Kids and their mental health should be number 1
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How is this even a question?
The fact that you even question it, Iām not surprised your daughter has problems. Choose her. Give her all of your attention. She obviously needs you.
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Is this a serious question?? Wth
Wow. Idk why youāre even a parent. Thatās your child. Children come first always. And if he canāt understand that then let him leave. But the fact youāre even questioning it shows youāre part of the problem. She obviously has things that she needs to work through. You already explained that. And you saying placement was an option is probably why she is acting out. Because she feels like youāre choosing him over her. Which you are. You need to really evaluate yourself that child needs you. Not him. Heās a big boy.
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I understand that things may be difficult and overwhelming for him , but he should also be there to support you , thru such a difficult time where youāre prioritizing your daughter . Not to mention , trying to be there for him , as well as your other children , and anything else you may have going on . Heās honestly making things harder for you , and must be selfish & careless of your feelings not to care about the effect . If you want to give it a little more time and give him more chance , do so . But if he doesnāt come to the realization soon enough , rid yourself of the excess stress & negative emotions he is , or will be putting you thru .
Put your daughter first! Heās weak! Yall deserve a man who can handle the stressā¦ JMO
Choose your daughter. If he is entitled to make a decision that abandons her, you choose her.
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Ummm that shouldnāt even be a questionā¦children always come first!!! No man or woman should ever come before children
Your children ALWAYS come FIRST
If hes not strong enough to handle and support you then Iād be packing his bags you need strength and support, bringing up kids is terrifying and hard, you can find love again but your kids come first
You really shouldnāt get to choose. Sheās your 14yr old daughter. He needs to choose or you choose for him and leave his ass.
Your child is#1. Get help for you and your children first. They need you. Men are a dime a dozen.
Wow I wouldnāt even need to ask a question like this my kids would come firstš
When you decided to become a parent you promised a life long commitment to those children. They didnāt ask to be brought into this world. You brought them in and should ALWAYS have their best interests.
She obviously needs someone and who better than her mom!
Take care of your child. If he leaves thatās his choice you cannot make his choices for him. But you can make the choice to step up and help your daughter.
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The fact that you need to ask this show you should also be going to expert psychiatrist
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Your a mom. No question ask. You canāt possibly choose a man over your kids!!! Wow
If yāall been together five years he knew your child had problems when yāall met. It seems itās just an excuse to leave. How could you think of ever choosing any man over your child. What would your child think, was she always this way? maybe thereās an underlying issue with why she is acting out and you need to get rid of him.
You should always choose your child. Not sure why this is even a question?
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He knew what he was taking on when he married you , sorry but he would be out the door for even suggesting that he couldnāt cope, your kids will always be your kids but partners come and go 
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You can put your daughter first without damaging your relationship. Make supporting her YOUR number 1 priority. And his can be supporting YOU. He should have space from the situation. You are taking the right steps to get her help, but make sure you donāt over do it for his sake. Discuss boundaries with him. When she starts having outbursts, he has permission to leave or go into another room and not get involved, and then after you guide her through coping he can fill you back up.
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Choose ur daughter ur kids comes first
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Your daughter will always come first. Period. So shit got tough and he wants to jump ship? Hand him the anchor and kick his ass overboard
You need to tell your growing ass man child to ram it and concentrate on the mental health of your daughter. I think the fact that you are presenting this question will have a detrimental effect on her. If you have asked publicly then I imagine it is mentioned frequently in private?
I can agree with most people here saying your children come first. Yes, they do. Iām in your husbandās shoes right now. Please private message me so I can tell you my story and be a support system for you both!! Sending love 
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Your children are always first, over everyone no matter who they are. Choose your children. If he canāt handle it then he isnāt good for your children or you.
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Wow, clearly, no one making these comments have been through this situationā¦I HAVE!!! It is the most difficult thing Iāve ever experienced. We all had to separate from each other in order to heal and recover but are all back together now.
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Help your daughter boot the man duh 
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Your children should always come first over any one .
How is this a question? That poor baby 
(and Iām not referring to your husband)
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You choose your kid 
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Your child comes first you ding bat! I can see why she struggles!!
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Kids always first, he knew what he signed up for.
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Definitely your daughter needs YOU ALWAYS
I have a daughter from a previous marriage, who is now 17. She was 4 when her dad and I divorced. When I met my now husband. I told him straight up repeatedly " I want you to know, if Iām ever made to choose between you and my daughter I WILL CHOOSE HER EVERY TIME WITHOUT BLINKING." He has always known that truth. We have now been together 12 years, we have an 8 year old together. He loves my oldest like his own. However, It hasnāt always been easy and they havenāt always seen eye to eye, but he knows my kids are my heart and I wouldnāt choose to live a single day without them. I certainly would never choose a man over my daughters.
kids firstā¦ esp at that ageā¦ she will deal with a lifetime of abandonment issuesā¦ HELP HER!
So heās choosing to flake off bc times r rough?!..ya he really loves youā¦ya he really caresā¦pfft fāin joke. Your kid comes first. Divorce the a-hole yourself n be there for your daughterā¦āif your to much for him, tell him to go find lessāā¦he knew what he was signing up forā¦obviously got stressed n has been chatting or engaging with someone elseā¦bc all he wants to do is escape so let him, know your worth.
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Choose your daughter. always choose your children over anyone and everyone else.
I will always choose my children over anything. My hubby knows this. I chose to have them, I choose them every day. Tough spot though. Good luck
Is this a serious question!? What Mother would choose any guy over their daughter. That little girl needs you and both of you want to abandon her. How sad 
Everyone saying leave him but your about to have another child with him what about those children teenage girls donāt need to see you give up on a marriage just because there being difficult shows them they can get whatever they want by throwing tantrums thatās whatās wrong with teenagers I was one and got whatever I wanted by just telling my mom off cause she didnāt want to deal with me and I see that now stay strong your life matters two.teenagers donāt realize consequences for them or anyone else I left when I was 18 to work and realized the real world isnāt that nice but even tho my moms made mistakes I never thought she wouldnt be there for me in need.
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He got a package deal, and if he loves you for real, he will be supportiveā¦
Otherwise, its a selfish trait, I hope and pray you donāt stand forā¦
I donāt understand how this is a question. My personal opinion is he knew going in what your life would entail. Also, you SHOULDNāT have to choose. Heās your husband. That means āfor BETTER or WORSEā heās not holding up his end. Thatās his choice. Let him go. He doesnāt love you if heās asking you to give up on your child. If he did, he would being doing everything in his power to help you find a solution but like I said, thatās just my opinion. 
You. Should. Always. Choose. Your. Children.
You shouldnāt even have to think about it. Thatās a selfish ass man.
Daughter first! Sadly, kids who require a lot of āextraā things tends to break up families 
its very hard on a family. And itās especially harder on him because he isnāt her biological father. He tried to stay and make it work but it seems he truly cant handle it.
Tell him to choose. Your daughter comes with the package. You shouldnāt have to choose shit.
Any parent that puts their spouse above their child is lowlife garbage in my eyes. Donāt marry someone who isnāt ready to step up to the step parent plate. I canāt believe this is even a question.
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The fact that youāre even asking this question throws off so many red flags. I feel sorry for your daughter
Why would you even think about who too choose!? Thatās actually pretty disgusting of you
I wish I could say more about you but Iām not only because I donāt want too be reported.
What I will say is I would never choose any man over my own children!
But was she doing the same things before you and him got together sometimes kids will act out with new people in their parent life
āPlacement for herā?? She is your child. Not an inanimate object.
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What are you referring to as placement?
And how is this a question?
Iām not blaming you for your childs mental health, because I donāt know you or the situation. But I will say that in no way at all could this be helping.
If by placement, you mean foster care, then thats a huge issue! She needs YOU! Your husband doesnāt need you. He stepped in knowing that your children were part of the deal. And if he wants to end your marriage because your child is ātoo muchā, then you need to pack his mf bags for him! EFF THAT GUY! 20 years or not, means nothing. Your life long dedication is to your children, NO ONE ELSE!!! He may not always be your husband, but she will always be your daughter. Donāt give up on her. NEVER chose anyone over her. SHE NEEDS YOU!!!
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Ooooh, I honestly was mad reading this post.
Reading that your willing to have your daughter placed somewhere because yāall donāt want to deal with her?
Who in their right mind would choose a man over their child? I do NOT care if she has problems or not! He knew there was issues prior correct?
Iām sorry but if your willing to choose a man over your child no matter what issues they have then I donāt feel like you deserve any of your children!!
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No one should ever come above your child/children period
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Never put your husband before your kids. The kids come first and he knew what was going on when you guys got together. If he wants to leave then let him.
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Girl what? 
Not trying to judge you but my God thatās still your child at the end of the day. Familyās supposed to stick together even during the difficult times. Heās not ready for marriage if heās wanting to bail out because of hard times. Put your kids first, if he wants to leave let him. 
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Look if your having to write about choosing your husband over your daughter right there is a redflag. No mother should choose between the family she made or the husband she married. If he cant stay to help and support you and your daughter at any time then he needs to go. A man wouldnt do this to his pregnant wife. He would stick by her side through thick and thin the fact that he almost called off the wedding is another redflag. He can handle knocking you up but cant be man enough to handle a child who desperately needs help. Iām sorry but this post is ridiculous. A mother choosing between her child and a man come tf on. Not ok at all. I dont care if I get banned again im simply stating this is a b.s post cuz right there in the headline states what a bad mom you are for even thinking of such things like this.
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You choose your children. Period. That shouldnāt even be a question.
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Imagine how much that would mess up her as a child if her mom chose a man over her. I get itās hard. But you are her mom. Choose her every single day.
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Your daughter deserves better than someone having to ask if they should choose your husband or her. Maybe she can feel the resentment towards her, because I sure can even through this post.
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He needs to grow up. Family is Family and never should be left behind. You should never have to pick. But if it was me? Sorry but a motherās love is unconditionalā¦find a man who accepts all your children. Not just his. Package deal. Good times and bad.
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If you chose your husband where does that leave your daughter? Come on now this isnāt even a question your children ALWAYS comes first !! Coming from a parent that chose their husband over me ā¦is something I never healed fromā¦ Good luck I hope you make the right decisionā¦
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Why is this even a question? You are a poor excuse of a mother to even think that way.
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For everyone telling her who to choose and that sheās a horrible person for asking the question - maybe reread what she said.
Sheās not asking who to choose but rather are there other services or things she/they can do to try to help the situation and hopefully not have to āchooseā
Also, if placement is being discussed, itās usually because the needs of the child surpass the ability of the parents to meet their needs. So maybe donāt be so judgmental because you donāt know what this child needs or what is potentially best for her. From the post, they are investing a considerable amount to try to help her and it doesnāt seem to be enough. Likely, it is extremely stressful on everyone involved, including the child, both parents as well as the other siblings, have some compassion for other peopleās situations
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I unfortunately your kids come first. When I got in my relationship I have been in for 29 years I had a 1 year old and I told him if he couldnāt accept us both then we cant be together. Trust me my kids were hard to raise but he stuck with us for better or worse. If he cant handle it he is just making things worse.
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Iām sorry but choose between them? Are you absolutely mad?? Thatās your daughter. Grow tf up and be a mother
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I feel so sad for your daughter. It sounds like she has issues that she doesnāt have control over. Kids can feel things and I hate to think that your daughter may be feeling that you are giving up on her.
Your marriage is whole separate issue. If he canāt accept her as his own then why did he follow through with the marriage. He has been there since she was 10. He had plenty of time to walk away. And so did you.
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Sorry but anyone who needs to ask this question is a shit parent. Kids are priority. And this is a mum that had kids that are hard work and test my boundaries daily. My eldest have a narcissistic father who they havenāt seen in 3 years. They push their step dad to the fullest and never ever would either of us abandon them. Shame on both if you.
This honestly makes me want to puke, as someone who is, and has been raising her youngest niece and nephew for many years now due to her sister choosing men over themā¦yeah Iām gonna say, you absolutely choose your child! Was she like this before you got with him? Or after? Cause if he knew beforehand, then he jumped in knowing. If this is a recent/semi recent behavior(maybe started around the time you got with him), perhaps something else is going onā¦And yes, my mind absolutely went thereā¦I donāt care how long youāve known someone, you choose your children and make sure he isnāt abusing her in some way. 
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OPEN THE DOOR WIDEā¦ AND LET HIM LEAVEā¦ Cos clearly those vows meant nothing to him
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You always choose your child first. Every time.
You really need to think about this 
she obviously needs you more than ever.
Your her mother, you gave birth to her. Hands down your child first. Your job from the start is to love and protect your child. He knew what he was getting into before you got married, sounds more like a excuse to call it quits. I donāt mean to sound rude and judgemental but your children should always come first. What happens if you choose him over her and years down he road he decides heās leaving. Youāll never be able to fix the relationship between your child and yourself if you back burner her.
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Do not choose a man over your daughter!! That should be common sense! She already has issues, choosing him will just cause more.
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Okay i want to start by saying my daughter is the same way. Shes currently been inpatient now for 2 months and is waiting for residential home openings due to her unsafe behaviors to herself and to others. I laid everything out for my fiance before we even started dating. No matter how difficult she is she will ALWAYSSSSS come first. No man no person no body comes before my kids. And the fact that you seem to be even considering choosing one over the other is maddening. There is no choice. Kids always come first. Even difficult ones.
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This shouldnāt even be a question!!! You choose your daughter.
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That man is trash, always choose your children. Shouldnāt even be a question.
If your are forced to choose. Always choose your child!
Always choose your children!!! Your husband is a grown man and should be able to aid, not force you to out your child!
Daughter, each and every single day you chose your daughter
Why are you married to him? Hands down, always choose your kid over a dude. He sounds awful
Let him leave. When he married you he took your daughter and her issues on and basically saying he isnāt cut out to be dad. What happens when something like this happens to the child you have together? Will he leave then too?
This isnāt even a question or debate. Child always comes first. A real father figure understands that and stays thru it no matter how difficult it gets. He should never be inconsiderate enough to make you feel like u have to choose between him and ur own kid.
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Why is that a question lol no man will come between me and my kids. Even if itās there father. My kids come first even before me!
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Your daughter is already having problems & you are pregnant with another. This is going to cause more problems,
Donāt you think? Always your children, always!!
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Wowā¦ Some of these comments are so meanā¦ She just asked for advice, not to claw down her throat. You could have just said choose your daughterā¦ No man should come between a mother and childā¦
This mom is obviously in one hell of a stateā¦ Now people judge her, we donāt know her exact situation, every little detail of her life or struggles.
I agree that you always choose your child, but why put her downā¦
Iām sitting here just thinking, wowā¦ No wonder people rather keep quiet than ask for anything.
Throw rocks at meā¦ I really donāt careā¦
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Wow what kind of parent even asks this question?
It sounds like you are all getting help and making progress.
I would ask him what he would he feels like would be more effective? He might just need to feel empowered and like he has a say.
It sounds like ultimately you guys are in an uncomfortable position and have to trust the process.
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Your child always comes first!!!
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Sorry but he has to go from a child whoās mother always put whatever man was around first its very damaging to the children your child always first and foremost comes first he knew what he was signing up for when he married you so nope sorry throw the whole man out and be done and you do whatever it takes to get your daughter the help she needs if local placement isnāt available you look outside your town or city your number 1 job is always your kids no matter the problem or the issues im having a very hard time with my youngest right now and if my husband said this he would first be picking up his teeth then he would be grabbing his bags and thatās her dad nope even he wouldnāt allow me to do it either we are a family we fight our battles together he had 2 kids when we got together and I had to deal with a very bitter baby mama and lies and welfare calls and police calls it was insane but we fought through it together as one and we prevailed 20 years later here we are so maybe he needs to grow up a little and put this child and his children before his own wants and needs period
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Thereās no choice to be made here, she is your daughter that came before him. Show him the door and never open it back for him to walk in again. You donāt just throw your children a way because they have medical issues or are difficult.
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Umā¦this isnāt a question. He wants to walk, then let him walk. Choose your child(ren) every damn time. 
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Never choose a man over your children, the right man will stay through thick and thin and help everyway possible but children always come first
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Thatās an obviously choice. Your kids should always come first!!!
If he canāt handle the stress that often comes with a family and teens and wants to give up now then heās not marriage worthy and will run when his own start showing any issues tooā¦if someone wants to walk out your life let emā¦your first priority is always to your children period
Um yeah, you choose your child. Every time. Without doubt.
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You donāt make a choice. Itās both. You both entered this marriage and there is no choice to be made. If he wants to make a choice let him. Thatās on him. He canāt just decide that things are hard so he has to leave. Thatās a cop out and heās weak. If there is a choice to be made let him make it. You shouldnāt feel guilty for his choices.
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My children always come before my husband I know it shouldnāt be that way but it is
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Choose your daughter.100%.She needs you, and if he canāt take the strain, and youāve only been married 6 months, his heart clearly isnāt in this relationship. Children must always come first before any partner married or not. Sheās just a child and is hurting, and needs you to support her and get as much help as you possibly can. Hope she gets the help she needs and deserves 
.
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Placement for her is not available at this time, where?! Stick by your kid. She needs you so badly right now.
I donāt care how long youāve known your stupid husband for, your daughter is your daughter.
This post is gross.
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When he married you, he accepted your kids. Peace, ex husband. Be with someone who accepts all of you and your kids. Or be with no one at all.
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