We are struggling with our 3.5-year-old…he doesn’t listen to all, screams and yells, tantrums over everything, etc. I know things like this are normal at his age, but what are strategies that help other families get through it? I feel like all we do is say “no” to him or yell and it does nothing other than makes us feel guilty at the end of the night.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I get my toddler to listen? - Mamas Uncut
2 choices: pick up your toys or take a break. Eat your dinner or go lat down. Make it two choices where mom wins though
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You don’t reward the behavior. Don’t go if he screams, don’t give him attention if he’s yelling or throwing things and if he has a temper tantrum don’t reward it. If you give him attention, if you yell at him bad attention is better than no attention. My daughter one time when she was four threw herself down in the middle of the grocery store screaming and I walked off. She never did it again. You only reward good behavior
You aren’t showing them any love by feeling guilty for trying to raise a contributing adult
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He can go in his room with the fit throwing…. You can come out when you can use your inside voice and manners.
Emotions are okay…. but what we ain’t gonna do is disrespect and disrupt momma’s house.
With my kids it was always under 5 minutes, they were back out with “I’m sorry mommy” and then we would talk about why they were upset to begin with and how to get that across without the blowups.
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saying no doesn’t really work. ignoring tantrums, and consistency with your child. give them alternatives like russ above choices.
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Yelling does not work.
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Big Little Feelings has so many great tips for taming tantrums!
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I just stepped over mine and kept it moving. By all means throw your fit but I’m not entertaining it. They eventually seen it wasn’t doing anything and quit 
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Two choices both win in a way or u can say go have the trautum in ur room come out when u are ready to use ur words
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Spank his rear end everytime he starts.Sooner or latter he’ll learn what happens when he screams or yells.
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2 choices that you give, make sure that they benefit you
I’m struggling with this myself but one thing that has helped my little guy is a behavior chart. I have stickers and when he does something good, he gets to put a sticker on his chart. Then after 15 or so he gets a prize. Rewarding the good behavior helps.
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Choices instead of no. Not no cookies for breakfast you can have this or this.
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Following the struggle and tantrums are fierce just like my little.
Instead of saying no constantly i give my daughter choices. She yells because i hand her an outfit to put on that she doesn’t want so i give her a choice between two outfits. It almost always works with literally everything. Instead of asking her “do you want to lay down for bed time?” Or telling her its bed time "i ask her “which sippy cup would you like to have in your bed?” And hold up two sippy cups. Toddlers like feeling like they were able to make their decisions. So making sure she has some kind of say so in the process always helps. For cleaning messes i tell her “can you help mom pick up the puzzle and then when we’re done we can get a snack.” Giving her some kind of treat for helping me with tasks usually helps a lot too💛 good luck.
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I grab my 3.5 year old gently by the arms when he’s having a tantrum and say “look at mommy” and he always says no no and then looks at me and calms down. I’ll be like “look at mommy, you’re ok, why don’t you sit on the couch and relax, you’re fine” and he will be all protesting for a minute but then he will go sit on the couch and calm down. It’s hard trying to talk to them and figure out what’s wrong at their ages, I keep trying to help him figure out what’s wrong, what emotion is he feeling but it’s still too hard for him to explain but for I read about the “look at me” thing somewhere and I was shocked it actually worked for me. He gets like crazy angry and I didn’t think anything would work but I read it gives them a second to take a breath and help them calm down.
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Happy child app it’s pretty damn good
Connection before correction if you want a child to listen to you. Get down to their level, empathize with them, validate their feelings and experiences, and give them a yes with conditions over a no.
Tantrums are just the brain not being able to process the emotions properly, and at that age it’s not malicious at all. Spanking or Ignoring a child for doing this sends the message that your love and affection is conditional, and that aggression is an appropriate way to solve problems. You wouldn’t want your spouse to send you to your room, hit you or ignore you when you’re having a hard time emotionally, so I don’t know why so many parents put unrealistic expectations like that on their kids. Kneel down, open your arms and offer a hug if they are willing or hold their hand, acknowledge their feelings… “you’re mad because ____” and then empathize “I know it’s hard, I understand, etc”. Show interest in their life and wait for a natural break before asking them to do something. You wouldn’t like it if you were in the middle of doing something fun and then someone said “go clean the dishes now”, so again, get down to their level… “wow that’s a cool looking dinosaur picture you’re colouring. When you’re done, we’ll put it on the fridge and then lets wash up and have dinner”. At that age they are really starting to want some independence so offer lots of choices and yeses with conditions. “Sure you can have another cookie after we have our dinner”… “we need to go to the grocery store now, did you want to wear the red or the blue shoes?”
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5 minutes that start over every time they make a noise like cry or argue
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When a child yelled at me i whispered back. I kept whispering until they stopped yelling so they could hear what I was saying. What i would say… for every minute you scream or yell that’s 2 minutes in your room in time out.
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Stop yelling and bring your voice down to a whisper with a smile. Tell him gentle this is what we want you to do bc it’s best for him. If he chooses not to listen then start removing his favorite toys one at a time. Hide it and let him know he will not get it back until he does what he’s ask to do. Always in a gentle voice. Cuddle him a lot. Let him know everyone would be happier if he obeyed. But never ever say I love you but…That’s rejection. Love him more than ever and give him a treat when he does listen but it shouldn’t be food. Pray it goes well.
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Two options: time out or spankings. I started spanking my 6 year old and he finally started listening. Don’t @ me with “that’s abuse” or “that’s hitting” I do what works and it’s always an option.
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He needs a good cutass
Such kids need patience and understanding what your kid needs sometimes all they want is attention and they not getting many a times we so pre occupied we actually don’t realise our kids needs and basics so they feel neglected so they start performing 2 acquire your attention parents must observe their kids
Raise them right and whip that ass is what u do! Best believe they will behave! Shit my mama whooped me with anything she could get her hands on and I turned out just fine. 
Who put laughing emojis??? There is nothing funny about this shit. If you have actually been through it, then you know just how challenging and pain staking a rambunctious toddler could be. We’ve always had time out, or winding down time, where you take away electronics, milk, dim some lights, read a book. Or coloring with your toddler, bonding, learning activities. Also the more time in the sun and outside is very helpful, and usually does the trick!! Good luck Mama!!!
Dont yell…it makes them worse. Dont get angry…I know that’s hard. Give choices always.
Depending on the reason for the tantrum…ignore it, put them in time out, smack that little bottom.
Always remember the child is frustrated /angry/hurting and their feelings are important.
Punish rarely and never in anger …cuddle always
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Maybe have him tested for autism
Welcome to parenthood 
. This never ends. Kids will see what they can get by with. Its up to u to set this boundaries. Its taken me A LONG time to kinda 
understand this. I’m going through this with my 15 ur old boy. And he has his temps 
. I wish I would’ve listened to the hubby and set those boundaries early on, instead of having to work on it now. He did and he has no problems. The struggle is real momma. Hang in there 
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If you have no patience with your child when they’re frustrated you’re conditioning them to do the same when they’re upset. Get down to his level try talking calmly with him, explain that it’s okay to feel those big emotions and help him learn how to process them. Yelling or spanking a child is extremely detrimental to their emotional development and it teaches them to use anger or violence when they’re upset. Understand that he is still learning how to handle his emotions, and still learning the right behaviors.
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mine been like that since she was 6 mo old…but shes super smart…its not a disability or autism. she is just naturally super manipulative lol and knows how to be sweet to get her way and knows how blow up when she doesnt in a way that would make you wanna give in just to give her what she wants and when you are firm in saying no she wont forget about it or stop! shes only 2 and is more strong willed than most grown adults i know and she cant be redirectes or distracted or tricked. its difficult lol so i dont have much advice…but just know youre not alone
Try Conscious Discipline, their website has some great resources that actually work.
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Having the first 3 kids was hard but after the 4th one came I have alot more patience and loving responses. Hes probably the only child who did less crying and tantrums… but I’d say lots of cuddles kisses and hugs and reassure them… it’s all good… and serve them. Play with them. They like when your on the ground with them at there level and playing. If you notice your always saying no … teach yourself to say YES all the time… watch the movie called YES… where the parent always had to say yes for one day… It’ takes practice … my 4th child was a charm.
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My son will be 4 in January and he is the same way. 
.I feel ur pain. Neither of my other 3 was like this
Try explaining to him why the answer is no. Maybe he’ll understand the situation he’s in and why it’s going down the way it is.
Good old fashion butt whooping.Surprize him!!!
Who is the parent, you or him. People that don’t have sense enough to control their kids , shouldn’t have them.
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You have to be more determined that he is. You are the boss, not him. If he has a fit, let him, but don’t give into him. Don’t yell. Or put him in a chair, facing a corner for 5 minutes. If he gets up, put him back in the chair, and start the time all over again. I did this with my grandson once, he ended up spending hours in the chair, but he never acted out again. And never feel guilty if he cries, whines, or says things like, he hates you, or you are mean, or you don’t love him. Stick to your grounds. Don’t give in. But always let him know that you love him when he has finished his punishment. Always make him tell you he is sorry. I’m sorry you are dealing with this. I was lucky, I just put a stop to this kind of behavior with my children when it first started. Good luck!
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Threenager……like a teenager only he’s 3
Let me know if you find something that works!
My boy is the same age, if he is having a tantrum and I yell it makes it worse, i have learned that the best thing I can do is get down on his level and calmly but firmly say stop and use your words please sometimes it takes a couple of repeats for him to calm down enough for me to understand him but he then tells me the problem and we discuss the reasons and normally hug it out and then I understand why he is upset and he understands why I have maybe said no.
It took me a while to learn this and it can take a couple of attempts of asking him to use his words but it always works.
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My girl is only a year so it may not work the same, but I ignore the bad and reward the good. If she’s having a meltdown, I ignore her. Once she calms herself down (pretty quickly after she sees I’m not playing into it) she comes to me for some snuggles which she gets. If she gives me something when I ask her to give it, she gets tons of praises and kisses which makes her light up. I’m trying to condition her now to learn that lashing out in anger gets her nowhere and she gets a lot of positive attention when she’s calm and listens.
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“…makes us feel guilty at the end of the night”. Game over. He wins.
Be a parent. Be lovingly, consistently firm. Make hugs and praise a reward for good behavior; lots of love, but no hugs, no praise for bad behavior.
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Time out let him or her no it not ok to be doing all that and stick to the time out your the Adult and let them know that they gone cry but they will stop get to Bad ti.e for nap Boss up r you’ll be sorry ijs
It’s easy to trick and redirect a toddler. Be creative, when he’s having a meltdown look outside and say “Oh I see a toad hopping along the sidewalk, let’s go see if we can be his friend. You know “toddler”, toads only make friends with people who speak quietly and who tiptoe sideways”. Then start whispering and walk sideways. Your kid won’t expect that and will wonder what the heck is going on. Guarantee to stop a tantrum. Imaginative redirection works all the time. If you can’t find the toad or squirrel or what ever it is. Have him color a picture of his hand or help him sign his name to a note for the toad at stick it on the front door. Then, after he goes to bed, write a response from the toad complete with some slime. No one says you can’t have fun while you teach your kids.
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My little brother is 4 and he does the exact same thing and we just found out he has severe ADHD. Might be something to look into just in case. Other than that try staying calm with them. Sometimes it helps.
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He needs A Good Ass whipping that they dont get anymore thats why there killing parents god said you dont make them mind you dontLove them.& they no that.
First …yelling will not work
Two have you had your child evaluated. Sometimes there are underlying issues that if not addressed can just be mistaken for a bratty child . The issue goes both ways as parents we also have to learn from our behavior and each child is different . I am not against spanking when absolutely needed but for the most part praise when they do good and talking to when they are not doing what they are suppose to . Hes still learning and this takes patience and time .
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Extra positive attention and recognition when he’s doing something right will make a world of difference. I went through a similar phase with my daughter and when she got positive recognition and praise she flourished. And remember: consistency is key!
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No parent is perfect. You got this momma! You and only you know what’s best for your child! You will learn what works. Each child is different, what works for one may make the situation worse for another. Parenting is a learning experience throughout all ages because with each milestone comes new roadblocks. Learn together and do as best you can! It will all fall into place.
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I didn’t have this problem with my 3 year old or any of his ages for that matter. No this is not a normal behavior. I taught my child from a walking age how to sit still for several minutes at a time. Taught him that he cannot get everything that he wants and that No means No. I didn’t give into my son’s demands and I was consist with him as he grew up.
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You answered your own question. Stop yelling. 
It does nothing for anyone.
Be consistent with consequences. Follow through on something you say. And dont give in just because youre tired of the crying.
Do not resort to hitting your child like some of these people who need anger management are suggesting.
Every day is the worst day of their lives. Reason with them, and find diffusing strategies.
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I’ll also say that whoever’s said oh I taught my child this and that well…I have 5 others that didn’t act this way and I’m raising this one the same so it’s not always about how they are raised behavior problems are issues in so.e kids and not in others
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I’m dealing with the same situation…I feel like I just yell and sound mean all the time…my 3 yr old is spiteful so when she sees shes getting under my skin she gets even worse
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Claritin caused my 2.5 grandson to have alot of problems. Hes been fine since we changed to zyrtec. I had know idea a allergy med could do that but I read alot and learned alot…
My son is 3. Nothing works except to warn him if the behavior he’s doing doesn’t stop, we start taking away toys. For example, our son loves dinosaurs. He’s got a lot of them. So, we give him 3 shots to stop the behavior and tell him the repercussions of his actions. Usually once we take away his favorite dinos, he listens and stops doing what he was doing that got him in trouble to begin with. This has decreased yelling on our part and my sons tantrums and him listening has improved.
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Sammmmeeee. I try not to lose my temper just because it does nothing. We do lots of positive reinforcement and (essentially) bribing. We stay consistent with our punishments and rules and cause and effects. We try to make things as logical as possible as far as making sure his punishments and reprimands correlate effectively to his actions and misdeeds. It’s a lot of work and some days it seems we go backwards, but he’s slowly getting better.
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He’s little ask him to use his words what is wrong and never forget he’s 3 he’s seeing things for the first time what a wonderful time in a life
Daniel tiger’s neighborhood, is a good show for little ones to watch…teaches kids to use your words and express your feelings. My kiddo watches…kinda annoying after awhile but the show has good lessons for kiddo
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How I get mine to listen i tell him no and if he is throwing a fit he sits on the step…but I explain why I said no, tell him I love him but he can’t do that, because…. It takes a couple times but he starts to understand helps them express their feelings to. My child likes to say I’m mad I ask him why and he’ll explain himself and I will give him the same reason I said before….mind you…I lose my patience especially pregnant and I will send him to his room til he calms down with the no. But every child does it….I don’t think they really understand that word fully. He will get out of it soon and pick up some other crazy habit. Your doing a good job, keep it up momma!!!
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I practiced breathing exercises with my toddler and after a while he got the hang of it, it’s a way to clean the slate (slightly distracts them) at the moment and gives them a second to recoup and calm down.
Psh- every parent has moments when they end up yelling, unless they are super passive and have a super compliant child. No parent exists without yelling at times. However, rewards and punishment should match for the age of the child. Children. Read some techniques online. You got this. Also take some breaks when u can. Count to ten. Kids have melt downs and more energy than they understand.
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I’m old fashion, have you tried spanking. I know nobody does that anymore, look at the youth if today. 
Whisper everything. If you really want him to do something tell him not to do it. Logic is out the window. You are now dealing with a small drunken terrorist. Good luck soldier.
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Similar situation but with my 9yo daughter. A mood board has helped her tremendously but I’m not sure how effective that will be for a toddler!
I feel at that age they are testing the waters instead of saying no have you tried what about this ie instead of no dont do that saying how about we stop doing that and come and do this ?
Have to show dominance by getting a couple helmets and running head first full speed into eachother until the beta creature passes out first, and the alpha will rule the home. Then share a bag of minion fruit snacks after.
Gets em every time
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No yelling…you stay calm and rational. Child will learn to deal with things calmly. Dont give in to tantrums. Encourage your child to use his words by not reacting to tantrums your child will learn im not getting attention with this method. Eventually learning to communicate their frustration. Xo
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Spankings and time out
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Spank their ass…it worked 57 years ago it will work now…Jesus
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I stopped yelling & got down to his level, made him look at me and said this is what we’re going to do.
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Following because if I even say “shh” to my almost 3 year old she get an attitude and says “QUIT HERSHING ME!” 
My boy was so much easier as a 3 year old… We’re working on keeping our tempers in check with our older daughter (the aforementioned) because it really doesn’t help to yell , just teaches them to yell, but she is SO frustrating. The force is incredibly flipping strong with this one and she’s exhausting. We’ve been trying to explain things more and do time out when needed but it’s not working much. She doesn’t respond well to bribes either 
Have you thought about talking to his Dr about this? I’m only asking because my son, is Autistic (and the most perfect little human you’ll ever meet) and we struggled in this area as well. Remember, all children do not understand and communicate in the same way. So what might be “normal” to some of these other parents, isn’t going to be the case for all children. He’s at an age where he can be evaluated. The worst thing you can do is let this go much longer. This child is probably just as frustrated as you are, except his little mind and brain don’t know how to tell you. 
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I get my toddler to listen? - Mamas Uncut
Have you had his hearing checked?
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Better get this under control now or you are going to have big problems in the future. I agree with so many of these suggestions. Good luck!
Whoop his ass i mean don’t abuse him but give him a ear pull a spanking in the butt …your going to let a 3.5 year old run the household grow a back bone for goodness sake thats why all these kids now aways hit their parents lmao smh
I have a almost 2 year old , I was not dealing with what I did with my second born so I implemented things as early as possible. Because once they get to a certain point they are beasts lol. It’s terrorizing threes
My little man doesn’t respond to sternness at all, no is a trigger for him. I just remove him from the situation immediately or take the toy/object and it disappears for a bit. He will eventually figure it out.
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Yelling isn’t going to get you anywhere. You need to get on his level and ask him why his feeling like that. Talk to him ask why he is upset or mad. And then when he tells you agree with him that that might make you mad too. Try and understand where he is coming from he is still trying to learn how to communicate and learn how to handle his emotions.
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“Spare the rod, spoil the child” nothing wrong with whooping your kids, of course you will feel bad but that’s part of being a parent. I never wanted to whoop mine but I had to…STILL DO lol and I always tell my babies what my dad told me, “I whoop you because I love you” I never understood it back then because he didn’t explain it to me but I do now and I’m glad he did what he thought was right. Now I’m not saying beat them or anything but a little spanking and a hard, firm no can go along way. Good luck Mama!!!
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this too shall pass. But it won’t actually pass it’ll just change
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We use the terms “that’s enough” to know when enough is enough and then “no” when it’s absolutely no they cannot.
We do quiet time when we aren’t using our “listening ears”.
And make sure you have the same expectation from yourself and your partner. Make sure you both are on the same page on what is ok or what happens when the other is not home etc.
There would be some things I would let our daughter do which was normal but my husband didn’t know that it was ok when he wasn’t home.
If they are not listening as well the activity they were doing ends. Ex. Playing outside and not listening or throwing a tantrum we go back inside, have quiet time then talk about it. A gruff manner and yelling didn’t help with my daughter. But I know some kids don’t respond unless you yell.
I hope some of this helps!
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A belt across his ass a few times works wonders.
Let me know when you figure it out
Check out what type of personality he has and then try this.
My son is extremely hard headed. And he ran out household until about a week ago because I let him. Now I am firm and the tantrums have become less. I also find that the art of distraction is a big one for me. It doesn’t always work though because he wants what he wants and is used to getting it. 4 days of saying no and sticking sticking my guns, not yelling back at him but calmly saying no is no and explaining why and its much better a week later. It’s hard. I’ve cried a lot with him because I’ve felt so bad but at the end of the day it helps to remember that you are trying to raise a respectful happy child
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Not sure where you are located but if you can, look into your local mental health services agency. PCIT changed my life as a parent and as a person. Parent child interaction therapy 
any parent with any child & behavioral issue can benefit from it.
Let me know when you figure it out lol
Old fashioned here-- let him carry on-- go about your business-- he will wear himself out – when he realizes he’s not getting what he wants-- that crap will stop. The only issue is-- do you have what it takes to put a stop to the behavior you have encouraged!
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walk away into outside or into another room They want an audience I raised 6 5 in 6 yrs and they all grew up to be decent God fearing adults from 70 to 6
Try replacing no with what he needs to do instead. Sound like he lacks full understanding.
Watch a few episodes of Super Nanny. It is very educational!
I have 1 daughter and 7 sons how the fuk do i parent her with 8 males in the house who literally protect her at all cost
They never listen or they listen to everyone else BUT you… toddler-teen yrs… good luck to you 
Timeout , nose on the wall , and as a last resort spanking . Don’t give in , because they are testing boundaries and need proper discipline to teach them to be respectful and responsible later in life
Spanking. Works every time. Obviously don’t sit there and beat him, that’s not the spanking I’m talking about. Couple taps on the bottom, NEVER more than 3. It makes you feel like a terrible parent for a while but the results are worth it. You have to be consistent with it. It takes 14 days to learn a new habit. 2 weeks and your child will act alot better 
my children behave very well, they also have their moments, but the important thing is to also show more love and affection than deciding. Granted some days they make act horrid and you can’t balance it out. It’s better for you to discipline them now than for the system to do it later.
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Also it depends on the child. Some children are very strong willed and they do need spanking. Others are not and no is enough. Just depends.
Wait until he grows up
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Following my son does the same exact thing I’m starting to put him in the corner on a chair also he doesn’t listen when we go outside he will just run I think maybe doing a schedule for him and being very structured on him but anyone else have any other ideas
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