When I was 6 my mom brought my uncle to live with us he was 16 at the time , both my parents treated him like a son, after a few months he started hanging out with bad people, doing drugs, and even got involved in robbery’s. He started treating me different I no longer felt safe around him he would touch me and talk to me very inappropriate I felt to dirty, he would tell me that I couldn’t tell my mom because she wouldn’t believe me and I would get in trouble. I am now 22 , I found a way to live with it even though I can’t forget . He is in prison now serving a life sentence ( not for what he did to me) I have never told anyone about this . even though he is locked up I still don’t feel at peace . Everyone in my family loves him and I don’t know how I could ever tell them especially my mom she loves her brother so much it would destroy her. He has recently been asking my family to write to him and send him pictures. My mom told me to write him a letter and send him a picture of my daughter and husband so he could see them .The day she told me that I became nauseous. Since then I can’t stop getting flashbacks . It’s like I’m going through it all over again. I’m so afraid of hurting my family because we are all really close . What do I do ? Should I just keep it to myself since it’s been so long ?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I talk to my family about my abuse?
I would write him a letter addressing all of the things he did to you and all of your feelings about it. Lay it all out to him and tell him exactly how you feel… I think that would be the start on your journey for closure
Time to tell everyone they will mad but atleast you will be at peace and send him a letter as well.
You might feel better to get it out in open
This was not your fault sweetheart so dont feel bad it might upset your family, seems like your uncle is a bad man and may get his karma in prison, you do what ever is good for you! He will get his just desserts…I wish you all the best
Tell her whether she wants to.hear it or not. Tell her you don’t want your daughter to have anything to do with him.
Definitely talk to her , it will help you more then you realize . You did nothing wrong & shouldn’t be worried about upsetting anyone. Lots of love sent your way
Write a letter to your mom it might be easier this way and don’t let your family try to force you to write him. If you don’t want then don’t. You are a grown woman now so you don’t have to write him, just tell everyone that you don’t want to write him
You should never be scared or worried to tell the truth, it is HIM that has hurt your family not you, they just don’t no it yet and maybe when your ready they should! Xxx
Dont send pics
Tell your mum why
This person will be released and will strike again…to save another child…tell xx
Just tell your mom you want to spend an evening just you two alone. And even go out of town for the night if that is what it takes and then in the moment you’re sitting down to talk, tell her.
Find a counselor that you trust to help you deal with this. Then the two of you can make a plan to tell your mother. If it were my brother, I would want to know. Her alliance should be with her children, not her siblings.
Tell your mother what he did to you… I hope he never gets out … Tell your husband and ensure your daughters safety.
I would tell ur mom first then write a letter stating your feelings and tell him that u won’t ever write him again and hes not a part of ur family that u brought up and never alone him around ur daughter
Get a therapist to help YOU first! Do not speak to anyone else until you’ve worked through your own trauma first. It will be hard, but you can do this! It took me a long time to finally speak with my mother… didn’t solve anything. But I was glad I did!
Go get some therapy first for yourself. You did nothing wrong and you are not at fault. Your family needs to know and it will be OK. But you will need the tools in place to help you get thru the trauma of all of it. It’s never too late to tell your truth. Sending you hugs!
Yes get it out in the open , you should let it out so you can move on , u dont wanna hold that in the rest of your life 100
Let it out. Don’t write him nor send pics. Crazy
Listen u never get over something like that what u need to do is see a counselor and tell what happened how to.deal with it and approaching your family about it. This is never easy but you’ll pull thru.just please get some help.it will help.for sure good luck
It’s not your fault at all. I would definitely tell your mother.
Come right out and speak up ! Girl take that power back , give him none . He don’t deserve ur mercy and so don’t feel u need to forgive ! But know he can’t hurt u or ur children anymore
speak to a counsellor , it won’t make what happened to you go away
but it will help you to move on its not your fault ,
Best of luck , Wemon Aid helpline or Refuge they are all in confidence
they won’t force you to do or say anything you don’t want to
please get help best of luck
PM me if you need someone to talk to… I’m incredibly close with someone that this has happened to, counselling is incredible! Don’t keep it to yourself, it will destroy you inside, keep your chin up, it’s a long road but there is light at the end of the tunnel! As I said, PM me if you like x
Seek therapy and get some help
I am so sorry lovely!Yes tell your family,that’s your truth!look out for yourself and your mental health you will be surprised by how much support you will get you never know who else in the family you will be helping by coming out. Speak your truth and the truth will set you free or atleast will make the load feel lighter. Big hugs to you x
Be honest with mom and tell her what happened. It’s not your fault he did that to you. Protect your child, and you don’t owe him anything. Prayers for you to have inner peace
I would not protect him by keeping quiet! I’m sorry you went through such a horrible thing. If you are comfortable with speaking to your mom about it, then I suggest that is what you do. Or instead of just coming out and talking about it, do as your mom suggested and write a letter to him about it and address how it destroyed a part if you and allow her to read it before you send it. Just give it to her and say this is his letter and he will not being getting anything else from you and definitely not any pictures of your family. Good luck.
It’s easier to talk to a stranger that way they can be able to help you tell your mom if your mom truly loves you she will be on your side because you are her child a mother will tell you that her child comes first before her sisters or brothers or whatever else it’s different when you have a child and you will protect them against anyone
Maybe you need to confront him with what he did and how it affected you.
Gosh its a horrible thing that happens to far to many. Just do protect your daughter from him. How old is your daughter? Its hard to divide a family and this usually does. I had a friend she wanted it put in newspaper because the mom said it didnt happen but the sister did not want it to go public so you have a big decision but keep your baby girl safe
I would write a letter to him addressing everything and see if he respond and if so take the letter u wrote and this response then let your mom know we need to talk and there will be no doubt
how strong you have been to find your way after such a breach of trust. To find a way to even have a relationship after abuse is a feat within itself. For your own peace with the impact rising again within you perhaps you may need counselling to help put some tools into your toolbox to help you move forward. Whether you tell your family (which in my own experience can be quite painful to your heart) or not you will need some ways to cope within yourself for the “flashbacks”. We all cope differently as survivors of abuse but we need tools in our toolbox for those moments in life where it can feel overwhelming.
Forgive and move on. Don’t give him this power over you.
Be honest with your mom and tell her you don’t want photos of your daughter sent to him
You need to let that secret out…. And if they still try to shove him down your throat, you may need to distance yourself from those that doesn’t understand… It’s a night mare you will live the rest of your life… And no you don’t have to feel sorry for him in prison… He is there with a life sentence for a purpose and doesn’t deserve any rights in my book… He made his bed, but there will always be a pity party for those in the family that feel they are saving the world by helping him… We had an incident in the family too, except it was the Grandfather… At three years old lil girl was taken to doctor with a rash on her vagina… It turned out to be herpes and she was tore up inside from intercourse… She is nine now and will need reconstructive surgery as she grows… She is withdrawn from everyone and has emotional trauma that therapists say she will always have… Even family members are worthless people and no you should not tolerate rape or assault… Do what you need to keep your peace of mind… I’d let the whole family know and if they don’t like it, you know who to distance yourself from in the future… You deserve peace too!!!
I went through the exact same thing except it was my step fathers step father. I was made to feel it was my fault I was five when the abuse started but it was my fault? When I became pregnant at 20 the hormones took over and I told my oldest sister and she told me he had acted inappropriate to her too and she refused to go back to their house. It didn’t matter anymore I told my mom and details some didn’t believe me I didn’t really care it had to come out . He died a horrible death of liver cancer and I wasn’t sad about that . Tell them this is about you healing not about if they believe you
So, if you’re not ready, just yet, to tell your parents, tell your mom to make certain that any of the pictures she sends to him do not include you, or your family. Granted, that will raise questions, but, you will want to know he doesn’t have a picture to…fixate on.
I really recommend telling your mom, and getting some counseling. Best wishes. This situation is one that far too many find themselves forced to be a part of, unfortunately.
You have to tell her someday dont worry about what will it do to destroy your happy family… do it for yourself,for your inner freedom and happiness if not it will keep haunting you and your brother will come out and ofcourse do the same thing over again coz he knows that you wont tell… so now its all on you… just let it out n release yourself…Good luck prayers from my end.
Tell your mom. She needs to know what kind of person he really is. Your mom may surprise you and be on your side. If my daughter told me my brother did something to her you can bet I would believe her and then I would be having a not so nice little talk with that brother!!! He would either tell me the truth or he would be out of my life! He doesn’t need pictures of you or your daughter…it will just fuel his sickness.
It’s not your fault and it never gets easier in fact it gets harder if u dont get the help reading ur post gave me such a horrible feeling please speak to ur mum and go to the police and get him done everyone should no what hes like . I went through exactly the same thing with my uncle when I was 7 until for years then i just broke down one day and told my sister I’m 30 now and Its still a daily battle especially now i have kids off my own I dont trust anyone . Please speak with ur mum dont ever feel that no one will listen if they want to not believe u over him then get away from them u deserve so much support my inbox is always open if u ever need someone to talk to stay strong you’ve got this tou can do it
Hi luv, it makes me sick when you say they all love him, and now wants photos, no way, don’t let no photos of you or your wee family get sent into him, I think he needs to be brort back to the courts, and get charged for robbing your innocence when you were just a wee 6 Yr old girl:broken_heart: I also understand that part of you doesn’t want to bring this up as well, as you feel it will destroy your mum n so fourth, You are brave talking about this, he deserves to be where he is right now, and if he’s in there, he can’t hurt nobody else at the moment, my goes out to you, I’m sensing that part of you wants to get this out, but don’t quite no where to start luv, perhaps tslk to a counselor, and perhaps go from there, God Bless you darling
I am really sorry for you. But tell you mother … That piece of sh*t is not your family.
Confronting this person helps.
Talk to your family about this man
Get in touch with a therapist, then ask your family or someone you feel comfortable with to meet you at the appointment so you can tell them what happened.
I would tell her.
Tbh, it may be hard for her to hear… It’ll go one of 3 ways…
Shell deny it. In which case, you may have to distance yourself from your family. For your own benefit. But that’s really up to you. If you can bear their support for him without aching yourself, then at least you tried. But if you can’t handle it, it’s okay to distance yourself.
She might listen, but still try to support him as family. Which may feel like a loss but it’s a win. Because really what you need is to be heard and understood. She needs to know you don’t wanna speak to him anymore and you don’t want him knowing about your life. She needs to be at least supportive of that for you to maintain healthy relationships with her.
She will not be surprised and may share more insight and be in full support of you.
Why carry the hurt & trauma of what he did to you in order to spare your family’s feelings? They need to know what happened to you, what you’ve been carrying around with you all these years. Tell them & let them react however they wish, please release yourself of this heavy load.
Also reach out for some counseling so that you can begin to heal. You obviously have a husband that will stand by you & you have a daughter now so please set an example to her so that she’ll grow up knowing if something happened to her she can come to you without feeling the way you do now about going to your family.
I pray God gives you healing, peace & a wonderful life ahead.
Baby you need therapy. Im also a victim, and you need to speak about it, to a therapist. It will eat you away, it was not your fault, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it, or gross. I know I did feel that way, when it wasn’t my fault and we didn’t deserve that either. Honestly it’s difficult, because if you tell your mom and she doesn’t believe you it’s going to hurt even more. I’d like to think that your mother would believe you but who knows. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I would NOT send him a letter or any pictures. F him and he can rot and go straight to H 3 L L.
Tell your Mother. At least you will feel better. What she does is on her and you don’t have to send him anything. You have your own life and you can make your own decisions. You should come first as your mothers daughter. After you talk to her leave it with Jesus and go on with your life with your family.
Also you do not have to forgive him, wtf even is that? Forgive no? Move on, as best as you can. You will get a peace of mind without having to forgive them, but it will take time.
you won’t be hurting anyone your not at fault, he is, please tell your family your not in the wrong he is, he’s to blame he did it
My daughter was abused by her godfather from 5 to 9 he did 18 years in prison. Children don’t lie you need to sit them down and speak to them if they refuse to listen or believe you put a firm boundary stating you will not entertain the idea of writing him or sending pictures. Please also seek therapy. I too was abused and had a very hard time going thru the motions with my child. You may forgive but never forget. God bless
Tell her, don’t protect thir wrong perception of him! Xx
Therapy therapy therapy. Get counseling and they can advise you how to approach it
No, tell someone your job is to keep your Daughter safe. Tell your husband. Or get them to hether & tell them. Even if it takes them not seeing thier grand daughter a gain you will never write that Sicko.
I experienced the same thing in my early teens. I’ve never told my family and find no reason to since he died a few years later. If you need help moving on seek professional counseling or that of a close friend. Breaking your mother’s heart serves no purpose.
Write him a letter. Tell him all your true feelings including what you wish happens to him. Make a copy. Mail it to him and show your mom the copy… seek therapy to help yourself through this tragedy. Best wishes.
Be strong and talk about it don’t put worrying about your moms feelings above your own mental health, especially cause the guys s fuckin sicko pedo and they never change, do you want the man who molested you as a child to have pictures of your young children to jack off to? Grow lady nuts and take control and tell your mom. It may seem impossible or hard but it’ll free you from this burden. You got this!
If you need to be honest then go ahead and take that brave scary step forward in your life. I can tell you when I did it, my experience hasn’t been the best but I have not stood down from my truth. Neither should you.
Go with your heart you will fell better about it even if they dont except t it you had to do it for you. I would let him know how much he hurt you and see how he responds.You need closure for yourself instead of feeling like your locked in prison like he is. It’s about you and your family do this for yourself. If it tears the family apart then let it go. You have been holding on to this too long. You will always have your family no matter what if they choose to turn their back on you the. They will have to live with their choices. God Bless You!
I sure would tell them!
No don’t feel that you should comply you know what he did was inappropriate for you so do not subject your family to that !! He subjected you to being violated Dont subject your kids to that !! Say no. It’s ok just say no!! Stay away keep your kids safe from him you already know what he’s about !!!##
I feel you need professional help, that would help you get the courage and strength you will need to go head on, not only with him but your family. You will need alot of strength , and support from your husband, because, you will loose some family, but you must now live for you, you deserve to heal and move forward, dnt let this hold you prisoner any longer, because your scared to tell your family, cause you might loose them, and if you do, its ok, at least you can move forward and put this in the past.
However, on the positive side, once you tell your parents there might be others , that are just like you scared to tell, and this will allow them to come forward, I encourage you to pressing charges, if the statue of limitations are not too late, in your state.
Parents are funny.
I got pregnant at 18 and was terrified to tell my parents because of our Catholic upbringing. It was in the early 70’s and still taboo. Anyway I told them and they didn’t get mad. They were ok and we never hid the fact. They stood by through everything.
I think you need to do this for your own sake and hope that they can stand by you.
I dealt with something similar. Only it was my dad’s youngest brother. So I didn’t see him much since my parents ended up divorcing. I didn’t tell anyone for a long time. When I was ready my dads health wasn’t great so I didn’t tell him. I told my mom. She did believe me. She said she knew something was wrong but didn’t know what and knew it would come out one day. It just made her sick. So when I had my daughter I didn’t have her around her anymore than I had to and kept her close. As she got older she grew not to like him. I never told her what he did. She just never trusted or liked him. So we don’t visit him. I’m 46 and it happened when I was about 9. I don’t remember how long it lasted. I still don’t trust him. I’ve learned over the years to forgive him not for him but for me to have peace. Even though I don’t trust him. I still will talk to him as nicely as I can. He is mentally challenged but he also knows and understands right from wrong. It’s not the first time he’s been in a position for being inappropriate. He gets staff from a company for the mentally disabled and handicapped. He was caught being inappropriate with a staff member. So yeah my trust for him is on the very low side. I don’t talk to him about it because I know he would just deny it. But I did talk to my mom and that helped me. Knowing someone believed me. You need to do what is best for you. Whether writing him a letter about what he did to you, getting everything off of your chest, talking to your mom, talking to a therapist, or just writing it down for yourself to let it out then ripping it up. But I wouldn’t get your daughter involved with him. That’s just adding toxic waste to her life.
Talk to a therapist and see what they suggest you do. Sorry I couldn’t be of better help.
Define touch you. I’m glad he’s in prison. Tell your family. They need to not support him at all. He doesn’t deserve it.
Please no contact with him. He knows what he did and knows better than to even ask. Why You do not write him. No need to inform your family either. No negativity for you is needed
So sorry this happened to you…you need to get counselling for yourself first…the rest of it will follow trust me!
Write all of this to him. Make sure he knows you’re aware!!!
OP isn’t the one hurting the family, the uncle is. HE hurt the family and then made OP feel bad about it because he’s monster. Tell your mom what he did, that you NEVER want him to see or know about your child and that you refuse all contact with him. Let him rot in the prison of his own making.
No u speak up! It’s not your fault he’s a bad person and everyone should see him as so! I’ve been thru it and finally spoke out and it’s been so much better healing then locking it up and blaming yourself!
These things should never be kept a secret or swept under the rug. Tell your family for sure. Do what you would want your child to do should this ever happen to them or one of their friends. Nothing can change what happened to you but doing the right thing will definitely help you heal. Pedophiles count on intimidation to keep their victims quite so our children need to know the right thing to do which is tell someone right away!!!
Just be straightforward n tell truthfully your feelings n they can decide what they want!!
1.Write him and tell him he is where he is for what he did and for you too. Let him know your feelings even now. Write one to your mother too. You need to get it out.At least he cannot hurt you physically anymore. You need counseling .Don’t care how close they are let it come out.Have a copy of that letter for all of them .
Write him a letter and tell him that in spite of his disrespect you found a wonderful
Partner and have perfect kids and a life most people only dream about and this is the first and last communication I will be having with you and you need not reply unless it is to apologise even then I don’t care you are were you should be and so am I
It is better to speak up now then never. They might not be able to do anything and the limitations on it are expired but it will help to say something. It might not get you closure but it will elevate some of the worry. You have a huge wagon full of people who have been in your shoes. If they won’t have your back on it we all will ! Do what you need to but it’s never to late express your concerns and worries and your past. I don’t wish to speak for everyone but I am here and you are not alone! If you need someone to talk to message me. We don’t know each other but I will listen to whatever you need to tell me.
Your family needs to know what a monster he is and what he has done to you and put you through your whole life this is unacceptable and he needs to be treated accordingly by your family as he doesn’t deserve the respect he is getting off them nor should he be getting away with the trama you have been put through off him, please speak up you need to get this off your chest and shouldn’t have to go through feeling like this your whole life or go through it alone x
Imagine this is your daughter writing this post. What would you want her to do?
Seek counseling 100 percent. Once you have actually dealt with the trauma you can then decide how to handle talking/not talking to your mom.
Find a therapist or therapy group. It will help… Tell your husband and family. Keep him away from your children.
Tell your husband 100% xx
Talk to your husband first. Write the letter to the uncle and hand it to you mom to include in her envelope. Tell her to read it if she would like, but she is in no circumstance allowed to send a picture of your or your family and that will be the last letter you send.
I think first and foremost you take care of yourself and get some counseling. You are thinking about everyone else’s feelings, but you’re having flashbacks. Once you feel stronger and have that support, you can make the decision that feels best to you, for you.
If ur ready to tell them then tell them
I really doubt if you’re the only girl he abused. I’ve seen plenty of times when someone finally got the courage to come forward & speak out, it gave the other victims to speak up, & say they thought they were the only ones. The uncle sounds like he’s really disturbed, & your family sounds like they are living in deep denial
I would write him a letter a letter calling him out on what he did to me.with no pictures
I would write a letter forgiving him for causing you a lifetime of trauma and for forcing you to not tell…I would thank him for getting himself locked up so you and your youngfamily can live without fear…I would say I will not send photos but am writing out of respect for my mother whom asked me to write. Please do not tell her what I said here as she probably wont believe you. And sign your name. And mail it
Give your mom a copy and ask her to read it sitting down. Then let the healing begin.
Hunny, you need to open up. Possibly some counseling first to help through your trauma. Then, your family needs to know who he really is. Who knows if he has also done this to someone else.
I speak from experience.
It is never too late to be indicted for sexual abuse
Take care of yourself first. Your family picture to him. I’d say no!
I think you need to say something.
If he’s in prison why tell.and don’t even send him any pictures what so ever,that’s just not right.he’s not worth your time or anything involving him
I agree that you need counseling, maybe after you go a couple times they can help you find away to tell your family… I praying for you.
No! No! No and fuck NO! Dont you dare do anything that makes you uncomfortable! You are an adult! You cant stop or change what happened to you as a child but you damn sure can change how your kids are treated and how you are treated from this moment out! Sincerely, a SURVIVOR from years of sexual abuse from my uncle! PM me if you ever need to talk!
He actually deserves to pay for what he did to you!!! Please get counseling. Prayers for you
I would write him buy not to tell him about your family but what he had he done to you and how it has affected you. Maybe that will help you get closure in the situation knowing that he is all ready in jail and cant hurt you or your family. I would also maybe talk to a counselor.
Seek counseling, tell your family, forgive him, forgive yourself. I know its hard, I’ve done it. It will take years, but these are the steps that helped me.
Omg it’s really hardcore I wish you will get over it soon
But I think you should tell everything to your momy because it is a serious problem and something should be told and who knows may be when he gets out of prison he will try to do those dirty things again
Tell your mom honey don’t hesitate
May God be with you