First of all, it’s your money to not just his, just because he leaves the house does not mean that you don’t also work. You offered to go to work and let him stay home, he said for you to stay home. If your married it becomes “our money”. Just ask. Say I need some spending cash for today. He should have no problem with that. If he does then maybe you really need to talk or tred places. You go to work and let him see how it is to stay home with no money.
I no longer have littles, but am a stay at home wife. We have joint account and I don’t HAVE to ask for anything. I do ask if it’s a large purchase tho. I’ve NEVER been dependent upon a man in my adult life before now. My husband wants me at home tho. I do have a few health issues that makes holding a fulltime job difficult at times. (Chronic headaches and migraines)
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Just tell him to leave it. This is a equal partnership and you’re both adults.
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Just have a talk with him about having spending money I don’t see what the big deal is. Your first mistake is calling it his money and that’s why it’s so hard for you to ask. Just have a talk and say honey babe whatever you call him and say can we talk about you leaving some cash in the house just in case I wanna go buy something or need something for the house and that can break the ice
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Ask for an allowance?
Just take it out of his wallet 
and be like hey I grabbed the 50 you had I’m going to the store later do you want anything. And why don’t you have access to the bank account???
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All sorts of wrong here…sounds like a restrictive relationship …How can u possibly have no money to yourself. Why does he insist on buying everything and why dont u ask if you can do the shopping. Or better still TELL HIM…
“I’LL DO SHOPPING”
and ask for how much u need.
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I would sit down and have a talk with him. You are contributing to your family and you are enjoying your role but need more independence financially. You should come up with a fair number that he should deposit into your own bank account and that is yours only. This is to be separate from bills and groceries. It’s either that or you will start looking for employment soon. Good luck
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Just ask him to leave some home, even if it’s for emergencies. You run out of wipes or diapers, he going to leave work to get it? No. So either ask him or start talking about joint accounts.
just say something along the lines of… hey hun could you leave me a few bucks for the day for xxxx or incase something comes up
Just sit him down and explain how you feel. Maybe even do a little work from home stuff
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Absolutely not wrong of you. After having our first daughter, I ended up not returning to work to stay home with her while he worked full time. I also have always been used to working and having my own money and due to abuse in a previous relationship, asking for money was such a huge struggle. I was afraid and felt ashamed, and at absolute no fault to my current partner. It def was a “me” issue rather than him trying to restrict any of the money or making me feel a way about needing anything. He knows of my previous abusive relationship and how that affected me at the time. We recently got married and although I’m working a little more than I did years ago, not much, I’m still mostly reliant on his income. We now have a joint account so that I could buy and do things as needed, it’s just easier that way for us. I feel like he didn’t understand how much I struggled with asking for money until I spoke about it to him. I really would just suggest that you be honest and communicate with your husband. It worked best for me.
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Discuss getting a joint account and set a limit for things you both need to talk to each other about beforehand. Say anything over $50 you talk to the other person first (only to make sure nothing else is coming out of the account that would make it bounce).
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Say I need money…if he refuses then he is a controlling ass and run …if he says why I get you everything then say I’m getting a job…
No one should be left without any money. Do you drive??? What about gas?? If not and you have emergency what about cab fare…
Or babe gets sick and your in hospital…need money for a coffee, food…
That is very irresponsible of him to leave you with nothing…
Speak up girl
My parents have always had a joint bank account, apparently you don’t trust each other enough for to do that??? My parents been together 35 years. Hmm??
Straight up tell him how you feel. You shouldn’t have to ask for anything. You’re a couple not Molly maid and boss
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This doesn’t sound right to me, seriously he does the shopping and buys everything and what do you say? Thank you honey!!!
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Say hey, I need money. And say it regularly
Tell that mother fucker leave that money on the wood
Just idk ask? He’s not psychic. Speak up. If you feel like you can’t then reevaluate your relationship
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How about asking him? Sounds like your anxious to hear his answer…
Just let him know exactly what you have said here? That you’d like to be able to just go for a coffee or something if you get a chance without having to ask him at work.
Hell, even if you maybe get a joint account JUST for spending money and he can just chuck $50 a week or something in there so you can keep track of it.
It’s not a big deal and I’m not sure why you would think it is? Sounds like he wouldn’t mind just from what you’ve said
You need an allowance for spending. Either cash or a joint checking account so you can get cash to have on hand. Just explain to him like you did here. He sounds very giving should not be a problem. If not get a job and childcare so you have funds for yourself. I went back to work when my son was 3 months. Honestly I missed working cause I have always had a job.
I mentioned receiving an allowance to my husband. Now he just transfers his whole check to me, I handle the Bill’s, and asks me to give him an allowance. His reasoning is that he only has himself to worry about daily and I have myself and the kids.
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Get a job??? I don’t see why you both can’t work… even if it’s just part time
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??? You don’t have a shared bank account? We each kept our own bank accounts when we got married and just added each other the the others act. We have atm cards. If my account is low he will put money in mine or vice versa. Or I use his atm attached to his checking if mine is low. We never ask each other. We just give a heads up "hey babe I took x amount of money out of your account "
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You guys should have already had an understanding prior but due to not having it I say get a mutual account that you both should agree the money is one in the household. No one should feel less than the other. Consult each other when one wants to do a significant purchase. That’s all. In a relationship, you should feel comfortable to tell each other anything. Communication is key.
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I kinda feel you on this. I worked and supported myself before I had my first kiddo, so it was weird when I became a sahm and had to ask, like I needed permission or something lol We ended up just getting 2 bank cards and shared bank account to make it easier.
One night sit him down. Ask him to put aside a personal weekly expense envelope for you. As for the amount that up to y’all but for a week depends on if you do personal grooming like nails hair eyebrows etc, include money for you to have lunch out the home with the baby, or snacks for a walk etc. You can also add light shopping. I don’t think its too much to ask for when you have him a child, take care of the child, home etc. Hopefully he doesn’t put too much of a fuss. Keep us updated
You should definitely be in a joint account if you’re giving up making your own money for his request
It’s both of your money, you both are married to one another. Can’t you just ask him to leave one of his cards for you to use or to pull some extra cash for you?
Just say I want some money, what’s the problem?
Say “I need around 20. a week for incidentals for your child and I and I don’t want to keep asking. So maybe put it in an envelope or tray on my nightstand. Thanks much.”
It can be hard transitioning from being an independent working person to a stay at home parent. There is nothing wrong with wanting a little cash. At the end of the day when you have down time have a talk with your husband . Simply explain that if you want to take the baby to the store or park or even visit a friend, maybe even make him a special dinner that you would like to be able to do that.I’m sure he will be very understanding and the both of you could come to some type of agreement.
Tell him you need a joint bank account an thats it
You are a team. Both names should be on bank accounts, and you should have a debit card. I wouldn’t stay with a man who didn’t have me on all accounts as soon as we got married!
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It sounds like you may have a little bit more of a problem then just spending money. It feels like your relationship isn’t built on equality or mutual respect. You shouldn’t feel intimidated to talk to your husband about anything. It should be as easy as asking him what he wants for dinner. I’m sorry that this is a source of stress for you, that’s unfortunate. But maybe this is an opportunity to start forming a new standard of relationship. Good luck 
You shouldn’t have to ask. He knows you don’t have any cash! This is how he controls you & makes you totally dependent on him!
Just ask him to leave you a weekly allowance. Your job as a stay at home mother is very important and you work very hard in doing just that. He knows you aren’t able to go outside of the home and make your own money. Just ask him to sit down and talk with you about how you feel about the issue and it should be fine. Open your own seperate checking account and he can deposit the money directly into it each week and you will have it when you need something. Don’t worry to much i’m sure he will be very understanding.
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First of all his money is your money to. You are married. And sense he wants you to be a stay at home mom then just let him know you are not comfortable with not having money in case he isn’t there and you want something. Or need something. He should understand this and be happy to give it to you
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Nope nothing wrong with that. He knows you aren’t actually making money. But your job is very important. So having a conversation about an allowance or whatever you want to call it, is necessary and not out of the question. I was a stay at home mom. I DEFINATELY ASKED, especially if it was important. I think if he gets upset and fights you on it, there is an underlying issue that needs addressed.
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Some of you people . . . An allowance, ask him for money . . .he wants her to stay home. What he makes is theirs. She should have equal access to all they have. If he doesn’t agree with that, find a job, a sitter and let him know he does not own you. You are partners in this relationship
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We have joint accounts that I can use whenever I want. I would not be comfortable with that arrangement that you described.
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Talk to him about an allowance, a set amount every week or month, you can spend it or save it, but it’s given to you and used at your discretion.
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I had this problem got tired of it and got a job and my own money. I do. Ot like asking for money from him what funny is I seem to have alot more money now when I keep track of my own money
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I understand the struggle. I went from making $25 an hour to zero. If I ran in the store, I had to hold my hand out like I child. We were on a budget so we would talk about the money we were spending on groceries so that’s what he would give me. I never really cared until a few months of being at home and he was at work, I was spontaneously invited for a playdate with a friend and didn’t have a dime. So when he got home, we just talked about it. He had no idea that I felt badly about it. From that day on, he leaves money on top of our fridge for things like that and its never been an issue again. He’s not greedy, selfish, or unappreciative…he just didn’t realize. Good luck! Most men realize that we work as hard as they do. 
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Yeah my told me to stay home our son 8 now and likewise j don’t need to work ,he makes enough but to him it’s his money …he does buy everytgphing we need etc…but when I ask for little money I get …,go get a job…,well I can only do part time so I get son to go n home when he is, I also have lower back issues so it limits me to what I can apply for ,I just want my own money to spend … again to hubby everything is his ,nothing mine 
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I would just ask. Say similar to the way you typed it here. Tell him you would like to take the baby on a walk and get a soda or a cup of coffee during the week. Explain to him that just getting out of the house for a little bit and being able to do a little something here and there is good for your mental and emotional health. Decide on an agreeable/reasonable amount and suggest that maybe he leaves it in cash for you before he leaves for the week.
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Nothing wrong with it, you need to be put on the account with your own card. You staying home was his choice, it’s likely cheaper than day care and since you are married that money is yours as well.
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When I was in this situation we just had an allotted amount of $$ go into my checking account on his paydays. Then I never had to ask for money if I wanted to purchases something for myself ( including his birthday/christmas gifts) I had the money to do so. We also got a joint account so that I was able to do shopping for the family on that account. It was a challenging transition going from a working mom to stay at home with one income. Just stay honest and open about you concerns keep communication going as it will be an adjustment for your whole family.
Old school… everything went into one account and we paid our bills out it. Never argued about money. We worked together as a team and WE built the team together. Never your money , my money. Sorry but it worked!
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I’m a stay at home mom too, the only thing I ask my husband is if we have enough money to get something if it’s like over $25 otherwise I just use my debit card that is our joint account or I use one of my 2 credit cards that he pays off when he gets paid
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I’m currently a stay at home mom. I’ve never had to ask my husband for money. There have been times when one works and the other isn’t (we both work construction). Our checks always go into OUR account and we both have bank cards. You should never have to ask for money. Life many others have said…
Being a stay at home mom is the absolute hardest job. You work 24/7, many times, without help or breaks. I can’t remember the website, but there’s one where you can calculate what your "salary " would be if your husband had to pay someone for everything you do.
This is how Marriage works, Your money is your Money and his money is your money-Kidding aside, have him give you an allowance after bills are paid. Think of it this way, if he had to hire a house keeper, Cook, laundress, babysitter and accountant ,I am sure I am missing a few things-he could not afford it.
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U need to ask him for a bank card. Just bc ur a stay at home mom doesn’t mean u haven’t earned $ bc he is able to put $ away bc u r a stay at home mom n he doesn’t have to pay a sitter! Girl ur job is worth more. Stay at home moms dont give themselves enuf worth!
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Honestly, that sounds like financial abuse. It is not HIS money. You are his wife and you have a right to be treated fairly. He shouldn’t be controlling every cent you spend.
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I think you need a debit card. You guys could also talk about a weekly allowance of fun money for each of you to spend. We used to each get 40.00 for whatever. Sometimes I used it for groceries but at least I decided that
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Work on a budget of $ u can spend on u and ur baby .as ur baby grows u may be able to join museum, or clubs, etc that cost a little extra. Also our local library has been a gem!
I stay at home no side hustle and bring in no extra funds but I have a certain amount I can spend on the kids and I. Many of the things we do are free/cheap/ or we get memberships to (sometimes grandmas pitch in on memberships like to the childrens museum) and we pretty much stick to those things but it’s nice like u said to be able to go grab a coffee or something while out. I have a certain amount I can spend. Also if we dont use all the $ in our grocery budget for the week I get cash back and save it up for outings or special treats for me and the kids.
My husband makes all the money , he spends a lot too so I dont feel bad about getting cash back if I dont use all of our grocery budget.
It’s a conversation you need to have with your husband. You are working too, you deserve to have some spending money without explaining every purchase.
If he has a problem with it I think there would def be an underlying problem.
Just ask. I work cleaning houses to make myself spending money in which I mainly use for the children, but I don’t make enough for everything. So when I need money I just ask. Normally my dh is pretty cool with leaving me money. Plus some. I tell him what I need it for of course.
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Here’s another OMG . First why do you have to “ask”? Even if you are not working you should not have to “ask”. What kind of man wouldn’t give you money working or not? And money is no problem? Why are you afraid to ask? He needs an attitude adjustment if he makes you feel afraid. Do you not have access to the bank account? If it was reversed would he be afraid to ask you.
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You should have a debit card with a joint account. I’m sure he wouldn’t be comfortable if he were in your situation. Having to ask you for money to buy simple things. He needs to be able to see things from your point if view. You’re not his child, your his wife.
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Talk to him. You should have a card because it is both of your money. maybe he doesn’t realize that you may need or want something when he isn’t around
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You say hey babe leave me some money before you leave just to have in my wallet if me and baby want to go out for the day thanks love ya … it shouldn’t be harder than that and if it is you have one hell of a controlling man
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Honey he should offer. As him wanting to be soul provider it is his Responsiblty to provide for you. He should give you some money or means in a visa of some sort to use while he is gone. If an emergency comes up how does he expect you to handle it? Ask for a debit card or just cash just for such reasons. To me it sounds like he is very controlling. Extream if you ask me. He shouldnt mind. You are taking care of his child. Both of you are parents to this child. Its his duty he placed on himself to provide what you need. Or…just tell him you will hire a sitter and get a job.
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Girl! Just ask! My Hubby is gone out of state for 2 weeks then home for 5-7 days then back out, we have 5 kids and I would die without having money just in case I wanted or needed something. I’m assuming you aren’t on the bank account? I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to ask to be put on it and have your own debit card. This way you have access to money in case of an emergency or anything else that may come up. The way we work it out in our household is that we have a joint bank account, my husband has 3 credit cards that are only in his name and he takes care of making the monthly payments on his phone apps for them( I have the amounts marked on the calander each month so I know how much is due and when). His pay checks are direct deposit and I pay all the rest of the bills from our account so he doesn’t have to stress about all that and since he’s gone so much I take care of the shopping for me and the kids. If either of us want to buy something that’s more than 20 or 40 bucks and it’s just something we want and don’t need them we always consult with each other first. Of course I don’t think either of us has ever said no but I know on occasion I have asked if it could wait until next payday if rent or a big bill has just been paid. This system works amazing for us. Good Luck with everything
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Does he ask your permission to play with y’all child or to eat the dinner you cooked? No?, Then you sure as crap shouldn’t have to ask for money to buy a soda.
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Ummm get a debit card on the account you both should have and then you dont have to worry about “asking for cash”
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Duel checkbooks…separate debit cards. Just be sure that the both of you balance your budget DAILY. That way errors can be corrected immediately.
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You shouldn’t have to ask he should know. Foolishness. Let table turns and see how he would feel
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You are entitled to his money!! Ask him to leave money for you on a weekly or daily basis. But you really shouldn’t have to ask.
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“Babe, can you leave me some money before you go to work.?” 
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Communication is a key to marriage and its both your money not one and all u should do is ask him
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“Hey (((insert husbands name here))), I need some money every week”.
Set a realistic number and ask for that.
More than likely, he’s not aware of it.
If he gives some crazy, “I’ll buy you whatever you need” answer then you know it’s on purpose.
Won’t know until you ask 🤷
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Just ask him when your married his money is yours and yours is his marriage isn’t supposed to have anything separate
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Just ask him? If he willingly buys you stuff dont think he would have trouble leaving you some money just explain it this way so he can understand why you would want to have some money for yourself
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How come u don’t have a debit card to the joint account
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Girl you get your own debit card and use it! You shouldn’t have to ask him for anything!
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Just ask and if he is a good man he will start giving you money. That’s what my husband does he will ask if I need any and if he doesn’t I ask him . It’s a partnership so it shouldn’t matter.
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Just ask him…tell him I may wanna go visit or shopping and u would like to b like other moms…mayb take your child out to park or something it’s nice have little money if u decide u wanna go do something.just tell him how u feel …that your getting burnt out staying home all day ever day…m
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Just ask him. Nothing to feel ashamed of, he doesnt want you to work, so this should be expected by him. If he doesnt like it, then fine. Go back to work. I’m just saying, its unreasonable to expect one to stay home and not work, and not ask for some cash for the week.
Just ask? I take cash from my husband’s wallet all the time. Nothing of ours is split. I dont understand married people who split everything but that’s just me
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Just talk to him. Sometimes men are just clueless. It may not have occurred to him to offer you some. Good communication is a necessary part of any relationship.
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In a marriage all is everyones. If he wants you to raise your child and not work outside of the house then he should not even question what you are using money for especially if money is not a problem.
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I would just ask him I used to have everybody Bryson for me I’m a stay-at-home mom I love it well then he said it would just be good to have money of your own and go out and do things for yourself I understand that
Ima husband and I are new to marriage still don’t have a joint account but I told him he can’t just leave to work and not leave me with money Incase if emergency or whatever he now leave his debit card with me and gave me log info to his bank account so I see everything ,I told him me asking for money make me feel like I’m ask my dad like I did as a kid and it didn’t sit right with me,again though we’re new to this marriage life and those are things that don’t don on you right away,and you don’t need an allowance it’s yours as well
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Just ask him. Explain to him what you told us and if he is a loving and underatanding husband he wont get mad and will be happy to give you money
Sounds like there’s no closeness there. Hell, he’s your husband. You should be able to ask him for anything you need. What’s his is yours and what’s yours is his.
I say talk about how you like how he provides all you need. Then mention that you would be happy if you could have a small amount to spend during the week.
Nope, either he leaves money for you or you grow a set and start using the card or turn the account into a joint. Simple.
It’s NOT his money. The money belongs to both of you. Your husband seems to be a control freak. There’s absolutely no reason for him to purchase everything. He could give you allowance per week etc. to purchase the items for the house. I’m not sure because there’s not enough info from you but please know that when a spouse withholds money from the other it’s call financial abuse. Your situation sounds horrible. Tell your husband that you need a weekly allowance. Explain to him that you would like to be able to purchase things without having to ask him constantly.
Without sounding jerky, just open your mouth and say it. Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have $$ that being said tho, u shouldn’t have to ask
I’m kinda in the same set up but only cause were tight on money times when we have extra then I’ll have money on me
I think the issue is more likely why can u and him can not communicate ?
I don’t think it’s wrong u asking for money. My husband and I have a joint acct and yes the money is both of our and god am I spoiled. But even tho I’m a sahm i still let him know I’m gonna use this much money today. I have my own card and i pay the bills to know how much we have left during the week. Its not wrong to ask or have money for the week for yourself especially if ur not able to work. Good luck
Definitely talk about it with him bc you never want the impression of him controlling you with money… I know he’s not doing that but you have no idea how many women are in similar situations and are being controlled… Let him know how it feels to be without any money… Maybe you could even get a debit card and share the account.
Honestly, the biggest issue I see here is OP reaching out to complete and utter strangers on the internet asking advice on how best to approach her husband about giving her money rather than asking her husband himself leading me to believe there may be a serious lack of communication in thier marriage or she is afraid to ask him. As a matter of fact she shouldn’t have to ask, she should have access to a debit card or credit card. What if an emergency was to occur and the husband wasn’t home? Sounds like it might be a jealous, or posseive husband that wants to keep track of what she is doing and what she is spending money on.
I agree with lesley coster thats how we were for 27 yra before mine passed worked great
When you say I do I believe what ever is his is yours including a joint bank account with a debit card to have access to your account.
I don’t understand why you feel it’s just his money or that you need to ask him. Your name should be on a joint bank account or any account he has. You take care of home and child. Yes he may work but you make his house a home, yes his money may buy the groceries but you cook it and make it into a healthy meal. He should be ashamed of himself for not making sure you have money to do things. He knows what he’s doing, it’s called “control”.
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TF? Ask him to give you money &/or a debit card. If he says no, then tell him you’re going back to work. Period.
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