My husband and I didn’t get married until after we had children. Our youngest is 17 and I adore him more every day. He’s a great father and we have a pretty good life together.
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Before you have children, you better be damn sure you have the means and income to pay for them all by yourself, with no help from anyone, the government included!
I am sorry, I didn’t know domestic partnership didn’t count. Some of us might come from generations of divorced parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. Honestly, it is not my business. No one owes anyone explanation.
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I was pregnant 4 months into the relationship… going on 15 years later, we are still together coming up on 1 year married. I was NOT going to marry someone jusy because we had a child together. Who are you to say what people should do and how you think millions of people should do things because thats how you did it?! 
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The thing I have a problem with is not being able to financially and emotionally take care of children that are brought into this world!
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You can have a POS husband too 
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Why does a woman have to be married to have a child tho?
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I suppose you are suggesting the tradionality of …marriage before sex etc.
I like that idea.
Problem is. There are a lot of men to try before settling. That’s the first thing.
And the second thing…when you do finally find a good one.
Its just not as important anymore…which is sad in some ways.
But 21st century and all that. Its ok to just be with someone and not expect to own them in law. 
I think you’re nuts
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For me, I married him knowing I hated his abusive self, and knowing we’d divorce, just because we had a kid. I’d never marry him if I had it to do over. Too many of us want the kids, but the 
is not a good person for us.
Being married doesnt mean shit!
Met when 17, 4 kids w same person, 13 yrs together, Ex’s parents tried to have us get Married! He signed all children’s birth certificates. So This comment is stupid. 41yrs old and never married and no other children. So far I chose correctly. Post is Lame. I think you were born in wrong era.
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I had two children, ages 7 and 3 with the same man when we finally decided to get married. We have only been married 1 year, together 10.
I think you have no place telling a woman what she should or shouldn’t do with her body 
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Why is that any of your business though?
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I mean they damn sure have legal responsibility if you want them to have them. Majority of well minded adults don’t keep a pregnancy trying to save or continue a relationship, they keep a pregnancy because they know they have the means and love for that child regardless of the father. Having a child to save a relationship isn’t a good reason to have a child. Your aloud to have your opinion about whatever you think or believe , but no one cares so making a post like this is just trolling.
Girl bye🤦♀️ Im not even going to entertain this ish…have several seats please.
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Legal feelings whats that
For the majority they settle for it because the man won’t commit to them legally. They act like it’s a mutual decision but let that same man propose and watch them start pinning centerpiece ideas.
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Too many build a relationship from a baby and not the reverse…
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A woman can’t make a baby on her own. So why is it the woman’s responsibility? In case you haven’t noticed, there is a war on Planned Parenthood, who do a hell of a lot more than just abortions. So, PP’s are closing down left and right. Where do you expect women/girls to get this birth control? Affordable, a lot of the time free, birth control? Stop being lazy and blaming women for all these unplanned babies in the world. They didn’t do it alone
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“I dOnT nEeD a PiEcE oF pApEr” 
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Eh. Let me take a guess…. You are nearing or over the age of 60??? Because anyone about mid-40’s and below… we don’t care about the legal status of a marriage contract as it pertains to a woman’s worth- whether or not the uterus is involved.
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You don’t need a paper to say you two are together. I was young when I got pregnant the father is not in the picture and I would do it all over again Karen!
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Haha I had 4 kids while on birth control 2 while not in birth control…
I married the 1st time after my 1st baby worst idea ever!
2nd time I swear rebound
Fuck legal papers nope no way am I doing another legal marriage.
Besides why do I need to keep a man around just get knocked up have him sign rights away if he doesnt want to be involve and BYE.
One reason for marriage is social Security benefits if something happened to your husband and the kids get social security pay. Death benefits There are many benefits for being married.
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Wow. This post is absolutely ignorant.
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Marriage doesn’t save or continue a relationship either people get married a lot before they are ready, sometimes just because they’re having a baby or have a baby. Some of us put other stuff ahead of a big wedding
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You’re status doesn’t define what type of parent you are.
You sound very self centered and would push a marriage just to have kids!
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Welcome to the 21st century, where woman will jump into the bad of next too any man, have his child after he told her he doesn’t want any, then cry wolf!
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Because once you hit a amount of certain years living in the same home, you are common law married and sometimes its too expensive to go get physical paperwork. Not to mention a lot of people rely on medical insurance that nullifies once married
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2 kids same dad we ain’t married so does that mean I’m good enough …. Like beach please ! Go away far far away with your fake arse morals ! . You were married now your not go suck eggs
Because we don’t want to get married and also because it’s none of your God damn buisness.
Oh and God doesn’t exist either haha
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People and situations change. I can’t sit and tell any woman (or man) if they do things just right, they’ll get their happily ever after. Because that simply isn’t true. I’m unmarried because I don’t see the point. We’re raising our child together happily and everyone is taken care of. 
I guess that’s why opinions are like assholes.
Dont know. What works for some may not work for others. With divorce rates so high, most would become a divorced single mother anyway.
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Because I fucking want to. I dont have to use birth control if I don’t want to because this is AMERICA. It’s MY body. Not to mention I hate the way it makes me feel. Marriage is a piece of paper a contract.
Ignorance is bliss. Smh ridiculous thought process you have.
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Nah man, what a crock of shit.
Believe it or not women are allowed ( oh shit! We’re ALLOWED) to enjoy sex. And have it. Safety of course, but we are allowed that. We can get our freak on without anyone saying shiiiiit let alone a ring. In fact some women ( myself included) have never wanted to be married. Should we curl up and die??!
If men don’t want kids they can wrap it before they tap it. Stop being a sexist idiot 
“Please be civil”
How bout you please quit bitching about what anyone else does with their life
You want people getting married just because they end up pregnant then make yourself a time machine and go back to when it was commonplace for men to beat their wife for not doing things exactly how he pleased
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Are u bored today ! Coz girl u asking for a bitch fest
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A lot of people where married and got divorces or the husbands just simply left. Marriage doesn’t save a relationship either
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“I was married” so your divorced now? 
you mean you got married and had a kid(s)? and it didn’t work out? Getting married didn’t save your relationship? 
not everyone wants to get married. Just like not everyone wants kids. Nobody ever said a baby would save a relationship
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Iam not married and have a son who means everything to me. Me and his dad was together for over a year and he thought grass was greenier on the other side we spilt got back together almost 2 years later and I ended up pregnant and for your information I was told I would never have kids cause I miscarried at 21 and they said I wasn’t meant to carry a baby and I went from 21 to 38 without nothing so when I was told I was pregnant I was very happy and me and his dad spilt almost 4 years ago but he is very active in our sons life and is a great dad
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I think Polly is saying that if you don’t value yourself enough to have legal protections (marry the “baby-daddy”), at least think about your own responsibility to the unborn child and use birth control. I fully agree. This is not judgemental - it is common sense.
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Opinions are ok… I just noticed when you have one without understanding or personal connection to the situation, it becomes your own… let he without sin cast the first stone… humble yourself or be humbled. We are all a part of an unpredictable world, with a reassuring God. If you ever forget that? Prepare for a reminder.
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We have 3 boys. (13 and 3yr old twins) Same dad. Not married. Been happily together 18 years this June…
There is this saying… Mind ya own biscuits and life will be gravy…
Don’t need a piece of paper to prove shit to anyone. Our love speaks for itself. Our 18yr relationship has lasted longer than either of our parents marriages.
In some instances marriage just gets put on the back burner due to financial situations
You must be a super fun person. 
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Truth that no one wants to hear 
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Lol I was on birth control and got preggo at 3 months with my BD. Married now 
together 3 years (almost 4)
It works just fine for some folks 
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Cause it’s literally just a piece of paper and waste of money. Marriage doesn’t mean what it used to, and it definitely doesn’t save a relationship
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Why do u have to be married to be happy and have a baby u don’t 3 times I got caught on different birth control pills but I wouldnt change any of my kids for the world and men still hsve legal rights if on birth certificate a ring dosent change anything when it comes to having a child I kmow many people who are married and not happy so to say a ring changes all of that is not true
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Ok Karen. Time to go home and mind your own business
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Because not many people want to spend a ridiculous amount of money on a wedding for just a piece of paper and a ring on the finger, not everyone’s relationship or marriage work, better both parents splitting up if the relationship/marriage is failing then remaining together
I know several women who all had kids with their husbands yet only 1 if them is still married cos the husband’s either cheated in them or become abusive cos she couldn’t give him the attention he wanted. Also know a couple of people how do t want to get married that have had kids and are still happily together. Hate to say it but these days a piece if paper saying your married means F A to alot of people 
A great lesson that will help anyone in life. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. Don’t worry about why someone does something or how they choose to live. You can disagree with people’s choices in life, but keep that shit to yourself. You have no idea what anyone but yourself goes through on a daily basis so just worry about you. That may keep you out of trouble or fights in the future, too. Not everyone is a Christian. Not everyone believes in marriage. Nor does anyone owe you an explanation for why they choose to do something differently than the next person. Why do people push their beliefs off on people so much? Not only that, but shame them and make them feel less than because they choose to live a different lifestyle than you.
Sounds like you really have no business in this group If you are in the perfect situation. Did it the “right” way. However what I’ve experienced in my not so perfect way is that I am a hell of a lot more happy and successful than the friends who supposedly did it the right way. God has blessed me more in my ways.
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I have 5 kids with my hubby we’ve been together almost 11 years (Yes all kids are his) & we plan to get married one day but why does a piece of paper have too tell us we are married because in our hearts we are married.
Marriage is only a piece of paper where true marriage lies souly in the heart.
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What this person needs to understand is that THESE ARE FIRST TIME MOMS WHO HAVE NO SWEET FUCKING CLUE ABOUT RAISING A CHILD, NO CHILD IN THIS WORLD COMES WITH INSTRUCTIONS. I dont have to be civil to someone who thinks its ok to bash first time moms, and further more: the fact that they are unmarried and or single has NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. End rant 
I AM AN ADULT AND WILL BE SEXUALLY ACTIVE IF I WANT TO (tune of “it’s my party” by Lesley Gore
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Ehh😂 I’m not married and I have baby #3 on the way:woman_shrugging:t2: it’s my CHOICE to not be married because I’ve been married and divorced twice, neither time was my fault but I walked away both times because I refuse to be cheated on. THEY broke their vows. I choose never to be married again… besides that insurance would sky rocket if we was to be married. So yes I refused to lose mine or my kids Medicaid just to please everyone else. Btw- my kids dads are on the birth certificates. They have as much legal right and say over our kids as I do except I have soul custody of my oldest, he has no rights to her only because he chooses not to and he’s an addict that doesn’t want to be a dad:woman_shrugging:t2: also my son I’m currently expecting is a birth control baby… we was preventing anymore and well, it happened. Try not to judge so harshly… not everyone wants or believes the same and that’s totally OKAY.
I’d rather not have to deal w the man. I’ll keep the kids.
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You don’t sit thar high to judge others!!!
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A wife having a baby with their husband isn’t going to magically make him have emotional responsibility. Legal rights, yes. But the Father also has legal rights if the baby is biologically his (in Florida at least).
I agree a baby isn’t going to save or continue a relationship. It’s also 2022 and you don’t have to be married to have a baby with someone for it to be a successful relationship between a Mother and the Father.
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Getting married doesn’t save a relationship either, people get divorced all the time. Divorce is a lot messier to deal with than living common law and separating to go your own way. I believe it’s a personal choice. Marriage is not the be all and end all. However I do agree with your sentiments of ensuring you both are equally committed to the relationship and life you have together before bringing a child into the world.
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I was on birth control when i got pregnant with my first child… would’ve been a disaster to marry his father who was a complete narcissist… are you saying it would’ve been healthier to abort my son or are you saying that I should have married an abusive man just so I could be married for my son and teach my son that type of relationship is normal and healthy? Im confused… and btw i am 100% pro life no if, ands or buts about it.
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I guess everybody has their own opinion on this but I’ve had three kids their father never did anything for them I have a man in my life for 12 years and always put them first before anything and now they are 24, 21,and 19
You really just woke up and chose violence today 
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Much like the religion that says its required, I simply don’t believe in marriage
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Why does that matter to people if they aren’t the one providing for those kids?
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I’m not getting married because I’m not going to trap myself to someone I’m not in love with. Yes, I love our son to death, I couldn’t imagine my life without him, but I can’t picture being with his father forever. I know someone else can make me happier. I wish I could be a better role model as far as you should get married then have kids goes but it didn’t work out like that and I’m not going to stay unhappy and legally trap myself because I don’t love him anymore.
One word: Divorce. It happens. So what “lovely and non judging” advice do you have for those women? It sounds like you aren’t very nice. Hope your marriage never goes to shit or you will be the women that you are bashing. Please have a better day and be mindful if the things you say. You think women want to be single moms? I can guarantee most don’t.
…I just woke up and this is the first thing I’ve seen on social media for the day… this better now be a sign of how the rest of my days going to go
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Marriage is not the end all be all. Get off your high horse
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Not your life, not your business 
People don’t need to be married to start a family. You’re not married anymore so clearly being married before having kids didn’t save your marriage
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A lot of men of this generation are too immature to commit to marriage and they’ve convinced their women marriage isn’t important. Obviously not all women want marriage but the immaturity of men nowadays I think is the major reason.
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What year are you living in?
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So, (this is what I’m taking out of your thought process) a single Gay female with a great secure career should be robbed of the opportunity to experience motherhood? The times have changed ma’am. I have never been married, and I have 3 kids. And hold onto your hat lady because I’m about to make you cry… All 3 kids have different dad’s that are not active in their lives. But you know what they all have in common?? They have multiple Grandparents and multiple uncle’s that have gone above and beyond to display what good human behavior is.
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Marriage is great for ppl who want it not judging anyone but personally I think marriage is an outdated tradition from when women were used as a bargaining chip between men and the paperwork and cost is ridiculous. I don’t need a piece of paper to know my man loves me and I sure don’t need thousands of dollars down the drain for divorce if it went that way. The fact that you believe women need to be married to have kids make me pity you and any daughters you’re raising honestly. Stop letting men control you.
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Why is it the womans responsibility alone to use birth control? Smh
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I am a strong believer in children need a mother and a father. Sometimes with comes in a form of a step parent that doesn’t matter much as long as the children are loved. Yes you can be a single parent and love your children. My problem is I see alot of women getting pregnant by men right away and he turns out to be a horrible person. Know who you are laying down with. Do you want a child by this person?
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Wow is all I have to say…
Civil… Really after you have just opened a can of worms…
I am a single mom to two kids from two different fathers…
My first son I was in a relationship for 6 years… the father 2 weeks after he was born decided to go back to the mother of his two other kids…
My second born I was with the father and it was something we both wanted and after I fell pregnant he became distant and I’ve hardly seen him…
Being married does not save a relationship. Just because a woman had a baby while unmarried does not mean we have no self worth…
Do you honestly think I grew up thinking yeah let me have 2 kids with two different men so that society can judge me and so that I can work my ass off to provide for them…
No I didn’t but yet here I am and I’m doing my damn well hardest to look after my boys and give them all the love and support they need!
I wonder what percentage of mothers who find themselves single felt they could rely on the father who for some reason is no longer present or available. Way to blame the victim (in many cases)
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Some people believe marriage is just a piece of paper. And I’m all reality it is just a piece of paper. A good man is going to take care of his woman and children regardless of that piece of paper. I didn’t want to get married to my husband because I’m one of those people who believe it’s just a piece of paper. The only reason we did get married was because the army said we had to or me and the kids couldn’t move with my husband. That’s 100% the only reason we got legally married. The army made us. If you really think about it and take away all religious crap, marriage is just a piece of paper. I’m not religious. I believe that people shouldn’t have to be married. If two people are committed to each other and love each other then that is what is important.
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Just because you’re married, it does not automatically make the men more loving and responsible fathers!! Why can’t the men be in control of their birth control? Why does it fall solely on women? It’s not a given that married make better parents than unmarried. It doesn’t matter if you’ve decided to make a public display to get married or you get on with your lives and living what you have without the pomp and ceremony and spend that money on other memories with the children! It’s just as easy to walk from a marriage as it is a partnership. A price of paper should not tie you to responsibility. The want, love and need should be enough
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For my grandparents you were suppose to be married and have kids ECT. But it’s different times we do what makes us happy. We don’t all plan to get married, or have kids at all, or plan to be married before kids. People use sperm donors and other methods to have kids without partners. Don’t really see the issue of being married or not to have kids things can end up very many different ways either way.
Stop being so judgmental. Marriage is just a piece of paper. If you need it to validate your relationship I feel bad for you
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For years men have stated…why marry the cow if you get free milk…maybe woman are now stating…why marry the bull…if we get free stud service…what comes around…goes around…
Not everyone wants to be married.
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To each their own, but I’m not married nor do I care about being married. I’ve been with my SO for ten years. We talk about it just don’t ever do it. We have 2 kids. 
We just don’t care about a piece of paper. Or taking off work to get a marriage license
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I CHOSE to have both of my babies with my now husband before we got married. We’d been together nearly 6 years before we got married. It’s a woman’s personal choice and really none of yours or anyone else’s business. Just because you wouldn’t, doesn’t mean they don’t want to. And it doesn’t keep the dad from having responsibility either. My kids dad has ALWAYS took care of them and me throughout pregnancy and their lives. Best thing for you is to mind your own business
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Lol. Marriage doesn’t save a relationship either nor does it determine how you are as a parent. Legally a 2 year relationship is the same as a marriage , you can still walk away with half of everything. Not every solo parent was solo , married and divorced with kids so this is hard to wrap my head around lol
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Why does it matter if you’re married or not? A man can marry you, have a child then divorce you and that puts you back in the baby mama role but you’d be considered a “divorced baby mama”. People need to stop putting so much emphasis on babies after marriage because a lot of those homes are the ones that’s primarily broken.
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I don’t believe in marriage. And it’s my own damn business. Get over yourself
Getting married does not make a man more responsible, plenty of irresponsible married men. Plenty of married men that feel the house chores and children are the wive’s responsibility. Plenty of lazy married fathers. The list goes on.
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A piece of paper doesn’t save the relationship, either.
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Wow. Dude. Swerve. Now.
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Marriage was about women being property to the man. It’s a piece of paper smh been with my SO for almost 10 years and we would never get married.
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Marriage doesn’t make a happy home . Been with my man almost 10 years, have two kids, and don’t want to get married. We’re happy how we are. Stay in your lane
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My cousin had a plan. She bought a house. Then she had her two beautiful daughters. She doesnt feel the need to be married. He is there on the house and daily for his daughters. That’s just the plan she had. Its 2022 if she wants to get married she will and if she doesnt she wont. Its her life and she is more than capable of handling it in her own. She doesnt have to. She chooses to. A man is not everything. Its not 1910 anymore.
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