Hey mamas… I need some advice. Do you think it is possible that my boyfriend could be ashamed of how I look or do you tihnk it could be all in my head. let me give some backstory…my boyfriend and I have ben together for 3 years now…he has been great to me and we go out all the time. now his exes are all very skinny and I am 5’8 and 220 lbs…so now where near petite…he has always been a sweet heart to me and very caring but every time his family gets together at his beach house…he either doesn’t take me or we do not go swimming so he says we do not need a bathing suit…but when I am not there, he posts photos of his entire family poolside including him…maybe this is all in my head but I cannot get over the feeling that he is ashmed for his family to see my body since all his other exes were so little…how do i get past t his?
Do you go anywhere with him in bathing suit like vacations etc
Next time take your bathing suit and go swimming. 220 on 5’8 I’m sure you look amazing 
I would think the other way, that he doesn’t want his family to enjoy “his girl” in a bathing suit… not much better tho
It could be that they are not as nice when it comes to others’ weight and he feels he’s protecting you. Or he is worried himself. Just ask him about it. Assuming or stewing will affect you. Just ask♡ if he takes it well or not is on him
I feel like you wouldn’t feel like that for no reason if he’s making you feel that way you should talk to him and see how he reacts and what he says. You should feel comfortable with your body and he should too enough to go swimming with you.
I would point blank just ask him. See what he has to say.
Or next time, bring your swim suit & go swimming regardless of what he says.
You start exercising & eating healthy & lose that extra weight 
Maybe he assumed YOU wouldn’t want to and doesn’t want you to feel awkward?? X
When ya go you go swimming! Also ask him about it and tell him how you feel.
Ext time take it and swim with or without him.
I would talk to him about it … maybe he feels he doesn’t want to put u in a uncomfortable situation maybe he is trying to consider ur feelings but it’s definitely something u should talk to him about and get it off your chest
Take your suit with you and go swimming!
Maybe it’s not him . .aybe it’s the fam. He could could worried someone might hurt ur feelings. Ur tall too so ur going to weight more than the average women. I’m 5’10
Maybe his family are assholes and he is trying to shield you from them.
I would just go swimming the next time you go and just be yourself and if he behaves a certain way go from there, and i would also talk to him about it.
1 : ask him
2: do you give him the impression that you don’t like your body?
Literally ask him-if you don’t, you will continue to wonder
do you speak bad about your own body? do you hate how you look? because if you do then he might just be doing that because he knows you don’t like your body. have you even spoken to him about this? you should.
Instead of asking us try asking him, I’m sure he would tell you if you ask
Talk to him about it. Neither should get upset with the discussion.
he wouldn’t have given you the time of day if he was ashamed you
Its possible he just trying to concider how he thinks you may be feeling about your body and wants to protect you and doesnt want you to feel forced to have to wear one i think he is just trying to protect you because he cares about you.
Get you a beautiful swimming suit they have suits that suits every body type
He may be trying to protect you from his family hurting your feelings.
does he go swimming anywhere else with you aside from his families it could very well be his family
were you 220 when you met him? if yes, then he already knew, and yes, point blank ask him what’s up
Sometimes I feel like my guy is ashamed of my disability… I’m profoundly deaf and hard of hearing. Bilaterally deaf. I can hear with one ear and a hearing aid. . I do not let my deafness define me at all. He won’t learn sign language… Hardly ever talks to me in conversation that last longer than a few minutes. Ahem it’s very confusing…
If you want to go swimming when you visit, go swimming. He doesn’t have to. “We” don’t need swimsuits because “we” aren’t swimming… you’re two people and should each decide for yourselves if you swim or not.
Sounds like he is … most people swim at a beach house !
I’d say he doesn’t mind your body type, you’ve been together 3 years and his exes didn’t last, even tho they were “skinny”
You can ask him… But maybe he just likes spending the time with you? Does he actually go swimming when he’s just there with them? Or only go poolside? He might cuz there’s nobody else there for him to hang with
You can’t get past it…you have to get through it…ask him why your never Included in the family functions… is he bringing someone else and your not aware? And look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself do you love the skin your in…and if so love every ounce of it and depending on his answers if it’s not what you want to hear find someone that will love you flaws and all and be proud to call you his woman…your worth it!
Maybe next time you can say u would like to go swimming and see what he says. Tht is if u want too. Maybe he thinks he’s protecting you or he thinks you don’t like wearing bathing suit in front of people. Maybe it is all in your head. Another thing is everyone carries weight differently. At 5’8… 220 is not necessarily a big deal. It’s not what the scale says it’s how you carry the weight and what Is flattering to wear for ur body type. I’m only 5’4 and weigh 150 ppl think I weigh like 130. Ha! I look super skinny at 130 bc of the way my body is made… also muscle weighs more then fat I’ve heard… so U can’t say just bc ur 220 u look overweight. He obviously thinks you’re beautiful or he wouldn’t be with you.
Ask him outright and love that skin your in girl! Tell him you’d love to go swimming next time you guys are there and if that is an issue then go to the beach without him and enjoy that sunshine 
and as for the girls telling you to lose the weight I’m pretty sure the only weight you’d need to lose would be him considering he’s the one that is coming off rude. You been with him three years, you know what’s sketchy and what isn’t but always always talk about things with him first before jumping to the negative from women online
Talk to him about this. They make some flattering swim suits for women that would make you very attractive no matter your size. Go swimming…
First of all from a male perspective stop looking at pictures of his ex’s
If he wanted to be with his exes he would be but he’s not stop shaming yourself who cares if they’re super skinny
Maybe he thinks YOU don’t want to be in a bathing suit. Even when i was skinny and had a nice body, it would have been my worst nightmare to be in a bathing suit around others…
Have you ever expressed being uncomfortable in a bathing suit to him or anything like that? Maybe he’s trying to protect you from feeling bad about yourself bc you’ve made comments that would make him think so? I only ask bc I am also about your size/height and has almost the exact same thing happen with my ex…turns out she was trying to make ME feel more comfy and not out of place lol when we discussed it it all came out and worked out fine
Maybe he doesn’t want your family leering at you in a swimsuit? You need to drag it out of him. Don’t let his issues plummet your self-esteem
Try go with bathing suit and see what he does…
Flat out ask him why he does take you or ask you to go when his family is at the beach house you can always tell if their not telling you the truth then you will know but guys can say what they want but they really do not want a real skinny girl but they do not want a big heavy unattractive woman either well I would not so I guess you can answer that yourself .
Ask him ! Bring it up and see his response …maby he thinks ur uncomfortable?
When men get with women, they hope they will never change.
When women get with men, they are planning ways to change them.
U take ur swimsuit and go anyhow !!!
Maybe he thinks YOU wouldn’t be comfortable with doing it, so doesn’t want to put you in a position where you will feel body conscious.
This sounds like a you issue. I’d talk to him about it just to express how you’re feeling. He may think you just don’t want to.
Sounds like he might have an issue with you and his parents. Have you met his parents?
He may just be trying to protect your feelings or think you might be uncomfortable. I would just ask him
Have a conversation with him 
OK this is me trying to be nice just ask him that’s the only way you’re going to find out and maybe you do need to lose some weight for your own health
Being your height and weight is what it is. I have battled my weight all my life but try to stay as healthy as possible. You do you and if you need to change do it for yourself. Your boyfriend may not realize what he’s doing. He can’t read your mind. When no one is around, ask him if you two can talk about something that is on your mind. Show him the pictures he posted, and discuss it as calmly as possible. Good luck!
Yes it could be.
If you do decide to ask, be prepared to listen and possibly have your feelings hurt.
Don’t attack him if he does express himself, you have to remember that you are asking. He’s not telling you just to hurt you.
I would confront him, if he is ashamed than BUH bye! My husband loved me when I was heavier and he loves me even when I lost weight that’s because I’m a recovering alcoholic and lost the weight but any man should love you because of YOU! And not be ashamed of what you look like in a bathing suit!!! Stick up for yourself, self love is most important!
If you say he’s been nothing but sweet to you, your first thought should be he’s thinking OF you not doing it to hurt you. He may not think you’d want to go swimming if you personally have been there and never brought it up or taken initiative to bring your swimsuit (if he sees your not packing one, chances are he won’t either) he is also still a man and human and can’t read your mind. Communicate
You could tell him how you feel, and then maybe start working out to make YOU feel better about yourself.
You could ask him. It’s very than having random people tell you how they think he feels. I’m sure he would tell you.
Have you asked him? If not then stop assuming… and also seems like you don’t like your own body so if you feel like he’s ashamed of it and he says he isn’t then it’s you that’s ashamed of your body and only you can change that unless there’s a medical reason why you can’t. Just embrace your body and love it I know that’s hard to do if you have low self esteem.
Tell him this time you want to go swimming and would like to take your bathing suit. See what he says. There’s a chance his family could be the problem VS how he feels and he may be trying to protect your feelings but also if they are the problem he can kindly correct that. It really depends. Kindly bring it up just make sure not to put it in a way that sounds like an argument. Express how you’re feeling if he ends up making a big deal about the bathing suit. See why he feels that way and go from there.
Stop comparing yourself with his ex’s. He’s with YOU for a reason and not them anymore. Own your beautiful body and if you’re insecure about it then it’s in YOUR hands to make the changes. And GIRLLLLL take your bikini next family gathering and get in the pool with or without him. 
Enjoy life while you can 
It could or not be… Have a talk with him…
His problem not yours. Enjoy YOUR life.
Ask him
Same as you are asking us
Tell him it doesn’t add up and you’re reasoning
You don’t have to mention any insecurities about comparing yourself to his exes. Just explain that you feel that he’s ashamed and you’re not sure why based on the reasoning that you said to us. Listen with all your heart to his answer and if you don’t trust his answer than maybe it’s time to have counseling because that’s a very sad feeling for you to have and I’m so sorry you feel this way
When in doubt, play this song lol you are beautiful!
And honestly with that hat, your weight shouldn’t look all that bad. Not say, if you were like me at 5’1 and that weight =)
https://youtu.be/yDSK91mUNLU
Ask him. Have a honest conversation with him and tell what youve just posted. Tell how you feel about the situation and what youre inferring from it. Ask him if thats the case or if there is another reason
Our timeline in a few pictures. As you can see I’ve gone up and down, he’s practically stayed the same. He surprised me with a vow renewal and anniversary party over the summer for our 10th wedding anniversary and he’s been behind me 1000% in my weight loss journey. Have an open honest talk about how you’re feeling. Trust, communication and honesty will go very far in any relationship. That last pic was in March this year.
Have you shown hesitance or discomfort in the past in those situations? If so, maybe he picked up on it and doesn’t want to push you?
Either way, ask him.
Damn I’m 5’0 and almost 200 and still wear a bathing suit. Ditch him and go swimming
Talk to him. I’m the opposite, I’m short and skinny. All the women my ex has been with since we split are much bigger than me. He might not see you as a bigger woman at all. Next time just bring your suit and jump in the pool. His family could be the problem and he is worried they might say something. You are perfect just the way you are 
Maybe , however I felt this way and it is really because my husband’s family is absolutely crazy.
He may just he protecting you from them. How’s his relationship with them?
If your weight is bothering you go on a diet and exercise plan … I don’t think it’s bothering him though as he takes you out in public …
He may be worried for you. He may think that you are embarrassed.
The question is are you unsatisfied with your weight? If so then work on that and not assume the worst. He wouldn’t be with you if he cared about your weight that’s my take on it.
Wear that swim suit and tell him lighten up
Ask him why? Or wear your swimsuit. Why shouldn’t you enjoy a good swim?
Curves are beautiful, find a swim suite that compliments your body and you feel sexy in. Don’t worrie about how he sees you, you see yourself. If your feeling like you want to loose weight and that may help well then do so. Were you skinny when you met him?
Go to a shop that specializes in your clothing size, have them help you find a bathing suit thar flatters your size (yes it can be done) nothing in large print , a soft color that compliments your figure. Then next time you go for that outing bring along your new suit as well as one for him. When the swimming begins scange into your suit and jump in. I bet once you have done this you will both relax and have some fun.
My exes dad use to joke about my weight all the time. My ex protected me at all cost. I’m still referee as the “fat girl”. Your bf could be protecting you
Honestly 5’8 220 pounds is really not that big to be honest it seems like you have a problem with your weight and not him and if you’re worried about it then do something to change it it sounds like he has no problem

You should talk with him… tell him to be honest and at the same time don’t let it hurt your feelings but at least y’all can share and it will make it better in the long run.
If you can handle the truth just ask him.
Oh FFS just ask him! 
you don’t need us to tell you what to do.
Stop comparing your body to another woman’s. Every woman is beautiful. Period. Go get a sexy bathing suit (or modest whatever you feel good in) and invite him swimming. Wear that confidence.
makes you want to say hhhhmmmm
Life is to short girl…wear u a thing and have fun!!! To hell with wat they think
Get pass this…grow up.
To be honest I do not think so , maybe his family are the ones who make comments comparing you with his ex , maybe he just wants to protect you
People need to stop making this girl feel bad for putting this out there in a group she feels comfortable in.
Listen his exs would have had some insecurities about their bodies most women do forget how they looked and have a conversation
Rock that body and be happy. If he says u don’t need a bathing suit then def do the bathing suit.
There are way too many responses here telling OP to “find a suit that flatters” her figure or, “if you want to lose weight then do it.” She didn’t say anything about wanting advice on either of those fronts. My thoughts are that being honest with him (if you’re able to), might be the best way to go. If he thinks he’s trying to “protect you”, he needs to know that in reality, the whole situation is just making you feel uncomfortable. And if he thinks that not allowing his girlfriend to feel good about herself and enjoy a swim because of his parents potential opinions, he needs to confront them instead of continuing to exclude you.
When me and my husband got together I was small a size 6 7 and then I Bagan gaining weight got up to a 14 to a 16 in jeans and I would often say this exact 
thing to my so and I would bring up this girl that girl and they were all very thin girls and I would ask him why me why because I’m not the type he has always been with he said baby thise were little girls you are a woman and that means that you are my woman and I love you for you and for the way you love my kids it was me being ensecure about myself well its been 20 years now and now that I have been sick and I’m down to a size 0 to a 2 he tells me I’m still beautiful but I need to put on some weight because I do look very sickly iam s7nken in every bone sticks out and it hurts to sit because I literally have no cushion left after thyroid cancer and graves disease and now Addison I have list 130 pounds in 8 months and can’t gain anything at all but fluid so sweetie I think it’s his way of protecting you as he probably sees your ensecure about it and let me tell you I would give anything to be a good healthy weight again at 220 I still didn’t look that big because iam tall at 5 10 so it was evenly proportioned out but now I look like a gliw in dark walking twig that can snap any minute embrace yourself doll live yourselve and he will l9ve you in return head up talk to him ask him tell him how you feel and communicate with him an open line of communication is a must he isn’t a mind reader h7nny sit him down and have an honest conversation about how you feel and where he is coming from on his end
Talk to him. If he’s ashamed of you, pick up your big girl body and leave!
Maybe talk to him about this. Open line of communication. After 3 years you should be able to talk to him about it.
Sit down and have a heart to heart about it. Get it out in the open now before the relationship gets even more complicated or emotional. God bless.
Ask him. If you cannot, you need to move on because there’s no future in a relationship without honest, open communication.
Maybe he just doesn’t want someone else to see how good you look in a bathing suit 
… but if I were you I’d just sit down and talk to him about it and voice your concerns. Only way to really put your mind at ease right? Talk to thr source 
Do you have low self esteem or are you self conscious about your weight? If so, then maybe that’s why he does these things. 
If you’re proud of your fluffyness then take your bathing suit with you to the beach house and enjoy yourself honey. 
Ask him.
He may not want you to be made to feel bad if someone says something. It may not even be he’s embarrassed. He may be trying to protect your feelings.
Maybe he’s trying to be considerate of you and not make you feel bad incase he thinks you would have insecurities. He might just be avoiding letting you feel insecure and not feel bad if you might decline going. I’m sorry I hope I’m making sense.