I agree a week is way too soon, but she is an adult and if that’s what she wants to do, you really can’t stop her from going over there. But since she lives with you rent free you don’t have to allow her to have him over at your place.
Yeah 21 is an adult one thing not letting it in your home but if she wants to stay with him outside the house there’s not really much say you have in it bit controlling for me tell her to go on contraception if your worried about pregnancy
Regardless of where if they’re gonna have sex they’re gonna have it…better to be under ur roof than down a back alley somewhere like I had to do when I was younger…it may not feel right for you…but its the safer option…what wud u do if they decided to get married in a month…would u stop them sleeping together at urs then…???
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She’s 21 lady!! She’s not going to be at your house either. Sheesh! I would for sure be getting away from you & fast. She can’t go out & be an adult w/o even asking you, cut the cord before she tells you where to go- And rightfully so.
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Shes an adult you cant control what she does. You will end up not having a relationship with your daughter. Your gonna push her away SMH
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She is grown. She shouldnt have to ask your permission to do things outside of your home. I get she still lives at home and she should ask permission if it has anything to do with your home. But outside your home you should have no say and let her experience life and make her own choices. You cant do everything for her and not let her make her own decisions
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Her life is not your life. Just because you made those choices doesnt mean she will. She is not you! My mom had me at 19, i was 25 when i had my 1st. Yes it is your house your rules but she’s also an adult. I lived with my mom at 20 and i asked out of respect but she your an adult I can’t control you.
“Adult” daughter !! Why does she need you to “allow” her any permission for anything ??
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Parents need to realize that if they can’t get past their discomfort with their young adult children having sex in their house they’re going to have sex SOMEWHERE. Wouldn’t you rather it be safe and sound at home instead of in a car or park in the middle of the night (where cops can write them up or creeps can find them)? Not to mention this isn’t even a teen here, she is an adult and she sounds like she’s responsible considering she pays her way besides rent, let her boyfriend stay the night, she’s a woman now.
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My son brought a girl home from college his sophomore year for fall break.
They’re going to have sex anywhere. At least under your roof, you know they’re safe and not out drunk driving etc. My mom let me bf stay the night in high school lol. I was less likely to be having sex at my PARENTS HOUSE! Loosen the reigns a little mom. She’s 21!
She’s a grown ass woman. Stop treating her like a 13 year old.
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While I agree a week is too early she is an adult, she may live with you but again, she is an adult and can do as she pleases. Now if his parents say no then that’s different. And you can say no to him staying over.
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Let her get a hotel for them to sleep together. But there’s no way that she would be Brg some teenage boy or even an adult male to shack up in my home. Plus she just met him. I wouldn’t care if my daughter was 40 she’s not brging a man n my home to spend the night let her get her own place. I wouldn’t have dared asked my mother something like that in the first place. It shows how much respect she have for her mom. NO‼️
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Ya, at 21, she’s right. It’s wired. I’d be happy she even came to you at all. I can grante you that I would not have done the same if the shoe was my my foot. There would have been no asking or anything. I simply would have made up my own mind.
Edit- your making it out that it’s a bad thing that she’s 1) A waitress 2) that she’s not in college or university. You sound condescending, snobby and someone that is extremely hard to deal with. She’s working. Not sitting on her ass doing Jake all.
Ummm she’s 21 she should be able too. 
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I too have my 21 yr old daughter that lives with me Bill free. She asks to go hang out with her best friend which as long as her room isn’t trashed I have no issue with. I think she asks out of respect and habit lol. I too was a teen mom so I can relate. Though you can’t stop her I too think a week is too soon to be spending the night and I think its absolutely absurd for her to be spending the night with him and he too still lives with his parents. I’m sorry but thats embarrassing and I would feel so awkward. But again, she is an adult and can do as she pleases outside of your home.
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Lmao she’s almost 21. Almost Legally able to drink. You don’t have a say even if she’s living with you 
She’s an ADULT and can make her own choices on whether or not she wants to go stay at a mans house. She don’t need your permission. And if you kick her out or make her pay bills if she don’t “listen” then that’s just bad parenting! You can not protect them forever!! Do you still ground her too?
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My husband and myself met when we were 19 and we both lived at home. I would stay the night over the weekend every weekend. His parents not my parents had an issue with it. I was an adult and so was he. We’ve been together for 11 years and married for 2. To each their own.
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Ummm like why even ask this she’s an adult and has been for a couple year’s now. So who cares if I was your daughter I wouldn’t tell you and just do it. She shouldn’t have to ask mom to stay anywhere!!! Even if she lives with you not your business she can tell you if she likes but you have no right to tell her no!
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Sounds like a lot of people missed the point she lives at her moms house. Who let’s people in their home to spend the night after a week of meeting or dating??
My kids couldn’t just bring anyone new over to my house without checking first, thats just common sense and common courtesy at any age.
As far as the sex part goes, sounds like the mom feels like she made a mistake and is putting extra pressure on her daughter, she’s going to have to have to learn to separate the two, and to accept the life her daughter chooses. But as far as ppl spending the night. Nahhhh. Especially once someone gets comfy, it’s hard to get them out, what if he’s a thief, a bum a whatever. Go to his parents house , but not up in here.
When she gets her own place.
I’m 21, and I still stay over at my boyfriend’s house (he’s 22) and he still lives with his parent. Nothing wrong about it? She’s 21, she’s an adult
They’re adults. Get over yourself.
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My then 18yo son was on his own for 7 months and then moved home for about 4 months. The first week home, he asked if it was ok to go hang with friends/spend the night. I laughed and said “You’re a grown man. You don’t need permission anymore. Just let me know if you’ll be gone all night so I can lock the door.”
Can’t imagine telling a grown person what/where they can/can’t go…lol
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I agree with you 100% momma! However she is an adult, so I would tell her this. “Yes you are 21 and grown, so if you want to do things outside of will/belief, feel free to move out and live your adult life. I just can not condone you doing things outside of my moral beliefs bc I want what’s best for you”.
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I wouldn’t care and am surprised she asked if she could like a child.
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She doesn’t have to ask you she’s 21!
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You have a say about what happens in your house but thats it.
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This is definitely a difficult situation to be in. That’s your house and your rules apply. I have an almost 19 year old as well but this has never come up. I’m not sure what I’d do if this came up. I think it would depend on the sleeping situation. I allowed my 21 year old niece and her boyfriend to stay with us for a few days while visiting but they slept in separate rooms. We’re very open and realistic about life and what could happen as far as babies, std’s, emotional and spiritual ties as well.
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Your house your rules. She wants to do that then she can get a place of her own.
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I say if it’s that important to her then she is old enough to rent a room at a hotel somewhere. Then she could have complete privacy and they are both adults so I don’t see the problem with it. If your concerned about young adult preganacy then you should talk to her about yours and her concerns. And just… be mature about it
You’re trying to control a whole ass adult 
her friends are right, it’s weird as hell. She’s 21 and obviously is old enough to get on some type of birth control or knows what a condom is. Might want to step down before you ruin the relationship by being so controlling.
This has to be a joke post. I was already married by 21, got married 3 months after turning 20lol. Been married to him for 14yr and counting lol.
You really have no say so take a seat and tell her to be careful.
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She is 21 yrs old old enough to make her own decisions. You want to protect her I get that but she needs to live her life she may make mistakes but that’s how she is going to grow and learn. You are there to listen now and give your opinion to her but she is a young lady who is old enough to make her own choices now right or wrong. You did your part in raising her and I am sure you did a wonderful job, so trust her.
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We didn’t let our boys have their gf’s spend the night while they were living at home….no matter how old they were. It’s different if they are married or if they live on their own far away and come to visit or something but no, not while they lived at home for free….we let our boys live at home as long as they wanted for free as long as they had full time jobs or went to school….as I told my husband, you have to give them some incentive to move out!
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Well, she IS an adult and should not have to ask your permission to do anything outside of your home. It would certainly be respectfully to say “hey mom, I won’t be home tonight” so you don’t worry. Should she expect her boyfriend to stay in your home? Absolutely not. Should you expect to control ANYTHING she does as an adult? Absolutely not. It’s also not your business what someone else allows their adult child to do in their home. Time to cut the umbilical cord. 
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Shes 21, when my kids where adults living at home I didn’t care if they spent the night out just tell me your not coming home, but we did not allow her bf to sleep over our home. What his parents allow is their business
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She’s TWENTY ONE and you’re regulating her romantic/sex life?? Unhealthy much! She has to learn to make decisions like this on her own.
It’s not your house and she doesn’t have to ask for your permission. She can now come and go as she pleases. I’m sure you’ve taught her about protection so don’t assume she will get pregnant and if you want her to pay her to get her own place then tell her. College isn’t required for a good job. There are many trades she could learn and make more money than someone with a college education.
I moved out at 19, cause that’s when I actually graduated from high school. I wish I went to college, but i had my first daughter when I was 21, conceived at 20. Then again my mother was the controlling type which made me want to move out as soon as I could. So you must be a great mom if she’s still living with you. It’s good she’s working. And good that she actually asked you for permission, even at her age. She trusts your judgment. Talk to her why you answered the way you did a
So she can understand your reasoning behind your answer. She is an adult and deserves to be explained to now. Good luck.
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Is she special needs where you still have guardianship or legal control over what she does? When she goes to the doctor for things about her body, does the doctor have to talk to you about them instead of her? If she is not mentally incapacitated where you are still her guardian, or something along those lines, she’s a grown woman and you have no right to say what she does with her own self. The fact that she even asked for your permission at that age shows how much you control her. Be careful. She’s going to resent that here real soon if things continue in a good direction with this guy, or any guy. Yeah, your house, your rules. But she’s not asking about doing something at your house. She’s asking to spend the night at her boyfriends house who’s parents recognize he’s an adult.
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Why in the hell is she still at home she should of been gone long ago
Be lucky she’s even being honest w/ you. She could of told you she’s sleeping over a friends house . You stopping her from sleeping over won’t stop her from having sex & potentially getting pregnant. That’s not something you can control.
I can understand not wanting them to sleep together in your own home, and that rule should be respected. However, she’s an adult. Whatever she decides to do outside your home is strictly her business and really doesn’t need to ask your permission. You can give your loving advice and point her in the right direction but she needs to start making her own decisions.
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Tell her if she wants to be treated like an adult she needs to pay rent and be an adult.
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I was married at 21 
let her do what she wants!
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I understand your feelings & agree since they’ve only been together one week. I hope she’s seen a doctor to protect herself & her future.
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Dang… I don’t think you understand that your CHILD is not a CHILD anymore. Fortunately, she is a WOMAN. Capable and able to make ADULT DECISIONS for herself.
Time for you to put the helicopter away & let her live her life before she starts to resent you for your controlling behaviors.
What happens in YOUR home, YOU can control. But what a GROWN ass woman does in someone else’s home, is out of your control.
And please…don’t ask to speak to his parents
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Talk to her, explain why you have these beliefs. I too was a teenage mother and never wanted it for my kids, so I was real about it and made sure my daughter was on birth control and brought condoms to protect both my daughter and my sons. I respected their choices and they showed me the same respect. My daughter was 21 when she and her then boyfriend now husband he was 23 had there 1st child, they now have 3 children and are very much in love and happy. None of my boys have had kids yet and they are 31, 27 and 25. Trust in her, but communication is the key I believe.
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She adult 
let her go… don’t stop her from anything…
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Your house = your rules. My mom had some pretty “strict” rules growing up(or so they seemed at the time). Looking back, I am thankful for everything she didn’t allow me to do/places she wouldn’t let me go.
Yes, your daughter is an adult, but she’s not grown. If she wants to have a boy spend the night with her, she can find her own place and pay her own bills. I realize my opinion is not the polular one, but that’s how I feel. All of the comments saying you don’t have any say since she’s 21, no ma’am, that’s what’s wrong. In your house, you should have as much or as little say as you want.
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You think they ain’t doing this during the day? Teach safe sex and let her do what she wants. She’s 20
Living at home or not, she’s an adult. I dont feel like she needs your permission whether she is living in your home or not. Its one thing to ask permission for him to stay the night in your home. If his family is okay with it, then I dont really see the issue.
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She’s almost 21 an ADULT she shouldn’t even have to ask js
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Your house your rules.
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I was living with my boyfriend at 21 . She’s an adult, she can make her own decisions.
When I dated my now husband we slept in separate rooms when he stayed with me at my mom’s but that’s her home we wasn’t married 28 at the time we do have Christian views and respect however he had his own home and we were adults so…but asking you If she can leave the house is a bit much
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She’s 21 wtf time to let go that girl is grown … Mine is 18 and I’m having to get used to the fact that she is now allowed to make her own decisions… She still lives at home while I have the power to say who comes in my home I can’t tell her where she can or can’t spend the night … If I don’t like a situation I can express that to her but ultimately it’s her choice!!!
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She’s 21…she shouldn’t need your permission to spend the night anywhere. She can have sex anywhere and get pregnant. You’re only teaching her that she has to sneak around to be happy. Let her be an adult and stop holding a thumb down on her.
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Umm when she turned 18 it became her right to do what she chooses. Be glad she has respected your wishes as much as she has. Discuss birth control and anything you want her to know pertaining to a sexual relationship. Beyond that it really is her life. Sounds like you have raised her right. Trust her to make good choices. Be her confidant not her jailer. Best of luck.
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You can’t control her forever.
my husband and I were living together at 16yrs old, same room, same bed…
While I see it’s uncomfortable for you more then anything she is an adult she deserves to be able to go on dates, it is just as much as her home as yours… Especially if she 21… Would you rather her be in her room safe or out somewhere with him or someone else in the future all because it made you uncomfortable…
She respected you enough to ask permission so in my opinion I think you should let her make her own decision with a gentle reminder they have only been together for a week and can he afford to raise a child ( if pregnancy happens) for the next 18 years. Thought to ponder. Good luck
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I agree with this parent…if she still lives under ur roof n pays nothing to live there.shes still it property ur the parent not her if she wants to do those things than tell her to go live with her bf
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she is an adult once she turned 18! how r u gonna ask us a question like this bout an adult u have no say what she does ! let her love her life smh
Um ma’am your daughter is grown as hell. Why does she need your permission to do something outside of your home just because she lives with you. Let her be and let her live. God forbid she gets a place of her own, how you gonna act then
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At 21, you can give your opinion but they literally don’t have to listen. You shouldn’t be controlling your daughters life to this degree anymore. You should be grateful she even asked. I wouldn’t have at 21.
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Just because she wants to spend the night, doesn’t mean she’s going to have sex. She’s 21. If you haven’t had the ‘where babies come from’ talk yet, 
do so. Provide birth control and or condoms. Maybe she wants to have dinner with his parents and get to know him more. Doesn’t mean sex is going to happen. And if it does. She’s old enough to make that decision.
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She’s a grown ass woman lol 21 you don’t let her do anything. It’s time to cut the cord ladym
Hmm. I never went to uni, had my first baby at 19. Was living under my parents roof and hey ho shit still happened. He moved in for a few months whilst we saved for our first home. We moved out when our baby was 5 months old, had another child 2 years later and we are both doing very VERY well. So you don’t NEED a college education to achieve what you need. There’s NOTHING wrong with being a waitress either by the way. Cos you make it sound like it’s a lowly yuck job. Which is not.
Can we say toxic? Parents like this force their children to lie to them.
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She will end up doing it anyway and you’re risking your relationship with your daughter.
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Sorry was she doesn’t need your permission to do anything.Time to cut the apron strings mama or she’ll end up living with this guy
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She’s an adult . You don’t have to right to tell her shit.
She’s 21… why are you trying to stop her?
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I was brought up no boyfriend was allowed to stay at my house. It was same rule for my daughter . Xx
She’s probably already having sex. The bigger concern is birth control. At that age, they will find a way to do it. It’s your house, your rules. But dont be surprised if she starts planning to move out, or just stops coming home.
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When my sons turned 18 they knew all I asked of them was to let me know if they weren’t coming home. No sleepovers here though. I assume by 18 it’s on them. We raised them and teach them but cannot govern all their lives. Must have worked. Grown good young men now
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Your house your rules and all but she is an adult. I was a young mom but I didn’t get pregnant in my parents home. If they’re not there they’ll be somewhere else. At least if they’re home you know they’re safe. After I got pregnant my mom let my boyfriend move in with us. Now almost 10 years later we’re married and getting ready to move out of state together.
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Just because you don’t allow her to spend the the night . They still doing what you don’t want them to anyway. Either behind your back at you house or his house or places they shouldn’t so if you get a call from the jail that your daughter was caught banging it out in a car in the park. . . Its your fault.
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She’s an adult. Gotta let go and let her make her own choices, so she can learn to make the right ones.
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Shes an adult…she shouldn’t have to ask permission at 21 years old but she still respected you enough to ask. If you feel she’s smart enough to be safe intimately then that’s her choice to make not yours. As long as she know the risks I don’t see the issue.
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She’s an adult. I have 18 and 19 year olds. Our rules are tell us if you’re coming home. All your fears are your fears don’t displace them onto her. Let her live and learn. You can’t keep making her choices.
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Wow, control freak. This is a good way to push your children away so they move out and stop talking to you. So to answer your question, you’re wrong. This is weird and your daughter is an adult. Butt out and stop being so controlling
Wow I only read like 3 lines and,
She is 21 you don’t control her anymore, it’s not your call to say yes or no,
Cut the cord and let her grow
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She’s 21, an adult. As much as we want our kids to stay kids you can’t control her any more. The fact she asked you permission shows that you have controlled her her entire life. You have the right to give her your opinion. I also feel your opinion is valid. But she doesn’t have to listen to you. If you prevent her from making her choices you will be pushing her away. She will be making more bad choices just because she can.
They have probably already had sex. Possibly under your roof. The best you can do is advise her on birth control.
I don’t think a 21 year old should have to ask for your permission to do anything. That is an adult now. If you suffocate her she’ll just leave all together.
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Momma I know its hard, but a home isnt the only place to have sex. My parents gave me a curfew because after midnight things could happen, OMG . If its only about sex. They dont really know each other yet. Just talk to her about consequences…
My son is 19. Lives at home. I told him, i can control who he brings over, i.e gf etc . And im not doing a spenndanite deal. He shares a room with his brother after all BUT i also told him, play big boy games (sex,etc) have to deal witha big boy score. Thankfully he just works and play C.O.D all day
At least she asked. Have a talk tell her your feelings-gently. Just let her know you lovee her unconditionally, but let her make her own decisions. Then guide her. Don’t take a chance on losing her😊
She’s grown. As long as she was being safe and I would talk about birth control but other than that it is none of my business. Let her go before you end up not having a relationship with her
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Young one - think about this again - I’m not saying you should let her ( but she’s 21an adult - flip side your house your rules) but she will have to make the decision herself- if you say no - remember forbidden fruit is the best fruit when we were young. Talk to her - if she does decide then maybe it’s time for birth control.
Being a waitress with out a college education has helped me raised 2 kids by myself and provide so much better for for. So im unsure how that statement is even relevant. Also you can’t let your experience hinder their life skills and learning. I’ve been burned by a pot or pan on the stove many times, but my kids still have to learn to cook. I know we want to protect our kids, but that shouldn’t involve hindering their growth into adulthood, they have to learn. She is gonna have sex whether she is in her car or at his house. At least if she isn’t having to hide being with him from you, she won’t take ad many off the cuff risks
Living under your roof she should respect your home if you told her no. When she isn’t home that’s a different story. I always ask my adult kids let me know if they aren’t coming home.
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I think it is very respectful she asked, and I think it is inappropriate that you involve yourself in her relationship and choices within it. Mark my words. Take your hands off of that or you will lose her, and soon. What is shockingly inappropriate to me is that she feels she has to have your permission at 21 to spend the night somewhere. A sex life at her age is completely healthy and normal in a relationship.
She’ll just do it behind your back now but she’s 21, not 17.
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My opinion: she may be an adult in the legal sense but in reality she isn’t completely self sufficient. Therefore, your house and your rules
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Being nearly 21 and living under your roof, you can not tell her what she can and can’t do, nor does she have to ask for permission. You tell her what time you want her home by before you lock up the house, and she tells you when she’s not going to be home for the night. You don’t get to control an adult child just because they live in your house.
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A week really… teach her the 90 day rule for women. If you don’t want to be a grandma, she needs guidance from you. A week isn’t long enough to “know” this guy. Have the STD talk to.
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