Unfortunately, I think your husband needs to tell his parents they risk losing all contact with the grandchildren until they are 18! They are undermining your parenting of your kids. I’d give them one warning, if they don’t respect it I’d cut off all contact. Check in about 6 months later and only if she’s remove remorseful
7 Likes
Take the phone. Tell your husband to back you up or there’s a bigger friggin problem if hes still under his mommy’s control!! Your his wife and you and your family come FIRST!! not his mommy!!!
43 Likes
She may not agree with your parenting ways, but that is not her business. You set the boundaries for your kids and she should respect you as their parents, her son should step in and tell her that him and you are their parents. She has no place in contradicting both your parenting skills , especially to the kids. If she sees the issues are bad enough then she can offer to keep them a few days for you, but not live with her. Teenagers will get sympathy wherever they can, then start doing the same thing to them, after they start setting boundaries too… She should know this raising a teenager herself…
21 Likes
I am facing similar situation but with ex husband he is ok with how my son acts disrespectfully to me
14 Likes
I had 8 children, if any of them talked to me like that they would be scrapping their face off the wall. Set some rules!! I can see from the disrespect this attitude started a long time ago.
14 Likes
What she should be doing is supporting you as the mother and telling your son that he can’t talk to you that way! I am a grandmother and I put my 2 cents in all the time, but I tell my grandkids that if they don’t listen to their parents and behave, they can’t come to Nana’s house.
7 Likes
Talk to her with hubby. Make sure hubby is on same page as you and will back you up. Parents need to be united in ALL aspects of child rearing, even when they leave the house.
If he doesn’t help with children, tweens, teens, etc. you’re going to keep having issues with m.i.l. … Be aware, your teen is probably pitting the two of you against each other…
9 Likes
First off she needs told to discuss thing with YOU not them. They are minors and YOU are the parent.
6 Likes
No you are not wrong. They are your children, NOT HERS. No one is going to ask her why she doesn’t teach her children to behave, but they will as.k you. I am a mother of three grown children, grandmoth of3 and great grandmother of
6. Am proud of all of them. It is worth telling her that she has no right to interfere.
6 Likes
No ma’am and your husband needs to be the one to sit down to discuss boundaries with her.
5 Likes
Grandparents can be the perfect haven for their teen aged grandchildren. If they are not, the grandchildren will find a friend who may not have their best interests at heart, and that can be very serious. A side note - Grandparents must never speak against the children’s parents and should encourage the child to return home if at all possible. An abusive home is another situation.
3 Likes
I am SO sorry. For sure your mother-in-law needs to understand that you love her son, and she did a good job of raising him, but now it is up to her son and you–not her, though if she is a praying woman, prayers would be welcome. Raising toddlers and teens is no picnic, but I just got off the phone with my grown son (who has 4 kiddos of his own and a wonderful wife) and it was great to visit with him. This too shall pass for you, but my prayers are with you and yours.
7 Likes
No. She shouldn’t be enabling your children to defy at any time. You and your husband are gonna have to tell her or they won’t be allowed to their grandparents until they do
5 Likes
Her son needs to have a few words with her and you both need to have a conversation with the kids.
3 Likes
Lay down the law, if she doesnt agree she doesnt see them. If your husband doesnt agree then cut him off. A couple have to work together especially when it comes to kids.
5 Likes
My grandsons complain about their mom( my daughter) when with me. I listen to what they have to say then explain why their mom might be reacting in that way. They know I will listen to them which is really all they want or need from me.
2 Likes
You sound ridiculous blaming the grandma. The problem is your lack of parenting. Figure out why your son has so much anger and lack of respect to even think he can talk to you that way. This sounds like it’s been going on for quite a while.
So Why would he even have a phone or phone privileges with such bad behavior.
2 Likes
Teens or not. Introduce a belt to his ass. He shouldn’t at all feel comfortable cursing at you or telling you to shut up. I got backhanded in the forehead for any slight disrespect and came out fine. And mother in law probably will have to learn the hard way that she needs to stay in her place.
2 Likes
Thank God for a mother in law that gives them an option when they feel overwhelmed and rejected by you.
Going to live with her, will never happen and they both know it. Yet it helps the child cope.
Or would you prefer the child to go to the streets and feel better with drugs?
Change your attitude and build a better relationship with her so that you can support each other and learn from each other.
Get professional help to deal with your insecurities.
Power struggles with children and in laws are not on.
Your children are not your property. They are human beings who have a right to the love and support of their family members. Treating them with respect, dignity and humanely, yet firmly, will change all this around and improve ralationships in your home.
3 Likes
She Should be jumping his behind for speaking to you in that manner. So disrespectful. Sounds like she is too. She certainly needs to stay out of it.
1 Like
My son wouldn’t have no teeth in his mouth he talk to me like that he wouldn’t be having a cell phone if he was texting my mom about what goes on in my house
1 Like
Ground him take phone.and you and husband talk with her.she raised her children,which is your husband.he needs to lay down the law to the son first.then his mom.
2 Likes
All these DIL having issues and wanting to alienate their MIL…get a grip, what are you teaching your children? To just throw family away?
2 Likes
Not a parent, nor am I married, but just thinking out loud here…maybe you and your husband could speak to the MIL and ask her to understand that you’re not trying to keep her grandkids away, but when they go tattling to her, maybe she could assist you guys by backing you up or at least ask her to remain neutral until things are sorted out at home. Let her know that you love her and need her support. Just a thought. Maybe it could work, or not? I could be way off base but food for thought. Hope things all work out for ya.
1 Like
No child should disrespect a parent. When he/she does disrespect a parent, it is wise to let him/her stay somewhere else until the situation has blown over. Speaking from a grandmother’s point of view, I think she might have been trying to do that. The grandmother should have discussed this with you first, but you should not keep the kids from her because she is their safe place. You would not want them to go to strangers for help (Hint runaway kids). Teenagers are very complicated especially because of the increase in hormones. Talk to your mother-in-law without accusing her of overstepping boundaries.
I can understand where you are coming from, I had this a little with my own mother… but…
It may do her good to take him on herself for a while… He will probably be as good as good for abit but he will want his own way in the end then she will see for herself his behaviour…
1 Like
My hubby and I were private and always handled our children ourselves. One of our teenagers behavior was out of control we tried everything. Not until one of the godparents offered to take my daughter for awhile did she appreciate what she had at home. Further, she agreed to go to family counseling to tried to deal with some of the issues bothering her. Sometimes, it helps to let a grandparent help within boundaries and rules. However the Parents are always the boss!
Why is your child texting grandma anyway? Your husband needs to talk to both!
4 Likes
None of my 3 children ever told me to shut up. Let alone use foul language. They knew they would swallow their teeth if they did.
3 Likes
Been there and done that. Husband wouldn’t back me up either. Very difficult when there’s no help. Mother in law always wanted control over all. Her interference caused a lot of pain and difficulties. Kids eventually saw her for who she was. Hang in there as they need stability. They will decide who to be with and all you can do is love them. They know you love them but they want their way. Our son went to stay stay with grandma but finally grandpa must have said it was enough and he came home. It isn’t as simple as some people think. Counselor told me to get them in church also so they see they can have a high power to help them deal with life. Prayers for you and family.
2 Likes
I feel for you, great pain and endless hurt can come from this type of adult behavior coming from family outside the home. Especially when they never once come to you and discuss issues,before dividing your home.
1 Like
Ouch…how about “ your prayers would be the best help you could give during these trying times. We love you.”
Get your Mr Mister involved with his own mother. She is way out of line and has crossed a boundary. That situation wouldn’t last very long if he went to live with his grandmother I’m sure he would get ticked off at her sooner or later and would tell her to shut the blank up. I wonder what she would do about that she’d be sending him right straight back to you so there is really no need for him to leave and go live over there because he would be right back where he started at your home. You really needs to be a whole lot of conversation with her and your husband.
I would talk to my husband first in regards to my concerns about my mil offering her home without discussing that plan with us. Further maybe you three which includes grandma could meet and maybe discuss a plan to help with your teenager’s disrespect or behavior. I will not blame grandmother for the child’s behavior, however she can help with the solution. Best wishes.
Your kid called her right ? There is the problem. He’s playing y’all. My grandsons have called /texted me to tell me their mom is mean and come get them. My daughter. I’ll text her and ask what the issue is. She tells me he’s being disrespectful and is mad cuz he’s not getting his way. I text my grandson back and tell him NO I’m not getting him. And to listen to his mom and be respectful. Lol. I don’t usually get a response to that.
1 Like
She really needs to stay out of your business. Especially when it comes to your children. I was blessed to have a wonderful mother in law. She never interfered. I can assure you the kids won’t be happy with her.
I had a friend who this happened to , in the end she said “ go and live with Grandma “ he was back within a month and being respectful… it’s the same when they say I’m going to live with dad , pack their bags and take them , they will be in shock and coming back home soon and will have learnt a valuable lesson x
1 Like
Put your foot right down until all parties understand that you mean it, your husband should be defending you also. Tell him to step up to the plate and say something to his mother.
2 Likes
As a grandparent I would like to speak up on this one. It is hard for us to sometime look away and keep our mouths closed. I think we may have felt we made mistakes with our own kids and when we see things happen with the grand kids we open our mouths when we shouldn’t to try and make it better. I have boundaries with my daughter in laws and try to always get permission. I want to always have a loving relationship with them. When we offer something stupid or say something out of turn please just try and forgive us if you can. We worship your children and thank God you share them with us. We love you too Mom and are thankful you share them with us 
Happy Mothers Day Rock Stars !
Your son is using grandma against you. Straighten his ass up first! Your husband needs a respectful talk with his mother. If not you will have to. Good luck!
1 Like
As a grandmother, I love my grandkids unconditionally, but I would never second guess any of my children or in laws on their parenting even if I disagreed. It would just cause someone to be angry with me. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
1 Like
If that word EVER CAME OUT of either one of my kids mouths they wouldn’t be feeling the outside air on theirs faces for many,many months to come… and they knew it. Just remember your not their friend, your their parent. Show respect and you’ll get respect.
Stand your ground. I’m a mother inlaw and I don’t say anything to my children. You know who you raised. They will see the truth in her actions. And see that mom is right. 
1 Like
I ‘m sure grandma had her limits when she was raising her children, but I wonder what they were. Don’t stand for verbal abuse from your son, stay calm and think it through before you agree to let him go to the grandparents. How old is he, anyway? I f you treat him with respect, he’d darn well better show some for you. Dad needs to give you some support.
No way, no matter where the dad is. Kids are raised with boundries for their well being. Not urs hers or his. They grow up. They get it later, promise
1 Like
I mean, you could take her up on the sitting offer and see how long she has the patience and energy to contend with raising a teenager again. It’s easy to be a teen’s favorite from a distance, but good luck handling that boundary-testing, mood-swinging, literal liability in her space on a daily basis.
I think you need to be more concerned with your son wanting to move out than her offering him a place to live. Get your relationship with him straight first. Also, from whom did he learn to talk like that?
3 Likes
I told mine that I’d put them in Foster care and they could see how bad it was at home
1 Like
Being a grandmother myself I stay with my daughter and son in-law a lot. They have two very head strong teenagers, girl 16 and son 14. Parents seem to put up with more these days than we did. I find it very hard to watch them be disrespectful to their parents or me. Having said that most of the time they’re good and they get good grades. This virus has done quite the job on everyone but especially the young people. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time with your husband not helping you. I do hope things get better.
Just a suggestion, but maybe you and your husband might enjoy a week vacation or two and Grandma would learn to keep her mouth shut and son would figure out home is not so bad if you sent him to Grandmas house for a week or two. My kids learned to appreciate me real fast everytime Nana came to stay while mom and dad had to go to a “conference”. They were always so happy to see us and we enjoyed the break! Be careful what you wish for son and Grandma 
Until you set the boundaries for her, you are in fo some bad times.
1 Like
My kid would got some good consequences, that is so disrespectful!! Do not let your mother-in-law I interfere in your authority, you are their mother. Happy Mothers Day
Only seeing a portion of the problem and not knowing the parties involved, yes I would be pissed at the mother in law but at the same time I would be thankful that he called his granny instead of someone that could have convinced him to run away.
Figure out how to work together instead of locking horns in a power struggle.
A teen who has a trusted adult to vent to is safer than one who does not.
Teens are a hot mess of emotions and need all the empathy they can get.
There are greater parent nightmares: Suicide. Running away. Escape trough drugs.
They Call need to know that you are The parental n what you say goes. If your mother in-law insista on Putin her 2 cénits in let her know If she keeps interfering she is no longer welcome in your home nor can she See The children until she acepts that u r in charge
1 Like
Dont fall for it! I went thru that and thought my mom was helping out and learned she was making things 1000 times worse. Tell in law to butt out and don’t add fuel to the fire or never see kids again. And if father is no help with his mom kick him to the curb also. Unfortunately my husband Learned to late.
I’d say fine pack your bags and go, but he takes nothing with him you paid for, no phone, laptop clothes NOTHING! see how he likes that, he can go to her house in his birthday suit, unless he has clothes he paid for
1 Like
Your husband should talk to his mother. She doesn’t help your kids at all, by telling them to come live with her. Yes, her behavior has a negative effect on your family.
First of all I think any child of mine under my roof is not going to be disrespectful to me ever! That child would be punished to the utmost. No phone, just homework and their room for at least a month. The mother in law needs to be put in her place by her son. Father and mother need to unite and set respect rules.
2 Likes
I would personally take the phone and all fun things away. It’s amazing how much their attitude and mouth changes with no phone.
1 Like
I disowned my step mom after my father passed away. Once he was no longer here she was very disrespectful to his three children. She no longer sees me or her grandchildren. I will not deal with her drama. No one but who lives in your house should be in your business
You are not wrong. I would also take his phone until he understands he can’t do that & start more problems in the family & that he doesn’t make thst decision!. It is your parenting and the grandparents need to remember they are NOT the parent. And respect your discipline, what you say goes! She crazy to think the kid going to move out or has the choice! As long as the kids is safe with yall (which I would bet he is!!!) She needs to stay in her lane! Not try to be the scapegoat! All teenagers throw fits and go through this stage( I did too as a teen) and she should know that (have experience with it, hell) & back y’all’s decisions 
%! I would have a sit down talk and she can’t respect, then 🤷 she can love him from a distance.
Do you know…If SHE had to deal with this kid she would send him back quick smart. Let him go…no money, support or any help. See how SHE copes!!
1 Like
Tell granny that YOU will be moving in and be prepared cause you won’t do chores, cook, clean up after yourself or shower and brush your teeth without a fight. Throw the F-bomb in a few times and maybe she’ll get the idea.
1 Like
If he had said that to me he would have been out the not going upstairs!
2 Likes
How sad for you! I’m afraid keeping your kids away from her might make them RESENT “YOU”! She is wrong to try to get your son to live with her instead of telling him to RESPECT you. Your Husband should be defending YOU and put HIS foot down!!
First your husband needs to take a belt to your son’s behind for talking to you like that. Then take away his phone and any other privileges he has. He needs to apologize to you. Then you and your husband confront the grandma and let he renew she’s not helping the situation any and you would appreciate it if she would no longer offer him a place to live. Let her know she can listen to him but she needs to give advice to speak to his parents about the problem and work it out with them.
I love my grandkids dearly (all four are not yet two), but they will get no support from me or even an understanding at if they choose to be disrespectful toward their mothers or fathers. I love to indulge my grandkids but always ask the parents first if they may have what I’m offering edited it is offered.
I remember being a teenager and my mom was a single mom, I often went to my grandmother when we would argue and not tell the full story…now this was my mother’s mom so she would call my mom and then get the whole story. Then I would be sent home and tild not to disrespect my mother or I was wrong for doing whatever I did. Teenagers are aful I know I was adleast. So I defanatly would call your mother in law and thank her for being there for your son, but then tell her the full story and then explain every time there is a disagreement or I punish my child it is not right for you to tell him he can live with you. He has to face consequences to his actions. Ask her if her son ran to her mother in law after he did something wrong, how would she have felt. Also how would he learn from his mistakes and turn out to be the great guy that he is without punishments being enforced? That you need her help to not intervene so he turns out to be a responsible young man. Then if she still doesn’t see your point then I would break communication for a bit to show her she can’t be a way for him to get out of punishments
If she doesn’t know her place, you’re darn right!! You are the parent!
1 Like
If children are not being abused sexually, mentally, emotionally,verbally or physically grandparents, family,friends,and acquaintances has no business with their nose in your home. No your SELF-WORTH and don’t allow your mother-in-law define who you are as an individual,wife and mother. You and your husband should have a discussion about his mother’s interference and your son disrespectful behavior toward you. It is good for children to have adults they trust to talk to,but in this case the relationships are filled with toxicity. Remove yourself and your son from the toxic environment. Respect is earned not a right and your MIL needs to learn and accept your rules.
She is definitely wrong. You and your husband need to handle your business!
1 Like
Wish her a happy mother’s day. She may be lonely and feel a need to be wanted by someone. Her problem she doesn’t know how or what to do to be needed and of importance to someone.
My grandkids always came to my house too cool off i never asked them i was just there. Then their parents would call tell me not let them stay. But I would talk to them and let them know the reason your parents say that is because they love you. I never talked. About what was said. But I let them know how much they are loved. They are adults now and if they have a problem they pop in sit a while and leave. So I dont know about other grandparents. But. Not right to. Interfere. Just listen. A parent does not have to explain to anyone. How they. Discipline their child. and siding with the child is wrong in my opinion
1 Like
He would have lost his phone AND all his privileges the instant he used the F word. I don’t care what the context. Those words don’t get spoken in my house.
1 Like
Yes more than that your husband is showing you no respect. Was mirror to my 1st husband 26 years happy maybe 10-12 middle years. I was a stay at home mom. He and my 3 girls were my world. He had a breakdown and erased 19 years of my life. On is way to a 3 breakdown I ask to speak with doctors he said no. I told I would leave him. Still no. So I left, my middle daughter zero respect.?she told me you let us walk all over you .you cannot change rules now. I said oh honey you are wrong. We’ve been divorced almost 18!years she is in forty’s and still she hates being around. Has to force I love from her mouth. Do not ask for respect demand it from all people involved. Prayers
There’s nothing you can do at this point, since she’s always had say at what goes on in your home. Your husband should back you up, but it sounds like he encourages it, or doesn’t speak up on the behalf of both of you, presenting a united front. The kids know they can run to her, and they have been doing it. The only thing to do now is a sit down with everyone, your husband, kids, and MIL, so everyone is on the same page and even with that I doubt it can be fixed, it’s gone on for too long
I personally think you need to sit down as a Family and discuss this…Not text not phone but face to face…Grandma need to hear Both sides before offering your son accommodation …That should be a discussion made firstly with his parents to find out the facts of the matter…
If it were me I’d stand up to her and tell her the kid is not going to live with her as long as he is under 18, and mind her own business, and your husband needs to tell his mom to back off
You are not wrong! Both yr mil and yr son are trying to make you out to be a bad mom. By calling his grandma. He is diverting your anger. Or dividing it. Honestly, she has no vote and no voice, so try yr best not to let her vote of no-confidence rile you. Act like its a ghost talking.
Check with yr county’s Family Services and see if counseling is available for you and him. She is not included.
Does he yell stuff like this constantly, or was this his first time in front of you outloud?
I wish mine would talk to me like that!! That phone would be the least of his problems! 
Is the dad around? He should support you!
1 Like
Sounds like the dad needs to step in and maybe the kids need to lose some phone privileges if they feel it’s okay to talk poorly to you and about you.
Why is your husband not checking his mother to stay out of your family bussiness and he should also be checking your son about calling her. Mother in law get in your lane AND STAY THERE !!!
I’m less interested in the fact your son called your mother in law( although in my house he’d have had to use smoke signals or Morse code or something, cause he would no longer have access to a traditional communication device) and more interested in the consequences your son received. The mother in law needs to butt out… but she wouldn’t have butted in had your son been unable to contact her…
Wow, first of all your son has no respect and why is this?? Where’s the Dad?? Maybe he shoukd6go live with her because it appears tou have no control over your son, telling you to shut the"F" up
No, you’re not wrong and you should of slapped your son in the mouth. Never tolerate disrespect from your children. Your husband definitely needs to get his mother in check !!!
1 Like
Did you talk to MIL to get her side of story. Maybe son just said it not MIL As several of you has stated. Teens can be very manupulative and they know what buttons to push.
No. But for talking back like that. He’d lose his phone I’m sure you pay for.
And alot more privileges that he gets.
But she would have boundaries that would be hard to drop.
Just tell her you’re already raising one of her children and dont want yours to be like hers and have to retrain them. Hopefully that will shut her up even if your husband is a good person and no she cant raise your children
First order of business with the Dad is deal with his son over the disrespect to his mother and the fowl language. Then take his phone away. Let him know that he cannot and will not be allowed to live with his grandmother. Then comes talking with his mother.
Hi. First you need to have a talk with your son and show or tell him that respect isn’t given it’s earned. He doesn’t have a right to disrespect you. Then I would grab his phone and ground him. Then if I were you, I would contact your mother in law and tell her that you are their mother and that you would appreciate it if she wouldn’t butt in. There are boundaries that do exist in both situations. You can agree to disagree but, for certain situations she needs to know when to not butt into conversations that don’t pertain to her. I wish you the best of luck. Have a blessed Mother’s Day.
You husband should tell her what happen in your house is none of her business and tell the kids what happens in your house stay in your house
1 Like
Over stepping. Be sure to ask the husband if he back talk his mom. And do it when she is with you!!
Nope, you’re not wrong. Sounds like you’re going to have to get abrupt with MIL & if necessary, cut off communication until she respects your boundaries
Your husband needs to step in especially since it’s his mother. As for the phone, if he isn’t paying for it, take it away. That’s being straight up disrespectful and it’s NOT fair for you.
Letting them go to grandma’s is a no go. It will not teach them anything only separate you from them further. No phone, no xbox or psa4 , no youtube, tiktok, Nothing! Till behavior improves. But if their already speaking to you in foul language you have got to lay the law. It’s only going to get worse. I’d tell ol grandma if she wants to continue to be in their life she needs to close her mouth. Because that can be arranged. Don’t know where you live. But in TN grandparents have no rights legally. Husband needs to man up and take control of the teenagers and mother-in-law.
1 Like
Not enough information here. But you need to let your teenage sons know that talking back and using the F word is not allowed. You need to let your mother in law know that your sons will not be leaving your house and you need to let your son know that he is not allowed to call her and tattle tail on you. Take his phone away and let him know you mean business. Your husband needs to step in and let your kids know he backs you 100 percent. Let the mother in law know that he will not be allowed to come to her house or talk to her untill he learns his lesson. I see disrespect from your son and mother in law.
In her own way she’s trying to be helpful. Don’t get mad at her cause you didn’t establish good behavior in the kids at an early age and now they feel free to act out. You not letting them be assholes should have happened when they were babies.
He would’ve been picking up his Teeth off the Damn Floor!! Phone will be turn off ASAP!!! Mother in law I would’ve told Her Mind Yours & Not mines!!! He wanted be Disrespectful get a Job & Pay your own Phone Bill How bout that!!! Husband well he’s a Different Story😎
Your mother-law needs stop this behavior. You are the parent, not her.
1 Like