Having a struggling mom moment and need some other moms opinions

I have two boys one 15 and the other 11. My 15 year old is the one I’m struggling with, their father and I are separated and have been for 9 years. I purchased my son a cell phone last year, as he’s been bugging for one and I felt it was time. Months later when he goes to his dads he lets it go dead for days, doesn’t touch it for days even… I asked what the issue is he shrugs his shoulders and tried to tell me when he’s over there he wants to spend time with dad. I honestly feel like this is an excuse. Their father is not someone you can talk to, so I cant ask him. He’s never on the same page as I am with the kids regardless of the situation. My son has said the cell phone is not an issue with his dad. I’ve explained that a cell phone is a privilege and it’s also for safety (school shootings, incase someone is late picking him up, feeling sick, forgetting homework… etc.)
I’ve taken the cell phone away before and he didn’t seem to really care, then he wanted it back cause he said he needed it to contact his friends and incase of an emergency. I have my son signed up for drivers training next month, I’m honestly contemplating canceling it… if he can’t keep a cell phone charged like he’s asked then how am I going to allow him to drive?? Please help… I’m at a loss and really struggling.

46 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Having a struggling mom moment and need some other moms opinions

I don’t really see an issue here. I mean yeh he needs to keep it charged incase of emergencies etc, just explain that to him, I don’t think he’s done anything punishable tho :thinking:

5 Likes

Just be thankful that he isn’t completely consumed by it! Why be upset that he lets it go dead to spend time with his dad? It’s just a matter of time before he will care about whether it is charged or not.

13 Likes

Take it & stop trying to be the “cool” parent. Either let him be with his dad & calm down or take it. I can’t believe he isn’t contacting friends from his dads. Lol. Makes no sense. If the rules us to charge it & he’s not, take it for a few months. :woman_shrugging:
Personally, when you mentioned he can call you bc he forgot homework, at 15, he has you wrapped.

so he’s not on his cell phone 24/7 & doesn’t charge it & you have a problem with this??? If this is the only thing, he does wrong, count your blessings !!!

6 Likes

Get life360 you can see how charged his phn is before you let him in the car

What’s the issue? :woman_shrugging:t2: I wish that was my kids only issue.

If this was my biggest problem I’d be thankful!!

2 Likes

I get what youre saying. You just want a text or something to know hes okay. Especially if you and the father cant communicate well.
Id talk to him about how you feel while hes over there. If he cant keep it charged then take it away for a few days while hes with you, since hes on it most with you. See if that helps him remember, if not. No driving test. 🤷

Be glad he’s not on it like other teenagers. It’s like their most prized possession!!! Be grateful :sweat_smile:

Those are two total different issues, don’t hold your son back with his license over a dumb phone :roll_eyes:

2 Likes

I don’t see an issue? If he is with his father and wants to spend time with him and not be on his phone what’s the problem? If you had an emergency you would call his father it just sounds like you want to be in control

2 Likes

You’re just mad you can’t control him when he’s at his dad’s. Leave him alone he’s doing literally nothing wrong. You need to back off before you find yourself asking us why your adult son won’t talk to you next. That’s the reality of where you’re headed. I’ve encountered so many people with moms like you. You need to back off, and actually believe him when he says he enjoys spending time with his dad. Even if it’s not the truth so what? That isn’t your parenting time. The phone is a GIFT, and you don’t take back gifts. You can stop paying for his service, but that’s just gonna make him upset with you even more so it’s your choice. Do you want full control, or a decent relationship with your son?

6 Likes

So what you’re saying is you have a problem with your son not having a phone addiction. I’d be pretty proud of my 15-year-old son for not wanting to be on his phone 24/7. And if you’re really that concerned about him while he’s at his dad’s even if his dad is someone who supposedly you can’t talk to I would still be calling him to check on my son

2 Likes

So, your son wanted a phone. You got him a phone and he’s not glued to it 24/7, and that’s an issue? Be glad. I don’t even know what color my kids eyes are anymore because even when I see them, their faces are directed at screens! I understand the whole “in case of an emergency”, and you may not have the best communication with your ex, but I would assume that if there is an emergency while he’s with his dad, his dad would let you know. Have a conversation with your son. He wanted the phone, he got the phone. The phone needs to go where he goes and needs to, at the very least, be charged and on. Even if he takes it to his dads, puts it on the charger and lets it lay on the counter the whole time he’s there. I wouldn’t be making a correlation between phone use and his license though. As mom, your job is to teach him. So teach him. It’ll take a hundred reminders, but like adults, children form habits. From the time my oldest two daughters started driving, I have instilled in them that when they leave the house, they should always have their phone, keys, license, medical insurance card and bank card, if nothing else, because those items are something you should always have on you. It’s your job to prepare your child for the world. I wouldn’t so much stress him not using his phone when he’s with the other parent, but I would stress the importance of him having the phone charged and on him, especially with him about to start driving.

1 Like

This is really coming off as “I’m upset my son would rather spend time with humans than play on the phone” vibes. Why would you take away his ability to learn how to drive over not having a charged cellphone? That is absolutely ridiculous and going way too far. This is something you can TALK to him about, Not stop him from maturing. Also, a cellphone works 2 ways so you can call him and remind him to put it on charge when he’s at his dad’s.

That helps them get motivated keep the drivers ed :+1:

Exactly what is the issue?!

Not sure what the issue is? Would you rather him be addicted to the cell phone like a lot of teens?

He may be charging it and just blocking your number. :woman_shrugging:

2 Likes

All yall saying leave him alone ain’t had 10 missed calls from you’re own momma

Growing up that was my reason for even getting a phone was school & family as well friends but he’s 15 she pays the bill she has the say to take it or not. If he’s not keeping it charged at his dad’s then that’s on him

2 Likes

How often does he see his dad? Maybe he genuinely wants to spend time with him. Just because his dad isn’t someone YOU can talk to about things, doesn’t mean he isn’t enjoying time with his son while there.
I would text him remind him to charge it. But unless he is in immediate danger with his dad or his dad isn’t capable of spending time with him he doesn’t need to have it if he wants to spend that time with dad.

I would take drivers education away from him simply because he doesn’t always keep his phone charged.

Don’t punish him because of the phone. I did with my daughter and it made things 100x worse. Let him have his time with his dad and leave it alone. If there’s an emergency you’ll be notified I’m sure. I wish I would’ve been smarter about picking my battles with my daughter

Making a big deal out of nothing.

3 Likes

Oh my goodness…. really!!! You have a teenager and his phone going dead is your only issue….wow! Maybe he enjoys himself so much at Dad’s house the phone is not a priority. Maybe Dad has a time limit or rules about the phone that you don’t know about because “you” can’t talk to him (obviously your son can). Maybe he just doesn’t want to be bugged by you or have you blow up his phone when he is at his Dad’s house. Maybe you need to stop finding something to complain about and be grateful a dead phone is the only problem you have with him. Leave the poor kid alone. I wouldn’t be surprised if when he gets his license he doesn’t just sit that “dead” phone on your counter and drive to his Dad’s house for good. :woman_shrugging:t3:

Well, and d just drop the PB be from the bill. Why pay for something not used. Explain the importance of keeping it charged. If he continues after cancel it. If he’s in an accident the police or hospital will call. Trust me. You’ll be notified.

I personally feel that you’re experiencing a form of separation anxiety. Which, to a certain degree is understandable… your baby is growing up. But your baby is also at an age where, he needs you to be okay with him having his own space. My oldest is the same age, and I’ve let him spend a couple weeks at a friend’s house before… he barely talked to me. When boys get together, they do like to just have their time away from girls. Especially when they’re lacking a solid male role model in their lives. If you take your sons opportunity to drive, mom, you’re only going to push your son away. Don’t do that.

1 Like

If he can’t communicate clearly then he shouldn’t have the privilege of driving period.

1 Like

Pick your own battles. This seems so minor. So he wants to spend time with his dad and does not want to be bothered? You should feel lucky this is your only problem with a teenager.

I get it up to a point.
I even understand that keeping it charged, was a condition you stipulated for him…and overall that does make sense.

But after reading this…I feel like maybe there’s a bit more going on here.
I think perhaps taking a step back and really trying to put yourself in your son’s shoes would be a good place to start.
This seems to be an issue primarily when he’s at his dad’s house…so…What is your behavior when he’s with his dad? Do you blow his phone up? Do you make unnecessary snide comments about his dad or how they spend time together?
These kinds of things can really make a child…especially a teen feel…torn, upset, and conflicted…maybe in an effort to spare your feelings and attempt to keep some semblance of peace he just lets the phone die instead.

I’m not saying this is what you’re doing or if you are it’s coming from a malicious place by any mean.
But I would say before making any decisions about his phone or any type of “consequences” to really look at the situations from all sides and try to find a solution first…you can find a good solution until you find the root problem.

2 Likes

I speculate it is awkward for him to speak to you in the presence of dad and rather likely avoid it all together, so that it doesn’t create issues. If you trust he is ok with dad, let it go. I would be concerned if he exhibits save behavior at home, but if it is only at dad, I would give him space during his visits

1 Like

Jfc are you serious?
Stop the petty jealousy with the ex and work on yourself hun.
Your issues with him are about to spill over into your parenting!

Girl he don’t wanna charge his phone so you’re taking away his right to learn how to drive. You’re sick get a grip. Tell him nicely please keep his phone charged damn. You doing way too much.

He is with his father.
You do not get to dictate the narrative when he’s with him…their his children too!
Now, if there was D.V in your relationship then THAT would be a whole other story, but I think you would’ve stated that in the post…so yer, stop trying to control things…I know we have a bit of a tendency to be a bit extra when it comes to our babies and its hard to loosen the grip n let go a little but you have got to or this will turn into a big problem

The only mom on this planet complaining that their teenager doesn’t spend enough time on the device :roll_eyes:

11 Likes

Seems like your a bit controlling and a tad jealous

3 Likes

Sounds like you are making up reasons to be mad at him and a bit jealous he wants to spend time with his dad. Read the nonsense you just posted. Everything was wrong with that. You shouldn’t be taking his driving privileges just because he wants to spend time with his dad and because you can’t control his every breath. Get some counselling

5 Likes

My boyfriends sons phone literally just sits on the table till it goes dead when he’s here also. He doesn’t touch it. He’s loved and taken care of and entertained.
On the rare occasion his mom really needs to get a hold of him, if it happens to be dead, she just reaches out to one of us to have him throw it on the charger, and the problems solved. Super simple.
Maybe reach out to your ex if there’s a time you sincerely have something that can’t wait to be communicated. Otherwise I’d just be glad that your sons dad also provides a loving and comfortable environment for him.

5 Likes

Holy crap lady. Hes spending time with his dad. Sounds like a total you problem.

1 Like

Be grateful he is not addicted to his phone

1 Like

When you kids started to drive. I got them a prepaid cell phone and a minutes, after that if they wanted minutes they pd for them

Leave him alone, and be his mother. He’s not on his phone all the time, he doesn’t have friends probably that’s should be your concern and he needs your love and not forcing him to be on a phone a be reminded no one texts him. Let him be

Be happy he’s not been sucked into it like so many others. If your worried about him when he’s at his fathers and you can’t reach his line, call the fathers.

2 Likes

I agree to cancel the drivers training. You have valid concerns for safety and he needs to take his privileges more seriously and show some responsibility. This has nothing to do with his Dad. It’s his responsibility and he’s old enough to be held accountable for his actions. He should be handling his responsibilities and priorities wherever he is; at his Dads or a friends, school etc.
All your asking is that he keep his phone charged and that he is reachable. It’s reasonable.

There are chargers made for cars these days. Its possible his dad doesn’t want him to have the phone. Get some cheap charging packs for him for a late Christmas gift. They have 8000 ones for like $10 at Walmart. Get a few and keep them charged for him.

I’m not understanding why you’re so upset? My 13 year old stays on the phone, and I have to ask him to put it down. I say be thankful

3 Likes

Honestly, what is the issue? He was with an adult. He didn’t need the phone while he was with his father. When the kid is with his dad, he should be spending time with his dad, not hanging on his phone. Just remind him to keep it charged and drop it.

1 Like

Wow most parents would kill to have a teen who doesn’t want their phone. Taking away the drivers Ed because he doesn’t want the phone I think is a bit much

4 Likes

The cell phone it’s not a necessity but I do believe knowing how to drive in case of an emergency is a necessity so yeah

1 Like

My first assumption would be the potential for bully or harassment from other kids who got ahold of his contact info. He didnt want to get anyone in trouble but also didnt want to deal with the drama. (Maybe a girl who doesnt get the hint?)

But also, your behavior is excessively controlling. People were driving way before cell phones, and he can too. Stop promising your child “privilages” and then taking them away without justification because you dont think he applies his privilages the way you think he should. Hes at the age where explainations need to be made, conversations need to be encouraged, and punishments shouldnt be handed out as the only behavior correction. He is old enough to start making choices for himself - and its entirely possible he is making the choices he is despite your punishments because the temporary peace he gets is what he desperately needs.

Stop being “in charge” of him and sit down and talk to him like a human. Get to know him. Show him who you are, as a person, not just a mom. Build an actual connection and bond, and itll be a whole lot easier to address these issues with him instead of internet strangers.

5 Likes

He wants to enjoy his dad time and you’re mad. What is the emergency that you have to call while he’s there anyway?

4 Likes

Why do you need to talk to him when he’s at his dads on his dads parenting time. If he’s old enough to drive he’s old enough to speak for himself when he’s over there. I’d be happy my kid wasn’t so attached to an electronic and his phone so much.

I understand the safety thing but people of any age don’t need to live on their phones

4 Likes

I truly don’t get this post. Who cares?! Be happy he’s not on it constantly! I think this is more of a you issue than him. I think you need to rethink why your upset!

2 Likes

You seem all over the place with this.Whats the issue??

He’s very clearly not mature enough for such responsibilities. I wouldn’t want to be on the road with a 15 year-old kid like that! I would definitely cancel Driver’s Ed until he can show and prove to you that he’s responsible and mature enough for ADULT actions and responsibilities!!!

1 Like

Be careful how you handle things he’s at the age he could choose to live with this time tell him he has to keep his phone charged in case you would have an emergency and need to reach him and also if you can’t keep the phone charged he wouldn’t be able to be responsible to drive because he would need that phone in case of emergency when in the car

Okay, I understand that he wants to spend time with his dad and that’s totally fine. When my adult children used to spent time with my ex husband, I didn’t bother them, specially when me and him didn’t get along. That’s their Father Time with them…. BUT don’t let him manipulate you when is convenient to have the phone only to call his friends and ignored who pays that phone bill. Ungrateful lil brats. Keep it real, and if he doesn’t wants the phone, that’s fine. But let him learn the hard way.

You lost me @Seperated for Nine years…but if your son Doesn’t wanna use his phone all the time thats on him…and then you say you won’t let him drive if he doesn’t use a phone??? Who needs to Grow Up Ma???

3 Likes

Cris Day you wouldn’t want to be on the road with someone who doesn’t obsess over their cell phone? How does a charged cell phone make you adult/mature and a good driver?

2 Likes

You should be glad he’s not playing on the phone 24 ;7 that’s all most kids do know

5 Likes

Do you blow up his phone when he’s with his dad? Because I feel like you probably do. Chill.

6 Likes

I think it’s a good thing that he’s not always on his phone. I can see how it would be frustrating but he has it on all the rest of the time right?

1 Like

Girl im having same problem she let’s hers die then wants to get on mine and play and watch videos I got them phones for same reason as they are always at mawmaw’s or a friend or if they need to call me for any reason but everytime I call them its dead or they will ignore my call because they are talking to a friend I have taken them away for a week at a time they also know I have a app that shows me where that phone is if it’s powered 9n so I’m pulling out my hair right now we just got them new phones one got the iPhone 13 pro max and the other the galaxy s21 but im seriously thinking about not giving them to them yet the struggle is real

I dont understand the problem. Dont take his drivers ed away. When he’s with you explain that if he leaves the house he needs to have a charged phone. If he wants to hang out with friends and his phone is dead he can’t go. But at his dads, let his dad parent.

7 Likes

If something happens he’s with his dad then the dad can contact you

2 Likes

So while every other parent is complaining they cant get their kids to put down their phone, get off social media and and learn how to have normal conversations face to face. Your throwing a fit because he doesnt care about the phone and social media because his phone is never charged. And you are threatening to take away drivers training. Wow Id be thankful my child isnt distracted by his phone while driving and buy him a car charger in case of emergencies… Maybe he is actually spending time with Dad because you make some pretty unreasonable demands. He is with his dad, call his dad if you need to talk to him…

7 Likes

Um I think your over reacting a lot. He wants time with his father and not be blown up by you. It’s literally that simple.

7 Likes

Seems to me the issue is YOU. Go back and read your post.

7 Likes

A cell phone isn’t a necessity and maybe he likes it but it isn’t a priority for him like it is you. A cell phone is not even close to the same responsibility as driving. I’d think you be proud of the fact that your kid won’t have a phone issue while driving helping him to be safer… I’m seriously dumbfounded that you want to take a program aimed at helping him be the best driver he can be over a cellphone bc he’s not obsessed with it. This is a you issue, it kind of comes across as controlling… maybe anxiety driven?!? Idk.

Also maybe dad doesn’t talk to you bc he doesn’t want to but his relationship with this kid doesn’t involve you and is separate from your relationship with dad.

4 Likes

Seriously? Be glad he’s not on it!

2 Likes

I really don’t see a problem. When he is with his father he doesn’t need his phone charged. If there is an emergency his father can call you or you can call his father. That is really a dumb reason to cancel his driver Ed. But what you have expressed The only problem I see here is you not having control when he is with his dad.

2 Likes

Hm I mean I am still bad about that to this day I am the kinda person who when I am around people I am not on my phone I say you should still go through with the driving classes he might charge his phone more as we gps everything these days

Be glad he isn’t consumed by it like my son and he actually is enjoying his time with his dad. Ask him to charge it, tell him check it once a day if you text and be good with that or take it back. He doesn’t really need one if he isn’t driving yet anyway.

1 Like

First time I have seem a mom complain about a teen not being glued to his phone. I fail to see why lack of being glued to a cell phone constitutes no drivers ed I would think that not wanting to be on the phone would be a good thing especially while driving. Also just because YOU can’t talk to his father does not mean your soon 2 can’t have conversations with his father.

4 Likes

Technology has ruined kids. He’s making a smart decision to not NEED his phone. You should be proud of him. Driving is important for his future not a phone.

3 Likes

I honestly think you’re making this a big issue and it’s not that serious. If hes at his dad so what if he isnt using his phone. His dad is there and I’m sure friends have phones incase of an emergency. This seems more a control issue on your end. Maybe Gentle Parenting has some good advice.

Just like anything else in life, teach the routine of charging it nightly and keeping it with him or a designated spot. New privilege, new responsibility. It’s good he’s not always on it, but irresponsibility has consequences. Drivers Ed will be another new routine, don’t take it away.

2 Likes

I learned to drive just fine without a phone. In 1988….

1 Like

Just teach him that part of going to bed is plugging in the phone. Most last 24 hours especially since he’s not playing on it.

1 Like

Sounds like you just want some control while he’s with his dad.

7 Likes

You are ridiculous. He GAVE YOU HIS REASON. He wants to spend time with his father! Probably without you bugging him constantly! Leave them alone. If something goes wrong they will contact you. Be happy you have a child that ISNT glued to their phone. Jeez the shit y’all complain about…

I have this issue with my oldest son too. However, if he’s with his dad I wouldn’t worry, if he needs you his dad can contact you. Be happy he doesn’t want to spend all his time on his phone. It sounds more like an issue of you wanting to maintain contact while he is with his dad, which is understandable as he’s your son and you miss him, however he is with his dad and should focus on time with him.

3 Likes

He’s disconnecting his “leash” when he goes to his dads, a teenager that lets his phone go dead is as rare as bigfoot, he thinks your overparenting and is choosing to take a break from you

9 Likes

Why you wanting to blow up his phone when his at his Dad’s house…?? Is the question… when his home at your house plug the phone in and charge it for him…his 15 not 5… Unless there is an emergency you don’t need to be blowing up his phone.

3 Likes

My oldest is still too young for a cellphone but i would rather him not be glued to his electronics and need it on him 24/7. If he needs something or there is an emergency im sure he will call.

1 Like

Im completely opposite i praise my child for not being on hers 24/7. Taking away his driving lessons is brutal especially since the law is not to be on your phone.

6 Likes

… grow up sorry.

Sounds like you just want to be in control when he’s with his father where he should be considered safe. I’m sure if an emergency occured you would be contacted.

This is waaaaay over reacting. You sound really controlling… he is not doing to it make you mad he just wants time with his dad. Time to “unplug”

8 Likes

You’re struggling because he wants to spend time with his dad ? Lol what

3 Likes

So you’re saying it’s for his safety but have also taken it away before as punishment? :joy: lmfao I literally REQUIRE this to be satire you can’t be serious :joy:

5 Likes

He’s 15 he’s with his dad he don’t want mummy mivering him, u can do that when back under your roof, enjoy ya break I’m sure dad will be keeping eye on him, my son ignores his if I call him from downstairs saves shouting him down lmao

5 Likes

Your issue is because he won’t keep it charged and wants to spend time with his dad so you punish him……yea makes no sense he hasn’t done anything wrong for that I think your over reacting a lil your kids could literally be doing anything else like drugs stealing killing people and you’re worried about the phone and just a little bit of time he wants with his dad yeah I don’t think the problem is him I definitely think the problem is you and you overreacting for no reason

6 Likes

Don’t punish him by cancelling Driver’s Ed.
There s a good chance the cell phone deal wasn’t as big of a deal as you, OR he, thought it would be.
If he can get by without one; save your money.
I agree - let ‘dad’ time be dad time …

2 Likes

They grew up and left your house but never forgot any of your issues.
Believe me, I know!
I was too strict with my Daughter and she is just now coming back into my life.
As a homeowner and blessing me with 2 Grandchildren.
Is this the mountain that you want to die on?
Think about the future.
My Daughter acted out and I helped her get a job.
She absolutely changed.
Wanted nothing to do with the losers that she was hanging out with.
Saved money and moved out.
There is that heartbreaking moment of having to let go.
:cry:

:sunglasses::innocent:

4 Likes

You are Definitely overreacting, I don’t see why you would cancel his Drivers Ed. I’m sure his dad has a charged phone where he can call you if there is an emergency. There’s no need for him to have his phone charged if he’s with his dad, unless there’s a safety concern and if that’s the case he shouldn’t be over there :grimacing: You should be proud that he doesn’t feel entitled to have a phone at all times.

1 Like

With all fairness if this is the biggest issue you have with your 15 yo be thankful, he could be doing way more horrible things than not keeping his phone charged. Give him a break.

8 Likes

Uumm your big issue with your 15 year old is that his phone died while at dad’s house. Lucky you :roll_eyes:

2 Likes

He is with his dad, not out galvanizing with his teenage friends. You’re gonna make him hate you.

3 Likes

Wow your control issues are MAJOR.

4 Likes

I think everyone is over thinking your post. It should definitely atleast be charged & you should be able to get ahold of him, regardless who’s house he’s at. Especially seeing Dad isn’t someone you can talk to, but I definitely wouldn’t take it away it’s a good thing that he’s 15 & is not using it that much! I personally don’t want my kids driving @ any age under 18 but that’s my personal preference. Good luck Momma. :black_heart:

1 Like