Never exposed to hitting but yet you say you whoop her hmm yeah ok… look you can’t whoop/spank a kid for hitting bc you’re using the very thing you don’t want her to do as her punishment. Come on any child psychologist will tell you that you are reiterating to her that it’s ok to hit ppl when they make you upset by using it as punishment. I think you need super nanny bc you clearly don’t get what you’re doing is not helping her at all. She is 4 she doesn’t have the same verbal comprehension we do. Their brains are still developing. You need to teach her how to verbal express herself not keep beating her. Oh an your doctor is an idiot so get a new one. Her behavior could be linked to hyper activity. Or her behavior could be due to a major change like if you had another child after her or you moved or someone she has never seen or met before is now around all the time an she doesn’t feel comfortable. Another person here mention sexual, physical, verbal, emotional abuse as a possibility. That is very likely but given that you’ve said at 18 months she started to bang her head on things and it’s progressing I’m going go with hyper activity. Not going to say adhd or anything like that but that she isn’t possibly getting enough enrichment from you. You need to do more with just her. Have her checked out by a child therapist just to cover your ground. Stop whooping her! An start listening to what she tells you when she misbehaves bc she maybe trying to tell you something or just trying to get your attention bc she doesn’t know how to do so in away that is acceptable to you. An maybe watch some super nanny to get some real training on how to handle a child. Seriously though stop hitting her especially when she has hit someone else bc you are literally telling her that it’s ok to do so when someone upsets you or doesn’t do something you want them to do. As for going outside set rules an boundaries and if she breaks them after two warnings about it where you remind her of the rules an boundaries you take her back inside no matter what an she has a time out that she must stay in for 4 minutes an once she does that you explain to her why she was place there and that it hurts your feelings when she doesn’t follow the rules an boundaries bc it’s not safe when she doesn’t an then she hugs you an apologizes but you must follow through you must always do the same thing consistently and utilize the same spot everytime for it to actually start working. That means do it everytime no matter how many times she still breaks the rules an boundaries you’ve set in place.
She’s never been exposed to hitting or violence, yet you whoop her…makes perfect sense:roll_eyes:
Ummmmm…she needs a new DR that specializes in ODD!!
Also redirect and teach her to use her words to express herself.
Sounds like Autism or Aspergers
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You expose her to violence when you “whoop her” 
so I would stop that for starters. Second I would look into a behaviorist and see how they could help you.
I’m a mental health therapist……she needs a child therapist pronto.
You wrote: “She has never been exposed to hitting or violence so I’m not sure why the hitting is a issue.”
You also wrote: “We have took toys, whooped her, done timeouts, tried to sit her down and talk through her emotions with her. Nothing helps, she goes right back to what she was doing as soon as she is disciplined. For example yesterday we had guest over and she ran over and hit them, I took her out of the room and whooped her.”
So which is it? Have you never exposed her to hitting, or is hitting her your preferred method of punishment?
Your description of her behavior when she is frustrated sounds like she needs to be evaluated by a professional for a behavior disorder: “From the age of 18 months she would bang her head against doors, headboard, etc. being frustrated, then started pulling her own hair. Her doctor said it was just how she dealt with her frustration, so I think maybe the hitting could also be the same?” Frankly, your doctor sounds like they haven’t dealt with girls who have behavioral problems much and the fact that they dismissed behavior that could cause her harm as just how she deals with frustration is a huge red flag. She needs help. You need help. Get her evaluated by someone who knows what they are doing.
Do you actually stick to timeouts. I suggest this to everyone…Check out Super Nanny Jo Frost time out steps. She is amazing, if you do her steps exactly the way she explains. You’ll see results right away. You can hse her time out steps anywhere you go. Seriously check her out.
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Not surprised she hits, you regularly resort to violence with her.
Definitely talk to her Dr. Maybe Autism (spectrum)
This is a big sign of it. Sound like she is unable to express herself.
I seriously don’t understand why people think that hitting their young children will help them learn how to process and regulate their emotions, smdh. “why is she hitting people?” hits her
Get a new doctor and get her evaluated, then go from there. Stay away from ABA, but do look into therapy.
maybe you all should seek councelling to understand how to deal with this behavior
Never exposed to hitting or violence, but you hit her to discipline her? That doesn’t make any sense 
Talk to a children’s psychologist. Sounds like she might have Oppositional Defiant Disorder along with ADHD.
Stop hitting your kid!!! It doesn’t work and it’s proven harmful to them long term!!! And you did expose her to violence by hitting her when she acts up. Also get her in with a great psychologist to work on behavioral therapy. Get some help and books on parenting without hitting them.
Get her into therapy. They have age appropriate therapy that may help
Y’all who are bitching about her getting her butt whooped, did you happen to also read that all that “gentle” parenting options didn’t work either or do you just like to stick to one thing to complain about? My 2 year old has NEVER been whooped or smacked or anything and she will hit and bite you an throw shit. But my 5 year old never hits, or bites, or does anything violent and he HAS gotten his butt smacked…Hmm… the one who hasn’t been whooped is the violent one…
Sounds like a “shot” injury. If applicable, she’s needs heavy metal detox. Try TRS or PBX.
Couldn’t even finish reading. You’re trying to tech your child to keep her hands to herself by spanking her?? Yeah makes tons of sense.
Please Have her tested for autism spectrum. Same behaviors as my autism spectrum grandaughter. Medications can help
Some of y’all ain’t never had a whoopin, and it shows!
“She has never been exposed to hitting,” yet you hit her regularly. How is a child supposed to know how to handle their emotions when every time you’re frustrated with her, you show her the way to handle that is by hitting her?
Aside for that, this does sound like more and I’d get her evaluated.
“Whoop her” but she’s never been exposed to violence…. 
monkey see monkey do….
She needs a psychiatric eval ~something is going on with her
4 years old & she’s out of control??? Seriously???
Definitely evaluate for autism spectrum. Head banging, hair pulling, and violence at such a young she can be early indications of autism
Spanking is NOT violence or abuse! It’s discipline! That’s WHY we have sooo many damn entitled brats in the world now! No one wants to discipline their kid! THIS child has something else going on and I would definitely be seeking medical help. BUT children DO need discipline!
Maybe you need to call your doctor and get a recommendation for a specialist who can evaluate her for medical and/or psychiatric issues. Better get it under control now.
Some of these answers are cracking me up!!!
Definitely showing signs of autism behaviors
stop whooping her. you are modeling violence. she obviously has a problem that needs professional help
Oppositional Defiance Disorder
I know there are alot of comments but I experienced this with my daughter. We tried time outs and canceling trips. It got to the point where she was hurting me. We sought help with a psychiatrist and therapist. The best advice they gave me was to ignore my daughter when she was acting out. As long as she was safe during the behavior walk away and let it happen. I really thought it was crazy but when she started realizing that nothing came from the behavior she started using words, a emotion chart if she couldn’t express how she felt or the show me method. She has been diagnosed with a couple disorders but with behavior therapy and art therapy we have avoided medications by choice.
Sounds like a typical 4yr old. Therapy could help
“I took her in her room and whooped her”
“She’s never been exposed to violence”
The call is coming from inside the house. STOP HITTING YOUR LITERAL CHILD.
Maybe you should stop whooping her everytime she hits someone?? You say she was never exposed to hitting so you don’t know why it’s an issue but yet you use physical violence to try to correct her using violence. 
autism dyslexiaor other conditions could be a factor. get her checked out
Try getting her into therapy
I’d get a second opinion. From a doctor. Also, consider not reacting to her behavior. Praise her when she is behaving
Have her evaluated for ASD and ODD. Talk to her doctor.
Also, don’t listen to everyone on Facebook. They’ll just make you feel like a bad mom
I’m going to go out on a limb here but I’m getting you backtalk, hit, scream and dont listen to her either though right? Mo key see monkey do…
ALL of you saying you don’t spank your children will be visiting those children as adults in jail because you NEVER disciplined them so they won’t follow laws either. My ex husband is a product of no discipline. He has a criminal history longer than my arm and STILL continues to break the law. Raise your child to obey rules or there are consequences. As a child that is a spanking.
You dont teach hitting is not okay by… hitting 
You’re getting angry and hitting her so that’s what she’s learning to do too. She’s not able to regulate cos you’re not showing her how to.
My suggestion is therapy maybe try talking to her Dr … my nephew did this and he has autism so I hope that helps .
A spanking never hurt a child to have. I busted my boys behinds when they got out of hand. When talking to them will not get through to them. There has to be some kind of discipline. The main thing is consistency with stern loving understanding. I was always told if you don’t love your child you will allow them to be unruling,disrespectful an out of control. I guess if your trying to be their friend an not their parents that how it works. As for me I was their parent first then their friend. They knew what their consequences where for any action they took. That’s the main thing is them knowing their actions has consequences.
Go see a phycologist
STOP HITTING YOUR CHILD. jfc you wonder why she hits it’s bc you use it as a punishment.
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When children act like this is it because they do not like themselves and feel emotioally disconnected from others. Physical punishment sends the message that violence solves problems. It is words and loving actions that solve this sort of behavior. When children act most unlovable - it is because they need love.
It f so oh rd like you need guidance from some place other than social media. … get a referral from you pediatrician for a family therapist who will teach you parenting skills. Try the great parenting experiment. It’s where you put down your phone and don’t pick up while your child is awake, play with your child , turn off the tv and get her outside to a park and play with her. Eat meals together with her. Look at your own behavior, what are you modeling? You just took hot in the other room and hit her, for hitting and are surprised she hit again?
Martha Sears
The Discipline Book: How to Have a Better-Behaved Child From Birth to Age Ten
Taking your child away and giving them a “whooping” and then being shocked when they come out and start hitting 3 minutes later?? Interesting
I don’t care how you do it, but… you need to be the Alfa. If you don’t this will continue.
Get her to the Doctors. She is over stimulated.,among other things … No more spankings… When did she start this behavior?
It sounds like she might have ADHD
I would take her back to the doctor, could a number of things. I have a couple kids in the family with these behaviours (autism)? They are on the spectrum
Never been exposed to hitting? You literally hit her yourself when you whoop her.
Don’t hit your child. Her brain is not even fully developed and if she knows you’ll whoop her no wonder. You’re supposed to be her safe space. You don’t talk her through her emotions, you provide a safe space for her to let them out. Not add more negative ones to them. Also definitely all of you should go to counseling. And again, DO NOT HIT YOUR CHILD. You’re teaching her that is how to express her emotions.
Hugs n kisses hold her hand. Maybe she is acting out cuz she wants that. Don’t focus on the bad that’ll how she thinks she can get attention. Just my opinion hope it works out
I don’t think this is a disciplinary behavior. I think it’s a condition that needs immediate medical/therapy action. I’ve read about children with this syndrome. You need more than her pediatrician’s advice as he doesn’t seem to realize how serious this is. Are you near a large teaching hospital like Boston Children’s? I would start with a children ‘s hospital to find a doc for her. God bless you all. You’re traveling a rough road.
I’m interested in a few things . First off is she a very verbal child besides the outburst? Does she show any physical signs that stand out such as withdrawal from other children or playing alone more than with other children. How does she respond to sights and sounds?
It sounds like possible autism but then again, does she have any other siblings or cousins around that might be demonstrating this behavior when you are not with her? Does she go to a daycare? Many undesirable traits can be picked up from daycare children. Is there a certain food that she eats a large amount of with dyes in them? There are so many factors involved. At 4, she is still learning right and wrong and trying to push it a bit to see ways around rules. That is typical. As far as spanking, at this age, IT is far more important to get eye level with her. Ask her why she does these things when she does and explain why she can’t do those things. Now I’m 50 and I know many of you Do not believe in spankings…but to each their own. After 5 years old most of our generation got spanked for doing things repeatedly we were told not to do, or not doing things we were told to do. There is hitting out of anger which is wrong…then there is a parent parenting which is good and needed. When we were old enough to know right from wrong…we also understood there would be consequences for our actions. Thank God we learned about those consequences from our parents! Too many people now or only learning about those consequences after being in the prison systems multiple times. We didn’t get a time out…lol. No…we got told one time and if we chose to defy our parents who brought us on this Earth, provided for us, nurtured us and loved us dearly…we knew the consequences! Your mom would generally carry a switch…lol. That couple of times you acted up in front of your friends with a sassy mouth or told your Mama you didn’t have to clean your room cause it’s my room…lol. Thank you Jesus! Lol. Your parents would show you that switch and you remembered you were the child and not the parents quickly!! Lol
They didn’t beat us or bully us…they did real parenting! It didn’t matter if we cried or went to school with red eyes from crying over our butt being tore up…lol. No! Because we knew they loved us and we knew we were doing wrong but was dumb enough to think we would get away with it!! 
A whooping was not an act of violence…lol. it was what you got when you got too big for your britches and I am so thankful my parents were from that generation of parents who weren’t governored or concerned about how social media says you should raise your children. Because at the end…you are responsible for how your children come out as adults and one day our younger parents will realize that again!
Track what she eats, it could be a sensitivity to dyes. I banged my head a lot as a kid if i ate red dyes, i eventually grew out of it. I’ve known several kids who act out because of food dyes and it’s a simple fix. Also consider an evaluation for adhd, often they are aware what they are doing is wrong and even feel remorseful but in the moment struggle to stop those behaviors.
Get her away from the TV and computer… LIMIT screen time… get her outside in the fresh air. Works wonders for most behavior. She will look forward to going outside with you. Play catch kick a ball around. If you have a driveway get some chalk and let her draw pictures. It washes off with water . Allow her to play in the dirt. It washes off.
I’m at a loss for words with how rude and judgmental all these comments are! She asked for advice sure, but y’all are just shy of calling her a bad mom with the way y’all are bullying her parenting choices. If you don’t do spankings fine, don’t bash a mom who does, she didn’t ask to be made to feel bad, she asked for other options. Y’all could of went about it a different way.
She learned the hitting from you hitting her…like duh…how do you not see that?? Put the child in time out each and every time…and after 3/5 minutes, ask her to tell you why she was in timeout…if she doesnt know or doesnt get why the behavior is bad…she goes back to timeout until she can vocalize what she shouldn’t have done.
Signs of asperburgers
Sounds like Disruptive Behavioral Disorder, maybe ADHD. But, really, this sounds a lot like my son when he was younger and he was diagnosed with Autism.
… She’s never been exposed to hitting or violence… They whoop her though…
Just my experience… my ex husband would spank my son and then my son would go to school and hit other kids… i told my ex to stop spanking him cause it wasn’t helping… i got my son into therapy so he could express his emotions better and the therapist helped us figure out a way to discipline him without spanking him… we figured out to take away what he likes to do… it’s trial and error with kids nowadays… he stopped hitting others as much … no my son is not perfect… I’m not saying that… but i just noticed he stopped hitting people so much… but that’s just my experience…
I’ve seen kids who were vaxx damaged start this behavior. Just an observation. It usually starts with head banging and tantrums. Have her diet and blood work checked out. She could be toxic or have food allergies. Just an observation. 
Red dye in juices and food can cause this! Over eating sugary foods and snacks can also cause this. It could just be a dietary thing. Try changing her foods qnd see what happens.
Look up oppositional defiance disorder.
You gotta be stern. Your tone has a lot to do with it. With my kids. Where they acted up is where they got corrected. You wanna act up in the middle of Walmart? Imma correct you in the middle of Walmart. You wanna act up in a room full of people? Guess what? You get corrected in a room full of people.
You need to take her to a psychiatrist. There is something she is lashing out about. Seriously please take her to psychiatrist.
“She has never been exposed to hitting or violence” um are you kidding?? I whooped her is in your post a few times … stop hitting your freaking kid and maybe she’ll stop hitting others… Jesus just do the same thing here, contact her doctor, have her evaluated to see if so ething bigger is happening because maybe your kid is on the spectrum and all you’ve done is punish her.
Firstly, stop whooping her.
You are teaching her that if someone acts in a way she sees as unacceptable it’s ok to smack them.
Secondly, check her diet. Sugars especially.
Thirdly is she being stimulated enough. I have a 5yo and if she’s not outside once a day she’s climbing the walls! 
Good luck.
Spanking Is Abuse If you hit an adult you would go to jail for assault. Hitting a child is very harmful. You are hitting your child Because they hit someone else in order to teach her not to hit? It would be very helpful for you to learn about what is and isn’t normal behavior developmentally. For example, Aggression is a normal developmental behavior for that age. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t need to be addressed but it does mean that you need to address it appropriately. Knowing that a child that age does not have the impulse control that an older child or adult has should help you alter your responses. Put your child first and foremost, especially above appearances. For example, work on your own embarrassment or whatever feelings might arise for you when your child does something in public. Most people are going to understand on some level that a 4 year old doesn’t have that much impulse control and if they don’t understand then they are not someone to pay attention to when it comes to parenting advice. That is also an important part of parenting. Your child is very young. She needs very short simple assistance. “We do not hit other people, hitting hurts. Ouch” and then divert her "give her a toy or engage her in some other activity. If she is still struggling, gently remove her from the space and engage her with something else. You can also engage in empathy “I see you are upset or angry. Would you like a hug?” Kids are still learning so much and that can be hard and frustrating.
I would find doctor who can do lots of test and find what is going on. She has a medical instance if you do all you say and not helping. No new toys and ect. If you spank her and tryed everything you said. Find a good. Doctor
Physical punishment is never the answer, just reinforcing the unwanted behavior! Not exposed to hitting but yet you’re “whopping” her? That’s not okay. Have her tested by a behavioral physician, expert in that field of psychology and medical staff
Try more loving it might work
Hitting a child as punishment is child abuse. You should be reported
Contact your local early head start about any social and emotional programs they might be able to give you contact information on. There are tons of great people and programs in early head start or that can work with you. Most health insurance will cover the programs and if not there are government grants that the program can use to pay for attending the program.
ADHD my son had. He acted out and when you asked why? He didn’t know why. ADHD kids really don’t know why but they do know what they did. I sought medical attention and teacher observation, it took till 6th grade to get a diagnosis. He couldn’t focus. He hated reading accelerated reader books, because they held no interest for him. He didn’t care if the duck could swim. His interest was world history. You have to advocate for your child, otherwise these are the kids than can easily fall through the cracks and get the term of a difficult. He is an auditory learner. He learns from sound hearing rather than visual and tactile. We had to calm his racing thoughts and actions. My son really started acting out when I started working when he was in 2nd grade. He resented that a lot. Adderall was the answer for him during school. He is 31 and doing well. My daughter was the visual tactile learner. She did not act out. If not actively involved in a learning situation she would daydream and miss it all. Most important thing is to identify which type or style of learner you are dealing with. I wish you the best of luck and a more positive time with enjoying your child. I engaged my children in swimming early, and at the ages of 3 and 2 they were completely pool safe. No i never left them unsupervised. I just made sure they had the correct skill set if around water. I used Discovery Zone , the zoo, parks, swimming , bowling, tennis. Things to challenge them and gave them the attention they needed and to let them tire themselves out They loved Bible School during the summer. We went to see movies that they chose from a list of appropriate movies.
You are missing something very important. You are subjecting her to violence EVERY TIME YOU “WHOOP HER”. You could seriously benefit from parenting classes.
Come w the age and the parenting
Try a child focuse therapy thing. Try to have her evaluated. Get set routine in the house. Get set rules in the house. Make sure your household isn’t crazy. I wouldn’t be hitting a kid like that. It Normally has a reverse effect. Some some online positive parenting class’s and books. Some tips in there are PRICELESS! Set routines make a HUGE difference aline honesty. Have a schedule hanging on wall: Bath at 8:00 Bed at 9. Always read before bedtime no matter what else is going on you stay to the routine. I have seen mom and dad do on line positive parenting classes and read books together at night after kids go to sleep and seen it turn whole households around. Mom and dad have became closer fight less re-fall in love.
There is never a reason to hit a child…hitting child is an outlet for parent frustration, not discipline. So that said… Parent need to be consistent every single time and stick to it. Children are great manipulators. They will try your patience. If you time out them for a certain thing, the each and every time they do it, they get a time out. EVERY TIME, not sometimes or when you are in the mood or not tired. EVERYTIME.
Does she have red dyes?
This child needs to be tested. Something is going on that she can not understand or explain. She is crying for help.
So let me get this straight… You tell her hitting is bad and she isn’t aloud to hit…BUT, you hit her. SMFH. She’s 4 kids act out. She’s learning how to live in this big world. Have more patience.
It could be a sensory processing disorder or ADHD but she needs to get evaluated. It’s awful now but hang in there.
Whooping your child is NOT violence, it’s discipline. I have a 3 year old and I pop him when he does wrong. THIS IS ALWAYS AFTER I ASK HIM MORE THAN ONCE TO STOP. Afterwards, I sit down with him and ask him if he knows why and he says yes mama and tells me why I explain that I am teaching him right from wrong and he acknowledges that. I tell him I love him and we go about our day. There is nothing wrong with timeout or popping your child.
Spare the rod, spoil the child.
You need to have her psychologically tested.
u said u whooped her ? lol wouldnt that be violence… 
Don’t let anyone make you feel bad on this thread!!! You’re doing your best
A lot of people are going to disagree with this. But there is nothing wrong with spanking kids 
there is a difference between a quick pop in the back of the legs or on the bottom to get attention. However, you do have to find the punishment that works for your child. I have a 6 year old. I’ve maybe spanked her 3 times. It was obvious that wasn’t a good disciplinary action for her. Taking things away and loosing privileges is what works best with her. It took a lot of trial and error but you have to stick with it. Don’t just try a whole bunch of different things. Use one form or another for an extended period of time. It may be worth seeing a behavioral therapist as well. She could have something going on that that you just don’t understand yet. ie., ADHD, autism (although probably not diagnosable so young)…
Take her for professional help