You should have never done a threesome in the first place … you gave him free range to do what he’s doing … next will be a divorce Because now he’s cheating on u
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Can you please give me some relationship advice?
Well, the only problem here is that y’all allowed other people into your bedroom and into the sanctity of your marriage and vows. Not sure anything can fix that
He doesn’t have to “let” you do anything if he’s doing the same thing. I’m willing to be they’re not “hanging out”, they’re having sex. I’d tell him until he stops he needs to expect that you’ll do the same.
Never had that experience, but I would tell him if it continues you’re done! That is cheating, in my eyes. However, I don’t know how you would approach it since you both allowed others in.
You can’t create your own storms and expect not to cry when it rains.
You both invited and welcomed this into your marriage and his behavior is just a consequence of that. I hope you enjoy the rewards of engaging in this type of thing,you didn’t need advice before then why ask now?
Three ways only work when there’s clean rules and boundaries attached. If it was me I’d be sitting down with my husband and discussing what boundaries have been crossed for me and what the rules need to be to keep the main relationship solid. Bringing in others needs solid foundation of trust and communication.
Accept the fact that he’s cheating and you helped open the door for it.
Well, he’s cheating so if I were you I would make an appointment with my Dr to get tested for STDs. Only you know if the marriage can be saved or if you even want it to be saved.
For anybody saying that you messed up by letting it happen, this is a storm you created, etc, just know I see you, and I think you’re valid in your ideas as far as sex and love!
As far as your husband, you have two routes as far as I can see. Put your foot down and tell him enough is enough and you won’t stand for this infidelity as his wife, considering you BOTH brought her in and you BOTH wanted to do so. Polyamory is actual a very intimate thing, and needs frequent communication and discussion to avoid hurting your partner(s).
Or two, you could harmlessly do the same thing he’s doing. Just make sure your stuff is kosher and innocent. Hide your texts, hang out, etc. When he has an issue, bring it up. Tell him how uncomfortable it makes you, just like it makes him.
Either way, you’ll have your answer. He will either fix his nonsense or take his leave. And as much as you may love him, everything happens for a reason.
Stay strong every storm needs a rainbow
Edit to add: please don’t get discouraged by the negative comments here. I’ve been in a situation much like this. You weren’t wrong for experimenting and you didn’t “cause” these issues.
Your husband is making choices free of your input.
You welcomed another woman into your bed so you made your bed, you have to lie in it (pun not intended but when in Rome).
Unfortunately some people give a bad name to swinging and or a ploy life. Not every one acts like that. If you told him it’s hurts you and he won’t listen then he’s probably cheating. Deleting things is him obviously being guilty. I would tell him to either stop or your done. It’s all you can do. Also if she is married or in a relationship talk to her other half about it. Set tour boundaries and stick to it.
Won’t let you?? You grown right?
Communicate to him. Tell him you dont like or find it appropiate how hes behaving. It was somethin you guys tried n’ everyone has to be involved. Tell him its not an open relationship, just a fun time occasionally. Good luck, some couples love living the lifestyle, but i hear it can be difficult emotionally and communication is so important
A threesome Is just supervised cheating
do the same back…did y’all have clear boundaries set up before it all happened? Based on that and from the sounds of it he might be cheating but he might not see it as that…so do the same back
Lol this is why you dont do this in a relationship because shit like this happens.
The problem is you opened your door to other partners. And he had a taste of another woman outside of his marriage. I done that once and my ex left me for that girl I hope that will not happen for you. I am in a devoted relationship now. And we both have agree to Never allow any sexual interaction with any other people but our selves that is a huge no
Relationships have boundaries. I hope you set some before inviting others in. Crossing any of these is cheating. Try setting them now. If you’re going to respect his boundaries by not talking to these men. He should respect your boundaries by not talking to the woman.
You both decided not to stay loyal with each other. I don’t get people who get married, and then break their vows. Why bother with marriage just to sleep with other people? You shouldn’t have no issue with him cheating. You agreed to a threesome along with him.
What did you think would happen
That’s what happens when you open your relationship to crap like this.
This is why you just don’t…idk how it hurts your feelings him hanging with this chick when you straight up watch them hookup…smdh.
Girl, you came to the wrong place for advice. You’re not going to find an understanding point of view from people who are in monogamous relationships. Try finding a polyamorous group.
First of all… you both apparently were not on the same page and did not have the same intentions in the adventure! So it shouldn’t have been done period! You give him an ultimatum her or you! He doesn’t get his cake and eat it too that isn’t how it works in this situation when done correctly sending positive vibes to you!
He clearly doesnt respect you or whatever ground rules you both laid and accepted. If he is deleting messages, its for a reason. Have you talked to the other woman? I would. Sounds to me like he is continuing a relationship with her in which case it is cheating.
Your realionship wasn’t secure enough to bring in friends. What we usually find out in these situations is that our parter wasn’t faithful I was in a situation like this but it was an eye opener because I could tell i was the last one invited to this party
All of these “You let her into his life” comments are ridiculous.
When you have a threesome or swap there are boundaries and rules to it.
It’s NOT her fault her man is a POS.
Nothing wrong with opening up with your sex life. It’s nobody else’s business.
This is on him fucking up and not playing by the rules.
Wrong on all accounts, nothing good will come of this…
Never let anyone else come in!!
Sarah Diveley and this is why I don’t share or bring in others… y’all opened that door to be unfaithful so now you gatta make that bed and deal with it… shouldn’t have brought in three different people shoot shouldn’t have even brought in one person
Congratulations your husband now has a girlfriend
Leave him is exactly what you should do babe!!! You deserve way better than that and are worthy of so much more and respect etc!!! Double standard bullshit needs to stop… you know what to do intuitively even though it hurts… or stuff him and see the men! I bet any money he is still sleeping with her if not together and they think you’re oblivious! I’d shock them with something unexpected
Plain out be having sex with her. Your choice stay or go.
This is why you don’t share your man with anyone else. Karma slapped you in the faceeeeeeeeeee!
He’s cheating with her. 100%
Red flags, they going behind your back
Y’all got issues that’s no marriage nasty
You should have known better about a year ago when agreeing so congratulations y’all officially a triangle of love!
He’s cheating. You just made it easy for him. Some situations you create are kinda like karma. They seem fun at first but come to bite you in the butt later. This is one of those times. Personally I don’t judge people who bring others into their bed and relationship but it’s just asking for trouble no matter how woke and mature you think you are. You get what you ask for in the end.
You watched him in the act with another woman and it didnt bother you, but now that hes hanging out with her its absurd! You should never open your marriage up to other people, this is what happens when you do.
BIG RED FLAGS… this is The main Reason I Have always Said No I don’t Share and u never Know… I wouldn’t be able to sit and watch or enjoy in…
i would get Tested for STDS
NEVER have a threesome with anyone you know!
Okay so shared relationship totally cool notymy thing not here to judge your thing.
But sounds like he cheating on yah just cause you gave the okay doesn’t mean your giving it now and when your not involved. So talk to him lay down rules
I’m not gonna judge you like others here, BUT there should have been rules. Once they are broken it’s 0 tolerance. He’s cheating on you with her. Period
You opened up this can of worms. This is why you don’t have more than one partner and why you shouldn’t share your spouse. But, he shouldn’t be lying or hiding it.
They are still having sex behind your back!
You shouldn’t of had a three-some in the first place. No good will come out of it,as you can now see.
Obviously doing the dirty behind your back get rid
Oh he’s cheating and controlling you hon. Poly relationships are hard and he’s doing it wrong. If you can’t do it right, you can’t do it at all.
Sounds like your partner has added another “partner”
Yeah, he’s still seeing her behind your back.
He crossed a boundary. There’s nothing wrong with threesomes if you and your partner have open lines of communication and can trust one another. He clearly can’t be trusted. He was clearly looking for something more than a threesome
What… ? Please read what you wrote again … This has your answer. YOUR HUSBAND WONT LET YOU , “LET YOU” hang out with them. HES DELETING MESSAGES!!! he’s not yours anymore nor was he probably ever yours. He’s a shared toy and he likes it that way, question in do you like sharing him?
This sounds like the threesome was a way to edge you away from him. A way to screw around without “cheating” because you agreed to it. Now that it’s happened, he’s going to continue with it, with or without you. He is cheating. 110%. My ex tried to get me to do this and when I said no, he cheated anyways. That is why he’s my ex.
Hang out with others guys. He can’t control you. If he’s deleting messages then there’s something going on
When inviting others into the bedroom, you need to set boundaries. These boundaries can be pretty murky when it’s friends you invited in. He’s obviously cheating. Up to you to confront him or leave him. Or both.
I think you opened up a can of worms by sharing him!
Guess give him an ultimatum…stop or we are done!!!
Then don’t tell him your going to hang out with them ?? He isn’t telling you what he’s doing with the other girl. Infact start fresh with someone else he sounds unfixable.
What I think of when I read this. This is You S3
Ahhh. The avalanche of close minded individuals. To each their own and good for them for thinking outside of society brainwash. Sounds more like rules and boundaries should have been set at the time of meeting. You just need to communicate not only to him but her also your feelings and your intentions if not followed. Communication is key for any relationship.
I think you posted this in the wrong group
Idk how you&him could move on and repair from that,some ppl are into open relationships, but id imagine emotions easily get involved,and do it to appease their partners which can turn into resentment ,best advice i can give is separate ,take time to get you’re head right,and let it be a lesson in you’re future relationships
Run or shouldn’t of done the shit in the first place. If your partner agrees to a threesome it’s usually because you aren’t enough and he wants more.
If there were boundaries set before said encounters then they should apply to both you and your husband not just 1 of you. If you tried to speak to him seriously and he don’t listen maybe stopping the threesomes might be in your best interest. Hope all works out
Do you, he’s doing him. Don’t be controlled. Get a job and get single if you need to and deal with the fact that he’s poly and you’re a swinger. Both are alternative lifestyle options but often times people confuse the two. Swingers generally don’t “play” separately and poly people do.
I mean this is what happens when you not only invite this in but more so that proper boundaries were not set. …… better go hang with them men!!! ( lol)
There are 3 things you should never share with anyone outside your marriage…1. your toothbrush…2. your body…3. your husband.
In reference to you wondering about the deleted messages #pssthescheating
Well yall did open that door…what do you expect?
Until he can respect what you want do what you want with the other dudes honestly. Hes playing a game and thinks its fun he gets whatever he wants from both of you at this point. Invite both men over for dinner and leave him out 🤷
You already know…don’t lie to yourself!
He’s still messing with her!
Never invite another person into your relationship
This is why we won’t do it. Because now he’s cheating on you.
Go hand with the dudes anyways…
This is one reason why having a threesome is never a good idea
He liked it. Too much it seems.
Do the exact same thing and tell him you don’t care he WONT LET YOU, until he stops you won’t either,
You are controlling yourself out of respect for him??? But he isn’t showing you the same respect? So why are you listening? Message the other men, go hangout with them, if he wants you to stop then he needs to do the same
That’s why it should never be with people you know and are friends with.
You should have never done a threesome in the first place … you gave him free range to do what he’s doing … next will be a divorce because now he’s cheating
So you just don’t go hang out with the men because he says no? Go and do what you want… he doesn’t care how you feel so why care about how he feels.
PS. He’s cheating on you.
N none, you looked for it, you got it. That’s why you don’t do things like that. Now you know
He’s definitely cheating and you gave him the opportunity to do this. He clearly likes what she’s got better so you might as well let his ass go and go see ur other dudes.
I’d say become poly. Maybe he’s evolved because of the three ways you had. Did something change at home like you treating him poorly after you slept with two different men? Talk to him and see if he wants to stay together if so awesome. An then establish if you both should have someone on the side but still come home to one another.
He’s still getting it in.
Could be worse he could be seeing the guys…
Let her have him. Walk away. If you have kids, 50/50 custody unless one of you is actually unfit.
You opened up a big can of worms doing it in the first place
Once you do that, you don’t have a monogamous relationship…
Once you did that you are no longer the main [email protected]!#$ hate saying it that way I’m not for it but I don’t knock people who are. I tell my friend girls if you know you the side hoe then be the side hoe. He talked you into it so he wouldn’t feel bad about cheating because he don’t have the balls to say he wants a divorce. Honey it’s time you grow some and do right by you. Hope you figure it out.
Seriously, though. The only reason he’s not letting you hang with the dudes is because he knows his intentions with the chick and doesn’t want you to have the same with the men. He broke his vows so it’s up to you at this point. Don’t be controlled and cheated on.
Go hangout with the men. Give him a taste of his own medicine. “Let you?” Girl plz
Yeah that’s sketchy. Never involve friends. It needs to be a completely uninterested third party.
It’s hard to feel bad for you or even sympathy cause you brought this upon yourself…
That’s what led to my divorce 7 years ago
Whatever you like…Do you,cause he’s doing him.