Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum.
the fact that you’ve admitted to him being manipulative and abusive, regardless of ‘when it’s good it’s good’ I think you know the answer love …. let yourself find the person who doesn’t make you question yourself you’re worth it!
Run and throw him in the trash. If stuff is bad now it’ll only get worse as time goes on.
Time to move on. His culture/religion are important to him and his family and that isn’t going to change. It will be a lifetime of issues, especially when you have children. Move on now and never take any abuse or put downs!
Ok now do yourself a big favor and re read your post like it was someone else who posted it . What advice would you truly give if it weren’t you . Then take your own advice. Be you’re own hero .
Run this sounds like a toxic abusive relationship, you deserve better.
He sounds like a jerk!
You need a white dud to quit inter breeding
Love yourself first.
Girl, run! HE’S the one that’s not good enough for you!
I know you love him very much and he might say he loves you…but his culture and his parents will ALWAYS come first. Always. This is a no-win. You will never be loved, treated or accepted the way you deserve to be by this man. It’s not you, it’s the culture. The longer you stay, the more emotionally beaten down you will become. Find someone who loves you for YOU - Canadian women are awesome (I am one ) and you need to be in a place for that lucky man to find you. Hugs
As someone who was married to a very manipulative and sometimes abusive man. Leave now. I can tell by the way you’re sticking up for him and blaming yourself that he’s already degraded you, and trust me it will only get worse. When I left I felt the size of a pea. But I gradually got my confidence back, and started feeling more like myself.
It can work. He just sounds like a douche
It doesn’t matter what race, religion, culture someone has–that is abuse–get out before it gets worse
He will never change his beliefs. And you don’t agree with them. There will never be a resolution to this argument. Cut ties and quit wasting time.
If he’s treating u like that now … imagine down the line
Be straight w him … ask him do you ever see us being more (if that’s truly what u want)
Some cultures just don’t mesh if there’s no balance
The fact that you are already “feeling that u lost ur mind” … to me is … a persons health is mental & physical … you can’t be the best version of u if he’s fkn w ur state of mind
Best of luck
It makes me sad that you say “just Canadian” or just white. Be proud of yourself regardless. But I think the best advice I saw was to go back and read your post as an outsider. If he really loves you he would work it out and you wouldn’t feel this way!
Good chemistry isn’t all a relationship should be. And if he talks to you like this now.,.when your married it could get worse. Time to move before it escalates to physical harm.
And he seems like a narcissist. Go forth be happy really happy.
Leave. He’s definitely gaslighting you. If you were important to him he would make you important to his family. The fact that you get the feeling that he brushes off your relationship as not serious so because that’s how he feels
Go back and read your post like your sister or best friend wrote it to you wanting advice. What would you say to her? I think you already know what you should do. You should never have to question your self worth in a relationship. You are worthy just the way you are.
If he wants a subservient helpmate then that’s his prerogative but he should go on and find one rather than try to mold you into something that you are not. Leave now before you two get more serious than you already are.
many albanian parents are okay with their sons marrying outside of their culture because a lot of women adapt to their culture and celebrate their traditions. but if this man is treating you as you’re temporary and having his options open ( to find an albanian woman ) id say cal it quits because in the end you will end up hurt. I am albanian and I know these things. thankfully my parents were open minded when it came to my brothers dating outside of our culture!
Get rid of that man… he is they kind of man who will belittle till u have no more of u left then leave and say its cuz ur weak… don’t stay in this… a verbally/emotionally abusive relationship is the worst… The man is an insecure *** and he is putting u down to feel better of himself. STOP LOVE HIM AND LOVE URSELF!!
Abuse is abuse. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news but if he’s abusive now it will only get worse.
There is no future with this man…at least not a good one. You will never be good enough for him or his family. He will continue to belittle you to make himself feel superior. He stays as a convenience and the more he gets you to believe that you are the problem, the weaker you will become until you have no confidence left. Walk away NOW while you still can.
YOU CAN DO THIS
YOU ARE STRONG
YOU ARE WORTH IT
If he’s verbally abusive, IT’S STILL ABUSE! With gaslight on top of it. Run. Been there. You will find someone who will appreciate you and your cultural
I was in a similar relationship. It doesn’t change. He’ll always hide you from his family, and he will marry someone from his culture, even if he says he loves you. Leave. Find someone who thinks you’re great how you are🤷🏼♀️
Honey,he will always side with his family and beliefs! That’s how he was raised. Talk to him and ask!
You sound Krazy !! What white woman or any woman for that matter would ever take verbal abuse or any abuse from a man that supposedly loves her ?? All I read is excuses for how he treats you !! You deserve better and should seriously rethink how you believe that it’s ok for him to treat you !! Is this the kind of man you would want your daughter to be with??
Love him from a long distance.
You are being sucked
into a life where you become nothing
You are nothing to
Yes, that’s gonna hurt
you now too.
Just like his words did.
Just like hitting you
Will Hurt and that is
One a person tells you
who they are …
BELIEVE THEM THE FIRST TIME
Never feel your not good enough for him never been in your situation good luck
I had to drop reading this halfway fir this reason. First let me say this is only my opinion stop it now! It hurts but because if the signs of abuse is there already. They always want to marry thier own cultural women to please the family… Let him go…it will save you a lot of wasted energy. Best if luck to you in whatever you choose. Stay safe
Run. Know your worth.
This is so far beyond cultural differences. This is flat out abuse. Check out the book “Why Does He Do That?” by Lundy Bancroft. You are definitely being gaslit. The fact that you think you’re crazy and you’re the problem tells you that. It also sounds like he’s using triangulation to manipulate and control you (comparing you unfavorably to the women of his family/culture to get you to do what he wants). I suggest you get as far away from this man as possible. The sooner the better because verbal and emotional abuse is the precursor to physical abuse.
Run, run, run.!!! You would not let a friend treat you this way. You are being used big time.
Not only is he egotistical, but he’s also a narcissist and prejudice. If he’s that verbally abusive to you now, imagine how much more levels of worse it will be IF you two do get married… it won’t be just from him, but from his family as well. You do not deserve that - nobody does. I know you may love him, but by the sounds of it, he does not love you as much as he says he does - if he truly loved you and respected you as a whole (and not in parts or pieces), he would not treat you, pick you apart, and talk down to you the way that he does at all. He should be treating you as an equal at all times, during both ups and down of a real relationship. You have not lost your mind, but if you stay in this relationship with him, it’s sad to say that you will eventually lose yourself completely.
“He can be verbally abusive”. You just answered your own question.
Ask yourself would you approve your daughter being in this type of relationship ?
That is your answer
I will NEVER understand why some women put themselves through this. Honey you KNOW where he stands so why are you wasting your time? You are just a place holder until he finds a the type of wife that he wants. Then we he does find that woman he will either 1 discard you or 2 try to still have you on the side. TBH, you should let this “relationship” go. Let him go and stop any and ALL contact. Yes it will hurt in the beginning but each day it will hurt a little less until one day you are completely over him. Right now there is a perfect man for you but until you let go of this toxic relationship, you will never find him.
I mean this but NIT in a hurtful Way. These type of men mostly like white women or should I say American women because they want a fling not to take home to family
No thats a form of abuse. You aren’t the problem, he is the problem. End things now before things get worse.
Please get out of this relationship
Cultural differences should not be making him abusive to you or ashamed of you. I know many mixed relationships that are extremely happy . Hes using you
Leave now. Its a toxic relationship. You are wasting this time on something with no future.
If he talks shit to you now marrying him down the line is just gonna make it worse. A lot of other cultures look at woman as less than and it sounds like his his one of them.
Why would you WANT to spend your life qith someone like that?
If you are ashamed its time to end it
I don’t undertan the race thing, Albanians are from a white race. But i thinkyou should run. Their coulture is not good to women.
You aren’t crazy you are just losing yourself to please him and unfortunately enough you will probably never please him to the fullness of what he truly desires and wants bc as you yourself stated you aren’t what he is you come from completely different worlds and in his world women are and will always be of lesser value no matter what you do and it is their way of life. If you are truly willing to let your life and family go to try and satisfy him by all means do that but if you want a healthy life filled with great memories and your family walk away from the situation now. God Bless and best of luck in your decision. He has already shown you that he has no respect for women especially ones of white descent and are not of his own culture so please be careful.
You deserve better. Leave him.
He is gaslighting you, verbally and emotionally abusing you, making racist & misogynistic comments, etc. If he truly loves you and wants a relationship with you, then he wouldn’t downplay your relationship, belittle you for being Canadian (you even said “just Canadian”…WTF) and treat you as if you are less than him, just because you are a woman!!! Don’t rationalize his attitude as being part of his culture. You deserve better!
This sounds completely unhealthy and out of alignment of who you are the the future you deserve. Not only for yourself but that of any potential children. Core Values and how people treat others especially in anger should be hard lines and absolutes when it comes to your personal relationships. Accepting disrespect now, will inevitably lead to heartache or worse later. This is not the relationship for you.
You shouldn’t feel this way if you are in a healthy relationship…for ANY reason. Stop making excuses for him and find someone who loves and cherishes you just the way you are.
You are taking way to much blame on yourself. It doesn’t matter where you are from. Doesn’t give you the right to be disrespectful to someone or be verbally abusive. You know what you need to do and that’s leave. If you don’t want to try counseling. But honestly, with how you put yourself down I don’t feel it’s worth it anymore. Goodluck. Only you can make the decision
Run away. Don’t look back. Be a proud Canadian and spend time with people who help you reclaim your self esteem
When he meets the woman he is looking for he will drop you in a flash. He’s using you till then. Cut all ties and move on.
Men like that exist in all cultures FYI. You deserve someone who’s gonna treat you the way you want, obviously this relationship is not for you. Nobody should ever make you feel ashamed of who you are.
Has nothing to do with culture. He has little respect for you. End it
He sounds like a narcissist. Drop him fast. He will never change. Let him go. I’m speaking from experience.
Get out, run, do not look back. If you can already see these things enough to post them on FB you know this is not for you. He isnt good enough for you if he is demeening and verbally abusive. Dont allow him the excuse of this is how he was raised. You already clearly know his family is not accepting and if he is already treating you as lesser then stand up for yourself and go far away from this!
Leave him behind! You deserve way better and you will never get it from him! His parents will never allow him to marry you, there is no future with this guy! Good luck
Girl you already know the answer but you aren’t going to listen and just wait for your heart to be broken.
You’re wasting your years honey. I think you already know that he is toxic and it won’t work out, but yet you don’t want to leave. You deserve better.
Get out. So many red flags here.
This is something you really need to sit down with him. I will say, even if he says he loves you, the chances of him marrying you are next to nothing. Sorry. Time to move on.
You’re not in a healthy relationship don’t sell yourself short leave that bum
He has no business being with you if he can’t see you for who you are. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and if you don’t fit his lifestyle you don’t fit his lifestyle. It sounds like he doesn’t fit your lifestyle either. I wouldn’t be with anyone that doesn’t share my values and beliefs. It’s just too conducive to a world of problems and arguments. And even if he and you get along , once you get married and have babies you can bet that his parents will be crazy and in your face about everything
Don’t blame yourself, he is verbally abusing you and putting you down. It will not change, he will not change know matter what you do for him. Don’t keep living like that get out of it asap. You deserve so much better.
You shouldn’t stay with a man, that makes you feel a shamed of who you are, and verbally abuse is still abuse no matter what way you look at it. If he truly loved you he wouldn’t say things that he knows will hurt you, no matter his up bringing. If your not happy in your relationship with him now, you never will be. Don’t put yourself through that.
Girl Run. Dont waste your time…
I am in a very similar situation. I’m American and he’s from eastern Europe. Totally different cultures and lifestyles. My guy is very narcissistic, as well. We have a child together and he agrees on her dual-citizenship but he refuses to get her an American passport because he knows there’s a chance that I’ll take her and go back to America. He’s keeping me stuck here without family and friends, raising our daughter alone. I should have left when I was pregnant. Get out while you can.
So you still love a man who puts down your nationality (just a Canadian), has partially hidden the seriousness of your relationship from his family, has told you his wife requirements are not what you are (culture and religion), insults you when you argue, makes you feel “not good enough” and has you excusing his behavior as how he was brought up, and you think YOU’RE at fault??? Who have you passed up for this “stellar” individual? Run, Forest, run!!!
Just so you know, how he thinks is ingrained in him from a toddler because that goes along with his religion and upbringing, so none of that will EVER change. That’s just how he thinks. Do you really want that for your entire future together? Or do you just not want to be lonely? So you can be gaslit or manipulated for the rest of your life or you can end it, even if you love him, but finally get the respect and love you deserve at some point. Up to you, but it will never change just know that.
So many red flags…GET OUT BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE. He is NOT the man for you. RUN.
you started with “I’m just Canadian” from what I have read, he already holds emotional power over you. You should leave. Right now. You are worth SOOOOO much more than how this man is making you feel. No matter how old you are, wherever it is you are from, you can always start again. Find a love that is worthy of you! Xx
Don’t you see, you’re heading for big trouble, get out now !
This is how he was raised, he’s not going to change and he’s not ever going to take your beliefs into consideration, especially if women are expected to be submissive.
If you’re already dealing with garbage and being made to feel that way marriage will only make it worse. Go find a guy that truly loves you and is proud to be with you.
When people get mad they say things to hurt the other person. The question really is: what are you willing to put up with? Only you can answer that. If you are looking for marriage, you need to make sure that that is his goal too
You are not EVER “just” something… leave. And get therapy to help fix your mindset
People here are giving the same advice which is one sided and could mislead you .Maybe you say lots of insulting things to him. Are you sure you don’t or didn’t? When you insult people they also insult you back whether they necessarily mean it or not .
Get out now. He does not respect you. As soon as you have nothing left to offer he will be gone. You are being used.
It’s not ok that he says those things. At all. Period.
He also should never treat you differently based on who is around, like his family.
I dont think he respects you or takes you as seriously as you do him, and that’s a big red flag.
You will not change his culture…
If you are willing to be second class to him and all men…to be continued to be verbally abused forever…and if you married him then probably beaten stay put…
If you want a loving fun .not tippy toeing at every turn get a new man in your life
If he wants a wife of his own culture and own religion and you already know this then yes you are wasting your time
Sounds great, you should definitely marry him.
But seriously, red flags all over the place and yes cultural differences can and will ruin a marriage, I’ve seen it happen many times to friends.
He’s only with you to get access to Canadian citizenship…
Hi… im sorry you are going through this. Sounds like you are doing your best to look at both sides. While you may understand why your significant other does or says abusive things to you, because of how he was raised etc, its no excuse. And his cultural and generational trauma is no excuse to treat you abusively. If you can, therapy may be able to help get your mind a little more clear about who you are and what you want. And from there you can try to open conversations with him. Life is short. Good luck, sending warm encouragement
And you are Canadian. Not just but you are. Most of those men are taught from a young age how to break down a woman . Get out before he uses u for a green card and then leave u with a child because u are not what his family wants
Don’t allow the color of your skin or culture to continue this abuse . He is a grown man can’t keep blaming his family. He the one with the issues . Move on and find someone who accepts you for you all of you.
Don’t marry him he’s not worth it sounds like he treats you like dirt and its gonna get worse
No just no… no person that claims to love u would make u feel bad about who you are or where u came from… if he can’t tell his family after 3 years he’s never going too. His culture and how he was raised does not give him the excuse to emotionally abuse u, please stop letting him do so. Just the fact you are making excuses for it, knowing that it’s wrong is already a problem and this is exactly how women get stuck in abusive relationships. Love yourself enough to let him go
Honey it’s not going to get any better. If he ever finds that “right girl” that fits into his mold of life style expectations, he will most likely run to her in a heart beat.
He is not worthy of you love, heart, mental health, and other fantastic attributes that I/others could name off. Go find someone that accepts you for you. Respects you for you. Because obviously he never will!
Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical, sometimes worse
Waist of time, get out now or you’ll end up wasting years for him to just drop you in the end. If you arent good enough for his parents its always going to be a problem. If he cant or wont stand up to them now, hes not going to in the future and if on the small chance he does, his parents will resent you because he didnt tell them about u sooner.
I know I’m gonna seems super ignorant when I ask: There’s a difference? You keep saying you’re white, but isn’t he? I know culturally you have differences and maybe he should move on, but to the untrained eye, y’all don’t look too different.
You are in an abusive relationship. Cultural differences can make that worse. You need to protect yourself and find someone that’s not abusive
Get out. Seriously. Wanna see it clearer? Picture your daughter being treated the way you are, belittled, made to feel ashamed and treated like a casual fling to the people most important to her significant other. And all the other shit you didn’t say in this post. Your not “just” anything. You are Canadian. You are white. Period. You don’t have anything to be ashamed about. Unless your willing to adopt his culture, beliefs and become a doormat to his prejudices and bias, get out. You will never be good enough for him. No matter what you change about yourself, or what you say, or do, or accept from him. You cannot change the color of your skin or where you were born. Your looking at spending the rest of your life, being the whipping post for his family. Any failures he has, bad days, frustrations, he, and his family, will blame you. And his family will never accept your children. I’m so thankful your reaching out. Please, follow the advice you reached out for.
Aren’t Albanians White?
One of the reasons that I fell in love with my husband is because he loved me for who I am. You should not not be verbally abused because of who you are, what you look like or any of the things he berates you for. Get out now before you have a child or get married. It will only get much worse. Please listen to what all of these ladies are telling you.