12 year old daughter started her first menstrual period at school this morning but Dad told her I could not come pick her up from school until after he get off work because it is “his parenting time until tomorrow.” What are your thoughts?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Daughter started her period, and her dad won't let me come get her
This is a special circumstance soooo he should let u. That can be scary ur first time.
Ummm. You’re also her parent. There is nothing saying you can’t pick her up and then drop her back off later.
I would go get her anyway.
Dad needs to be capable of figuring it out and helping her too- especially if it’s during his parenting time.
If it is his time with his daughter, then he has a right to help her himself, but if you get her tomorrow you will still be able to have a conversation with and be there for her on your time.
Very insensitive of him.
I would go get her. This is the time she needs her mom, dad won’t want to see her through that.
does he not know how women’s bodies work? Is he not capable of taking care of her right now? Is he not also her parent? Is he incapable of getting on Google and finding out how to help her?
he’s her parent, too. I understand wanting to be with your daughter during this time. It is a significant time. But that’s what happens when you have a child with someone else. They get to parent, too.
the only difference would be if your daughter was actively begging him to let you come get her and he’s ignoring what she’s asking.
it sucks. I get it. I missed out on milestones with my daughter. But that’s what happens when you have a child with somebody that you don’t live with. Sometimes, we miss out on stuff. It sucks. It really does.
but he gets to be a parent, too.
you would be absolutely livid if he tried to infringe on your parenting time because of something he wanted. he gets the same rights you do. Or at least, whatever legal rights he was afforded.
but he gets to utilize the entirety of his legal rights. Just as you do.
Why can’t he handle it? I think that’s bs sorry but it is just bc you’re mom doesn’t mean he can’t parent too. What happens when she gets her second period you going to get her too. Mom’s have to figure it out just like dad’s.
Well if he’s comfortable taking with her about it
then he’s in the right. But the question is she comfortable talking to him about.
Most girls at that age isn’t comfortable talking to dad’s about her period.
He should take care of it just like you would have because that’s his daughter too. If she needs advice from you or needs to talk yall have a phone.
What an asshole! A girl needs her mom to help her figure these things out in the beginning.
Um she’s ok. Let him handle it
If that’s your agreement he is right.
If it’s his parenting time, it’s his parenting time.
What does she want? Some kids are ok with dads dealing with this stuff too
Your daughter’s dad is a douche. This isn’t about him, it’s about your daughter and what she’s currently going through. I’m sure she’s not comfortable talking to her dad about what’s going on and needs you right now. My ex did the exact same thing to my oldest daughter. It was traumatizing for her.
Nope I would just go get her then he can collect her from you when he finishes work. I know my daughters who are 13 & 17 wouldn’t and don’t speak to their dad about things like this they both come to me. They aren’t comfortable talking about it to their dad. It all depends on how comfortable and open about periods your daughter is.
So he’s putting his feelings above his own child’s needs? Nah f that. I’d be reporting it to lawyer or whoever needs to know and picking up my child. Tf is wrong with people?
So so sad. Your daughter will forever remember this day. She will never forget what he is doing and how he treated her. This has absolutely nothing to do with who’s time it is. This is 100% about a girl needing her momma!! So so sorry this happening.
What does she want should be the bigger question
Should be her decision
Sounds like My Ex, She was scared to go to his house fear of messing the sheets, so he didn’t care and sent her to his Mothers house instead, I had No idea this happened till later
That’s fucked up an not right I understand it’s “his time” but it’s also your daughter if she’s asking for you then thats that
Id go get her. Deal with whatever comes with it later.
I guess he should leave work early, pick her up ftom school and take her home to take care of her until you are allowed to get her. Seems like he should either be much more focused on your child’s needs or be more understanding and compassionate in order to compensate
If there is an active mother in the picture, like yourself, you should absolutely be there for her for her first period. That’s something a girl turns to her mom for. Dad can be empathetic and amazing support as well, but will never match mom just because mom truly understands. I would go get her anyway. The first period is a big deal, and no matter how much talking and preparation has been done, can still be scary.
You should be able to pick her up and be with her until he gets off work why not compromise at such a time
Pick her up, help her out, and then drop her off at his house. Record the incident and save all messages in case you need to revisit the court about parenting rights.
I’m assuming she asked you to get her or to have him have you get her so…Fuck that. Pick her up. She’s 12 and can decide she wants her mom because her period started for the VERY first time. Not only is that scary (even if you’ve had the talk about it it’s scary) it’s highly uncomfortable. I was in sooooo much pain my first period my mom literally had me take the week off and relax as much as possible. I couldn’t walk more then the distance from the couch to the bathroom the first 3 days my cramps were so bad.
Did she specifically ask you to pick her up or are you just wanting to?
Sounds like he’s not caring about her if she asked you to, maybe she needs to call him and tell him she needs you. he’s being selfish and maybe you need to go back to court if he isn’t going to care about her needs. If he’s comfortable taking care of her during her first period then great, but make sure he understands what all comes with that and teaching her to use feminine products. It’s not right to make her feel unsupported at this time. Also this happened today? They have school on saturdays?
If your daughter wants to be with you during this first event, he’s a real azz#()!&!
Then ‘daddy’ needs to step up and parent!
If it’s his parenting time with her then he has every right to say he doesn’t want you picking her up.
my daughter was 10 and started at school. it was his visitation day so she went home to him. i called her on phone and talked to her after school. and talked more when she came home.
If it’s his day with her, then that’s up to him. Offer to help if needed. No reason to make her leave school. Hopefully she’s already well informed and can handle things herself at this age.
He better be prepared to get her and help her then
He’s an insensitive asshole. That’s my thoughts.
Go to the school with a change of clothes and supplies have a talk with her and go home.
When I had my first my mom was in the hospital having surgery and my daddy was at home with me and believe it or not he was awesome with the situation, he even went out and got me what he called a happy box that consisted of bubble baths, chocolates, ice cream,my favorite book, and a diary to keep everything I wanted to talk to my mom about when she got home. But I realize times and all dads are different because that was 20 years ago.
If she is asking for you I would just go for her, he needs to stop acting like her dad. It’s her first period and I’m sure she will be more comfortable with her mam
Go buy her some pass and drop them off.
He should have one when he was 12 and then make a judgement call as to whether he would want his father or not .
I don’t think it should matter who’s day it is when a child wants a specific parent, the other parent shouldn’t step in the way of that.
I have mixed feelings. This is a rough situation
I would get her. What an asshole. A girl needs her mama. Doesn’t matter if it’s his parenting time
I think if she wants to come home because she feels you’d understand better and she would feel more comfortable speaking about tins with mum then he should be allowing you to go get her if it’s just your pride like I want to be the one supporting her through this suck it up
F that and F him! Go get her!
If she feels more comfortable with you he needs to think about her need and not “his time” offer to switch days around or just go get her from school. I would get her if thats what she wanted.
Tell him why. Do it anyways. A girl needs her mother in that 1st.
I would ask her what she wants!!
Go get her, she can go to his house when he gets done work
Buy her a new pack of underwear a bunch of pads, a heating pad and a box of ice cream and take his house for her.
Visitation is not taking place if she’s at school!! Go get her!!! She needs her Mom right now!!!
She will be fine. Not a big deal.
I’d go get my child regardless of what her dad says !
I think it’s petty. She should be able to come to you if she wants to for this. He should understand that. Not saying he is not capable of handling it but if she feels more comfortable and mom is available then why not. Shouldn’t matter who’s “parenting time” it is if the child needs the other parent.
I mean I told my dad first!!
But if my daughter really wanted to come home to me I would probably just stop at the school to talk to him and her together!
It may been his day or whatever but maybe it could be a makeup day another time because at 12 and just starting her period she should be with her mom. The dad is being an asshole and should be more understand that the girl would most likely want to be with mom at this time
Go get her
He will get over it!
But she will always remember this moment.
At 12, in some states, the child has a say. If she wants you to get her, get her. If she doesn’t then let him handle it.
Sounds like he cares more about controlling the mother of his child than his child’s welfare and what is best for her during this time. And a first period is always scary for a child when they see all the blood for the first time.
I would never imagine a judge holding it against you that when you’re called BY your daughter for help because she started her period, you did what was in her best interest and picked her up to help her. He needs to put his daughter first, not just what he wants.
He needs to learn to deal with that too… and if it’s time it’s his time…
Selfish and controlling. Sad for the kiddo.
That her dad is a dick and you two need to learn how to co parent…
Omg he’s being so selfish who cares of it’s his time. It’s about ur daughter and not him! Dad get over!
First and foremost what is the daughters take on this? Is she happy for dad to handle things or does she specifically request mum?
Go imagine why he is divorced
So. Take her a fresh pair of clothes, femenine stuff and your daughter is freshly clean and dad has his way too. He didn’t say you couldn’t talk to her that day. Just couldn’t pick her up.
Screw that you go get her and say f you to him!!!
So he’s saying you can get her just not till he’s home… its not like he’s saying you can’t get her at all just wait till he gets home. Dad’s are capable as well. Take her a change of clothes and period supplies tell her here is this for now and I will see you when dad gets home.
Go get your daughter . He can have her after you help her through this first time
Maybe ask him how he plans on helping her? Does he have pads, new undies, is he ready to deal with it? Kill him with questions , most men will cave🤷🏻♀️
Cool. Go to his house. With a buttload of tampons and pads. Granny panties. Ask him do you want to explain how to use all this? Oh and the tampon especially?
I would of went anyways and got her.
She’s 12 and should be able to say, especially in this situation, whether she’d like to handle This with mom or dad. Jeez!
It’s his time and that is contempt of court. You are in the wrong a judged would laugh at you. If you wanted that kind of relationship with your ex you should have kept parenting out of court.
Is the child asking you to come get her or are you just wanting to come get her? Is dad doing this to be controlling or because he understands he has a daughter and has prepared for this moment already?
Having split parenting time you have to know sometimes you can’t be there for their first even if you want to be there.
Bull sh t. I’d go get her she is probably scared and needs to change clothes. Court would understand.
I’d show up to the school with pads and a change of clothes. Can’t tell me I ain’t gonna help my kid.
Did she ask you to come help? Is he already helping? More info is needed here. Dad’s are more than capable of handling these situations also. Maybe he already has it handled.
Uh If he’s at work what does it matter? That is literally time that he doesn’t have her and can’t because she’s in school and he’s at work. She needs her mom to help her through her first time not her dad that just wants to control the situation and probabaly doesn’t have a plan as to how to help her🙄
It’s his parenting time. If she needs something at school drop it off. She doesn’t need you to get her. It’s his decision when it’s his time.
Let dad have his time with his daughter. Let him parent.
Tell him to fuck off. She doesn’t want her dad at this time in her life, she needs her mum.
I re-read the post. The daughter WANTED her mom to pick her up…and he said no. Total insensitive jerk!!
My daughter had an accident at school and her dad wouldn’t let me go pick her up…I’m sure she was embarrassed enough…having to change clothes…So I understand. If I could of; I would of gotten her out of school that day…but as always her dad is controlling.
My daughter got hers on vacation with her dad. She was fine. So was he. When she got home, we went over everything and celebrated. I couldn’t be there for her for her very first moment but I had prepared her enough leading up to it that she was fine. She called me and told me all about it and that was it. I’m sure your daughter is fine. If she NEEDS to be picked up, that’s a different story. Otherwise, it’s very likely one of her friends, or the schools office, has pads she can use.
Fuck that. Go get her. He will never be able to understand what shes going through.
I’d go get her from school, take her to get everything necessary then drop her off to him when he is off work. Highly doubt a judge would think that’s being in contempt.
I mean… if it’s his time it’s his time… if there is a court order there’s not much you can do about it. Can you call her and chat with her? I assume dad is going to go buy the things she needs before coming home from work?
I was with my dad when I got my first period and wished I had my mom to at least help me pick out pads. No matter who’s time it’s supposed to be, it should be what the daughter needs and parents can work the rest out later.
I would be picking my daughter up. That’s not fair to her… most girls want their mom when it comes to getting their period. Poor girl
What so because he is a dad he can’t handle it ?or are you just jealous of a moment you are not apart of ?
Drop pads/clothes off at school for her with a hand written note of encouragement and guidance and let her know to call you as she needs…
These are the future moments you need to think about when you are coparenting. I would start focusing on bettering the coparent relationship as well so that things like this don’t become a battle. It’s about her, not who’s time it is. But if it’s a court order it’s a court order. If y’all had a better coparenting relationship it probably wouldn’t be this way. He may be difficult but do what you can to let the relationship evolve to a healthier place.
This is a mom thing!