Every Mother's Day is about my mother in law: Was I wrong to make this one about me?

My husband was a one of a kind , he lost his mom to cancer when he was 16 years old, he was a great husband , father, son, brother , uncle, an son in law, brother in law, miss him so much, lost him in 2016.

This is the sort of stuff that has turned me against Mothers Day. I married when I was 19, my husband was 18. First child born the first year. We had both our mothers and 3 of our grandmothers still living for a couple of decades. He had never learned to honor Mothers Day, so, even though I was a Mommy, I had to get cards and gifts for the 5 of them ( being military, we were never near enough for visits). And then sit thru some special, sickening-sweet sermon at church about how everybody loved a mother, and still no special acknowledgement from him. He said,” you are not my mother”. Now, a grandmother myself, but living in a different country, I actually miss the 5 deceased mothers who plagued my previous Mothers Days. I am too far for my 2 sons or grandsons to fuss over me in Person, but couldn’t they at least mail a card? I guess they learned from their Dad how to treat me. There was a short-but sweet mention by my son in a face book post honouring all mothers, especially his Wife, his MIL, and his own mother. I know he loves me. I will count that as a win.
I do think the husband was in the wrong, but also that she was bratty about it. There were no heroes in the original post.

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This brings bad memories to me cause my ex though his mom was first and screw mine I quit going to his first ! My situation did not end good for me tho

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It was Mother’s Day, not Grandmother’s Day. Why didn’t your husband let your children stay home with you? You had to spend the day alone.Something is very wrong there.

Your husband doesn’t seem to care about your feelings at all. How sad for you.

Well, obviously this Mother’s Day has passed, but in the future, as in all relationships, comprises should always be a part of decisions. Why not have both of you celebrated? The weekend before the official Mother’s Day could be YOUR weekend that you’re celebrated doing what YOU would like and the next weekend on the real Mother’s Day could be your mother in law’s, or vice versa. There’s no rule stating Mother’s Day has to be celebrated at any particular time. I never celebrate until before or after just to avoid all the crowds at restaurants, etc. that way we all get to relax and enjoy it for what it is. God bless you.

You are not wrong your husband should have invite her to your house or he could have taken you and your for a week end get way

Next year do exactly the same thing. Make sure he celebrates mother’s day on Saturday with kiddo. Have a great day. Then on Sunday he can go to his mom’s.

Make a plan for yourself…movie or drive of just enjoying the quiet. Make it your day.

That is me adulting.

On Father’s day, don’t do anything. Completely forget, no plan, nothing. Make sure kiddo has gift or thing for dad…but just be busy doing things all day.

That is me not adulting.

My husband bought carnations for church then nothing I wasn’t his mother so Father’s Day he got zero his mom got him a gift and cake. I signed card for Father’s Day to his dad. My dad died when I was 15. I did not let that go. Had to babies instead of a give to me. He bought chocolate for nurse your husband is so special. On of latest surgeries I had . I told him you bring gift to nurses and forget your wife. I will kick you into next year. I got a lot of Dallas cowboy stuff . Good thing I love Cowboys .

If that is what you want, and you are happy, good for you! I raised four kids by myself, and one day by myself was heaven to me!

Next year you should book a nice hotel with room service and let him have the kids fir the day and night.

where is your mom? my mom has passed and so has my husbands…

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Your selfish period… Mother’s Day is for everyone not just you…You wanted to stomp your feet and act like a child cause you didn’t get your way even after you got what you wanted you still complained…Just because a man gets married doesn’t mean his family no longer exist…Sounds like to me there is jealousy there because your husband chooses to honor HIS mother, & that’s not okay…I am a mother with adult children and though I refuse to cause conflict as you have I would kill for my kids to put me before their spouse just once…But as I told my children you chose who you married knowing our relationship would suffer…I don’t stomp my feet and have a tantrum I move on and make myself happy on mother’s day or any other holiday…Quit thinking just because your his wife you come first he had a mother and a family before you…

I would suggest alternating years which is how we handle all holidays so all get a chance to say where they want to go for brunch or how to spend the day (but you were justified in your upset)!

I would have taken myself to the spa and let him have the receipt and his tantrum while I slept. What else is there to communicate if he chooses not to listen.

Your husband and your children should put you first and he can always call his mother and invite her to come to your house and spend this special day with you

You’re not wrong, and I would have had my kid stay home with me also.

Is she good to you? Treat you fairly? There are alot of variables in this equation, but the likelihood that she will pass before you is greater, and then it will be about you. Respect the elders. Maybe have a cookout on Saturday before like I do and then your children will not have that burden when they grow up

You are wrong. If you begrudge your husband’s happiness at being with his mom on mother’s day then yes your wrong.Your turn is coming but in the meantime do the right thing with a good heart instead of complaining and forcing your husband to choose. He’s the one I feel sorry for.

What a selfish man your married to, he could compromise every other year or if he celebrates her birthday 2 weeks before why not do Mother’s Day too. I’m sorry you were alone, you deserve better.

Yes you are. She is his mother not yours. She is also your mother. He could have been shown some more appreciation for you. Let me ask you a question, were his brothers wives there? When you children are grown they I’m sure will celebrate you.

You did fine. There comes a time to do for yourself!

You are a Mom too and maybe all could celebrate at your home for a change :shushing_face::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Your both right, while she doesn’t get to see her children every day she should really comprimise more, may ve have a split day, do what you want one part and with her the next

It sounds like the sons work in the yard all day while the wife takes care of all the kids!! It’s her day to!!!

Marriage vows are clear! Forsaking all others! ALL! She should be first!

No not wrong at all. It’s your day. Do as you please.

I sometimes try to celebrate the holiday on the day before so then the next day I get to do what I want and not feel guilty about it.:smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

One compromise is to celebrate your mother’s day on Saturday or a week early or late. Plan special activities that you enjoy. Your child will be 7. Even if you have to give them the money, take your child to the store and let them pick out a card and gift for you. Help them wrap it and “hide” it from you until the day you celebrate.

Absolutely not. He should be more respectful of you being his wife and the mother of his children. Send flowers and a card to his mother and your mother and for once do something for yourself. Tell him Saturday is your all day special day or Sunday and do something with your mom and his together on one special day and then one day is only for you and your family

YOU should be his first priority as the mother of his children, time to cut the apron strings and teach his children how important you are .

No you are not wrong. From the sound of things he has brothers and sisters who show up too so maybe they should take turns and you get it to be your day when it is his day off from mommy. Let the butt head husband have it I bet you do something for his Father’s Day huh?

You got your day yo uou self and hubby and child got to see mom/grandma. Thsts all good BUT your “baby” husband should have told mommy dearest that they were leaving early cause they were taking YOU out for supper! That way all got to celebrate with their kids.

Life is too short too much uncertainty there’s no way know who is going first. there’s no reason cant turn about. why cant she come to you ? shame on husband not support you on this. tell him cut the apron strings

He should do both ! He should honor you and do something special for you. But his mom is just as important as yours. What did you do for your mom? One day will come when she isn’t there believe me I’ve been on both ends

Why can’t all the mothers in the family be celebrated together

Why not go celebrate Mother’s Day with the mother in law on Saturday then Sunday with your husband and children.

I have never gotten a happy Mothers day from my dad (4th mother’s day) and my boyfriend didn’t say happy Mothers day either. The ONLY person who went out of their way to message or call me was my mama.

Next year have her come to your place and celebrate together.

IMHO the husband is teaching their child that his/her future spouse doesn’t deserve respect.

You are wrong. But you got what you wanted it was all about you for the day.

Why doesnt she come to your house and spend the day and you make the choices

You are not in the wrong. Your husband should’ve done something with you and your kids for Mother’s Day, without his mum.

Too bad you can’t work something out. A little something you could put together ahead of time & invite everyone to share. My husband always made my day special when he was home . Roses , a card some candy & a bottle of wine. He is gone now for 10 years but I still have the cards & I read them & toast him with wine I buy myself. Enjoy it while you can, life is short.

Sorry that’s the deal for a while. The morning’s are yours to enjoy with your family and the afternoon is the inlaws.

Nope, not wrong at all. For Mother’s Day, you get to do what YOU want. When the kids are little, it’s all about the little crafts they do, “breakfast” in bed, coupons for kisses/hugs/cleaning, etc. As they get older, its what you want. If your hubby wants to visit his mom, that’s fine. Go or don’t go. But you are NOT the designated babysitter. Do something special for YOURSELF - if he won’t!

Take mom out to dinner on Saturday and Sunday is for you. People do it all the time!

First or second week of September is grandparents day. Let him know his mom has graduated to a grandparent and you can celebrate her then but Mother’s Day is for the new generation of mothers.

No, you’re not wrong! She should realize that you’re a mother too and that it’s not all about her!

You were in the right to stick up for yourself and your hubby should be ashamed not treating you better

Next year book a day at the spa with his card!

No you are not. Your husband had many years with his mother. You are now a mother an entitled to have a Mother’s Day of your liken. I wouldn’t let my kids go. I would have my Mother’s Day with my children. Tell him it’s either me or go sleep with your mother.

My kids try to meet in the middle for all us moms…
Dads should buy the wife a gift until the kids are old enough to make one at home or school ,or until they make money to buy it themselves

Easy solution… Invite her to your home for mother’s day… Then there’s no driving, trees to plant, etc

Your mother in law will be there for ever do you need to think of that

Why can’t his mom come to your house one year?

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No it’s your day also. Sorry you spent it alone

How does Father’s Day work for the family?

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You could go out fir dinner with your husband and child on Saturday then celebrate with his mother on sunday

Maybe next year plan something for his mother for lunch… you and your husband and kids do something for supper. That way you both get a mother’s day.

Dont put too much into Mother’s day. You have a birthday all your own…go celebrate with your family and don’t fret so much over Mother’s day

Or kid he should celebtate with you and go see mom aftetwards

Your mother in law is selfish and your husband allows it.

To the husbands who tell their wives that they are not their mothers - tell them to wash their own clothes and cook their own meals. Many husbands forget that their wives look after them while looking after the children.

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Nooe. You did it perfect, next year, go on a real holiday. No holds barred. With or without your family. You deserve it.

Your not in the wrong you should come first then his mom

Too much has been made of this one day from posters on this page. Me…it was always more about our mothers than me. They were special and I wanted them to know it. They are both gone now and I am glad that we put the emphasis on them.

You did nothing wrong. Could she fly to near where u live for once. You need a celebration of you. Shame on your hubby.

It’s a hard spot, but I wish I had my Mother in law back to do more with her.

I just pick a different weekend. No fuss no muss. This way noone feels slighted.

No you should have a say in this and be also celebrated as well as the mothers of the kids you watched.

Girl, buck everyone elses opinion. You do you, they’ll get used to it. And when you decide, you have to deal with the consequences of your actions!

A call or flowers would have sufficed for his mom for Mother’s Day, or to split the day for both!!!

He could go see his mother the day before and spend the day with you.

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It’s called mother’s day, not wife day

I think your right. You should of did a spa day… relaxed, had a drink & did YOU!

Share the day. Gifts for mom and mil even if it’s just yard flowers or candy or. Batch of Muffins! Keep it easy. Then phone calls to wishmomswell ,happy. That’s good. Then if they you both want to do more plan it all ahead. The person who relegated it to anursing a baby is so out of it. You can manage all three. You,mil,your mom if still alive. It doesn’t have to be a grand show! Just a thought and presence for short times.dont grieve over it. Maybe a movie . It doesn’t have to be a dinner!

Fathers day coming up. Turn about fair play. Do it to him. See how he responds.

Nope. You are not wrong at all. Your hubby needs to understand that just because he came out of her yoni does no make her any more special than you or your own mother. Smfh

So instead of giving you the Mother’s day you deserve…He took them to his Mom’s then left you with all the work at the end of the night? Wow he sounds dreamy…What a dick

In the very end, after she’s dead and gone…will it really matter that much?

Sounds like he is trying to control you, I would have a heart to heart and he would change his ways or else.

Just return the favor when it’s Father’s Day

From experience by your self something nice it’s just a day don’t let her ruin anymore of your days.

Ditto, do it again, you’re the Mom that should come first, THEN his mom

Could you have lunch time with her and her family and dinner with you and your family? Mother’s Day is never just about one mother if there is more than one mother at the party. All mothers deserve to be acknowledged the sane as All fathers deserve to be acknowledged on Father’s Day.

Make mothers day yours. Take mother in law out to eat the Saturday before mothers day.

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Well has kinda been the senior moms get recognized…then when they are gone we take over

Your husband should’ve figured out somethg and celebrated you too.

You didn’t mention if your mother is alive, if she is what about her?

Where is Dearly’s response? That is the one I want to see.

Remember on father’s day to do it to him

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Since I am mouthy. I will leave this on the table. Don’t kiss your husbands ass to kiss your mother in laws ass. And don’t do a thing for him on Father’s Day. If he says something about it. Tell him Karma sucks don’t it.

When we marry, we need to be open to compromise.

No , it is your day and spend it they way you want .

You got what you wanted…Mother’s day to yourself.

My husband always bought me something but not this year.

No you’re NOT wrong sounds like your mother in law is conniving. Years ago I told my husband you need to take the girls so they can get me something for Mother’s Day. He told me you’re not my🤬mother. So I stood up and said well your mother isn’t mine. So I’ll be returning the gift I bought her and your on your own cause I won’t ever do it again.

His Mom isnt gonna be around forever…Your being a brat…you should be Happy you have family to celebrate with…When you get older your gonna hope your kids come home to you…

When your children are adults, are you going to want them to spend every Mothers Day with you or with their spouse?