She’s 21 and still asking you for permission about what she can do with her own time just because you give her housing? That’s not a fair exchange for her being able to make decisions about how she spends her time in consenting adult relationships.
Honestly, you’re treating her like she’s still 16.
She’s an ADULT, instead of throwing a free roof over her head in her face maybe I would say charge her rent monthly and let her be an adult but most of y’all wouldn’t change your minds anyways smh. Control, y’all still want control over your grown children that’s what it is! Not to mention she is wanting to stay at the boyfriends house . Not even under your roof!!! Sex doesn’t just happen at night time people 
open your eyes.
Just make sure she’s on birth control she’s 21 and not a teenager anymore
You can’t he freaking serious!!! She’s 21!!!
She is an adult. Yes living in your home so there is an element of respect she should feel for you in this manner, HOWEVER where is the respect for her as an ADULT, plenty old enough to make her own relationship decisions. Just because it isn’t how YOU were raised or how YOU raised her. This is HER life, HER choices and HER decisions. If you feel so strongly about it, help her find her own home that she will be free to be herself. Also, I my self was a teen mom, 3 times before I graduated high school. None of my kids had their own until marriage(for the ones who have kids). My youngest son, who now 21, asked for his gf to move in with us when he was 18. I allowed it because they were both raised to be responsible and make their own decisions. They now have their own home together 3 years later.
If she hasn’t been taught about birth control yet, that’s where you have failed. She is a grown adult, even though you are treating her as a child. Telling her no is just going to make her hide it at this point. I doubt your 21 yr old is still a virgin, so IDK what you’re so afraid of.
If she lives with you then it’s your house and YOUR rules. So I think you’re right and that’s it’s too soon and she shouldn’t do it.
She should respect your wishes and date this boy longer before spending the night with him. I was engaged at 19 (he was 23) and my mom wouldn’t let me stay at my fiancées house till we were about 3 months in. So you don’t worry about what anybody says. It’s your daughter and you do what you feel is right.
I get having a say if she asked for him to stay at your house but she’s going his house. And she’s 21. You cannot control what she does outside of your home
She is 21, do you honestly think they are not having sex yet? As a parent your job is to make sure she is informed and on the pill, has condoms, etc. She doesn’t need your permission to have sex, so not letting her go is not preventing that.
Your her mom. Your rules. Talk with her about birth control but make sure she doesn’t have a blood clotting disorder before starting them.
She’s almost 21 she’s had sex!
I lived on my own at 21.
She’s an adult… i was married at 21 lol. if she wants to sleep at her boyfriends it’s should be more a matter of not asking you but letting you know she won’t be home tonight. If you don’t want him at your house thats your call though cause it’s your house!
Ma’am, she is grown. Yes she’s your baby and always will be, but she does not need your permission to spend the night with her boyfriend.
I can’t believe I’m saying this cuz when I was younger I’d 100% disagree with myself but yeah… you have every right to say no. I’d say it depends how responsible she is cuz I could see being worried she’s gonna end up pregnant and have to raise a baby in your home and if you’re ok with that or not. I wouldn’t be. If she’s taking the right precautions I wouldn’t really see as much of a problem but it’s still your house!!
Your post started wrong, at what age do YOU allow? She’s 21, you don’t have to allow anything, because you have no say in it anymore, I think she simply said it out of courtesy and you should be greaful for that, most would’ve been like “I’m not coming home today, don’t wait for me”, so she took you into consideration, she even let you know where she was going to be at, you’re a bit judgy for having been a teen age mom, trust that you raised her right, I would even leave her a box of condoms some where she could see them, and that’s that, occupy yourself on something else 
I’m surprised she still even asks. She’s an adult. I graduated high school at 19 and thats when I quit asking my parents permission to go do anything.
Let her have sex and cuddle. Let her live a little sheeeesh, maybe also help her get her own place? Start talking with her about it and help her look for places.
It’s her life. She is 21.
Ummm 18. No one can tell a adult what they can and can not do
Has her own home - pays her bills - she gets grown up perks ! (just don`t tell me or even let me hear ANYTHING about it )
She’s 21. Its not up to you to make her life choices. She’s not going down the same path that you did. She’s making her own. She repected you enough to ask permission, why can’t you respect her enough to treat her like an adult. Just because she wants to stay the night with her bf doesn’t mean she’s going to get pregnant. And if your so worried about her getting pregnant get her on birth control.
She needs to be on her own so she can do what she wants.
If it’s your rule then she can leave if she doesn’t like it?
You don’t have a say in it period ! She is an adult ! You moms that feel entitled to treat your adult children like that are your property is disgusting ! Your nothing more than a control freak and your daughter should leave and never speak to you again!
SHe’s 21 you don’t have a say no matter where she lives
Shes fucking 21! Stop being over controlling! She shouldnt even have to ask you! If you feel like it’s your house your rules then make her pay some form of rent and view her as a room mate or give her an eviction notice and make her find her own place. Stop holding it over her head that you give her a roof over her head for free 
if you are doing that do it because you feel it’s the right thing to do not so you can hold it over her fucking head! Which makes her feel like she has to ask you to stay the night with someone when shes a fucking adult!
She’s old enough to go to the bars, get smashed, and go home with a stranger. The fact that she’s even telling you her business would indicate to me that she’s mature enough to obtain birth control. It’s honestly none of your business at her age, but it’s a great thing that y’all are close like that.
She isn’t doing under your roof, and honestly she shouldn’t be even asking you at that age. She should just say hey im not gonna be home tonight and that should be that. She won’t ever be able to be on her own if she still has to rely on you for decisions what are you gonna decide her wedding day, when she can have kids and how many she can have? What house she can buy and when she can buy tampon? It would get a little ridiculous at the point but you see how fast that can snow ball?
She is 21, an adult. If you lived with her would you like her to tell you that you could not spend the night at your boyfriend’s house. It’s your rules in your home but not your rules when she steps out the front door. If you are worried about her getting pregnant then sit her down and have a talk with her.
At least she asked you… she could have lied like everyone else and said she was staying with one of her girlfriends 
This post in its self is insane. She’s 21yrs old. And she has a job making her own money. Let her go out. Are you gunna a stop her at 30 from going out when she wants.
Lololol…so, the car it is? The police roll up, they both get indecent exposure tickets, possibly have to register as a sex offender? Waste money that could go to her own place on hotel rooms? It’s gonna happen if they want it to, you can’t stop it. So this is a control issue over something you will never be able to control again. Get over it! 
Funny almost 21 and she has to ask mommy to do things lol
I mean tbh most 21 yo would just say “I’m spending the night at a friend’s house, don’t wait up!” and leave it at that. You’re lucky to have her still communicating and being so open and honest. She doesn’t need your permission. The only “punishment” you can give her, is to kick her out, and I’d hope you wouldn’t do that to her for this, but that’s up to you. You really don’t have a say in where she spends the night, or even if she gets pregnant. Of course talk to her about precautions (though I’m sure you already have, by her age, given that you were a teen mom), but none of that is up to you anymore. If you want to keep the lines of communication open with her, I wouldn’t push back too hard on this one. You’ll end up with her closed off and not coming to you about anything. The stuff about his parents, her job, college, pregnancy, etc., comes off a bit judgy, so you may want to try not to use wording like that with her, either.
Why is she living at home for free? Charge her a reasonable rent. If you, put the money in a savings account for her and when she is ready to buy her first home, gift it back to her. You are not helping her learn to be a real grown up by making it so easy for her. And let her pay for a hotel room for sex. It’s your home. I am grateful I had a tight-fisted father who taught me to earn my own way.
Wow! Shes an adult. This is crazy. Cut the apron strings and let your daughter live her life. I think its wild that because an adult lives at home with their parents that gives parents rights to dictate their lives. If you dont encourage independence and making their own decisions then really what help are you providing? If its strictly to help them financially then again shouldn’t be dictating to them.
She is an adult. I don’t even know why she asked you. It’s none of your business if she spends the night.
You can dictate what happens under your roof, like he can’t sleep over. But you can’t tell her she can’t go to his house. Yikes
She is 21… but it’s your house…
Her body is not yours.
I would never allow her to. I would say no, no matter what age . But as an adult she will make her own mistakes
Your house, your rules.
Can I just say I moved out of my moms at 16 because of this right here… I worked 2 jobs had my own apartment, went to school, was on birth control, I am now 21 in the most amazing relationship and expect our first babe in January. Be lucky she even asked…. She is a adult and can do as she pleases.
This is hilarious. She is 21 years old. Who are you to tell her what she can and can not do? Ridiculous
You do what you think is right for your child, 21 tho legal age doesn’t mean smart and wise to handle life.
You are still more wiser and experienced than her protect her as long as you think she is old enough to know better.
She can go fight in a war, vote for our next president, or get drunk at a bar. She isn’t a child anymore. You don’t have the right to tell her no. It’s great that she even told your but you have to realize that she should be allowed to make her own choices. Make her own mistakes and live her own life. All you have to do now is support her in whatever she chooses to do.
Its sounds like you need to let her grow up.
I 100% think it’s your roof and your rules, Doesn’t matter the age so I can understand you not wanting your daughter , even grown, to have sex in your house.
But you have no control over what happens in other peoples houses and should have no control over who she can see or stay the night with when she is not in your home
And reminding her that she lives under your roof to keep her from doing things you don’t want her to do is toxic.
Let her grow up. Keep your boundaries for your house, but let her do what she pleases everywhere else.
ALSO I would be continuously encouraging her to move out and have the adult life that she wants. I know it’s your little girl and you might not want her to go, and hell she might not want to go because its hard out there, but becoming an independent adult free of parental restrictions is sooooo important for the next step in her life.
She is an adult. She shouldn’t even have to ask you. You need to trust that you raised a good person to make good decisions. And if she don’t than that’s her choice. She is 21 years old. Lol
No, you’re being crazy. I wouldn’t even be asking my mom at that age, I’d be telling her I’m spending the night with my boyfriend. You’re being controlling. She’s gonna end up disobeying you and just going lol
Your house, your rules. You are entitled to your opinion and I if she wants to move out as an adult she can make her choices. Do not feel guilty or let anyone put you on a guilt trip.
You shouldn’t take your own guilt for the mistakes you’ve made and put that on your daughter. She will find a way to do what she wants… like you did as a teenager. Just be happy she even discusses that subject with you, she could have just lied or hid it… as I’m assuming you did. Maybe you should be more proactive, make sure she’s on birth control and is aware of ALL of her options (not just the ones you agree with). Then she has a better chance at not turning out like you did.
It’s weird that’s she’s 21 and even asking your permission You should be proud of her and maybe trust her
She’s an adult, she respected you by asking you to go. She was honest with you. If you always say no, your going to push her away, and she will either move out or become defiant and your relationship will never be the same 
She’s an adult so if she wants to spend the night at her boyfriends she can and shouldn’t need you your permission even if she’s still living at home.
She’s 21 and makes her own money, you have no right to “Allow” her to do anything. Even if she lives under your roof if she’s not breaking any laws I say let her go She needs to learn to be an adult and if your worried about them being intimate talk to her about safe sex. I had boyfriends sleeping over when I was a teen and did not become a teen mom not to mention kept the door open but again I was a teen this girl is an adult 
treat her like one or you could ruin your relationship with her even if you believe your just protecting her
She needs to set boundaries and you need to let her be an adult and make her own choices and mistakes to learn from. If you dont stop trying to control everything she does she’ll end up resenting you and it will cause a rift. Either let her live her life or kick her out so she can. But really you should just back off a little bit and trust you raised her up knowing not to repeat the same mistakes you made. But you can’t control it or her and the sooner you figure that out and accept it, the better.
She knows him for a week. Enough said. This appears to be a mom that loves her daughter and cares what happens to her. Not everything is about control, often it is pure LOVe…if something happened with this complete STRANGER maybe the mom feels she would have lost part of her heart. Some people LOVe deeply. Would all of you let YOUR young children stay overnight with a STRANGER? Or give your phone to a person and let them leave with it?
I would normally say she’s an adult so it’s her decision but she’s living with her parents and not paying for anything. Therefore in my opinion she needs to do what is asked of her. If she was paying rent and acting like an adult then it would be different
Key word. Respectful
Smh. All the post says is the daughter wants to stay at the bfs house. And so many of you jump to conclusions. I stayed at my bfs house when I was a teenager, and he stayed at mine. Not in the same room though. Guess what, no baby from that relationship!! My youngest was 17, and we allowed her bf to move in with us. (For lots of reasons, and it wasn’t an easy decision). They are still together almost 5 years later and their daughter is almost 2. Let her go, and just make sure she knows to be safe and careful.
Wow. Sounds like your hella controlling. She is 21 and you feel the need to have a say so in her sex life. I understand controlling what happens under your roof, but you also want to control HER personal life. Make it make sense. I dont think you realize she is her own person, not your puppet or a little kid. Who tf do u think u are? See this is were parents mess up, she is a ADULT. I feel like moms who do this are just reaching for anything to control because they don’t have control in their own life.
If I were her I’d move out ASAP, as well as lay down some boundaries.
You can tell her that you think it is too soon and that it is kind of weird to sleep over when he lives with his parents, but since she is an adult I don’t think you can tell her she can’t do something
When I was 16 my mom let me spend the night with my boyfriend at our house or his parents but we grew up together and he shared a room with his two brothers so we never really did anything but his parents were like my “other” parents and the same rules appled at my moms house that it did at his house but my mom was really more of a free soul mom as long as I was doing good in school I had freedom
Not to burst your bubble but she’s 21!! Stop trying to relive your life from your daughter and let her make her own decisions. If I was your daughter, I would move out of your house and never talk to you again until you stop your control freak ways!
Even though she is under your roof she is an adult. You’re lucky she asked… most at that age would just do… she wants to respect you obviously. Sit down and talk to her as why you feel it odd or wrong and have an adult conversation with her. Trust me, I wanna be a strict parent and save my kid and step kids from any harm or stress but I’m the end they gotta learn their own lessons, we raise them to make good decisions and we gotta let them prove to us and themselves that they can and will.
your house your rules-When she is responsible enough to have her own house and pay her own bills, then she can do what she wants. There may be exceptions but that is the way I feel.
Your house, your rules.
She’s free to move out and do whatever she wants.
Okay number 1. She’s 21 years old I’m pretty sure she knows how sex works and how to make a baby. Number 2. Be grateful that she asked for your permission instead of just going. Number 3. Let the girl go. Just because they’ve been dating for a week doesn’t mean she’s only known him for a week. I knew my ex boyfriend for 3 years before we dated. Let the girl have fun
I moved out at 16 years old. I’ve been with the same man sense then 9 years later and we have 3 kids. We took care of our selves. I wouldn’t want that for any teenager but had we stayed with family we would have never been able to grow because they would have tried to treat us like children even if we were 25 
so at 21… I’m literally shocked she even felt the need to ask you. This entire thing says alot about who you are as a parent. The fact she asked says she is under your thumb WAY to much and its sad for her…It’s literally none of your business what your 21 year old daughter does. If you are going to house her you shouldn’t be holding that over her head enough to try and say she can’t sleep over at an ADULT mans house as a 21 year old adult. You do realize trying to control things like this usually tends to make people more promiscuous because they never could control their own lives so when they are “set free” they go all out. This also causes “approval seeking behavior” in relationships for her. Because sounds like she feels she needs your approval for everything. When my kids are adult’s they will know they always have a place back home WITHOUT me controlling or dictating them in return. It’s different if she said “can he stay here”. Im sad she even felt she had to ask you. You’re literally using “she lives with me” over her head to control her and i can bet she will rarely visit you when she finally moves out and grows and realizes she doesn’t need your approval anymore. This is a toxic parent mindset and will cause resentment. And its sad half the comments are toxic as well. Parenting doesn’t stop at 18. You can give advice if asked. But If your child is in need of shelter ever in their lives you should help them without feeling the need to control them. Without making them feel bad. This sounds like "Im “helping her, she doesn’t pay rent so i should get to treat her like an untrustworthy child i should be able to control what she does because she needs my help with a roof over her head” This mindset taught me to NEVER seek my parents help and that i never could go home even if i needed too. It is toxic and won’t work in your favor in the long run. Bottom line don’t “help” your children…or anyone for that matter and then use that as a way to hold it over their heads and control them like they owe you. Just dont “help” at all then? Idk why you are even asking because you already answered her and its clear this sounds like a consistent way of “parenting” for you and for her. Sorry for the rant but like…yikes 
She should have been allowed at 18 to be honest. That’s what she became an adult, it doesn’t mean she isn’t one just because she lives with you still. The first time one of my ex’s spent the night when I was still at my moms house was 15, going to be 16. We just had to sleep in separate bedrooms. And one night we were just watching a movie together and I fell asleep in his room. (He started living with us) and I got kicked out at 16, and then I ended up not really caring because I did have my own place, (I started working when I was 15, so I had a little bit saved up 
) and I ended up having my first child at 17. Just because she isn’t spending the night anywhere doesn’t mean she still isn’t having sex or have had sex. She’s an adult, give her some trust. You are both adults now. Even though she may be your kid forever, she is not a child anymore. It’s a very good way to eventually push her away if that’s your end goal. Maybe invite the boy over the dinner first since you think it’s still too soon. And then that will help ease your worries as well that you could trust him
She is an adult but it is your house your house your rules. She can move out and pay rent if she wants to do something like that.
If she wants to be treated as an adult start charging her part of the utilities. Then she can do whatever she wants outside the home. I wouldn’t have even asked my mom when I lived with her as I was an adult but nobody was allowed over in her home and I accepted that
She’s almost 21 and you won’t “let” her stay the night with her boyfriend? 
cut the cord. She can do whatever the hell she wants. No way in hell I’d let my parents tell me what I can and can’t do at 21. Her actually listening to you is her own choice. She needs to also step it up and put her foot down. You sound insufferable.
She’s fucking 21 wtf😂
People have to learn from their own experiences.
Are you kidding? Shes 21 years old…
These questions can’t be real, right?
Trust her and let her make her own decisions
You still have no say. She’s an adult. Therefore she can go stay wherever she likes.
It doesn’t matter what I think is appropriate or not, when my kids are adults they are free to make their own decisions.
Id say she can spend the night at his place but he can’t at yours. If you are concerned with pregnancy you should speak with her about protection and make sure she’s on birth control and using condoms
Honestly, she didn’t even have to ask you, she could have just went. And I hate to say it, but you telling her no isn’t going to stop her
Tell her to find her own place I think she is a lucky girl to be living rent free
Stand your ground, Mama! It is inappropriate. Why does she need to spend the night? No, no! She still lives at home so you have a say. Once she’s independent on her own, she will have to make her own choices and live with whatever consequences.
…she’s 21… I can understand you not allowing her boyfriend over to your house. Your house, your rules and you don’t feel comfortable in them sleeping together, so under your roof that should be respected. However you really have no right to dictate what she does outside of your house. If she wants to stay the night with her boyfriend 100% she should be able to. You’re treating her like a child. If you don’t “allow” your TWENTY ONE year old daughter to go spend the night at her boyfriends, eventually you’ll find that she’s “spending the night at a friend’s house” and you won’t even know where she is. She will be sneaking around. And at 21, there’s no reason for that.
Jfc. She’s not a child. She’s an adult. She shouldn’t have to ask your permission to stay somewhere. She doesn’t have to listen, even if you said no.
your going to LOSE your daughter over this! literally lose her!
i can tell you right now, that 19yr old boy, means MORE to her right now, than you do, or your your shitty feelings trying to control her at 21!!!
gtfoy!!!
your literally making her life so much harder than it to be
AT LEAST SHE ASKED YOU FIRST…
now she will NEVER ask you again, bc she reached out to other people and now YOUR the crazy ass mom who is controlling your 21yr old daughter for your OWN SELFISH purposes
I’m shocked she even asked!
She can have sex and get pregnant with out spending the night! Alot of waitresses make damn good money!
You can give her your opinion but you can’t tell her that she can’t! She’s 21. I understand she still lives at home. Let’s say she does get pregnant you aren’t just going to all of a sudden kick her out right? No. So let her live her life. Let her make her own decisions…… Maybe make her pay a bill or 2. But don’t stop her from living!
Wat, shes still asking you for permission?
She is a legal adult and can legally make her own decisions. Now because she lives in your home and pays no bills like a real adult that rule can stand in yout home and there is nothing wrong with that. If she wants to be a real adult she needs to start paying bills,she is 21 after all. If her/you are worried about pregnancy, hopefully you did something about that long before 21
If she wants to be treated like an ADULT then it’s also time for her to PAY bills…
She’s an adult. It’s not your business or choice. Your lucky she even asked you
Its parents like you, who made kids like me end up with severe mental health issues and no relationship with our parents! You’re being a controlling bully, and quite frankly you need to get a life before you lose the one in front of you.
It’s great she respected you enough to ask, but she is an adult. The “your house your rules” argument doesn’t apply here either. She won’t be at your house, she’ll be at his. It would be no different than her doing something you disagree with at work, or while running errands. She is an adult and whether YOU think she is too young is irrelevant.
The fact “staying at your bf house” translates to sex is the issue here. My husband of twelve years and I used to have “sleepovers” all the time at his parent’s house. We would watch movies and eat snacks. Guess what, 15 years later and we still stay up late eating snacks and watching movies; we are best friends. Every relationship’s foundation should be friendship, and friends sleepover. 
You are being ridiculous. If she lived on her own you’d never know anything about what she is doing or who she is with. I’d stop pushing her to the point she moves out.
Do what you want, I mean she will just move out. She is an adult.
Let her live her life wow . I was a mom at 21 and it was the best thing I ever did. Truly saved me
Your house your rules.
If she wants to be treated like an adult tell her to pay rent like an adult or get her own place like an adult. It’s your house.