My daughters behavior is starting to interfere in our daily lives. She is 4 years old and her behavior is becoming overbearing. She will backtalk, hit, scream, and just not listen at all. We have took toys, whooped her, done timeouts, tried to sit her down and talk through her emotions with her. Nothing helps, she goes right back to what she was doing as soon as she is disciplined. For example yesterday we had guest over and she ran over and hit them, I took her out of the room and whooped her. She started crying and told me she was sorry. Not even 3 minutes later she ran back in here and started pulling my hair and went and smacked dad in the face. And this is a all day cycle with her. She has never been exposed to hitting or violence so I’m not sure why the hitting is a issue. From the age of 18 months she would bang her head against doors, headboard, etc. being frustrated, then started pulling her own hair. Her doctor said it was just how she dealt with her frustration, so I think maybe the hitting could also be the same? She will not listen to a word we say, for example we take her outside and she makes a run straight for the road. When we remind her everyday before we go out the dangers of running towards the road and why we don’t do it. I’m frustrated at this point and really just need some guidance on what we can do different being that no other punishments faze her.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I handle my daughters out of control behavior?
I’d get a second opinion
Shes never been exposed to violence??
You’re hitting her!
I cant even with this
Bring it up to her doctor 
my daughter was so extreme at a young age and turned out she had adhd. Now I know this may not be your case which is why I suggest explaining these behaviors to a trained professional because there definitely could be something more going on.
I do believe it’s the child’s stage. My child will be 4 in August and she’s going through an attitude, hitting and backtalking stage.
Also maybe try not physically punishing your child or causing embarrassment. Try getting to their level and explain more about why we don’t do things and always reward good behavior.
What type of routine do toy have? Have you seen a children’s psychologist with her? Is she home all day with one of you or in daycare? All of that can be factors
My daughter is doing the same thing. I actually sobbed tonight because of it. It makes it so difficult to do things with her, especially because people are so quick to judge- whether it’s your kids behavior or how you parent. It seems like you can never win. It’s beyond frustrating. I’m following this forsure.
I will say she has regressed the past 3 months since she has been out of daycare and home with me due to medical leave and me not working. Now it seems like she can’t even handle interaction unless it is with me.
Autism has the whole not knowing or getting concept of danger and the way thier actions effect others. Has her dr seen patterns that coinside anything? You can order genetics testing. Thats how we found out about my son having a micro duplicate chromosome from his dad. And that had emotions and learning disabilities that went with it. GET GENETICS TESTING
Your teaching her it’s ok to hit outa frustration. You can’t do that to her and think she won’t do it…
Seek a child counselor and also have her checked out by a Dr…just my thoughts
It’s just a phase pick her u and tickle her kiss her all over her face saying good compliments love her just kill her with kindness thats what I do when my gonna be 4 yrold in July starts acting up
She’s 4 she’s still in the I can’t sit still or stop phase. At 6 become concerned.
Behavior therapy or maybe autism. But instead of listening to us I would continue seeking until you get an answer. I work with behavior and autistic kids and this is a trait. I wish you and your family the best.
I mean…use some logic. You’re trying to teach your child not to hit…but you’re hitting your child because they hit someone else? Lol. 
In my area they offer in home early intervention and work with behavioral therapy! My youngest has going through similar mood swings and not being able to properly communicate and she’s on the spectrum. I’d ask your doctor for a consult to see a behavioral therapist and ask about in home early intervention.
Take her to a behavioral specialist she might be on the spectrum or have an issue you haven’t caught.
Could she be on a spectrum? Please confer with her pediatrician. I promise there’s an answer. Hang in there Mama!
How is her diet? Too much processed food? She may be lacking in iron if she is not eating enough greens and whole foods…makes a huge difference to mood. Best of luck…
My sons 4 and his behavior is ut the gate at the moment
Warn her it’s going to be a spanking then spank her hard enough that she regrets doing what she did…then tell her she chose it. Better get a hold of it now. Might be too late.
Talk to her pediatrician.
She has been Exposed to violence you hit her
Have you had her tested for autism? I have two boys on the spectrum and this immediately made me think of them from what you described. It may be worth looking into 
Ooh I relate to this. I have a recently turned 5 year old who’s similar . His doctor is making me wait until kindergarten starts to evaluate him but anyway it sounds like your kiddo could use therapy and an eval too.
I can tell you why she said answer nobody’s ready to hear that story if you can’t her for hating you’re basically telling her it’s okay to hit and she’s angry but that’s common sense need to get on her level and telling her one time isn’t going to be enough I need to be repetitive need to tell her nice hands member we said nice paint that’s not nice would you like it if someone did it to you remind her that it’s not okay for do a reward chart because obviously she wants some kind of attention and she’s not getting it so why you even giving her the attention she wants equal negative or positive she just going to take it if you do stuff with her when she’s doing positive things it’ll be positive reinforcement
I don’t know your child or your family dynamics but usually behaviour is a child’s way of trying to get our attention. Does she feel overwhelmed in the situation? Is she seeking your attention or approval? I’d start writing the incidents down to see if there’s a pattern.
On a side note, smacking her will make the behaviour worse
perhaps have her checked for autism?
She wants your attention!!! Take some time out of the day and spend real quality time with her. Read a book, play a game, a puzzle, something.
By hitting her, you’re only teaching her that it’s ok to hit. You can’t teach a child not to hit by spanking her…
Is the child getting enough exercise? Long walks are great for them.
Let’s start by not physically disciplining. You’d be amazed how much that affects a child.
She needs to be tested for Autism! It sounds to me she is on the spectrum
I have 6 kids.
My opinion based on what you shared.
She is getting attention from negative attention seeking period.
You are giving her what she wants.
Try praising her for the things she is doing and not focusing on the bad.
I would spend some good quality one on one time with her. She is seeking your attention.
I’d discuss this her doctor. It sounds like early signs of bi polar disorder or in a rare case schizophrenia. Starting testing now can lead to a better understanding as well as teaching her how to live with the emotions and difficulty of her disability
She’s never been exposed to hitting… except “whooping” you mean? Coz like you’ve just shown her the answer to something she dislikes is to hit.
Maybe don’t “whoop her”…. Jfc
She’s overstimulated or overwhelmed! Try removing her from the enviornment, make NO noise. And just get on her level and offer your arms. If she’s still angry then let her be angry, block her hits. Keep your arms open, don’t talk and see if she’ll come in for a hug. Get her calmed down before you yell at her. She doesn’t know how to help herself, it’s your job to teach her
You “whoop” her but then turn right around and say she has never been exposed to hitting or violence. She has. From you. She is 4. You may see them as two separate things but her 4 year old brain absolutely does not.
You say she hasn’t been exposed to violence but in the next breathe you say you have whooped her so I mean you are exposing her to violence.
Explain consequences of things like if she runs into the street a car can run her over and she could get killed. Explaining why things are bad and bad things that can happen due to not paying attention or doing what you say to not do. Explain how bad things can happen. I always try to over explain things to my 5 year old so she understand why i say to not do something.
My son was the same and then finally diagnosed ADHD at 5
“I whooped her… She has never been exposed to hitting and violence though.” 
I would do time outs instead of a whooping. That’s where she’s learning the hitting behavior from.
It’s literally going to be about the battle of the wills. You are going to have to have patience when it comes to time outs.
Also, have you tried redirecting? Distraction is huge at 4 years old.
First- stop hitting your child. When adults do it to one another, it’s assault. Children are people, not objects. Hitting them solves nothing and doesn’t help them behaviorally. All it does is teach them that violence is an option. Your child needs behavioral intervention. You can do this with some outside help. I know it seems overwhelming- but she is young. You have a lot of opportunities ahead. I’m so sorry this is happening. I can tell how much you love her.
She’s not exposed to violence but you’re “whooping her”. . .
Yeah you whipping her has exposed her to hitting
I’d say she’s desperately trying to get your attention & you are exposing her to violence by “whooping” her🤷♀️
Sounds like she might be on the spectrum and maybe have adhd they often go hand in hand, hope u can sort it out 
Shes sounds autistic get her in with a child phycatrist get her evaded she may also have odd or dmdd as well
Y’all and this violence 
is blowing me. Smdh
How could she never have been exposed to hitting if you whooped her? 
Don’t hit your child. Instilling fear is never the answer.
More quality time with her, discussing her big feelings/emotions with her and how to handle them appropriately.
How can you say you whooped her ass and say she’s never been around violence? I’m confused.
She is exposed to hitting. You said you hit her. Whooping = hitting. Maybe stop and try something else.
She could have a form of Autism.
Children model the behavior of the ppl they are most often around. Also, your child acting out is her trying to get attention. The only way you have taught her to get attention is to get negative attention by misbehaving. I suggest you all three quickly begin family therapy and work your issues together for the betterment of you all.
Lastly, hitting your child is abuse. Yelling at your child is abuse. Do not hit “whoop” or yell at your children.
*I am a registered behavior therapist who works with disabled children and has two autistic little boys. I do not mean to attack you. You do need to seek therapy as a family, and I mean that in the most loving and supportive way possible. *
shes reacting to what you’re giving off… she’s 4 & testing you… pick your battles with your 4 yo… sometimes they just need to release feelings…
Here is an article that shows the negative mental and physical health benefits of spanking your child. Please educate yourself. You cannot teach a child not to hit others if you are hitting them. You are modeling how you handle conflict, emotions, and boundries.
Your child needs an evaluation and some professional help! Start by stop hitting her!
Everyone is gonna focus on the spanking and/or therapy. She’s 4 it might be a phase but I’d take EVERYTHING away. Even for just a few hours. Can’t act right outside then you’re not going outside and if you’re leaving and have to get to the car if she’s a runner, carry her. Can’t keep your hands to yourself around people then you’re not gonna be around people. Maybe sitting in her room with no toys for awhile will help her learn there are consequences. I don’t think spanking is a huge deal because you’re probably not hurting her (I hope) but if it doesn’t hurt and she knows she can get away w stuff and just get a pop on the butt then what’s stopping her from doing it again? I say, secluded in her room for awhile then talk about it after 
Stop hitting her and give her attention. Kids do what they know gets them attention, even if it’s negative attention like hitting them…
Maybe it’s time to talk to your care provider about a proper diagnosis for a misdiagnosed child, and using methods to teach yourself how to cope with the situation. Beating the kid is not going to make anything better.
"You clearly stated you whooped her yet said she has never been exposed to hitting or violence. What do you think hitting is ?
I have worked with multiple child therapist/counselors and they have all said the same thing. Hitting a child is the least effective form of punishment and can teach your kid it is okay to hit.
It is possible she is on the spectrum, my 8 year old exhibits the same behavior and he is autistic
Definitely reminds me of my little brother. He has autism. He did exactly all of this at her age. He is now 27.
Your letter is so upsetting to read. You claim that your little girl has not be exposed to violence, but yet you assault her by whooping her. Your daughter wants you to listen to her. She wants love, not to be assaulted.
Oh lord all the holier then thou comments about a parent smacking. Those always amuse me. Ijs. This generation and then we wonder why a lot of kids act like they do. I’m not surprised at these comments and I’m not saying I do it or not, but these amuse me. Dang internet perfect people.
Have you thought about seeing a pediatrician? Further referrals can be made from there if needed, hugs
Look at the behaviour not the child. There is usually a reason behind the behaviour…
Play therapy will do a kid wonders. There’s a lot to learn regarding parenting a kid that age
It could be her testing her boundaries and limits and seeing how far she can go…but if it continues you can check out getting her tested with a psychiatrist to see if she might have a disorder of some kind, because several that I know of can have issues similar to these. My son, for example, has been like this from an early age, as well, and STILL does these kinds of things, at age 9. But some of it is lack of control from a neurological disorder. He was diagnosed with ADHD and DMDD. Things like ODD and conduct disorder could also have this kind of impulse control as well.
Please have her tested for autism
Shes acting out for attention. Positive /one on one attention. Do you spend quality time with her or is life so busy all the time that there’s yelling with little consequences for bad behavior? Consequences must be consistent! 1 warning for bad behavior and time out ! You let her know why shes put on time out and tell her shes has 4 minutes to sit. If she gets up, sit her right back down we with no words. Do it again and again until she sits for 4 minutes, being consistent! When shes done , ask her if she knows why she was punished, ask her to say shes sorry and hug her. Tell her that behavior is unacceptable and she will do timeout whenever it happens again
Hm maybe you shouldn’t be “whooping” the child. Studies say children who are smacked can be more aggressive than children who aren’t. There’s other ways to discipline a child. Watch some fb watch “Super Nanny” videos, maybe you’ll learn a thing or two.
I mean she is exposed to hitting. You “whoop” her
She could possibly have O.D.D. I would take her to your pediatrician and have her evaluated. I hope you figure it out. Is she in school? Perhaps exposing her to more children her age that can help her see what her behavior should be would help also. She doesn’t need a spanking…it isn’t helping her. Ask her what she needs and try to oblige within reason. She may just need time and attention. Prays are with you and your family as you figure this out:heart:
Whooping a child teaches that it’s ok to hit
Have you spoken to a doctor
She’s autistic. Have her professionally evaluated. They have great therapies to help her cope.
First, nothing and I mean nothing works the first time you do it. It’s time and practice and consistency.
Second, you absolutely have been exposing her to violence, whooping her IS violence. Studies have shown that children who are occasionally spanked and children who were severely abused have the same brain reactivity after being exposed to images such as angry or sad adult faces. The children who were severely abused have a stronger reaction, but they have the same reaction in the brain nonetheless.
You need to figure out why she’s hitting, is she overstimulated, does she not have the correct words to verbalize how she’s feeling? She isn’t doing it just to do it, especially when she most likely knows that it’s going to result in her being hit.
Get a family therapist and get her a child behavioral therapist (non ABA) and work through what’s going on.
Quit hitting your toddler
Is this a troll post? Because how can you legit sit there and say “she’s never been exposed to hitting” when you whooped her? 
First of all y’all stop shaming her because she whoops her child that is not violence that’s called discipline and unfortunately some children have to have that otherwise they end up in prison where they really get a beat down so first of all stop with that nonsense.
If you feel like you’ve honestly tried everything and nothing has helped it’s time to go see your pediatrician let them know what’s going on and see if maybe she needs to see a child counselor she may be having some behavioral issues that are linked to some things that need to be treated through a medical professional. Just because you tap your child on the butt doesn’t mean you’re beating them to death people need to stop with that nonsense.
But she needs an evaluation by her pediatrician and then more than likely by a child psychologist and then you can go from there and they can give you the information education tools and show you what needs to be done and you can work together as a family to hopefully correct the issue.
I hope nobody on here put your child in time out because that’s like mental abuse. I mean it’s mental abuse you’re withholding your child’s freedom sounds stupid doesn’t it stop shaming other moms for how they take care of things her child’s not in danger she’s not abusing her that’s not abuse.
She needs to be evaluated for being on the Spectrum or other disorders… and “ Whoopi ng” her is teaching her it’s on to hit!! Wake up mom… you never put a hand on a child in anger… call her pediatrician Monday!!
I say bring her to a psychologist for am evaluation. We did that with my son when he was in kindergarten and it helped a lot
“I whooped her” “she’s never been exposed to violence” wtf do you think whooping is?
I believe she could be autistic have her tested and try therapy before she hurts herself.
I think she needs some professional help and soon
For starters, spanking is okay as long as it’s done correctly. As long as you aren’t spanking out of anger, leaving marks, etc, there is nothing wrong with it. However, in this case, there is obviously something else going on and if your pediatrician is chalking it up to “dealing with frustration” you might consider a second opinion elsewhere.
Sounds like my son.
We ended up with ODD, ADHD and possible ASD as a result of diagnosis.
But essentially, I’d suggest maybe a behavioural therapist.
Bust her ass, like we used to when we was kids. That’s what’s wrong with kids now, not enough discipline!
Sounds like she is “on the spectrum” … brain inflammation from toxins, vaccines. meds/drugs …
I’m sorry but you say she’s never been exposed to hitting but then say you whoooped her??
Maybe she is hypoglycemic. Try timeouts in a spot with no distraction. Try and see if she is actually hungry instead of upset.
How do you possibly think she will learn that hitting is not appropriate when you’re hitting her. I get you’ve tried other options but it’s about time you take her to the paediatrician and talk things through with them there is always a reason for the behaviour my son has autism and this is him on a daily basis do I hit him? Do I fuck a stern no and then I walk away. Don’t abuse your kids it’s not punishment!
Obviously hitting her NEEDS to stop.
Talk to her dr about autism.
I couldn’t read past the fact you hit a 4 year old. You need to stop that!!!
“Whooped her”? 
isn’t that violence? You’re literally teaching her that’s it OK to hit. I strongly suggest getting Positive Parenting Solutions. The course does cost about $200, but it comes as an app and it’s absolutely invaluable.
Have you gotten her tested for autism? Sounds like some (NOT all) the things my son would do, we got him tested and he was diagnosed with autism. I’m able to get him help and it has helped him so much
First of all, if she’s hitting someone why hit her back? Bc if she thinks it’s ok for mom and dad to do it, she’s gonna keep doing it.