Just be grateful shes confident enough at that age to even talk to you, the answer is no. You dont have a say in this as shes practically an adult but instead of putting it to the internet how about you go talk openly with her as shes clearly still your friend which most parents with teenagers could only dream of.
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Sheâs 21, she is an adult, she has a job and all that. Let that girl spend the night with her boyfriend 
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Give them a tray of food and drinks etc but leave a little corner for about 5 condoms and then youâll know you did your bit to not get a grandchild. Donât control her life, yes its your house but sheâs overage. Atleast if she did fall pregnant she would have her mother there to help her? Not alone? They may not even want to have sex, they may just simply want to spend more than a few hours together and have a cuddle. Let him stay but ask if they donât do anything in your house? Chances are she will listen because sheâs asked a few times and youâve adamantly said no. If itâs a yes but no sex then it might be okayâŚ
Agree with OP. Adult or not, if sheâs living under your roof rent free she has rules to follow, if youâre uncomfortable with her spending the night away from home and essentially has a curfew, thats your right. Also her right if she doesnât like it to get her own place and abide by her own rules. Wouldnât sit well with me to have my child laid up in some strangers house with his parents, and definitely wouldnât happen at my home either, nothing strange about your perspective IMO.
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Sheâs literally 21⌠you canât say no, she doesnât even have to ask 
.
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What do you mean âallow herâ? Sheâs 21. Sheâs an adult and can decide for herself if she wants to stay with him. You canât control that.
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OMG! She is 21! Yes a week is quick but itâs her decision! Ask her to get the pill and start it now as it takes a month to kick in and even if she is not ready now at least she will be protected once she isâŚ. Buy her a box of condoms and hope she makes good decisions
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Paige Schrader read this shit girl Iâm dead 
I stopped asking âpermissionâ for shit as soon as I became an adult. 
Tbh I started sleeping over at bfs when I was 18 my mom didnât fuss about it she knew I was an adult and rarely ever went out etc
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If she wants to be treated like an adult, kick her ass out an tell her to go live like like adult and pay her bills. Not live rent free with mummy and getting to spend ya money on whatever she likes. She wants to be an adult, start treating her like one. Letting her live rent free ainât teaching her nothing. Who cares if sheâs 21, your house your rules she doesnât pay rent. Seriously
Iâm just laughing because youâre pretty much admitting that you feel you didnât raise your 21 year old daughter to where you could trust her??? Sooo you really just made yourself look bad
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Sheâs an adult. She doesnât need your permission
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My husband and I when we started dating weâre 18 and 19 his parents allowed us sleepovers in the same bed 
10 years later weâre married
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These canât be real issues!
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Just because she stays at her boyfriends house doesnât mean sheâll end up pregnant⌠you seem like a good mom that has had the take proper precautions talkâŚIâm sure if you talk to her sheâd be open and tell you sheâs being safeâŚsheâs an adult after all.,now you not charging her rent is really a you issueâŚif you want your daughter to help more financially around the house you should make that happenâŚsheâs 21 after all.
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Sheâs an adult not a child
So, the comments section isnât going the way you planned
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She is already having sex. You just refuse to except it. Sleeping at his place isnât going to change that.
My house my rule. Yes sheâs an adult and able to make her own decisions. But as long as sheâs under my roof, sheâs gonna have to respect the rules. She doesnât like that, well she can go get her own place, sheâs old enoughâŚin that case, well I wouldnt get a sayâŚplus, only dating a boy for a week? Come on⌠do I even have to say something about this?
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Ale Lop tell me youâre an ethnic mum without telling me youâre an ethnic mum
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Sheâs almost 21. She absolutely does not need your permission to spend the night at her boyfriends.
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If you keep treating her like a child in this sense, she will grow to resent you/part of you and move out real quick. Sex and intimacy are completely normal things. They are both above consenting age and want to experience each other, being together, etc.
Why is this such a taboo thing for so many people? It will happen, so better to be up front and honest, talk about consent and protection, boundaries, etc and let your adult offspring make their own choices
Your waaaay too controllingâŚshe works and pays her own bills and is a grown adult its not like she just turned 18âŚsheâs not even asking to bring him to your houseâŚsheâs never gonna grow up if you donât let her live
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Sheâs an adult - are you serious?
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Sheâs an adult. As a teen parent myself, (now in my 20s), all I can say is, if you donât let her do it, sheâll probably do it anyway. While sheâs still living under your roof, sheâs not a child anymore 
When youâre daughter gets knocked up in alley, just remember âyou canât believe parents allow this to happen under their roofâ
Somebody needs to send this lady back to the 1800s
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Neither of them is living as an adult. If they arenât ready for the responsibility of bills and rent, are they ready for the possible consequences of sex? If your daughter is still in the frame of mind where asking your permission is what she does, she isnât ready to sleep with this boy. I think she already knows this, and you two need to have an honest talk about being an adult, and accepting responsibility for her actions. Please encourage her to make an appointment to see an OB/GYN before sleeping with anyone.
My mom didnât approve of my boyfriend when I was 20 and living at home. The more she tried to push us apart, the more it didnât work. I ended up moving in with him like 2 months in because my mom was literally becoming abusive to me. I ended up marrying this guy and we were together 10 years and he became more and more emotionally and mentally abusive to me. Thinking back I wish I would not have rushed things, but I think my mom definitely didnât help the situation. Basically she is an adult and she needs to live her life and make her own decisions. Trust that you raised her well.
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Sex doesnât have to happen in a house or even at night⌠cars exist!
If you donât let her go and live her life especially now sheâs an adult you are likely to push her away.
Also just because she spends the night doesnât mean they will necessarily have sec but if they do itâs none of your business really.
Sheâs 21. She like it or not is an adult and should be encouraged to make her own decisions. I agree that a week is too soon, but that is her decision to make. I understand the your house your rules bit, but sheâs not a child even in the slightest sense. Encourage her to find a better paying job if finances are whatâs keeping her home.
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Holy hell I hope she moves out asap 
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Youâre gonna run her away and sheâll never feel that she can talk to you about anything .
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In your home you can make the rule no sleep overs. However she is almost 21, she doesnât need your permission to come and go if she stays at his place thats on his parents and their house rules. If she gets a hotel thats on her. At this point she only has to have common courtesy to let you know where she is and if she will be home or not. Not permission.
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She is an adult and if you allow her to live under your roof without paying some kinda rent then she has no responsibilities. Mine cause they are my children after turning 18 if they live in my house have to pay me 200 a month 50 a week covers food and everything else they use. Other than that they are adults and live thier lives. If they wanna find a new place they have plenty of room to save for only asking 200 a month.
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Wait until she wants to move out and then you hardly ever see *her again 
only on some weekends *if lucky then maybe youll rethink your rules. Shes an adult now and will do things with or without your permission soon enough sadly
Sheâs an adult, stay out of her business
Do you think they are only going to have sex if they have a sleepover? Chances are theyâve prob had sex in all sorts of locations! Youâll prob ruin your relationship with her for being over baring!
Not a hope would I entertain this you want that carry on get a place
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Age doesnât make someone adult⌠its just a number⌠as a momâŚwhatever u think is correct⌠just have a conversation with her
Check if she she knows to handle things and then take ur decision!!
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They would have sex, whether or not you approve of it. I disapprove of a 21 year old living at home, rent free.
If she spends the night âoutâ she is not âunder your roofâ
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Donât listen to everyone bashing you, you posted and have your valid reasons as to why you want to protect your daughter but at the same time she is 21 and if you donât allow her to live her life she will start to do it without talking to you about it and for her age you should take in how lucky you are sheâs still doing so. Maybe express to her your concerns but give her the ultimate choice
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You cannot control your grown children. Thatâs a toxic relationship I have had with my own parents my entire life and that leads to being 
out
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Way too fast. Totally agree. Now would 21yr old me have agreed, probably not. 
âŚbut 40yo parent me, yes. Totally not okay. I wouldnât allow it in my house. 
Just bc you are not letting her sleep there doesnât mean theyâre not having sex⌠Iâm only 26 and I feel like your experiences as a kid and hers are different so you canât compare it. Make rules, for exm⌠if she does get pregnant then she will have to move out (whether you make her or not it has to be addressed)
And if sheâs responsible enough w her bills then you as her mom have you trust you educated her enough to know all risks of having sex.
In your homeâŚyour rules. If she canât take care of herself by living on her own âadultingâ then sheâll abide by the rules WITHIN your home. You canât control what she does at his parents house nor is it your business but within your home you have every right to say what you wonât allow. NO MATTER HOW OLD SHE IS.
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⌠what the fuck.
I was pregnant at 21. I donât have a college degree.
Shes AN ADULT. You are her parent, not a prison guard.
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I was sleeping over at my bf when I 17, moved out at 18 had a full time job finished school became a mum 6 months before my 21st still with the same guy 15 years later. Sheâs an adult I get she lives under your roof but sheâs an adult!! Let her live HER life.
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She is an adult. How long are you going to control her. Get a life, get a hobby. Itâs literally none of your business. Carry on and you will cause major issues that wonât be fixable and the only person to blame WILL be you.
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Youâre lucky sheâs still asking at 21 lmao
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Sheâs 21⌠enough saidâŚ
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Iâm surprised she asked at all lol.
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Sheâs almost 21. You have to let he make her own decisions. She is almost 3 years into adulthood. This type of controlling behavior is damaging to her as a person, as well as yourâs and her relationship. Iâm sorry to be blunt, but controlling your adult daughterâs ability to be out on her own is toxic. She shouldnât have to ask permission to spend the night anywhere, with her boyfriend or not. Itâs not your business! I fully understand itâs your home, but you are depriving her of normal adult decision making to a massive degree. You canât use âIâm giving her a free roofâ as ammunition against her, if you never asked for rent/bill money in the first place. If you want her to pay bills, set it up. But, you cannot use freely giving her housing as a tool to control her. Iâm sorry, Mama. You have to allow her adult freedoms.
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HAHAHAHAHAHA is this a joke? How long are you gonna treat your daughter like a baby?
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Not in my house! Nope! Sheâs 21âŚ.she can go to his or they can pay for a hotel! My daughter is 24. Her boyfriend knows to be gone by 2am. They wanna spend the night together they can do that at his house!
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Yes, thatâs really weird that youâre doing this.
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1st off itâs weird that she would even ask your permission. Sheâs 21 years old. 2nd, college education doesnât mean shit. And 3rd, you sound toxic. Stop trying to control her.
I agree with you. Not under my roof
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Are you kidding? Cut the damn umbilical cord and quit being that weird parent obsessed with your now grown kid. Sheâs been an adult for 3 years. Back off and let the woman live her life.
She is an adult! I agree a week is too soon, but you have to let her make her own decisions, she has to live and learn! If feel she needs to take on more responsibility, and pay you rent then thatâs what you need to tell her.
Sheâs 21 and an adult, she can definitely make her own decisions. With that said, itâs your house and you get to dictate who you want in it. If she doesnât like that she will have to go see her boyfriend at his house, and she shouldnât have to ask you for permission on anything that doesnât happen under your roof.
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⌠is this fr? Sheâs an adult.
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I met my husband at 23, we moved in together 3 weeks later. I brought him to meet my mother that first week! Yes my mom was apprehensive and we talked about it. She invited him to dinner. Just because you think sheâs moving too fast doesnât mean that itâs not right! She must really like this young man as heâs important enough to mention. Donât hold her back. Trust her like she trusted you. Remind her to practice safe sex. Ask to meet him and see what you think. Donât just say no, give the boy a chance first.
Shes an adult you cant tell her what to do if they are gonna have sex they can do it at anytime anywhere dosnt need to be just at night
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If she wants to spend the night ANYWHERE it doesnât concern you. Sheâs an adult and she is paying to live in your house. If you donât want guests at your house so be it. Iâm sure she is getting ready to move out and with thr bf as soon as they save enough money for a place together
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Sheâs 21 she can make her own decisions I was living with my now husband at 19 and married at 21, and had stayed the night with him plenty of times prior to that 
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When theyâve been together a month or two more then lighten up and let her enjoy her relationship. Speak to her about when you will let her and safe sex options. Ask her to tell you when their planning it and get her onto contraceptive⌠its the only way to deal with it really.
The fact that an adult needs to ask your permission to sleep over at someone elseâs house is just crazy. I can see not allowing him to spend the night in your home because itâs your house your rules. But you shouldnât be treating her like a 15 yr old child when she is an adult. What are you going to do when she turns 21, will she have to ask permission to drink alcohol because she still lives at home? Time to cut the cord donât ya think?
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At 21 I had a son and my own house, let her do what she wants sheâs a adult as long as it isnât under your roof
Let go of the apron strings sheâs a adult and itâs her decision if she want to spend the night there
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Haha I started dating my husband at 18. We stayed at each otherâs house all. the. time. We lived an hour away, but still. We were never allowed to share a bed. Your daughter is not a teenager, so she wonât be a teenage mom lol
Itâs quick, I agree, but at least you know where she is. Itâs a personal choice at her age whether or not she sleeps with said dude. If I were you, and pregnancy is really your concern, make sure she is on birth control!
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Lol well at 21 you dont realy have any say so
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My boyfriend and I were not allowed to stay at each otherâs house until we were both graduated.
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Shes an adult. Let her make her adult decisions
Different generation nowâŚshe is a woman not a childâŚ!!!
Maybe itâs time for her to get her own place. Lol!! Iâve never experienced this problem.So thatâs my advice. Iâd think at her age,thatâd be something sheâd want to do.Have her own place. Make her own rules.
Uhhmmmm⌠what?? She is an adult, she may live with you, but you should no longer control what she does. I mean come on sheâs 19. Unless you trained her otherwise, as in asking for your permission until sheâs in her own place, which is messed up if you ask me
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If she wants you to treat her like an adult, make her pay bills!?
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My mum let my brothers and sisters boyfriends/girlfriends stay at her house she used to say Iâd rather no where you are than doing it in the back of a car somewhere.
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I mean itâs your house your rules. They can fuck in the car or at a hotel. Maybe she just wants to spend time with him sleeping alone gets sad sometimes
Age 18, stop controlling her life 
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Sheâs almost 21âŚhow old would she have to be for that to be âappropriate?â 40? 
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Did you not teach her about birth control and safe sex or did you think if you didnât teach her about sex and birth control she just wouldnât have sex?
Welp technically sheâs a adult and donât need your permission so Iâm not sure what you can do about it besides throw her out. She isnât a teen and I assume he donât live at home so she can go there?
- 18 is when you donât have a say so. She is an ADULT. You may not agree, but she is not you and you shouldnât expect her to be the perfect version of what you have in mind. She is her own person with her own moral compass. You canât keep controlling her or you will lose her.
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Iâm 23 with 4 kids and been married for 5 going on 6 years. There is nothing wrong with having kids young and it just means that you get to enjoy your time in your 40âs instead of raising young kids at that point. Also she is a grown woman. If she does anything outside of your home quite frankly it doesnât concern you. Stop treating your adult daughter like sheâs a teenager.
Iâm 23 and had my boyfriends staying or I was staying at theirs from 17 ⌠I fell pregnant at 19 and had my son at 20 with only leaving school after ncea level 2 but wouldnât change it for the world. Iâm now pregnant with my second child and sheâs due after my 24th. Now days you can study or work from home and get many qualifications. Sheâs 21 and more mature or responsible than you think, she just wants a chance to prove herself. Just get her on the pill or something of she doesnât want kids and ask her to use condoms but then again that is also her Decision
Your house, your rules. If she doesnât like your rules, she can leave and get her own place and not have to live by your rules anymore.
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I am 24, I met my husband at 19 and was engaged at 20 and had our first child at 21. We fully support ourselves, while I understand your concerns she sounds like a pretty responsible young girl and the fact that she would even ASK your permission to spend the night when she IS an adult shows that she respects your opinion as her mother and you as her mother should respect and trust her enough to let her do so. Just because they stay the night doesnât mean they do the deed. I didnât with mine for quite a while. Sheâs already made it to 21 without a pregnancy so unless that is what she is aiming for you probably just need to relax a little.
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Well if she is on contraception she should be fine
Tell her to book a hotel room then if youâre unhappy fir him to stay there in your house.
She has loads of money if doesnât pay rent at home. Sheâs an adult
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Unfortunately you donât have a say in what she can and canât do now she is an adult.
An opinion. Advise. Suggestions. Thatâs all youâve got.
You donât have to be happy about it. I know I probably wouldnât be either!!
Under your roof⌠your rules, definitely. However, if not there, theyâll just go elsewhere.
She isnât a child anymore. Thereâs only so much we can protect them. Youâve taught wrong from right Iâm sure⌠unfortunately some still need to learn the hard way.
At 21, I had bought a house, got married and had a baby. That order.
Iâm now 37, 7 kids, a lovely roof over my head and still married to the same dude.
We did it right, but still ppl got up in our business cause we were young.
Almost 20 years later⌠those same ppl commend us for how well we do.
Let HER make HER decisions.
She may surprise you. Xx
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Maâam, let your daughter live her life! She is GROWN. Trust you raised her right and let her experience things!!! If not, when she finally has enough and goes buck wild, you will regret it.
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You donât have much say anymore on any aspect of her life. You can give advice, but thatâs about it. If she wants to spend the night with him, as an adult that is absolutely her right to do so.
Now, if she were inviting him to stay in your home I would say thatâs a different story since that is your home, and she would need to respect you saying no.
I feel like as parents we forget what it was like when we were younger. You can not make choices for your daughter or control her, all you will end up doing is pushing her away from you.
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Stop being a control freak, sheâs 21, sheâs an adult whether she lives under your roof or not- she has the right to do as she pleases as long as it ainât in front of your face- whatâs the problem
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Here you can live on your own at 16. I was 15 with my hubby who my parents knew him well & his family well so it wasnât a problem to sleep at his place or him sleep over. I would let her do what she wants outside the house but in your house itâs up to you if you want special rules. For us our daughter is a teen but no serious bf right now & when it comes up depending on her age we will allow her to let them sleep here but even have it at your place but he needs to sleep on the couch or other room then her if you decide but she may decide to move out if too many rules
Sheâs 21 and you wonât ALLOW her to do it 
?
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Sheâs an adult butt out of her personal life
Ohh yeah because they definitely canât have sex anywhere except their very own bedroomsâŚthereâs a whole bunch different reasons you could use not to allow it in your home but possibility of pregnancy jsut doesnât make senseâŚsheâs 21âŚif you want her to pack up and runaway, you doing perfectly. If you want her to stay, treat her like an adult and you can even have her contribute to the household as an adult. If she isnât in school and is working then no reason she canât contribute so maybe you guys could then establish some boundaries as more a roommate situation than a mother/daughter disciplinarian situation