Does living separately work?

I’d be investigating. This is a separation, treated as such. Sorry for what you’re going through.

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Yep…he’s seeing someone else

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Lady nuh listen to not one of these women…them fi jus name delete n cancel they jus tell yuh bout …leave …n divorce…jus think out the situation…confront ur hubby in the realest way… to find out where the break in transmission of ooun life together…but must of all fight for ur marriage…n let him know its importance… oh .p.s…if or if not there is another woman… dont let her be the focus of ur conversation…cause she nuh important u …ur children…n repairing ur life together is only thing that counts

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My gut tells me he has a long-term plan and needs privacy to move his plan along to the next phase. But (BUT) in the meantime he wants to make certain A) he has a fall back plan, meaning you to meet his “needs” should initial plan fail and B ) he knows he we will need to pay child support. He wants to stay on your good side. Or he may want joint custody.
Don’t let him fool you; he has a plan that unfortunately, will have a significant impact on both of your finances.

Part of being married is sharing the responsibilities and parenting. Either you get equal amount of “time off” or something just isn’t right. Who leaves their wife with the kids and goes on to enjoy time alone while she does everything? I would seriously reevaluate your marriage.

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You just got taken! No legal separation? No sis. You are just postponing the inevitable. He just kinda left you? No. He did leave you.
He made it look cute and pretty so you wouldn’t hassle him and put up a fight.
Get yourself a lawyer asap. You’re married. You’re either in or You’re out. Show him what a financial burden really looks like. …child support, marital abandonment, and more. You are smarter than this! Don’t ever be that woman who says “I didn’t see this coming” you sure did now make the NEXT MOVE!!! Say nothing. No discussion no drama.

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Sounds like a way to not pay for a divorce and pay child support
But
You should have talks with him about what’s going on in his head…your job as a wife
Does he have depression and anxiety based on his job, outside family etc
If he refuses to talk and open up
Refer back to my 1st statement

Sis, he went and leased an entire bachelor pad. Serve him with an entire divorce. He’s playing you.

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That’s a separation. He wants to do what he wants, mostly without y’all.

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I think its a midlife crisis. I’d like to say it will work out, but the day he left was the day things stopped working out. I think he’s trying to see how life is alone and see if he likes it. If he doesn’t then he will work things out. Its up to you if you allow his bullshit or not. I would never, no matter how much I loved him. When you move out, its over, the relationship declines.ike I said its up to you, but I think he’s trying on the single life to see how good it fits!

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Everyone says he wants cake and eating too… truth is …if he not happy, why would he even stay for the kids when you create a toxic environment for the kids if you’re consistently arguing in front of them… many of us are seeing the outcome of the situation they having… hell she could be the damn problem… you don’t just ask someone to marry you… get married… and men intentionally hurt and leave u… it’s always a reason. But most of you attorney seeking ladies don’t know how to self reflect!!:face_with_monocle::woman_shrugging:t4: tell her the truth… look within yourself… ask the right questions… then make the best decision!! Because he willing to stick around… but not stay in the same house …it’s less stressful to live by yourself… then with a nagging wife who is money watching and probably critical to him and his habits you more than likely married… marriage don’t change the person… the person change for the marriage!!

yea he’s slowly getting ready for someone else n keeping u quiet cheaper to keeper don’t b a fool only you know n put up with it good luck living fir the kids been there gets you no where in life

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No, a successful relationship is based on more than love. I don’t know what his problems are and obviously neither do you. It maybe something that can be fixed but on the other hand maybe he’s trying to adjust to a life without you by weaning himself from you.

Hopefully it’s a midlife crisis and that some therapy can help. My suggestion is that he gets individual counseling and you both get marriage counseling together to figure out if you can save your marriage and not deplete your kids college fund. It also wouldn’t hurt if you got some counseling yourself… because I would think…your husband getting up and leaving like that, has gotta hurt! Good Luck!

I think, he is playing the victim.
I hope I’m not rude but he just wants to look like like the good guy ! I bet he’s says you support him moving out so it looks like you don’t want him. Then when you ask for a divorce he will act like his world has ended for attention. I definitely would not sleep with him . He left the house so emotional connections are what needs worked on not the bedroom .
Be cordial for the kids sake !

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It’s called the seven year itch. Be adults about it keep your sanity and respect about your self. Work and stack your money for YOU# if it doesn’t work you have a nest egg to fall back on

Sounds like he’s got the Seven Year Itch which means he’s already out there dating somebody else he’s taking you for a ride I would kick him to the street and he would never be allowed back in but go to court and make sure that he does what he’s supposed to do with them kids he’s just trying to get the best to both worlds and you deserve better than that!

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Sometimes it’s better living separately.

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Sounds like your being naive to someone playing you, please don’t play back BECAUSE of the kids and obviously self respect

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let him know your unavailable on weekends because you have to get another job because he up and left you and

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Sorry to say but sounds like he’s basically done with you . But he doesn’t want to say the words . He’s probably got himself a side piece and leading you on to see if the side piece is gonna work out . And if it does he will tell you it’s officially over . I would not play that . You need worry about yourself. Because I’m end I believe you are gonna get hurt .

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He wants a whole new life but wants u on the side dont do it seek an attorney

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You better get an attorney ASAP because it’s over

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Just got another girl move on you just lying to you

I hope you don’t fall for his crap

This sounds like a case of got together, married immediately, next came the babies, the stress, and the mundane “can you take out the garbage” daily stuff. He may be wanting to build a friendship, and get back the romance again. Both great things! However, he is going about it the wrong way. If him moving out was not mutually agreed upon then he is incredibly selfish. But, he may be thinking this is the only way to “save” the marriage.

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Give the poor guy his space

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He loves you but not in love he doesnt wana hurt u but hes moving on

He can’t say he wants to save your marriage and still loves you
But wants to date at weekends fxxk him off
I’m not married but as far as it goes
Marriage is for Life not 5days a week

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Get your own bank account and run

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It sounds like he wants his free time during the week to do whatever or whoever and still see you on weekends. He wants you to think he wants to work it out so you’re not going anywhere or doing anything while he’s living the single life. When you love somekone and you want things to work with them, you don’t move out…you stay and fight for your marriage. Every. Single. Day. 24/7

Get an attorney asap. Talk to them about freezing bank accounts or moving your (and the kids) savings to a safe space he can’t touch. He is slowing phasing you out of his life. If he wanted it to work, he would have stayed, not moved out

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Either you’re working together or not … if he needs space and therapy ect do not date him on weekends … he needs space and therapy remember? This isn’t fair to you or the kids to be bouncing around. He needs to make a decision as well do you and stick to it.

Ehhh no, sister. This ain’t it. Screw him. Know your worth. Know your kids worth, move forward accordingly.

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As a therapist, I would say in this situation all you can control is yourself. You’re married to someone who seems to know exactly what he wants for himself, therefore I recommend you do the same. Putting his wishes/desires aside…what do you want? If it’s not anything close to what he is proposing I’d focus on a way to achieve what you want with or without him. He’s already doing the same. You’re children will be happiest with a mom that is also happy.

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I don’t believe moving out is a good choice. Therapy can happen w him living w his family. Believe me I went thur it yrs ago and it didn’t turn out for the best

You don’t fix things by creating more distance. Sounds like he wants everything on his terms.

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Lived separately from my soon to be ex husband. Worked great for a while but the intimate part of our relationship died. We weren’t laughing or talking or sharing our lives. We became strangers. Sucks but that’s my experience.

Working together doesn’t mean moving out of the house and creating additional financial burdens that are unnecessary. Might wanna keep tabs on him. If it were me I’d get a lawyer quickly.

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If you have to question the situation, its time to move on and focus on yourself! PRAYERS​:pray::pray:

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You are smart enough to see through this crap aren’t you?

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Sometimes it takes time to work things out.

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FUCK that punk. If he’s not willing to make a FULL commitment then toss his ass. Stop wasting your time on someone who treats you as a convenience.

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So, he wants to have his cake and eat it too…
Honey, he doesn’t deserve you anymore.

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There’s your sign. Come on he wants his cake and ice cream to.

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He’s left the family home and committed to a lease.
It’s over as far as he’s concerned.

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He sounds pretty narcissistic to me. Go for the divorce.

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Truth be told me and my child father separated for a year. When I tell you b4 we split it was BAD… I mean BAD! But and now we’re back together but we live in different states. We’re working slowly to come together. Our communication is better, there’s times I actually miss him as b4 when we were toxic I hated seeing his face. He actually asked me to pick out a ring, b4 I would of NEVER ! All I can say is roll with the punches and everything happens for a reason. But you also have to do what’s best for the kids. Being separate helps sometime to clear your head, heal and then bring it back to the relationship

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We call that living apart together. Whether it works, depends on the individual expectations of a relationship. So it can work. But it will never be as intens as living together in good harmony. The last is certainly a must!!

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Work on yourself. He shouldn’t hold all the cards, nor make all the calls. He wanted space. That’s his problem to deal with. You may still love him, but work on yourself, and a plan. Maybe get to therapy asap. And please don’t let the children get caught up in his confusion. They need as much stability as possible. Propose he visits them on weekends or takes them on weekends. And please do not “date him” on weekends. If you hold out hope that things may work out, and they don’t, you will be left with a whole lot of heartache and no plans. So, my advice is to work on yourself, get into therapy, make plans for a stable future for you and your children, and take control of your own life. I wish you luck.

He’s left you, set up home elsewhere, requested shared custody and slowly cleaning out your savings, I bet he’s hoping by the time you realise the truth there is nothing left.

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Gaye Lynn Hunter I would make there mind up for them

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Freedom from b.s. sounds like. I’d just be happy he doing something he want to do and just do you bo

File for divorce & child support immediately. He’s left you plainly.

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I really hate these sand questions

It was over when he walked out the door. His “needing space” is an excuse to have the freedom to do what he wants. He wants to come and go he pleases and doesn’t want a divorce because then he would have to pay child support which would take his party money. In the meantime, you are stuck with your bills that he helped make and you are both using the savings to help pay for everything. When it is gone, it is gone. What will you do then? This is a waste of your peace of mind, time and money. Kick him to the curb because he is not worth all the stress he is causing you and the kids.

He’s mucked up, and doesn’t want to admit it, let him go, make your boundaries clear and just do you and the kids, forget about him, he’s doing what he wants,

Every 1 here is gving u their opinions … bub thats THEIR opinions… they dont know u they dont know him and its ignorant in them thinking they can give u advice like that… u mention therapy… give it a go… u need to decide what YOU want … do u love him?? Do u want to continue this relationship.?? U need to decide what is best for u… if he is allowing for the children to bounce between u both as they like and dating on the wkends u and him… well i dont see time for anything other that work out side of that so i dont believe theres any other reason other than what he has told u … but thats my OPINION … yes anything can work if you want it to… be truthful tell him u are not happy with the situation and try to get the answers out of him u need… no 1 here can help u all we can do is give u our opinions and thoses saying DIVORCE is an only answer here and telling u out of bitterness from their own experiences… they aren’t taking into account any facts because they dont know them their opinions come from their backgrounds and those are not ur story so they are worthless to u… u need to look inwards for the answers u seek … good luck to u i hope u find a way forward thats healthy for u… love and light… :fire::revolving_hearts:

You best be dipping into your savings to support you and your kids before he takes it all. His actions pretty much says all you need to know.

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This sounds absolutely awesome :heart:
Love has no rules.
And space and communication keeps love healthy.

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I think he is a selfish arsehole thinking of his own needs not the needs of his family, sounds like he is slowing working up to leaving you just doing it the easy way out !!!

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Get proper legal advice. Get seperate bank accounts. Of course this can be worked out. It is not ideal but if you both love each other then go for it. He must agree to therapy with you though.

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When you say date… I’m hoping you mean like you and him dating right… honestly I would talk to him and let him know that this can only go on for so long (as long as you think he needs to get it together)… you are his wife, you should know him and what’s going on in y’all marriage. What caused him to move out? Is your marriage a good marriage? Or is it full of drama or toxic? Can you honestly say that it’s only for the kids sake? I mean people that are “married “ usually don’t create more space and move out, specially if there’s kids involved, this can really affect the kids mentally and emotionally… kids see everything! And it seems like his not really caring about you or the kids, his mind is made up… he probably was thinking about leaving you way before, people don’t just wake up one day and say “hey! I think I wanna move out”…no, it doesn’t work that way. I think hi is just easing his way out of your life, I don’t know why but it sounds like it could be 2 things… 1- he is tired of the responsibility of having a family, or 2- he has someone else who he wants to start a new life with.

I would woman up… look after my kids best interests, take out all the money from y’all savings (if you can)… get a lawyer, file for divorce and put him on child support…
This can all be reversed when he makes up his minds and is ready to come back to his family. That’s what I would do!

Don’t be scared to make things worse because it sounds like he doesn’t really care if you struggle on your own… what’s gonna happen when he or both of you use up all the savings? Is he gonna be able to maintain you house, your kids plus his own place? Or does he expects you to cover everything on your own? Girl no, at the end of the day… people only look after themselves, as a mother, it is your responsibility to protect your kids and make sure they are ok and taken care of!

Good luck!

Depends on what kind of downs you two have been having…
Obviously a long talk on what you both expect in the future

He’s gone but you are yet to realise it.

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What you need to do immediately is see an attorney and determine what your rights are. Also ask the attorney what you need to do to preserve what’s left in your savings.
You need professional advice. Don’t rely on what everyone on Facebook is telling you.
Protect your rights and those of your children now!
Don’t wait for your immature husband to grow up.
You have my prayers and my sympathy.

DIVORCE HIM!!! Do not waste another minute of him playing you for a fool!!! Get his ass paying alimony& child support. You better get a separate acct ASAP before he drains all the money. He’s being a scumbag & probably is and has been having an affair.

Idk sounds like heaven to me :rofl:

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Well, he will have to pay child support for 3 kids and spousel support as well so 'sock it to him" !

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No… this isn’t good. This isn’t love. Distancing himself isn’t going to fix your issues. I think you deserve better & I wouldn’t stay.

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I swear, the older I get…the dumber the men are…I’m so glad I dont have to put up the bullshit cuz I know I’d either kill him or cut his dick off…all depends​:eggplant::dagger:

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Been living separately for about 8 years and its amazing.

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Wants his family but not the responsibility or burden that comes with that. Keeping you at arms reach while he lives in piece and quite after work, to hang out, or slip around ect. Show your ass , flip it , don’t accommodate him

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When you say he wants to date on weekends- does that mean he wants to take you on dates, or “play the field?”

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Get money out of accounts fast!

It would really really depend on what the space is for… but more then likely no I would not be okay with it.

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He left you. It might hurt for a while, but you have to pick up the pieces and move on without him.

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He wants his cake and eat it too. You have the kids more than he does. Nope, I don’t trust this for a minute. You should be getting some child support.

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You misspelled “my husband moved out to be able to sleep with other women but still wants me to remain his wife”

No way. I would get a legal separation and go from there. He must pay everything & then some!

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Get a lawyer and at the very least file for legal separation (though honestly I would say divorce) so you can get child support and if appropriate spousal support. Get a custody arrangement in place.

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I would look the best I could drop the kids off and take off someplace even a movie don’t let him make all the rules let him wonder

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Divorce his ass… That’s not a marriage… Living apart… You took vows… For better or worse… If he truly loves he’ll stay and work through the issues… Go to family counseling… He’s just makIng things easy on himself what about you… I’d establish some rules… Legally… I’m very sorry…

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He wants to be with other people and he’s being selfish. Take him to the cleaners and don’t look back

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An acquaintance of mine went to couples counseling after their spouse had an affair. They were living separately, and the counselor said if you want to work on the marriage, you cant live apart.

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Your huisband signed a contract for 2 weeks to live in another house. Apparently his goal is not to work things out with you, but to have other women in his house to have fun with. I would not allow it, because you are still married.

But I also have heard that sometimes it works well for a couple.

No one can answer that for you… if you wanna work in your marriage work on it and respect the living apart for now is what he needs… if not call it quits and work on effectively co parenting

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I know folk who have done this. I’d say it would work much better only downfall here is the finances.

Clearly you dont like it .
Tell him too eff right off …

I heard it worked for others. To each it own

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No one can tell you what to do because they are not emotionally attached to the situation. And therefore easy for these people to say get a divorce. The answer to all our problems is in ourselves. You already know what you need to do. As you say, if he loves you he would be there. I rather think that if there was another man on the scene, he would be back like lightning. Worth thinking about.

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Divorce him & Garnish his pay check where he works

I personally couldn’t do it. A marriage is A unity of two people coming together not apart… but I don’t walk in anyone else’s shoes. You have to do what is right for you.

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Move on love he playing you. Get legal advice ASAP

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Drop the kids to him regularly put him on the spot get a key to his residence and do something fun for yourself without him or the kids.

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Sounds to me like he’s separating from you. I agree you should get legal advice ASAP. This is not married behaviour and it won’t work with him putting space between you. My ex husband did this whilst we were having marriage counselling, all the time insisting we could work things out but he’d already decided he wanted to leave me. Move your savings ASAP so he can’t get hold of them or you’ll be left with nothing for you and the kids. Why should he get a trial run at being separated/divorced? My advice would be to divorce rather than separate. Sorry to sound harsh but I’ve seen this exact behaviour and all the excuses that go with it before. Good luck

Women ! Think the comments speak for themselves tbh …take HEED guys!

You know some relationships get very routine and boring, hence why alot of people end up having affairs so they can have a little excitement. If he’s pitching in with the kids, not having an affair and he’s moved out for a bit and wants to date again I think that it’s sweet he’s trying to bring the spark back with you… but only you know what you’re comfortable with… just don’t let anybody tell you what’s OK within your relationship… half the people screaming divorce probably have very miserable husbands who cheat the first chance they get… :woman_shrugging:t2:

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He’s slowly moving away from you, this way to him there’s no arguements and he can filter your money slowly but also pay no maintenance with his conscience clean to his kids. He’s moving forward with his life slowly without you x good luck

He wants all the fun of the weekend and everything that comes with it but no responsibility of the week days / nights wants the kids now and again ( how’s that messing with their heads ) their parents living apart but together still … I’d question why he wants his week days/ evenings free ! Why should you do all the work then at weekends be at his beck. And call it can work for some I’ve seen someone actors do it but their older with no kids I couldn’t not now we have kids but when we first together first year we only see each other weekends as he lived so far away xx