When someone shows you who they are, believe them. I’d this is not how you want your life to be, I’d this is not the model of healthy relationship you want for your child, get out
3 Likes
Something is not right. Maybe it’s time to move on
1 Like
Going by my experience, I’d say leave. It’s hard raising kids and harder when you have to try and make someone ‘engage’ when they clearly don’t give a shit.
It’s hard , and it is devastating, and you probably want to make it work for the child, believe me staying will eventually get harder and harder … and you will be teaching your child to treat you like garbage, like it happened to me.
I tried to make it work. Tried and tried , but he didn’t, and in the end it nearly killed me.
Do yourself a favour and forget him,
If he is not like my ex, and he truelly loves you, he will do something about it, and not just words. Words mean nothing. Do not back down and do not listen to lies.
Actions speak louder than anything.
You are not crazy, or paranoid, does he make you feel like that? If he does I strongly suggest … get the fuck out of there , you and your son deserve a life better than that.
You may even find another person to raise your child with you. I left it to late.
3 Likes
Ask him straight up. If no, move on. YOLO
2 Likes
I think you know the answer to these questions. Always listen to your gut. Always. Move on. Eight years is more than enough time to propose and walk down the aisle.
6 Likes
The question is why would you want to marry him ? You’re feeling unappreciated, unloved and unattractive to him!!
8 Likes
Test him, tell him you want to make a final commitment for the sake of your child, having a true family unit, and you believe marriage is sacred, and important for a couple to become a team working together for the childs healthy welfare& upbringing… See his reaction it will tell you how he feels about you. And your child
Marriage isn’t important.
How would you feel if you woke up tomorrow and he was dead?
Would his lack of a thank you mean so much?
3 Likes
If marriage is that important to you tell him. You know what u feel ask what he is thinking and also know that u might not like what he tells you.
1 Like
If you wrote this you already know what’s going on. 8 years?
They don’t change… kick him to the curb
1 Like
If it’s this way now, what makes you think it will change? It won’t. Sorry.
6 Likes
Are you sure YOU want to marry HIM?
5 Likes
The fact that you are even questioning it is a really bad sign. Try your best to change things in your part before it’s too late . You can’t change him but you can change you . That may work for him to see change amd he will come around . Or maybe it will give the final push for separation
1 Like
God does not bless a relationship that is lived in sin. Without God there is no hope in anything. All things must be God centered. Get out! Repent! Rebuild your life. Get healing from The Lord! You are worth so much more than what you are settling for! Learn about the stages of Love in relationships. Love does not develop backwards. Pray about it and ask God to show you. But, do not force anything! Just because someone says the words means nothing if actions are not there. Get away from him and let Jesus be your guide!
24 Likes
Sometimes we are speaking a different love language than our partners You do small things and offer verbal encouragement. He provides for your family and may believe you understand that that’s how he shows love. Or maybe not. Ultimately without having a clear patient and calm conversation you will not know. Kids change everything and parents have to make huge adjustments and work hard for their own relationship alongside parenthood. The biggest cause of divorce and separation is not money or a poor sex life, it’s failure to communicate. Time to get talking? Good luck
2 Likes
Everyone is saying leave. But everything has changed for him too… not just for the you. Maybe he is feeling inadequate?
Idk.
I’d give it a year. With counseling. The baby will be less needy, you guys will be more settled into your roles as parents.
Also, some people are okay with not getting married. If he decides he doesn’t want marriage then you’ll need to decide if you’ll be okay with that. If not then you need to move on.
4 Likes
Even if he does ask you to marry him, do you think he’ll change to be the the loving , considerate husband and father you and your children deserve? Doesn’t sound like he’s very vested in the relationship, you are just convenient to him.
14 Likes
The question should be do you want to be with him? Do you want to be with someone who doesn’t appreciate you, love you, show you affection, and consider your needs? If you marry him things likely won’t change and you’ll have a legal process to go through. Change is hard. Leaving someone you’ve been with forever is hard but you deserve happiness and for someone to show you love and affection. I know you’re probably worried about your son but do you want him to learn how to treat a woman based on how he sees you treated? You deserve better mama
198 Likes
Why would YOU want to marry HIM? He treats you so poorly, get out now before you are legally tied together!
368 Likes
Id like to hear from guys on how they feel after a woman (their woman) has a baby. Sometimes things change after that. Be glad you’re not married and can make that decision now. I say sit down and just ask him, if there is anything that has changed amd why you ask that question. Moving forward what does he see happening. Most of the time you cant change these types of behaviors. Goos luck. Id move out though… That’s me if he doesn’t give good reasoning
6 Likes
You need to talk to him. Ask him what’s going on. Ask him if that’s how he actually feels. Communication is key. It may be totally something opposite. You won’t know until you two sit and talk about it. Then you’ll have a better idea of what you want or need to do
25 Likes
Yes. Talk to him. Men have life pressures too. Just ask him if he’s ok and needs to talk while you listen with no judgement 
30 Likes
It’s the old story of free milk and a cow. He obviously would have married you if that was his intention. Sadly there is now a child in the mix. I’d say make plans now to amiably split and co parent the best way possible. Maybe he will wise up and put a ring on it but sadly most don’t.
46 Likes
Did you say you are currently maternity leave. Since the fist one or are you currently pregnant expecting 2nd one soon? Not a good situation! Do you work? Who is going to support you and two babies? Get professional help. If this continues he is free to look elsewhere and do as he pleases.
5 Likes
Actions speak louder than words, he’s not interested in marriage and probably not a relationship. Its in your own words he seems repulsed by you, if he treats you like that, once you are back to work, prepare to leave, and co parent and move on to someone who is ready to get married
120 Likes
I’m not saying leave him, but I think you need to really think about why you want to marry him. He doesn’t sound like he is giving you much love or affection , and not very involved in your day. Is it just for financial reasons, security? I would have a long hard look at what life will be with him in the long run, marriage or not. Love yourself enough to know what you deserve
6 Likes
Helping him is hurting you. Take marriage off the table for now. Find out what are your love languages are. He may be loving you the only way he knows how and not the way you need. Keep a journal for specific remembrances for discussion. Tell him how you feel. You do not need to be the only one fighting for the relationship. In the meantime, get yourself and keep yourself in order. Physically, mentally, and financially. Stay prayed up. Give yourself (not him) a time frame. If you still not happy, move on! Watch your self talk. Time is too precious to stay unhappy.
13 Likes
Why should he marry if you provide him all the comforts of home. You should have demanded marriage 8 years ago.
20 Likes
Tell him how you feel and if he continues to act the way he does then you’ll know what to do You and your son deserve to be loved and cared for and shown that you’re Significant other appreciates you Wishing you the best 
4 Likes
Nope… he’s got you exactly where he wants you without the commitment on his end… time to move on…
42 Likes
In general, men are not mind readers and they rarely notice subtle signs. You need to have a heart to heart. If you don’t say it out loud, he will never know anything is bothering you. If you aren’t speaking your truth, he will never know.
5 Likes
Take YOUR SON AND GET OUT RIGHT NOW!!! DON’T WAIT. DONT " PONDER" HIS ACTIONS…AS ACTIONS ARE SPEAKING QUITE LOUDLY. I think you already know what you have to do. Just do it. Before it’s too late and you end up IN COURT fighting for custody.
6 Likes
If he wanted to marry you he would have by now. Secondly why would you want to marry someone who doesn’t love or appreciate you. He doesn’t seem to value you. If you’re already doing it all you might as well do it without the extra burden of him.
4 Likes
He might marry you if you prepare to walk away…but it won’t be a good marriage. He clearly doesn’t value you or the family you’ve created.
8 Likes
Move on…you are worth so much more than being treated so unkind. Red Flags and gut feeling’s are telling you something, it’s hard and scary to start over, but make the decision, and start a new life for yourself.
16 Likes
In a word, no. People who are willing to live with you for several years without marrying you – even if you have the engagement ring – in the meantime do not really have “marriage” in their plans. Move on and stop ingratiating yourself to him. Don’t ask me how I know. He now has another outlet.
13 Likes
It should not take eight years and a child to decide if there should be a marriage. If he wanted to get married it would have happened by now. Get out while you can- he is hurting you and your self esteem.
6 Likes
There’s one way to find out…tell him you want out of this relationship because it’s going nowhere…!!
6 Likes
Dump him. Sounds like a self centered jerk. I thought my wife was the most beautiful person in the world during and after her pregnancy. I let her know it every chance I had.
9 Likes
Don’t stay for the baby. Don’t suffer and let your child see how a loveless relationship is accepted. Show your baby how they should be treated and loved. Move on momma.
6 Likes
Honestly things will never change. U get married n it will get worse. Believe me it happened to me.
5 Likes
Absolutely nothing will challenge a relationship like the first year after having a baby. Every fault in the relationship will seem huge and smooth out with time USUALLY. But I must say that if he planned on marrying you I think it would have happened by now. If it’s important to you, you must be clear with him about it and go from there. I also don’t think a forced marriage is good. If he doesn’t want to marry you on his own, without being urged, it’s not going to work.
7 Likes
Why would you want to marry him?
7 Likes
If he treats you like that, do you really want to marry him??
4 Likes
I think you answered your own question
12 Likes
Stop waiting for him to make decisions for you and the future of your child. Start making plans to take control of your life darling, life is short and the one thing you can’t buy more of is time. You’re missing out on meeting someone who can’t wait to be with you and hear about your day:heart:
.
4 Likes
Well if you follow through, get premarital counseling. Sounds like there are some preexisting problems that need to be worked on before marrying. After that, then decide if you want to marry.
4 Likes
Seems to be more of the story. How is it that you are still on maternity leave after 13 months? Possibly it was a typo? But I know after my last baby was born, my husband was very exhausted, stressed being the one working while I was off, etc. I’ll be honest, neither of us wanted sex, we were too tired. You definitely need to have a night alone, get someone trusted to watch the baby, have a nice dinner, doesn’t have to be expensive, and talk.
4 Likes
You need a sit down with this man. An honest discussion about your feelings for one another and your future together.
3 Likes
My mom always said “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free!”
5 Likes
If you do say something and he agrees to marry you, you will probably always wonder if he wanted to. I know it’s hard to move on, but please consider it.
3 Likes
He has pretty much shown you how he feels and putting a ring on it won’t change anything…get out while you still have only one child to raise on your own…my advice and my opinion going on what you have stated.Good luck !
1 Like
Sounds like something you should talk to him about. Express your feelings and ask him how he feels. If he wants to stay then let him know you need more attention and affection from him. It’s possible he doesn’t realize what he’s been doing (or hasn’t been doing). Basically, communicate your concerns to him. We don’t know what’s going on with him. Neither do you till you ask.
2 Likes
I don’t want to bust your bubble, but he doesn’t seem to be interested in marriage at all right now. There aren’t any encouraging signs. Perhaps you should start planning your future (and baby’s) now without him. Find a decent, kind man
3 Likes
Why do you need to get married? I’ve been married for 38 years and believe me, it’s way overrated! Stay single and enjoy your independence. He can still be a dad to your son.
2 Likes
Doesn’t want to marry you. He would have done that already if he had wanted to. Your best bet is preparing for the possibility that he will leave at some point. Make sure that you have your own money so that you can be financially independent.
20 Likes
Sounds like he’s happy the way things are now. Set up a time limit and stick to it.
2 Likes
Like the saying goes can’t have his cake and eat it too…If ur going to give it out why bother?
Not trying to be mean but if he can have it his way he never will…
4 Likes
Ask him straight out if he loves you, and if he wants to be a family, if not. Move on, don’t waste your life, life is to short. Go find the right man for You.
3 Likes
Run Forest, Run! No he will not change. Get child support set up court ordered and start fresh. HE WILL NOT CHANGE
3 Likes
Coming frim experience and counseling he will not change! You need to leave to have a better relationship with yourself . and your baby . I know it’s hard but believe me you deserve so much better !
You both should get couples counseling to help your relationship. This will help you decide if the relationship has a chance, or if you need to end it.
1 Like
You need to realize your worth, even if he doesn’t! You’re in charge of your happiness! Tell him your thoughts, wants and needs, if he is willing to listen and give you those things, give it a bit, you’ll see soon enough if he’s really willing to change for the better. If not, leave before you waste another day on someone who will not be able to give you what you deserve. It will be tough, but all good things take work, patience and Perseverance. Be your childrens example and stay strong and God bless!
Don’t marry anyone that treats you poorly! If he doesn’t worship the ground you walk on he’s not worth it. If he doesn’t give you attention freely and lovingly then he’s no good, leave him behind and find a real man!
I want to know why you would want to marry someone like this? Love is shown by the actions and deeds of a person. Is this behavior loving to you? Marriage is hard enough and divorce is never easy – I hope you will do what is best for all three of you, especially your son.
Better to be single than to get married and feel unloved and raising kids. Once married, things become way more difficult i.e. divorce court child custody etc.
1 Like
He may be going through post natal depression, men too experience that in the event of a new baby, especially his first baby. All sorts of thoughts may be going through his mind. This is when fear and panic sets in. These things could temporarily affect the way he feels about or treats you, try talking to him.
Get a job and support yourself and your son. Take as much as you can to help transitioning away. I don’t see him marrying you. You don’t need him.
2 Likes
I’m so sorry sweetheart! You deserve better than how he is treating you. Ask yourself if this is really how you want to live and raise your baby. If he hasn’t changed in this long,nor the arrival of his child then he never will.
What is wrong with you??? He’s checked out a long time ago. Eight years and no proposal!!! You should have walked a long time ago. Pack up your baby and leave. You are wasting your life. It would be twice as bad if you got married. You need to have more self respect and raise your standards. Get out and make a life for yourself and your baby. You don’t need the baggage!! You can do this!!!
1 Like
I’m just going to tell you, pack your bags and start over. He’s not showing your or your child any respect. Make sure you get that child support. Don’t let him off the hook
1 Like
If he treats you so very poorly rn, WHY would you want to marry that?
No one here can answer any of your questions. Only way you can get an answer is talking with him.
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!! And he’s actions say he doesnt want marriage. Maybe something is bothering him and he doesnt want to try address it’s because that’s men. But if yall can sit down and have an honest open ADULT conversation, than leave. It wont get better if yall cant talk
If he treats you this way now he’s not going to treat you any better later.
2 Likes
Marrying won’t change the situation you are in. And it won’t make him see you any differently. Please remind yourself that you deserve to be loved and cherished. I think you may know the truth in your heart. Don’t let the fear of change keep you in a loveless relationship
Men sometimes lose touch once you’re mom🙈 they think you’re off limits or something so you have to remind him you’re a woman too n that you recognize both of yalls needs n MAKE TIME FOR IT it gets hard after baby.
1 Like
LEAVE…
Run like the wind! Thank God he showed this to you! Trust your instincts! You already know the answer…
In my view, if you continue to live with this man your life of misery will begin to multiply. Take your son and leave after you get counsel from a lawyer.
1 Like
Having a toddler is so much work and so much pressure. People deal with pressure differently. I would encourage you to keep an open mind and TALK TO HIM. He may be so consumed in his stress he hasn’t opened his eyes to see yours. If you communicate how you’re feeling, try to put forth the effort to help him get through his feelings, and your efforts go ignored then I would consider what’s best for myself and my baby.
I am so sorry for what you are going through, but the both of you need to talk to each other. If he is not willing, then talk to a good friend, a counselor or your parents and make a plan for your life and child. You have to remember that you are teaching your baby, and your baby will watch everything you and the father are doing and that is not the kind of love you want your child to learn. Happy Mothers Day ⚘
The question you need to ask yourself is why would you want to marry someone who obviously doesn’t know your worth? On top of that you are already giving him all the benefits of being in a marriage without requiring him to marry you.
1 Like
I just walked away from a toxic 9 year marriage, a paper doesn’t change anything, he basically has shown you all the signs of not wanting the relationship…walk away now …because as your son gets older he is going to see how his father treats you and see your unhappiness
Put your son and yourself first…prayers and best wishes 
1 Like
It surely doesn’t sound like HE wants to marry you, regardless of your feelings in the matter. If I am correct, there has to be some change. If I am wrong, he needs to show that by his actions (which by the description don’t sound respectful or loving toward you). BTW your post doesn’t seem crazy or paranoid.
1 Like
I’m sorry but in my experience he’s moved on!
I do think the best advice I’ve read is communicate how you feel, see how the conversation goes from his end and make your decision.
Best of wishes for you and your child/children.
Maybe just talk to him, he probably doesnt know how you are feeling, but a good honest calm talk should clarify things, ask him to be honest…I hope the best for you, happy mothersday…
----WTH would you ‘want’ to marry him??? Things won’t get any better. Why put yourself and your kids through that? (and you sure don’t want them to grow up acting like him. Get away—Good luck----
1 Like
If a guy wants you, he’ll ask you. For years my friend always made excuses for this dude. Well he’s just shy or he afraid of getting hurt… nope she should have moved on. He wasn’t interested.
Perhaps tell him it’s time to set a date to get married. No excuses no stalling. Time to set a date or reevaluate the relationship. Pretty sure hes going to want to reevaluate being in a relationship. It sounds like he didnt expect you to get pregnant again with how little hes had sex with you. I tend to think hes having sex just not with you. Put it to him in a way that forces him to show his hand.
You made the mistake of giving him everything for free. Many have as well. You had a baby before marriage too which doesn’t help things. The most important thing is the child to be with his parents. You are asking your question to the wrong people, ask him!
My heart aches for you and I hope he is willing to work on your relationship. You just focus on what you can change which is you
Your wasting your time…get someone new…if you question it…it isnt for you. I spent years trying to fit a man in a mold that he would never fit and gave him the prime years of my life…don’t do the same…now i am with a wonderful man who treats me and my 2 children(not his) very well
These are unsurprising changes a couple might experience after having a baby. Just because it is common obviously does not mean it is healthy or good for the relationship. Open communication is key to getting the relationship back on track. If you feel like you cannot do that without fighting, or getting hurt a lot, it might be a good idea to seek counseling. I personally do not advocate seeking marriage to try to fix a relationship that is struggling. Rather find ways to work on the relationship and when you can find yourselves on firmer footing then seek marriage to celebrate your accomplishments and the growth you have achieved together. I might add that I think that chances are your partner is experiencing some very real struggles with the changes in lifestyle that have come with having a baby. They may not be aware of the struggles you are perceiving in the relationship. I am a reader, I would suggest both you and your partner read or re read if you have already read, the 5 love languages. It may not apply to you and your situation entirely, but it is useful for framing and thinking about approaching relationships in another way.
1 Like
So sorry for your situation. Move on! This man does not deserve you! Things will not get better… only worse. You deserve better.
1 Like
It sounds to me like you know the answer. Never stay with someone who can’t reciprocate. It sounds very one sided. I think you need to move on you deserve better!!!
1 Like
Frist, before marriage you both need to communicate to one another. If there is no communication, it won’t work. You have a child, by him, and both need to talk. I would tell him how you feel, tell him it’s hurting you inside, but let him know that you love him. You need to know what is going on. I would ask him why he hasn’t been affectionate to you, that you feel lonely inside, because something doesn’t feel right. You don’t really know if something else is going on with him. he could be worried about anything… Is he working a lot, he could be stressed out. The only way to know is to talk to him. I know women who have children and wait 10 years before they marry, or longer. I would not do anything until you talk to him, You need to communicate with him. Praying for you both, that things will work out.
1 Like
Listen don’t waste your time with someone that does not treat you good. You can only live your life once and can’t go back. Do it so you have no regrets later in life. Be happy
1 Like
The question is, why are you still with a person who obviously has no intention of marrying you? Maybe not getting married to him is what you really want BUT you are frightened about letting go and moving on with your life?
Read your post. You know the answer an what you need to do. What may have started as love has deteriorated to taking you for granted, disrespect, using and taking advantage of you. Dont stay with him. If he was your soulmate you would already be married an would not be feeling this way. You may miss the love of your life wasting time on a man who is not as invested in the relationship as you are.
You have a common law marriage should have never shacked up with him
2 Likes
Don’t make the mistake of marriage. Separate and make him do child support. U need someone who loves u totally. I don’t know how old ur are but 8 times of love making is not enough
1 Like
Move on before your child even has memories of living with him. If you wait until later the trauma on your child will be worse. Now the kid isn’t old enough to know what is happening. Make it an adventure for your child like something fun a new place etc.