So you hit your 4 year old for hitting??? Ima need you to make that make sense
DON’T let any of the negative comments make you feel like you’re failing as a mom. NO ONE knows how they’d handle this situation until they’ve lived it. I was a pediatric RN and saw many behavioral issues and struggling families. Every parent struggles at one time or another whether they admit it or not. It’s also irresponsible to diagnose anything on FB and can make a stressful situation worse. Please call Monday and make an appt with your pediatrician. Your daughter needs to be evaluated. You MUST be her advocate. You know her better than anyone. Make them listen and if necessary find another pediatrician. Until the appt. be calm and firm with her. Make her follow age appropriate rules for a 4 yo. Don’t raise your voice, spank her or show anger/ frustration. She’s probably stimulated by your reaction. I know it’s absolutely exhausting but don’t give in or give up EVER. Don’t let her win even when you’re at your wits end. Strive to be calm, loving and firm at all times. Have her seen by professionals and follow their advice. You CAN do this!!!
Sounds like she has autism. She needs to see a doctor asap
You’re hitting your child because they’ve hit you?
Seems logical … not
My daughter is autistic and she used to do the same things and she still has behavioral issues we are working on. Have her evaluated. IMO… it’s fine to spank your child. I don’t recommend you beat them or make marks on them but children in general respond different to different types of discipline. With that being said, also, I do not believe at all your daughter is running up and hitting you, her dad, or guests because you spank her. Definitely schedule an appointment with her dr. You’ll get thru this mama (((hugs)))
Get her evaluated by a behavioral specialist she may have some sort of disorder and if diagnosed she may be able to get the help/support that she needs.
I would definitely get her into therapy, there’s a lot of programs out there to see if she is on the spectrum or not. Also there’s places called brain balance and I think there’s plenty other that are similar to help with behavioral association
Get her checked/evaluated … look into behavioral supports to help with different strategies to curve the behavior. It’s definitely a frustrating situation to be in but it truly could be out of her control and needs other strategies to cope/respond
Honestly definitely sounds like she’s on the spectrum
I think your child has adhd and us possible but-polar. We had a child with all the same actions your child had. He was four years old when he was diagnosed.
Number one never whooped your child when come to mental health concerns, I would get her see by doctor get her diagnosis and work with program that she needed help with, she already struggling and hitting your daughter is not answered
Sounds identical to what I went through with my daughter she’s 16 now and unfortunately I never got a definitive answer for what was going on with her she’s not like she used to be but still very rebellious
I think it’s time for a new pediatrician, And start from there. Prayers for you and your family
Never been introduced to violence but you spank her… she doesn’t listen but do you even listen to yourself?
Therapy and talk more… a lot more. I’m constantly dealing with explaining things to my 4yo daughter atm…
Maybe undiagnosed autism? My friends son is autistic and he dashes for the road also. Get her evaluated. My friend also told me girls usually show signs later than boys or is harder to detect in girls so some go undiagnosed for a long time. Not sure how accurate that is, but definitely get her evaluated. Good luck momma!
My daughter was pretty angry starting around the age of 2. It took awhile but gentle parenting is the way to go. Do not whoop, scream, yell or argue because everything you do she is learning and she is thinking it’s okay. Also try spending a little more one on one time and doing fun things together, kind of sounds like she needs attention and she’s doing the only things she knows that will get a reaction out of you because negative attention is better than no attention at all. It takes a lot on your part more than theirs. Remember she is little, and she only knows what you teach her. Be understanding to how she is feeling, we all have emotions. Try rewarding for good behavior as well, and for the love of god always mean what you say. (For example: if she throws a toy and you tell her if she does it again, she’s going to her room. And she does it again… she must go to her room.) mean what you say and say what you mean. My daughter is 7 now and she still has her moments, but hell I even still have mine. Good luck momma.
First of all stop hitting your kid. Hitting her because she hit you is ludicrous. She is 4 for heavens sake. It sounds like she could have autism or even adhd. Have her evaluated.
Vaccinations can cause aggressive behavior. I found that out with my kiddo.
Took her to the room and whopped her but she has never been exposed to hitting or violence ?
I whooped her…I’ve never exposed my child to violence…
So you’re hitting a kid with autism
I would take her to a child psychologist. Teach her self regulation which at first you must role model by not hitting etc yourself because if you can’t regulate your emotions how do you expect your child to when they are following what they see and hear. Children this young are still learning how to express and deal with emotions. Reward good behaviour. Feel free to have her assessed which can be hard to diagnose at her ago. Behaviour like that can simply be not being stimulated enough or wanting attention. Don’t give into inappropriate behaviour either. Stand your ground. Once they know they can get away with something they will. If a child knows they can scream and then get something they want because you give in to not deal with the screaming that only encourages the behaviour for example. Also diet plays a massive part in children’s behaviors. I’d be looking at what you feed your child to
Have her go to her room until she quits what she is doing. As long as you give her the attention for her behavior it will continue. Tell her you love her and when she is done with that tantrum she can come out.
Get her evaluated. This sounds like my middle child when he was 4. He is now 12 and was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism at the age of 5/6. With therapy, he has come a long long way. Mama that everything works out .
You said she has never been exposed to hitting or violence but in the description twice…you said you hit her / whooped her?
Maybe a parenting course to help get some extra skills in dealing with her behavior.
Also instead of saying what not to do, try saying what she can do. Sometimes just a little difference in words and the positive side can be more helpful. As adults we don’t like being told what not to do, same with our kids.
Good luck
Do you let her use electronic devices?? My granddaughter was a monster after being in on them.
You need to take her to a neurologist or a behavioral pediatrician for a complete evaluation on ADHD or her being on the autism spectrum. They will probably draw blood as well. Her out of control behaviors need to be looked into ASAP.
Tori MacDonald surviving isn’t fkn good enough! Get with it, our parents didn’t know any better but we do now so if your smacking your kids you need to know it doesn’t work. Clearly! If it did no more than 1 would be required, right!? You are guaranteed to get better results by not smacking this has been proven time and again…don’t believe me? Try simply testing a different discipline approach and see for yourself! Smacking is sheer laziness and frustration of the parent! It has NOTHING to do with correcting behaviour and teachable moments. You know it…come on man…just cos we “survived” doesn’t mean it was correct, like yer I smack them but they didn’t die sooo…nah thats not parenting. Thats laziness and frustration.
Sensory seeking behavior with banging her head and lack of understanding about danger point to autism. I’d definitely say you need to start the process of getting evaluated and treatment for her behavior. My son is very similar he is severely adhd and hf asd so I completely understand it’s a very very hard road I wish I could say it gets better but that hasn’t been our experience😔
People who are saying “Omg you spanked her wow so horrible” obviously wasn’t raised in a southern or strict family. When it’s well deserved spankings have a good effect. IE when I was a kid I was never scared of my dad but if I were to start doing something bad I would think “of shit I do not want a sore butt today”
Other than that, my son has high functioning autism, this sounds like the EXACT same but (not trying to make it a competition) a little worse. I’m still waiting on a phone call to start therapy. It’s been a year or so, hang in there mom.
And get off your phone!
Counseling!!! She has got some underlying issue not treated or diagnosed
Big hugs. There’s nothing harder than knowing something’s wrong, but not knowing what or what to do. First of all, I’d be shopping around for a new pediatrician. This one isn’t paying attention, or he’d know that these behaviors can be a sign of being on the autism spectrum. Prayers going up for you and your family. You can do this.
When you hit her, you’re teaching her that hitting is an appropriate way to express frustration. Take your child to a specialist. Ask for a referral, and don’t take no for an answer. Stop hitting your kid. It causes the same brain changes that victims of extreme violence have. Do better.
Psychological work up, therapist appt asap. Autism, odd, sensory issues and all kinds of things can cause behavioral like this in kids. It’s a good place to start hun!
You said she hadn’t been exposed to violence or hitting but you whooped her ? That is violence… and she is responding to that.maybe try see a pediatrician and get her evaluated as punishment like that will not work if she is adhd or on the spectrum. I know kids can be frustrating but try see to some help for the best way to deal with these outbursts instead of whooping
You don’t need punishment she may be on the spectrum and if so you are gonna need help navigating that
To me it sounds like you are physically and mentally abusing a child with ASD. No child in the world should be whooped as you put it, in fact in most countries now it’s illegal.
Correcting a bad behaviour with another bad behaviour isn’t going to work. You need to take her to see a child psychologist. There could be more at play then just a child with difficult behaviour, she’s four years old “whooping” her is probably not the answer.
You should really have her screened for autism. She sounds like she’s sensory seeking, overstimulated, & having meltdowns.
My daughter is 4 . Iv literally only tapped her on the butt 1 time and we both cried & apologized to each other . I talk to her and explain things & certain behaviors are not ok to do. She listens because I take the time to communicate with her ,children are not good at expressing emotions & how they’re feeling at that age .i just cant spank mines I don’t see how ppl do they’ll just repeat what their shown & suppress how they show emotion. No wonder there’s so many sociopaths now I’m pretty sure we were all raised like that I used to get my ass whooped & that ‘I turned out fine’ is bs . Plz start actually talking to your children
She needs to see a neurologist and a therapist.
Talk to her And pray for guidance from doctors who know the answers to all your questions
Is “whooping” not hitting?
“Here let me hit you to show you hitting is wrong”…
Child hits someone else…
“No we aren’t allowed to hit people!”…
I would start with stopping that. Also, it’s probably very awkward for guests when you are in the other room whooping your child until they cry. To each their own But I think that probably sends her the absolute wrong message. I would definitely say a trip to her doctor is needed, and if they won’t listen maybe get a second opinion.
My grandson acted like this and is now almost 8. He has severe case of ADHD and is being tested for autism. He also has been diagnosed with explosive difant disorder ( where he has outbursts of anger and sometimes violence. Such as hitting punching kicking for no reason whatsoever.
He is on medication and it has helped greatly.
He also does therapy and so does his parents.
Seems like she has sone anger issues and hasn’t got an outlet I’d take her too see someone and maybe enroll her In to a boxing class or something
This was my daughter at 4! We had to put her on a fail safe diet! This was after having allergies tested, an assessment and doing a triple P course. Good luck!
Its OK for u to give her a whooping but expect her to behave. Monkey see monkey do lol
You taught her to hit to get her way or when you don’t get your way soooo
try positive reinforcement
hitting her will just create more anger.
Look at where you wrote “I whooped her.”
Enough said.
You should have her checked out by Dr/therapist. if there is nothing wrong then repetition reinforces the punishment, if your not doing it and continuing to do the punishment the child sees you give up. Your child could be on time out back and forth for hours
Ummm… she is neurodiverse and you are punishing her for the mere audacity for being overwhelmed and overestimated and having a meltdown as a result AND for stimming, which is a self regulatory behavior (not all forms of stimming is okay, as some are harmful to oneself and others OR is destructive and I get it: I am an ASD/ADHD mom of two ASD/ADHD boys. But trust me, as a neurodiverse person, all the spanking did was confuse me about hitting at that age- like literally I would think ‘mommy hits when she is mad, so it has to be okay’ and then be thinking ‘but mommy hits. Why is it okay for her to hit when she is mad, but not me?’ Yes, I remember thinking those things as a child. I am not perfect, I have spanked my own kids, but I try to keep it to a miminimum) but trust me, telling a neurodiverse person to not stim- even if you are trying to redirect it to something that fulfils the sensory NEED in a more appropriate way- does not just remove a self regulatory tool from your child, but can actually be physically painful.
I have actually had muscles and joints get sore from trying to force them to not move until I could not take it.
I have ended up having a sore jaw and a headache from not being allowed to speak.
I have even had my own ability to focus hampered because what I was wearing was not comfortable at all and I did not have any way to stim around me to distract me from whatever the clothing was doing that was causing me to have a sensory overload.
We usually live in a sensory overload on the daily that is a normal person’s overload on steroids- so basically a normal person’s overload times ten on a GOOD day- and then even as adults, expected to act as though we are not that far overwhelmed and overstimulated.overestimated.
You know.
The things that with anyone else would be considered putting a person in a toxic situation and environment or would be gaslighting that person if it was just about anyone else?
Those things?
I am willing to bet ya dollars to donuts that your daughter is autistic with sensory processing disorder as a base and that she might also have a few other co-morbidities along with it.
Get your child evaluated and then get all of your asses into some therapy.
Parent "she has never been exposed to violence or hitting…
Proceeds to take child into the bedroom for a whooping
She hasn’t been exposed to hitting or violence? I’m having trouble with that sentence since you said multiple times you “whoop” her.
Never been exposed to hitting? Define ‘whooped her.’
Sounds like possible autism
Have her evaluated and it need started therapy services.
She HAS been exposed to hitting, what do you think “whooping her” is? Maybe “whooping her” isn’t a good solution to your problem.
Yet another parent, not seeing the irony in the fact that they are hitting a child when they’re upset, and expecting that four year old not to mimic that behavior, where they think it’s okay to hit people, if THEY get upset, then punishing them for it again.
She could have something going on, like ADHD or Autism or ODD, or she’s been traumatized in some way, or feels like she isn’t getting enough attention. “Whooping” her, is only going to make matters worse. You are the one exposing her to hitting when angry or frustrated.
Maybe try actually talking to her about it, when both of you are calm, or seeking a specialist, like a therapist or child psychologist, to observe her and perhaps a therapist for you, too, to learn how to cope with a four year olds meltdowns in a healthy way.
Girl my nearly 4 year old daughter is exactly the same
All these comments!!! Probably why these kids are the way they are now. I know I got my ass whipped more than once and I whooped my own kids when needed. A good ol’ ass wipping never hurt nobody. Mama, you just keep trying your best. Discipline how you think is fit. Some people don’t know what that means and their kids are the ones that are gonna be behind bars. Maybe talk to your doctor about other options that are available. She definitely needs to be tested. Just to make sure.
Whooping will help how?? Your need to consult a child Therapist or professional who can diagnose the reason behind a 4 year old acting out, there could be a multidude of reasons.
Ignore the Karen’s. I completely understand where you’re coming from. Exhausting almost all options & nothing is helping. Don’t want to take them to a therapist because they wanna push medication. The doctors give you a little piece of paper that say what you should do but doesn’t understand the constant frustration every single day, I have been there. I cried in the bathroom. In my bed at night when I could breathe. But my son did grow out of it. There is hope. Hopefully it’s just an age thing. Good luck to you
She could be adhd or on the autism spectrum spankings don’t work for any child, and any and all consequences need to be at her level of understanding like if you have spoken with her about the dangers of outside and yet she still runs for the rd tell y’all are going to go outside if it’s something she asking to do, and instead tell her if you run to rd we will comeback inside and not play outside today and keep with it she will eventually understand and when she does then you can talk more with her about why we stay clear of the rds. I did this with 2 of my sons one would always run towards the rds when we went outside and the other would always run off when I let him have a chance to walk beside me in the store, I also got a child leash. The first time I hooked them on it I told them this as far as you can go play until we can follow the rules and I would remind them of the rules they would throw a tantrum at first but I would comfort them and let them know that what they were feeling was anger and frustration and that it was ok to have those feelings and when they were done I will still be there waiting for them to either play while on the leash or we could do something else if they chose to. Kid are very smart if the ones who are delayed, autistic, or adhd just got to take the time to figure out what works best for everyone them especially
You’ve taken the proper steps. She may have adhd so you should have her tested for that. Don’t be hard on yourself mama
Man if you don’t punt that kid like a football Nah realistically though there’s no way that this can be real
Stop hitting her first off, and second get a child therapist involved. This sounds like something else is going on when you are not around and she has no way to voice her upset about it other than hitting or showing out. Who is she around? Does she feel safe? That’s the first question I’d ask. What is she seeing when you are not around, what is she so upset about? Children can not express their frustration or angst as they have not learned how to but you are def teaching her that hitting is one way if you keep “whooping” her. Id say get her a therapist and get one for you and your spouse as well that deals with parenting and coping.
Why do parents think hitting their children will teach them anything but that hitting solves a problem
Maybe stop hitting your kid. You’re the one setting the example and showing her that it’s ok.
Sounds like she needs to be assesed
You can’t say that she’s never been exposed to hitting or violence after you say that you hit her in the previous sentence.
If “whooping” isn’t hitting, I don’t know what else to call it! You need to learn some appropriate discipline methods that don’t include hitting your child.
My daughter was the same, I decided to just give punishment for serious things and just a talk for anything else, but made it clear she wasn’t in trouble, we just need to talk about it and explain what was wrong. Now she’s 5 and improved a hell of a lot, most of tge time now she’ll go to throw a tantrum of scream at me but stops herself then gives me a cuddle.
Have u tried talking to a therapist? Potentially ADHD or autism?
A Behavioral Therapist can help.
Make sure her doctor will have her get a Pet Scan.
Stop teaching her to be violent. Can your individual therapist help you find a parenting class? Hopefully if you get the help you need, you can avoid social services intervening when she is old enough to tell people how you treat her
I’m going to this say one time, and one time only …
Adults don’t get “whooped” by there employer , teacher ,coaches when they do wrong or talk back to so why the flip are you?!
Dude first off, children brains aren’t even fully developed at that age … like please look up what a frontal lobe even is (and that’s just science , literally straight fact) and you’re doing and saying what now ? You are there parent… how about you grow the heck up ? Your brain is fully capable of understanding basic science but instead you’re getting upset that a child is doing what children do? No. No. And no. Step back.
Your child will remember every single time you “whooped” them , or punished them, or talked down to them over things they do not understand and cannot control. You are the parent, they are the child. Read a damn book.
This is not okay parenting , I don’t give any fucks what anyone has to say about “well back in my day, or god says this”.
Probably because you hit her.
any new change of foods? Or friends, teachers?
She may have ADHD Disorder or Add. My Son had ot & we didn’t find out to Middle School. He had some things different. It could be here Thyroid or Para Thyroid. If you had a slow birth bringing her in this world or the cord was wrapped around her neck & others events. That can cause ADHD or Add. Also causes big time learning difficulties & hating School. Idk good luck just try making her mind still but tell her everyday you love her several times a day. We never know why or what’s going on in there mind. A Therapist could be a start to direct you in what to do. Let her know you love her. Try doing things together. Oh & I just happen to think she could have Autism. She has a lot of those symptoms. Good luck my friend.
You’re trying to teach her not to be violent by hitting her?
Smh:roll_eyes:Omg… these comments! … exactly what’s wrong with this friggin world today- none of y’all got a good enough a$$ whipping growing up and it shows! I’m 36 years old, and growing up If I (or my siblings)did something ‘bad’ enough which resulted in punishment-(which we were all fully aware of!)- we got our little asses tore up! It took ONE good time and that was it- no whining and arguing and promising/ slick talk- just one good old fashion spanking was what taught us all RESPECT then and TODAY…that’s the prob w these unappreciative spoiled little brats today… I said what I said- the end!
Stop with the whooping her, you’re telling her not to do it that it’s wrong then u do it, please ask for her to be assessed sounds like she needs it desperately xx
‘We have took toys, whooped her’
‘I took her out of the room and whooped her’
‘She has never been exposed to hitting or violence so I’m not sure why the hitting is an issue’
It’s a learned behaviour, she sees how you take your frustrations out on her and she is doing the same. My advice would be to stop whooping her and to persevere with the ‘tried to sit her down and talk through her emotions with her’ plan.
At 4 years old theirs brains don’t work like ours, you have to consistently model how to communicate your frustrations to them so they can do it back to you. If she’s struggling a lot with anger and frustration it could be a good idea to find an activity you know she loves to redirect her focus to when you find she’s acting out.
Not exposed to violence yet you hit her as a form of discipline…which is… violence. See the pattern mama. You have to teach her how to handle her emotions and healthy ways to deal with frustration and anger other than violence. By “whooping” when in trouble you are only reinforcing hit when frustrated, angry or upset. Please stop hitting your child.
My 6 year old is like this. Her dad died in August 2021. I have her in therapy. I talk to her daily about her actions. It’s a struggle all day.
I would start with a child clinician. They’re amazing and can talk and play with her to where she understands. Also some parenting lessons for you and dad. The last thing would be to put her in a sport and/or a group setting where she gets to communicate with other children her age. I’m not sure if she’s an only child or if she goes to daycare but sometimes having that play time with other kids and a set schedule helps because they know what to expect and can be prepared for it. Seems like there’s not any communication from you to your child. It’s very important to talk and tell her what the plan is and what’s next so she can mentally and emotionally prepare herself. My son has ADHD and I noticed since I’ve changed the way I communicate with him then he’s able to switch activities easily with less melt downs.
Some kids learn opposite ways, she needs more encouragement of good behavior. Stop hitting her. She learned hitting from you hitting her. Dr told you it could be that’s how she handles frustration, well your making her more frustrated so no wonder why she doesn’t listen.
bust. her. ass
but it also sounds like there’s a mental health issue here too. not even being funny.
If by “whooped” you mean spanked, I’m not seeing why so many people are against it. I was a horrible kid and I got spanked all the time. Now I’m behaved and mature, and don’t even think about violence. To some people it works, to some it doesn’t. I am not against spanking because that’s how I was raised. But yeah, you should take her to a therapist to see why she’s being so difficult. Something could’ve happened to her and she doesn’t know how to react or control her emotions because of a situation. Try calmly speaking to her. Try bonding peacefully. She’ll come around eventually.
“Has never been exposed to violence” but you “whoop” her.
Maybe the problem is you’re trying to teach her that hitting is wrong by hitting her.
You say she’s never been exposed to hitting or violence but you’re disciplining her by “whooping her”. I’m not judging because I’ve spanked my kids before - but it truly does more harm than good. You’re showing right there that hitting is what you do when angry or frustrated. I never was one to spank often anyway, but haven’t done it in years. Talking it out, counting, breathing exercises are all helpful ways. It takes A LOT of communication, especially with a child that has that stubbornness & will power to be defiant (exactly like my middle daughter), but you’re going to be thanking yourself down the road that you took the time to teach them with communication instead of whoopings. The person they become depends completely on the approach you take in raising them.
Where’s the OP on this page? Anonymous or not, whooping a 4 year old when there brain isn’t even fully functioning (front lobe doesn’t fully develop until 5+ years) is abuse … like wtf? Report this person!!!
In fact, any parent admitting to abuse there child should automatically get reported , this is ridiculous.
Has she ever been evaluated for autism? I used to work at a childrens place and a saw a lot of those behaviors, especially the head banging on the door
I’ve never had to spank my daughter but she’s never had these issues. My nephew was bad from the day he was born we used hot sauce and spanked him nothing worked. He’s 17 now and severely ADHD… we was spanked as kids and are mostly fine. Some kids are just worse than others unfortunately.
well wooping her is teaching her to hit especially as a form of discipline when your frustrated. You should teach her that when she gets frustrated or angry that it’s ok to have that type of human reaction. All that means is that something is happening not to her liking and it’s ok just show her different ways to express herself like if she’s upset about something teach her to take deep breath’s and if she’s a good talker ask her why she is upset & about the hitting company you shouldn’t discipline her with woopings that’s why she goes back out and continues with hitting. Show her by projection on yourself that it’s a no no and it hurts. show her how it is a violent behavior & I guarantee she will stop. It just takes time and patience to learn your little person but most importantly they watch how you handle every situation so just become more patient and understanding that at the end of the day baby , toddler is still human and learning ways to express herself. with running out into the road once again show her self projection on how extremely dangerous it can be. If you have to pretend to get hit by a car and drop down and pretend to be hurt then do it because your showing her how dangerous it is. praying for you and your family
I’m going to be honest it sounds like
adhd/odd. Iam not a doctor though. I had my daughter referred at 4 and by 5 almost 6 she was diagnosed with it. she had similar behaviors you are experiencing. Because of age most doctors will not recommend meds but they do give counseling and what not. For me that was 2009/2010. definitely call your pediatrician.
You are showing her that hitting out is the way to do things!! My son got diagnosed on autistic spectrum 22 years ago and he has never lifted his hand to ANYBODY…even at 3/4 years old…he hit walls and butted walls etc but never assaulted another human being!! Have a think about your own behaviour first and then think about how your child feels, frustrated, angry and hurt, and getting taught that “whooping” is how to deal with things, you are teaching your child that hitting out is how to get things to go your “own way”