My 18 yr old knows better than to ask for something like that. My husband and I have strictly told her that we can’t stop her from dating or even having sex but that there could be good or bad consequences, so she better be ready to face those. Grown has the word “own” in it, when they own every single bill, and they own their place, rent or mortgage, then she’s free to do as she pleases. Idgaf who has an opinion about it. I’m not a pushover. 
Shes shown respect to you for asking thats huge! I understand where ur coming from totally! Maybe just have a chat make sure shes on birth control and trust her judgement its hard having a daughter of any age but i think she.ll find a way and wont ask next time my daughter was pregnat at 16 shes now 27 and the best mum youve got this just dont freak out have a good chat best of luck xx
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Who says there going to have sex you have no faith in your daughter you don’t trust her to be responsible she is an adult and you became a mum as a teenager because you wernt responsible enough to use protection she can never be what you were or make the same mistakes as you because she’s too old trust her and support her talk to his mom communication is the best thing
You’re absolutely right, however the wrong approach could cause her to rebel. Talk to her, share and help her to see the benefits of getting to know the character of a man before allowing him those privileges. Be vulnerable and share your mistakes. Help her to reflect on the financial repercussions too. Don’t let the people in these comments guilt you into low standards. That mindset and culture is very problematic but people refuse to reflect on it honestly.
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Shes an adult she shouldn’t have to be allowed to do anything.
I think you should tell her to get on birth control if her getting pregnant is your fear. Second, she doesn’t need your permission she’s an adult, the fact that she asked shows she respects you but again she doesn’t need your permission. However i do believe its too soon to do all that just dating him one week, explain to her that time has to pass by.
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What is actually bothering you ? Your daughter doesn’t need to spend the night with her boyfriend to have have sex.They can do that anywhere. Sadly she has to make her own poor decisions in life to learn .At 21 she’s an adult. if you continue to treat her like a child , you’ll lose her . Xxxx
Wth cut the apdon strings before you push her away. Shs’s 21 for crying out loud!
If you dont want her to have him.sleep over then who the H are yo to tell her shs cant spend the night at his house. Grow up
Im not sure, why she’s even asking to be honest? If anything she should be telling you, she won’t be home tonight and that’s all. She 21, she can go where she likes without your say so or judgement.
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Tell her if she wanna be adulting pay for the roof over her head period
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I’m 20 and live with my bf at my parents house. Ofc we pay bills & are about to get our own place in December. Some parents are different and allow different things.
She’s 21, she’s old enough to make her own decisions, let her make her own choices, stuff like this will make her resent you! I literally don’t like your whole attitude in this post “she still has a free roof over her head” you literally act like she owes you or something for that, and you literally sound like your dissing her job, at least she’s out making money instead of doing nothing, you don’t have to have college education to make good money 
either way I’m sure she’s gonna find a way to make it happen, if she has intentions what’s stopping her from going up there and doing stuff anyways
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I’m not here to bash you, mama. But everything you just said is toxic behavior on your part.
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She pays her own stuff with her own money that she earns at HER job. Which by the way, you belittled along with her education. Servers make bank FYI.
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The fact that she pays her share voids your control over her and her decisions. Now if you prefer she move out and get her own place then tell her but she’s 21….she’s an adult and is going to do what she wants
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For the simple fact that she even asked you first shows that she is respectful. Sheltering her at this age (she’s an adult) will only drive her away. She saw what you went through as a teenage mother…I’m sure she will be fine. You may just be trying to “save” her….but she’s not you. Don’t live vicariously through her.
Let go of that need for control. Simply tell her the dangers of it and let her make her own choices.
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My 18 year old son lives at home. He works. Graduated high school in May and he pays us rent because he’s on SSI and they require him to pay his 1/3 of bills to us since he is an adult. You are letting her run all over you by not making her pay bills. She’s 21. Let her live and be a 21 year old and make some mistakes because that’s how we learn. If you don’t like it and she doesn’t like your rules tell her to find a new place to live.
I to was a teen mom! So girl your roof your rules!
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Your daughter is an adult. It is your house but she is legally free to do and go whatever she wants, with whoever she wants. I’d rather know where my daughter is, while getting to know her BF, than try to make decisions for her. She hasn’t followed in your path, but always listen and talk to her about all life experiences. Gotta stop being a helicopter mom—she will resent you, if she doesn’t already. Good luck.
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You need to get your own life. 
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She’s 21, you walnut
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When she’s a adult 
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Tell her not in your house
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don’t be so naive — i’m sure they’ve already been doing the deed in your house anyways. she’s an adult now let her make her own decisions.
I have 2 kids and my own home at the age of 21. I know everyone is different. And all parents are different. But she is an adult, and only asking you out of respect of living in your home. The more you shelter her, the more she is to act out because of it. Show her the same respect by trusting her.
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When I turned 18 I didn’t even ask to do stuff anymore. If it’s not under my parent’s house I don’t even ask. I never did the “my house, my rules” crap when it doesn’t relate to the home itself at all.
She’s being open and honest with you. My Mum was very protective of me. I got married at 21 to someone I got engaged to after a few months of dating. I’m always impressed how little my Mum freaked out. She just told me not to collect Engagement rings and said she liked him. (Still married 22 years later). Maybe explain that you think it’s a bit early in their relationship and that maybe they should go out on a few more dates first. However, you really can’t do more than that. She’s an adult and free to sleep over if she wants to.
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What does a college education have to do with anything?
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After they’re married!
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Your house,your rules,and if she does like it she can get out!!!
Yeah I don’t see how a parent can let their child laid up with another person In their house
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First, she is 21! She is an adult, second, tell her that she needs to be dating someone longer than a week before sleeping 
over there place. Just talk to her about the morality of it and how it’s better to take time in a relationship if you want it to last.
She’s 21. Mine is 18. They are adults. As much as we don’t want to relinquish control of certain situations, we have only the ability to educate and warn at this point. It’s been agonizing so I know how you feel.
I have a 22 year old son at home who is about to graduate college in December. I ran into the same problem about a year ago. My natural response is of course, NO. You want to do grown-up things like spend the night at a boyfriend/girlfriends house then you should be living the rest of your life like a grown-up too… Maintaining your own place and paying your own bills… With freedom comes responsibility.
Devils advocate:
My son is also a good young man. He makes good grades and he’s never gotten into trouble. He does pay his own phone bill and car insurance and he is extremely respectful to me and his father. He has also been with his girlfriend over a year. If he had decided to go away to college further from home I would have no idea what he would be doing a majority of time. So with careful consideration and lots of family talks about responsibilities that follow grown-up decisions ( pregnancy, STDs) we decided to let him go. (Let’s be honest how much control do we really have as they become young adults)
Him and his girlfriend sometimes go on weekend trips to the lake or beach (not all the time, but sometimes). They are not allowed to spend the night in our house or her parents house (we ain’t that cool).
Use your own discretion. No one knows your daughter better than you. Sit and talk to her about your concerns. If she’s mature she will listen. As parents all we can do is give them the tools they need to navigate life and pray to God they make responsible choices. Good luck!
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My husband would say, not in my house!
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They’re going to spend the time together either way all you’re doing is pushing her away! She’s an adult and you’re treating her like a child! You sound like an overly controlling parent. Way to ruin your relationship with your adult daughter! Not up to you to decide what is too soon.
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Your house, your rules.
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I could understand if she had asked for him to stay the night at your house… But she wants to go to his house. Obviously his mother is okay with it. It’s really not even your place to keep her from doing it if it WASNT okay with the mother… But Besides, She’s an adult. She pays her own way. She’s obviously responsible. Shut up and let her make her own ADULT CHOICES like the adult that she has proven that she is. Good God. Lay off. Or She’ll resent you for sheltering her. If she made it to 21 without being married or having a baby, you did your job. Now take a step back. And let her live her life
she pays no bills so she’s not really like an adult. It’s your house, if she doesn’t like it she can leave and prob tbh get a jump start becoming an adult and following her own rules.
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I agree that a week is definitely too soon! On the other hand, would you rather them be sneaking around and having sex in a public place and risk the chance of getting arrested? Then she would be a sex offender for life! As much as it hurts, she is an adult and at the end of the day she is responsible for making her own decisions. I admire her though for coming to you and talking to you about what her intentions were. She could have been like some other kids and just lied to you and said she was sleeping over at a friend’s house.
My mom was the same way while I was still living in her house (left in a hurry when I was 21 because of her toxic controlling behavior)
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I always allowed ‘long term’ partners to stay once mine were ‘of age’, but no casuals.
It’s either she goes to his place or they find a hotel or do it in the car or something so if their morals aren’t to wait until married or until at least a bit later on then that’s their choice … all you can do is share your valid concerns and best wishes for her and leave it at that…
You absolutely can say not under your roof though! 
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Whether she lives at home or not she is technically an adult. If you don’t want him in your house over night that’s certainly your call but you can’t tell her she can’t stay at his. Ultimately she’s an adult and can do whatever she wants.
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She is an adult she’s 20 almost 21. If it’s not under your roof u really have no say imo
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I can’t even with this post…
Stop throwing it up that she doesn’t pay bills.
No matter who, what, when where,why and how, your home is your child’s home for life.
She is a respectful young woman and you need to allow her to spread her wings. I would understand if she has done some none trusting things to you like drugs or craziness like that but from how your describing her she’s not that person. Help guide her and don’t stop her from mistakes she needs to experience things in order for her to grow ,mind ,body, and soul.
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I would let my adult daughter go spend the night if that’s what she wanted, but wouldn’t let him spend the night at my house. He could come visit during the day, when I was home. I feel if they want to do it, they will, but not under my roof. They would have to find somewhere else to do it. She’s an adult, with a job, so she can make her own decisions. But I would talk with her about birth control and STDs.
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Maybe you both should have a sit down and talk about your concerns about it, you could maybe wait til she has known him much longer before you agree to that, she is technically an adult now but I do understand why you would not be keen on the idea
If she wants to play house let her get her own place
Shes an adult… She has the right to stay over at someones place… She isnt asking for him to stay at yours…
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If she’s going somewhere else , and she’s an adult, you have no say in that 
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If she doesn’t like your rules she can move out 
Or go off to his, hotel, car something 
My opinion is to give up the control or lose her. She’s an adult, let her be one. She’ll grow resentful if you don’t let her. While a week isn’t long to date, it’s not your choice. As long as she’s respectful of your house, and he is too, (no messes, not being loud late ect) I don’t why it’s an issue. I assume she’s already had sex at 21, but if she hasn’t then make sure she’s safe, protected and educated as much as you can.
I am 34. I wasn’t even allowed boys to call my house phone in middle school or high school. I didn’t have a man sleep over my parents house until I was 27 and pregnant with my son’s father. I get where you’re coming from.
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She isn’t a teen tho
A week is too soon. But if they are going steady after 3 months and in a committed relationship l would be saying yes. My son’s have been bought up to treat girl’s with respect and both are still with their first girlfriends and happy. I would not be treating my children like l was treated, where boys are only after one thing, and sex is dirty.
Why are so many women on this post are bashing her daughter for not paying bills. How do you know it’s not the mothers choice? 
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I was 18
she’s a grown woman capable of her own choices
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Definitely should be able to stay over. She’s 21.
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The dating scene is horrible now. Too many young adults “playing house” not really getting to know one another then crying when they find out their pregnant and they break up or finding out their partner is abusive
Good job mom!!! Put some order and if she wants to do sleep overs she can kindly get her own apartment
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It’s your house, so your rules, she can move out if she doesn’t like it… however, if she was belong at your house, then I feel like she has more of a say bcuz essentially that’s like paying rent, she can do what she wants
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She’s an adult. You have no say. Sounds to me like you’re controlling.
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Are you serious? At 21 she’s asking out of respect to you. She doesn’t need your permission even if she does live under your roof!
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She’s 21, teach her safe sex, she’s gonna do it with or without you so I’d make it easier on the both of you
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They will do it anyway
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first off donut , stop acting as if being a waitress and having a college education is anything holding her back….
second off shes gonna leave your house soon im guessing and cut off ties with your overbearing self and then we’ll hear in 6 months a question about …
why my adult daughter cut me off and wont talk to me anymore.
you have a say about what goes on in your house but you cannot tell her what to do with her free time or who to do… you dont own her stop acting like shes property
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I would rather know where my daughter was and who she was with
She’s an adult and will find a way to be with him anyway
It’s also the 21century
Just my opinion
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While she’s an adult and free to make her own choices, she still lives in your house. So your rules. End of discussion.
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She is adult under ur roof or not she is 21 she was respectful for even asking u cuz at 21 I wouldn’t have even asked my mom and it’s not like it’s ur house she asking to have him stay at
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I lived in my parents house through college. I went to a university that was literally a few mikes away from home, so staying on campus would have been pointless.
He lived on campus but had a roommate. (Like shared a bedroom in a dorm, roommate.) My parents let him stay over as much as I wanted. I was an adult in college. 20 something year olds are gonna kanoodle wether you like it or not. Just let them be together. Explain about safe sex.
I think if she’s in her 20s, let her be. She’s an adult.
Be lucky she asked you. She is old enough to go an sleep so where’s else.
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She’s 21. She doesn’t need your permission
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That’s your opinion though, she didn’t even really have to ask. She could have told you she got herself a hotel room, or not told you anything at all. She’s 21 and your treating her like she’s 15/16. Keep on and she will move out.
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Ya know she could’ve just lied to you an said she was staying out with a chick friend…it speaks volumes she asked you out of respect…smh, she is 21 years old and an adult, you have no right to tell her where she can and cannot go…your house, your rules, not your house, not shit you can mfking do.
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She’s a grown person, she’s probably having sex regardless if she’s staying the night, so what are you depriving her of, physical affection, cuddling, waking up next to somebody…that’s about it.
I feel like since she’s asking to spend the night at his house then you don’t have much say. However, if she was asking him to stay at your house, then you can say no. She’s 21. I totally understand wanting to protect her and thinking it’s too soon, but she’s an adult and unfortunately has to learn from her own mistakes at this point.
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Your house your rules
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You don’t get to decide that when they are 21
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Aww stay over his house ? Shes 21 she dont need to ask permission for that
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Shes 21. That girl can do w.e she wants. Smh girl i would’ve walked right past you & went anyways
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I think your 100 percent right she living in your roof so she she should not sleep in his house your a parent your going to worry no matter what age she is especially if she is living with u so stand your ground
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Your house your rules but you can’t control what she does when she’s out of your house.
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Um… If she is over the age of 18 then she is an adult. However if she still lives with you she still needs to obey house rules or go live somewhere else.
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So your adult daughter wants to sleep with their adult partner all while enjoying the benefits of being a child living at home for free?? Um adults don’t live at home so maybe it’s time for her to grow and go. Your house, your rules.
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Imagine knowing all the things your adult child does without telling you?!?!? All the fun will be had at his place, it’s ok.
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At 21 she can do what she wants at 19 I moved in with my boyfriend and were still together 2 kids and a house later. I think its amazing she even asked you. Plus there’s birth control if she’s on it shes not going to get pregnant well at least a high chance of not going to
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Your lucky she asked you because guess what at 20 it would be a cold day in hell I would ask permission to go spend time with my bf.
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She’s 21. I feel sorry for her. She should not ask you
Stop controlling her life. You shouldn’t be her birth control. 
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Treat her like an adult and let her pay her portion oh the bills, all these people saying it’s amazing she asked you…F THAT it’s your home that she squats in!
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In my home. If you’re under my roof it’s my rules. Also we don’t allow boyfriends and girlfriends to stay with each other randomly especially when they’re only dating a week. He basically wants sex and will probably toss her aside afterwards
Shes nearly 21 and didnt need to ask but respect the fact that she did, shes being honest with u so i think u should say yes but just let her know your concerns. U shouldnt assume shell get pregnant young just because u did, maybe shes mature and will make sure she doesnt have children til shes ready. Saying no will cause problems and she may resent u for it! If my parents said no i wanted to do it even more.lol but now ive got children i do understand that i put them through lots of worry. There has to be comprimising i supposex
As parents we need to listen and realise times have changed maybe if he stays over at yours he sleeps on couch or spare room but if you push too far she’ll push right back and no one wins
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She is an adult. She should be able to make this decision. Denying an adult to do as they want will likely lead to her doing it anyway just lying to you. Be thankful she respects you enough to ask. Maybe consider showing the same respect to her and showing her you trust her instinct, even if you disagree.
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She lives in your place, she has to abide by your rules regardless if she is an adult or not. Parenting never stops, doesn’t matter the age of the “kid”.
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She’s 21 years old! She’s a grown adult!! This is a little crazy. I could MAYBE understand being hesitant around 18, but 21!?!? Weird.
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I feel like you need to back up off of her because she’s an adult. She can go and do as she pleases. You’re only hurting her in the process and she may never come to you for things in the future and may resent you over this. I wasn’t allowed to stay anywhere else when there was boys but if they came to my house then my mom had an eye on us and the door had to stay open. If you don’t put a little faith into your child then she will rebel anyway and will resent you in the future.
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‘Sleeping together’ does not always result in pregnancie. Ever heard of birth control? She’s 21 years old, she deserves some respect too. She’ll have sex anyway.
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This can’t be a real post…
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She asked which shows she respects you, you taught her well… you gave her your answer based on your values and morals… she can do as she pleases and she would even if she was younger… but, she will take into account your opinion and teachings… as a mother, you should not always change your values to please others, Im sure she knows you love her and said no to her out of love and care… she will make her own decision but if it turns out negative you’ll know you gave the right advice… of course she’ll learn her own mistakes but parents should guide young adults and not just throw them out with the wolves… as many bad things happening in this world we need the extra care
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She’s 21. She can do what she wants. Out of respect all she has to tell you is that she won’t be home that night.
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She’s 21 lmfao, Wth are you doing
Trying to control her? So if she was 30 and living with you she still has to ask to go out? I can only imagine what she’s not telling you. Lol If it’s that much of a big deal make her help with bills but you cannot be controlling that women.
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Landsakes! Will she still be asking your permission when she’s 30…you were a teen Mum…doesn’t mean she’s going to get pregnant…you can’t make up for that through your very grown up daughter…too much control.by you is not good for her…lighten up Mum…
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My mom was more like bring over rather than let me go to a unfamiliar place for overnights. A week is pretty soon I guess but hope u don’t assume one overnight could get her pregnant. And she’s actually old enough to be comfortably discussing safer methods of BC with u.
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