Did You Regret Only Having One Child? I Think I Only Want One: Advice?

Motherhood
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QUESTION:

"Anyone have only one child and not regret it?

My hubby wants to try for a second one, but our girl is 16 months, and although I like the idea in theory, the more I think about it in reality, the less I want a second child."

RELATED QUESTION: Trying to decide if I should have another child: Thoughts?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

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“I don’t know anybody who has ever regretted having a second child.”

“I was an only child and always said I wanted at least 2. My son is 10 and I’m just pregnant with my 2nd now because I didn’t think I wanted another one after my son was born. We are human. We change our minds and some things just happen when we least expect them.”

“I’m an only child and only grandchild. I love it. You learn independence early on and you pick friends that become like siblings. I also find comfort in knowing that once my parents get older I don’t have to debate with anyone else about what to do. My son is currently an only child, only grandchild, only great-grandchild and there’s a chance it’ll stay that way. We’ll see how he feels about siblings once he’s a bit older but I’m happy having just him.”

“I think choosing to have only one is incredibly selfish. No sibling to learn/ love/ fight with. My siblings are my safe place now that my parents are both gone. I can’t even imagine where I would be today without them. The death of my mother when I was a teen probably would have destroyed me if I had to face it alone. When you are older and in need of help/ care, it will fall to that only child to do everything. I depended heavily on my sister when my dad was ailing, I would have gone crazy having to do everything alone. Not just the physical stuff, but the mental/ emotional stuff as well. Decision making in those final days. And then your grandchildren will have no cousins to play with, no Aunts and Uncles to spoil them or to confide in. If your only child hasn’t yet found their partner in this world when you die, they will be so alone. I get that some people have no choice, and are blessed to have just one. This isn’t aimed at them, but rather the parents who chose this for their child.”

“When I had my first, I thought he would be my only. I felt bad cause after I pass he would have to do it on his own and have no siblings, I watched friends go through this hand has no sibling support when parents passed on. when he was 6, I found love and I remarried and got a bonus daughter who is 1 1/2 years older than him and they are great siblings and had 2 more children. I couldn’t be happier with 4 and I know when their parents and I are gone they will have each other for support.”

“It’s okay to have only one child. It can get stressful with more than one. It really depends on you and your mental health.”

“I only have one; my husband wants another but I’ve told him if he wants more he can find someone else to go through pregnancy cause I’m not doing that again.”

“I have one child, he’s 13 now, and I don’t regret it at all. He’s fabulous. He’s smart, social, busy all the time, and we have an awesome time as a family of three. With his cousins in the area, and all his friends and activities, he’s never felt like he’s missed out either.”

“I had four. Now I have one (stepmother) one is harder to keep entertained but the four were always pulling me everywhere. Surprisingly, one is more expensive for me…but we also have more disposable income than the four. Pros and cons to both.”

“I only have one child, he’s 10 yrs old. I always wanted a 2nd child but due to complications at birth & some other health issues, I’m unable to have another. Anyway, I’m 41 now so definitely don’t have the energy to do it all over again. I don’t regret it though, I’m blessed to have my son & he’s happy being an only child.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

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2

I am 1 and done with no regrets

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3

I have one child, he’s 13 now, and I don’t regret it at all. He’s fabulous. He’s smart, social, busy all the time, and we have an awesome time as a family of three. With his cousins in the area, and all his friends and activities, he’s never felt like he’s missed out either.

1 Like
4

Maybe wait till she’s a little older and enjoy her more before having another one? Or talking about having another one.

3 Likes
5

I am 1 and done. And absolutely no regrets.

6

I did. I had my 2nd baby 6 years after my first. Now I can say I am done.

7

My brother waited for awhile until his son was older and that was 5yrs ago and his son is 16 now

8

I’m one and done and I have no regrets. We are very happy with our only child.

9

I don’t know anybody who has ever regretted having a second child.

9 Likes
10

I wanted only 1 then met my husband and we had 3 more. I do not regret any of them at all but life is definitely easier with 1. Our kids are best friends though and I love it <3 I can say my heart is full

11

i have a 2yr old. and have no desire for me. Ive always wanted to focus on just 1 child and give her the best i could…
i was a only child and loved it

12

Id give anything to be able to have another. :pensive:

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13

I don’t have just one but I can say that I feel thankful that I had a brother and two sisters to play with growing up. My cousin was an only child and hated it. I’m sure though that there are plenty of people that were happy being an only child.

14

I had twins. I’m done.

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15

I have one daughter …she is now 14 …I never wanted more and don’t regret it , she has always had me around and although was quite clingy is now becoming independent and growing into a fantastic young lady X

16

I had one and never regretted it. He’s 27 now. When he was 14, we “adopted” a 17 yr old so I’m technically a multi kid parent. However, I have never ever regretted not birthing another

17

I only wanted one… first is 10… ended up with two shes now 1 and I am so glad I had my second :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

18

I was an only child and always said I wanted atleast 2. My son is 10 and I’m just pregnant with my 2nd now because I didn’t think I wanted another one after my son was born.
We are human. We change our minds and some things just happen when we least except them.

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19

I only have one child, he’s 7 and I don’t regret it.

20

My oldest is 7yrs old, I never wanted another one…until I started dating my SO I’m with now. I’m now 17wks along with my second daughter and couldn’t be more excited. Give it time and ask him for patience, maybe one day you will want another one!

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21

I had four. Now I have one (stepmother) one is harder to keep entertained but the four were always pulling me everywhere. Surprisingly, one is more expensive for me…but we also have more disposable income than the four. Pros and cons to both :blush:

22

I tried 1 and done, but got 2 in 1 try(twin girls), then another daughter(miscarried her twin) and now I have my son. No regrets here. Try enjoying your daughter for abit longer and maybe you’ll change your mind, or maybe u won’t and that’s ok

23

I only have one my husband wants another but I’ve told him if he wants more he can find someone else to go thorough pregnancy cause I’m not doing that again.

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24

I swore I was only going to have one child. I got pregnant when my son was 4 1/2, totally unplanned. It was actually the best thing ever. My daughter is the sweetest happiest kid. I would wait a few years.

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25

I didn’t want one after a miscarriage then my daughter then another miscarriage. But then I had my son and I didn’t want another one. He’s going to be 4 now and one another. So you may or may not change your mind

26

I have two my husband has 2 and we are adding our last this year. So 5 under the age of 7 it is

27

My daughter is almost 7, still 100% sure of the fact I only want her.

28

Plus she’s expensive.

29

I have 2 about to have my 3rd and I absolutely love having multiple children even though they make me want to rip my hair out most days. Haha but that being said don’t let yourself be pressured into having a 2nd if you don’t want one or don’t think you are ready. Shes still pretty young so maybe sit your husband down and tell him you might need some more time before you would want to have another. After all you are the one that has to become pregnant to have that child

30

I look at it when im gone they will always have each other i never wanted any raising my siblings but fell in love and we now have seven and i wouldnt have it any other way

31

I have 3 and I always pray that they will grow up to be close to each other. I grew up as an only child and honestly it kinda sucks sometimes.

32

My son is 8 and im pregnant with my 2nd, never wanted more. I wanted a boy and got him, now I’ll have 2 :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

33

Your daughter is just a baby still… give yourself some time and you may feel differently. Sometimes an age gap is lovely.
I wanted my first our of nappies when I tried for my second, but unfortunately it took a lot.longer than that and I have an almost 5 year gap… but it is lovely now.
You might feel differently if you wait a little. But then it is ok to not as well it is your choice. Xx

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34

I swore I’d never have another and when my daughter was 6 we welcomed a new baby, and she is the perfect completion to our family. No more though :rofl:

35

I wanted a second child! And starting trying when my son was 3 and gave birth to my second son like 6 months later. He came out screaming and literally hasn’t stopped since. He has what they call second child syndrome which means bc my first child was sooo good and well behaved this child is NOT.! He is 3x as bad as my first was as far as not listening, getting into everything, he screams all day long he hates being in the car and is just difficult in literally every situation and hes only 15 months old! Long story short, I regret having a second child.

36

We have one and don’t have regrets :slight_smile:

37

I only had the one daughter for 14 years, then my son came along and is 5 years old in 5 weeks… :heart::blue_heart:

1 Like
38

I only have one of my own and i do regret not having another. She always tells my how lonely she is and wishes she had a sibling close in age. She has an older sister that isn’t mine but is her dads so luckily even thou shes my only child she will have a sibling to lean on when needed when shes older. I always only wanted one child because i wanted to be able to give my child everything i never had including vacations every year and the option to do sports (she has done all star cheer since age 3 which is very pricy). I think if i had another child closer in age with my daughter she wouldn’t have been so lonley in those younger years. It’s to late now since shes 12 but just my thoughts. Good luck on your decision!

39

My daughter is 19 months and I do NOT want anymore. I love her so much but I don’t think I could handle another.

40

Maybe you will feel differently in a year or so…When your child is bit older

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41

I had only one and that’s the best thing I did

42

My daughter is 13 and I really want another child. I wish I did this sooner

43

I have never regretted have my daughter 8 years after my son

44

I had ond 7 years later do not regret. But I will say that I got my tubes removed.

45

I have only one he’s 5 and I don’t regret only having him

46

When I had my first, I thought he would be my only. I felt bad cause after I pass he would have to do it on his own and have no siblings, I watched friends go threw this hand have no sibling support when parents passed on. when he was 6 , I found love and I remarried and got a bonus daughter which is 1 1/2 older then him and they are great siblings and had 2 more children. I couldn’t be happier with 4 and I know when there parents and I are gone they will have each other for support.

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47

I got told by multiple people that I’d regret it because they did

48

I had my second child 6 yrs after my first and my daughter has a great bond with him and he loves her

49

Ill give my opinion, i have 2 girls about 2 years apart. Its definitely alot harder and stressful than just one baby but seeing them grow together is amazing! Especially when the get older they will always have eachother in life. I dont think anyone really regrets having a baby, maybe you will find yourself asking why u did it in times of frustration, which i think is normal.

50

I have a only child who is 8 next week and I love it!

51

Just my opinion from having close friends whom are only children and everytime somebody asks “do you like being the only child?” 9x out 10 my friends will respond with “I wish I had another sibling, what happens when my parents die and its just me, I don’t want to be left alone.”

But then there’s that one friend who loves being an only child :rofl:

52

Had one and really didn’t plan on another but as she got older I knew I didn’t want to leave her alone in this world without a sibling

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53

Personally, I do not want another child whatsoever. I hated being pregnant and being a mother is extremely hard, harder than what I ever expected it to be. This may sound stupid, but when my daughter gets older, and if she really REALLY wants a sibling I will reconsider. She may not even want a brother or sister. I feel guilty not giving her a choice though, I don’t want her to be alone after her father and I are gone. The thought of that breaks my heart.

54

My first 2 were 15mnths apart. They were both girls and are best friends now at 8 and 9. I feel like if I didn’t have the second my first would have been super spoiled. I have 4 all together and it is hard af, just watching them grow together is priceless :heart:

55

I think choosing to have only one is incredibly selfish. No sibling to learn/ love/ fight with. My siblings are my safe place now that my parents are both gone. I can’t even imagine where I would be today without them. The death of my mother when I was a teen probably would have destroyed me if i had to face it alone. When you are older and in need of help/ care, it will fall to that only child to do everything. I depended heavily on my sister when my dad was ailing, I would have gone crazy having to do everything alone. Not just the physical stuff, but the mental/ emotional stuff as well. Decision making in those final days. And then your grandchildren will have no cousins to play with, no Aunts and Uncles to spoil them or to confide in. If your only child hasn’t yet found their partner in this world when you die, they will be so alone.

I get that some people have no choice, and are blessed to have just one. This isn’t aimed at them, but rather the parents who chose this for their child.

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56

I have 4. My first were twins so I guess it’s different anyways… But I love that they all live each other. I have, 18, 18, 12 and 5. They fight, but they play so well… The twins still play with their siblings between work and friends. 4 was the perfect amount for me. If you don’t want another one yet, then just wait. Maybe you’ll change your mind, but maybe you won’t. :heart:

57

One and DONE here :heavy_check_mark: lol

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58

14months apart my 2 every one said how hard it would but it was actually easier they do everything together a already had lots of the stuff needed eg cots brilliant for nursery runs and school runs they have a amazing bond and its easier to find age appropriate things because there so close toys films activities hardest part was breastfeeding but once the where both on solid food routine just fell into place bed time bath time so easy they go to bed at 7 and a have the night to my self not for long tho because my 3rd is due in 10 days between me and my partner we have 5 my step children are 7 and 8 years older then the toddler activities where the older children and youngsters are entertained can be challenging my step children moved in with us a few months back and I could not be happier with our large family we all have night and days where our heads done in good and hard times milestones challenges but that just being a parent that doesn’t matter if u have 1 kid or 10 xx

59

I only have one child, he’s 10 yrs old. I always wanted a 2nd child but due to complications at birth & some other health issues, I’m unable to have another. Anyway I’m 41 now so definitely don’t have the energy to do it all over again. I don’t regret it though, I’m blessed to have my son & he’s happy being an only child…

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60

I didn’t want another until my son was around 5-6, he is now 7 and we have a 4 month old. There is the downfall of them not being close enough to play with each other but besides that there are so many pros for such a big age gap. I wouldn’t change it for anything. I loved having the one on one time with my son for so long❤️

61

I’m an only child and only grandchild. I love it. You learn independence early on and you pick friends that become like siblings. I also find comfort in knowing that once my parents get older I don’t have to debate with anyone else about what to do. My son is currently an only child, only grandchild, only great grandchild and there’s a chance it’ll stay that way. We’ll see how he feels about siblings once he’s a bit older but I’m happy having just him.

62

I thought like this, but once I got pregnant again (was not trying to conceive and was on birth control) I just grew to love my babies because I don’t have much family and support so I know they are gonna have each other. Im definitely not planning on having more any more children other than my 2 I got now though lol

63

My only child (daughter) is 23. I wish I could have had more children.

64

I’ve basically raised an only child (he’s almost 12 years older than my next child) then had 2 a year apart. 1 child is so much easier! Since you’re already apprehensive about it I’d say you’re best off staying to 1.

65

Definitely give it some time between them, at least until your first is out of diapers, that’s my opinion.

66

I have 1 child and I don’t plan on having anymore . My heart is set on it lol

67

I hated being an only child but I got more attention from my parents than I can give my 2 my daughter loves playing with her brother but also wishes she had more of our attention so there’s good and bad with both ours are spaced out 4 years so yay no double diapers and one slept through night night in the newborn stage

68

I have a 15 month old and a 12 year old stepson.

There is definitely no more children in the future for me and that is how both me and my partner want it to be x

69

I am an only child and LOVE LOVE LOVE it…at no time in my life did I ever want a sibling. I have handled my parents illness’s and deaths without an issue. At the same time I have a cousin with a sibling and they don’t get along at all - they were no support to each other when their parents passed.

21 Likes
70

It might just be a little too soon for you. Maybe don’t rule it out, wait a while and revisit when you feel ready. Quite a few of my friends and family members have their children around 3 years apart, they all say that’s an ideal age gap as they start getting a littlemore independent and less demanding. I bet your little one would love a sibling one day but only when you’re both ready :heart: personally I’m an only child and I would of loved a sibling myself back then but I have 1 child (5 years old) and I am and will always be more than happy with just him

7 Likes
71

I was the same way. I now have a 9 year old and a 16 month old. I honestly love them both but I feel I did much better mentally with just one. It’s hard especially with the age gap. Do not feel guilty for having just the one child.

12 Likes
72

I have one child, 9yrs old and always wanted another but never worked. With my son being older now, he is lonely. It’s different for him to play with me vs another child. I can tell. I try to have more play dates for him but so wish I would have went ahead and pushed for a second child while he was younger.

6 Likes
73

I’m an only child and all I wanted growing up was a sibling, when I had my 1st I was still in the delivery room and swore she wouldn’t be an only child, I went on to have 3 more, the 1st two are 3yrs apart, the 2nd and 3rd are 2yrs apart and the 3rd and 4th are 7yrs apart and I found the bigger age gap way harder than having them closer together.

3 Likes
74

I’m so torn
I have an amazing son who’s about to be 2 in February and I’m almost getting close to 40
And I can’t make up my mind
We had a rough two years of miscarriages before having our boy :boy: so I don’t know if we would decide to try again if we would have more losses or if it would work out for us
Not sure if I am ready to bite the bullet and try again yet or not , I just can’t decide

2 Likes
75

Give it time. I didn’t want another after my first & when my kid was 2.5 it started stinking in that we won’t have another little baby. So we are having another now, but it took a few years to get there.

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76

Definitely give it time and think on it. After our daughter was 3 we decided to have another one. She was fully potty trained and she helps so much with her sister. I love their age gap. It has helped my sanity.

6 Likes
77

Hubby and I were only children and disliked it. Holidays, winter breaks, adulthood all alone. We now have 2 beautiful ones. They currently adored each other​:heart_eyes::heart_eyes::heart:

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78

I thought I wanted another one and then my son was 8 and I just decided I really didnt want another one so I got my tubes tied. He has told me numerous times that he doesnt want siblings anyhow. He has two cousins that he is extremely close with anyhow.

3 Likes
79

I am an only child and so is my son, if that is your decision it is fine you don’t have to have more than one child its completely your choice

11 Likes
80

Absolutely not. I love having only one child. The fighting and stress over who gets what and doing more pictures with the other and where the pictures are hung and birthdays and Christmas and trying to be fair with your attention allll the time… No. I borrow children often to play (we borrowed one for our Halloween costume this year).
Enjoy your one child as much as possible and try not to feel pressure for your choice.

7 Likes
81

My boyfriend wants another baby. Our daughter is 2. I don’t particularly want another child and there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with that. If I change my mind, we will not have another until our daughter is 4.

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82

My husband hates that he’s an only child. He said he had no one to play with as a child and now our kids will have no cousins to grow up with on his side of the family.

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83

I do not know anyone that has regretted having more children. I do know people that regret having only one. I also know people that are only children and they wish they had siblings.

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84

Do not only have one child. Give your child a sibling if you can because that’s the only real family they will have once their parents are gone.

38 Likes
85

I have one. I never thought I’d ever be a mother. Didn’t think I could ever have one. Then I met his dad. I wanted more but I was 38 when he was born. I wasn’t gonna have 2 little kids when I turned 40. I had my tubes tied right after he was born. He wishes he had a sibling. He would have been a great big brother. When he’s a little older I’ll explain to him why he’s an only child. He’s 11 now so in another year or two I’ll explain it.

86

I’m an only child and I wouldn’t say it was awful, but I always wanted a sibling. I was very fortunate to have cousins living down the street and many children my age in the neighborhood. My one fear was that I would lose my parents together and I nearly did. As an adult I had both my parents in different hospitals, not knowing if they would survive. My mother didn’t, but my father did. The decision of one child or two is your choice. I wanted a dozen, but had 3.

87

My friends mom gave me a different kind of perspective. She is an only child, her parents are gone, her husband is gone, all of her family has passed. She said she doesn’t like being an only child for this reason. However, some people don’t mind I’m sure

88

I feel like in the times we are living in, having one is just better. :sob: but I agree, sometimes I wish I would’ve had another chance one right away. Only because of my daughter.

89

Im a mother of two, we purposely planned our kids one after the other. Our kids are spaced a year and nine months apart. Sometimes I wish i waited until my first turned 2 to decide if i wanted another one. I would have stopped there. BUT i am so thankful i had my second born. I 10000000% am all set with having any more and sometimes my house sounds like a zoo, but my second child completed our family and anytime weve gotten baby fever, we get a puppy and are reminded how difficult the baby stage is. We now have 2 dogs and were all set with any and all new additions to our household :crazy_face:

My advice, if you dont think you want a second child, dont have one…or wait until your first born hits those difficult milestones first, then decide if you want to do it again

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90

I’m am only child and it isn’t pleasant. When its raining or friend that lived close by were away. I had no one to play with and as much as my mum and dad tried they couldn’t keep me entertained all day as my dad worked and my mum did catalogues to earn money from home. Also now it would be great to have someone I grew up with.

91

I am 10 years younger than my closet sibling and I hated growing up that way. I lived in a small rural community so I really didn’t have anyone to play with. My kids are almost 3 years apart; one is almost 4 and the other just turned 1. It worked well for us. Our oldest is very independent and helpful, even though she is a handful. Our youngest is a very happy little girl. Don’t feel pressured though. You have to do what’s right for you and your family. My recommendation is not to wait too long though. I know siblings who are 10 plus years apart and don’t even know each other.

92

I just have one 12 year old son and never regretted it. I had an awful pregnancy, i nearly lost him a few times, he was premature and in the neo natal unit for a while. I personally decided I was very grateful and didn’t want to go through that again. Hes growing into a beautiful young man and I count my blessings every day :heart:

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93

I’m sorry but how I envy those who have a choice to have one child…let alone assume that they can have a second. Good luck in whatever decision you make. X

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94

Mine are 21 months apart and have the best relationship at the moment. They are 2 and 4. I like that they will grow up with each other and have someone to lean on during rough times, but it does get difficult sometimes to juggle both of their schedules. If you truly do not want a second child just be honest with your husband.

95

I’ve known quite a few only children throughout my lifetime and their childhood is not as good as it could be…very lonely not one of them liked it. Now as older adults its even worse everyone needs that one person you can always turn to no matter what and none are better than a sibling

96

Mine are 10 years apart. I loved having only 1 but as he got older and seen other kids with multiple siblings he began to feel alone. Than I met my husband and had my daughter.

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97

I have one he’ll be 6 on Monday, I wanted two growing up, but after I had my son, I realized I only wanted one, he’ll be 6 on Monday and I have never reg only having him. I’m one and done.

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98

Having a sibling is no guarantee that they will be lifelong friends etc. My husband was essentially an only child and did just fine. We have made the decision to be one and done for many reasons…our son gets our full attention and honestly we think he is better for it. His teachers have commented on how well spoken he is and even though he is an only he gets along great with the other kids. Just my 2 cents.

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99

Triangle family here! We love our only and while we do second guess ourselves sometimes it really is what we want for our family. There are good only child pages to follow too. I follow “one and done, on the fence” for those undecided and "one and done, parents of only children by choice (or( not by choice) depending on your circumstances) they’re great and have helped me work though the emotions of making that decision

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100

I don’t know what I’d do without my sister. When we were young, we hated each other. Fought like cats and dogs. Now that we’re older, I honestly don’t know what I’d do without her in my life, but more importantly, in my daughter’s life. She’s the best aunt in the world. That’s just how I look at it.

I used to think I only wanted one child. Now that she’s here, I don’t think I can let her be an only child. I want her to have someone like I do now. I want her kids to have an aunt [or uncle] like she does.

BUT there’s nothing wrong with having one child. If that’s what you want, thats what you should do.

If I end up not being able to have another or if my husband doesn’t come around to the idea of having another, that will be okay too. Life happens the way it wants to and there are plenty of very happy only children in this world.