Whyyyyy??? Excuse my language but I’ll never fkn understand. Your underage daughter needs you now more than ever. She has a mental illness. Placement has been talked about? Be prepared for your daughter to cut you off.
My mom chose a man over me. It was the most heartbreaking thing ever and ruined our relationship. The fact that you even consider what you birthed compared to a man who’s ready to walk away is absolutely beyond me.
14 Likes
Kids come first. Always.
2 Likes
Your daughter should always come first-he sounds like a turd, maybe you dodged a bullet…
Well he needs to suck it up him he really loves you. We have been through hell for 2 years with my daughter. Extreme cases an all we are coming out the other side an my partner has been there by our sides. He tells me that he signed on for a family an just cause this has happened doesn’t mean he will give up. We are in it together.
If you have to come on the internet and ask a question like that, I feel so bad for your daughter and other children. No one, nothing, should ever come before your child, specially a damn man 🤦🏽♀ I’d need therapy too if you were my mother.
How is this even a question! You will Never have another her! Men ate a dime dozen Maybe more with these gas prices!!!
2 Likes
*** Note: if what I’m about to say isn’t your belief, that’s your right, but this is mine based on my own faith, the Bible & my second hand experiences I’ve heard & what I’ve witnessed personally! ***
If you’re a Christain, biblically you’re supposed to choose/prioritize your husband/your wife. You’re never, ever supposed to tolerate abuse/neglect of your child from ANYONE (spouse included,) outside of that standard your life partner comes first.
Unfortunately, people seem to commonly mistake this stance as suggesting people shouldn’t care for, love and protect your kids…not at all. It just comes down to major decisions/changes, day to day routines, finances things of the like…your spouse should have the top priority in consideration (as you are ideally acting as a team of adults to care for each other & your child(ren.)
I’d imagine that it’s a difficult place to be in, navigating breaking point tension and stress in your marriage…when a major contribution to those factors is your child, especially a minor that is still legally, ethically under your care. If your spouse chooses to leave your marriage/the household and abandon raising the kids with you, then understand you did nothing wrong, even biblically in choosing your kid at that point (as the spouse would have made themselves an ex and neglect/abuse of anyone domestically is unacceptable.)
God wouldn’t condone abuse or neglect, but some people have been told he does/will, or that is what they should do. I’m so sorry that you’re carrying such decisions and hope you and your family can find some peace and resolution soon.
6 Likes
I don’t give a damn about a man over my child! ever !!
shouldn’t even be an option.I don’t understand this even being a question.Plenty of single mother who have a hard time raising a child alone it can be done though…This makes me sad
You feel like you CAN choose between a life you created and a dude you met in middle school??? Give the “man” up and work on getting your daughter better. Clearly she doesn’t need her mom threatening to send her away while she’s mentally unstable.
1 Like
That’s fucked up. You ALWAYS chose your children, no matter what.
It shouldn’t even be a question… your kid should ALWAYS come first. You birthed that human being. You are responsible that they are on this planet. It is 110% NOT your child’s fault she is having a hard time. She did not choose to have these challenges. If that man does not love and accept your children as his own, he has no buisness telling you he loves you or wants to be a part of your family. Just my 2 cents 
2 Likes
He sounds like he has serious issues i’m sure he knew what he was signing up for before he got married sidenote is narcissistic people tend to really change their ways after marriage/wedding and you could spend a lifetime trying to accommodate his needs and it’s never gonna be enough anyway. I wouldn’t allow him to even make that choice I’d be like byeeee
1 Like
How is this even a question. Anyone that chooses their partner over their children should not be able to reproduce!
3 Likes
Ask a shrink, not strangers what to do.
4 Likes
She needs you, now, more than ever from what I read. Focus on your child.
1 Like
If placement is what’s best for your daughter because y’all aren’t equipped to take care of her, then that’s what’s best for her regardless of what he wants. If what’s best for her is remaining in your care, and he can’t handle that, then he isn’t the best fit for you. He’s not evil for not being able to handle the situation, and you’re not evil for wanting him to stay in your life. However, prioritizing your spouse is not to be confused for “kick your kid to the curb because your spouse is inconvenienced by them”.
7 Likes
The fact that you don’t know what to do might have something to do with what is wrong with her.
5 Likes
How it this a question! Children over anyone!!!
2 Likes
You choose your child
Lots of people not in her situation being awfully judgmental as a mother of a very difficult child I get it but also don’t know the level it’s at this is definitely something to explore in family therapy with people who know your situation and family
4 Likes
This can’t be a serious question???
Kids before anything.
1 Like
Have u tried talking to ur daughter to see what’s bothering her? And maybe remind ur husband he knew u was a package ‘in good times and bad’ this is the bad!!
2 Likes
Another post regarding children. Omg people shouldn’t be have kids
You say BUH BYE and take care of your daughter!
3 Likes
Always choose the daughter… I would drop any year marriage if I needed to for my kids. But that’s just me.
1 Like
Your suppose to put your husband 1st!
You have not been neglecting your children, you have been moving mountains to care for her and everyone.
Your child is acting up and trying to destroy your family
And With any other situation you are suppose to choose you children.
But this is a different case! And that one child is having many mental health issues one which is Oppositional Defiant Disorder, she is exploding and having crisis episodes and it has a lot with not being #1 and you having another baby pushed her over the edge.
I have 1st hand experience
My older children from my past relationship did this exact behavior and destroying my relationships
And we’re not able to destroy my current relationship and it all occurred right after my wedding this summer.
You need to save your relationship with your husband
And maintain the unity for the other kids you have and the one baby on the way.
You can still provide services for her and support her from afar.
Look into CPS and or boot camp taking over as your eldest needs a reality check and if you don’t provide this level of structure she will continue to behave this way and not be ready for society, ruin any relationships u may have in the future and poorly influencing your other children.
There’s no reason you are suppose to drop ur entire family unit. The help she needs you cannot personally provide her, professionals are needed at this point.
Take care of that baby that developing in you
That’s priority
5 Likes
Your child! In every and any situation.
2 Likes
It would be my child.
My children will always come first over anyone, including my husband/their father.
2 Likes
Your children come first they need you more than he does
3 Likes
Why the hell is this even a question ? What’s wrong with you that you would choose your husband over your child
4 Likes
Boot him TF out. He doesn’t come first. Period.
3 Likes
Always chose your child first!
3 Likes
If she’s on meds do the gene testing thing. It’ll show if the meds she’s on is right for her metabolism. I’ve heard this test worked wonders for people just knowing what meds will work for you.
1 Like
Where is her other parent? Is that an option?
Lots of judgemental responses, but parenting a child with special needs, especially behavior and mental health needs, is a huge challenge. Its stressful, isolated, and exhausting.
Get a support team in place. Respite, school counselors, mental health caseworkers, therapists, crisis management, etc.
"Leaving your husband " should only be on the table if you WANT it that way.
With a small child, and pregnant… its not always beneficial to discount the major role dad plays. Leaving the children without dad, disrupting everyone else’s routine, risking the financial security he contributes to, and quite possibly the health benefits he may carry, that she desperately needs for care and you need to care for yourself in pregnancy and post partum, the breathing room he offers helping while you recover, etc.
Maybe exploring out of home options for her is what is most healthy to meet EVERYONE’S needs.
8 Likes
If that’s a serious question, just hand over your parental rights…
3 Likes
Do you honestly think he will stay with you and care for you if you get sick? Throw the whole husband away. If he can’t handle this, he has no business being in a marriage.
6 Likes
Your children come first,if he cant handle it then move on
2 Likes
How would you feel if your daughter got to read this? Put your daughter first. If he can’t be supportive and stand by you with this, he isn’t worthy of being your husband. Period
2 Likes
I didn’t even read past the first sentence! Because that shouldn’t even be a option or a question you ask your self as a mother your daughter should ALWAYS come first regardless!!
1 Like
If he can’t handle his RESPONSIBILITIES then boy bye!!! I would never choose a man over my children!!
1 Like
Your kid, always your kid!
If he wants to leave then so be it. That is on him. This is not a choice for you to make.
1 Like
I would in most cases say you always take your child’s side. But in a situation like this it seems like your daughter needs more help then you can give her. Picking her over your husband isn’t going to change her behavior. And if you “pick” her and let your marriage fail it is actually doing MORE harm to your daughter. She is going to feel she won and she can make you do anything she wants. What is she going to do when the new baby gets “in the way” like your husband? She want you to sacrifice your relationship with all your children for her. NOTHING good will come out if you leaving your husband. She needs some intensive inpatient therapy and now before it’s wayyyy to late.
5 Likes
I think many are missing the point of how difficult it is to deal with child, let alone a teenager who has mental health type issues. Now, it doesn’t say what kind of issues she has. From my experience of working with teens in a psychiatric behavioral hospital as well as high risk teens that are runaways, etc; it could be very hard for a parent/parents/guardians to deal with. Considering that this mother is pregnant and has other children in the home to tend to, it’s not that easy to say “choose.” Even if her husband left today, it doesn’t negate that she still has a child who requires major attention. What the family needs is a safe, secure placement for the teen until she gets better. That will take a lil load off of everyone cause believe it or not, the other kids are feeling the pressure too rather they verbalize it or not and the stress isn’t good for the unborn child either. Now as far as the husband is concerned, men do handle things differently than women. We are more apt to take on more difficult tasks and maybe he doesn’t fully understand how to parent a child you has issues. Cause it seems these issues came along later. I’m hoping that this child isn’t acting out either cause she may not like that the mom is married to someone else. I’ve seen that side of children and teens before too. The one I feel most for is the mom cause she has to make a choice regardless rather it’s a choice between not having a husband or the choice between her children. Personally for me, I would want peace period cause what I’m not about to do is be stressed out especially in a delicate condition. I wish them all the best and hope it works out for everyone involved.
1 Like
Broooooo you choose your children every god damn time whats wrong with you? He’s not worth keeping 
Wtf is wrong with you!? You’re the reason the kids in therapy
1 Like
Wow!!! Is this really a question? You always chose your child over a man (if it’s not their father) your child is more important right now.
2 Likes
Always choose your daughter. I didn’t need to read past the first sentence.
1 Like
It’s hard enough dealing with a special needs child when the child is biologically your child. There are plenty of parents who have put children in placement because they have special needs. But it’s a different ballgame when the child is not “yours” and your “just a step dad” and they keep throwing it in your face that “your not my real dad”. There are a lot of people who are not equipped to handle a special needs child. Unless you are living in that families shoes you have absolutely NO idea how hard it is! And how many times a day you want to scream, and pull out your own hair, and how many mom’s cry themselves to sleep because they don’t know if they can keep do it, especially when you don’t have the help and support of a partner. There are times when “picking” the child and leaving your husband would actually do more harm then good to the child!
1 Like
Choose your daughter! Period! There I said it!
2 Likes
There’s NO choice!!!
1 Like
Why the fuck is this even a question?
You shouldn’t “have to” it should be automatic
CHILDREN COME FIRST
Never pick a man over ur kids sry not sry
1 Like
Choose your daughter and don’t look back. Things will be better as soon as you do!
2 Likes
Are you kidding me your child should come first always no matter what…I feelbad for the child that you would even consider that option
4 Likes
Choose your daughter
2 Likes
No matter what always choose your kids.!
2 Likes
Well choose your children not him, he’s not willing to be a dad to your children from a previous marriage then he really does need to go. Let your children see you put them first
2 Likes
I’ll always choose my kids NO matter what the situation is.
2 Likes
Until you live in her home I would suggest you not judge her so harshly. You don’t know what she’s been through. Praying you find the answes your looking for.
2 Likes
If it was a problem why did you guys even get married you can’t tell me this all started in 6 months.you should do what you got to for your kid kids come first
1 Like
I personally wouldn’t want to be with someone who could think like that. I don’t care if she’s not ‘blood’ shouldn’t he see her as his? Would he do this to your 4 year old? Just walk away because it’s easier?
If this was said in the heat of the moment and then he realized how dumb he sounds I would talk about it in therapy. But if this is ongoing… I really couldn’t see why you would want to be with someone who would make you feel like you have to choose between him and your child…
My eldest is from another man and my partner treats her as his own. If he EVER made me feel that way I would put him in his place.
My kids come first. Always.
Your daughter is clearly struggling right now and right now it’s so important that she has support and loved ones.
I hope things get better 
1 Like
Let him go he’s no man if he can’t handle life situations.
1 Like
I would NEVER choose anyone before my kids! You think she has issues now? Abandone her and see where she ends up! Trust me that’s the worse thing ever! She will probably decline more if and when he leaves! She will feel guilty and Abandoned by him! You need to step up and parent ALL your children even if he chooses to leave! That’s a him issues not her or you!
Alway’s your child if he cannot deal tell him to leave
Always, Always, Always, choose your child over anyone:bangbang:. They are your child and they have to be able to count on you above anyone else:bangbang:
Wow. What kind of a question is that? A REAL mom chooses her kid(s) not a man. Especially when the kid(s) are having issues. Maybe YOU, the so called “mom”, are the reason for some the girl’s issues!!! 
2 Likes
The fact it’s a question for you it seems like you’ve already made ur choice you’re just battling with morals…. You’re either going to be miserable because he left and resent her or happy he’s now happy but deal with a child who will hate you but you’re not silly so I’m guessing you thought about all that which leads us back to. It’s still a question for you… I would suggest you just do whatever you want to do because either way she’s going to suffer. As a mother myself. I don’t care how much I love a man. I chose my kids. But that’s my personal opinion 
Choose? See where therapy goes as a family. It appears the situation with daughter is severe and not personal. It’s tough and not his fault. But it is extremely hard to live with and take this responsibility Ask/talk with therapist. The two of you.
If you have not lived in her shoes don’t judge. The daughters situation was not started by him or them
You have to do what is BEST for your Daughter…
No way would I chose a partner over my own children. It wouldn’t even be a question I would have to think about…
4 Likes
I think the question you need to ask yourself is how would you feel your Mother chose a man over you? Shouldn’t even be a second thought!! Children don’t have a choice to pick their parents so be the best damn one you can be and that means you never ever choose them last…tf 
The fact that you’re even asking who you need to choose between… WOW. Do better.
5 Likes
Kids always ALWAYS come first 1000%. You are her mama and she needs you.
3 Likes
Get rid of the husband… Is that even a question 
4 Likes
…you’ve been discussing placing her to live with people other than you her mother because it would be easier for your husband. GIRL you ALWAYS pick your child over your man. Flat out end of story.
2 Likes
daughter was there before this guy. no brainer ???
3 Likes
Your children come first!!
2 Likes
Choose her hes already looking to get out!
2 Likes
Your child deserves better than this to even be a choice. YOU ARE HER MOTHER How can you even consider choosing anyone over your child?! She is 14!!! She is still a CHILD you are supposed to be a constant for her, this is not some 20 year old who has the capability of being self sufficient. I will never ever understand how you could carry her under your heart then raise her for 14 years just to choose some penis over her. That’s absolutely horrendous
1 Like
You’re a SHIT ASS ‘MOTHER’ (idk if you should be called that) for Having the audacity to even ask that!!
Wow. WOW. You sound just like my mom. Do your daughter a favor and go ahead and give up on her. The sooner you do the sooner she can heal from you. Better yet, send her to me. I will love her more thank you.
4 Likes
ALWAYS choose your children! That should NEVER be a question! 
Esa pregunta se contesta sin palabras,solo tu corazón te dirá lo q hacer,yo ni lo pensaría,mi hijo está antes q nada y q nadie,pero esa soy yo más madre q mujer,tú tendrás q ver cuál es tu esencia más predominante,q se recupere tu hija y ojo si lo eliges a él y el día de mañana se enferma otro de tus hijos o vos misma,se nota no tiene mucha fortaleza tu esposo
Wow…at this point I say put her in placement home …sounds like she might be more loved there.
Let him go. Your daughter comes first.
1 Like
Usually i cringe at all the “LEAVE HIM ASAP” type of comments, but on this? Its warrented
Choose your daughter!
How about the added stress all this is having on you and your unborn child??? let him leave if he can’t handle family life… Also I can’t even believe you are considering choosing anyone over your child never mind an unsupportive weak man like him
2 Likes
He’s kind of a piece of shit. So he gets to divorce and get off scot free from responsibilities and an unwell child and wants to leave you to deal with it alone? Fuck him
I would ask him to think about the vows he made not that long ago. It’s not like he didn’t know what he was getting into after seeing it for 5 years first. For better or for worse… right now, it’s worse…but you have no way of knowing what lies ahead. Life isn’t ever going to be all rainbows and sunshine. Tell him, i see your frustration. I see the stress. But imagine the stress your daughter, his step daughter is under here. She’s asking for help. She needs direction and understanding, not excuses and her father figure to bail because it just got hard. I’d also ask him why he’s so ready to bail, when you really need his support. Every storm eventually runs out of rain. All you need from him is to weather the storm. It’s ok to be stressed. What he needs is a healthy outlet to let that out. Walking out, isn’t going to fix it. That’s the selfish, easy way out. In 10 years, if this were one of the children you share biologically, would he still be walking away? Food for thought. Maybe he isn’t the man you thought he was.
2 Likes
You birthed her. I love my husband to death but my kids will also come first. Same goes for my husband. It’s a 2 way street!
1 Like
This is the most important time in your daughters life . You needs to be there supporting her . Pushing her off on someone else is gonna make situation worse . And my children would come before ANYONE
how is this even a question???
1 Like
I know it’s probably hard for you but obviously your daughter comes first, no matter how much you’re struggling with her you’re all that she has, and your children come first
4 Likes
I can’t believe a mother is asking this… I feel sorry for the child.
You are really wondering what’s best for you?? To choose a di** over your daughter? Well if you want to be a woman first choose him if you want to be a good mother choose your daughter ,it is that simple. Kids come before di***.
This shouldn’t even be a question! Pick your child!
1 Like
I personally would never choose another individual ,no matter how much I thought I loved them, over my child. There will be rough days and there will perhaps be even rougher days… Chose your daughter, she will never forget you were there for her when she gets older. Or chose your husband, she will also never forget, and from the sounds of her being in crisis, who knows what her outcome will be. Not to sound super harsh, but maybe looking for placement for your daughter isn’t the answer either. Wishing you well (and your daughter & husband too)
1 Like
Although this should go without having to be said. Pick your daughter. Period.