I think you are talking to the wrong people. You cannot do this on your own but Facebook advice is not a good resource for strong relationship building. Find a counselor that can help you sort things out. Actually, not a bad idea to start couples counseling because go or stay you share a child.
I would honestly just talk to him, let him know what’s on your mind and how it’s affecting you. Sometimes we start thinking the worst. Just tell him how you feel. Or write it down if it’s easier for you that way. I wish you the best 
It’s time to go and don’t be sad you’ll do great on your own and someday the right person may come along or you may have to learn you’re own happy.
I live with a guy for 8 yrs and was engaged then on valentine’s day I found a valentine card from another girl
He finally told me he was seeing someone else and I donno how long.
It was very hard on me cause I really trusted him and loved him with all my heart
Things changed I meet my husband a year after me and my ex broke up and got married 2 yrs later and still married over 25 yrs
I think you should move on
Well you allow it. Leave for a while and he will miss you or he wont but you will get your answer either way.
Why would you want to marry someone who is so indifferent to you?
2 Likes
I would run the other way! Marriage won’t change him; it will only make him worse.
He treats you like crap ( and that’s a good word,), I would basically say if he ain’t considering stepping up to the plate by now, he ain’t gonna, get child support and move on to a man who loves you and appreciates you, move on darin, take it from someone who had experienced this
Honestly …he already has allll the benefits of a wife and never had to actually marry you and I’m sure he has zero intentions on ever popping the question ! Time to maybe move on !
I’m not sure what to tell you but I was in your situation 1 time without the baby but engaged to be married like you. I was with him for seven years and like you we talked about getting married but nothing ever came about no date or nothing. I later found out he was cheating on me with a girl that he had wanted when she was 14 but her mom said no so later he found out she had divorced her husband and beat a path to her door like a bat outta hell but still stayed with me and used me when she wasn’t available. We eventually split but to me it was good that I dodged that bullet so if he’s doin all that to you that you say he is then maybe it’s best you dodge yours too.
a good example for your child? why not move on when it’s obvious he doesn’t care.
If you’ve been together 8 years and aren’t married yet but do have a child I’d say that he’s taking you for granted. There’s a saying: why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. It might be time for you to move on. I don’t even like saying this but is they’re a possibility he’s cheating on you?
I would be prepared to give him an choice. After eight years and now a child, we get married for a commitment or he can go find another place to live. If he can’t and you won’t, then don’t ask for advice. You must like how you are being used and mentally abused. You are worth respect, love, companionship, support for your child and well being. Don’t compromise. Your life and your child’s life are at stake.
1 Like
Ask him not us. I learned a long time ago you can not beat around the bush with a guy . I been married 23 years and you will have ups and downs in you relationship but I would talk to him not us
Y’all are so negative on this page lol men have needs too, and I’m not saying she’s doing anything wrong, it sounds like maybe they need to communicate more. And if it doesn’t work out then bail, don’t be a door mat. But she can fight for it if she wants to.
What you have seen is only the tip of the iceberg. Marry him and you will see the rest. It’s not pretty. Trust me . i
They won’t change sadly. Might as well move on and find someone who will show you love and appreciation.
Nope dont do it. Your basically a mom substitute!! If he dont treasure you or treat you with respect and desire you he never will!! Why would you dedicate your life love and commitment to someone who treats you that way?
Why you wanna marry someone that seems repulsed by you?
2 Likes
I’m in the same boat, sister. I’ve been with my fiancé for 11 years. Every time i bring up something wedding related, he changes the subject. I go to cuddle with him when i get home from work, he just rolls over. We haven’t been intimate in months.
If you honestly want to stay with him then you guys need to work on your relationship to bring you closer together. Have sex everyday for a full month, plan to watch a movie together and cuddle on the couch every night. Become attached back together. Learn what both your guys LOVE LANGUAGES are and start rebuilding off that. If you truly believe your relationship is over try counseling first. People are so quick to breaking up at least try first. What I read was he doesnt appreciate you enough, every day you both need to sit down together and say 1 thing you appreciate about eachother.
1 Like
If you have to ask the answer is no, he will never change and you’ll spend the rest of your life miserable. Leave him.
Id get out before you end up pregnant again.
This man is definitely not a keeper. You are worth so much more!
1 Like
I feel like you know him more than anyone else. I think you’ve been with him for a reason children can definitely put a strain in the relationship. I saw it with my parents I was 16 and my mom had a baby she’s now 7 and I’m 22 I think you should ask him if he wants to marry you and really think about his response. If you don’t like the way he felt about the question that should definitely be a red flag because that’s a life long commitment and if he doesn’t see you or your son like that your waisting your time but even more honestly men are just sometimes clueless and they don’t know how your feeling unless you tell them and if they cared they would definitely help you out and show you that they love you but I am also young so I’m just sharing what I’ve been through I hope you figure it out I do think people can change and if not some man out there will appreciate everything you do.
It was 9 yrs before my husband asked me to marry him, there was plenty going on prior to that, and we got it together turned our lives around… and then came the part when he couldn’t have sex with me, and honestly I was feeling the same thing, we talk, and came to the understanding that it was a God thing… we’d never felt the conviction until we came to Christ. Long story shorter we set a date, and have been together more than 26 yrs.
Don’t ever marry a man thinking you can change him or things will change. Most likely won’t happen.
You don’t seem to be getting much out of this relationship except for your babies. The “old fashioned” way was the best way.
He is comfortable with the way things are now, if he wasn’t he would change them. I don’t mean to hurt your feelings darling cuz apparently you’ve been hurt long enough but why buy the cow when he already gets the milk for free.
No !!! My Dad always said " Why buy the cow if the milk is Free." Why would you get pregnant after 8 years under these circumstances? Sex may continue to be a problem since the baby wasn’t planned and agreed on. Was he faithful, supportive, and always home on time during the pregnancy…probably Not.
But him behind you. Walk out and begin a more happier and fulfilling life. You already have the dest of him in your child. Move on
My best advice would be leave. If it takes 8 years for a commitment he will either end of settling and regretting it for a really long time or leave you. Alot of times a child can make a relationship worse. Idk what he was like before your son was born but if he is treating you like crap he is setting a horrible example for his child. Better to get out while you can and find yourself someone who will treat you like the queen you are.
Mans side, he maybe just overwhelmed overworked and under appreciated at work, have an honest calm discussion about, but if you lose your cool he will take it as an attack. If he gets upset and tries to put it back on you, then your suspicion is most likely warranted
This happens a lot whether people are married or not. Did the change come about after the baby was born, or was he already like that? Men can have post partum depression, too.
Bigger question, why would you settle to be with someone who is disrespectful and unappreciative towards you. You deserve better even if you think you don’t.
If things haven’t changed in 8 years what makes you think they will change in the next eight. Dump him.
If he is not getting sex from you he’s probably getting it from someone else and if he is treating you that way how would it be if he married you my suggestion is think about all the things that you want out of life if he does not meet your Criteria MoveOn because how he treats you now is how he will treat you later or worse
My question is: Did he ever tell you he wanted children and why did you have a child without walking down the isle?
1 Like
I hope you see through him. If he is this way ask him if he loves you and why he treats you this way. You have a child, try to save your relationship. Get counseling for yours and the baby’s sake. Then you’ve done all you can.
I went threw this and I found out he was cheating on me I thought I was crazy but the whole time it was him
If you have to question your relationship and where you stand with him, you shouldn’t be in said relationship
1 Like
You will never be able to find your forever love if you’re with a man who treats you poorly.
The question should really be… do you still want to marry him?
1 Like
You either want to make it work and talk to your partner about your feelings, or you don’t 
guys dont see things like women do, he could seriously not have a freaking clue! Just talk to him
I waited almost 13 years for a man to marry me after being proposed to in our first year together. When I look back, I realized that he never really wanted to. Sure, for at least the first seven years or so he didn’t want to lose me but he never intended to marry me. He was comfortable and I didn’t want to be alone. If the subject of marriage came up it was always a short conversation. He was a taker and I was a giver. Neither of us was the “bad” or “good” person, we simply weren’t meant to be. The last six years were a downward slide. I tried to hold on when I should have let go and he grew complacent, disengaged, and in the end completely disrespectful. I became fearful, desperate, and distant all at the same time. He took advantage as long as it suited him and I allowed it to happen. In my soul I knew he was cheating and I did nothing because I had compromised everything even my moral core and self-respect. Could I have done something differently to change the outcome? Perhaps. We talked about everything, he was my friend, but we didn’t talk about the most important things - - our thoughts, feelings, and direction. My body language said I wasn’t engaged anymore and he was just looking for someone new to take my place. We finally crumbled to dust after almost 14 years. So many red flags I ignored and missed because I wanted it to be. I should have never let it get to seven years, much less 14. My point is, do some soul searching. Why are you with him? Do you love HIM? What about Him do you love? And most importantly, are you IN love with him? Now, after that go ask him those questions. Open a line of communication, what does he want? Where are you as a couple going? Do you want the same things? Exam the red flags. Can it change? Maybe. If you are both committed to a life together but it will never work if one of you is all in while I one has a foot out the door. It is best to figure it out now than in another 8 years.
1 Like
No way will he marry you why should he when he gets it all free. Better get out cause he is getting all he needs somewhere else. Open your eyes your old news and he does not want you for a wife.
I just left my spouse is 24 years because of what you described. Things like this often move to verbal and a motion all abuse such as withhold or forcing sex screaming over issues that are silly or not your fault. Complaining about how little you do or that you do it wrong. It IS abuse and even if he loves you it doesn’t give him the right to treat you that way. And I promise he will transfer that treatment to the kids. Kids do not soften a guy
I kept staying and making excuses and being his verbal punching bag because he swore he loved me and would change
He didn’t and now my kids are 18. They all have issues caused it. All the things I thought I protected them from. I didn’t. And now I am young enough and educated enough I don’t need him. So I am gone.
So my question for you is this. In 24 years do you want to be me? I mean hell in a month or six months do you want to fill like I do now? A person will not change for someone else. It they don’t change for themselves it will always fall apart. Good luck and bless you
Not crazy, not paranoid, just stuck! It is time to show him the door. Find your pride, find your intellect and move forward. You can do this!
You should ask him straight out if he is still interested or if something is wrong. If he isn’t interested in working on the relationship or won’t answer your questions you should definately move on.
Wow, sweetie. 8 years and not actual ring? And you let yourself get pregnant? Sounds like first you need to do some serious thinking as to if you really want him, then also have a discussion with him as to what he wants/if he loves you. He may have already moved on emotionally the way it sounds (if not fully cheating on you) . Question I have for you, how long as he been acting distant and no longer caring? If before the pregnancy then sadly it’s probably not going to get better.
This is why the saying goes ‘first comes love, then comes marriage, THEN the baby in the baby carriage’ .
I dont mean to be offensive dear but I know someone who has been with someone since she was 15 and has 2 children. I have waited in vain to see her married but why buy the cow when you get the milk for free. I despise this situation because I love this person. She is dear to me. I watched her grow up. The guy comes from money and is spoiled rotten. He has just used her all these years causing her to live in sin. Its disgusting.
He will only change if he really wants to. You cannot change him. So it’s up to you if you choose to stay in this type of abusive relationship. Personally, I would be gone. Nobody deserves this kind of treatment.
Have you verbalized this to him? Proper communication can never be underestimated. Try that first if you haven’t yet and see… then go from there.
Clean house and let him be the first piece out the door!! You deserve better!
I would say no. My Grandma always told us why buy the cow. She was one of the smartest ladies I have ever know in my 83 years
They never change unless they want to. You must do the changing for yourself.
Seek professional help. I did many years ago and it made a big difference.
1 Like
It doesn’t really matter how he feels about you, if he makes you feel unwanted and unloved, why would you want to be with him?
Girl consider yourself lucky that you’re seeing the red flags before and not after. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe this is your time to walk away… because something better is out there for you.
He already showing you what life with him is… you obviously aren’t happy! Quit while your ahead.
He’s only your boyfriend, he’s not your husband. I say leave. I had a boyfriend like that. I thought I really loved him and prayed so much for him to love me. Finally I seen no change after 2 yrs so as much as it killed me, I broke up with him. It hurt terribly but I did it. After 7 months I was so over him with God’s help. 7 months later, when I didn’t want another boyfriend and wasn’t looking for one, BAM, along came a wonderful man that gave me so much love and was good to me and my whole family. We married some months later and have now been married for 6 yrs. He takes such good care of me and always asks me “How was your day today babe?” Every time he walks in the door from a hard days work. If you were married to this man that doesn’t treat you good, I’d say to stay and fight for your marriage and pray to God alot. But he’s just your boyfriend. You didn’t make vows before God. Tell him if he can’t treat you with love and and doesn’t love you, then to let you go so you can find someone who can make u happy and love you. Don’t stay with him if your so empty and sad and feel so rejected by him. Sooner or later he will kill ur spirit. Leave and learn to find yourself and love yourself and value yourself. Don’t let him make you think your not good enough. Grow some backbone and stand up and be strong. Do alot of praying. God Got me through all my heartbreak and bought a great guy into my life. I prayed to him every single day for strength. I would never have been able to do it without my great Lord. IL be praying for you.
1 Like
Move on! He isn’t thinking like you. Time for a change now. You shouldn’t settle for this cold treatment. You don’t have to.
If he wanted marriage it would have happened. Truthfully he is using you and if there is no sex that is a big red flag
Sorry to say but it sounds like there is probably someone else. A man having sex 8 times with his partner is 13 months??? That alone paints the picture. Sorry Sweetie .
Get rid of him! Men can only change if they want to and it sounds like he doesn’t want to!
1 Like
Only a fool breaks their own heart, it’s time to move on or he have to step up to his man hood
1 Like
REALLY? You have to ask? RUN!!! Talk to a lawyer and make sure he pays for his son!!!
Are you able to ask him why he is showing sings of disinterest
My concern is like Frankie’s. What young men will keep their word when they get distracted?
Sounds like you answered your own question. Sounds like to me the party’s over!
1 Like
Let’s do a brief synopsis:
He doesn’t seem to be interested in you physically or sexually anymore, he shows no appreciation for what you have been doing following the birth of your son, and you’re wondering whether things will ever change?
My question to you is: If everything you have said has happened the way you said it did, WHY on Earth would you want to marry HIM?
Run, don’t walk, to the nearest good family services lawyer, explain everything, then find out what sort of support you can legally expect to receive from him. The attorney should be able to guide you step by step.
Good luck.
Why buy the cow when you are getting the milk for free? Getting married won’t solve the problem of him not being interested! Bad situation!!! I hope you find a real man that adores you!!!
Is there a possibility that he might be cheating? Not accusing just know from experience that these are classic signs
It doesn’t sound like you are very compatible. You do need to tell him what you want.
Don’t walk…RUN! It will only get harder to leave if get married and he never changes.
Why are you asking strangers for advise when you know the answer. Move on without him!
Honey, actions speak louder than any word ever spoken. If your boyfriend isn’t interested in getting married and since you do 90% of everything, why on earth would you want to marry him? Do you really think a ring will make everything better?, sometimes it makes it worse. If you want a man to show you compaction, show you love, and thanks you for everything you do, than you need to find yourself first. Take your child and Run! If he loves you he’ll come after you.
I don’t know what other kind of signal you need to realize it’s a “no go.”
1 Like
I wouldn’t have had any kids with him til he married me, he probably has no intentions of getting married. Better learn about birth control before you have more to raise as a single mother.
Move on child or no child make your move he is not going to marry you
He isn’t going to change. It’s time to run (not walk) from the relationship.
This is a question you need to address with him. Even if his plans have changed, you need to be able to communicate.
Not to be overly crass but why should he buy the cow when he gets the milk for free? Also complacency sets in creating no real reason to change.
Sorry, but quit fooling yourself and stop grasping for straws. You’ve had sex only eight times in over a year? He seems repulsed by you, and shows no interest? Takes you for grated, and no interest in your life. Sorry, but sounds like he has already found someone else. All the characteristics of a cheater.
Yeah an if he not getting it at home he probably has a side piece
I would get out. Let me tell you I was married 30 years. I was disrespected. Now that we are divorced he is trying to be the perfect man. I know it is a joke.
Never seek advice from anyone who has more issues than you. Just move on it’s not going to change till you both do
You are already doing 90% of it all, anyway. The other 10%, in peace will be easy.
My cousin was with a woman 38 years they never married her choice. When she pasted about a year or to later he met old classmate. They married in less than 2 years we’re together till he passed
I feel like deep in your heart you know the answer. You say your heart is aching NOW - doesn’t that answer your question? I personally don’t think a man who you and dated/live with is ever going to ask you to marry him. I agree that you need to have a heart to heart talk with him and get this figured out. Perhaps the reason he does not want sex now is he does not want you to get pregnant again. Maybe he didn’t even want one child and he is staying for the child now. There are so many questions you need answers to. But with an aching heart now, don’t you think you could live without him? He will have to pay alimony and child support so you should be okay. Give yourself and your son the opportunity to have someone who shows you love and attention. Don’t wait for another 8 years!
I sometimes think these questions are meant to get folks riled up. I first got riled up with the “same man for over eight years” and THEN you have a 13 month old??? WTH?? One piece of advice that applies to ALL relationships: “when people show you who they are, BELIEVE THEM”!!! -Maya Angelou
Get rid of this inconsiderate, selfish a-hole!!
Gurl please, go find you some dignity and stop begging to be treated like a doormat. And, while you are at it, go find you someone who values you. Obviously, it’s not you
Why would he bother now? He’s eating his cake & gots the milk too. You already know the answer & we’re here to confirm it for you. Move on you deserve better
Drop him like a hot coal. He will not change. You have wasted enough time on that. Love yourself and then you will find someone who is worth your time and energy.
Question is why would you want to marry someone who treats you like that? There is a saying…you teach people how to treat you. How? By accepting being treated poorly.
Why would you want to marry someone like that? There is someone out there that will love you and your son and treat you the way you should be treated.
Does he have hours away from home that are unaccounted for?
Answer honestly and you’ll know what to do.
You’re not crazy…you are being used…get out…
1 Like
It sounds like you already know the answer!! You have it figured out so you need to decide for the good of your child!! Do not allow yourself to feel trapped !! Take action!!!
His attitude says ‘why buy the cow when u can get the milk for free’. You’ve wasted enough time on him —- move on and don’t look back!!
1 Like
ok…so what made you think that adding a baby to the mix would get him to marry you if 7 yrs without one didn’t…shudda made him put a ring on it after year 2 or so