Legally she has a right to, also she legally has a right to make you take her to court to throw her out, and that process takes years. I’d kinda be nicer if I were you. Because she can literally and legally make your life hell. I’d definitely retaliate against you if you were my mom. Btw my oldest will be turning 21 soon.
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She’s an adult. She’s 21. You don’t have to allow him to stay at your house but I don’t think you can control what she does outside of the house.
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21 years old and has to ask permission? Yeah no thanks I’d find my own place real quick.
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I’m shocked she even asked. & is listening??
At 21 being treated like a child like that, I’d be moving out asap.
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My first boyfriend at 11 practically lived with me then my now fiancé we got together when I was 17 I’m 23 now moved in with me
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. At what age do you allow your adult daughter to spend the night with her boyfriend?
Be thankful she tells you what’s going on in her life and you know where she is.
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She is an adult and you should not be able to tell her what to do outside your home. You have the right to make the rules for your house. If you give her an ultimatum on what she does outside the home and whether or not she’s allowed to live there then she will end up moving out and you may lose your relationship with your daughter at least for a little while. The best thing you can do at this point is sit down with her and tell her how you feel about the situation like you just did us. Tell her what you expect as far as rules for your home. And then tell her that outside the home you hope that she’ll make good choices but that you’re still there for her if she doesn’t.
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My personal opinion is this. I’m so old school. That, if my kids are that grown, they should be doing grown folks things all the way around. I’d be concerned that the boy she is dating is ok with that … Shouldn’t he want to be respectful towards her and your home? Spending the night and laying up sends the wrong message. And best believe If you start that, it may be hard to stop it. It’s convenient for them. As a parent, I’m not making it convenient for my adult children to remain in my home. However, I want to give them the tools to get out of my home and start their own path. Saying no should motivate then both to get their own space and not wanna lay up in either parent’s home
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It’s at their house so it’s their rules not everyone feels the same way (I do feel the same way though before anyone thinks I don’t) but they only spending the night they not necessarily going to do anything, she is 21 and she is going to be doing things like this it’s hard but atleast she is asking you and been upfront with you and not doing it all behind your back
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My daughter is 18 and she can’t have boys spend the night here. She’s in college and lives in an apartment off campus. We help her out with food and bills whenever she needs it. She is a full time student with no real job. I say all that to say: she is an adult. No in my house you won’t bring a guy to spend the night. He can spend the night at your house you can go to his. It’s something I just don’t want at my house. I’m definitely not worried about the sex aspect of it because they will have sex They just won’t be doing it here.
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She stays in your home rent free if she wants to have a an overnighter with her boyfriend then they can book a hotel room.there is no way I would let my kids have partners over for sleepovers even at that age as it’s my home and I don’t want to hear them having sex.she is 21 which isn’t too young to have a baby if she wants too she isn’t 16 but if she wants to start having adult relationships with the possibility of maybe falling pregnant then she should have her own home in my opinion.also a week is far too early to be asking for him to sleep over x
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She puts up with you being so controlling?? Wow, I don’t know any young person over 18 that would put up with that. That’s crazy to still be making choices for her at 21. I’d say you need to back off and find something else to control and mind your own business.
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I have a 25 year old daughter, and I also haven’t allowed an overnight. She’s the oldest here & I have younger teenagers in our home that it would not be a good example to. She understands & it’s never been an issue. She does go out of town from time to time with a group of friends she went to HS with, but luckily she’s got a great head on her shoulders.
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21 Jesus’ i was married at 18 .she’s not a kid let her live her life .she will leave your house one day and you will regret it. Let her have her boyfriend over you will get to know him much better .she will love you more for it .not push her away .
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first- she is an adult.
second- she’s not “too young” to have a child.
third- having a child while being a waitress without a college education isn’t a bad thing.
fourth- who even said that if they did spend the night they’d have sex? sure it may happen, but it also may not. but that’s not your business.
you’re being way too controlling, if she pays her own stuff, and is responsible- why would it matter. let her do what she wants. being this way will definitely cause issues in y’all’s relationship. my mother was the same way for years, and we hated each other so much that we cut communication for a year.
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Time to let her go Mom, your job is done, hopefully you’ve taught her to be smart and safe! Maybe time for her live on her own.
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May be too fast but shes an adult…I’d definitely not enable the situation or allow it in my home under my roof at any age without knowing first hand it was real & serious & they’d been together for some time…but to hang out getting to know each other no…go somewhere
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I’m 21 with two kids and a husband. She’s not too young, just maybe not ready. Not for you to decide though. If she’s living with you then you can have final say at who stays at YOUR house, but she doesn’t need permission to go to somebody else’s. She needs to make her own choices in life and while you may voice your opinion, you cannot control her and shouldn’t try.
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Uhhhh what lol The fact she asked and not just told you she was out of courtesy is just ……. WOW lol
Are u not confident enough in how you were a parent to her as a child so you don’t have any faith in her as an adult to make her own decisions? Come on now mom.
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Wait … At first I thought you didn’t want them staying at your house… But just no to her going with him? Momma she’s an adult now N while you wanna shelter her… It’s time to let her fly. An no . Not weird his parents allow sleepovers… yes an adult an they prolly rather him still lbe at home an not have more reason to want to leave.
Honestly if I was her I would not have asked to begin with. At her age this is very controlling.
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I had two children at 21 she’s a adult! X
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My child will be 20 in a week. She pays her own bills, 2nd year in college, which she also pays for, has a god job, lives at home, but she IS an adult so she can come and go as she pleases. No permission to do anything since she’s and adult and I hope I raised her to make good choices. She is also protected if she decides she wants to have sex with her boyfriend, which is none of my business 
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I think tbh it’s nice that she asked rather than just do it. I think personally that she is now an adult and as much as we don’t like it, it’s going to happen. She has to make her own choices. The more we try and stop something, the more they are likely to go and do it anyway. My parents didn’t allow me but the thing is we found ways. I think as much as you don’t like it and it’s hard to see our kids growing up; they have to make their own life path and choices. You can only be there when she needs you. X
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I wonder how the guy reacted when she told him her mom said “no” lol I’d ask to see her ID & verify her age 
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She’s 21 she’s an adult! When I was 21 I had a bf we Stayed ar each other’s houses , don’t treat her like a little child! I wouldn’t even be asking u if I was allowed!
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If you like having your daughter home … Start respecting her as an adult . It’s reality … one day she’s going to be ready to leave the nest and you won’t ever get this time back. I’m so glad my mom didn’t feel like this when I was 21 . We have a great relationship… she definitely doesn’t agree with how I live my life or my decisions but she respects me as an adult.
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Oh wow wait a minute she’s a grown woman you have no say in her staying the night. She needs to move outta ur house asap
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A week is a little to soon. But she’s 21. She should be making her own decisions. Ans he’s 19, let them be. Let her live her life.
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I got pregnant at 21. As a laundromat Attendant. Making less than I did as a waitress before that. I also lived at home, fiance (then boyfriend lived at his moms-same age) we now have two beautiful babies 3 years later, live together in a home we own in a completely different state, very little-no help from others. Shes an adult for crying out loud. Let her have a damn life. My mom wouldn’t let me do shit so I never told her anything and now she’s not in my kids lives because they don’t need her toxicity in theirs. If she was a minor thatd be one thing, but god damn, do you want your ADULT daughter to hate you for not “allowing” her to do ADULT things when you really have no say if she does or not? You legally can’t force her not to go, thats called making her a hostage and thats, ya know, pretty illegal.
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Seems you’re extremely judgmental for someone who had her as a teen. She’s an adult and can make her own decisions. It’s not your job to determine if she’s too young
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The fact she asked means she respects the fact it is your house but honestly as 2 adults I don’t see the problem with it
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I’m sorry, I’m just confused why she’s asking permission
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well I hate to say it but she is an adult you dont really get a say in what she does now I mean you can make rules for your house but she’s an adult and as such she doesn’t need to ask to stay the night at her bfs house like you said she’s pays her share and buys her own stuff why is she still asking to do adult things I mean she has a job most people her age don’t have a job yet so I think she’s proven her self to you your not going to be around for ever let her live and learn from her mistakes should she have any they aren’t kids anymore your not dateing the bf your 21 yr old is so I respectfully am telling you to mind your business and stop poking your head in their relationship it’s weird to me that your 21 yr old has to even ask to do something like have sleep over at her bfs house If she was 16 then I’d get it but she’s not🤷♀️
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Your house. Your rules.
Yes she’s grown, so move out, and do what you want.
No argument there.
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Wow. I think some people are missing the point. It’s not her age or the sex…. It’s the location and respect for the parents. The answer is no not in my house and no I’m hoping you have enough respect for yourself not to lay up with a boy after a week in his momma’s house
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Why do people think a college education is the be all or end all of things??? I earn more than my teachers do now and didn’t even finish high school 
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She is an adult. I understand that if she lives under your roof, your rules. But, sex will happen if they choose to do it. Me personally, I’d rather her be protected than not.
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Problem is that a lot of people these days are living with parents for a lot longer for many reasons but you cannot expect that person to put their lives on hold. She is living with you under terms you have agreed. It is not then fair to use those terms to control her actions. She is communicating with you which is something to be very grateful for.
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So she’s old enough to drink but not stay the night at her boyfriends? She is an adult you should trust that you raised her right so she makes smart decisions…is she on birth control how about instead of controlling her talk to her about prevention instead.
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If you don’t want him to spend the night with her, then that’s your choice because it’s your house. But if she wants to stay with him elsewhere, she is an adult and should be able to decide for herself.
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I was engaged to my now husband and had been living with him in another state for a few years, and when we visited my parents home, I still wasn’t allowed to stay in the same room as him. I respected that. Your house, your rules. However, you can’t stop her from doing what she wants to do outside your home.
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Just because you got pregnant doesn’t mean your daughter will… she is 21 at 21 I wasn’t even living at home so didn’t even need to ask, I don’t think any 21 year old should ask permission to stay out. As long as you know where she is that’s all that matters no? Tbh if you keep telling her no she will just go and do it anyway 
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I would say yes. She is a good kid and still home and open and honest yo you. Seems like you might push her to go to a hotel or get her own apartment too early just to stay the night. Seems like she is doing the right thing by asking
My dad wouldn’t even let men upstairs in his house. It’s private he used to say.
I would say 1 week is too soon to be sleeping in a bed together. Why can’t she stay at his?
If she doesn’t want to follow your rules then she needs to find somewhere else to live x
My Mum told me " no way in my house" " go do it in a bus stop if you’re that desperate to do it"
I think maybe if he/she was a long Time relationship sure but one weeks abit soon. 52 weeks in a year 
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She’s an adult, if his parents are ok with a girl staying the night there that’s on them, doesn’t mean you have to be ok with him staying the night at your house. Regardless if she pays rent or not you need to treat her like an adult, you’ll push her away if you don’t. And again you can have a set of rules in your house just choose wisely without trying to control her life.
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Who knows, maybe his parents are allowing it but there are rules in their house to instill respect? No sleeping in the same bed, doors open? My husband and I dated from 17-23 before we moved in together. At our parents houses we were not allowed to sleep together but still had “sleep overs”.
If it’s not under your roof you have no say. She’s 21. If she wants to leave she can. That’s controlling and toxic behavior.
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Just because she spends the night dont mean they’re sleeping together. They might have a guest room and if not if he’s a gentleman he’ll take the couch and give her his bed
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I was married and bought my first house at 21 with no college education. I have a son (2 years old) am happily married and own my own buisness. You raised your daughter. She lives with you but you need to trust her to make her own decisions at some point. I’d have one last talk with her about how much work it is to be a mother and an adult on your own and wait until she asks again and let her go. But I hope her 19 year old bf has a job and is a good guy. Maybe you could have him over for dinner to get to know him better so you can sleep better at night. But she legit is an adult let her fly the nest!
Tell her to get her own apartment. Sounds like she’s wanting to make grown up moves… Then she should act as one.
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You need to get off your power trip. She is 21. She is an adult. She’s not asking to bring someone into your house. You may not like it but she is old enough to have sex with someone if she chooses. Regardless of how long they’ve been together. She is old enough to have a baby if she wants to. You need to ease up on her or your relationship is going to suffer.
YOUR house
YOUR rules
if she doesn’t like it she can get her own place and have her own rules
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At 21 she wouldn’t be a teenage mom. She is legal to drink buy cigarette and enlist in the military. She is an adult. She is respecting u by staying at his house. As a mother i would rather my kid be at my house so i know he is safe so im ok if he wants a girl to stay. They wont rush and will use protection. Not fulling around in a car and forgetting condoms. If she wants to have sex she will do it. U figured out a way tob
Just because she’s staying at a boys house doesn’t mean their having sex or she’s gonna get pregnant 
have a bit more trust in your daughter
It doesn’t take a bed to have sex and get pregnant. Also at 21 I would hope she would be well aware of safety measures!
Most 21 year olds I know wouldn’t have even asked 
I left home at 16 and didn’t talk to my parent for a while, I lived with my bfs family finished high school. I got married at 18 had a daughter a 22 and having her I decided to enroll as a dental assistant student I’m 32 now. She is an adult I get she’s under your roof but be glad she’s talking to you about it.
At 21 she is an adult, she should be allowed to stay where ever she wants
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Umm…she’s 21…that’s none of your business. Furthermore she needs to get her own place. The fact she’s literally and adult and thinks she needs to ask you for permission to do something tells me you are very controlling. Also the fact that your ok with her living at home at 21…she’s an adult. None of your business plain and simple
She’s 21, ft job, you’ve allowed her to live rent/bill free, she wants to spend the night out with her new boyfriend at his/ parents house. She could’ve really lied and said a girl friend house… be thankful you got a good kid and stop pushing what you did on her, as if having her was the worst thing that could happen sheeesh
She’s 21 she should be able to do whatever she wants if it’s not under your roof. I get it if you don’t want him to stay at yours it’s your rules but she’s a grown adult. Think yourself lucky that’s she’s told you if you keep stopping her she will start doing it behind your back and lieing. At least this way you know where she is
She already said “Treat her like an adult” 
Enough said. I would’ve had her shit bagged up n let her learn what “Adults” do since she wanna talk like she grown.
Got to be American I was pregnant with my wee boy at this age had a career as did his dad and were still together today 16 years. Married for coming up 6. They are both adults!
You have to let them make their own mistakes and make thier own choices.
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She’s an adult… and sex is legal at 16. She’s 5 years older than that 
. If you tell her no chances are she’ll do it anyway so you might as well be supportive of her choices.
She is 21 years old. Regardless of how you feel, she is an adult. Keep pushing her away and next thing you know instead of just spending the night, she will move out or just take off.
Growing up that was a no in my moms house, her thing was you can do whatever you want under your roof. If they wanna do “adult” things then they both need to get a place of their own.
I can see you saying not in my house but other than that she’s an adult can do as she wants you may not like it but her life
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My Son is 20 and he has been living with his girlfriend at my place for 1 year now in a separate unit on my property both of them pay for all thier on bills both of them are working I have issues with this as mother if you educate you kids while they are young about the birds and the bees 
then you should trust them to make good life decisions in the future.
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If she is 21, still living at home, and asking permission, then no it’s not weird. That is the normal family dynamic. Also please tell her if this dude is asking her to spend the night after a week, it could be a red flag.
Set the rules respect . If you dont feel ok with ssomething in your home then dont allow it. Your home is not there free motel room. But know they will find a place to be together and you may not like it… best of luck
I don’t knowwww. My prayers are with you on how you handle it. I worked 4 jobs at a time for decades and couldn’t figure out how to manage everything. I met my man later in life, and became pregnant soon into the relationship. I was terrified. But he stepped up soooo hard and has put my faith back in humanity through watching him be such an amazing daddy and taking care of us. However, I know how lucky I am. He is rare and her bf is extra young. I completely understand how you feel especially since you went down that road yourself. I can’t imagine how hard and scary it was. I don’t think it is wrong for you to say no you cannot. As long as you live under my roof you must listen to my wisdom. Unfortunately, it doesn’t mean they won’t find another way to uh… get it in. However, it is hella rough trying to have a job that pays enough to survive on your own these days. Maybe give her an age when it’s okay with you, say like 25 or so. I wish you and your daughter the absolute best.
For all those saying she’s an adult, your brain doesn’t fully develop until 25. Especially the rational piece. Hell, some of you probably aren’t even 25! Is she going to have sex anyway, most likely! Doesn’t have to be at her mothers house. She asked for opinions, not judgement from you perfect moms!
To be blunt: yes it’s weird, u stopped having a say when she was 18, if u don’t want it going on under your roof then that’s fine and your decision to make but why shouldn’t she go to her boyfriends house? She’s an adult at the end of the day.
Plus if she’s not doing it under their roof or yours where do u think they are doing it? Because I can gaurentee if they want to they will!
She clearly has respect for you and u could help her make good decisions for herself rather than making decisions for her.
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Oh come on she’s an adult! I was married 4 weeks after my 21st with two kids! Let her be an adult and make her own decisions
She’s an adult and I think it should be her choice. You saying no isn’t going to stop them having sex which seems to be your concern. I’d be more concerned about the tone of the relationship I’m setting with my adult child, a respectful one where respect works both ways.
She maybe 21 but as long as she lives under your roof, your rules apply. Furthermore she’s only been dating him for a week.
Just respect for you that should be considered while under your roof.
Let her live. Shes 21. Yes she may live with you but youre treating her like she is underage …you cant be in control of her life or decisions anymore
I don’t understand the bfs parents allowing her to stay over. I get that they are somewhat older but sleeping over the parents house still seems a bit much.
Im 21 couldn’t imagine my mom treating me like I was still in highschool. Maybe talk about a small rent fee if you are stuck on the it is my house crap, let her grow up. You are just holding her back
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Times are harder these days and it’s difficult for young adults to find and afford their own place. I see no problem having him spend the night just dont let them make it a consistent thing. A couple nights here and there wont hurt anything.
You stick to your guns mumma… share your wisdom and she should be able to respect that… I also think its pretty fair👍 love 'n 'light
Your ADULT Daughter? You did say ADULT right!? As in GROWN?
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I’m 22 & even I say no because it’s been only a week she’s seen this boy. That’s just personally me. I wouldn’t trust them in my own house because you don’t know what their intentions are I get if you met him and know him to some point but, to randomly come over and stay a-night while y’all are sleeping idk it’s kinda … iffy on the situation
I think that if I were her I’d move out and do what I want or just tell you where I was going… Here’s the thing you have to tech her to make good choices and give her resources to help make good choices and give her enough rope and pray you taught her well enough to not make choices she’ll regret because honestly she’s going to resent you . It’s not even close to being unheard of for young adults to stay the night with each other even if they live with their parents. I’d rather my daughter have protected sex under my roof & one birth control then the back of her car unprotected not on birth control and either get caught, someone think she’s easy and try to later force her, or unexpectedly get pregnant.
All these judgemental comments are ridiculous. Living at home, FOR FREE, she should respect your wishes, if she can spend the night,she should move in and live with his family rent free. If she wants to be treated like and adult, she should act like one. That includes paying your own way. Thats considered shacking. If she can shack, she can pay. The fact that his family condones this suggests what type of family they are. My daughter knows better and she’s an adult. Motels are a thing if they are going to shack. If they are he and she should be able to pay rent and afford motels for shacking. Sorry not sorry, my kids respect my house.
I Daughters But once they are 18 and out of high school I might its hard to tell. My son stayed at his girlfrirnds house last night due to hoping early in the morning the grand ps. Shds 17 he’s 19.
Im dead 
you literally have no say. Doesnt matter if she lives under your roof, she is an adult. Her decision… In all honesty I’m amazed shes even talking to you about what shes doing! Be happy shes so open with you… Dont make her feel bad about it! Dont break that closeness she has with you!
She’s an adult, you can’t let it not let her do anything. Of course she can spend the night
She’s an adult. I understand if you don’t want him staying the night at YOUR house, but just because she lives under your roof doesn’t mean you should be dictating what she does outside of your house.
Shes almost 21. Shes going g to do what she wants and you aren’t going to like it. So dont let them over night at your house, going to his you cant stop. Treat her like a child and she will resent you.
My opinion if she wants to be an adult and stay the night she can move out cause I will not allow my child to stay the night with a man. That’s grown people stuff. Until you are fully paying your own way you shouldn’t b lay.
I think your answer is in your question. She’s an adult! Let her make her own decisions.
I have a daughter who I insisted she not make the same mistakes as I did. I demanded to know who she was with after school, at the football games with and I required her to work at the age of 16 and “pay her own expenses such as phone bill etc” She graduated early with dual credits and took her CNA class while in her senior year. She also had a baby at 17 while she had a curfew of 10pm…kids will find a way to do what they want regardless. She is now 20 and a mother of a 1.5 year old and due with her second in March. She has a wonderful boyfriend they both work jobs paying well and they pay their own bills and live exactly 3 blocks from me. Give her some space to make her own choices.
me and my now ex husband lived at his parents and we had to sleep in separate rooms because we weren’t married. we respected it as we weren’t paying rent. of course we wanted our own lifestyle so we saved and moved out! we stayed respectful even at 25 and 26.
She’s 21… You should treat her like an adult at least you know where she is and that she’s safe if she’s home.
Hate to say it, but I would dare say they’ve probably already gone and done the deed, but even if they haven’t, that shouldn’t be the first thought. How else are you going to be able to get to properly meet your daughters boyfriend and see what he’s all about (and visa versa with his parents towards your daughter) other then maybe doing the odd dinner invitation here and there? Plus, I agree she is an adult. Give them a chance before giving them a no. Guaranteed for the most of it, in their defence, they just wanna be around each other and hang together and cuddle etc (the usual bf/gf scenario) they should have enough respect for themselves and for both parents on what they would do under your roof. If they give u a reason to no longer allow it in the future, then fair enough. Plus, wouldn’t u rather that their being honest and upfront with you guys rather then lying to you and sneaking around behind your backs and saying their off doing something else or staying with someone else or some place else and keep it secret??..
Maybe you should ask if she’s sexually active and talk about taking precautionary measures if that’s your concern. It doesn’t necessarily mean she’s going to have sex with him if she stays over but I’m sure it will eventually happen so it’s best to be prepared and make sure she’s being safe. Other than that, she’s 21 and an adult even though she still resides in your home. I’m sure you’ve raised her to make good decisions, the fact that she even asked you says A LOT.
She’s an adult now and as much as your trying to protect her, you need to let her live her life she’s 21 you shouldn’t have a say over the things she goes out and does anymore