes and if she won’t…go by yourself. Your first obligation is to your child’s welfare. Her future depends on it. Good luck.
You have to do what’s right for you and your daughter no one knows what goes on behind closed doors but you don’t sound like your real happy if your not do the brake while your child is young it’s easer
Sorry.
But this is full of red flags.
Your daughter is the most important person in this scenario.
You must protect your daughter at all cost.
If it means the end of the relationship, then so be it.
You know yourself what is the right thing to do, ir you wouldn’t be asking this question.
You and your daughter are the most important things in this relationship.
Be brave and strong enough to leave.
Best wishes.
You need to leave there’s no telling how she treats her when you’re not there and wanting to leave her in the car hell no I would of been fine after that! Not trying to attack you at all just concerned for your daughter she’s a baby and she seems jealous and that is scary!
I see LOTS of red flags. Bad parenting skills daughter comes first. She has no mother instincts
True toxic narcissistic patterns.!!! Run and run fast with your daughter. A person like this will never change! Get out and get out now!
My issue is that ur daughter is not her biological child and you as the biological parent is not ok with spanking so why on earth are u allowing someone to spank ud child? To be rude and nasty to them? I understand the need to have a life outside of bring a parent and someone’s we try to explain away red flags so we don’t end up lonely but your child can’t become collateral damage in that process. I know it’s hard trust me I do but this is all toxic behavior. Get out. The fact ur upset over it should be all you need. It sounds like ur looking for others to justify ur feelings are valid bc she’s tried- abs succeeded- at making u believe so! Ur feelings are valid. Don’t live another minute with this person.
Go with your instincts they never lie.Get out now before it gets harder because its going to if you stay
Get out for your child’s mental health. Go to church and meet a good man. They r out there. Dont move in right away.
It won’t be the wrong decision to leave. She will only get worse.
Your.gut knows what the answer is. Smacking a child means the adult has lost their control. Never leave a child in a car she wants to try it is long before you feel ill. What you do now will have lasting effect on your child. Imo get out.
Red flags get out now do not wait another minute Safe your daughter and yourself . Go back home to your Mom her Grandma where there is true Love.
That is your baby, she will always be first bc she came into that relationship with you. It’s your call on how you want her raised and she’s git control issues by not letting you sleep with a sick kiddo. I think you guys will always argue over this so basically it’s about how attached you want the child to get. I have regretted not leaving my spouse earlier for the kids sake. The younger they are the more resilient it would seem. Listen to your gut, would you leave them alone together? What happens if something tragic happens to you?
You need to lose her she should put your daughter before anything. Within reason! Sounds a bit imature n selfish.
If you chose your daughters well being first…you would already be gone!! No brainer yet you need someone on facebook to tell you whats right for your child! Calls to question you as a protective parent!
There is red flags all over the place .Any one who says they love a child as their own. But wants to leave them in a car alone. Red Flag. Anyone spanking a 2 yr old who doesn’t understand probably what’s wrong. Red Flag and anyone who thinks of them selves over a 2 yr old that’s sick Red Flag 3. She sounds like a narcissist she’s right your wrong your child is wrong if that is your baby legally then why would you put your child through that or your self. She also puts you down all the time and everything is your fault. And you are feeling like its you and you should try harder. No she needs counseling and you need to remove yourself and your daughter from this unhealthy situation. You have a box of red flags.
Let me tell u she’s not mother material. She’s fine as long ur daughter doesn’t interfere with her agenda n u go along with what she wants. This relationship(so called) is not healthy for u or ur daughter. And for her to suggest to leave ur child in a locked car is definitely a freaking no no. Anything could happen n someone would definitely have called the police n ur child would b in the hands of the tstate. Let me tell u that’s a nightmare in its self. This woman does not respect u in any shape or form. She’s controlling n does not have u or ur daughters best interest at heart, it’s all about her. These ppl normally don’t change. Ul b fine without her. It’s going to b her loss. This will not get better. Living under stress n walking on egg shells is not healthy. Get out of it now. U will thank urself later. Believe it.
Run. You know what’s best for you and your daughter - you will finally be at peace, knowing you’re protecting your baby.
Take your child and RUN!!! This is not a good situation for any of you!
Red flags…and yes the defenseless child ALWAYS comes first…a grown ass woman should understand this .almost sounds like she is jealous and that is a problem .
You need to make other living arrangements. This is not a good relationship for you and your daughter
Run as fast as you and your daughter can. Potential for more serious abuse. Children will love an adult when they abuse them. All they have and know in the world
You are absolutely right on you are her mother! You know what’s best for you you should never ever, ever leave a child in car . I don’t care how short of a time. God bless you . Rethink who you should be with!
Sorry but it’s time to go your own way with your daughter. The daughter ALWAYS comes first and if she don’t understand that then she never will and you will always have problems.