no. no. and no…What are you teaching your kids? Is this the relationship you want for them? Yikes! you deserve better.
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Better question is why would you want to marry someone that gives you that much to question about, if you don’t stand up for yourself and don’t except anything less the what you feel you need, nothing will change if you settle for less less is what you will get and as your son grows he will see how his dad acts to you and in turn will think thats ok
Most of all don’t manipulate , Contact with his child is a given even if you separate. You will be connected through the child regardless of whether you live together or not. Be honest , if marriage isn’t what he wants then let him go. Never marry for the child , it will make the house miserable. Be honest for the child and all will benefit eventually.
Oh, get the hell outta Dodge. If he treats you like that without a ring, it’s for darn sure it won’t get better with one.
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I would follow my gut. Sounds like you already know this is not a good relationship. Make a co parenting plan. Keep things amiable and move on. It will be a relief for you both. Don’t put your child through a painful, bitter divorce years down the line.
No seriously be what he wants. Stop thinking about what he can do for you and keep doing whats best for your family. As a mother, you are not always going to get a thank you or recognition for what you did. Men have a different way of showing appreciation then what women think they should. But also you arent giving me a lot to go on. The dating world is scary as hell. Im so lucky I found my husband but it took me so many crooks to get there. If you understand that he is a good man then don’t leave him.
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Walk away, he’s not worth you losing your self esteem.
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You and he need to sit down and have a good long conversation about what you want and what’s not going right for each of you and how each of you feel about honesty respect and marriage.
Don’t get married unless you are on the same page and want the same things together in your future.
A baby is not a reason to get married. AND be cautious NOT to get pregnant again.
God bless you and your family.
And honestly if he changes his mind AFTER you leave or say you’re done, be cautious. Some guys will “change” to keep a good thing not intending to change for the long run. So take your time when he “changes”
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You are not easy or paranoid you are just realizing that you made a mistake. You played house with him and he got every thing that a wife would give without the commitment, now he is bored and want something else. Since he has not made a commitment to you he feels that he is free and you don’t have the right to try to restrict him. You are the one with the baby, he can walk away free as a bird you have to struggle with a child, you had the child, it’s yours turn him loose and learn a valuable lesson.
If he wanted marriage he would have brought it up. Do you really want to marry a guy that doesn’t appreciate you?
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Sometimes it takes something bad to happen to change things. Why would someone change unless they know they need too. God works all things together for our good. Ask him what it is. Dont stay in that because you want it. Ask God what to do.
Question should be “why would you want to marry him???” Ugh…get out while you and your child are still young. Go enjoy your life with your kiddo, quit worrying about him changing…change YOU!!
If you marry him, prepare to be miserable the rest of your life. Life should be enjoyed. Live it with a smile and with someone who can keep that smile on your face. Otherwise live alone with your child.
Have an honest conversation. My husband and I’s (boyfriend at the time) sex life changed substantially after we had our daughter and I had similar thoughts that he didn’t want me. Instead of bringing it up, I just assumed the worst and we started arguing a lot. After a HUGE blowout we had a honest conversation, and it turned out he was extremely stressed by his job and our transition to parents. We started being more intentional about our relationship, and talking about the things that were bothering us. Now our daughter is 6, we’re Celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary, and we’re happier than ever
Eight Years is more than enough time to make a decision. As a matter of fact it’s probably 5-1/2 years to waste on this guy. Go find someone that will appreciate you and want to take care of you.
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Your child deserves to have two parents that love each other. You deserve to have someone who loves you as much as you love them. Eight years is more than long enough to be together without him loving you enough to marry you. Leave while you can and find the man God has waiting for you and your child.
We have been together for 10 years now, but neither of us is willing to remarry. We have a will staying the other is the benefinany. We both have grown kids but not together.
You need to Love yourself! You sound amazing and deserve the best! You deserve for someone to treat you with the respect and love you deserve. Instead of asking others what they think, ask yourself, what do I want out of life? Don’t settle for anything less! 
Sure talk to him and if he cannot decide after 8years and a child (or two) kick his ass to the door. Or at the very least use birth control.
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Ask yourself why would you allow ANYONE to treat you like that? By you staying and letting him do that to you makes it ok for him to treat you like crap.
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No he’s never going to change or merry you take ur babies as soon as you can put some money back so when you leave you can take care of them u can still take him to court for child support even if ur not married to him and if you get a good lawyer they may can get u alimony
Please seek couples counseling. Or sit down with him and discuss your feelings and how things can be made right.
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Seriously ppl she doesn’t need to leave him they just need to talk both of them are new parents and that’s a big deal he is not used to having a baby that needs attention now he isn’t getting all her attention communication is key they need to have a serious chat and counselling and maybe work in their relashionship
Don’t allow him to think this behavior is ok by not addressing it. Ask for and seek change or leave. Don’t put yourself on a sales rack either. You are full price and then some.
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Ask him first what’s going on and what you can do as a couple to improve your relationship, and then listen. Maybe it’s salvageable but if not, it’s time to move on.
Girl if you dont get that head and that bread then leave 
… time to move on…8 years you better marry by year 5?! or I wasted my time and ima charge him for inconvenience fee 
Seems he’s using you for his wants only… doesn’t seem to really love you…get away from him… find someone that truly loves you & respects you…
If he wanted to marry you he would. Don’t waste your life with a man not willing to commit to you. Talk to him and let him know either marry you or you are leaving. My mom did that with my stepdad and they married right after because he knew he did not want to live without her and they have been married now about 22 years. He is treating you that way because you are allowing him too.
Why should he marry you. He has everything he wants and doesn’t have to come up with any commitment; he can walk whenever he wants to. This is a man’s dream and you are left with a baby to raise.
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But think about it from his side. You are not the same person as you were 2 years ago. Your post says you are on maternity leave. And the child is 13 months. Stay at home mom is cool but thats not who you were before. Our personality does change when we change. Maybe he liked you better as an equal instead of a dependent.
Just my opinion. Could totally be wrong. But just do remember there are always 2 sides. And you did ask for comments.
Good luck either way
Stop complaining to start. If yr not happy and you feel it’s a toxic atmosphere for you and yr child. Well, change it!
I been with my guy going on 10 years and same situation and no it doesn’t change we been engaged so long I told him I no longer want to marry him
After 8 years together, he is not interested in getting married. You are allowing him to bring down your
self esteem. Have a talk with him
about your situation. But really look
at the way he is treating you now.
Marriage won’t change him. You
and your child deserve better.
You answered your own question. If your spidey sense is going off believe it! He grown enough to try and lock you down for 8 yrs have a baby than he should be mature enough to know how to treat you. your giving him way more of you than him to you. chapter closed. And for all omg just talk to him give me efn break dont tag me in none of yall b.s. I said what I said. so carry on!
Communication is key…he may not realize all that you do…in his mind you may sit home and have it easy while he busts his ass and pays all the bills. Babies tend to change things in a relationship. Me and my husband come home from work and the last thing on our minds is sex…after a tired stressful day I know at times I just don’t want to be bothered period!! Add a crying baby to the mix! You need to have a conversation on his day off…!!!
Well seems to me like he’s fell out of love with you , I’m 63 yrs old , it’s not hard 2 figure a man out . Move on .
so many wait for things to change, it won’t. it will probably get worse if you marry him. i know its hard, but you need to get out while you are young, having his kids won’t matter to him as much as it does to you, and you can’t make him change, i know, because i tried for thirty years, and finally gave up, don’t give him thirty years, or even anymore of your years
If he doesn’t show much interest in you now then he certainly won’t if you married him…he’s not worth the effort - move on
No one can give you this answer but I will say you need to put baby to sleep and have a heart to heart talk as to how you feeling forget the marriage certificate
Your living conditions n gonna change with a piece of paper
Sit down tell him you need him to hear you n that you wish that he be very honest with you in regards how he really feels. You have a whole life ahead of you why waste any more time with some if the case that might want out
If this is the case put yr big panties on move forward with yr child.
Look for your happiness
But p ok ease have the talk first
Why did it take 8 years and no marriage? Why would you want to marry him after being treated like dirt? Why keep bringing children into such an unhappy situation? A good mother puts her children first. Stop the poor me, put the children first and run as fast as you can.
I was in a similar situation and no he probably isn’t going to marry you. I would take my child and get out before it’s too late and he does anymore damage to your self esteem.
Some men are actually jealous when a new baby comes into the household. Maybe you should think of what else you can do to please him. But, in my humble opinion, after this long and no marriage, I’d dump him like a hot potato. And see a lawyer about what support monetary wise you could expect to get.
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Don’t even consider marriage until, there is a change on his part, therapy might help, good luck
Eight years? If he wanted to marry you it would have happened already.
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If someone is on the line about marriage - promises but no desire to fulfill that promise - this is a person who has no intention of making this a permanent relationship. The desire is to get the benefits of both types of relationship without real commitment. My mother used to say, why buy the cow when the milk is free? And there are many cows out there willing to be sucked in.
Why do you even ask the question??? Seems you have answered it yourself!!!
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You should be more concerned about what Jesus thinks about u having children with a Man U are not married to. Life on this earth is very short but Heaven and Hell are eternal. Ask Jesus to be your Lord and Savior and he will give you guidance to make the right decision. God Bless
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No, sorry, save yourself and move on for your well being and your son.
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If you have been together 8 years and he hasn’t married you he is not interested. If you gave him a son and he didn’t seal the deal. He is not interested. If you just started dating and he treated you this way would you want yo marry him? Don’t think of it as time wasted. You have learned a lot. Think of it as an education. You now know what to look for in a real man. In my experience men say they DON’T want to get married. Then they get to know you and very quickly want to guarantee you are theirs by marrying you. I’ve had 4 men propose in less than 3 years. Oh, and don’t be what you aren’t to win a man. It’s okay to true to be a better self but not try to be what they think they want. Always be honest. You don’t have to tell them everything but don’t lie.
Get a job. Move out. Build a life. If he does not want to be part of it fine. It will tell you everything you need to know. When you are ready don’t rush, ask friends to set you up with good men. And don’t worry about having a child . I know a lot of men who have married women with children and been wonderful husband’s and dads. You want a man who doesn’t “overlook” your parenthood but respects it. And don’t talk about your ex. Nobody wants to know. When the new man is ready he will ask and you can be as honest as you want.
While you are waiting make a list of all the things you didn’t like with the ex. Also make a list of what you would like in a husband. My list included a man who made me feel safe like I had someone to protect me. I found him after I was ready to date again. I’m deliriously happy but sad I ‘wasted’ 33 years on an ex-husband. Good luck, dear. Take a deep breath and start a new happy life.
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He will not change his behavior because he is married. Thats not how it works.
You already know the answer. If you forced his hand, it wouldn’t get better. It may get worse. You need to take your future out of his hands and into your hands.
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Just remember, they get old and need you to take care of them. Is this someone that deserves that kind of love and care and would he care for you? If the answer is “No” then you have some decisions to make.
Honestly coming from a guy confront him or stop doing everything into you get a thank you remember relationships are a two way street
Get out of the relationship now. My daughter is married with no kids and her husband acts the exact same way!
Time To move on. If doesn’t acknowledge your hard work now, marriage won’t make a bit of difference. Find a new man
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Ive been with my bf of four years. He stated from the gate he did not want to get married. I want to get married again someday. Right now im ok with it but eventually that may change. You should be communicating with him. No one is a mind reader. Tell him how hes making you feel. Use “I” statements so he dosent feel attacked. He may be so tired from working and having a baby does change things so he may not realize his actions are affecting you. If you bring it up in a clear manner and he blows you off. Id say that you need to decide if this what you really want.
For all the “talk to him” it does not take 8 yrs to finish a simple convo. you in or out? and making a whole human?? and you acting funny. Remember you are in control of your life not him. dont ask him sh@# cause he already answered with his actions! stay woke!
Honestly, having kiddos is a lot of work. And some men don’t know how to show love and affection because things are so different and he has his hands full with work and you with all the other stuff. You both have a lot on your plate, but, don’t make things all about your baby. Get a baby sitter from time to time and get intimate again. My now husband was the same way. He was really overwhelmed at first. Stop listening to all these other people about why would you marry someone like that and bla bla bla. MEN HAVE FEELINGS TOO!!! talk to your spouse about this. Communication is key. Speak up for yourself and tell him how you feel. Otherwise how is he supposed to know?
Have you talked with him? In any relationship the main thing is called COMMUNICATION. If ya’ll are not talking to each other then it’s time, if not, time to run.
You can try talking to him about it. Perhaps something is bothering him and he isn’t sure how to talk about it. Maybe you are right or maybe it is something else. Sounds like you have some communication problems to work on either way. Probably a good idea to take care of that before getting married baby together or not.
Rather than getting other people’s/ women’s idea, why not talk to your man, don’t let somebody else mess up what you have!
If he wanted to marry you he would have, he’s had years. He won’t change regardless of conversation. Get out now.
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Why would you want to marry someone who makes you feel that way…but to answer your question. No. If he wanted to marry you he would have done it by now. Quit wasting your time. I wasted 6 years with someone and found the courage to leave. NOW I am happily married to the love of my life.
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This would have been a great thing to sort out before you had a child together.
Don’t marry him. If he is acting this way now, he is not going to change. Try what you can to get away and be on your own.
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How he is treating you now is how he will continue to treat you. If you want to stay in a relationship that is one sided …that is a choice you must make. Look at yourself…Dont you deserve better? He will not change unless he has a real heart change. Love is not just an emotional response…it is an action. A demonstration of commitment and caring.
To stay together for the sake of the child will not work. You have to put yourself first in order to do what is best for your son. This man, the father of your child is treating you this way because he’s not man enough to let you know he
doesn’t want a life or commitment with you and he’s going to make you be the one to walk away. Do it, walk away, get yourself emotionally healthy so you can be the best mother you can be for your son. You deserve much better than anything he could possibly offer you. It’s hard and it will hurt, but you’ll be glad you moved on. Best wishes for you and your son.
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Where is your self respect?? Evidently you have none. He’s not marrying you darlin, get that through your head. You’ve been used and played my dear, but you’re in the same sinking boat like so many others-you demand no respect and you get even less. They have their fun, put a baby in your belly and move on, they want no responsibility toward you or any child they make. Start demanding a ring on your finger, a walk down the aisle before kids are even thought about, the word is NO. NO, you’re not getting it, I’m demanding more for myself and any child I have. You subject these poor little kids to a life of welfare and poverty. Wake up, pleeeeeze. You break my heart to see it.
I have a better question. With all that is going on do you still want to marry him? He is not going to get better after marriage. Actually he will probably get even worse.
You need to ask yourself, do I want to Marry him, if yes, you have what he’s being and saying I’ll settle for this treatment for life?
You should think twice about marriage. He will treat you worse as years go bye. Get away from him now and concentrate on your son.
If he hasn’t asked you to marry him yet after eight years…the writing is on the wall!
He doesn’t see you as a sexual being he now sees you as a mother and some men can’t handle the change
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Sit down and ask him? Every relationship evolves and changes. Are your parents still living? Do you have siblings? In some states even if hes on the birth certificate, unless there is a marriage, he has no legal rights, unless deemed by court action, to your son. Your focus needs to be your child. If hes not interested in marrige, thats fine. You need a plan in olace should anything happen to you. What happens to your son? Your parents, at this point, are your legal next of kin. They decide what happens to you, should you not be able to make decisions for yourself. Then your siblings would be next. Marriage, when you have children first is more than about you. Best suggestion, sot down with him. If you’re not comfortable talking with him about it, then frankly hes nit the man for you.
My grandmother always told me why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free basically he’s getting everything he would from marriage without a commitment this is why we are suppose to marry first then enter into a physical relationship
The more important question is why would you want to marry a man who treats you the way you’ve described? I’m thinking you’re more fortunate you’re not married. Go to therapy. Work through the why and know your worth.
Speak with him about your needs. There seems to be a lack of communication. Men tend to settle into complacency and don’t realize that their complacency turns into neglect. Prayers.
Get out now so your child is free from that environment and that his mom is strong person
Time will not change him. You need to be happy. It’s hard to leave after 8 years, but you have to think of yourself. After 18 years and 3 kids I did.
My husband’s love language is different than the norm. You know in your heart if he loves you. Communication is key. I struggled with wanting marriage for awhile. We got married after 9 years. On the other hand, you KNOW how your body feels. My intuition speaks louder than I can run my mouth.
If he is treating you badly now, it will not get any better. Get out now and make a better life for you and your child. You both deserve better.
Ask him if he’s ok , listen to what he says. Give it a few days then talk to him again and tell him how you feel. Listen to his response. . Ask him if the 2 of you can work on those issues he mentioned and the ones you mentioned. Listen and you’ll know your answer😢
I m sorry but this could go along for years. You need to decide if you deserve a better quality of life and does your baby deserve a mother who is loved and appreciated. 100% of your feeling of self worth and contentment will be transferred to your baby.
Sounds to me like he already has someone else picked out if after 8 years he still doesn’t want marriage. Sounds like he doesn’t want marriage at all
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Dump this man because he is so unkind to you. There are plenty of good men who will love you.
If he was any kind of a man he would never make you wonder
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Why have you waited 13 mo to ask this question. Or better yet. Why 8 years. You need to have a serious cinversation with this man and ask if he wants to be a part of your life. Your sex life is another matter. Are you crazy… if he isnt getting it at home, then where is he getting it? You seriously need to have a talk with him. You give very little info. What was he like before baby? Is he feeling left out? How have you changed? So Many different factors. Is he stressed with income changes. Bottom line. The 2 if you need to communicate.
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Men think differently. Perhaps he shows his appreciation for you by qorking his tail off and affording you the opportunity to stay home. He could be just plain too tired for sex. Is he intimate? Hug you at night, ir snuggle a bit? Intimacy isn’t just sex. When my husband works in the garage on oyr vehicles, i make it a point to go out and help in some way. Getting tools, bringing him something to drink or a snack. Ive made it a point to learn some of his ways…he wants his tools clean before they get put away. I’m not always certain where they go, so i may wipe them off with a rag and out them on his bench. I sweep up, or even just sit and chit chat. When my kids were little I’d take them out too…
Have a sit down talk with him… civil discussion. No animosity in any way. If he is reasonable man tell him to lay it on the line, although his actions don’t show much… Bring this thing to a head if you really think it may work… so far, too many red flags. You have child by him… by the way- how does he react with the baby? Finish this chapter one way or the other… good luck!
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See if he’s open to couples counciling. If not, he’s probably not going to change. However, relationships wax and wane over time. Maybe you need a weekend away from baby to bring your sex life back to action.
Pack up everything and the child and run do not walk to the door and never look back. You do not deserve this. Find some one that appreciates and shows you that he loves you.
A friend Dated a man for several years in College. When she graduated she sat down and told him . I care deeply for you. I also don’t intend to date for ever. Think about it carefully and either marry me or say thanks for the good times , good bye. Then they separated for a week or two. He had been against marriage because he had seen too many failed marriages. When he called her after a week or two , he proposed , they have been happily married over 25 years.
The take away: First get employed ( end maternity leave) and on your own feet , then let him know what you want and let him decide what he wants. Be prepared to go if marriage is not his desire and you need it. Also think hard, do you want to be treated as you have been treated for the rest of your life? Marriage doesn’t change people, it won’t make him more loving or appreciative. Some people are better as fathers than husbands. Letting go of the part that doesn’t work frees you both to work out a better relationship( one that may not have you two as lovers ,only friends)
This is the talk YOU need to have with HIM.
Who really cares what “we” think.
You have to live with it.
Run! But if it sucks more than it is good,when you can escape and find a good man. People do not change!
I am going to say you need to talk to him about these issues. Its the only way you’re going to get the real answers but I am going to say what a lot of people have said 8 years with or without a kid is a long time to date and not even be engaged. Honestly men don’t sit on what they want for that long. Its not even about money if he really wanted to marry you he would have made it happen by now.
No honey he does not want to marry you. He uses you for the basic in life. It’s not fair to you or your son. You both deserve better. Don’t cut yourself short. If you marry him nothing got him changed. You’ll still be used. Don’t for a minute in marrying him your life would be better. It will not get better. You want and need more than he is willing to give. I hope you find someone who will love you and your baby. But he’s not it.
maybe if you move on it will shake him up a little and he will realize you might not wait around forever.
Lot of men want to be first in your eyes and when babies come along they love the babies but still want all that attention they got from their wife . Find a family member who will watch your child for a weekend and give hubby some individual attention .
I say get out while you can - you cannot want him enough to make him want you, as sad as that is.
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