Communication is key! He should have most definitely mentioned it to you before purchasing anything. $700 a monthđ¤Śââď¸ Its a no from me! & defs aint worth being stuck in debt for. Hopefully he makes enough coin that it wont effect your guys life style.
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thatâs a big purchase but not to a point Iâd leave. Just let him know how you feel on him making big financial decisions and youâd like to stay in the loop on these decisions.
I think that he thinks that he was doing something good but this wasnât a good idea. It doesnât matter how much he makes; that $5,000 + $700 a month couldâve gone into a savings account especially with 4 children. They donât get cheaper as they get older.
Yes you have a right to be mad. Doesnât matter who works and who doesnât, legally that debt is yours too⌠He owed you the curtosey of a discussion.
My husband bought a boat without asking. 
Hell yes you have a right to be upset!!! You are working more than he does with 4 kids. I have been with my husband 7 years. I have been home the last 3 years when our second child was born because of the cost of child care. You are in a partnership. Things like big purchases need to be discussed.
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Yes you do. You both should be involved in these types of purchases simply because biblically you are one. It is not good for him to do that and not include you because what it says is that you are insignificant because you donât work. Also you didnât have four children alone. He had half in that so you should have half in some things too! Itâs not right. You should be included!!
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I guess it depends on your marriage. My husband and I have been together for 13 years. Heâs worked the whole time and Iâve worked off and on and currently not working. I take care of our youngest. When I worked he didnât tell me how to spend the money I worked for and I donât tell him how to spend his money he works for. We have our own personal bank accounts and we have one joint. All of the necessities are taken care of. So I feel like if he wants to go out and splurge on something and heâs willing to take on that extra responsibility alone, because I am not working right now to help him. I wouldnât be mad at him. BUT it all depends on your marriage and how yâall typically handle finances.
We agree on big purchases. I would be upset he did it all solo.
I personally think this boils down to lack of respect! Iâm a stay at home mom. I tell my husband if I plan to spend money on things outside of the normal. He does the same. We never really have issues as we can financially afford things. Iâd never not run things by him. But because he works hard I feel its respectful to do so. A car is a huge expense and that definitely needs to be a together decision.
He sounds like he was an asshole before even buying the new vehicle by reminding you he works and you donât. Itâs so much harder to take care of the family than it is to just work. I know Iâve done both. Maybe you should let him take care of the house, kids, and you like you do for him and you go back to work. Then maybe heâll realize how hard it is. Tell him youâll work and he can stay home with the kids or he can stop being an asshole. Itâs your choice whether or not you put up with or not. Buying something that expensive should be a joint decision like ALL important life or financial decisions when youâre married.
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is this a developing pattern for him ? then you need to discuss why itâs happining.
You guys are a team so you do have a right to be mad about itâŚmy hubby says he is buying a motorcycle in the month or 2!! Im furiousâŚwe both work but he has had no discussion whatsoever with meâŚi actually found out through a friend! Marriage is a team effortâŚyou staying at home is a job in itself and still is a big thing even if your not getting paid.
My husband did this but not for a new truck. Now we have a rule. Neither of us can buy anything over $50 without the otherâs approval. Married almost 45 years.
Iâd definitely be upset. Shouldâve consulted you as his wife. Whether hes the one working or not. You raise and take care of his kids.
Of course you work who woukd be looking after the children if you went to work?
How much would a cleaner cost?
Child care
Stop under valuing yourself. Start setting some ground rules he could lead the life he lives if you wasnt running the home and looking after the children. I donât suppose it stops 24/7 but he likes weekends and night off because he works!
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700 MORE. Wtf. Why would anyone agree to pay 700 a month ,but then MORE? Fking nuts. lol no thanks. Do you get to buy whatever u want?
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I guess he is taking you and him out on date.in new car. Kids this summer. 
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Boys and their toys. Smh
My husband and I have always talked over big purchases. We have separate accounts but itâs still OUR money regardless which account itâs in. I would be pissed.
My husband bought a car without telling me. A week after we discussed buying one, and decided we couldnât afford it, and the car payment ended up being double the amount we had discussed. Things like this happen pretty frequently. Investing in a new business. Buying things. Sometimes money just goes missing 𤡠I only have three kids, so I decided to just start working. Making my own money gives me peace of mind and a sense of control over my life. Itâs hard working while still momm-ing full time, but itâs worth it to me. I need to have my own source of income.
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I would be mad too just because you donât bring a income into the house all you do allows him to do what he does and he should have consulted with you about such a big purchase
I would be upset to.
I wouldnât be mad as he obviously works for that money . If you worked for it then you could spend it on whatever you see fit as he can heâs grown. To many women try to " parent" their partner. He knew you would find out about it so not like he was hiding it. Idk seems childish to me. Yes itâs a big purchase but itâs not like he wouldnât let you drive it as well??!? So itâs basically a family car. But hell whatever floats yâallâs boat 
Thereâs really alot more important things in the world to get upset about IMO đ¤ˇ
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If you want a say in finances, go to work. That way it evens up the playing field. How old are the kids. If theyâre school age, then school and aftercare so you can work. Preschool for younger ones. Any family who can help watch? His position is I make the money I do what I want with it.
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Ummm you work too⌠being at home with 4 kids isnât a vacation smh 
yes be mad.
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My husband and I also have 4 kids. I just recently went back to work because they are all school aged now, but even when it was just him working we always discussed big purchases. He will even ask before he buys a drink at the gas station. I tell him just to buy stuff, but he is not interested in dealing with bills or the bank so he checks with me to make sure we have the spending money. Itâs just a matter of respect to discuss finances before making a big purchase.
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Oh no no no!! Thatâs a huge no no. He doesnât respect you. Like at all. That should never happen. Every decision should be discussed in a marriage.
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You are at work being a SAHM is plenty work. Yes you should be mad not about the car but the fact he didnât even involve you in a decision that big. If you donât own your home it could have been an investment into a bigger house with more room.
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I would be furious!!!
Absolutely you should be mad!! My husband and I always said we would discuss anything that costs 500 or more! Cuz you can bet if he throws up in your face about ONLY he works then you know he will start bitching about spending too much money!!
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I would definitely be upset
With a payment that high I would be pissed too. If the payment was super low and it was a better car I wouldnât worry. But now that is $700 that could be used towards a vacation or something for the kids.
Iâd be annoyed at not being part of the decision, and also being told that I canât have a financial opinion because I donât work outside the home. Iâd get a job and make him pay half the daycare fees if thatâs how heâs going to roll.
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Unbelievably disrespectful. Hopefully u have a mortgaged home and not renting. What a shit show
I donât drive he brought one home. I shrugged and said⌠You work you drive it if you think we can do it I trust you. 
I just saw a divorce judge grant a SAHM like 17 years of back pay for housework, childcare and the like when the husband tried the ol âIâm the one who worked for itâ bit.
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So⌠my husband and I have completely separate finances. We each pitch in x amount for all of the joint responsibilities, (for both finance and care tasks), Both of us work, and we STILL discuss any purchases over a couple hundred dollars. We believe that marriage is a partnership. If your contribution is in the care task category, they have value, and so too should your input.
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Oh I would be livid. My husband and I donât even spend a few hundred dollars without consulting eachother. Upping our bills $700 a month and spending $5k would piss me right off. Its a responsibility and respect thing in my opinion. Its your responsibility to discuss openly about household finances with your significant other, no matter who works or stays home. In our house we work as a TEAM. We are equal and work together to keep our children and home safe and provided for. Again this is my personal opinion. I find it disrespectful that he wouldnât even mention it before making the purchase. smh
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Iâm sorry but I work a full job and a part time as well I still managed to take my kids to school and pick them up I get to do what ever I want with my money and donât have to ask my husband or anyone and when he purchased heâs sport car and truck I was happy for him he works hard for what he has and he deserves I believe to each itâs own
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Lololololololol been there done that. Ex husband bought a bike, 2 different vehicles, a boat, a 4wheeler⌠The list just goes on and on. Never once said a damn thing about getting any of it. Just would come home like surprise! Because I was the one taking care of making sure bills got paid and paid ON TIME. It never changed. Hell yes be mad if you want to be mad.
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Iâd be livid. You have every right to be upset. And you do work, you probably work harder than him even.
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Yea thatâs ridiculous. A HUGE purchase like that is a family decision. Whether you are bringing in money or not.
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Um absolutely. If he wants to spend money like heâs single, let his ass be single and pay child support and alimony on 4 kids and see how much money he has left to spend on new cars after that. Absolutely insane. You staying home and ânot workingâ is saving him a TON in daycare every month, so technically, you ARE working. You are working in child care. Put his ass in check.
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Iâd ask him who heâs trying to impress cause it sure isnât you
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Girl. He didnât get a new car. You did. Itâs fully loaded and I bet itâs an SRT. pretend to be mad at him and trade him cars. He gets the old one you get the Durango. Do it! Do it! Do it! 
congrats on your new car mama.
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Wow! Who is he out to impress without consulting his wifeâŚ
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Whether you work or not is irrelevant, a marriage is a partnership, and you should have still been included in it
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Tell him the car ainât going to look after the kids pay your Billâs or cook his dinner or fold his washing and see what he sez,
I see a boob job (or any type of upgrade you may want/need) in your future girl. Get his ass lol. He can have his shiney new douchebag Durango and you can get snatched and fabulous 
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Iâm mad just reading this. I see a new future for you. Itâs your choice how you want to handle it.
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Youâre MARRIED thatâs something that needs to be discussed PERIOD whether youâre working or not
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You work!!! Taking care if 4 kids and a home is work. Yes, he should of consulted you in such a large purchase and paymentâŚ$700 more is a lot and should require discussionâŚyou work just as hard!
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Lol, this happened to me many years ago he went to Menards to get wood supplies and came home with a truck. It became the family joke of donât send Don⌠I was in shock but heck we talked and said next time can we talk??? We are still our own person, and donât stifle that. love n light
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Why the hell do women stay with men/partners that put them down for being SAHMâs? If my partner ever spoke to me that way / belittled me in any type of way theyâd be finding a new partner. Have some damn respect.
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I would be mad but he works for it yeah it should be yâallâs money put together cause me and my husband talk about things and decide together he also gives me money cause I donât work he doesnât want me working he wants me taking care of the house and our 1 year old I would just talk to him and ask him next time to talk to you about it instead of doing it to see how yâall feel and come to a solution but now yâall have 2 vehicles one can be yours and one can be his and his could be the family vehicle since itâs bigger
Girl, you need to serve him a bill with dinner once a week. Childcare, cleaning, cooking, shopping. Show him what youâre worth!
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I hope this link works. It says SAHMs do the work of individuals whose combined annual salaries average $68,000-162,000 How Much Stay-at-Home Moms Should Get Paid | GOBankingRates
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I think you should sit down and write down what you do and how much it would cost if you were not doing it. Your worth is far more than a truck. Add the time and years of service and give it to him. I think that honesty is the best policy. Donât be upset just give it to him. Like a bill. He dosenât recognize your worth. It may wake him up.
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girl, if ur a SAHM with 4 kids, NEVER say u donât work bc u prolly work as much or MORE than moms with outside the home jobs amd careers!! u just donât get paid a wage!! as for the vehicle. to me its a respect thing. Im a nurse and my husband works making more $$ than I will ever make and even for the few months I was a SAHM, he has never made a purchase over $100 without at least running it by me (unless it was a Christmas, anniversary, bday gift for me) . large financial decisions should be made together no matter who brings home the paycheck. thats respect for your partner and marriage
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Yes! You do work. Being a Mom to 4 kids is one of the hardest jobs. You are a team and should make decisions together.
I traded in my van for a truck and didnât tell my husband. Granted, it was a lease van and it was either get new tires for a van Iâm about to turn in or buy a different car. I bought a truck instead. Couldnât pass up the deal I got. He was shocked but not mad. It is in my name and I pay the bill sođ¤ˇââď¸
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He should have talked to you about that.How would he like it if you turn around an started your own business out of the home.using the money that he yearns.without even talking to him about it.He would be pissed.I would do it anyway.You can be a stay at home mom an still make money.js.
First, youâre a SAHM. Thatâs work and itâs hard work! Second, I think Iâd be mad if the purchase and monthly payment had a really negative impact on our ability as a family to maintain our financial responsibilities. Iâd be annoyed that I didnât at least get a phone call to consult but I wouldnât be mad unless it messed big time with finances. Then Iâd probably lose my shit and send his ass back to the dealer like a child to return it bc he was irresponsible and impulsive. but if you can afford it then na. Iâd be more mad at the shady SAHM and âmyâ money comments. Those irked me to my core when my husband even joked about it. He may be working for money but itâs for his family.
Iâd be livid. In my home, we currently both work but I stayed home for a year. ALL big financial decisions are always made together and even most smaller ones are made with the other personâs knowledge. Itâs a respect thing for me
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Honestly I would leave him just for saying you donât work.
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What an ignorant partner. If it were me Iâd be insulted by that comment and leave his ass right then and there. You have children together, you are supposed to be a team, you act accordingly. It is not ok that he went behind your back and made such a huge decision without your input
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He seems like a douche.
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You are not a child but an equal partner in this marriage regardless who brings in an income. You have a right to your feelings and should be involved in all decision making. It obviously bothers you a great deal that youâre not considered or consulted. Dont put up with it. Lay down the law. Your responsibilities are extremely important and valuable and so are you.
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Wow. That is 100% unacceptable for a spouse to do without consulting the other.
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you guys are a team. idgaf if you work or not. your money is shared money regardless of who brings it in and he sounds like a complete asshole honestly, considering this whole you not being employed thing is such a theme for you guys. financial abuse is abuse.
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Of course you have the right to feel upset. You ALWAYS have the right to feel anyway you possibly do.
I feel like what youâre asking is âwas it wrong of him or notâ which isnât something anyone can really truly give you an honest answer for because every relationship and marriage is different. Some relationships, this would be ok. Others, it wouldnât. And some it would depend on a variety of circumstances.
Clearly he didnât think it was a big enough deal to consult you first. So maybe sit down and talk to him about the way youâre feeling.
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Its called respect! My husband knows he better ask before buying crap! Especially in these unknown times⌠Making big financial decisions isnât smart when you dont know how the economy is gonna be in a few months/years.
$700 more than the other car payment??? Sounds like he has some credit issues
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Iâd be pissed. Been married 13 years. Iâm a SAHM too. My husband and I discuss all finances. If itâs going to cost over $200, we talk about it.
Him just buying a vehicle like that sounds weird. Maybe a midlife crisis or something. Seek counseling if he does anything else that seems off.
Im stuck on $700 more? WTH?
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That should be a decision made by BOTH of you. You will be responsible for the vehicle if something happens to him. Doesnât sound like he considers you or your opinion at all.
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Holy freaking yikes 
A team means you guys are both okay with the outcome of a decision being made. If one of you isnât okay with it, its not balanced and thatâs not okay. This whole car issueâŚis not okay. Its not creating a situation where you two are both okay with the outcome. He is not thinking as a team member.
This is just my opinion if he can still suport the children then he can buy what he wants. Also there are many jobs now that yous can do online for sahm which gives you more financial freedom as well. So you can make your own purchases and finacially chip in the house hold. People telling you to split are people who have broken up families and just want others to break up too or they are from people who donât know how much more of mess things are aftrr you break the family up.
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I would be mad,its teamwork all the way
Uhh yeah I would be we have a 100 dollar rule anything more than 100 absolutely needs to be discussed and I am also a stay at home mom
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You do work and have a right to be upset; when youâre married youâre supposed to discuss financial decisions together and if he trash talks you staying home thatâs messed up cause if he had to pay for daycare or the gas it would take for you to work he wouldnât be able to get a new vehicle in the first place!
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You do work. 24/7/365 minimal breaks.
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Sounds like your husband is a narcissist. Constantly reminding you that you donât work even tho being a SAHM is a full time job you never get to clock out from. Making major purchases without consulting you even tho a marriage is a partnership, very toxic narcissistic behavior.
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Sure, you can feel upset about it. But it wonât change what he did. If he can afford payments, as well as, other finances I wouldnât even worry.
Why do people always ask if they have right to be upset about this or that. If you are upset about it then be true to yourself about how you feel and address it regardless of other peopleâs opinion. If you are upset about the car then yes you have the right to be upset. Someone else may not care, but you do. If your husband is texting âone of the boysâ girls at work and you donât like it then set your boundaries on what is okay with you. Only you can decide if you have the right to be upset. Just keep in mind that everyone also has the right to counter your feelings with their own and thatâs where communication is everything in relationships.
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You might be that couple that shares finances. You might be that couple that has separate bank accounts.
Either way, you should be very upset. He doesnât care about your opinion, he went and made this decision on his own.
Are the two of you super financially secure? He might get a pass that way, but itâs still irresponsible and he still didnât care to get your thoughts. Be very upset.
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You absolutely have a right to be upset, but he in no way sees you as his equal. He has made it clear by reminding you he feels he has the power. Iâd get to couples counseling ASAP so he can lose the power grip and become your partner.
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I would be livid. I would also not be with someone like that. Iâm a stay at home mom. My husband would not dare to treat me like that. Nor would he make Financial decisions without my approval.
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I would lose my mind! That is so irresponsible! Would he be upset if you just went and lit $10,000 (A guesstimate - $700 a month more x 12 + taxes and insurance) on fire in the driveway?
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Wow thatâs completely inconsiderate. I would be pissed. That just shows how little respect he has for you. Iâd just tell him your gonna go find a job and he can figure out daycare since he doesnât consider what you do important.
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Of course you have a right. All property is marital property, cash or otherwise. He should return it.
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Just remember, each child is a full time job, add you and your husbandâs needs, and that u are on call24/7 him working right hours a day, is nothing in comparison. With all that you do, he could never afford to pay what you are worth, and yes I believe he should have discussed the buying of a new car, with you, before he, just bought it.
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You can be upset but if you guys never had the conversation about discussing large purchases then oh well. Clearly he feels he is entitled to make the decisions concerning finances. Ten years is a long time to not have discussed that.
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We have a $50 rule, so any purchase over $50 gets mentioned to the other person around our house. I would be livid!! Thatâs very disrespectful and not how teammates operate.
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You do work⌠a lot, youâre just not financially compensated. Yes you have every right to be possess.
Get a job and get him to pay his part of the day care and handle half the house chores etc. You donât deserve to be treated like the bottom of the barrel.
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My husband and I combined our stimulus checks and bought a new car (well new to us) he asked for my opinion on 2 different cars I told him the one I liked and he liked the other one but we talked about it and weighed the pros and cons of both and we ended up going with the car I liked.
My soon to be ex husband did this as well as borrowing from all his 401k and taking out loans without my knowledge. Hence the soon to be ex. Honey you deserve better! Heâs probably hiding more than that unfortunately and I found out the hard way :â(
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