I found out in March that my Husband had an affair with someone at work. It was a short one(only 3 months) and they were only physical one time. We have a little boy together and one on the way. I debated over and over if I should leave or try and work it out. Overall divorce did not seem like the option I wanted. I didn’t see it as beneficial to anyone in the situation and felt things could still be repaired but knew it would be hard. Hurt people, hurt people. I knew for him to do something like that(which was SO out of character) he had to be really hurting and lost. Sure enough he was diagnosed with dysthymia not even a week after I found out. He’s been on medicine and we both do therapy which has helped a lot. We have learned to be a lot more open and not push feelings or things aside with each other. Some days are still harder than others, and we are still in the process of healing. I would not wish the heartbreak/cheating on any relationship but I do see where going through it changed us and our relationship for the better. Not sure if you are religious or not but I asked for prayer from anyone who I knew would pray without judging him because ultimately I believe God is the only one who can truly change hearts in this type of situation. In my opinion we are all sinners and fall short of God’s glory. I prayed daily(and still am) for both of our hearts and healing. Now if it ever happens again you bet I would be long gone. I took a lot of time thinking about how easy it would be to cheat if the situation arrised and I was in a bad place mentally. It could happen so easily. Once you realize that and work through the pain, healing can begin.
Ultimately the choice is yours and you need to do what you believe is best. Take the time and space you need to figure out what’s best for you and your family. If you do decide to stay please feel free to reach out. I do suggest that if you do choose to fight for your marriage that you surround yourself with people who will uplift your marriage and spouse, not judge them and tear them down.
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I could never move forward if that happened. I’d never get over it
You probably shouldn’t. If you can cut losses now, do it now.
If he was doing this secretly and you had zero idea that tells you right there what type of person he is and will always be. He will put you in more pain. Guaranteed.
Honestly- don’t do it. Leave, walk, skip, run away as fast as you can. Stay civil for the child but make it very clear HE is the reason you both couldnt be together because he wasnt mature enough to come to you about thoughts or feelings of cheating in the first place to end the relationship so he wouldnt have cheated. This is HIS problem. Leave and dont look back mama
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I was married for a year when I caught him cheating and I left.
With my ex, he did it again and showed many red flags he was planning to do it more (probably was but I was dumb af)
Tiger never changes its stripes even if you shave it … Honeslty run! Theres better guys out there for you
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Been there exactly and he will do it again. The trust is completely gone.
I’ve been cheated on more then once in my relationship (13 years) He’s been caught and yes I have stayed with him. Some say I’m stupid for doing so but I can say I’m honestly in love with him. I have a really good friend tell me “You love who you love and it’s your choice on how and if you want I make it work”. It is hard but life is hard also.
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Yup and it happened again.
Speaking from personal experience it would be a leave and never return for me. Was cheated on. Ended up with an std. I almost killed myself because of everything.
If I were to EVER stay after someone cheated on me the list of demands they’d have to stick to for a life time would probably make them leave. He’d lose all social media privileges. He’d have his phone monitored daily. All passwords would be given to me to monitor everything. He’d be under scrutiny and picked over with a fine tooth comb. If check his car mileage and make sure he wasn’t driving anywhere extra. We’d do counseling every day of the week, with him paying for every session. He’d pay for my every insecurity that came from the cheating.
Honestly I don’t have time for all that though, id just leave. Cause that’s a second job, having to baby sit a spouse that should love you unconditionally, specially when you already have a child.
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You are worthy of love, you are worthy of faithfulness…
The hardest thing I have ever done? Is walking away from someone I still loved, because they betrayed me.
Be strong!
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Only you know what you will tolerate … he had addressed the issue… He is still in the wrong and now the power is in your hands… You are the only one that knows the right answer! Everyone’s situation is different!! Do what is best for you!
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I stayed with a man for 5 years even after I knew he cheated multiple times with multiple girls the whole time. He always said sorry… He made it out to be my fault in the end.
Best decision of my life was to leave him and kick him out. I paid for everything for 5 years. It may seem impossible right now but do want is best for yourself and daughter.
If you were married I’d say pray about it and go to God but since you are dating and not married I would say it is time to move on even if it hurts. And even now lean to God and pray for healing to your heart.
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Been there and i stayed, he got her pregnant. It was hell and he kept doing it with other women. If i could do it over again, id have run.
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Most cases cheaters will cheat again, but there are scenarios where the cheating was a symptom of relationship issues rather than something as simple as he’s a cheater. Its difficult but if you are considering staying it is important to take a good hard look at yourself and the relationship as well as the other person.
Communication is key. If he really wants the relationship to work he has to not only take responsibility for his actions but be willing to work with you to figure put why they happened. Most cheating happens due to selfishness and the fact that humans are hardwired to always want more, but it can also be a result of one person feeling like there is something lacking in themselves or the relationship.
In the end it comes down to both parties being brutally honest with themselves and each other.
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Yes…got cheated on after 9 years of marriage and 3 kids. After much begging and sobbing i stayed. What little respect he had for me disappeared. I managed another 3 years of hell and then couldn’t do it anymore. Im not going to advise on what to do cos everyone is different. Mine was an asshole before cheating and a worse one after. For me, leaving was the best decision ive ever made.
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Here’s what I have to say …
My girlfriend in high school would take back her cheating ex constantly . HE is the one who told me that he stayed with her and kept cheating because she allowed it and would always take him back.
And that day , I learnt that you put up with what you allow to happen .
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Yes and years later it happened again. 15 years of marriage and a family spilt apart. Dating world isn’t too much better though. Don’t have high hopes in meeting anyone for a good while. 7 years divorced and still single because dating world is horrible.
For thoae saying people dont change- I was the cheater. I saw how it destroyed my fiancee, and qhen we got back together I made a vow to never cheat again, and I haven’t and will not. People change if they want to
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My husband (bf at the time) cheated when I was 7 months pregnant with our 1st son. And then 2 weeks later after he was born. I forgave him after revenge and we married (big mistake). We had another son in 2014. In 2019, I found out he cheated again (made out) with some hoe & slapped another girls ass at a party. He later then confessed he made out with another woman at another party and slapped another girls ass back in 2018 while I was over seas. I was torn & jumped into a relationship to help me feel better & get him jealous. But he jumped into a relationship & I got heart broken & begged him back. He mistreated me and told me how special she was to him. I fought for my marriage. It’s been 1 year of fighting for my marriage & I am now pregnant with our first daughter. He is still a shitty ass husband who verbally abused me. Moral of the story, I was hoping & praying he would change. I was a great wife & mother. Some men just don’t change once they’ve cheated.
Is he only sorry and crying coz he got caught? IV been cheated on over and over and believe in once a chest always a chest x
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Yep. Tried for almost 3 years after I found out and realized when I wanted another child but couldn’t see myself having one with him because I still had no trust for him that it was time to leave.
I stayed… And I learnt it’s categorically the biggest mistake you can make, and you will only ever live to regret it! Over time you will also destroy a part of you that you need to trust and enjoy any future relationship … I left eventually and the relief is still overwhelming!
Do not stay trust me , been through this twice , also kids involved , 12 years i ended up wasting my life on 
that ill never get back x
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Make your conditions and expectations very clear regarding transparency with messaging and social media accts. If he is serious & respectful about working through restoring your trust, he shouldn’t have a problem with giving you access to his phone and devices. His reaction will tell you a lot about where to go from here.
Once the trust is broken… Is gone!
Cheats once will continue to cheat. Good luck.
most of the time cheaters will do it again.
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Yep worse desicion of my life once a cheat always a cheat, he knows he can get away with it once he’ll do it again and again and again and again yes it hurts like hell to leave but he clearly doesn’t respect you enough if he’s out cheating and don’t belive the lies that he’ll never do it again cos they always do and then because they’ve done it they become paranoid n start acusing you x
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Yes, I stayed- COUNSELING!!! get it, I wish we had, now we are past the point and I’ve ‘forgiven’ but will not forget and there are still days that I struggle and ‘check-up’ on him… good luck sister!
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Once a cheater always a cheater. He will do it again. If hes cheated because of problems between u 2 who’s 2say hes not going 2 do it the next time u have issues. If there is no trust there is no relationship and ur just going 2 find urself going through his things looking 4 an argument. It just isnt worth the time or the pain. Goodluck girl it’s up 2 u what u do no decision will be easy
18 years. Found out 9 years of that he had been cheating. I tried to stay, but it was always in my head. It was so hard to trust him and believe he wasn’t cheating. To feel enough again was never there.
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I did. It is a lot of work on both parties
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Cheating is one thing i cannot forgive so no if my significant other cheated unfortunately I’d take my broken heart, my kids and start over. No one deserves that shit. Please don’t accept less than you deserve.
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I did… & im still not over it. You will never be able to fully forgive him but you have your moments of forgetting your partner cheated. Once you remember what your partner has done you eventually end up feeling super crappy all over again 
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Personally for myself I couldn’t forget. I couldn’t let it go. I always wondered when he was touching me if he touched her the same way, said the same things, kissed her the way he did me. It hurt to much, I’d cry after we would sleep together after he cheated and I didnt wanna live that way.
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It will never be the same and you will always have those trust issues.
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Cheaters could not be trusted
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I have and my advice is RUN.
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I’ve tried but in the end couldn’t do it. It just never goes away.
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I wouldn’t be able to stay but that’s just me. A relationship is built on trust and by cheating that trust is gone. Trust gives you safety and stability. There is no relationship without it.
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Ultimately it’s your choice. But here are a few things to think about and consider:
1). Is he sorry he got caught or is he giving you full access to everything and cutting off all communication with this other woman and disclosing everything you want to know?
2). What would you want your daughter to do if she caught her boyfriend/husband cheating? Whatever you do you’re either teaching her that behavior is okay and that her/your worth doesn’t matter and that cheating and lying and being dishonest and sneaking around is okay. I’m sure as a mother you’d encourage her to find someone that treats her better and respects her and the relationship and commitments they’ve made.
Personally I’d kick his ass out. And get myself tested.
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It’s a big decision but alot of couples do it…gotta be careful and respectful of each others feelings…I’ve seen it happen and its possible
I tried and just ended a relationship over it. I got obsessed with the fact that he would do it again (which he did). It was so emotionally draining and now that we aren’t together… it still hurts but the insecurities are starting to slowly go away. It not for the weak hearted which obviously I wasn’t built for it but maybe some therapy and hard work can make some magic happen.
I was with my partner for 5 years then find out he had a whole entire other partner behind my back for 3 of those years… I stayed… for awhile trying to make it work… but it never goes away and it’s never the same as it was. Wish I’d left when I first found out
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I did. And it took many years to forget, and there’s still times where I get upset about it but we’ve both done alot of growing and changing and he has shown.me I can trust him again. It takes a long time to get to that point and I still have moments where I get insecure but at the end of the day nobody is perfect and everybody fucks up. I’m not saying cheating is justified in any way but relationships can recover from it.
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Dr Phil-The best predictor fo future behavor is past behavior !! The sooner the better to start over.
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Girl that’s a loaded question… should you leave ?..yes absolutely you deserve better , but in the actual real world when you love someone you the normal person forgets that .
Now with this being said if you choose to stay and forgive him you can’t throw it in his face daily or remind him of it when your pissed because then y’all become toxic and that’s not good for you or your baby …( I did this and fucked up bad , I hold grudges ) !
I would weigh about what’s going to make you happy inside and out long term making this decision… take some time it’s not a hurry to figure it out either , there’s no time line in figuring out what’s best for your soul
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Make a plan to leave, find you a man that is willing to snap a few “dirty” pics with you, send them to the douche who has been cheating and then go find you someone better (after you heal of course)
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Yes I did, all I have to say is you will never completely heal from it and there would never be 100% trust. Do you want to live your life like that ? Xx
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If you’re going to stay…make sure you get even😉
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I think honestly it depends on the person. I could never take someone back after they cheated. One thing you have to realize it will never be how it used to be. You’re always going to question if he’s with someone. Its going to be hard. You have to really think about it.
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U can stay but there will always be that part of you that will never trust him again…and it drove me crazy to live like that for 13 years…it took that long of his cheating that I said enough is enough!
Met someone else and the first few years seemed great…was faithful …but now he has added tons of women to Facebook and keeps his phone on silent and locked…says he only wants friends…and in my book talking to others is cheating!!!
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I would not be able to stay bc I’m not trying to sit in jail for homicide. I’m psycho
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A boyfriend is not a husband so “cheat back”
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We don’t know the depths of your relationship together, what you’ve been through together. You do what you do.
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I did. It didn’t work. You will never fully forgive him or look at him the same way. It ate me alive an ruined me so much. Nothing was the same after an well of course I broke it off as hard as it was. I cried for weeks but my mental health was 10x better and i was 1000x happier.
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Please go to therapy together. Then make your decision.
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I did and it never stopped. I tried to make it work but there were so many trust issues on top of other things that weren’t right in the relationship. I left him, eventually. But ultimately, only you can decide what is best for you and your family. Like others have mentioned, it will never be the same.
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If you stay you’re given him permission to do it again
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No, and I don’t think you should either. You will never be able to trust him, and you deserve better than that.
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I did … After she cheated with a female and a male and not at the same time, years apart. 25 years of marriage this Feb.
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Yes been together 6 years and have been through a lot of hell but we also have two kids and just put them first
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I have. Its doable but very hard. Honestly, its better to just leave but its your decision. You can try and if you feel you cant then its never to late to end it.
I’ve seen lots of people stay/go back but not any of them happy … I ended a 7 yr relationship (1yr marriage) before it’s so worth the happiness imo
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The older I get the more I understand why Lorena Bobbitt did what she did…Although though it wasn’t related to him cheating. I still understand! Like damn,it is 2020…Why sneak around? Its too many diseases going on around here.
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I did. Well he did it back when we were 2 years into the relationship. I was 17 and stayed for the wrong reasons. He was 18 we had a kid together already. But I can honestly say we both matured and grew and our relationship is so different from what it was. Haven’t had any issues and I trusted him 100 percent. We were kids and now we are adults and people do change and people do make mistakes. But only you know him and know what he is able to change or not and if it’s worth it or not. I believe in 2nd chances. I have changed myself not in cheating but like in other ways that I know I wasn’t ok. We are now 12 years in.
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Yeah. I did. And it just continued to happen. Best thing I ever did was leave.
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Depends on the person. Personally no. You’ll never be able to trust him nor should you. Same with a man that has an affair with you while in a relationship, why would you want a cheater. Once a cheater always a cheater. Decide if you can live with someone that always has to have more.
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I think you should always do what’s right in the situation no ones perfect not every situation is perfect things happen and if you can work it out and you can forgive you should do exactly what you wanna do and not what society thinks u should do
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We all have our normal until we don’t. Then we would never accept that as normal ever again!
My boyfriend of over 10 years was cheating for the last year of our relationship all while still telling me we were fine. We have a daughter. Bought a house together and were actually planning a wedding. Staying as long as I did after I found out about the other women was the worst mistake I made. It didn’t show my daughter a good example. It took something so hurtful and mind blowing to finally push me out and I moved and packed up my things and my daughters and started a whole new life and home within 5 days. We are now the happiest we’ve ever been and as hard as it will be to explain it to her later I know she will see how strong I was and I did it so she can see her mom HAPPY and not afraid or being manipulated. It’s hard but I promise things get better. Whoever you are I’m here if anyone needs an ear 
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I been with my boyfriend for 9 years with two kids and we have our ups and downs for sure but cheating is such a big betrayal of trust I don’t think I could do it no matter how many years I been with him or the fact that I have kids with him in fact those are reasons right there that should stop those temptations but I hope you make the best decision for you
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I tried to take mine back after a year but it wasn’t the same. I was angry at him, didn’t trust anything he said, and was no longer attracted to him. We even tried to go to counselling but we ended up breaking up for good. In my case it wasn’t worth the anxiety
Yes and we broke up almost 3 years later because he cheated again screwed me over on the apartment we shared for over 8 years too
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Nope. My husband of 28 years cheated and I was gone! Do it for you! We have 4 kids and 2 grandbabies and I want to teach all of them that we deserve better!!
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If a spouse partner boyfriend girlfriend whatever Cheats onced they will cheat again put his ass out the door
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If an addict can change so can a cheater. All bad habits, mistakes and decisions can stop if the person wants them too. Just don’t let him fool you twice
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A cheater doesn’t stop cheating because they got caught! The only way I would stay is if he came to me and apologized before getting caught, with true remorse and then went to counseling.
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i did for 8 years wasted my life and kids for the pos to screw anything with a vagina wanted to live with me and kids yet sleep with her i said hell no forced him out she was okay with it because it was for our son he claimed almost 4 years later he could give a shit less about him and i hear cheats on her they got married they deserve eachother. leave you deserve better!!! he will do it again they always do hes just upset he got caught . there is no relationship without trust .
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I did… only for more cheating to occur.
I’ve been with my husband for 8 years now, we have 3 kids, and he is my best friend but best bet I would kick his ass out in an instant. But we have always had a rule that if you don’t love me enough not to cheat then I won’t love you enough to stay and we agree on it so he would do the same to me. In my mind if you are unhappy enough to do something that can literally end it all and then come around lying and hiding and acting like it never happened then you just don’t need to be together that’s not happiness and it sure as hell isnt love and there’s no point in dragging it on and beating the dead horse.
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Yes my husband cheated when we were first married. I stayed and we had 50 years together afterwards as far. I knew he never did it again
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13 year marriage 5 affairs all at different years of our marriage got 1 pregnant we had 3 kids together not worth it. If he gets away with it he will do it again and again. It’s hard but you are worth more than that. Walk away. Love finding you.
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Nothing is worth your peace.
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Pretty sure since you guys have a child he has to leave… id definitely speak with a lawyer as soon as possible, nothing will ever be the same, and 9/10 the cheater cheats again
I would never be.able.to trust him again For my self I would kick him out
let him stay with the other women. He’ll do it again on you if you take him back.
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I was with my child’s father for 3 years before I found out I was Prego. Turns out he cheated the whole time. I left him when our daughter was 7 days old. He was a shit dad most of the time. By time she was 7 years old, he started to act like a good dad even dated a female that respected my child and myself (rare to come by with him) they ended their relationship and him and I decided to work on things. After like 2 weeks, he started messing with my neighbor and multiple other people. Just leave now.
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My husband of 12 years cheated. I found out later he had been doing it the whole time. I wanted to stay in the marriage initially. I was absolutely devastated. New house and 2 kids but he wanted the other woman. He cheats on her now too. You can’t trust someone that cheats especially if you never even saw it coming. My belief is he’ll do it again. Sob all you want…he betrayed you period. I would never do that to anyone. I’m suspicious of my current husband all the time. I hate that feeling. You’ll question him until the end. You won’t trust him ever.
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Yes. And even after seeing the mass destruction it caused our family, he kept going back. Cheated initially 2017. Cheated agai 1 weekend while I was pregnant 2018. Spoke to her all summer 2020
I left this weekend. Fuck this noise.
And she a northern PA broke fat trump living hillbilly and hes an educated fit Indian making 100k+ a year.
She sucks dick.
I do. But not his uncut cheesy smelly shit. And I finally told him this weekend his dick stink like death and that’s why. …as I walked out.
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Think of it this way. Not only did he cheat on you, he cheated in your daughter. He deceived you and your child. He soiled that trust. Would you protect your daughter? Would you put her in harms way? No. I’m sure you wouldn’t. But if he’s making poor decisions like that. How can you trust he’s being the best father? Just my opinion! I hope whatever you choose it gets better!
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Only YOU can answer that question. No matter what anyone else says… YOU!!
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Sometimes ppl who cheat want to get caught so you will end it…
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I stayed with my husband after he cheated. It’s something you can never fully get over. You can sort of forgive but never forget. If I had it to over I would have left
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I just found out that my bf was lying to me and hiding the fact he had another girl back in the states. We were only together for 9 months but he had me feeling like it was so much longer than that. For me I have to love myself and respect myself more not to believe anymore of his lies or excuses to why he lied.
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He’s sobbing cause he got caught, leave him, kick him out of YOUR house, and DIVORCE him.
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been their done that they never changed as in two marriage years down the toilet and lots of therapy 
