Too many sensitive Karen’s in here over mom whooping her child.
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This is a desperate mother asking for advice not judgement on how she is handling this situation.
Take a breathe and relax all of you people.
Mumma please raise these issues with your doctors and maybe ask for behaviour testing to see if there are any issues. Don’t beat yourself up with the past focus on making things fun and positive.
Ask for help from whoever will listen, my daughter struggles with her emotions and we have seen a child psychologist and have learnt some strategies for dealing with the bad behaviour. Stop, listen and engage with them and let your child know it’s ok to feel how they feel but being silly isn’t always ok.
Good luck I hope you find something that works.
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My brother is similar and has ODD.
you say she has never been exposed to hitting or violence but you admit you whip her. To each its own and everyone parents different but children are little humans. I can understand how tough girls can be trust me I know I have 5. Two 5yr olds, a 3yr old and two 1 yr olds. I think you should try a different approach or maybe evaluation… counseling…
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Sounds like some o.d.d and maybe bipolar my daughter is same way but she 15 now
Please talk to your doctor ASAP. This could be EBD or ASD or something else that is making it difficult for her to cope with certain things so she lashes out. Often times it looks like the child is being naughty when they’re really needing to learn coping skills.
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Has she been tested for autism?
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Have you considered she may be autistic? Your description of her fits with PDA autistic traits (pathological demand avoidance), plus the banging head on things at 2yo. Most Drs diagnose autism based on male traits since female autistic traits weren’t acknowledged until recently.
But also, violence begets violence. To a child, you’re hurting them. It doesn’t matter if you believe it’s discipline. A child is not cognizant enough to understand any difference between hitting for discipline and hitting for no/other reason.
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My son had the same issues at her age…he was diagnosed ADHD…i took him to counceling thru his whole childhood and he had to be put on medication. And it helped sooooo much!
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Whooped a four year old… wtf is wrong with you
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This is just crazy. Attacking one another over a post, that may or may not be true… crazy …time to leave this group, everyone turns against one another and doesn’t really care about helping the person that posts just tears them down not all of you but most definitely some of you.
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Change your thoughts from punishment to teaching/guiding.
It will take a lot of self discipline & working through your own triggers. My parents spanked. I never agreed with it. My dad was proud when he say, “my feet hit the ground & you girls knew to stop.” We didn’t stop out of respect. We stopped at of fear of being whooped. There is a difference. You need to show her a little respect. It works both ways. Kids deserve respect too.
You said she hasn’t been exposed to violence or hitting BUT you whoop her. That is violence. That is hitting. So, first step, stop doing that. You don’t teach not to hit by hitting. That doesn’t make sense.
You need to pick something & stick with it. I would pick with talking to her & letting her express her emotions. She wants to hit something? Give her a pillow to hit. Let her get it out that way. She wants to kick? Give her a ball & go outside or wherever & let her kick.
She runs to the road whenever she’s outside, get a backpack leash, get a leash that goes around your hand & hers. She can stay close & have freedom. Whenever she learns the rules, take it off.
Consistency is key.
She’s 4. They haven’t learned to regulate their emotions. She’s trying to communicate. She’s trying to express herself. & sounds like she wants attention & the only way to get it is by acting out.
Lots of patience.
Hugs.
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Sounds like she needs more positive reinforcement. I spanked my kids, don’t see anything wrong with it for certain behaviors, like things that were dangerous. Touching a socket or running in the street. But her violent behavior should be handled differently I think. Create opportunities for her to do good things and be rewarded for them. Make her feel like a big girl, she sounds like she wants to be in control, just define the lines and boundaries of what she can control. When u bring in groceries or put new furniture together, ask for her help. Make her feel needed and included. She probably spends a lot of time in time out or in her room for bad behavior and and may need more of that positive interaction. Just my opinion, and sorry for all the folks shaming you 
none of us are perfect parents just gotta try to get it right 
good luck!
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Look up the Triple P positive parenting program. I believe that is what it’s called. One of the things they tell you to do is to reward the positive behavior. When my little guy was 2 and 3 he had horrible tantrums. I felt like I was at my whits end. I began rewarding him for his good behavior and it helped. I printed off a sticker chart, hung it on my fridge, took him to the store to pick out his own stickers and then let him put them on the chart when he did something good. The deal was if he got 10 stickers then he could get a happy meal or we’d go get ice cream or something like that. It really helped him. The program also tells you to make sure you’re consistent and follow through. If you tell her that she has to sit in quiet time if she hits you then you have to make her sit in quiet time. They say give it a time limit. It can be 2 min but that 2 min doesn’t start until she’s quiet. Then you let her out but if she does it again it’s immediately back to the quiet time.
Another thing they suggested is giving the child a way that they are allowed to be angry. For example my little guy got really upset that someone ate the last cupcake. He had been looking forward to it all day and couldn’t wait to get home from preschool to eat it. In this case I was able to just sit down in the chair and hug him. I’ve had those same feelings that he was having but I didn’t go kicking and screaming over it. So I hugged him until he calmed a little bit and then we talked about how he was feeling. But if that didn’t work the program suggests you give them a way to release that anger. It could be a pillow to scream into or punch, a punching bag, give them a piece a paper and let them rip it up or wad it up and throw it. Look into the program. It could be really helpful.
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Check her for autism
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My son is having the exact same thing and we have started the process of testing and his doc is saying autism and adhd. Definitely talk with her dr and get a referral to a child psychiatrist for evaluation
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My granddaughter like that if had red or yellow dye,she was a different girl when taken off them. Read all labels white frosting has red dye.
Have her evaluated for oppositional defiance disorder. Cut all foods with dyes out of her diet. Ditch sugar.
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This sounds like ASD and ODD. something my kiddo has
Stop hitting her for hitting…
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Check her out physically and then try therapy . Therapy could be for her or for you ( to help you learn a consistent way of dealing with these issues ).
I think you should read up on some Montessori materials and educate yourself on positive discipline. It could really benefit you and her.
I understand spanking, because that’s how my father was. But if your child is being “hit” for hitting, how will she understand that it’s wrong?
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This sounds just like my son. At 18 months old we had him screened for a sensory processing disorder. He would have massive tantrums. My son has SPD. ADHD and ODD. We realized that talking in a slow calm voice even when in trouble helped more than raising our voices. Choices also helped. Such as do you want time out or do I take a toy away. Also talking about consequences. We also avoid processed food and food with loads of sugar when possible. I would definitely see another doctor request an evaluation. Good luck momma!
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My son has autism and acts just like this and worse
I raised a child that was diagnosed with add, adhd, bipolar, odd, defiance disorder and at 18 schizophrenia. At 4 all you can do is re direct and put in corner. Spanking never worked with him. Putting him in the corner was a trial. If he wanted to do something he did it. If he didn’t want to he didn’t. It was trial and error. My advise is seek out a state funded mental health place in your area. If your from tx mhmr is a good place to start. You may have to travel an hr or more for this. But in the end you want to keep your baby out of jail and to be a productive citizen of society. I also advise that you take some children’s physiology classes or maybe read some books. I would also take some parenting classes to help learn new ideas on different methods.
Raising that kid was one of the hardest things I had to do and there were years I didn’t even get to sleep because we were scared he would kill us all in our sleep. There were even locks on everyone’s doors on the inside so they could lock themselves in from him. My daughter was telling a few days ago how all of them were so scared to sleep at night with out their doors locked it broke my heart that they all had to go through that.
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Start with one behavior at a time. Since hitting is the most serious one. Consistency. It sounds like she has a lot of energy exercising in the morning might calm her down.
You need to have her medically evaluated
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I relate so much…. Following 
it’s fully mentally draining seeing our babies do this and not being able to do enough to stop what their doing. My daughter ran out in traffic and I grabbed her in enough time and she has no sense in danger and throws the biggest fits and has beaten me up more times then I can count , and laughs when I put her on time out and everything I say goes in one ear out the other, I try and spank her bum(not hard for all you Karen’s out there) but to teach her no because , we’ll like I stated she doesn’t listen when I try and talk to her and there is no reasoning with a toddler , and she laughs and says it doesn’t hurt. I prob cry 5000 times a day in the shower or any chance I can hide to make sure she doesn’t see my pain of what she’s doing to me. I feel ya mama.
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You whooped her? And you wonder why she has issues
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For 1, stop hitting her for hitting. Second, get her a therapist. Take some gentle parenting classes. Stop hitting your kid. It makes it worse and makes them angrier.
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Whooped her? You should look into positive discipline. If you’re hitting her for hitting you??? I just don’t agree with that. You need to stay consistent with a discipline that will help teach her. All you’re doing by “whooping her” is teaching her to hit in my opinion.
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I love how you say she’s never been exposed to violence yet admit to “whooping” her. That’s where she’s getting the violence from. Stop hitting her. There’s never a reason to hit a child. Also the symptoms you’re talking about sounds very much like autism. My daughter used to and sometimes still will bang her head is she’s overwhelmed or overstimulated. Changing her diet won’t change anything. So please don’t listen to the people telling you to cut out certain foods. But seriously stop fucking hitting your child
Definitely get her tested for ODD and ADHD…
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Go talk to another doctor. Sounds like there may be a missed diagnosis. There needs to be a full evaluation done.
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You need to speak to her pediatrician about this and a counselor about this.
It sounds like more than just an attention thing.
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Off the top you don’t hit someone for exhibiting this behavior since they were small toddlers because there are obviously underlying issues. Could be ASD, ODD, Anxiety etc. I would involve Early Steps, early developmental pre k, counseling, OT etc.
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Obviously that girl has a problem that has to be evaluated by a specialist, I’m more worried about you yourself that you think you can solve it with blows, how sad.
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Sounds like you need super nanny
Even if she is ADHD, ODD, whatever… that’s just a label. It doesn’t automatically make things better because you know. It’s trial and error. She’s just looking for attention, any attention good or bad is still attention. Why not try to hug her when she hits you guys? And explain “hey that hurts, you’re making me sad, can you please stop smacking me? If you need my attention, just ask”. Who knows if it will work, or even help… but definitely try. Consistency is the key
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As a Dr of Psychiatry told my Daughter
Pick & choose your battles
Never whoop a Child who shows this type of behavior there are other lying issues
You need to take your child to one of these Doctors to get the right diagnosis 
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To Be Honest Hitting Her Is Hypocritical if you DO NOT want her to hit. I would speak to my Pediatrician and seek Advice. Stay Strong, Mama
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You whooping her is giving her mixed signals when you try to discipline her then when you try talking of course it doesn’t work. Your getting your point across by yelling qnd hitting. Your teaching her how to react when certain things don’t go her way. Ask her what she needs from you when you get mqd and angry at her. She’s 4. She’s only going off by what she sees and experiences so she feels like she has to act out to get a reaction from you
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you said she’s not exposed to hitting yet said you wooped her🤔
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Unless she has a mental or emotional or physical issue, she knows she is behaving badly.
At 4 years old, she knows it is wrong. She needs helps learning to control her behavior.
A discussion with her pediatrician is warranted asap.
Spanking is a punishment for wrongdoing. Nothing wrong with using it as part of your discipline. But your child needs to be evaluated.
I hope you find the answer and the solution.
I wish you both well.
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Stay consistent and stern with your discipline. Trying all these different methods and not sticking to them cause confusion.
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this is behavior issues…i would suggest changing your behavior to change hers…I put my daughter into karate to get her frustrations oout and it wears them down,structure
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Stop hitting for hitting. That only teaches violence and that hitting in the end is okay.
You need positive discipline not punishment. Consistency, modeling, and teaching.
Behavior is a form of communication, so there is something being missed.
Finding the reason behind the behavior then implementing strategies to help decrease the before, more effective communication for her.
I would seek help from a pediatric developmental behaviorist or pediatric psychiatrist and do some assessments and evaluations.
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Maybe time out would help or taking away some thing she really likes
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She might have autism, ADHD or bipolar disorder. Talk to your Pediatrician.
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My heart is breaking for your child. She needs connection and guidance and you are hurting her instead. No wonder she is acting out. She doesn’t feel safe. Decades of research have proven that punishments like these are traumatic for the child and make behavior worse as well as increasing the chance of future mental health and substance abuse issues. Please seek help. And make sure you tell all the mandated reporters how you “discipline” her. They will see the problem.
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You say that she hasn’t been exposed to hitting but yet you spanked her? How long have you been doing this? She doesn’t understand when you tell her not to hit but then turn around and hit her so maybe you can understand where she’s becoming confused. You should really look into discipline that doesn’t involve spanking or violence in any way. Gentle parenting is not permissive parenting. My kids have consequences for all of their actions but your daughter is trying to communicate something to you that you are not picking up on.
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Here’s a mirror lady take a look. No Violence in the home… Absolute load of bollocks!
She’s 4. Explain things to her, read up on gentle parenting. Hitting a child who is hitting you is counter productive and only going to make things worse. Give her more structure and one-on-one time. Her behavior is a cry for help, something is lacking in her life. Work on figuring that out instead of just treating her “bad” behavior
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Punishment does not work. Taking toys away, spanking, whooping will not work.
Positively reinforcement desirable behaviour. Praise her for the things she is doing well.
Sounds like there is an underlying issue. Speak to your doctor , do an assessment for things like ADHD. Look into behavioural therapy.
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Idk about all these mom’s but, my parents whooped my butt and that’s how I learned to actually behave. More kids now should have their asses really whooped. I think that’s the problem with society, more kids needs more discipline. Control what your daughter is doing, stop her dead in her tracks and correct it. You control that home, she doesn’t. Idk, I did whoop my kids, and now they’re 15 and 13 and some of the most respectful kids you’ll meet. They don’t want momma to whoop that ass anymore. They know that if they back talk…I will pop that mouth too. My parents raised me old school and I chose that path with my kids and my kids aren’t the ones on the buses punching drivers or the kids screaming fuck you too teachers either… so apparently I did something right.
I’ve seen alot of comments about don’t spank your child,THATS YOUR CHILD,do what you have to do.I have 2 brothers,the youngest was just like that,he’s 45 now and has served half his life in prison,he’s out now and doing well.I think you need to get some professional help before it gets too bad.Im praying for you and the child
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Yes hitting her will obviously stop this…NOT!!Maybe you are part of the issue,hitting any child is disgusting but a 4yr old,not exposed to violence,are you serious,every time you ‘whoop’ her you are displaying violent behaviour,she will grow up to resenting you for that
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Have her tested for food allergies as well.
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Sounds like Asperger’s
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She most definitely has been exposed to hitting and violence, you literally just admitted to “whooping” her. Maybe work on avoiding physical discipline.
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Get her in to see a Psychologist. They will help. I’m sorry your going through this. This needs to be addressed ASAP.
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Sounds like you’re letting her run the show. Who’s the adult? And stop hitting her, no one does that anymore
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Sounding like some impulse control issue which goes with add adhd and possible some form of autism…I would talk to your doctor
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I don’t want to freak you out totally, but sometimes children act out physically when they don’t know how to put into words that they are being sexually abused. I hope this is not the case with your child, but predators are sneaky and it could be going on and you have no idea. Ask her therapist to rule this possibility out. I hope things get better soon.
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“She’s never been exposed to hitting” let that sink in for a second. Now, moving on, she sounds like she may have ADHD. Talk to her pediatrician .
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Girl the obvious problem is you. That child can not comprehend why you can hit her as dicipline, but she can’t do the same. Get some parenting classes and that child into play therepy. Some of you post these questions that are concerning af. When do you reach out to professionals before social media? Pediatrician? Therapist? Family counseling? Like there are hundreds of parenting books, videos, and resources for you to be out here ignorant and dense. And for the rest of the comments. Everything is not fcking autism or aspergers. 
It could simply be adhd or the fact that she uses spanking instead of redirecting.
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I see where everyone is throwing negativity out about her whooping the child. The poor mother has probably tried everything and probably hadn’t whooped until recently. This is probably why said child is completely out of control.
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My youngest used to do this all the time as well as biting me. It got to a point when I didn’t even want to be around her. Nothing I did helped at all, but she eventually grew out of it.
“she’s never been exposed to violence” you hit her. That’s violence.
She hits people and you want her to not do that so you hit her?? How does that even kind of make sense to you? How do you expect her to know not to hit people when that’s what you do to her? She’s 4 for crying out loud. You’re supposed to be her safe place, her calm, her comfort. Instead you are hitting her and showing her that when someone is mad they should hit whomever they’re mad at. Monkey see monkey do 
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Get her evaluated to be on the safe side and get to some parenting classes and counciling.
Have her evaluated for autism adhd. Or any mental disorder that describes her behavior.
There’s help out there. And nonmedicated ones.
So don’t go by what docs say if they say medicine would help.
There’s always a way
God bless you
Good luck
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Seek professional help…and if her doctor doesn’t listen and seam concerned then try a differant doc…but hitting her isn’t going to solve the issues. …my first thoughts are adhd or autism… I am no professional…again seek help for the best interest of your child and if you can somehow record the intervals without her knowing so you can show the doc. But never let your child know you are doing so
It the “terrible 2s”stage . Be patient she’ll grow out of it ! My 4 year old granddaughter is going through this . Keep her busy ! She loves being outside! and don’t show your frustration! What does she love to do?
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Could be any number of things. She should be tested for ADHD, ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) autism
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Herb Shannon sounds just like flo
Shes 4 , she doesn’t need punishment she needs redirection and to be taught manners.
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I would make an appointment with my pediatrician immediately. Tell the pediatrician you need your child screened for “disorders on the spectrum” head banging is form of stimming related to autism. There are several other disorders on the spectrum. You might be disciplining your child for something they cannot help. Once you have a diagnosis you can start early intervention services. Most spectrum screens are performed at a psychologists office. They will also give you recommendations for services. The screen is done by how they interact with toys.
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My opinion is to see a doctor/neurologist and stop hitting her. If she does have some kind of form of autism or special needs, hitting only makes it worse. Good luck.
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Could be sleep apnea. Its presents in kids like adhd. Start with a sleep study, then an adhd evaluation. You also need to take a hard look inside. Whooping a child who hits isnt gonna fix anything.
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Take her to be evaluated for ODD.
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I think she’s doing what she’s doing for attention. Kids will do things & act a certain way when they’re lacking attention from their loved ones. I would try to take the whooping out since she has a thing for hitting, that’s in a way showing her, you hit too. I think that would help. Hope everything gets better, stay strong, don’t be like some of the failed parents & give up on their kids. She is still so little, she has so much to learn & shes watching you guys!
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“She has never been exposed to hitting or violence” … Yet you say “I took her out of the room and whooped her”.
She HAS been exposed to hitting and violence- when you hit her. I would recommend not doing that anymore at all.
Sounds like she’s a normal four year old. Just have some patience, she will grow out of it. She needs redirection and firm boundaries. 
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Sounds like ODD. Please get a new dr and have child assessed asap! Good luck
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I put my kid in counseling and it really helped with his anger issues.
How can you say she’s never been exposed to hitting or violence when you’re hitting her?
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Sounds like ASD IMO my son has some of these traits.
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You need a parenting class, she’s being a normal kid.
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So one of my daughters were “strong willed”. We went to a therapist when she was young and he basically said get ready it will be difficult. The hard part is finding something that works and doesnt break her spirit. James Dobson has a book about discipline and strong will children. We did spankings, time outs, talkings, prayed a lot, we also did positive reinforcement, picking weeds, etc. She is 28 now and has a good job and a 3&1 year old. I agree with taking her to see someone and maybe yourself also. Best of luck and hang in there! Oh and be consistent!
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Tests for Lymes and PANDAS. Look into autism and SPD. I would also look into detoxing.
Step one. Stop hitting her. Perseverance is the best thing. Keep talking through her emotions. Make an apt with her pediatrician to be evaluated.
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Please also look into autism spectrum disorder. It can present totally different in girls than in boys.
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I mean she is exposed to violence when you are “whooping her” so maybe reevaluate your ways of disciplining her for starters.
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I would look into counseling and express your concerns with them. She might have ADHD. My son has it and he will act that way sometimes when he gets extremely frustrated, even pull his hair out sometimes.
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You hit a 4 year old to tell her not to hit?
It sounds silly to say it like that doesn’t it… or it least it “should” sound silly.
I think parenting therapy for YOU is most important, but therapy for your child as well.
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You need to teach your children the words to express their feelings. You also need to be consistent and repetitive. A 4 year old doesn’t need to be “whooped” unless they’re trying to stick a butter knife in the electrical socket… A parents job is to teach and guide not control.
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Stop spanking her, that is “exposure to hitting” and some kids, like mine, spanking just made him hit more.
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Yeah my 4 year old is like this. Doesn’t hit or anything but her temper is wild, no sense of danger, headbutt walls, used to bite me but takes it out on the furniture. She’s being assessed for autism and adhd. Maybe have a word with a doctor and get her referred? No harm in trying.
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