If only the world was perfect huh:sweat_smile:
I don’t think this is the right group for you. You sound a lot like my mother. Old school, very very old school. Times have changed, marriage is not always the goal.
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Children have nothing to do with marriage. You can have a child while married and the father can run off or neglect the child. How ignorant is your thinking?
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Alot of women that DO concieve married dont get child support after divorce
Not everyone believes in marriage. Stop trying to push your religion on others.
Marriage doesn’t save relationships either. Some people come from toxic past where their parents have been married multiple times. It puts a stigma on it. You don’t have to be married to be in a healthy relationship. And not being married does not remove the legal bearing on the children. So while I can see you have an opinion on it. Or should I say judgement
Everybody’s choices are their own
So if you get pregnant while In a serious relationship you have no self worth? I have a four year old with a man I’ve been in a relationship with for six years and according to your statement that means he has no legal or emotional responsibility to his child? Or to me? In all ways besides legally the father of my child is my husband, would I like his last name, absolutely, do I feel any different about our relationship because I don’t have it, no. And I didn’t have my son to save or keep my relationship with him. What stupid statements in this entire post
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Because some people don’t want to get married? It’s not the ultimate goal anymore. Especially since the dating pool sucks. Would you marry a toxic man just to say you’re married? I’d rather not.
I see you said you “were” married. And I assume you share a child. But you aren’t raising that child 100% together… So what’s the difference, not being married but together and raising your kids, or married and raising your kids, or divorced and raising that kid in all kinds of chaos because many divorced aren’t civil and tends to be quite traumatic for a child if not handled correctly by the adults. Or what if you want kids but have no desire to be married…
Marriage isn’t everyone’s goal, i know it’s not mine, and I have a amazing son 
I care less on if married or not but I don’t like woman that use babies as pawns fo keep a man around. 
Why should women only be responsible for birth control. Why shame women married or not married. I think your question should be directed to men.
Maybe because I wanted a kid and I didn’t want marriage and maybe because it’s 2022 ? Hell idk 
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Being married doesn’t stop anyone from cheating or leaving. Being married only makes it harder to get out of a shitty relationship. Being married doesn’t guarantee a good relationship or a solid father figure in your kids life. Being married is just a piece of paper and trail of legal issues if it doesn’t work out. And you need to remember, not everyone believes in God and the rules of marriage and having kids as in the Bible… and you should also remember, it’s not kind to push your religion or personal beliefs onto anyone else… it’s probably best that you just let this burning question continue to burn in your brain and not worry yourself with other peoples life choices.
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Usually the person judge others are the ones full of shits
This isn’t the 1950’s anymore. Marriage doesn’t fix relationships either, actually just makes it harder to leave and makes it harder to take the kids when you leave.
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Getting married and then needing to divorce the guy or girl because they aren’t raised like you. Divorce rates and domestic violence would be worse.
Y’all are really at trip 
We’re not legally married, been together since we were kids and have overcome more than most ppl have ever even faced and we are still going strong! We were young af when we got together, I was 15 and him 18, we lived together by the time I was 16 and I never went home again. Of course in our young years we had our splits and huge issues, we were trauma raised kids who had no idea how to do better:person_shrugging: We both got addicted to drugs, him before our daughter was born and me after but addiction and trauma both bring a whole lot of problems to any relationship. Today we’re 7 years sober, 2 beautiful girls that we parent in ways that are totally foreign where we come from and with who we came from, we own a decently successful business and are beginning the processes of starting my non profit and recovery based ventures, we’re happy, healthy and doing things we never even thought were possible for ourselves:two_hearts: I don’t WANT to be married rn:bangbang: He’s been asking since we were kids 
When it makes sense eventually we will but my life, relationship, family, business, career, voulunterring, none of that is any less valid, healthy or important bc of your beliefs on marriage ma’am 
And tons and tons of families function just fine by splitting up and co-parenting, in fact I think it’s thinking like yours that leads to so so much of the traumatized kids that will inevitably go down the roads we did and need the services I am trying to provide and change:face_with_symbols_over_mouth: Ppl change, things change, so by your standards no one would have kids today cause I hate to be the one to break it to ya lady but divorce stats are crazy high, it’s very rare anyone stays married to the day they die:person_shrugging: And my most important question is just how tf does any of this even affect you and/or yours though??? 
You ppl must be so bored, I can’t even imagine sitting around thinking about stuff like this none the less actually following through to post it knowing it isn’t my business:person_facepalming:
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Lol 
if I told you then I would be giving away my secret.
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Well Judge Judy, some people WANT to have children and don’t want husbands. Not all kids are created for welfare revenue! How ridiculous.
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Not everyone wants to get married. It is a choice, after all
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You realize there are probably more married people that try to use babies as a way to save their trash marriages that are failing than people that are living together and/or in a serious/committed relationship? Some people don’t need a piece of paper as validation of their relationship 
who are you to tell them they shouldn’t start a family. You are an ignorant person and are trying to push your own shitty thoughts and opinions on other people. You sound like the men who try to make laws about women’s bodies and what they do with them… only you’re worse because you are a WOMAN telling other women what they should be doing with their bodies. It’s gross. Mind your own business and step down off your high horse
Times have changed. Iv been with my partner coming 14 years with 3 kids, personally I don’t think marriage means much these days We’re basically a married couple, just without the paper 
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I have a question/statement for you… why do you care if a mother is single or married? It doesn’t effect how we women raise our kids 
so long as our children are taken care of our marital status is irrelevant js
You said civil, yet attacked first. Despite that I’m going to answer. Marriage offers no guarantee and is often a trap for the man and woman.
And I’m not talking fairy tale happily ever after true love marriage. I’m speaking practical marriage. Small town with small dating pool…wed in a community center type of marriage. It’s not glamorous and tons of crap can go wrong. He’ll, reading about fancy marriages- I tend to read about messy divorces just as much. Tying yourself to someone simply to say you are married- is disrespectful to marriage itself.
And why have kids?? Why would a grown person want kids- usually we are in relationships. Get pregnant- try our hardest to make it work. Some break up- some make it. It’s all a crap shoot, you know. No guarantees that ring is going to make your spouse loyal- but finding a caring co parent isn’t about that. Some of the best relationships I’ve been around have been unmarried.
You’re playing into a fantasy world. Marriage does not equal bliss. Parenthood is not all cute pictures and family outings. It’s messy, lady. And strong people are needed to be good parents. Single mothers are Amazon’s when they need to be. Single dads are superheroes. This is 2022, if your confused. Its not the 1950s anymore where this is required or the townspeople will run you out if you are “gasp” loose. It’s a new place now and many women and men have broke their backs to tear down this hateful standard.
But I want to end this kindly as you sound very young. You are asking the wrong question. Are the kids fed, clothed and loved?? Are they stimulated to grow into amazing human beings? Are they protected from the bad things?
Marriage is not and never has been the golden ticket to bliss. And this new generation simply looks past the bullshit that it is.
Do we celebrate when a couple wants to get married? Hell yes. Its a great thing. And it’s nice to know they don’t NEED to get married. It’s a wanted commitment. Doesn’t that seem more valuable than marrying anybody with a pulse, because you are forced by society to fit in? So anybody would do,right? And if your smart sell yourself to the highest bidder.
This is archaic. Parenthood Is a bond between adult and child. No magic paper is required to love your kids. And if you have a partner that feels equally blessed with that child- look at that, you have a family.
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My SO and I have been together 7 years and aren’t married. We have 5 children combined and 2 biologically together. We are both responsible for all 5 kids and love them all. Why do we need to be married to show our kids what love is?
Because this isn’t the 1940’s?
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Your tone and the caveats you placed here indicate you knew you shouldn’t speak. Next time don’t speak. 
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Marriage doesn’t insure you’ll be together forever either. Marriage has nothing to do with having a child I was with my daughters father 6 years before we had a child. Maybe mind your own and not worry bout if others are married or not.
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I stopped at the first question. This lady outta line! Wowsa. No one needs that kinda judgment… more holy than anyone kinda thoughts. Not to mention outdated notions by a long shot. .
No self worth. A lot of women have grown up in unhealthy households. Kids learn what they see. If they are not shown love, or are abused, they can’t tell what a real, loving relationship is supposed to be or feel like…
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Been with my guy 17 years 5 kids he proposed last year. Marriage is nothing but paper to us we are in no hurry. Commitment and responsibility are there even without it so yea.
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I have no words
Because it’s 2022 and being married is a piece of paper. I wasn’t married and I had 3 kids with the guy I was with 17 years.
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You don’t have to be married to make it as a family 
you sound absolutely ridiculous welcome to 2022 grandma!
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Here’s a suggestion: Go sit down at everyone’s kitchen table and write checks to pay all of our bills. Then you will have 100% undivided attention as to how you think we should all live our lives. Oh, what’s that? You don’t want to do that? Then you should probably mind your own damn business.
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Not everyone believes in marriage 
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You have no idea what you are talking about . Do you even live in reality???
It’s literally just a piece of paper it’s not 1950 anymore.
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Children have been born out of wedlock since the beginning of time. I am not here to put down any persons beliefs, when a man and woman love each other a child may be born— whether it is or is not a timely pregnancy — love for each other created a life. That is a blessed event in any case— each child born is not a mistake. Gods will is spiritual, the 10 commandments make no mention of Children being born by parents who are married or not married. It was a good question but sometimes there is no direct answer to Gods love for his children.
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“Please be civil” man stfu. YOU DON’T NEED TO UNDERSTAND ANYBODY ELSE’S REPRODUCTIVE DECISIONS. It’s literally NONE of your business. They still have a legal and emotional responsibility to their children regardless as to if they married the children’s mother or not so that’s just a flat out ignorant statement. Some people choose not to be married and that’s completely okay. You can start a family without marriage. There is no “right” way to create your family and it literally doesn’t change how the kids are cared for. What you need to do is remove your nose from other people’s business and mind your own
Would you also say, If a man chooses to be sexually active, he should be married”? You’re putting the onus entirely on women. Why? This is precisely the double standard that holds women back.
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Marriage is outdated and antiquated. Marriage offers no more stability or security than a “non legal” relationship. IMO people tend to stay in an unhealthy marriage longer because of the legalities involved.
In this day and age, marriage is a choice, but definitely not a guarantee 
Ps I am married for 22 years with 4 children (ages 9-18) from the same man. I advise all my kids to not feel obligated to be married.
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I am not bashing by any means
I have 3 beautiful children I love them with all my heart
Their fathers chose not to be in their lives
I was on birth control for all 3 guess what it didn’t work but I am so glad it didn’t 
I love my children more than enough for both parents they even gave me mother and fathers day cards and presents so unless you are speaking from experience you have no idea 
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Not everyone wants to get married
I think woman that are in these situations never thought that they would be in these situations. We all love and learn. We are not perfect.
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I think you are meaning the ones not in healthy, stable relationships, but still this is just looking for drama posting this. Shame on you.
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Is this a joke? I feel like it must be a joke. Yall this can be for real!
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Because you loose out being married… I wouldn’t have gotten pell grants for school if I had to claim both incomes. Our tax returns would be cut in half. We would inherit each other’s debt (my school loans) if the other passes. Things like that.
The only issues we’ve come up with are: he’s not likely to be able to adopt my oldest with us being married (her father passed away). we are not able to make medical/end of life decisions until we have a power of attorney or will in place. There is a possibility of not inheriting items, but We jointly own our home and bigger bank accounts though.
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I had my first son out of wedlock and married the dad because it was the “right” thing. After 3 years of being cheated on, emotionally and verbally abused we separated. I had my second kid out of wedlock, never got married but been together over 12 years. A piece of paper doesn’t guarantee support, security or happiness 
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I agree! Life is not any easier now raising children alone then it was in the 50’s or 60’s.
Birth control is free in most places.
Some so called old fashioned ideas need to return! jmo
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I actually can’t 
this can’t be a real post
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Marriage is a scam made up by the government. I also enjoy being a single mom considering I don’t have to deal with his narcissistic manipulative pill addicted ways or his dysfunctional family. The only victim out of this is my daughter, but my boyfriend treats her the way she deserves and that’s what matters to me.
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I know someone like this, I think two of her kids are by the same guy but none of them help out and she struggles every day needing help. I feel bad for her, but she just keeps letting it happen.
Marriage is not for everyone
Yikes. This screams red flag…
Being married doesn’t mean anything. You can be a committed loving relationship without having a piece of paper to prove it
Being married does not automatically mean your relationship is happy and healthy.
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Birth control isn’t always easy on peoples bodies. Not only that some people just don’t wanna get married. And frankly why do you care? It’s not your problem, not your children, not your life. So honestly it shouldn’t bother you
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Why would you need to married?
I have 3 children and I’m not married. Marriage is a piece of paper. The relationship doesn’t change once that paper gets signed. So why does it even matter?
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Or you know….just suck a big fat one
You really made a whole post just to judge other women!
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You are entitled to your opinion , however it seems a little 1950’s!! you don’t have to be married to have a child Many single women choose to have children and be a single mom it’s a modern day now
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Marriage is not some magical peace of paper that will grante success, or failure. Infact in tends to make women stay long past when they should. More over when did it become the womens sol responsibility to take care of the relationship? My self worth is NOT tied to some vows and a pease of paper! This tipe of mantalad is what is wrong with the world.
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What benefit is there in being married? You sound silly. 7 years together and raising 3 beautiful children. We are together because we WANT to be— not because we are legally obligated to be. If we choose NOT to be then there isn’t any big expensive legal preceding that allows us to move on with our lives. I’m not obligated to any of his debt or him to mine if there were any. We can be as much all in as we want or keep it as segregated as we want— the choice is OURS— not the governments. We have the same love and commitment to each other as those in a traditional marriage. Our friends and family can easily see our love and happiness together and as a family unit— there’s no need for a Formal announcement or ceremony to show it off. We gain nothing by being legally bound.
I have 3 kids from the same man. Unmarried ( my choice) the percentage of marriages that fail or people get married to “fix” the relationship is insane. Common law ( in canada) allows same for almost identical rights as marriage.
Jesus take the wheel.
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You know alot of us women were promised help and healthy relationships at the start and it was all good until we got pregnant. Solely putting the blame on us and not the men who broke the promises to us and our kids is wrong. Also viewing us as the sole “issue” is also wrong and belittling… We were told we’d be treated well and we’d have help but that changed after getting pregnant or the child was born. THAT is not our fault, that we thought we’d last with their fathers and were betrayed in the end. Smh.
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Why is my self worth tied into a piece of paper?
Who am I hurting if I have a baby with someone if I’m not married to them? Im okay with it.
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My thoughts exactly…the traditional ‘family’ and values are lost and then these women wonder what happened
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And for the fact of alot of people do not believe in marriage anymore. It’s a pain in the ass to get a divorce especially with kids and after my first marriage it makes me never want to marry again. It took me almost three years to get a divorce from someone that abused me and our kids because the court LET HIM drag it out that long.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 almost 8 years, we have 3 boys together and I’m currently 12 weeks pregnant. We both want to get married one day in the future. Birth control messes up my body badly to where I’ve been hospitalized, so it’s not a good rout to take for me. I’m not sure why people think you have to get married just because you have kids together… It’s not a HAVE to thing. You can be committed and not be married my opinion though. Everyone has a different outlook on it. And before someone says something, we tried for baby #1, baby #2, baby #3, AND baby #4. 
I guess my daughter isn’t mine because I’m not married to her sperm donor lmao.
Will an admin stop this nonsense before something truly offensive is said? Because it’ll be coming from me if this isn’t handled.
Both my kids were conceived while I was on BC. And yes I took it properly I guess I’m just special. The universe was like calm tf down sit tf down here’s a kid. We don’t become single moms on purpose.
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Omg wtf. Do you think this is 1950?
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I totally agree with the OP then they expect government aid
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Honestly, never read so much crap! I have 3 boys, been with my OH 26half years, never married. So your saying in order to have children u need a piece of paper 1st
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I have 5 kids not with different men but the only child I was married when I had was the last one . We got married agger we had already had 4 kids. And now we are getting divorced. I also have 2 babies from from the pill and one IUD baby .
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there’s no hierarchy of morality amongst single parents, we are all in the same boat doing the same job solo regardless of how we got here, and how people conceived their kid isn’t anyone’s business.
If having a baby out of wedlock is a sin, then your divorce is also a sin, so who’s escalator down is going fastest? given me a good laugh this one.
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Because divorce is expensive. Was married to first child’s father, but not the other two’s dad. Honestly, I’m glad that gave him no legal rights to our children because he became abusive and I left him after our oldest, my middle, was born. When I found out I was pg with the third, his second, I had already left him for physically assaulting me. No way in hell was I going back to raise my children in that situation and was very thankful he had no rights to our children for the same reason. Had we been married when our children were born i would have had to have allowed them to have visits with them. I knew he wasn’t gonna spend the money to take me to court to have visitation. A divorce would’ve required us to be in court and establish visitation.
And this comment is why there is a 53% divorce rate. 
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How did ‘daddy issues’ become an insult to girls when it’s the men who failed as fathers?
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Why is it even your business how people live? It’s not your life so why does it matter? Unless you are perfect I wouldn’t go around judging others. What works for one doesn’t necessarily work for another. This is not the 50s anymore.
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A piece of paper doesn’t guarantee that a woman won’t end up a single mom. Divorces are very common, and a lot of men once they’re divorced no longer take care of their kids. You can be unmarried, and still be in a lifetime commitment and be together as long as you live.
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Say what???I was married and my daughter was planned. Let’s just say I haven’t been with my daughters father for over 8 years and guess what, I have a son with my current bf and we’ve been together a little over 7 years and not married. Marriage is a piece of paper and doesn’t bind anyone to anything. A person’s actions and choices are what matter…
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Baaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahaabahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha this is classic! Oh by the way we all need to abstain from sex and kissing or any physical contact until we marry the man our fathers choose for us too. Don’t forget ladies, you are only as good as what your man believes. Be good girls now and go make a sandwich
WOOOOOOOW
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Mind ur business and stay the fawk out of someone else’s lane
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But why is someone elses way of living your business?
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Bro this post yeah no, absolutely each to their own, but being married doesn’t have anything to do with making a beautiful family with someone you love! You can start a family and get married later on too, or some don’t end up married at all! As long as someone is loving to you and the child/children then its a win win! Marriage is NOT that important.
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I don’t think this post was specifically about marriage I think what she is trying to say is so many ladies out here keep getting knocked up by well pos men unfortunately that is true to no avail and yes their are many amazing fathers and men out there but few and far between what she is trying to say is if your already in a relationship and your unhappy and it’s toxic then why keep having kids by this toxic man and why keep bringing kids into that situation where the house is always in chaos and having multiple children when they can’t even take care of themselves etc example no job and living solely off the system living in government housing and receiving a utilities check every month to pay your utilities yes if it is needed as Stepping stone to a job and job security but to have child after child and no job and no motivation to have any better out of life I believe this is really what she is trying to say
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On what planet do you think a man has no legal responsibility just because he and the mother are not married? You seem SO out of touch with things. The reason most questions come from single or unmarried women is that women have wised up and aren’t linking themselves to a man through the government - making it only that much more difficult to leave if wanted and giving him the ability to legally financially ruin her? It’s pretty arrogant to think some age-old ritual will change how a man treats a woman. I know people who have been together since high school and not married (I’m 41), and I know people who have been married 2, 3, 4, or even 5 times in that same amount of time. Every situation is unique, and no one has a right to judge others because of it.
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Idk what post you been reading but it doesn’t look like marriage is the way to go either:laughing:judging by these questions posted 
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There are many ways a woman may become a single mother. Some through artificial insemination, some are widows, some are divorced, some adopt, some just never married. But the functionality of someone’s household doesn’t depend on how many adults are in the house, family diversity should be more accepted. There are so many variations of what makes up a family and all families can be successful, healthy and happy. Try not to be so judgmental.
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A baby doesn’t save a marriage either
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This is the biggest load of crap ever not being married has nothing to do with respect. Unless ofcourse the women wants to and the man doesn’t want to. Then I agree with you. But there are women who don’t want to be married ( I was one of them)you said it yourself a baby doesn’t save a relationship well either does marriage just because there’s a baby doesn’t mean you have to marry someone and it doesn’t mean your disrespecting yourself if you don’t marry ( unless the guy refuses to marry you )
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A) mind yo damn business.
B ) as a single mother of 3, it’s much easier to raise my babies alone than it would have been to have stayed with the abuse, lying, and manipulating relationships that my babies were products from.
C)birth control isn’t effective for everyone.
D) only god can judge us, and he surely doesn’t like the ugliness of judgmental “perfect” souls 
God bless you and your perfect life!
I had one child and left the father when I was 5 months pregnant due to abuse and drugs and alcohol. I’ve been with my current SO for 10 years and we have 2 kids together. Both children Planned. Also adopted another and took custody of another. So total of 5 kids. How does a piece is paper change anything about our lives?
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In the UK if the man is on the child’s birth certificate, married or not, he has legal parental responsibility.
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I never wanted to be married first in order to have babies because relationships fail and a piece of paper or a legal system isn’t going to make them a good parent… I don’t Need the dads help to raise them. Yet I did want children so… i made the choice to not use protection because I wanted to be a mom. That does not mandate me to have to be a wife as well!! I’m a much better mother and woman than I would be a typical wife.
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Mind your fucking buisness