Let her have him x he’s not worth the fight x
Get a life woman stop caring about him:roll_eyes: i said stop:person_gesturing_no:
but don’t leave for the sake of your children and no need to warn ur friend about your husband because am sure she is old enough to see that this is somebody’s husband cz if u do so he is gonna tell ur hubby and u know how men are . Am sure there’s something going on btwn them because ur friend was the one who was suppose to stop him all wat he’s doing for her seeing you lonely like that seems like she is happy with that. So concentrate on ur children now don’t look down on urself have fun with your kids, go out enjoy with them come home wen u done , dress well and make urself beautiful again like u ain’t a mama and let him do whatever he wants to do and act like nothing bothers you don’t even ask him for anything u will thank me later 
She strokes his ego. It takes nothing more than that. So maybe check your own behavior. Yes, it would be nice if he did more for you, but he isn’t going to and nagging and whining is making it worse. So stop asking him and do it yourself. Let him see that he isn’t necessary in your life and maybe he will straighten up.
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That last little bit, if you keep accusing him he will do it… he is a piece of shit, let him be someone elses problem 
It sounds like you’re both unhappy and unfulfilled in this relationship. Him not helping you, and being ugly to you when you ask for help is a gigantic red flag. Him lying to you over things in the phone is also a red flag. Him fawning over her and literally changing his behavior is a huge red flag. Then he gaslights you when you bring her up. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. History or not, YOU deserve to be happy and it sounds like you’re painfully not. Just remember you can be happy and whole by yourself! You don’t need a man, especially one not willing meet you halfway, and one who doesn’t treat you well or respect you.
Sounds like you’re both suffering from depression and if you don’t both get therapy individually and also together, nothing in your life will ever change, with or without him. Until you both get your heads on straight neither of you will find happiness, together or apart.
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Umm… no.
Honestly, I’d be done with both of them.
He puts her before you and your marriage, and she knows it — and seemingly enjoys it. So much mind manipulation going on, I don’t know how you see straight. Try marriage counseling (if you even want to and think you have something to salvage). If he won’t go to counseling, you go yourself. Take care of yourself and your kids from now on. Make a plan and work on your happiness. Your children deserve to see a happy mother. Best of luck. 
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I’ve come across this same thing
This is a two way street. She knows what’s going on, whether she has feels for him or not. Time to leave your old friend in the past and maybe him with her
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You done lost him, you need to talk to her if she is really your friend and see where she stands.
Listen to your gut!! I thought I was overthinking things once, and I was being cheated on. Always listen to your gut instinct.
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He’s probably cheated on you already and I’m speaking from personal experience
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I know you feel like you can’t talk to him but it sounds like you are imprisoned in marriage with a man who does not respect you or care for your well-being. Ask him without any blame. Tell him you feel a certain way about this behavior. Try not to sound accusing, avoid using the word you when talking to him and talk about yourself more. “I feel like our marriage is a bit rocky. My gut is telling me we are not where we need to be ever since my old friend came into our life.” Open ended, let him respond to those kind of sentences and really get to know where he is coming from so you can see for yourself why things are the way they are.
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Wow. He sounds absolutely ridiculous. You deserve better than all that. What an a$$hole
Shit…if I was in your shoes he wouldn’t be there. It’s either me & your family or that hot mess of her. Idgaf. My husband would never disrespect me like that or I him. Smh. Karma will get them both
He told you he was lonely with you…so that says it is not all him. And you dismissed that because it was said in the heat of the moment. You guys need couples counseling… and maybe get yourself into therapy.
Maybe visit the distant relative and ask her what’s going on?
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Am I missing something?? Why are you and your husband going over there in the first place?
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At first I was like “drop that overgrown man child” but since you have 4 kids together, I’d say he needs to get his sh!t together!
Classic the grass is greener on the other side. Reality the grass is greener where you water it. I think your intuition is probably right but there’s nothing you can do to change this that’s on him. I’d talk to him explain you know and you deserve better. Possibly a trial separation? If you’re already doing everything anyways then do it everything alone if it’s causing you this much stress. I do think you should try counseling but you can’t make someone realize something they aren’t ready to see.
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Stop going around your friends if he can’t be his normal self… stay real or stay home. Honestly, I’d file for divorce if it were me.
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he’s a narcissist with a new source
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Marriage isn’t easy… been with my husband 23 years… what’s happening here is he doesn’t feel appreciated by you… whereas she is giving him that type attn. I would start slow… when he comes home from work… ask him… is there anything I can do for you? Could be as small as getting him a drink… or just bring it to him. Or ask him if he wants to watch a TV show together with you… snuggle into him… you have to build on that romance again. You are nearing that 10 year mark and it is ROUGH… maybe 2x a month someone can watch the kids for 3 hours so yall can go out… and just be adults together… you are in constant mom mode… he needs you so it’s worth the investment. Good luck as you both find your way!
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Let him know real quick he’s a choice not an obligation. No need to live your life so unhappy.
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Read what you just wrote as if it was from a friend !! You have the answer, you don’t want to see.
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I would tell him that YOU are leaving because he isn’t treating you right. Then I’d walk away
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Okay I’m sorry but he’s not in love anymore. He’s just scared to not be with you and that’s no reason for either of y’all to stay together.
But, that friend of yours isn’t dumb… I’d reevaluate that friendship asap myself.
If any of my friends men did just 1 of the things you listed we’d be having issues.
My best friend’s husband is just like my bestie too but if that guy started following me around and treating his wife, my freaking best friend like that then we gotta nip this in the bud bro.
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First of all your husband gets mad because you ask him to help with the kids? They are his kids…it isn’t helping. They are his responsibility also. He is gaslighting you. I would refuse to go over there. I had a friend who started rubbing my husbands shoulders. She asked him to come over and mow for her, she has her own husband. After he did that a few times and I went over one time and saw her rub his shoulders, we never went over there again. Refuse to go over there.
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Always listen to your gut! They way hes acting says everything im sorry you are being treated this way i would give him a ultimatum you stop communicating with her and we get counseling or im divorcing you. There are millions of men in the would that wouldnt treat you that way theres mo point in wasting your life with someone you are unhappy with and wont put any effort into working on the marriage with you. You deserve to be happy and clearly hes not making you happy
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Let her have him you can do better.
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She’s your old friend and you have the right to bring it up to her also. Might turn things for the better or bring things to light where you may be like oh there is more and I’m out. You don’t have to stay. He doesn’t sound like a safe haven that he should be as a husband. Let him either bring your family together again or tear it apart but you be ready for worst case.
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I personally think he already cheated and has something for her, whether it be just something new or am escape from y’all’s problems, but why do y’all keep going over there of it bothers you so much?? And him saying he’s gonna find somebody else is very very telling!! I’d say tell him y’all need a break and have him leave… he will most likely end up over her place but at least then you won’t be the fool!!
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Narcissist tends to blame you for all the problems they cause and have secret affairs and if you find out they leave you with out you knowing until you come home and their things are gone.
A Narcissist blames you for the break down of the relationship on you when in reality they are the cause! They live in a make believe world and they lie a lot on others and you,
They love money and would get in
Debt to satisfy their own needs,
Narcissistics can also control others and when they can’t control you they have nothing to do with you they treat you like a out cast and ignore you a lot they won’t touch sexual nor give you attention and they treat you disrespectful and mean. It’s better to leave a Narcissist. A Narcissist
Don’t know how to love!
Anyone they say they love you and act the part but in reality they don’t know how to love. They like to pretend to have money lots of money and they love to dress up
And wear the best even when they can’t afford it! Read about a Narcissist you’ll learn a lot about them.
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Through my own experiences, he has already been with her. He is forcing you by his own abusive admission to seek a divorce. It will not get better, he will only realize what he lost after you set him free. He loses.
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You dont get a refund of time on a bad relationship. If I were you, no more trips there for a while, see how he acts. It sounds like he is falling out of love with you and in to Her. Classic wants something new. Even taking away physical or emotional time and giving it to her can be cheating. Dont settle for less than you deserve.
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Leave him. He’s a jerk and will never change
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Ya, something is definitely up
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He definitely has something for her!! I been there with ex’s as well. Honestly I would just leave for a few days and see what happens with him. What he will do. Take your kids with you and see how he acts. This is not cool. I hate guys like this.
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Please try relationship counseling. Things are definitely on shakey ground at the very least.
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this guy seems to be bored . i dont know if he is bored with you or just simply bored . i would bet he already has cheated with her or really wants to . in my opinion you should step out of this relationship for a while and see which way te wind is blowing . but dont be surprised to see him go to her . either way you wont have to waste time on him
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Y u trying to give your husband away. childhood friend only back 3 weeks n this is what’s happening. Drop the friend if u want to keep your husband. Or drop the husband n keep the friend. Unfortunately looks like u cnt have both
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Let her have him when he not doing everything she will put him out 
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First, you all need to sit down and talk. That includes your husband her and her husband. As you stated she is married to a family member so you are related by marriage. If he is doing all of this stuff and she’s a participant in it, they’re both cheating and who knows how far they have taken it. Also who knows how far they will take it. If he’s not really talking and she’s not willing to talk either. I would say to talk to her spouse. Make the best aware of what’s going on so the conversations that I’ve been going on between them. If the spouse isn’t noticing the same things, or might be noticing them but just aren’t really sure. It’s time to call it out. Personally, it’s not worth your time. While you may truly love your husband, if he’s willing to do all of that with her imagine somebody else without you knowing.
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U definitely deserve better. I’d say he definitely doesn’t want to be w u. Stop begging him to love you!! Find some one who really does!
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Always go with your gut!
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Listen to your gut. Instinct is rarely wrong!!
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If he takes up for her and does more for her and wants to spend more time with her, then obviously there’s something between them. Every relationship starts out as just friends and the more talking and spending time together leads to feelings.
What gets me is that your more worried about him Fucking someone then maybe trying to get him help for his addiction. Start there.
You don’t any advice from anyone , you already know the answer, it’s right in your face! I’d come right out and ask your " friend" when he started flirting with her, i wouldn’t say " is he" and why didn’t she tell you and why does she continue to allow it? And how many times were they " alone🙄"
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You need to start saving money be prepared, my first husband did that with my friend he’s looking to sleep around on you… I’m so glad I dont have to go through all that again. But hey start saving money without him knowing the time is coming.
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She isn’t the problem. Your husband is the problem. He’s pretending to be you just to be able to talk to her more? He definitely has a thing for her. Yeah, it sounds like his good behavior has died and he’s showing you how he really is, so you should believe what he’s showing you. I’m sure if the roles were reversed he would be absolutely livid and most likely wouldn’t stay with you. He’s showing you in multiple ways that he doesn’t care about his relationship with you, so you should leave him because it doesn’t matter how much you care, you cannot make him care. Just let it go and stop holding yourself down in this dead end relationship, do what’s best for YOU and your kids. It’s not good for your kids to be seeing their parents fighting all the time, or to see their dad degrading and disrespecting their mom, set a higher standard for yourself and your kids.
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Sounds like you may be in a rut. Don’t give up try talk it through
Have you brought up the fact that he gets so frustrated when you ask him for help, but he literally offers to help her? How can anyone explain that, other than he’s crushing on her. He definitely likes her. Does that mean that he physically wants her, idk, but everything you described sure seems like he does.
Sorry but you know what your intuition is telling you - trust it! I have gone against my intuition so many times, but it always turns out I was right all along.
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She is feeling his vibe also. She is manipulating him in front of you intentionally. Not blaming her for your husband’s disrespect. I don’t condone adultery. Focus on YOU. Snatch YOU back, rebuild your confidence and totally ignore him. Watch how you attract who you deserve.
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He’s infatuated with her and has lost his feelings for you. And she knows exactly what she is doing and is loving it! It sucks to watch your hubby fall into the clutches of a coy little helpless thang - Eventually he may open his eyes to her wiles and get over her, but you’ll always have that hole in your heart. It’s truly OK to walk away and start anew. Best wishes to you.
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I’d give her a heads up. See if she’s really a friend. If they both are flirting, start planning a different life.
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Get.out.now. Things will not improve and you will continue to drag yourself through the wringer trying to figure him out. You already have your answer. He’s directed his attention and affection elsewhere. Do it for you and your kids. Been through it myself and your happiness will lend itself to your children’s happiness. Be brave! Good luck with everything 
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I’m sad to say it sounds like BOTH of them are playing you. Never send your husband over to another woman’s house. Not without you. More women are ready to welcome it than you think. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family 
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I believe you already have the answer. You saw his messages and texts. There is nothing else to wonder about. He does have some feelings for her. Even if the messages were not out the way as you say, why is he even messaging her? He should not have any reason at all to message her.
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A woman’s intuition is never wrong!!’
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The grass always looks better on the other side syndrome! You said your relationship is in distress. You need to have an honest talk with him. Tell him your gut feelings (try not to be emotional) no yelling. Ask him straight up what he wants/needs,tell him what you want/ need. Get it all out in the open. Decide what the next step will be. (Depending on his answers). If he’s still angry and denying he’s not being honest. Ask him point blank if he’s willing to throw away 9 yrs on someone he just met. Meanwhile stay away from that friend no freind! Good luck!
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Make your life happy without him and stop asking about it. I think if he sees you living and being happy he will wonder what is making you so happy.
Continue to be kind to him. You will know soon enough if he’s in or out with you’ll relationship. If he’s in then maybe you’ll need counseling to make you’ll stronger. If he’s out then you deserve better.
Just my unprofessional opinion 
I hope you work it all out 
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This sounds very familiar to me. Mine was the same way. He was always commenting on how other women were cute or pretty, including my family members, and would repeatedly do it. Found out later than he hit on then too. He cheated throughout our relationship and was very negative to me and kids. 23 years of my life lived this way. Don’t make the same mistake. He’s toxic, he’ll never value you more than now, which doesn’t sound like he values you at all. It’s not worth all those years trying to make someone else happy besides yourself. I would leave him as quickly as possible.
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That is total disrespect. Talk it out or get counseling. I would not deal with that. It’s not fair/good for ur kids or you. Does ur “friend” know this? If u want to continue going to ur friends I’d go alone without him. He is acting like a child!
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How did you go from running into her to him getting her shoes off the porch
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You both know he is having his cake and eating it too,they are playing you a fool ,make a plan and leave them ,you can live better without all the pain he is putting you through, your little one needs better and believe me they pick up when thing’s aren’t going well, you will be sad for awhile but it will get better and take time for yourself before getting involved with someone new.I can see it down the road your husband & this woman calling it quits once they are together for a while and the newness wear off,you can do what is best for you.
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I could be totally off, but I’m going to guess you have been I Narcissistic relationship recently to being in your relationship with him…I’m going to guess that you’ve had painful experiences with cheaters. The depression and anxiety can make you feel insecure as you have described. Overcoming addiction with one or both partners is a major strain on any relationship however overcoming it together is such a deep bonding experience. There’s so many factors on whether he is actually cheating and if so, whether or not it’s with her…sounds like y’all don’t really do a lot of socializing either and that can irritate anxiety. I wish nothing but the best for you but if my suspicions are correct, YOU must decide if this relationship is worth working on…Once YOU decide you will make productive decisions on staying or leaving…By realizing how you truly feel and putting forth the effort you will either see his attempt also or no change and you will gain the confidence to leave and achieve what you truly deserve!!! I made it…YOU CAN TOO:heart:
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Hello, What you are describing is both verbal and emotional abuse. You deserve so much better. Alone is far better than walking on eggshells. I am speaking from experience. Happiness is just around the corner you just need to take the first step. I wish you the best.
Mine did the same things. Wouldn’t go to counseling . All in my head. No time to cheat.25 yrs, 3 grown kids. Broke my heart. Don’t stay for the kids . They’ll be happier without the drama. You already know the answers.Best of luck. Get a good lawyer willing to help you and your kids, not him.
Trust your inner voice. Then make a decision as to what is best for you.
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Suggest to him that you would like a separation for a month or two. Take control of your future. How old are your children? Can you put a little space and live elsewhere for a time? You sound to be very weak to me. You are allowing yourself to be abused. Don’t do that! Show STRENGTH. No man wants a weak, shaking woman. Take control of the situation or it will take control of you. Force his hand!! If he wants to lose you, sobeit. Don’t grapple!
My first step would be counseling: there are things festering under the surface on both sides and sometimes having a third party is very helpful. Keeps it from turning into a blowout.
You mentioned addiction- I don’t know too what or on who’s part, but that’s an element that effects a dynamic immensely.
Time to get some help maybe a therapist and tell your friend you will not be seeing her again. Not sure but maybe it is time for your husband to move out. You do not have to live like that. You deserve better.
You do not deserve this! If you do let him go he will live to regret it! Child support can be a lot for four kids.
Your not over thinking it and why are you even going over to see her stop hanging out with her thats the first thing an I would be up front with him about it
Sounds like my ex-husband!!! You’re instincts could be right. Stay away from her. Do your own thing. Question your husband. You can do that, ya know.
Reread what you wrote. You’re asking for advice on something you already know and feel. YOU have to make the decision on whether you want to be treated like that(especially in front of your kids).
you are describing my life to a tea, 51 years married, never get a birthday present, no birthday anniversary missed my birthday the first year we were married, I even went and bought my birthday dinner, lol lol men !!!.
You need to get out of the relationship which will be difficult. It sounds like he wants to be involved with this lady.
I see so many posts about leaving him. All these ppl are not in your situation. And I don’t think anyone can make the choice for you. I’m sorry its happening.
My personal feelings and things to fix it. You’ve tried. If he isn’t going to talk to you, what other options are there ?
Once a cheater always a cheater. Move on you have became his security blanket. There is a man out there that will love you and charish you
.he is is in denile
2 choices get counseling or get out. Tell him how you feel not us. You either can save your marriage if you receive counselling.
Baby you don’t need to look any further than your own post. You know what you need.
time for a divorce. my ex did this with another girl as well. they are now married have been 10 years now
My dear, have been married for just 4 years may not be in the position to give u a suiting advice but I will advice u should try ur best to be happy, not only for ur self but for ur children. Sex or no sex, attraction or no attraction just ignore him and make ur self happy. Aslong as he does his responsibilities as a man and doesn’t beat u or lay his fingers on you dear, make urself look good and attractive always. Do not abandon yourself and look dirty or old. This is the moment to brace up look and look and pretend he doesn’t exist belive you me he will come begging. Do not give him the feelings atall you are not happy or his attitude towards you is killing you, make him think you are still hot cake in the market and look happy at always. If you don’t have something do go find a job and use it to kill away worries .
They always think the grass is greener…
Sounds like a full blown affair with a smoking gun . You just didn’t see the shots fired. If you don’t have a separate bank account, start one . Don’t let him know, start putting money aside, you may need it. Realize this is not only for you but so you can provide for your kids.My ex right before he left took most of our joint account before he left.Your story is too familiar for those of us who have been through this. Porn kills feelings for you and objectifies you. Him denying and you having proof to yourself, don’t say anything to him. He’s already denied it. It’s like arguing with a drunk, you’ll get no where and only upset yourself. They justify how badly they treat you and refuse to see the wrong in it. I pray things go well so sorry you are going through this.
The first order of attention should be addressing the addiction. Nothing can be worked out if you are talking to the addiction instead of the person. In the meantime get a job and save every penny in an account that he can’t touch. If you have to leave him or he leaves you at least you will have some money of your own and you won’t be in instant crisis. I know it is hard to work when you have four children so do mother’s hours while they are in school. Part time is better than no time. If your husband questions why you want to work don’t mention the friend. Say that it is because the addiction is affecting your relationship and unless he gets help for it you afraid that your relationship won’t last. In the meantime get some counseling for yourself on how to cope.
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See a lawyer ASAP. My husband was the same way with a coworker.
Red Flag is definitely flying here!
It sounds as if he “closed the door” some time ago. prepare for the worst.
Who is the addict? That should be the number ONE area of concern…
Trust your gut…period! People do what you allow.
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I would stay away from your girl friend with him. You are just feeding the fire.!!!
Girl, throw the whole man away and take care of your kids. You’re gonna make yourself sick staying in that relationship.
Run 
before u really get hurt
Hiscnot showing love or respect.
Tell how you feel and see.
Ifche wants out let him
Karma always follows
Know your worth be happy
You may find it hard but in the end you have the upper hand.
You deserve better.
Girl…trust your gut. He’s either already screwing her or he wants to.
Let him go and move on life don’t stop with him what he throw away is another man treasure.
Run get a life you don’t deserve this