Do Not Stay! You’ll never move on in that situation. Either be together or live apart. You can’t do both. That isn’t healthy for your children.
Men are simple creatures. They want what they can’t have and they love the chase. Dry up those tears and stop begging and make yourself unavailable to him. Trust me on this.
Marriage is a two way street.
If we’re talking about divorce get a lawyer. Don’t chance him trying to take everything including the kids. I’m sad to hear when people break up. Somehow along the way the love gets lost. I picture this place where all the lost love accumulates just waiting to be found but hate blocks the passage and traps it. Things will get better. Hang in there.
If he’s verbally abusive don’t " stay together for the kids sake". Trust me, they’d be happier without hearing all that. I was the child of parents that stayed together for our sake for a few years and then finally separated and my sister and I were much happier with them apart.
You can do better than him by the sounds of it. Kick him out or leave.
You’ll never heal with him there in your face
Be the best mother and the best possible you move on.
Should both have different living arrangements and take turns at family home with kids. So the kids aren’t shuffled around. Don’t want to work out problems then the two adults need to be the ones moving place to place
not the kids.
Does he cook,
Wash and pick
his own toes?
He needs you!
Kids are an excuse
Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Move on! Find someone who wants you as much as you want them.
Worse thing you could ever do is stay living together for the kids …my attorney told me to stay going through my divorce because of our child it was the worse mistake I had ever done it was horrible …we couldn’t get along he come in all hours of the night . You will only regret it if you stay . You will not heal if you stay go ahead and get out so you can start healing and so you can move on
Truth time … someone has to go! Living together will be hard things will get ugly! I’m sorry I know it’s going to hurt but you need to get on a schedule and start working on you stop doing anything for him! Don’t be surprised if there is someone else and that’s why he’s pushing for a divorce
This post screams that he’s a narcissist and sadly he’s looped you in. You’re worth so much more than this.
He’s not leaving until the kids don’t need to be paid for. Grow up and stop being a door mat
Sweet heart if he can’t see you are trying your hardest and he can just give up marriage that easy his not worth it. You can do better I know you love him and it hurts now but it will get easier. but one of you need to move out so you can learn to move forward and be the best mum you can be just focus on you and your kids xx im sending you big hugs xx
May I ask why you’re getting a divorce
He is using you move on
Put him out or move out! Living with him while trying to get over him is a bad idea. You will not get over him that way. Either he needs to leave or you need to leave. Being in his face every day will only make it worse for you, especially if he doesn’t gaf anymore.
Move out and move on so you can heal!
A) no one should have to beg to be loved. Yes, it’s hard. I’ve been there. B)he wants a divorce then he needs to leave. Staying for the kids is bullshit. They know what’s going on and in the end they will thank you for it.
It takes 2! It’s not ALL your fault. I never wanted to stay with a man who didn’t want me. When he sees your independence his eyes might open up. But then it might be to late. Be strong my dear.
You ever heard the saying, Don’t try and keep a man that doesn’t want to be kept?? Hunny let him go and honestly the only way you’re going to be able to move on is if you all aren’t living together that way you are able to get the space you need. Yes it’s going to be hard but don’t stay in the same houses for the sake of the kids because it’s only going to confuse them
Move out. Its better for you and the kids
Trust me it’s not worth staying in the same house it’s so toxic for the kids and yourself. You won’t be happy and sure won’t be able to deal with him seeing other people .I give you a month you won’t put up with it . All you got do is act like you don’t care anymore and start focusing on you and dressing up and showing him you are capable of over moving forward if he does see it don’t fall for him cause he will need to see that you won’t put up with his bs anymore .And start praying more than ever
Can your finances support two households and do you work? If so live in separate housing and he can pay child support. Otherwise too much tension.
One step at a time my friend. Baby steps and then take lunges. I’m in a similar boat. Breathe and you’ll get through this.
Please don’t stay because of the kids! You deserve to be treated with respect too! You have feelings! You will get through this! And they always put the blame on women to make us to feel guilty.
Get yourself a life coach or good therapy. You need to clear and heal your own mind. Your perspective may change
You can not, and will not be as strong as you can be if he stays. You will be hurt ever time you see him walk out the door wondering who he is meeting up with. That leads to hurt not getting over him and becoming stronger. Show him you can be strong without him.
Why would you want to be with someone who’s verbally abusive? Why would you stay with someone who’s like that “for the children”? Do you want them to see that’s how to treat you or anyone else?
Run as fast as u can He’s a jerk
Given the difficult time you’re having and all that’s been described continuing to live together may not be the best for you. I definitely think that space is necessary, you can’t heal while still hurting
Do not stay living together “for the kids sake”. That’s bullshit. They know y’all are split. Don’t give them false hope, and don’t give your husband a free place to stay. Like many others here have said, why do you want to stay living with someone who you have to beg to be with you. Gather up your pride and GTFO. Why would you want to stay living with someone who is verbally abusive? Trust me, once you are out and on your own, it will feel like a tremendous weight has been lifted, even though you aren’t the one wanting this. This is NOT “all your fault”. He is a man child who can’t own up to his share of the responsibility for not making this marriage work. Takes two to make a marriage, and two to break it (very few exceptions to that rule).
So you’re okay with staying in an abusive relationship?
My ex and I stayed living together too…now we hate each other…we have not been together for 4 years and us staying in the same house for a year was a nightmare. For the sake for your relationship as coparents…please leave
As long as you are living together, you will not get over him, and when he starts dating again it is really going to hurt. One of you needs to move out!
Sounds like control and manipulation! Please don’t stay living with someone because of kids. They are going to benefit so much more seeing you in a happy and healthy relationship with yourself and a significant other down the road when you’re ready!
When a man say its your fault its his fault. I know my husband at that said that cheated on him but he cheated on me
It’s called a trauma bond. He is a narcissist and is verbally abusive. Not a loss. For yourself and for your children. Don’t stay in the home. Stay your pride and move on for you and for them.
You need to move out. I know how badly it hurts. I went through it. It will wreck you. And I’m gonna guess he is mostly to blame
Let him gohes not worth it
You don’t want someone who treats you that way. You deserve better. Get yourself into therapy and work on yourself. Soon enough you’ll feel so much better about being out of such a terrible marriage.
If he says its over but you can stay…he will use you in every way.
Know your damn worth…you enjoy being verbally abused? And your staying living in The same house…for the kids sake?!?..biggest mistake to do that…then they grow up seeing it’s ok to verbally, mentally or emotionallyabuse their partners…it’s ok to live in a broken home…basically a whole lot of negative bs your kids don’t need growing up too…get your shit together for yourself but most importantly our kids…get the f out…n yea whatever if it takes time to move on from your husband so be it…but f’in do it! KNOW YOUR WORTH…statistically it can take 5years for a partner to get over their spouse…takes u that long…takes u that long…he will put the blame solely on u for it all to make himself feel better about himself n his decision. Move on.
Honey
He’s a narcissist prick
Run as fast as you can.
Going through the same thing
I know that I am a good person
I am worthy
And have many people that know and respect Me
I AM AT FAULT for letting him take my self esteem
Honesty
A FORIEGN concept to him.
Just be honest
There are two people in a marriage. Both people change over time whether they are willing to admit it or not. If something isn’t working, and/or changed then it’s on both; especially if it hasn’t been addressed earlier. Remember a person who casts the first stone, rarely takes time to reflect on themselves first.
For me, it was out of sight out of mind. Getting out of that house and away from him helped me. Of course, I was sick of my mans BS as he was a narcissist.
First off! 1 of you need to move out. This will never work.
Stop groveling. Time to move on and get it together for your kids and your own self esteem
You better act like you don’t give a shit and focus on you and the kids!!
Get help to move on sounds like he has someone else in pictures
Y’all living together I mean… you’ll be fine lol that’s the sweetest way to breakup for someone who still in love lol just ride it out. He didn’t leave. There’s still hope
Please work on yourself and learn to love and respect yourself…
You can do it!! Baby steps. He doesn’t deserve you
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Why do you want him around?
take a deep breath and take a break from one another. You get to live for you for a while and that is extremely important. Look at it like a gift to future self. Make decisions without him as a factor. Treat him like a friend and a housemate. Learn to love yourself so much that you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want you. Honor yourself. And show your children what it looks like to be good co-parents while living happy separate lives. I promise. It will be all right. Better than you imagine.
You need to move forward. You said yourself he’s verbally abusive. You don’t need or deserve that and neither do the kids. Kick his *ss to the curb. “Staying together for the kids” never works.
Read this again as if you didn’t write it. Maybe that’ll help, even though it’ll be really hard, you’re worth all the love you can give. Stop wasting your time on someone who isn’t worth it.
I smell a rat here.
Manipulation at its best!
Dont ever wait for someone who puts little to no effort in. Everything happens for a reason even if you dont know the reason there is one. Do things for yourself go out have fun take your kids places that make them and you happy dont sweat the small stuff lifes to short live it while you can! i hope this helps.
Jill Witt Story absolutely. Free childcare and housekeeper for him during what would have been his child access time and solid way to ensure she doesn’t meet someone else.
Read everything you wrote and pretend your child was telling you this. Whatever you’d respond to them is what you should do
Why u want a man who don’t want u?..give him what he wants , get rid of him find a good man who loves u. Ur worth it.let him see what he will b missing.B happy.ur worth it.l promise
Having we’re going to stay living together 2 sentences after your question really isn’t going to help.
When u move on and find so.eone else he will then see what he lost and wish for his family back
Going through the same thing but it’s me that’s done. 13 years. When you’re done you’re just done… but I attacked a girl that was hitting on him and talking to him online and I physically tried to beat up a girl (she has a man) but had had him over with them and caused him to relapse… so deep down the love is still there I just desperately need him to change and he won’t. He’s also abusive. I’m far from perfect and have been abusive as well. I have severe mental health issues as does he. You are NOT alone whatsoever. have you ever watched fireproof and seen the book from it the love dare? Also, I just got myself a positive affirmation book to help work on myself as well. But in the mean time all you can do is keep fighting, keep showing him you won’t give up and you love him, marriage counseling? OR, read what you and I just both said, we’re in ABUSIVE AND TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS WHERE CHILDREN ARE INVOLVED…and refuse to raise my kids in that environment… it’s hard I know, but this time I have put my food down and stood my ground. Maybe you just need to show HIM a little bit of how YOU feel; take that pain and hurt and do something with it… maybe it’s time for YOU to move on. Either way no matter what your choice is know that you’re worthy of love, and you can’t let anyone bring you down or make you feel this way as I feel the same way. Please, feel free to dm me…maybe we can talk and get through this shit together because I know I’m not doing so good going through it alone either.
Good advice young lady
He’s got a girlfriend.
I would file for divorce. And I did. I went through something similar about 7 years ago. I wasn’t going to play those games. Don’t lower yourself to his behavior.
Do not live in the same house with him. This is not a relationship that will work that way, yet
Don’t let him stay!! It’ll be bad for you and your children!!!
Do NOT keep living together “for the kids”
The last thing the kids need is to see their parents unhappy and suffering
You need to show them healthy relationships
Don’t stay in the same house for the kids. Have him leave. Move on and be happy.
Move out and find a better man
You have so much more waiting for you. The more you hold on to him, the more it’ll hurt. Let him go and get yourself and your babies a place. New beginnings are hard but necessary.
Staying in the home will confuse your kids and only drag out you grieving the loss of him. Move him out or get your own place and move on. The sooner the better. You can both be good parents apart. If you live together it can be more damaging and you will likely still hold onto hope of reconciliation. Not worth it in my opinion. Good luck!
If you want to do something for the children sake get your own home and leave him in the dust. Because he sounds like he doesn’t want you but doesn’t want you to be able to move on. Men are sometimes more like children who want it their way or no way
Don’t stay for the kids sake because that is worse on the kids to live in that tension . You need to put yourself and kids first and pick up and start a new chapter in your life.
Don’t live together for the kids it will mess them up trust me I’ve been there done that
dont let him live with you . it should be … he leaves or you leave
Time to move out. Staying together in the same house will never allow you the space to move on. You won’t be able to if you’re seeing his face, in your living space, everyday… And he probably has a new girlfriend already… Staying in the same house does nothing for your kids except to set the example that it’s ok to stay in situations where everyone is miserable and unhappy.
Have you tried the book Fireproof? It saved my marriage.
2 happy homes is better then one toxic
Living together won’t be easy for you or the kids. Maybe you need to seperate and if it’s meant to be it’ll come back together! I’m thinking of you, must be such a hard time for you
You are an emotionally abused women. You have been conditioned to think this way about yourself.
Do NOT let him make all the decisions.
Prayers for you!!!
Why would you want someone that doesn’t want you back? You’re going to be fine. The hurt will fade. It’s not in the best interest of anyone, especially the children, to continue living together. Why would you want to show them what it looks like to be abused?!
Abusive, blames everything on you, and “ you need to change” …
Get out!! It’s not your fault, it’s not you, and you don’t “stay for the kids”
Narcissistic piece of shit is what your hubby is.
If you can’t leave for your own sake then do it for your kids. They’re not stupid and they don’t deserve to grow up in a toxic environment.
Yall need to stop using your kids. You’re living together for convienence, not the ‘‘kid’s sake’’. If you were doing anything for the kid’s sake, yall would seperate and live in two separate houses like a healthy divorcing couple should.
You’ll not even get the chance to “get over him” until you’ve properly dealt with the situation. It’s hard and it hurts but staying together “for the kids” is not a viable option and too soon you’ll learn that truth, sadly. It sounds like the time to move on and heal.
You shouldn’t want him to stay. I understand he’s your husband and the father of your children, but children are not a reason to stay with someone and personally, I wouldn’t want to be with someone I had to beg to be with me, regardless of the situation. It would always be in the back of my head “are they here because they want to be or only because I begged them to stay”. You want to get over him, you give yourself some distance. You can’t continue living in the same house and expect to get over the situation. You do not need to stay for the kids. Your kids will be much happier in two separate homes with happy parents than in the same household with their parents giving one another the cold shoulder.
You can lead a horse to water, but you cant make it drink. Past is past move on.
Live together for kids sake?? No if you are done then be done, for kids sake?? All you will be is one miserable family ,kids grow up and move on ,you and hubby are supposed to be together, so do nothing for the the kids sake and everything for the sake of your marriage
There is another woman somewhere in this story!!!
He doesn’t love you and sadly you still love him, you can’t change for someone you can only change for yourself. Living in the same home is keeping the wound open it’s time to move on for yourself and for your kids. The first day is the hardest, the first week is the hardest, the first month is the hardest, the first year is the hardest all this means is you will struggle but with each passing day, week, month, and year it will be easier.
Research codependency
You will get mad my friend. You will , but you will prevail. Love doesn’t hurt. Hold your head up.
Never let a man tell you TWICE that he doesnt want you. If you feel that strongly about him you will not be able to get over him as long as you all are still in the same household. Just my opinion
Explain how this is for the sake of your children? Living in a household with parents that don’t love each other???
Him staying with you after y’all divorce is a disaster waiting to happen. Y’all are going to be fighting a lot more. There could be a day where he’ll take y’all’s kids away from you without you knowing and probably won’t see again. If you care about your children like you say you do, he’d be out of the house. There’s nothing you can do to get him to change his mind. Stop fighting for something that’s never gonna happen.
The only way you will be able to grieve your marriage is by you guys living apart and staying away for a while. It won’t be easy and maybe some part of you will always love him. But that’s okay. One day you will find someone who does actually love you and you love him. Him staying for the kids sake, is far more worse on the kids. Trust me I did the same thing and all It did was keep me unhappy and my ex bothered and pissed I was moving on… The more you hold on the more they will pull away. Just giving you advice from my past and wanting to leave so badly.
He wants his cake and eat it too. Your going to do the same for him as before the divorce.You will never get on with your life with him in the house.
Move out! Don’t put your kids through that kind of negative energy! .
Live your life to the fullest! My ex did this to me and only wanted me back once I showed him I could do it on my own without him. And I’m happier then I’ve ever been you deserve so much more and so do your kids xx