I’m not sure if this is an option for you or not. Some places have therapy options for kids who have parents that have separated. Everyone needs time & patience to adjust when things like this happen.
I had my Dad walk out on me when I was 6. It was horrific. Kids get scared. Kids have insecurities. I also had my ex cheat on me and leave me and my four kids. They were all devastated and cried all the time. They all used to sleep in bed with me. Instead of focusing on getting her out of your bed, focus on reassuring her that you would NEVER EVER leave her. Constantly remind her of how much you love her. Enjoy this time of her being little and wanting to sleep in bed with her. Trust me, it is a phase and then it is over forever. You will blink and she will be a teenager and want to hang out with her friends all the time over you (which is totally normal) but it still sucks when you feel like you are really not needed as much. Kids grow up. Kids become independent. Enjoy her being little. You are going to blink and she will be off to high school.
Reassurance, take her to do some fun stuff maybe she will get her mind off of it and it would be great bonding for you guys! It’s going to take sometime for her to adjust but just keep reassuring she will get better over time counseling might help
good luck mama
Constant reassurance Mama! It will take a lot of time and may get frustrating but you need to be patient as she adjusts. You made the right, healthy choice. Remember you are healing together and your bond will only grow from this learning experience.
How old is your daughter? This will play a part in how you deal with this. If she’s a little older-get a psychologist or counselling. Younger will be difficult. Either way lots of love and reassurance. Also allowing her to speak to and see her father-or her stepfather if that’s who he is to her. Ask him to talk to her.
Be patient. It wont last forever she is confused. My daughter did the same thing
Alot of reassurance. This is going to take some time for her to adjust . You just have to give her lots of love and support and understanding . He world has just been ripped apart with her father leaving this is hard for children .
Let her see her dad, just because you don’t have a relationship with him anymore doesn’t mean she can’t.
Lots of patience and prayers. Since the pandemic, my granddaughter can’t sleep without her Daddy.
I too became a single Mama a little over two years ago and my 6 year old daughter went through about a year of seperation anxiety. It was awful, she was constantly weighed down by the thought of losing me on a day to day basis (I’m the residential parent) like she did her Dad. I’m not sure if your daughter is in school, but our teachers and counselor helped her SO much when it came to making her feel confident and comfortable leaving Mom. She’s still a Mama’s girl and I don’t get much alone time lol, but she does play independently, loves school, cheers and plays softball and is an overall happy little girl with two happy parents. Keep your chin up and just remember time may not always heal all wounds, but it does get easier.
I’m not a single parent…and nothing has ever happened to make my son this exact same way…I spoke to a health visitor years ago…(he’s 8 now) he started it about 4…maybe when starting school…and she said just be patient and tell him whenever you go anywhere…even if its just to the toilet and ask if they want to come…or I’m just going in the garden do u want to come ect…he’s not as bad now…but stil like it…they will grow out of it…Good luck she will over come it as she gets older…x
Therapy. Get her counseling. That will help her the most to deal with her emotions. Next is be patient with her. It’s going to take a while before she feels secure again. Give her lots of warnings for when you are going to do things like go check the mail. Let her walk with you. Then let her stand near the door and watch you. Gradually move to where she is staying in the house while you get the mail. You will have to take it slow.
Tons of LOVE & reassurance. My oldest daughter was there for every decision I made (some not so great) Give her love…SO MUCH LOVE
It’s a traumatic experience for kids when parents separate… just keep re assuring that you love her, your both safe and you won’t leave her. Maybe lay with her in her room until she falls asleep to re adjust her back into sleeping in her own room.
You may need to get her to see a therapist. Otherwise she could have issues with future relationships. Taking her to do fun stuff or buying her things isn’t going to help
Time, conversations and maybe some counseling.
Get her to a therapist.
This is serious. Get professional help
Does he not have a relationship with her?
Time for the soon to be X forever to man the fuck up and be honest why he is a POS and won’t be living with her any longer
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How old is she and how long since you kicked your ex out?
Therapy. O went though sometimes similar with my son. He would wake up crying at night because he thought i was leaving too. It took a long time for him to realize i wasn’t.
Itll be a bit…does she still get to see him?
Be patient with her and let her sleep with you if it makes her feel secure. She will in time be secure again and things can go back to normal.
That is a rough situation to be in, but honestly you may just have to deal with it for a bit. You are going to have to do what you can to reassure her that you are not going anywhere, even if that means letting her sleep in your room for a bit. You also have to reassure her that her dad isn’t gone either, just that he doesn’t live in the house anymore. Make sure he is still just as much a part of her life as before. If that means face time, visits, just hanging out for a little bit then do it. Unfortunately she is to young to understand what is going on, and she shouldn’t know all the details. At that age you just have to try to reassure her and have her dad reassure her. Eventually she will start to understand that you are not going anywhere, and then you can start to slowly go back to normal.
Have to show her love with kisses and hugs and have friends and family included. My ex told our daughter that he was moving away…
took almost 2 years for her to not feel abandoned. It also will help to get along with your ex for the sake of your child up prevent long term abandonment issues…
I had the same problem with my son my ex husband left us when he was 5 when I would take him to school he would cry he thought I would leave him too. So the teacher gave me advice she asked me do you have something that belongs to you that you could give him and after school he has to give it back to you that will assure him that you will be waiting for him after school that you will not leave him. I had an angel pin so every morning I will tell him you hold this pin for mom and at the end of the day you will give it back to me. We did this for a few months and it worked my son felt safe and secure that I wouldn’t leave him that I will always be by is side. He is 30 now and he doesn’t want to have nothing to do with his father my 2 daughters speak to their father but my son doesn’t.
I’m not sure of her age, but maybe a child therapist would be a good person for her to talk to about how she is feeling?
Some schools have groups for children of divorced parents. When they realize they aren’t the only ones, they feel a little better. If your child’s school has a guidance counselor, perhaps you could ask her/him about this. If they don’t have something like this, it might be something you could suggest.
Make for her her fave food and have a deep sit down convo with
her about it and interject her bed into it lol
I know it can be a little annoying, trust me. I have an almost 8 year old that is the same way. Her biological “father” was a POS. I threw him out when she was 3. She cried for him for a while, he popped in and out of her life for about a year. I finally put an end to it. She has had separation anxiety since. She used to share a room with me. It was only with me up until about 2 years ago when I met my now husband. Now she is that way with both of us. She does sleep in her own bed in her own room now, but anytime we’re leaving the house, she needs to know where we’re going and when we will be back. She needs a million hugs and kisses and stands at the door and waves and blows kisses as we pull out. It has let up a little bit over the last couple of years. We have a routine with her though. Every single night, we tuck her in, in her own bed. We give her hugs and kisses and tell her we love her. Every morning one of us wakes her up. We make sure to tell her when we’re leaving. Usually she notices, but on the rare occasion that she doesn’t, we go and tell her and remind her that we will be back. You just have to reinforce to her that you’re never going to leave her. Communicate with her. Not sure how old she is, but I’m sure she is old enough to understand if she is having separation anxiety. Be consistent and reassuring.
Following because my oldest is currently doing this too.
You can’t make her see or believe anything because she too is feeling loss, scared and confused.
I dont understand the need to fix children’s sadness or worries right away.
Spend the extra time with her, snuggle in bed with her.
Find a good quality therapist for both yourself and her.
Allow for the transition process to happen but it will take time. Hugs!!
Mine would do the same but she would have full panick attacks when I left for work so therapy came up with small reward system. Everyday I didn’t leave for work (since dad said that and disappeared) I left to make “coin” I would bring home change everyday and as long as no meltdowns she got her coins for piggy bank. As she got older it was were u good? Did u do your chores? Worked amazingly
Sounds like she’s toddler/preschool age where speration anxiety is typical. It gets better with time.
Just keep reminding her it’ll take a while but she suffered a pretty big trauma for a kiddo.
It’s just going to take time, love and reassurance.
Does he still visit? Your relationship shouldn’t effect there relationship. I hope that ur still
Allowing him to visit. If that’s his choice then she probably had anxiety and even know she’s young she pile benefit from getting an expert opinion maybe some coping mechanism of a certain toy or bracelet to fiddle with ive had anxiety my whole life and it’s been helpful
I highly recommend this book for any little one that is going through some type of separation anxiety. It’s a wonderful book and might help. Also time, establishing a routine and therapy if needed. I understand what you’re going through but it does get better.
I went thru this with my daughter. She was 3 when we split. Shes 8 now. She still follows me around but not as much…about once a week she has a worry that I’m gonna die and leave her( when I get allergies, or surgery she thinks I’m gonna die and will flip out) we do talk/play therapy for her…
Let her follow you…give her, her own space in your room…she will adjust to it eventually, reasure her every time she starts to worry
To a child, something like this can be as traumatizing as a death. Comfort her. Give her plenty of hugs. Spend time with her. Let her sleep with you if she is scared. Seek counseling.
If he was a good dad, encourage him to visit her regularly. Parents are the most important people in the mind of a child. Its devastating to lose one. Have patience, she needs you. Plan fun things to do together
I am in almost the same situation as my sons father left us over 3 1/2yrs ago and my son still feels as I am going to disappear just like his dad did. He still sees his father on occasion and talks to him (FaceTime) but still believes I will leave him. I reassure him all the time that I am not going anywhere! Good luck with everything and definitely keep reassuring her
So her parents just shattered the entire world as she knows it and you want her to just “get back in her own bed”? I mean good for you for leaving a relationship that wasn’t serving you, but have some compassion for your kid.
Try patience and understanding, continue to reassure her, and probably get her some therapy.
Don’t focus on the own room thing. I know its overwhelming and u could use some space right now too but your kid is your priority right now. Make sure if he’s a decent dad that she can see him and know he didn’t leave her. Worry about making her world feel safe again. Imagine how scary this is and why she feels like she can’t let you go. It’s heart breaking.
Her entire life was just flipped upside down. Unfortunately you’re just going to have to be patient and understanding of how she feels… it will take time for her to trust you will not leave her too.
Best you can do it just validate her feelings, and show her that you will not leave her. It will take time. That is all you can do.
My daughter is four and still has this issue. I can’t even go throw the trash outside which is literally 4 STEPS AWAY FROM THE DOOR. It makes me so sad about her abandonment issues because her father only comes around every 6 months for one visit.
Please take her to an experienced child counselor. Those are big feelings that a professional can help with
You can’t. Just be there for her and let her get snuggles. She’s experiencing abandonment, separation anxiety, and just went through a traumatic experience. She needs every ounce of love met on her terms of what that feels like for her. You are going to have to rebuild that safe, stable environment that has dissolved for her.
Not your fault. Easy fix, just be there at every turn for her and she will soon realize momma is good to stay. Kids learn by example.
I told my 3 year old daughter that we’ll stick together no matter what. Made it fun by explaining that when candy gets sticky, that’s what we’ll be like. She added toasted marshmallows to the mix. For years we’d tell each other we’ll stick together like sticky candy and toasted marshmallow. She recently reminded me of this during a traumatic experience she was having, and I reaffirmed that yes, we’ll be sticking together no matter what. It made a huge impact.
My parents separated when I was 6 and I couldn’t understand why, no matter how many times they explained it to me. To this day I still remember thinking I would never see the other again when it was alternating visits. It was a lot. They both sat me down (and I vividly remember this too which is weird) and told me they both loved me so much and they are never going to leave me but they needed to not live together anymore and that it wasn’t my fault. It’s going to be hard for a while until she is old enough to really understand what happened. It’s not my business about how civil you are with your ex, but maybe that’s something you both could try.
Get her daddy back in the picture and this wont be an issue. She deserves her parents together.
First of all it’s “me and my ex” or “my ex and I” not “I and my ex”. Proper grammar, it’s important.
Second of all how old is your daughter? She seems pretty young to be having these types of thoughts so you need to ride it out and just deal with her being attached to you for a little while until she’s convinced HERSELF you won’t leave. You’re in a tough situation and unfortunately your daughter is feeling the full sting of it.
My only advice I’d time! She’ll finally feel comfortable seeing that you’re always there!
My daughter is 5 her dad and i have always been together and neither parent has ever left. We’ve had a babysitter once when i had her sister and she’s terrified I’m going to leave her. Good luck mama!
Sorry. That’s a really shitty situation. Don’t question the choice you made. You need to be happy too. Maybe look into therapy?
Well she probably needs to go to therapy. For the apparent abandonment issues(which is normal in this case). Hopefully you can get them in sooner where ever you live, because here childrens therapy is a 3month wait, thanks to covid. But make sure you do it, because if the abandonment issue carries over to adulthood its not gonna be good.
I don’t know where this answer came from. But the answer to your question is… Buy her a necklace, that starts days forever here. To reminder her that mom isn’t going anywhere. Then tell her the truth of why he left
My baby sister (5yo) really likes my baby’s father. We recently broke up and she knows what a boyfriend and girlfriends are so I just said. “You know how people have boyfriends or girlfriends?” She replied that she understood and then I said “well nito isn’t my boyfriend anymore. But he’s still going to come over and see baby L all the time”
Find your own way to explain it to her that she will be able to wrap her little head around it.
It her age and she is right nothing is forever
Reassuring her or she may be useing it as a guilt trip on you
sounds like she’s got some separation anxiety going on there. My son had separation anxiety really bad when he was young. He is not my biological son. He’s adopted. His biological female birth parent abandon him before he was even two months old I’ve had him since he was two months old, he’s 27 years old now and he still as some separation anxiety. It’s gotten a lot better throughout the years I was where you are at one time legit where I couldn’t go anywhere without him we couldn’t even get a babysitter for him. When he started early learning school it was very hard I had to send this Dad to school with him and when he said grade school I had to go to the school at least twice a day in what past his room or Pekin just so that he could see me. He was also Allowed by the school to call me once in awhile during the school day. When I went to work he would call me off and on throughout my whole shift. When I would call him and tell him I’m on my way home now. He would call me every 5 minutes and ask where are you now Mommy and he wouldn’t go to sleep until I got home or until he knew I was close by. When he was old enough to go to day camp I started him out just with the day camp for 1/2 days, then worked up to leaving him the full day at the camp. When he was okay with that we started sending him to the overnight camp and he would call me from there. After he get more comfortable with that and knew I’d be there to pick him up in the morning we work two men two the weekend camps and from there we went on to sending them up for a whole week and then two weeks. And yes he still had separation anxiety but as long as he had a way to get in touch with me he was fine. We talked to the store and we had gotten him a cell phone that she could carry while he was in school but it’s only would call my phone an emergency phone and my sister’s phone he couldn’t call his friends on it but the school allowed it as long as he understood he had to ask the teacher first if he could call his mom. separation anxiety is really a hard thing to deal with and sometimes it never goes away but it will get better you just have to constantly make sure that she knows that you’re not going to leave her. I have to right now my son who is 27 years old and still lives at home because it’s too expensive here to live on your own and he doesn’t want to live with anybody else and as long as we have the room but I think there’s a little bit of separation anxiety there to still and then I have and adopted dog also who has separation anxiety and we’re working on that right now. I also got a psychologist for my son you might want to think about talking to someone. It does help. I thought I was going to lose my mind for a while there trying to deal with it but being able to go in with my son and talked with the psychologist helped a lot. Good luck
How old is this child & was BF her biological dad?
It will take time. You will need to show her you will not leave. It take time
Therapy even for kids is a good thing
Please take her to therapy…with you!
Have her dad come so she sees hes not gone forever poor baby
Persistent consistency. And therapy.
Time consistancy and reassurance.
If it helps at all my almost 3 year old is attached to me and I cant leave the room without her and her dad DOES live with us !. So might just be a phase shes going thru?
My daughter did the same. Just love her through it. It gets better.
How old is she?? Sounds like separation anxiety…
It will just take time be patient
I think you should wait it out and just support her. The only life she knew is gone. She feels abandoned. She needs you to understand that and reassure her until she feels better. Just part of the process after leaving a toxic home. You did that. Now it’s time for your kid to heal. Good luck.
Haven’t read any other responses but after dealing with something similar with my son, the quick answer is this: TIME
Give your daughter time to realize that you aren’t leaving because her world/life as she has known it has changed and as resilient as kids are, they don’t all adapt and adjust the same.
It took my son a couple months and as frustrating as it was, no amount of saying I wasn’t leaving forever made a difference. He had to actually realize it and TRUST it.
My son is almost 6 and he was 4 when we went through this. It’s gotten so much better and as happy as he is to see me when I get home, he doesn’t give me leaving a second thought.
This is normal behavior especially for children who’s one through this…it will get better…I did counseling with mine
Sounds like she needs to see her dad and spend time with him. Just because you ruined the family by ending it with him, doesn’t change the fact he still is and will always be her father. She needs as much (if not more) time with him than you.
She needs you right now and she’s expressing it. Be there for her and understand it’ll be tough!!
Jeezus…just give her time to heal! What’s the rush?! She’s only little for a short time!
Time. Give her time and validate her feelings.
She needs. Counselling
She needs counseling!!!
Give her time and extra love momma
I was this lil girl. When I was younger. I had separation anxiety from my mother being away, bad. My mother had a difficult time. W me & my brother was a baby. I had a great babysitter when my mom was at work. When she was at home. I got really bad anxiety, I would be nervous, fidget. To the point I would pick my cuticles until they bleed, I would pick my lips. I think if my Mom had got my counseling, it would’ve helped. I would’ve gotten appropriate coping skills to help navigate my brain. That just because my mom is out of my sight, doesn’t mean she won’t eventually show up. Some sort of counseling will help
Make sure you tell her she did nothing to make her dad move. My ex were together 11 years and broke up. We have a son and made sure he knew he didn’t do anything to cause the break up and his dad moving out.
I would only let my daughter sleep in a sleeping bag on floor by my side and she was happy with just having me close by her.hope this helps
Depends on her age. When I moved in with my now husband I sat her down at the age of 12 and explained to her that my love for her is unconditional and will never change because of who I’m with she will always be my #1.
I always tell my little.one I’ll see u later not bye. To me bye says I’m not coming back for a while. Whether its bringing her to grandma’s school daycare whatever. I always try to make sure not to use the word bye. To me sends the wrong idea
My little girl is 2 and even though hasn’t been through the same situation will not leave my side snd is my little shadow wherever I go. I think it’s a developmental stage all go through regardless of the situation. Hugs,reassurance snd I have found leaving her for short bursts (toilet/oven on etc) have all started to work xx
If this is the damage that results in a toxic relationship ending, imagine the results from him staying. Like the other moms said; time, patience and reassurance. Imagine all the pain she would have went through watching you guys fight constantly, thinking its ok to treat spouses with total disregard, she is much better off grappling with these temporary feelings than a lifetime of bad examples. You made the right choice for your daughter. Later on, she will have realized what self worth means, and what happens when a bum of a man happens to enter her life. Her mom showed her how that is dealt with.
This could happen with any child regardless of whether the father is present or not. Its just a stage of development the child is passing through. Keep reassuring the baby.
A ton of time. Maybe even therapy. My son has a very similar issue and it’s HARD. just remind your child whenever you’re going Stonegate that you’ll be right back. You always come back, right? And you always will come back.
It’s crazy how we as adults don’t think about others when we make dumb decisions. The wrong decision can hurt so many people . The little people don’t deserve to carry the pain we cause but unfortunately they do .Many prayers sent your way:pensive:
My son is 9, myself and his dad split when he was 5 and his anxiety went through the roof! I’ve been trying to get him help since and have finally got an appointment. All I can suggest is to reassure her that you won’t leave and I find letting my son know if I’m going out to the shed or even in another room helps him even if he does follow.
Taking her to counseling is the best way. That way she can learn the tools she needs to heal from the trauma of the split. It will help you learn the tools as well
There’s an episode of Daniel the tiger. I am not sure of the name but the theme was grownups(you) always come back. I would watch that with her and always remind her that you will ALWAYS come back for her and to her.