You’re WEIRD AS HELL!! She’s going to hate you once she breaks free of your hold.
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U R right. Not with someone she has known for a week,
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Most important priority is that she is being safe about this. Then at that age I would just add if she is going to do this frequently you would like a courtesy of being told when because I would have so much trouble sleeping if I worried about my kid all night not wondering where my kid was. And lastly, ask her to start contributing some way to the house weekly whether it’s chores or rent. You are still her home and if she did this where she was living on her own she would still need to go home and clean her home and pay her own rent. I would approach it in a loving way first and explain that she should be using protection because they have only been dating a short time.
She’s 21 years old. I don’t think she should have to ask you if she can sleep over at her bf’s. I think you should only have a say if she wanted her bf to sleep over at your house.
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As long as she lives in your home she needs to abide by YOUR rules
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We’re all living with our parents as adults BECAUSE THE ECONOMY IS TRASH. She is a damn adult. Living under your roof or not. AN ADULT. She shouldn’t have to ask your permission to do any damn thing. How controlling can you be TWENTY YEARS OLD. Not a teenage. Good lord this is funny.
Wow I was 21 when my bf moved in with my parents and I under some conditions such as getting a job and paying his own way which he did as a responsible young man so honestly it boils down to do you trust your daughter?
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Your house, your rules.
The fact that she asked your permission proves she has a good head on her shoulders. You definitely have a say to him staying at your house but she is an adult and can do as she wishes. I would just remind her to be safe and that I trust her to make her own decisions. Don’t let this cause a rift between you.
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This is when you find out if your kids learned what you taught them. 
At least she was comfortable enough to tell you. Just because she’s only known him a week doesn’t mean their sleeping together already.She is also grown if she decides to move in with him because you won’t let her spend the night then how would you feel. She’s old enough to where you can’t stop her from doing anything outside of your house. Give her a little leeway so she’ll keep the confidence that she can trust talking to you or she may start sneaking and lying.
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Shes a tenant. What she does isnt your business unless it is in your house. Tell her she doesnt need to ask permission to live her adult life then back off.
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I hate that, as a Parent, you think you deserve to tell her when she is ready or not to have a child. Parents like this really disgust me. Her body, her life, her decision. She’s not some little kid, she’s a GROWN WOMAN. Just bc she “doesn’t have a college education” doesn’t mean she’s not smart enough to handle her own life.
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My kids won’t be having men/ women over at my house . Period!
When I turned 18, my mom said, “you are a legal adult, but you’re still in high school and still have to follow my rules.” When I graduated from high school mom said, “my rules are that you have to go to church on Sunday and tell me where you are if you’re not coming home at night.” That way she new I wasn’t laying in a ditch somewhere. Sometimes I was at my boyfriend’s house and sometimes I was at a friends. But she knew where I was and that I was safe. I’m now 38 years old and still tell my parents where I am if I’m going to be gone over night. That way they know where to find me if I don’t come home. Or so they know I’m not laying in a ditch somewhere
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Put her on birth control. He could use a condom too!
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I would have said no also
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My son is 21 & wanted his gf to spend the night @ our home, nope not happening they have a place together now, so they can spend all the time they want together @ their place 
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Look at it this way. At least she asked you first. She could have gone and gotten a hotel room without your knowledge. She is an adult let her be one the decisions she makes now whether good or bad are her own to make and to learn and grow from. Sometimes you have to cut the purse strings and let the child sink or swim by the choices they make.
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- Asked permission. You have a great adult child and it looks like y’all have a good relationship too. Don’t ruin it!
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You chose not to charge her rent. I have 2 daughters who are 22 and 24. They would absolutely HATE me doing that because they are adults. I know that they will use good judgement. Definitely let go of the reigns
She’s 21, don’t be that parent. let her make her own choices
Start treating her like an adult and start having her pay bills. Other wise your house your rules
Not spending the night is not going to stop them from having sex. If you are worried about her getting pregnant talk to her about birth control and safe sex. Although she lives with you, you cannot control what she does outside of your house. It’s your right to say her bf can’t stay the night, but not your right to say she can’t stay the night at his house.
If you’re worried about her being pregnant, you can’t control that. She can literally go to a hotel room, so you have no control there. She’s twenty one and so she’s not even considered a teenager anymore. I don’t think I would care, as long as my daughter was 18, but I’d obviously want them to be respectful, otherwise oh well. I can’t control her or her choices that she could literally make anywhere else.
You can tell her your opinion but you can’t stop her. She is an adult and she needs to make her own decisions/mistakes
She is going to have it if she wants wether she stays the night or not. At 21 it’s strange that she asked for permission imo
Do they want to do movie night or something… what’s the reasoning for staying the night. To me at 21 I wouldn’t be opposed as long as he’s not a creep and she knew how to protect herself.
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Just being nosy!!
Mmm sounds like you are keeping her close to control her life. Not making her pay a little rent and then hold that over her head. She’s almost 21. Charge her rent or let her help pay a few bills. Just ask her to be careful and responsible and ask her to let you know where’s she going to be. Time to let go momma.
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Mixed feelings? Yes, she is technically an adult, but doesn’t seem to have had true adult responsibility experience yet (rent, utilities, food, insurance, etc.). Birth control was not mentioned, so again, the responsibility thing pops up. Sex and love are different things, so that’s an opinion and moral judgement thing that I don’t have a right to reflect on. Having had parents who let our boyfriends spend the night real early and 2 pregnancies that resulted before adulthood, I still don’t know how to feel.
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If she is still living with you in your house and not paying any bills towards said house/household then she should follow your wishes and no means no. She should be grateful for the free place to live.
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That a whole ass adult who can go out to a bar or whatever with or without your permission. She was being respectful about it. So you should let her make her own choices. She needs to learn eventually how to become a responsible adult. That includes paying bills.
Is everyone overlooking the fact she’s only been dating him a week 
a woman of ANY age shouldn’t be spending the night with a guy after only a week.
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My brother is 42 and stays with me and still has to ask permission if someone can spend the night at my house… This is MY house! I don’t care about your relationship to me or what ever… It’s my shit and you will ask permission. Whether I say yes or no it’s up to me… With that being said, there are times I say yes, and times I don’t want to be bothered with overnight guests so I’ll say no… However, you are looking at it from the standpoint of a mother and child… Which is not right being that she’s a 21 year old adult… Is overnight guests ok with you… No matter their relationship with you or someone in your household? At this age you should not be considering it based on what she may or may not do if he does… Stay out her business as far as her knowing him a week. I slept with my ex husband the night I met him and we stayed together and were married 25 years. Bottom line is are you ok with overnight guests at your house. Their relationship to each other and what they do is none of your business… And don’t put your trauma of being a teenage parent on her and let that lead to your decision… Yes it’s ur house and you have a right to say yes or no… But don’t Base that on her business or what she’s doing. Base it on what your ok with as far as it being your house.
She’s just going to end up lying and saying she’s “staying at a friends house” lol at least she had the respect to ask and now she sees how you feel about it. If they wanna spend the night, they’ll make it happen somehow but she isn’t going to be letting you know about it from now. You can’t protect her from everything. She’s grown and is going to be making grown decisions.
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Okay so first off, she’s not a teenager anymore.
Second, she’s literally an adult, legal of drinking age smoking etc, completely an adult by law.
You should be allowing her to live her life. Yes she’s under your roof, but as you say she’s paying for her own things etc.
And tbh if you hold living in your household rent free over her head to get your way at any point, that’s really shitty.
You really don’t have a say anyway. You could kick her out for it but do you really want to be that parent?
I was in a ten year relationship with two children by him…we split up when I was 26… I moved back in with my parents to get on my feet for a few years and helped with bills…food…etc…by the time I was 28-29ish… I wanted someone I was dating for like 6 mos to spend the night…my dad was not accepting it …I didn’t understand at the time but now I’m 36 on my own and totally see why…it was a no…always go with your gut
She’s not paying bills, because you just said you don’t expect her too. Make her pay bills or pay for toiletries. That way she’s contributing in some form. Nothing is free. She’s an adult. With that being said she’s 21. You can give your opinion, but technically in all reality she can do whatever she wants. She isn’t you. She is going to make her own mistakes. That’s just life. We as humans are far from perfect. “Your house your rules” don’t apply if it isn’t going on in your house. You’re her mama so you’ll always want what’s best for her. Just let her live her life and try to guide her the best you can!
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She is an adult and should be treated as such. If you aren’t t comfortable with such things happening under your roof that’s perfectly understandable and appropriate to have a say in it not happening at your home. Your home, your rules should apply to what behaviors and expectations you have in regards to the respect, safety, and collaboration of maintaining that environment for everyone in the home. But to assert power over her decisions just because she still living under your roof is, in my opinion, overly controlling, regardless of your reasoning. Not expecting her to pay for bills is great, you’re her parent, and in my opinion, (again,) as a parent it is our responsibility to be there for our kiddos. If you feel like your kiddo needs to pay bills to be at home, in prefer to teach responsibility or otherwise, then that’s when you need to help them find a safe room mate situation or a studio apartment. Them paying you is not going to teach them any better than real world experience and in the real world they would get to live by their rules and learn from their mistakes.
As far as the timing of her relationship goes, you taught her what you could while raising her. At the end of the day though, she is her own person and going to make her own decisions. Regardless of your or anyone else’s opinions. She is an adult now, and it’s her right as an adult to chose her own path. Let your feelings be known, but support and love her unconditionally.
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My mom stopped telling me what to do when I was 18. Ain’t no way in hello I would be 21 allowing my mom to tell me what I can and can’t do! Let go mama she’s an adult now.
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They can have sex without spending the night with each other so you aren’t preventing anything there. Yes, it is weird. Also, college education has nothing to do with being a parent. I dropped out of college when I got pregnant with my first….at the age of….20!!! 4 kids later, at 29, I’m doing great. No college education.
Paying rent (or not) is not a factor. She is an adult and should be treated as such. She could’ve chosen to TELL you, but she was considerate enough to ask you. Don’t make her go behind your back and choose your battles carefully. This is not where I would fall on my sword.
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Sounds like it’s time for her to move out of your house and start her own life then she can have sleepovers with who ever she likes 
but it’s very disrespectful to bring a booty call into your parents home 
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She is an adult, so…let her be one
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Allow it; they’re going to have sex anyway and at least you’ll know they’re being clean and likely practicing safely.
Over 18 it’s a courtesy to ask not a requirement she is being nice and asking you but she absolutely doesn’t have to God she’s just going to be secretive and not have a good relationship if you’re being this hovering over her and her dating life I know I don’t have that good a relationship with my mother thanks to being overprotective hell tell her she can go and get her a pack of condoms so at least if they do anything they’re protected jeez
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She’s a grown adult. She doesn’t need your period to sleep over her boyfriends house. This is so disturbing.
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My daughter will be 18 in November and of course still lives at home. That being said when she turns 18 she is an adult the only thing that I ask of her is that until she graduates she is home by 11 during school nights but on the weekends that’s her time and she can do whatever she wants I just want to know who she’ll be with and weather or not she will be coming home in the weekend. Your daughter is 21 she is an adult and should not have to ask permission to do anything.
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Wow controlling much?
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She doesn’t need your permission. She’s an adult now, she’s a peer. Since you’re worried about pregnancy didn’t you teach her about conception and how bodies work? If you don’t want to be around her decision making then you’ll need to ask her to move out. That may help you move past her choices.
Your house your rules, so you can stop the boy from sleeping over at your house, but you can’t stop her from sleeping over at his house. You can express to her that you’d prefer that she didn’t and give her the reasons why then hope she takes your advice.
Eventually, it will come to a point where you will have to ask her to leave because she’s not following your rules, or she will move out because she thinks your rules are too strict for her.
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You should encourage her to make her own choicesand be an adult
Make sure they are BOTH responsible and use birth control #1. I see nothing wrong with it otherwise. How awesome that she even asked!
Technically if she just decided not to come home one night, it’s not like you can call the police and file a missing person report until she’s been gone a while. You know why? Because she’s an adult that’s why. It pains me to see parents coddle their children and not give them adult like responsibilities. Because you won’t be around forever and when you’re gone how will they ever fend for themselves? It’s hard to hear but it’s the sad truth.
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She’s an adult. You’re a control freak.
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She’s almost 21. Stop treating her loove she’s 12. You’re creating a life of codependency for her
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Good news Mama, she’s 21 so she didn’t go down you’re path, you did it! Now I get that it’s still not ideal for her to have a baby if she can’t support herself yet so help her get BC and encourage condom use (I personally have tried to tell my sons that both partners should be taking precautions to have the best chance of avoiding issues). You can say no sleepovers at your house but not what the other parents do. Think of it like this, if she was at college she could do whatever and you wouldn’t know. She is 
going to have sex as a young adult in a relationship so your job is to encourage safety and responsibility and continue to nurture a great relationship between the two of you.
You answered your own question honey. You obviously weren’t allowed this and you had a pregnancy occur anyway. Don’t make her pay for your mistakes. You have to let her live her own life. She had the respect for you to ask you for permission. Time to see her as an adult. She’s acting like one. 
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I would not want her to go either, too soon, too young, AND she is still living at home. I told mine as long as they are under my roof they live by my rules.
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It doesn’t matter whether she’s paying rent or not, as long as it’s not happening under your roof (since you don’t agree with it) then it’s not your decision. She’s well above the age of being considered an adult and should be treated as such. I think it’s weird she even asked if she could spend the night somewhere, but that’s just my opinion. My mom stopped telling us what to do and having a say in certain things when me and my sister turned 18. If you don’t want something to happen in your house then that’s understandable but you can’t control what happens outside of it. You wouldn’t have any say if she wasn’t living under your roof, she wouldn’t be asking permission if she wasn’t under your roof. Seems to me like you still treat her like a little kid when she’s well above adulthood.
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I get 20 year olds have sex…but i sure as hell wouldnt want to have sex in my parents house. Unless they were out of town. Its just a turn off.
Did you know the majority of serial killers had controlling mothers?
She is an adult let her make her own choices/decisions n no matter what they are or how they play out stand by her she’s your child! By all means encourage her to be safe n check in etc it’s nice to know our kids are safe n gives them the confidence to confide in us and come to us when n if they need help! Don’t take that option away from her because u may not like it. Think of it like this it isn’t just your own decision that affect your life it’s other people’s too, let her be independent n treat her with the respect she deserves.
You dont have to spend the night to get pregnant. Js 
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My son is 20 and he just got married. They are adults and will do what they want. His fiancé has lived with us for over a year.
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She’s an adult. I’m shocked there’s even a question about this.
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She’s an adult, you can’t stop her
I could understand you maybe not allowing him to spend the night at your house. And that would be understandable because it’s your house. But at 21 seriously you’re lucky she was honest about where she wanted to stay. You may not like it but she’s an adult. You can control what happens in your house but let her have her freedom outside of your house. Or else she’s just going to start lying to you all the time.
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Move out then and act like an adult then you can be treated like one. You cannot expect the live under someone else’s roof and not abide by their rules. Yeah she’s 21 but she’s living at home for grief sake. If she 2ants to do what she wants then she needs to grow up.
If she wants to be treated as an adult maybe charge her to.live with you, but on the other hand she is an adult so you cant stop her from sleeping with him…better under your roof than in an alley somewhere sont u think
Your roof, your rules. I’m still trying to get past “dating one week”
I moved out at 17 because of your type.
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parents you are funny,how old was you when you slept with a guy on the first NIGHT? never mind a week lol
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She’s not asking to have him stay at your house. That is respecting you and your wishes of no boyfriend sleepovers. However, she’s 21. She is an adult. She could have easily lied to you and told you she was doing something else.
Sounds like she’s trying to be open and honest with you. I don’t have adult children but in my opinion she should be able to do what she wants.
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If she’s such an adult, then she can get her own place and do as she pleases. True, she can get pregnant there or anywhere else, but have respect for your parents and their home, if parents say no. If the parents don’t have a problem with that, and it’s ok for boyfriend to sleep over with her, then they shouldn’t be shocked if she becomes pregnant. The situation was allowed.
She’s 21 she doesn’t have to ask . Her asking if they can stay at your house is totally different for fucks sake let her live
It’s her choice, not yours. I can understand not allowing someone to stay over because you want to get to know them first before allowing them to stay in your home, if that’s the case absolutely. But as for morals and thinking it’s too early, that’s none of your business. She will hate you if you smother her, and it’s not right of you to do so. So my advice is, if you make the decision to keep him away, make it for a reason that’s right and a decision that it yours to make, or else stay out of it
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I started spending the night at my boyfriends on the weekends when we were 16.
Never got pregant.
We’re still together 20 years later.
She’s not you.
She’s also a adult, I’m surprised she even asks…
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At her age I would feel the same as her. As a MOM, under my roof or not, I would be more so concerned at the fact that she’s only been dating him a week 
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Your roof. Your rules. The financial freedom of living at Mom’s house comes with the responsibility of honoring the convictions of the home. Want adult freedoms then be an adult and move out.
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You don’t have a say, you should have some respect.
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I’m just curious if this is a real situation
Sounds like you need a life. At 21 she is free to make her own choices and as a teen mom myself I can’t hold my decisions over my children’s head. All I can do is hope they learn from me and not copy me
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She can go to a bar and drink but has to ask permission to go sleep over? I understand asking your opinion but not of shes allowed, she’s not even a teen anymore and you shouldn’t control her like that. Understand that you was a teen mom but she’s not a teen for 1 and if your worries about sex maybe you should have the conversation about safe sex but as it seems you’ve controlled her to the point she probably is scared to tell you if she was or not. If she’s asking other people already if this is wrong or not of you or fair of you then it probably won’t be long before she realizes she’s a grown ass women. She’s at the age that she can literally do anything she wants like drink, smoke, drive, vote, buy a car, get a loan, work any job she wants, sign for her own stuff, I think the only thing she’s not old enough for is her car insurance to drop at 25
Thats weird if she is 21 and u tell her no
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Seems like the mom is doing the daughter a disservice by not asking her to pay rent.
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I hope for her sake that she can move out soon. Shes 21 and you are telling her where she can and cant go? You’re lucky she even mentioned it to you:,) thats pretty damn respectful of her
Do you still lay out her clothes and make sure she’s in bed by 8? You’re choosing to let her live with you rent free. That doesn’t mean you have a right to dictate her. Im speaking as a mother who has a 21 year old daughter living with her and paying bills. She’s doing whatever she damn well pleases
Ummmmm someone call APS…… mama Chile!!! She is 21. Has a job!!! Isn’t you!! And needs her OWN life. You sound psycho, I’m not saying you are but damn. Let that girl knock the cobwebs off if she’s chooses too! And have faith she uses protection if she so chooses to, and if not SHE IS GROWN!!! College graduate or not. Jesus Christ
She’s 21. This seems more like you having control issues. You should have no say in where she spends the night whether she lives with you or not. You don’t have to let her bf spend the night at your house but it’s totally her right to decide where she wants to spend the night.
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How ridiculous!! She’s shagging him anyway! Get over it!
Good common sense comments Tammy Stead😊
Where were you and what were you doing at 21? Then I can help answer that question.
I’d say to move out first, then you can do whatever. Want to be a responsible adult then leave then move out and be completely responsible for yourself.
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House rules should be regarding chores, how the house kept, and cleaning rituals. They shouldn’t include anything to do with her personal life. If I was her friends I’d be less concerned with you disallowing this and more concern with her even thinking she “ needs “ your permission. My first question to her would be, why are you asking your mom in the first place?
Some people are old school
Once they are 18 and have graduated you need to let go of the reigns. Set respectful boundaries for coming home and letting you know when she is staying elsewhere but you do not get to control her adult life
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I started spending the night at my exs when we were 16-17. Rule was on school nights i slept in his sisters room, on weekends we could sleep on the couch in the living room or in his room with the door open. When I was 18 and dating someone else I spent the night with him at his parents (he was a teen dad with full custody).
Honesty as a mom, once mine are old enough I don’t care if a girlfriend or boyfriend spent the night. She would sleep in our girls room and he would sleep in our boys room. Now if it was your situation, they are adults. I had my first baby with my hubby when I was 20 and we lived with his mom and my parents. Times are hard and if we didn’t have the help we have from family then our kids wouldn’t be who they are. We are currently living with my husband’s mom and our kids are much happier. Doesn’t mean we are bad parents because we don’t have our own place. So don’t treat your girl based on what you think you did wrong.
Mine used to say she stayed at somebody’s house but she “slept on the couch”. I say it’s all about holding up a standard for yourself. Male or female. She should tell her boyfriend she’s worth waiting for. If it’s a problem for him then she’s got the wrong guy. Test him! See! Is he man enough to wait?
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