It doesn’t matter if you stay home with the kids , it’s still a job , it’s a contribution to the family . Yes he should have talked to you first . In a marriage everything is 50/50 … even the debt or the truck payment !
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I’m trying to put my feet in your shoes… when I was in a very stable relationship and didn’t have to worry about money even though I was a SAHM and we didn’t make much- what he did didn’t bother me. Then I was in an unstable relationship where he made a ton of money but was stupid with it- I would be livid.
Now I’m in a relationship where I make the money and provide. I update my SO on what’s in each of MY accounts and what’s in savings. I would run a large purchase like that by him for sure.
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My husband asks me if he can buy anything. I’m not working right now but as a couple with kids we should discuss finances if it’s a big purchase. I think not even asking was really not okay. It’s honestly financial abuse if he is saying you get no say over anything because you stay home with the kids. Where would those kids be if you weren’t with them? Daycare. It would cost a lot of money and you as a couple are saving on the cost of daycare by you staying home. You should both have a say or at the very least be told ahead of time he’s making a big purchase. It’s just inconsiderate. Him not including you in financial discussions and saying that you don’t make any money so you don’t have control over anything is financial abuse. If you are married legally everything is split right down the middle unless there was some type of prenup. The money belongs to both of you because you work as a team to earn it. He wouldn’t be able to work with free childcare without you.
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Any major money decisions should be made together in a marriage. In almost every state if married everthing is equal Property.
Communication is key in a healthy relationship.
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You may not make money but you sure have a full time 24/7 job! You have every right to a discussion about something like this. Yes I can see hubby working and wanting something. If you can afford it then he deserves something he works hard for but if its going to hurt you financially then he’s got some loose rocks going on in his head.
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Yeah. You are right. This needs to be discussed prior to purchase. And by the way. You are contributing to the household. You are raising a family, cooking and cleaning and probably a lot of other things as well. Xx
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Definitely valid in feeling upset. Especially after just paying off one debt to jump into another 
what gets me is you weren’t even worth a discussion about it. $10,000 is a lot to spend without even discussing it with your partner as then adding a $900 a month bill to your budget 
Being a stay at home parent is financially contributing to your family and is for many families. Daycare and babysitters are expensive. If this is a pattern of behavior with money for hmm… go open your own bank account and find a way to make your own money and save save save.
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Stop doing his laundry, cooking, cleaning. Take care of the kids because they need it. Go on strike.
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Being a stay at home mom is a job. If you didn’t stay home with kids he would then pay for a sitter. & being a sitter is a job. Being a stay at home mom isn’t easy and it’s a constant mental battle. I feel like your feelings are valid. & you need to let him know that you felt left out and hurt. Yall are a team and should make decisions together. Hugs and positive vibes being sent your way.
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I’m 84 so I don’t know what my thoughts are worth. But you need to sit down with him and express to him your sad feelings about what he did. Do I think it was right? No I don’t. But don’t let it fester, talk about it.
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My hubby once came home with a new truck for him and a new car for me. I was a stay-at-home mom at the time and my accountant brain freaked out for a bit. He was a bachelor for 40 yrs so completely not use to having conversations with a partner about big purchases 
I love the car because my Neon was on its dying legs
I feel like these decisions should always be talked about no matter who works or who don’t work. Regardless we are still a TEAM and teams work TOGETHER. That’s how i feel. I would definitely be upset and would be having a conversation about it after i cooled off a bit lol
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Hell no I’d be livid , no real job sure let’s see him do it 24/7 for I’ll give it a week before he’s crying that man would never see a dime with out my permission again . Marriage is us not you not him you both those major decisions need to happen as a unit .
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Well love, he can pay a babysitter also. Home Depot is a great place to work. Get out of the house work or go to college, that would have paid for you to go to college.
How much was the truck that he put 10,000 down and still has a 900 payment? And good lord let’s not forget how much the tag tax and title will cost! But anyways you do have a job i would figure up how much it would cost him for daycare, cleaning services, meal prep, and so on. Show him what you save him every month by taking care of your family as a stay at home mom. And let’s not forget if you didn’t watch the kids he probably couldn’t work the hours he does most daycares open around 6 630 am and close by 530 6 pm. Would he be able to work in those time frames if you didn’t provide childcare for him? I just think its a respect thing and you do contribute in my opinion far more than he probably does just out of the time and love your kids receive from being with you instead of strangers. I wouldn’t be ok with it.
Absolutely NOT OKAY. There should have definitely been a conversation, and decision made together. My hubby would neverrrr.
You’ve got bigger problems than that new truck. On the other hand he might be a smart money manager but still you have a problem.
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I’m playing devils advocate here I’m sure, but I am also a SAHM and I also do not contribute financially. In our relationship, I don’t feel like that needs to be ran by me UNLESS it puts a damper on our lifestyle and what’s comfortable for us. I trust my husband to make a decision and trust that his decision will not put us in a financial bind. Myself and the kids have always been taken care of, we get everything we want, we don’t go without, so if he is confident that his new purchase won’t effect us financially, then I don’t really care.
But mama, I feel for you. And my heart breaks for your sadness… hugs
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You have a real job and that is not nice. You could have went on a vacation alone without your babies. Sometimes it is nice to get away. He should have discussed this with you and you should also be able to pay bills and control money.
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You have financial worth. Think about how much it would cost if he had to hire child care while he worked, and or a housekeeper. Who spends time shopping for the family groceries, shopping for kids clothing, taking kids back and forth them back and forth to activities, school the doctor…? Who organizes the calendar, who cooks… This would all cost him money if he did it alone, or what more am I missing. You should have a fair say in what the household money is spent on…
Oh wow . My boyfriend wanted to buy a new car and asked my advice so many times before he decided to buy it and we don’t even live together and don’t share bank accounts
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You may not be bringing home a check but you are working jobs, cleaning the house, taking care of the kids, fixing meals and serving them to him, I could go on and on. You are working jobs which financially contribute to
The finances of your home. Hell yes he should have consulted you. You need to figure up
What your contribution at home is actually doing is letting him spend that money that should be part of the family. Not just enjoyment for him. Btw. What do u drive around doing your jobs
This is why I’m happy his moneys his mine is mine and we will never get married. Not that my man would make a drastic decision like that on a whim without completely spamming me about it
I’d be so mad. Then again my husband tells me when he spends $1 on a snack. It just all depends on your relationship I guess. But yes I’d be pissed. That’s a huge purchase
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Whether you work or not, that’s immaterial. It’s about respect
I’d be furious. I stay home too. You may not have a job, but spending that much money definitely affects you and your family. Would he have the same attitude if you changed something on the house?
i’d be mad as hell! being a housewife is a job! and marriage is a partnership even if one of you don’t work outside the home.
This is a hard one because I remember my husband going out and buying me a new car for my birthday and didn’t discuss it with me but yes I think he should have at least he was thinking about it and asked what you thought
It’s crazy to me that this is even a question. Marriage counseling is all I will say.
A $900 payment or any payment at all really is dumb no matter who works.
Relax and enjoy it. He’s paying for it. He must be able to do so
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That is just disrespectful in my opinion.
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Yes big purchases should be a mutual decision.
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What was the last trucks payment that he just paid off? Just asking
Itemize a list of your jobs and send him a bill!
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I would definitely be pissed.
Oh - definitely not alright. I would be so ticked off at him.
$900/mo is super excessive especially with a $10k down payment. I don’t think he looked at the APR %, and just went for the quickest, most impulsive deal. You guys sound like you’re usually responsible, so I am guessing you have good credit as well.
We bought a new truck with all the bells and whistles, and our payment isn’t even close to $900 
.
I think you are 
in your right to be the big mad. I would be. He should’ve put the $900 in savings or high dividend investments…
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I do not work, and honestly, I don’t care what my husband spends our money on. That being said…he would NEVER spend that amount of money without talking it over with me. That’s just a respect issue in my opinion. As long as our children are taken care of, bills all get paid, and we have the extra money, I don’t care what he buys
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Big decisions should always be discussed
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You have a real job! The house and family is a big job!
You DO have a job. You take care of the family and home, including him! He wouldn’t be able to afford that brand new truck if he had to pay people to do what you do, housekeeping, childcare, maid and laundry service, ECT. Yes, you should have been involved in that decision. I respect what you do, I tried it for a few months and almost went insane, lol
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My husband would walk right back in there and undo what he did or find a new family. 
Make sure hes the one that pays for it…
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At our home we discuss all major purchases
wouldn’t be very pretty.
I’ll be devils advocate here because from just this post there’s info missing.
How are they financially? Does he need a truck for work? What kind of vehicle did he have before? What kind of truck and deal did he get? Is that kind of payment in their budget? Does he have enough money to provide everything that the family needs? Is he neglecting any bills or necessities to have this loan? Does he spend any money on himself or does he spend everything on the family? Is he financially responsible on all other bills?
If he makes plenty of money, provides his family with everything they need and more, doesn’t spend cash on himself, is financially responsible, needs a truck for work or other things, and is able to easily budget this purchase, then no it shouldn’t be a big deal and she should lighten up.
My husband just bought a 2021 new truck put 10,000 down he would never not tell me we talked about it way before he bought it
“Ask” is a very strong word. Should he have asked you? No. Should you have discussed it as a couple and made a decision together? Absolutely.
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Without asking?? Whoa lady I’m sure he doesn’t need another mother. As a grown man, he shouldn’t have to ask anyone for anything!!
After you kill him, you can return it as long as it’s within 3 days.
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Do u look good in it ?
He has no respect for you so id leave. He can pay child support on top of his $900 a month car payments i bet he will regret it
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I always thought marrgie was 50/50 but after looking at people comments I glad I not married - You have 24)7 job so yeah he should had talk to you about .
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I think the answer is.
He’s paying for it. Can he afford the payment without other things struggling ? I mean if he can do it without it being an issue on your day to day lives and bills then i guess I wouldn’t be mad 
especially if you don’t contribute financially. Not being mean but as long as your house hold is still good then why let something bother you that makes him happy
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How the hell is it over $900 a month ???
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Kick his ass. Real job? You mean keeping little gremlins alive isn’t a real job? The day you got married was the day his money became your money. Screw that, he’d be sleeping in that new truck.
Ummm I would be pissed
Find a new husband. Yours sucks 
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Get a job earn your own money 
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Do I have a right to be upset that my husband bought a new truck without asking me?
Do not down play being a stay home mom it’s a blessing to be able to do that and I hate to hear women say they don’t work. You probably work 10 times harder than him. You have every right to be mad. Myself and my wife have shared a bank account for 29 years and always clear purchases through each other.
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It’s his money. I expect he worked hard for it. Just be grateful for what you’re got. Feelings are not a right. They are a choice. In this case being upset is a poor choice. But that is only my opinion based on my values. Others may have different ones.
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You don’t have a husband cause he treats you like nobody staying home and raising his kids and taking care of y’all’s home is harder than any outside job I’ve ever had he has no respect for you and doesn’t treat you like his wife I would be sad and wouldn’t want a partner like that
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I would be livid. Okay so he makes the money but you take care of the home and children. I believe regardless of who makes the money, big purchases should be discussed before hand.
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It’s not a straight case of would others be upset about it,. They know absolutely nothing about your financial situation. If you we’re sat there with mass amounts of money left over then I don’t see the problem in the slightest he’s worked for it … however if your pay check to pay check then it’s going to cause a problem so I would have an issue
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I just thibk his money do what he wants like your money do what u want now u go out and buy something without his permission which u don’t need anyway see how he feels
Taking care of a household and kids is an extremely hard job! Him buying a new truck and adding a hefty payment affects you too. You know I work in law and if you were to “charge” him for what you do to take care of him so he can work you’d be surprised at how much he would pay in a month for what you do…laundry, cooking, cleaning, childcare etc…don’t sell yourself short!
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Let the bashing begin. You can not blindly ask a question like this, with NO context… How many miles were on the truck.? Does the truck support his livelihood ? Is 10 grand a big number from your savings? Were there underlying problems with the old truck? Oh and what year is your car compared to his truck??? Keep looking for things to cause problems in a marriage, and I promise you will find them… JMO…
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Yeah, I’d be very upset. Communication is key 
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10k is a lot of money. You are raising the children… turn it around. Ask him how he would feel if you dropped 5k on a car without asking.
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Consideration is one thing that needs to be high priority in a marriage. Who does the house accounts? What would happen if you went out and purchased something big. Work out your wages house keeper, child care, driver, nurse, laundry, window washer,oven cleaner, lap dancer etc.
Was he saving up for a truck?
Are you guys behind in bills?
Is the payment way over the budget?
Is there food in the refrigerator you have a nice place to live are you and the kids are well taken care of does he do his part as a husband and a father are all the bills paid up to date the mortgage or rent is paid up to date just a little bit of extra money in the bank if you answered yes to these then I don’t see what your problem is if the down payment and the payments aren’t going to interfere with what has to be paid for the house then I don’t see the problem
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$900 payment after $10,000 down!!! What the hell did he buy and can he take it back?! I would be pissed! I would stop doing all you do for a couple days. He’ll see real quick how real your job is.
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What I would do is kick his arse to the kerb !
That is definitely something that should be discussed together. Youu have every right to be upset.
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U certainly do have a real job! And your married so that’s now your debt too. You definitely have a say!
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So story time lol my husband had a truck that was almost paid off and he wrecked it which was not his fault. He ended up getting the truck paid off plus $10,000 back. I said just get a slightly used truck and a little beater car for work. He went behind my back and got a used $40,000 diesel pick up truck. I was so pissed off it wasn’t even funny. Mind you I did work but we had just bought a house. So his truck payment never changed from his last truck BUT we had just bought a house with a 6 month old. We could have had less in bills. Well less then a month later the engine went out so $4000 to fix it. Another month later he wrecked it near the same spot due to a highway guy being pulled over with no lights at 12:00 am. ( Hubby worked night shift at the time). Totaled it and only got $2000 from insurance. So he wanted to go buy another truck. I said absolutely not. Your getting a little Honda Civic until you can save it for another truck.
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These people here saying she doesn’t have a real job” have any of you stayed home before??? Cooking, washing dishes all day, doing laundry, cleaning the house plus taking care of the kids? It may sounds easy but it is not!! Not because you have a “real” job that pays you, means that a stay at home mom don’t work!!. Stays at home moms do more work than any of you with “a real job” they do the “maid job”, “babysitting” “chef” laundromat services” every single day!! and on top of that they are a wife! If you think that’s nothing try paying someone to get those services done while you work your “real job”. -A stay home mom does it all for free! Without being appreciated!
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Any major purchases should always be discussed. It’s about respect for your partner.
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Wow that’s really bad to put you in debt that much and not discuss it first obviously he thinks he makes the money he makes the decision so wrong that’s not a relationship that’s I am the boss what I say goes sorry but he has no respect for you youvwork hard raising his children its a hard job I know ivraised my kids while my husband drove interstate its hard doing everything but my husband wouldn’t think of buying anything without seeing what I think then it’s decided he has no respect for you I am sorry but I couldn’t live with that
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Make a bill for everything you do then hand it to him ask if would like to pay someone for everything that you do already for free and then you can work and make money
Stay at home mom is a job it’s one of the hardest
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I’d be more mad that he got ripped off.
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I don’t even have that in savings and we both work full time. Sweet baby Jesus that’s a lot on a truck
If you don’t bring in an income or contribute financially, then no you don’t get a say.
However, he should give you a heads-up, at the very least.
Before you comment read the relevant portion of this post, which is the following.
“I get I don’t work and stay home with the kids and don’t contribute financially”
And I know the argument of “raising kids is her job”. That’s a false equivalence. Her parental responsibility, is not a job. She doesn’t contribute financially, then you don’t get a say. Until she pays a bill, rent/mortgage, puts food on the table, clothes on the family’s back, she doesn’t get a say.
Her husband provides for the family all by himself. If she got a job, since the husband can pay everything on his own already, her contribution would help pay for the day care. So she is not really saving him at all, by CHOOSING to stay home. Then & only then, since she would be financially contributing, would she be entitled to the financial decisions of the home, until then, it’s solely on the shoulders of her husband.
Read the comment carefully, because chances are, your argument has already been debunked by this comment.
Do not get butt hurt, and attempt to throw insults, because the only response you will get is, Facts don’t care about your feelings.
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Should he have asked you? No. But should he have discussed it with you? Yes, you’re in a relationship so I think all big spends should be discussed regardless of who earns the money. At the very least I think he should have told you, it’s not like it was a gift for you so needed to be a surprise.
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Yeah should have definitely been discussed.
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Seems like your inputs doesn’t matter to him
It’s called respect!!! Any big purchase should be discussed before hand. Flip this around and say the wife went out a got a brand new car without asking. I bet the husband would be pissed.
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Meh is ur name on the truck? Can you afford it and not be broke? If ur name isn’t on the truck it won’t affect your credit and ur not tied down to it and you can afford it without being broke- not a big deal
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Yes you do have a right to say you contribute. You cook as meals you raise his kids you keep his house clean you probably take care of the bills you take care of everything while he’s at work Yes I believe he should have talked with you about it and you do have a say in it
I had 2 children and another due in two months. I had no washer or dryer, and had to haul all the laundry to the laundrymat at least weekly. One week I drove my mom up north to see her ailing mother, bringing the children with me. When I got home, my husband had bought himself a motorcycle…and I still had no washer or dryer! I refused to ever ride on that thing and he knew I was royally pissed. One day he realized that when he went out for a ride, it would always rain on him! He swore I was a witch and had cast a spell on him. He finally sold the cycle and bought a washer and dryer with the proceeds!
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I am a stay at home mom too and I don’t have a PAYING job but I have a real job. Its called keeping my son alive healthy and thriving and keeping the house in order. My husband and I discuss all big purchases. I’d be absolutely passed if he came home with a new vehicle
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STAY AT HOME MOMS IS A FULL TIME JOB 
If I ever heard any man tell his girl that she doesn’t have a real job because she’s a stay at home mom, well I think I would snap:woman_shrugging:t2: you have EVERY say in any financial situation. Especially if you are married. I’ll be blunt, if that was my husband I would have gibbsed him across the forehead.
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I would take this as a warning that you need to get a job. You need to get a skill that you can earn income from. What your husband did was disrespectful and shows he doesn’t value what you do, your thoughts, or concerns. Please go out and get educated and find a skill that doesn’t make you dependent on your spouse or anyone else.
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My husband just buys whatever. I always said it was his money. We had 1 child for 13 years and now we are expecting number 4. Now we need a bigger car. I asked if it could be white. I asked for a mini van. And all I get all day long is pictures of larger suv’s. Because " I can tow stuff with a bigger suv ". I am use to it now. I didnt want the explorer we have now, he did. I just go with the flow. It’s sucks but it is a form of abuse. Financial and emotional abuse and verbal abuse.
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thats his problem. me, myself, i wouldnt care.
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Out of respect I ask my wife about all major purchases it only courtesy
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So at that payment I am guessing the truck was about a $55,000 truck (since he put $10,000 down and the formula for payments is usually $100 for every $5,000 borrowed). In today’s world that is actually a fairly normal new truck price. While I don’t think he over paid for the truck I do think he was completely inconsiderate for not discussing this major purchase with you. You guys should be a team. In our house we discuss all purchases over $500 just to be considerate of each other.
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