Do I have a right to be upset my boyfriends ex still buys him things?

So. My boyfriend’s ex wife and him have a daughter, and they co-parent pretty well, which I think is amazing. I like the ex, and she’s in a relationship…and has been with her boyfriend for almost a year. My issue, is every single time I’m around her(with my boyfriend picking up or dropping off their daughter) she always brings up stories about my boyfriend and her. Like everything they did in their marriage, or whatever. She also buys my boyfriend books and things whenever she goes to a thrift store. I told him I didn’t know how I felt about her buying him things, and he told me I was thinking too much into it. I guess I may be, but I need some opinions. How would ya’ll feel?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Do I have a right to be upset my boyfriends ex still buys him things?

They broke up let it go!.

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Take note and start buying it for him

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That’s a little weird. He shouldn’t accept the gifts.

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He is with you. If he doesn’t want to be with you nothing you do will change that. But you can nag him out the door if you keep being petty.

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Seems genuinely harmless :woman_shrugging:

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They are friends
…that is nice …

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That would irritate me.

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Be glad they coparent well. Who’s to say their kid didn’t pick it out. Sheesh. Maybe take note. There are worse things in the world.

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Maybe they are better off friends but also kind of odd as is if she’s trying to make you jealous?

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I’m friends with my kids dad and his wife and we buy each other things sometimes. And talking about things in the relationship is probably just because she doesn’t know what else to talk about. I’ve done it. My current bf gets along with my kids dad and his wife too and plays Xbox with my kids dad.
I think it’s healthy to have a good relationship with your kids dad and whoever they’re with.

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I don’t see an issue unless she was buying him like Intimate stuff like boxers an such.

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I guess it would depends on why they divorced? WS it amicable? Are they still good friends? If so then I wouldn’t worry about it. Some people are just chill like that and if she’s also in a relationship she’s probably not trying to sabotage yours. But not everyone throws away how ever many years of friendship just bc they couldn’t make a romantic relationship work.

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My sons dad and I buy each other gifts for holidays and he sends me LARGE bouquets for Mother’s Day.

We have been broken up for 8 years. It’s fine and my husband doesn’t mind at all

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I think you’re worrying about it too much. It’s better for their child that they remain friends. Don’t create an issue that doesn’t exist. He chose you :heart:

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I may be the odd one out here but I think it’s showing their child a healthy coparenting relationship.

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So she saw a few things while out and about that he’d like and she picked them up for him. They have a child together, a history together… doesn’t mean she wants him back or anything. I side with him on this. You’re thinking too much on this.

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Have him ask for something you’d like lol

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I buy my ex baby daddy stuff bit it’s like Xmas time not randomly.

They have memories together you’ll definitely hear them

Sounds like they’re friends… Which is amazing for their co-parenting relationship. You either trust him or you don’t. If you trust him then there is no problem. If you don’t then why are you with him :thinking:

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I buy my ex coffee and other stiff when I drop her off. So what.
I still care about him, and would destroy any woman who tries to use him and tries to turn him against our family etc.

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Personally unless it’s from the child I feel like it’s inappropriate. It’s great to have a good coparenting relationship. But there’s still some stuff that’s not necessary and I feel like that’s one of them. Being good to eachother as coparents is great. Making it look like you still have some kind of interest in the other parent by going out of your way to do things solely for them like this isn’t great. Sure he’s with you, and sure she’s with someone else, but there’s nothing wrong with having boundaries within their coparenting relationship as well.

I wouldn’t so much be upset at her for giving the gifts though. Voice your opinion and feelings to him and if he continues to accept the gifts then I’d be upset with him.

No one can say wether it’s truly right or wrong. But don’t let anyone tell you that your feelings aren’t valid. You deserve to be heard at the very least

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I think how he responds to the gifts matters more than her buying them. Unless she buys them and gifts them “from his daughter” type thing, he should probably set clear boundaries. I think it is weird she brings up stories of their relationship. Obviously it wasn’t all that great if it didn’t work out. Is she still in love with him? You can’t control her and you shouldn’t have to control him. He should set clear boundaries and show respect for you, not minimize your feelings about it.

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It all depends on how things were with her marriage and the divorce. If they’re amicable and they’re friendly and they just have a good relationship they just decided not to be married that’s a whole other story. If there’s nothing going further than that don’t worry about it so I’m making something more out of it.

You need to sort your jealousy. You are causing unnecessary toxic environment for the kid. It’s her parents.and the fact they still do positive things for eachother is healthy.

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Honestly they’re always going to care for eachother, they have a child together. I don’t think it’s weird at all. I’m sure my child father and I will chat about the past too. The great thing about it is that ITS THE PAST. You’re the FUTURE.

It might be a jealousy thing with her if your the first girl he’s been with since her and now realizing it’s officially over…? I would pay attention to your bf and see how he reacts to her comments/ gifts. When I was in my 20s, I bought a bday present for my ex of 6yrs the first year we were broken up it was actually after that when I realized we were never getting back together.
It’s probably a learning curve with all of you and as long as you and your bf are on the same page, I wouldn’t sweat how she is. Good luck hun!

A lot more things in this world to worry about then that

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There’s kids involved. They are family forever so it’s good they can be friendly like that. I see stuff I want to get my daughter’s dad, and even his girlfriend.

Now the stories part some people either can’t let go, or don’t know how to build a new relationship from an old one. As long as there’s nothing else going on I’d say talk to her about it and let her know it makes you feel left out, because again you’re all family like it or not. You need to communicate and get along. If this is literally all that’s happening I think it’s fine and you should just talk to her like you would a friend.

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Explain how it makes you feel. Don’t be shy about introducing concepts you are uncomfortable with. But, if it’s truly harmless that’s for you and your bf to decide.

I cant say every guy is the same but this was my ex. she brought lunch/dinners, coffee when he go pick his kid up!! then i found out almost 4 years into our relationship after being with him they were still going at it and she had a bf too!! Good luck

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What kind of things? Are they like, romantic gestures? Or is she still buying his socks and deodorant? Are they things the kid saw and thought of dad? I mean, sounds like they have a good relationship which is a lot better than the alternative. My oldests father and I have this sort of relationship, but we would and could never be together again, but it’s good for our daughter to see us as friends. We’re always making crafts with her for the other parent, buying little things she sees while she’s out with us for the other parent (or other parents other kids in my case)
I still see why you think it’s odd, and I’d definitely note it and keep an eye on it, but wouldn’t make anything of it until it was glaringly obvious in my face. :smirk:

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You’re over thinking it. You should be happy they get along so well. They sound like their friends and I think you should see it that way too. They’re divorced for a reason.

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I guess I’m the odd one out but it would make me feel some type of way :woman_shrugging:t4:

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Yea that’s kinda weird.

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I don’t think there is anything wrong with it… my parents split and we still do vacations, birthdays, family dinners… my mom always looks out for my dad. It is nice for us kids, even as adults. That we can do all that together and that they get along (for the most part) :joy::heart:

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My ex-husband and I sucked as spouses, but were and still are amazing friends. I buy my friends things that make me think of them. My ex-husband is no exception, especially because we also share a son. My ex-husband and his wife frequently invite me places or purchase things for me. It’s really not a big deal.

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She’s a thoughtful person & knows she’s connected to him for the rest of her life bc they have a kid together. They shared a lot of experiences. It sounds like she’s trying to resonate with you by sharing stories. If she’s not being inappropriate with him then I think your man’s right. Nbd.

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I buy my kids father lil gifts if I see something he will like :woman_shrugging:t4: but I’m like that with my friends and family too

Some ppl are just gifters. I literally always buy stuff for family and friends. If it reminds me of them or something they like I will buy it. Bc giving feels good. Could be nothing more than that

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Your insecurity is showing and its not a good look.

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You may be thinking too much into it but I’ve also been in your position and I was not thinking too much into it so everyone telling you you are jealous could be right but they’ve clearly never been in that position before. 

Is she respectful towards you? If so, it wouldn’t bother me. I’d be excited that they get along for their kids and that he is a stand up guy.

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It’s odd of her to bring up the past of them all the time. The gifting I guess depends on the situation. If it’s an occasion where everyone is getting and giving gifts then that’s not weird. If she’s picking up stuff for him all the time as a “thought of you” gift… that’s weird.

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I often but random people stuff when I see something they would love (my hubbys friends etc.) If I still had a relationship or co-parenting with someone I would do the same without it meaning anything. Don’t over analyze it… Hope this helps!

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He had a life before you. You have to accept it or move on.

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They’re still friends and she’s trying to keep it decent. She’s in a relationship. She’s buying him things at a thrift store if she stumbles on it. She isn’t going out of her way to buy him stuff. I think you are reading too far into it.

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My ex took our kiddo to Disney world and came back with presents for the whole family. Maybe she’s trying to show her genuine desire to keep things cordial and show appreciation for a peaceful coparenting relationship

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Idk…this really depend because im friends with my exes and theres nothing there.
Ive bought them gifts and stuff for bdays and xmas and whatnot
But tbh from your post i get a shady feel…so ya know…go with your gut!

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Um no. You have to remember that they share a child together. They are going to be in each other’s life for ever. They are also friends and friends buy friends things. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it unless you’re just a bitter person.

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I don’t understand why women get into relationships where there is kids and coparenting when they clearly aren’t down for that. Stop being jealous and go with the flow. They do have memories and you will certainly hear about those things from time to time. Coparenting and friends is the ultimate goal. Don’t squash that.

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I get that it’s uncomfortable bc the dynamic of the relationship and ex’s always seem like there’s animosity and it feels inappropriate but it’s possible they do have a genuine friendship or friendly relationship. But if they have a friendship, or she’s trying hard to keep things friendly and civil, I wouldn’t read too much into it. Obviously their relationship didn’t work out and if buying things would’ve kept them together they’d be together.
But maybe their cops renting hasn’t always been friendly and she’s trying to keep it that way by nice gestures.
Also, they have a kid together and history together. I think part of being an adult is realizing or trying to practice that you can honor that without assuming it’s more than what it is.
You’re valid in however you feel but to say something to her about it? Probably not your place yet.
Maybe if y’all get married then yeah, he can for sure ask her to stop doing things outside of holidays and enforce some boundaries if it still makes you uncomfortable but really you probably don’t have anything to worry about. And if not being there for pickup would serve you better, don’t be afraid to hold that boundary!

I do t know about talking up their relationship like it was amazing That’s Insensitive. But when I left my husband. I bought him books. Drove him to work. And even bought clothes for his girlfriend. I had no desire to be with him

I think you need to be glad they have a good relationship. You know hating your ex and being bitter isn’t natural. Her being kind and friendly seems like just that. Don’t make an issue where their is none. You need to act like a grown up

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Narcissistic behavior if you ask me. She’s a walking red flag and it seems like you guys don’t have the same type of boundaries.

For the record I’m dealing with an extremely similar situation AND am in a coparenting relationship of my own. His ex is historically very manipulative and me and mine have had a great working relationship for 7 years. We do nice things for each other every now and again but it isn’t anything overstepping like theirs is. Sure I get him a gift for his birthday or Christmas, but “thinking of you” shit would agitate me for sure.

Ultimately we ended up talking about boundaries. I don’t get to set boundaries in his life. BUT I can share how something is making me feel openly, honestly, and with compassion to my partner. I can set boundaries for my own actions - maybe when she brings up a story about them I’ll just walk away :woman_shrugging:. I don’t need to subject myself to situations that make me uncomfortable.

I buy my ex wife little things I knew she would like and wverytime I leave the country of state I bring her wine, not because I’m in love with her but bc she’s the mother of my child and I want to be friends.

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If they wanted to be together, They would be.
Have some trust in your man and in yourself. Trust that he’s with you because he wants to be.
Being friends with a co-parent is such an amazing thing for children, But yes it can be quiet threatening for spouses. But only if your insecurities allow it to be.

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It wouldn’t be weird, except she keeps bring up their past relationship. That gives added context

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So from the ex wife point of view, I’ll do the same stuff for my childrens father/ex husband. I don’t try to make who he is dating uncomfortable or anything at all. It’s just if I see it and know he’d like it I’ll grab it. Or I’ve gotten food for kids before dropping them off and get him something too. Or coffee during morning drop offs etc. I don’t want him and never will. She also might bring up stories because she isn’t sure what to talk about. But from being the ex that does those things it’s just showing our kids that we care about each other and just doing the best we can for them.
Don’t take it personally, my boyfriend knows that I do that sometimes here or there and he doesn’t care. Or if my ex gets or gives me something bf doesn’t care. As long as you have a strong and trustworthy relationship you’re good.

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Is it a common practice for most people? Not really. Does it sound like she’s being inappropriate? Not really. I think it’s amazing when people can finally love their kids more than they hate each other after a break-up. Maybe she’s trying to be friendly and “connect” with you because she sees you as a potential “Bonus Mom” for her children? There are no rules set in stone with this. No one has to conform to the “status quo” of break-up etiquette. Just go with the flow. Until you have a real problem to deal with - there isn’t one.🤷

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When she shares stories about him, you can share stories too. Maybe she’s trying to bond with you. Sounds like they are still friends, which is a good thing!

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If it was for his birthday or father’s day or Christmas I’d totally be on the ex’s side because it’s nice for kids to see that mum and dad still do those things for each other and teaches them to do the same even when things didn’t work out. But random gifts all the time? And talking about old times in front of you every time you see her? Yeah no thanks.

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Unless you have a ring on your finger, it’s not your place to accept or reject the idea of gifts.

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Let a bitch buy stuff. It’s like couponing with a whole ass person. You don’t get the men in black flashy thing when you leave someone. If a book is something he’d like sure why not if it’s a lego set he’s into awesome. Maybe get her something and show that you aren’t threatened but think it’s a nice gesture.

I don’t think it’s weird as they co parent and get along; now if you have politely tell her it makes you uncomfortable the kids and holidays are 1 thing but everytime you do drop offs it’s inappropriate and she continues it’s a problem

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Nobody is trying to hide anything and being friends with your ex is a bonus when you have a child together. That benefits everyone.

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If she was buying him things of a more personal nature, then I’d probably be worried. Besides he’s not leaving you out the conversation.

Maybe you’re not mature enough to handle it yet and that’s okay. But don’t you think if there was still something there they would just be together?

Crystal Ann Brodeur and I (we) are defenantly better off for it and so are the kids they shouldn’t have to suffer because an adult relationship didn’t work as long as the kids are loved and taken care of the rest doesn’t matter. When we get married officially we plan on inviting our boys mom and step dad to our wedding. It’s always best for the kid’s I’m glad we can talk on a personal level. We are a blended family that’s how it should work.

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You have those wishing there was a well co parents life. My X currently lives with me and my husband. It was done so my daughter would have a healthy, safe place to connect with her dad who hasn’t always made the best decisions. We all choose to be adult and be friends. Yes there are some weird, uncomfortable and tense moments but this isn’t about him, me or my husband- it’s about my kid.

Sounds like they’re still friends which is amazing for their kid.
You seem to be giving off an insecurity vibe to me. As another stated: they’d be together if they wanted to be.
Chances are you are overthinking it.
If they were hanging out just the two of them then that would be strange imo.

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I buy stuff for my ex and vice versa. We’re friends.

They are ex partners but still have to be healthy parents and in order for it to work is to build a happy strong friendship to help their child growth. Just stop :raised_hand: her and be honest with her that what they done in the past has nothing to do with you because you weren’t there at the time. Tell her to heal, give thanks for the life lessons and move on because yous are a team who will be creating a wonderful future together for their child. That little human needs as many people the can get to help them grow and develop into the next best version of all of yous :heart:

The books and stuff doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, bringing up their past may be a little insensitive but you could just come back with your own stories and maybe she’ll stop

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I did the same for my kids dad, he did the same with me. If one of us needed something we could count on the other to help. It created a better relationship for the kids to see us getting along like friends. We ended up getting married again but that’s a different story.

Nah they are gonna be on each other’s life’s to coparent I wouldn’t get worked up about that

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Jealousy is an ugly thing

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Does her boyfriend know she is buying her ex gifts if she is hiding it from him then there is definitely and issue about how she feel about her ex personal I think its inappropriate to give him random gifts when she is in a relationship and so is he I could see getting him something from there child on holidays and his birthday

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If it’s in front of their daughter I do t see an issue with it. It’s showing her that they can still have a positive relationship even when apart. And their memories are her memories and it’s important for her to remember their happy times. If she’s doing it without the child being involved then I’d probably be a little uncomfortable at first voice my opinion and then be done with it. You should support the fact that they have such a good relationship for their child. She’s going to be in his life forever. You can either make friends with her or let the little shit eat at you.

Idc I love free shit

Well it sounds like they are good friends now and friends talk about the good times they’ve had in the past. Just because they are not in a sexual relationship anymore doesn’t erase the good times they had. And they are family whether you like it or not because they have a child together. as for her buying him little things here and there, that’s what family/friends do for each other. I think you should be happy she’s not phyco.

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Na that aint normal. And anyone who tells u otherwise, aint right in the head either. Coparenring good and getting along is great. Its the way things should be. But the bringing up their relationship, and buying him things, thats weird as fuck. If some people are cool with that, thats on them, but u dont have to be cool with it. U are your own person with your own thoughts and feelings.

Coparenting is one thing! That’s great!
It’s up to each family, but I think boundaries around stuff outside the kids should be put up! And if it bothers u or she’s in appropriate speak up!

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I think it’s fine, they have both moved on relationship wise, but they coparent and are friends…lucky kid

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Well i dont thank you have anything to worry about because my ex husband and i talk about things we use to do like on vacations and i have no intentions of ever getting back to gether with him . we have two grown kids and we are just friends .

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This is an amazing relationship :heart: and you are involved. Be happy

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To be fair if I find things people might like I usley grab it

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Oh nooooo?!?! They had a life and memories before you? God forbid

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I mean I think it’s a little weird that she buys him stuff but at least she’s not a home wrecker

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I wouldn’t worry about it. She’s an ex wife for a reason.

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I wouldn’t care … she’s in a relationship and he’s married to you.

i think it is good to see a couple who can still get on with normal lives after a split, ie they are still friends and they are showing the kids the correct way to handle a split (no need to be hateful, spiteful or cause a huge argument each time you exchange the kids) and dont forget she knows his taste in books so if she sees something at a bargain price off course she is going to possibly buy it, it doesnt mean she wants him back

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Sounds like she’s not over him. Most people in love talk about who they are in love with, not their ex. Tell her yeah, he’s amazing right!!?? Thanks for breaking up with him. Or something similiar

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I’d probably buy my husband gifts if I seen something he liked.

Well Mayne she still lives him and wants him back. Maybe she’s trying to make u jealous and it’s working or just maybe they are good co parents and friends.

Ok as a non biased person as I also co parent well with my ex - as does my husband with his, this is strange behaviour, I don’t go to the shop and consider my ex I consider my husband, as I’m sure he doesn’t consider his ex when generally shopping, I feel you need to be very vocal on this that you’re not comfortable with it and you find it (as most people probably will) abnormal behaviour. It could be very innocent like it’s a habit for her if something she always did. They were married after all and you haven’t stated how long they were together it could be a genuine situation albeit you don’t like it and you’re his current partner so this should be voiced and understood for both parties, how does her partner feel about this? If it’s making you uncomfortable she should stop especially as you have a good relationship with her to, if the co parenting and the good relationship is to be continued she and he should respect your wishes. Past should stay in the past x

Some ppl may be fine w that. We all have our boundaries. It’s an ex for a reason. I’m not buying my ex sh*t. It’s a little weird imo. Bringing up stories, she sounds like an attention seeker. One story cool, repeatedly, annoying. I personally don’t step on another females toes.

My wife always bought her ex gifts for Christmas, father’s Day, birthday etc. The gifts were with the daughter’s name on it but he knew who paid for them. When he didn’t have groceries she took him some. Now the daughter doesn’t want anything to do with him so the gifts stopped.

When my husband and I separated we still bought eachother stuff too :woman_shrugging:t3: it’s thoughtful. You could have baby momma drama instead

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