QUESTION: Can A Relationship Last If Mom Is The Breadwinner?
"My boyfriend and I have been together for years, and he always paid for most of the bills and myself a small percentage. After I had our daughter, I started my own business and now make way more than he does, and it’s continually growing. Now we pay 50/50 on everything, and I have paid more on most occasions. The thing that bothers me is I am still in charge of the household chores and taking care of the baby. And I feel uncomfortable with the way our relationship dynamics is.
I’ve always wanted my partner to be equal or higher up financially because I believe the man should cover more of the bills just because the woman is naturally better at things he can’t do (i.e., cleaning, laundry, taking care of baby, etc.). I understand that there are relationships that are not the “traditional” dynamic, and I totally appreciate that - but I do believe there needs to be a balance in the dynamic. Not everything on one person. I’ve tried to encourage him to make more money (which he says he will) or help me more with the house/baby (that did not work out)…
I do love him, and he is a loving partner and father. But idk, if I see this working out in the long run. Thoughts?"
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Community Answers
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Hey, it’s 2021. Rigid gender roles are so passé. My daughter will always be the primary breadwinner and financial manager in her marriage, but he does the cooking, takes care of household stuff, is handy, and loves her intensely and unconditionally. We fully expect her to continue working while he will eventually become a stay at home dad. No complaints. Whatever works."
"Challenge your current belief system. Its wonderful your business is doing well, so what if you make more than him? And men can do household chores just as well as we can, once they learn how. You might lose a great guy if you don't start changing how you see male/female roles."
"You shouldn’t make him feel guilty, for not making as much money or more than you do. You guys can make a list of the bills and whose in charge of what and keep it that way. A relationship isn’t about who makes more or what not. That’s just ignorant."
"I used to do 100% of the housework and child care. then I started work too and now we do 50/50 and as a couple we are so much better and happier. we both feel appreciated and needed."
"Regardless of who makes more of the money, your child doesn't care who makes more money, the household chores should be shared, and so should the responsibility of looking after your child, I stay home with my 3 children and my partner works, I still expect him to come home and help care for the children, and do certain "chores" around the house, he makes the mess he can help clean the mess whether he's been to work or not."
"I personally want to be the bread winner. I plan on going back to school and will be making more then my boyfriend. Right now we are equal but we don’t have shared bills or live together or anything yet. I’m perfectly okay with making more money and knowing I have to pay more. All I want is for him to do what makes him happy. As long as he gives me what I need in a relationship(loving, caring, communication) then it doesn’t matter if I make more."
"It’s not necessarily about how much you make. Even if he made a ton he should still help around the house and with the kids. It’s not like working gets you off the hook for everything else. I mean it’s his house and his kids also. You guys are a team and should act like one. You need to ask yourself if he won’t help out with the family is this the relationship you want. And guys can clean and take care of children just as good as anyone else."
"I think money isn't so much an issue as helping do other things. For the most part, women usually handle the responsibility of children and housework. We just do. Habe another conversation with him about helping out more. Not just because you make more but because yall are partners and parents who BOTH are responsible for everything."
"If both partners work I feel they should both contribute equally to all aspects of the relationship including the bills, children and the chores. One sided relationships don't work."
"Please speak with your partner. Be open & honest about how you feel. But also be respectful & kind while stating your points. Always remember to not only listen, but try to comprehend his responses. Counseling may also help. But most of all PRAY ABOUT IT."
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