If you have a trustworthy relationship it wouldn’t matter where he went and who he was around, everyone has a past relationship… with that being said, my husband and I do not go to bars without each other(we honestly don’t really go period, would rather stay home with kiddos, or go on get aways together) but it is not because we do not trust each other, it is because it is not fun without each other!
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Honestly if she still has feeling a for him he is probably going there to get free drinks! If he is nice to her, flirts with her a little she may keep the drinks coming all night. That’s how it works when when your dating a bartender so I’m sure he is planning for the free drinks. At the end of the night if he is home by closing time and doesn’t make it a habit I wouldn’t like it but I don’t think he would be cheating
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There are plenty of bars literally everywhere. If your boyfriend is going to a bar getting served by somebody he slept with, then he is there to do it again or to feed off that attention flirting etc. Grown men don’t make decisions like that. I don’t know what y’all situation is but especially before you make a commitment to somebody living with them having sex with them getting married to them, they have to choose you. In the time of getting to know somebody they have to figure it out and you can set your own boundaries and you can watch but if he is constantly spending time with other women, he is still figuring things out he has not chosen you.
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Yes!!
I would also let her know we are both HIV+:rofl: and I would then tell him my ex hit me up 
As far as I concerned that’s poking the 
…
If you choose to poke a bear you deal with the consequences 
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No you’re not being unreasonable. If he knows it upsets you, then he’s disrespecting you. He could go to any bar!
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I would go have a conversation because sounds like he’s playing both sides and she probably thinks all this crazy bill shit
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Just depends on your boundaries. If your not ok with it you need to communicate. Not everyone is comfortable with things that other people are comfortable about and THAT IS OKAY! Everyone has feelings and boundaries and y’all should communicate and talk about those feelings.
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If there are other bars, why is he going to this one even though it makes you upset???
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Is that the only bar around? If it isn’t, he should’ve been more sensitive to the fact that it may make you uncomfortable and go somewhere else. Not the biggest of deals, but would avoid a potentially awkward situation for you (or them).
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Uummm He just needs to find somewhere or different days to bat hop! It’s called comprising if being Sincere an shouldn’t be an issue unless being scandalous is his thing…! Time will tell but say what you gotta say once an after that you will see what he decides your choice to be!
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If his friends chose to meet up there is one thing but if he just went by himself then I would be a little concerned and let him know for future reference that makes you uncomfortable. If it was like a group of friends would’ve been weirder for him to say anything to the group so it just is what it is.
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Unless he went with a group of friends who chose that location, you are in trouble. I have known many guys who start new relationships, seem like they are all in, then get bored. They wander back to past loves. They can’t settle down. Be aware. Watch.
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If that is your boundaries that’s your boundaries and he needs to respect that would it bother me ? No. I look at it like this : he’s with me, he comes home to me. He loves me. He’s never given me a reason to not trust him. This is just me and my boundaries. We all have a past. I can’t not trust him for something he was doing before we got together
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I would be upset. But then again I would also be upset if my man went drinking without me. Too many opportunities for bad things to happen when alcohol is involved. People can say all the want of the latter but more often than not there isn’t anything good that comes from it.
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I asked my boyfriend to see his opinion and he said it’s strange how he decides to go to that specific bar on the night she works. Of all the bars he can choose , he chooses that one. I would be upset also …
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I say its asking for trouble. Why put himself in that situation? Why make himself available to her? How does he know the nights she works dont their shifts change periodically? Big red flag. Sit him down tell him how you feel and go from there
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He don’t have to go to that bar, without you. It’s disrespectful
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Idk I would be fine with it. I trust in my relationship and my husband. That was before you. I’m sure you have a past as well? Just because she works there doesn’t mean they are hooking up behind you back
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Show up to the bar with a cleavage shirt and see who he pays more attention to. Why was he there? Friends or her? Whip them tits out, chick.
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Oh hell no, no way, no time for bullshit, manipulation is out the door, time to be set free and move on there are plenty of fish in the sea just gotta find l the right one… bars are no place to be at when u have family … make good decisions for Ur self…
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It would bother me… I would talk to him letting him know how I feel etc and reason/find alternatives so that he’s not there when she is… at the end of the day it’s his choice. If he continues to go when she’s there I would assume he wants to see her and I would let him know I feel that way and make my own decision from there. There should be trust and the point should never be to control the other person but he should show concern for your feelings and make some changes etc.
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At the least you deserve a conversation with him. It is okay to have feelings regardless of what current society trends tell you….your granny sure wouldn’t have put up with it she would have whacked him with a skillet. LoL.
Seriously though, if you are feeling disrespected it’s ok to tell him. That doesn’t been you are insecure.
As far as how you feel there is no right or wrong, do not ask us or anyone else to validate your feelings. They are there so find out why.
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No not at all he went to a bar to have a drink. If you cant trust him then id say your relationship isnt as stromg as it could be… you have to have trust
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Sounds like you don’t trust him well. So what he is around someone he slept with? He could have no feelings toward her whatsoever…
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God have us free will to do as we please. If you feel a certain way talk to him and express that. In my opinion if my man went to a bar and there was someone there he slept with it wouldnt bother me. I know who my man is and trust him to not do no dumb shit. If there is no trust it just doesnt work. To me it sounds like your own insecurities getting to the best of you.
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Theres no right or wrong to how you feel in cases like this. Some wouldn’t think twice about it and others would feel very awful. I’d just talk to him and ask that he not do it again if i was that upset. Me personally, i wouldn’t care. But that doesn’t mean its not okay for you to care.
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Depends. I assume they have mutual friends who may frequent the bar she works at, so it would be totally reasonable for him to go there. If he’s going by himself with no mutual friends, it might be suspicious feeling. Women can be pretty awful though. She may have been given false information about you to have made her want to distance herself so hard.
Get rid of him now, you know he wouldn’t tolerate it if shoe was on other foot . Run fast and don’t look back🏃♀️ …
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Now you know she hooking him up on the drinks…he not go get that all the other bars. Leave him if you have a problem with it. You are entitled to your feelings…
I’ve just learned to stop bitching and get even…
I would be irritated… and I would be hanging out with my ex at his work while having a drink. ((Probably just tell him I was but not actually doing it bc I don’t want the drama)) Then dare him to say something.
I’m sure you’re curious but if you trust each other there shouldn’t be an issue my husband and I both come from small town there’s people that we certainly know or have had a relationship with and we continue to be friends with the majority of those people those relationships didn’t work out for a reason on a romantic level the friendships were certainly maintainable
What is your fear here? Fear he will get too drunk and hookup with her? If you’re insecure about that then look at why. Start at the root because the most important part of relationships is trust. If you feel he’s untrustworthy then why are you even together? If he’s never broken your trust then your fear stems from something else.
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Your feelings are never wrong. How you handle them however, can be. If you respectfully told him you are uncomfortable with him going there while she’s working, and he goes anyways. Well I would be very very upset.
Trust no one but your gut. It’s literally hardly ever wrong. And you said there are tons of bars he could have went to but he made the grown decision to go there knowing she was working that night. That’s disrespectful. My exes dad owns a really popular restaurant in my hometown and my husband and I just don’t ever eat there. It’s out of respect. 
Your man was craving some kind of attention, f yea I’d be mad, if most definitely she will try and come between you both and him knowing this he goes? Yes be very mad and only accept the best explanation.
Yeah I would be especially if she’s acting like that. So much drama and stories could be made up. It would make me think something was going on. You know us girls… we aren’t nice at times. I’ve dealt with rumors before.
Personally if I knew someone I slept with was bartending at a bar I’d just not go when they were working out of respect for my relationship. I wouldn’t just stop going to that bar tho If I went before they started working there or if it was one of the better ones in town. So to me if he’s only going when she works? Yea that’s sketchy. I wouldn’t automatically assume there’s cheating but I’d have my guard up and have a conversation about it and discuss how it makes you feel and see if there is a compromise because you shouldn’t be feeling insecure every time he goes out to the bar and he shouldn’t feel like you’re too controlling ya know?
If you trust him… then no! Maybe it’s time to think of if the stress or the fight is worth it!?!
I don’t think you’re overreacting. My partner would avoid the bar his ex works out so he didn’t have to risk bumping into his ex and out of respect for me too. Dump his arse girllll
only reason to be upset about that is if you’re insecure or worried he will cheat on you with her… 
. and if that’s the case then maybe you just need a new man that makes you feel 100% secure in your relationship.
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We all run into exes. As long as u two have trust and nothing happened then no I wouldn’t be mad. My ex husband works in the same building as me. Its a trust thing. Talk to him without fighting
I really hate that you’re being put in that situation he should respect your feelings and go somewhere else or on a night that she isn’t there… Is there any way you can go to the bar with him? I know that’s uncomfortable but if he tells you that you can’t go with him that’s a dead giveaway that somethings wrong.
He went to that specific bar to see her! I would’ve gone there myself just the check them out!!
I would tell him you n the girls want a girls night and go to that bar and see what’s going on see if he shows up or how she reacts to seeing you there
Honestly I would be upset too. It really sounds like he’s playing with both of u guys heart.
In my opinion give him an ultimatum.
Unless you have reasons to suspect they are carrying on please let it go.I assume he’s going with friends and he would look like a hen pecked idiot if he refused to go there because you don’t trust him.if you really don’t trust him ,walk away there are going to be other temptations in life but if you have no trust you have nothing.Good luck.
Okay, so I don’t like saying women are overreacting butttttt there’s other things to take into consideration. This could be a bar he is comfortable in. If the woman was upset that you two got together then obviously if he truly wanted to be with her like that he would have been. She might disrespect the relationship, but that’s not something you can control. How he reacts to it is what matters. Although I will concede if that was a boundary you had previously set and he is now breaking it then there’s an issue. I wouldn’t read too much into it. My ex didn’t change my favorite restaurant, bar, or store. My husband is not upset with me about that. However if you are upset, let him know, set some boundaries and if he respects it then good for him! Power to him. If not then you guys need to find somewhere to meet in the middle and compromise. If that doesn’t work then I would recommend splitting because then there is no trust and nobody should stay in a relationship like that
You have every reasion to be upset about that. I dont care what about says if you upsets you angers you . You shouodnt have to feel that way
I mean I was really easy going in my marriage as far as this stuff goes and after the divorce found out he’d been cheating. A lot. With many of them.
So I guess you can’t really just trust everyone just because you should be able to.
If your upset your upset, u dont need anyone else to validate your feelings thats how u feel. I would be really annoyed too btw!!
This would bother me… I mean… why would he willingly want to put himself before the throne of temptation?
A faithful man shouldn’t want to put himself in situations where he could be tempted to cheat.
He is definitely playing you both. Get rid of him as he will always cheat on you and lie about it. Get a boyfriend who only needs you and not a few others to play with.
Its ALL about trust. If you dont trust him then dont be with him. If you know he went and he didnt lie about it and you say you dont have a problem with the girl ( which this post screams that you do) what is the question. Should he not go to a spacific McDonald’s because the girl he slept with in high school works there? Then where does it end? When did a relationship become a monarchy. Why should you (or him) decide where the other can go based on exes?
i think it depends on how he went about it…did he tell u he was going before hand or did u just happen to find out? i would be mad if he was being sneaky about it
Unless you’ve told him you’re not comfortable going there when she’s working, I don’t see an issue. She’s working and he’s probably just comfortable there. If you’ve told him how you feel and he just doesn’t care than it’s a problem but otherwise it’s up to if you trust him or not.
You have a right to be upset but if you and him have trust then there shouldn’t be an issue and obviously he didn’t want her he wanted you now if there’s a trust issue that’s where the problem lies I hope you figure this out in the best of luck to you
Have you talked with him about it? Does he know that him going to the bar she works at makes you uncomfortable & upset?
If you feel like you can’t trust him, then you ought to rethink the whole relationship.
I have learned that jealousy gets you no where. I would talk to him about how you feel. But also, why do we have to set boundaries for significant others? If there is no trust, then you should not be together in my opinion. You can not live your life wondering. You can not live your life thinking about the what if’s. I’ve been in this situation… and now I’m going through a divorce. If you have trust issues and continuously do… I’d just cut it off right now 
It’s just as easy for them to continue to just sleep together if they are or he is drunk. You should accompany him when he goes.
I’m petty. He gonna be around person he slept with? Well you set the standard buddy. I’d start being around people I slept with too. See how he likes it
Sounds like he is trying to REKINDLE AN OLD FLAME ! If she meant nothing to him he would not go there the nights she is working, he should Instead be coming home to u directly , but he didnt he choose to go where she is working during the nights…
Thats totally disrespectful…
If she was his past why would he still want to go where she is…U should tell him u would like to accompany him next time he is going an sees his reactions when u tell him u will like to go with him…
Then an there his reactions will say alottt…
Well funny thing is I just went through this last Saturday and yes you have a right to be pissed and mad I know I was and my reason being is 1 he lied about where he had been for 2 he went where a woman that was already hitting on him in the store just a cpl months back to where she’s a bartender and 3 we made an agreement that we wouldn’t be going to bars without each other there’s certain boundaries in a relationship that you don’t cross and disrespect your significant other and like I told him I haven’t done that to you so wtf makes you think you can do me like that and if that’s how you think a relationship and life goes then you got shit fucked up and need to switch your thinking up or you about to be looking stupid and I’ve been with him 19 yrs we’ve had our ups and downs no doubt but you have to set boundaries and respect them boundaries and your significant others feelings to a relationship is a two way street not just one
Depends. Was he with a group of people & wasn’t the one who chose the bar? If this is the case, then you’re being unreasonable. He definitely shouldn’t need to tell a group of people to change plans because he can’t go to the bar where a girl he used to bang works because his gf will be tripping. That would make you look very insecure, which you should not be & shouldn’t want to look like.
If he went to the bar on his own, like just chilling, having a few drinks by himself, then OH HELLLLL NAH! Don’t flip out or anything, but communicate as confidently as possible that that shit bet not ever happen again. I wouldn’t give a damn if it were for free drinks like someone said. Fk them drinks. Disrespecting your gf for free drinks is bs. Idk how long you’ve been together but if it’s pretty new, maybe you just need to make it clear that you don’t get down like that (since apparently a bunch of women do, as we see in these comments). If y’all been together long enough for him to know, hmmmmmmm….
My boyfriend now no I wouldn’t be mad at him, my ex husband I would of flipped out. My current boyfriend doesn’t play games if he wants something else he will be honest about it and won’t waste my time he doesn’t feel desperate and he doesn’t feel the need to hide anything it’s beautiful. My ex was constantly entertaining other women’s interests it was thrilling to him and he thought it was manly to be able to sleep with anyone. Two different people two different situations.
My thing is if you’re in a relationship why is he going to a bar without you? Most people go to clubs and bars when they’re single and on the hunt. Even if they go with friends that’s usually why. So, why not go with him if he just has to go to a bar? It just doesn’t make since to me. That’s how I look at it anyway. Really sounds like he’s doing it on purpose to use her for drinks or he likes the attention she’s giving him. It doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll do anything with her but why put yourself in that situation. I’d be pissed off myself. I feel like if you’re in a relationship there isn’t a need to still hang out at bars and clubs. And really those places aren’t the best place to meet a future boyfriend or husband anyway. Just my opinion, but each to his own. 
Yes leave the relationship!!! It will cause more harm than any good!
Not unreasonable at all. Ask him if he cares about your feelings. If he doesn’t you don’t have a relationship. Men can be shallow and not think when it comes to feelings so he might not of realized it was wrong. Now once you tell him.
Depends on the context I think , are there tons of options of places to go? Did he choose to go there individually? If him and a group of friends went there it’s one thing but if there’s lots of bars where you live and he by himself went there I would be annoyed. Btw nobody has the right to make you feel like your feelings aren’t valid, if you don’t trust him it’s valid but probably not healthy to maintain that long term relationship
This situation atleast deserves a sit down talk about it. Maybe he went there cause thats where his friends chose to go? Maybe he did go there cause she was there… is it the closest place? Idk. But you should find out what his reasons or explanation is & how he reacts should tell you alot
If you are asking this question then obviously you know the answer. If he is doing this knowing it’s upsetting you then he is totally disrespectful towards your feelings. Ditch him.
Very odd situation think I’d pop in
Extremely disrespectful. If this was an ex or a fling from a long time ago, sure, it’d be fine. But he was bangin this chick right before yall got together? And goes alone on the nights she works? And she has you blocked and doesn’t even know you?
Bf is a douche and I guarantee they’re still doing the horizontal tango.
They are still sleeping together if that’s the case and also why shes so defensive towards you. Sorry! Prob should lay down the law or get packing. 
I guess id need more info. Does he go to be with other friends? Offer to go to the bar with him. Or discover new ones together. Sometimes men just like their routine and places they feel comfortable not necessarily because of one person. I’d be suspicious though. No one’s the same so without knowing your boyfriend its hard to say.
If you have to ask us for permission to feel what you feel, you need a counselor. If you’re questioning your boyfriend’s loyalty and don’t trust him regardless, it’s not the relationship for you. If this a reoccurring theme in your life, you need a counselor not a boyfriend.
Went to the bar… no. Went anywhere alone with her outside the bar yes.
Honestly I wouldn’t be mad about it. But that’s me. I’d go to a bar I’m familiar with too instead of going around trying to find a new one I -might- like.
Even if she is/was mad he got with you, he’s still with you and chose you over her. go with him afew times.
I see a lot of comments about folks being insecure when I think it’s more of an issue of not trusting his thirsty ass ex. And if she’s communicated to him already that she’s uncomfortable with it but he continues to go there? That’s douchey for real.
A guy in the same situation would pitch a fit. How hard is it for him to find a new bar? Or take a friend?
Girl, you’re allowed to feel however you feel and don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not.
There’s tons of bars and he goes to THAT one?
Why are you with him if you don’t trust him?
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I’d have a problem with it. It’s the disrespect for me. If children aren’t involved, what do y’all have to talk about?
Valid and maybe drop him sounds like he ain’t over his bedroom fling js
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No not at all that’s why they are ex’s ! Doesn’t mean you have to kill them off it means you weren’t meant to be and they moved on . It’s called Adulthood
It wouldn’t bother me at all if I trusted him.
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Had. Used to. All past tense. I don’t care. It’s just a bar.
Run, don’t walk. Big red flag. Get out before u lose u.
So many people here don’t know the difference between reasonable trust and just being stupidly gullible.
Did you tell him that it bothered you and asked him not to go? And did he willingly tell you he was going or did you find out?
If you don’t trust him why are you with him? Who cares if they did. The past is the past and if you can’t let that they slept together in the past you will never be happy in the future
Ask him if he would be ok if you go to a bar or similar where your ex , who’s still into you, works . Then ask why when there’s other bars he need to go to that one. If this makes you uncomfortable which I totally understand, why’s he not interested in fixing it ? You should ask him that too.
I’d wonder why? But the issue lies on why don’t you trust him?
Why would you be with someone you can’t trust? How do you know they still aren’t friends?
You can’t be trying to control your partner’s life. If you do, it isn’t going to lead to marriage.
It’s disrespectful sure but he’s with you now. If you can’t trust him, what’s the point?
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How does he know her work schedule?
Yes he should not be at that bar …
What does he say when confronted w your thoughts/feelings?
You have to have trust in a relationship. If he’s giving you reason to not trust him yes
Take it from an old timer ALWAYS GO WITH UR GUT its usually right…
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I can only go by my experience, he was still sleeping with her!