Am I overreacting My son is 14 has a (quote girlfriend) it started as going to the mall, movies, arcade (chaperoned) my one rule was don’t ask me to go over her house and she cannot come over. However, one day she has a pool party kids are going over. I speak to the mom she told me they’d be out at the pool and there would be multiple adults there chaperoning. Fast forward, he asks another time to go over because the mom was making dinner I said no. The girls mother then calls me an asks if he can come over. I told her that I don’t like the idea of my 14 year old going over to a females house. Hanging out chaperoned I’m barley ok with that but that’s it for now. She told me that she would be there an her husband an that they wouldn’t be left alone. She said (WE DONT have a finished basement so they’d be on the couch where the tv is) so I asked my son when he came home how was it an what he did? He told me that him an the girl watched movies in the BASEMENT! I said what!!! He said the tv was brought down from her bedroom and the parents were watching tv upstairs on the couch!!! I’m livid because she flat out told me my son wouldn’t be unsupervised at anytime! I told her That I didn’t want my son left alone with her daughter or any girl at any time he’s too young yet. But they allowed it!!! I’m never letting him back over there but would you call her or wait an see if she calls an asks for him to come back over? I just can’t get past Leaving 2 14 year olds alone in a basement for multiple hours!It’s not that I don’t trust my kid however what if the girl now comes back an says he did something to her or touched her inappropriately it his word against hers I’m so mad
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Do I have a right to be mad at my sons girlfriends parents for lying to me?
You’re way overreacting. I’m sorry
Edited to add: invite her over to dinner and actually get to know her. Then you know who your kid is hanging around with.
Don’t blame ya for being mad I would be n I’d tell her just what you said your protecting your son plan n simple
I mean. I’m not sure what to say, hes going to find a way to be alone with her regardless. I use to sneak to my boyfriends at that age. All you can do is make sure he knows to take precautions and make smart decisions and hope for the best. I have allowed my 14yr old son to go to his girlfriends house while parents are there but I don’t hound them on what they can and can’t do in their own home. I just hope my son makes good decisions.
Personally I feel like you should be upfront with the other parents. You have rules that your child needs to follow and you voiced those, if they can’t be respectful of your wishes when your child is in their care, then he doesn’t need to be with them.
I completely understand where you are coming from. I would wait until she asks if he can come over again.
Your overreacting I’m pretty sure we did way worse then this so enough with being helicopter mom let him live a little or you will regret it in long run because he will start sneaking behind your back
My son is also 14 and he hangs out at his girlfriends house all the time. He knows what I’ve taught him and I’m confident in that. You are raising a son that’s going to hide stuff and be distant.
Your reaction is a little bit much. Do what you feel is right, but I wouldn’t confront her. It could escalate and you don’t want that.
Think there are bigger issues here if you are worried she would lie and say your son touched her. Who goes right to that?
I would be upset but he’s a teenager
He is going to have sec at some point. You can’t control everything. Breathe and talk with him and help him make correct decisions
At the age of 14 I met my husband, we did plenty of things we shouldnt have been doing at that age, I would say more than likely they have been experimenting, so I would definitely have the sex talk with him, and yes definitely do not leave unsupervised.
They’re 14 and can’t watch a movie together ??
Unfortunately strict parents create sneaky kids.
I’d be mad, she didn’t respect you at all. It’s your child you have the right to call the shots.
There 14. The daughter probably set all that up. You should be happy that your son is so open and honest with you. But if you continue to over react like that he was just sneak out and hide it from you.
That was the last visit.
I personally feel like your overreacting! I’m sure the parents didint just leave the kids unsupervised the whole entire time! I’m sure they checked on them to make sure they were okay and being kids. Being this overprotective of your child will cause your child to be very sneaky in the long run. Trust your child.
Why are you over reacting so badly and why on earth would you not want to welcome your sons friend into your home? And get to know her. You need to grow up a lot. I really feel for your son and your lack or trust in him!.
Its okay to be concerned, but you should learn how to trust your kid to make the right decisions… Teach him right from wrong. He should know about puberty/sex by now. You can’t control his every move because he will probably end up rebelling and sneaking around later on.
How about let her come to your house or not at all. Win win .
You need to relax, I think you may be over reacting
At the end of the day if he wants to get up to something his going to do it regardless. Maybe have a little trust in him. Goodluck
Wheeew weeeee. I bet he can’t wait to get the hell out of there
He’s far from too young.
- I would be upset about being lied to.
- Ease up.
You absolutely don’t trust your kid and from the sounds if it any kid. Girls mom shouldn’t have said one thing and done another, not cool. You however need to work out your insecurities and have a little faith in your son. Also not letting said girl come over to your house just means that you have no clue who she is or what she is about. You are literally your own worse enemy, making it so your son has to hide his relationship from you and not allowing yourself to have a relationship with someone that is important to him. Later you will be complaining because you don’t know what’s going on in his life, meanwhile you are shutting all the doors…
Wow. I dont even know where to start with this. You have bigger issues than your son watching a movie with a girl. Yikes!
Controlling much … deff over reacting all he’s gunna do is rebel against you and resent you for it . Do you not trust him
In all honesty in my opinion ….way overreacting, keeping them from being apart is what is going to put a wedge between you & your son(and drive him closer to rebelling to do what he wants)
If it’s his first crush & you’re all honest & open about boundaries etc giving him some healthy guidelines is going to make a huge difference.
You are over reacting and setting up a scenario for your kid to lie to you and sneak around. I’m in no way saying encourage sexual behavior but you do know eventually teens get curious and the more you forbid it the harder they are going to try
It’s going to happen, you’re creating a toxic environment by doing this, let him know pros and cons , make sure he has protection, let him know you’re against this. Believe me he can make happen , what he wants to happen, no matter how strict or how many rules you have.
I would totally wait for another invite. Then I would proceed with saying… He can not come due to the fact I was bold faced lied to the last time. Maybe when more trust is built. You never know… he could marry this girl so you don’t want to be an enemy to that… but set boundaries. I think you are valid in your feelings.
Better to over react than react to late when they’re pregnant at 14yrs.
Parents like you make sneaky children, he’s coming to you openly and honest now. You’re just starting the teenage years, don’t ruin the rest of them. You can’t keep him locked up forever
Shelter your son too much, and rebellion will be your reward. Put some trust in him…you might be surprised.
YOUR childhood traumas should not be held against your child.
You can easily be pushing him isn’t wanting to explore more, going behind your back and lying in the end.
Gross you use the word female.
You either need to trust your child or your child going to start going behind your back and not telling you stuff trust me when I say this. You’re overreacting.
I would just wait . Your obviously not going to let him over again so I wouldn’t want the drama . You now know how her parents run there hs.
I personally think that 14 is an ok to hang out with others but I also think at that age things need to be supervised and no shut door situations
I would do the same too if it was my son… my son is 11 n I’m noteven looking forward to that yet… he’s my one and only son… as long as he’s living in my house he has to go by my rules… and that’s only love me and the girls in his life rn lol love his momma and his soon 2 be 3 baby sisters (he has 2 rn,1 on her way)
Dang & my son thinks I’m strict
overreacting. they are 14. not saying they are ready for sex. but if you are to over protected that will just create a sneaky child!
Give him condoms now. N have a talk with the parents about the daughter being on birth control. U can’t stop it. They gone sneak around
It really just seems like your projecting your own stuff on your kid. Teach him to be safe instead of trying to control and shelter him, he will only lie to you and hide things and this hurts your bond immensely.
Sounds like she’s tryna let her daughter get pregnant soon as she can.
Damn, who hurt you?
I wouldn’t be calling anybody. If they call you just say no and if it’s that big of a deal have the girl come to your house where you can watch them
Talk to your son but don’t scolled him. Remember strict parents make sneaky kids. If you freak out like it sounds lime you’re doing, you’ll be a grandma in no time!
Have her over to your house and get to know her if you want to control the environment.
He’s going to be an adult in less than 4 years. You need to be focusing on teaching him how to protect himself and make his own good/safe decisions, not be worried about controlling his every move (whether you have good intentions or not is irrelevant at this point). Right now you’re just making for a sneaky teen who’s going to make bad choices as an adult because you controlled everything he did for so long.
This means you don’t trust your child. My experience the more you tighten the grip the more they push boundaries. Kid was honest with you and you punish him???
But also chill have appropriate conversations make sure your son is a gentle man. Most girls aren’t going to falsely accuse and btw you sound like your super controlling and a little to close to him. Also
If you’re so damned worry let her come to your house but you also sound like the person that is referred to as a monster in law. You are going to drive him away.
You’re absolutely ridiculous lol it’s just going to push your son to lie to you. How sad that relationship must be.
I’m 36 and remember being 16 when left alone with my boyfriend. Y’all are tripping. She is completely valid in her feelings.
Definitely not overreacting. They are only 14. If no girlfriend is the rule, then I wouldn’t allow him over there. And I would definitely ask the mother what happened and explain what she said v what your son said. I would be extremely upset. Kids get pregnant at 13 and 14 and you can trust your son and everything else… but no, absolutely not overreacting.
It sounds like this is about control with you. The girls parents are doing the right thing getting to know who their daughter is dating. Let him have a life
I mean you can either support him , educate about protection , procreation. Or you can let him go behind your back, with no protection.
He is going to do it behind you’re back. I have 6 children 3 boys 3 girls. And been through this enough. My son is 19 and still with the same girl since they was 14.
Yeah your over reacting. Were you not a teenager once ? You were a perfect little angel? ha probably not so you as well as any should know that the tighter you hold the rope the harder they are going to play when your not watching. Instead of you being so hard on the boy how about you teach him how to use protection in case he just so happens to have sex? How about you teach him and show him what happens if he were to touch a girl inappropriately without her permission. You should be teaching how to prevent the inevitable in case because let’s face it you can’t control them forever.
If you keep this up you’ll be an early grandmuva
I’m just gonna say it - who hurt you? This is your own trauma response and you’re projecting on your son.
I’d be mad she lied to me sure but you’re really extra. You need to stop being a hover parent. Leave your son be and let him go to her house an vice versa. If you continue this path you will have a man who hopes mommy saves him always plus he will hide a lot from you.
And this is what makes sneaky kids. Sit down and have the talk with your son about sex, babies and waiting . All you can do is hope he listens
I don’t think your overreacting.
Girls can cry wolf, and not get in trouble.
A boy’s reputation if anything happens or not is ruined and no erasing what was said.
And this is the first time they’ve been alone together, if you don’t trust him or her, I would get that.
But maybe overtime, if they can prove that they are trustworthy it should be okay￼￼￼.
Like your son coming to you and telling you about it, I think that is a step closer for him in the trust department to be able to do stuff like that.
Also, maybe the sex talk is probably a good thing to have.
Pros and cons.
Teens will find a way to do it no matter what rules you have in place
Sorry to tell you most kids loose their V between 12 and 16… kinda scary I get it but it’s reality. I would much rather my child come to me openly then hid due to being scared of punishment . Sexuality is normal and so is exploration . Hopefully you or dad has had that “talk” on how to safely go about intimacy… if not I would considering he is dating … good luck mama
You should have an open relationship with your son always talk if you have had these conversations with him you shouldn’t have a problem if he thinks you don’t trust him then you will have a deceitful teenager in no time
You have every right to be mad. I have to boys 19 & 17. They are very raised to be very conscious in today’s society. You are doing right by your son. ￼
I’d be ticked. It’s up to the two sets of parents to help guide their children and they are certainly not guiding them in a good direction. They are teaching and promoting lying and deception. I’d definitely be mad.
I get it’s scary letting your son go to his gf house but you need to trust your son. Just cause their teens don’t mean they’re going to go out there and have sex and do drugs. You’ve taught your child about these kinds of situations. Unless your child has always given you reasons to not trust him, let him be a kid and enjoy life or he’ll be gone before you know it when he turns of age
Maybe I just relate so hard because my son is 14. but I say follow how you feel. Let them hang, but not unsupervised.
I went through a similar situation with my sons now ex girlfriends family it started with hanging out alot, having dinner there even escalated to sleeping over cuz they would be “supervising”
Eventually the gf got very possessive and emotionally as well as physically abusive and yes sex ended up happening and no neither of them were safe even after they were caught making their crappy choices
The gf would even hit my son call him a pos and all sorts of names and the mom supported jerks daughter blaming it on my son
She became my sons world and they made it seem like i was taking away the “only ones who cares about him” (the moms exact words to me) my son ended up cutting himself and making suicide notes because this other girl was so in his head
You cant separate them tho, that will make things worse, reinforce what’s right parents like these will NOT be on your side if your young boy gets in a heads situation
I think you should trust him a little more not all kids are just looking to have sex, maybe you should lighten up a little.
I don’t think your outta line. I’d be the same way. I’m too young to be a grandma
Wow that’s one way to drive away your child and turn them the wrong way. Quit being so overbearing and controlling and actually talk to your son.
I feel like this is dramatic but that’s just my opinion I personally will let my daughter do things until she messes up then I will be more strict. But I also wouldn’t be so protective because then they will sneak around more.
The bottom line is that you asked her a direct question, she gave her word and she lied. I don’t think lying to people is okay. I think you’re well within your rights to be upset.
Wow sorry to say it but at the end of the day if your son wants to get busy bad enough he will so stressing sooo much about it isn’t going to help. It’s best that u have the talk with him so he is prepared if it does go there. Just let him know just how serious things get when sex is added to the equation and possible outcomes etc.
You are not out of line, I would have already called and bitched her out.
Let the boy have a life!! You care I understand, but very controlling, let them be together, perhaps you may enjoy the company, we all did things when we were young, let him have a life, stop being controlling and trust!
I’m with you! I’d be pissed too, 1) they flat ass lied. 2) your son KNEW the rules, and he asked anyways, and was alone with her.
As a teen, my mom’s rules were the same. My rules were the same.
Yikes. Poor kid. Imagine not trusting your kid even the littlest bit when your the one that raised them.
This gonna be a monster in law in the future
You need to back off & let your son have a life
Wow! So he’s 14… Around the age he should have his first gf, he’s being responsible, honest and you are acting wacky and treating him like a toddler.
It’s almost like you would rather he sneak around.
Wait until he is asked to come over again, and you can’t trust either one of them because they are hormonal teenagers.
Invite her to your house so you can supervise.
Control him like this for much longer and you gonna have a hell of a lot more to worry about then him watching a movie unsupervised I promise
Woah!! Honestly you should invite her to your house if you are so concerned. If you keep hovering over him like that they will end up doing stuff behind your back. Dont underestimate your kid. If they want to have sex they will find a way. Give him the talk or you will be a grandparent.
Probably not what you want to hear but here’s a few things that can be done.
Teach your son about “enthusiastic consent” NOW.
Teach him to be safe, sexually.
Let the girlfriends parents know you have had the talk and your son knows right from wrong in situations that involve consent.
And take a deep breath and realise everything you’re freaking out about he has probably already done.
Keep him away from her and keep telling him no to everything the more u shelter them the more they are going to do it behind your back and sneak
You’re already a nightmare of a mother in law. God I’d hate to be dating your son, simply because of you.
Nope. I’m with you. Regardless about how someone else feels. That’s your child, that you’re responsible and they clearly don’t respect you even a tiny bit as a parent in general. If the shoe was on the other foot and she got pregnant something tells me they wouldn’t be so nice about it.
I heard a saying once… strict parents raise the best liars
You’re not wrong, you are trying to protect your son and future consequences. However I would definitely have an open convo with him about it and try to not keep him on a leash too much because he’ll just rebel it’s human nature. GL momma!
As a mom of 2 boys, I understand your feelings. This is an insane world we live in right now. You counted on her parents to respect your wishes about it. Have her over, have a heart to heart talk with both of them, and express to them directly, they cannot be together unsupervised. You have a right to be upset.
You need to settle down lol
Not ok they lied to you. But your kid is never going to be honest with you. You’re too uptight and they are probably going to act out against your extreme strict rules
You’re definitely overreacting and asking for trouble.