You are their grandmother. They are a portion of you, your blood. It takes a village to raise children! It is also proven to be very healthy that grandparents are a part of grandchildren’s lives. Also, look to the future with this… your son will eventually assist with taking care of you. A full circle.
Appreciate the time you get with your grandchildren.
Also, the cost of living is completely different than it used to be so comparing how you survived as a single parent with babysitters is invalid compared to how it is now. Way more difficult these days. And I’m sure your son appreciates everything you do but maybe doesn’t communicate it enough.
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He shouldnt be upset you had your kids, youve raised your kids, but I might feel upset if my mom or dad couldnt help watch my kids (especially over simple possible meals). If it takes me sending spaghetti, hot dogs, cup o noodles, chicken nuggets over to make my mom or dads life easier watching my kids I’d gladly do it. My grandma helped watch me and so did my aunts and older cousins and like 98% of the time for free…including family vacations to theme parks and camping etc, kids come first in families, at least in my opinion, everyone is raised differently
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Just tell him all this. You deserve to care for yourself and have time and space for yourself.
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It isn’t your job to parent your grandchildren just because he is a single parent . Anyone on here who says it is is out of line. Let him know the time line till he needs to find a sitter and stick to it. You did your time parenting . Always be there to offer support when you can but it’s not your job to carry the struggle of raising his children.
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Appreciate that u have grandkids just saying
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Coming from a mother and grandmother’s point of view, you raised your children and found a way, he needs to do the same. You raised your children. Almost sounds as if he’s taking advantage of the situation. Don’t feel guilty about it.
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Awe I feel for you. Yes we do love our grand babies but if you get burned out your not going to be good for anybody.
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I feel like if you say something you will regret it. If it gets taken wrong and then he decides not to bring the grand babies around.
Idk do what your heart says. I say love those grandbabies.
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keep yourself first pls … and, speak up … you’ll see a smile in the mirror when you do …
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Maybe u can get someone to help u
Yall really out here bashing this poor woman. She already raised her kids, out here shaming a woman for wanting her life back, yes being a grandmother is wonderful and rewarding for both kids and grandparents but yall really forgetting the fact she literally pays for everything while they are there. She works 40+ hours a week herself and she has a right to the rest of the time she has. “It takes a village” yea raising kids does take help sometimes, but “it takes a village” is so outdated because it seems like people aren’t even raising their own kids under this very pretense. Honestly if you really feel that bad, tell him you can do 2 nights instead of 3 and he has to provide everything for them, or you can’t do it anymore. You are buying their supplies when he as their parent should be, it is not your job to raise your grandkids. He either provides EVERYTHING they need or you don’t watch them anymore period.
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I was married at 17, had my first daughter at 18, my second at age 30. I always told them they could have all the children they wanted, but don’t bring them to me too raise! I feel like I did my part ! ( So glad I don’t have any grandchildren )
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Tell him you can only do it once a week if you even want to do that. Your not obligated. You do plenty.
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Wow
How sad is it that you feel that way
Towards your grand kids
I feel sorry for them not you
I have 7 beautiful grandkids
(I live with my daughter and 3 of my grandkids)
I would never expect any money
For looking after any of them
I’m on a disability pension and I’m happy to spend money on them
If they need something if I can afford to do so
I would rather mind my grandkids
Then my my daughter or my son pay for a baby sitter
As it gives me time with them
From one Grandmother to another
Suck it up sweetheart
As we don’t know how long we have on this earth
I’m a single mom with one income and would never expect my parents to watch my kid like that. My parents maybe have a night with him once every month or every couple months.
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I’d kill for the chance to look after my grandchildren.
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Just be honest he will understand you got a life too
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Just tell him, you are overwhelm . You can’t do it becUSE YOUR HEALTH WON’T LET YOU.
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He needs to find a way, if that means hiring a sitter then that’s what has to be done, and he would be providing meals for his children I think that’s the least he can do now. I understand they are your grandchildren but like you said you were a single parent and made it through, I would tell him like you told us, just like that.
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Tell him all this… Not fb
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She didn’t say she doesn’t want to be a Grandma… She’s saying she JUST wants to be “Grandma” not a second parent. Working full time and being older along with helping raise children… I can’t imagine. I don’t think she’s wrong at all for needing a break. Even cutting down a bit would help. She’s clearly a great Grandmother considering all she’s already done along with putting her needs to the side. He may not do it on his own but maybe you could look for someone and help come with options for him… I feel like when I need someone to handle something, I do everything I can to make it easier or it will never happen. Check into some in home daycares or if he qualifies for any help? Best of luck to you!
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You simply say no. It is that simple. I didn’t have family to help when my kids were little. Their grandmother lived hours away. My parents were both deceased. We had to hire a babysitter. It isn’t bad to take time for yourself.
I’m an only parent work full time and go to school. My parents never help me with my son. Fortunately he’s in school now… I personally would tell him that he’s got 2 months and as of x date you will take them once a week or a couple hours a week if you’re up to it but that you’ll no longer be a regular babysitter.
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You have a right to your time. Your raised your children. You don’t mind babysitting. But not on a regular schedule. I was divorced with a 1&4 year old. My mom babysat in a pinch but I found sitters and I worked a full and part-time job. I never resented my mom I appreciated her.
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Baby sitting.
I have 3 grandchildren and I find this perminology offensive.
I have watched cared for stayed with my grandchildren.
I have never baby sat them
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You are an amazing grandparent, my kids grandparents never ask to have them.
You have done more then enough, to have them so much for him. He needs to take responsibility and either find another job more suitable for his lifestyle or hire a nanny/babysitter.
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That’s not “babysitting” that’s family…. That being said your mental health matters. Maybe say you can only do 1 night a week. Babysitters are super hard to trust, are usually unreliable and expensive and it’s hard to find and keep a good one. He trusts you and feels comfortable which is something you should feel thankful for in itself. Maybe tell him you need a week off a month and have him get a sitter one week a month
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Straight up tell him. You are tired and he is doing NOTHING to cover their food and expenses. You cannot afford to and he is to find someone else as you will no longer be doing it. Be honest and to the point. When he gets an actual sitter he will HAVE to pay whether he likes it or not. He needs to step up and provide for them.
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Well you aren’t obligated to watch them for him. They are a blessing but yeah why are you raising his children for him when he’s not even helping with anything. My dad’s probably watched my oldest son a few times a year and my 6 month old twice when I went out to get food for all of us.
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You’re allowed to take some time if you need it. You’ve been helping him out a lot. Those kids are his responsibility, I know it might be harder for him but you managed the tough times when he was younger, I’m sure he can figure it out too.
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It’s amazing what our kids put us through. These days some grandparents are doing more for the grandkids than the actual parents.
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Tell him how you’re feeling. There is nothing wrong with how you feel and what you need. I’m sure you’d still be there in emergency situations. Good luck.
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He is very entitled if he is not providing for their needs. Maybe ask him to pay you or give him a list of all the money you spend on the children. Let’s see if he finds better daycare than you
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Please keep in mind once upon a time “babysitters” would often be stay at home mom’s that were just taking in a couple extra kids. Now the world is different and 2 incomes are needed to maintain most homes. So the time of people watching kids for 3-5 bucks an hour is over… I make 17 at a factory and have 3 children. If it wasn’t for my own mother… a lot of babysitters are asking 20 for 3 kids. Your son probably hasn’t made the move not because he has been lazy… he probably legitimately needs you.
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Is he doing ok financially ? Is the mother taking a lot for child suport ? There are a lot of variables here and if he is struggling and you don’t know it and give up the care of your grandchildren then he might lose custody and you might not be able to see your grandchild at all 
. He might be doing the best he can with what he has, if he can afford a sitter maybe organise one for him maybe he isn’t really good at organising
It’s nights, are they not sleeping? I’d hate to have a mother like you!! Calling it babysitting!! Wtf it’s UR Son AND GRANDCHILDREN
Life is short and they could be gone any minute - be grateful
He’s a single Dad! (I could go on further about how he was raised - there’s clearly a pattern here).
Wish I could see my mother to ask for help!!
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Pretty sure your son is grateful and when he’s on his feet again will show u his gratitude.
Just communicate with him.
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Imagine referring to time spent with your grandchildren as “baby sitting” 
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I watch my granddaughter after school and it has been every summer. I don’t ask for money but, the everyday is hard. I suggested a ywca camp with other kids . I picked up the paperwork. It is better for her to be with kids . I will miss her so much but it’s for the best.
Babysitting is expensive. His whole pay check would go to a babysitter.
There’s no way to drop him without hurting his feelings. You’ve turned him into an entitled d!ck by allowing this behavior. Now you gotta put your foot down and don’t babysit. Have a serious conversation and calmly and rationally lay it out for him, with a set deadline for when your last night of babysitting is going to be. And STICK TO IT. Just like any other adult, when he doesn’t take you set and is stuck without a babysitter last minute, he can call out of work. And keep calling off till he gets another babysitter. Don’t let him guilt you into believing it’s your fault either. Bcuz it most definitely is not.
And hope he will get over it sooner rather than later, if at all.
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You’ve done your fair share of taking care of your grandchildren, financially and in other ways and your son just seems to take you for granted.Tell him no or put strict boundaries on when they can come over. You might have to put your foot down, even not answer the phone or go broken record on him before he gets the message but he will at the end…
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Hate to say it but parents get used up nowadays. Help is virtually demanded by them. Look I do it, once baby and now childminding occasionally and admittedly it gets easier as the kids get older. Won’t even go anywhere regards the financial help. With working also I understand how taxing it is, but I supposed it’s when the joy of having them gets too much you should say a break would be nice. Also what’s the mother up to?
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Tell him the truth. You work and your not a kid anymore and need a break
I wish I had the privilege to watch my grandchildren and see them everyday. But I live 2 hours away from them. I work,but I would find the time to balance between a job and the kids…Cherish every moment you can,they grow up fast.
2/3 nights a week?!
Speak up. Set boundaries. Communication has obviously been lost along the way. As overwhelmed as you are, I’m sure he is much worse.
Explain what you expect of him. No exceptions. Otherwise you’re gonna ruin your relationship with him and those babies.
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It’s only 2 or 3 times a week while he works he’s not off out enjoying himself . Your his mum they are your grandchildren.Hes a one income single parent. How hard is it looking after them all in the evening? do they not goto bed and sleep? .you say the other grandma helps as well. What has happened to their mother is she dead ? Has she run out on them or what.So you have bought their school clothes etc. That’s what families do they rally round and help out. Why are you using Facebook to discuss this ? How disloyal are you being if he needs you be thankful there are thousands of grandparents out there that would kill to be in your situation who never see their grandchildren ever. Count your blessings.
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He would have to pay for a part time babysitter where you do it for nothing and additionally supply the children with things he doesnt have to buy a part time babysitter wouldn’t do that. He is taking complete advantage of you…TELL HIM
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It doesn’t mean that you don’t love them when you need to live your life, and it sounds like dad needs to pick up the slack, give him a date that you will no longer be available, give him enough time to find someone else, and be prepared that he may not take your decision very well
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Nothing wrong with how you feel, you raised your children. It’s not your job to do anymore than be a grandma. If you were retired than I can totally see why you wouldn’t mind but your not and it’s hard! Harder the older you get too patience wears thin. You need to just set healthy boundaries with your son. Tell him he has a month to find someone, your just exhausted and it’s just too much. Maybe you could fill in if by chance a babysitter hot sick. But only if you want that. Just be honest and if he gets mad just let him have his space. It will blow over. And stick to what you want or it will lead back to you watching them full time. I paid our parents to watch our kids while I worked, not as much as I would a daycare but $20 a day, and I supplied everything. They said they do it for free, but I didn’t feel right with that, I know it keeps them from being able to have other plans and they deserve something for that, so I did what I could afford, once I had my second we paid 30 a day. I felt my parents abd my husband’s had raised their kids, they didn’t have to wat h my kids unless they wanted too. So don’t feel bad, if you have brought it up before than your son needs to listen, and care about your opinion. He needs to grow up a bit no offense, but it’s a part of being a adult abd parent taking care of your own and realizing it’s your job no one else’s responsibility.
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Maybe you and the other grandparent can take turns like one take them one week and the other take them the next week that way you both get a break. And just tell him you need help with food when they come and to pack them stuff that they need for when they come to your house.
You are basicallyas if the kids mom or his ex that he broke up and us co partenting with now ! That’s what you are right now to him. You are not his mom or the kids grandparent at this point you are just the other mom that’s missing . He is using you to put it blunt but he is also trusting you. You need to see rules and boundaries. He is a grown man and he had the 2 kids it’s his life he can figure it out.
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No no no. Your son is fully taking advantage of you. This is not on. My mum took care of my daughter before and after school so I could work a couple days a week and I paid her for that. Then when I had a baby she took care of him the couple days a week I worked and I paid her for that as well.
He needs to understand that you work and need time to rest. He also needs to understand that you cannot finance his life as well as your own. This is not cool.
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Unfortunately you need to put your needs first or else you will grow to resent them all. Just say to him you have mentioned it before but you can not afford to do this arrangement anymore and you just don’t have the physical energy to do it. You have had your time raising your babies, now it’s time for you to be a grandmother.
put your foot down He is taking advantage of you for real.
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honestly. I know it is hard to talk and tell others our feelings. and some times it is easier to ignore when someone is telling you something you don’t want to hear. But instead of writing on face book. I think a sit down talk with your son. Before you talk write down what you want to say. Sometimes you have to take the steps to help. I know you are busy but maybe you might have to help find the babysitter. I know it isn’t really your job but it might be easier for you to find the babysitter then facing your son. Do you have other children. Maybe a family meeting would help. sit down as a family and see what can be done to help. Sometimes other children can straighten out the child that is acting more childlike then adult like. What is he using his money for. Is it selfish things or could it be he has no money. Now if he is wasting his money then you have all rights to ask. As I see this you have a communication problem. But do you have the heart to hurt your son’s feelings. or do you feel you owe him? These are all question you must first work out for yourself. If you are posting on line to find people to agree with you and tell you what you want to hear I am sure you will find them. But if you want to find the truth, go to people who you trust and ask them what to do. STRANGERS don’t know anything.
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Wow… sounds fairly familiar
I don’t see what the big deal is its just 2-3 nights
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Be blunt you have a life too he needs to take responsibility what if you were not here what would he do then doesn’t mean you don’t care
All these people “I would love to babysit my grandchildren”, my mum died when I was 17 and she never even got to meet my children, I still wouldn’t bring her back just so I could take advantage of her generosity.
Working 40hrs a week, babysitting 3 nights a week AND picking up the tab? If you would be okay with that… I’m sorry, you’re mental.
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Although, I’m not usually a fan of the term babysitting when it comes to grandchildren, it seems that that is exactly what he looks at you as. I would just be honest with him. Tell him that it’s taking a toll on you mentally, physically, and financially. Could you still do it maybe one night a week? That will take some of the stress off of you but also still save him a little money? Maybe you know someone that you trust that you can recommend to him for the other nights?
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Think about if the mother had them and wasn’t allowing you or your son to see them. They’ll grow up soon enough
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Sit him down an just be honest about it
Don’t ask me. I’ll kill myself to make sure kids are good. Idc how tired I am… kids who’s parents I don’t even like! So for my grand babies… I’m helping until I’m 6 ft under. But maybe you could set boundaries… or help him pay for a sitter or program?
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Just talk to him. You also need a break and time to yourself. There is no shame in that at all…
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Explain to him how you feel.
You set him up for failure because you didn’t make him fully responsible Fine if u don’t get paid for babysitting but everything else ur doing is helping him to become irresponsible because he hasn’t had to pay out extra money for babysitting clothes cleaning up the house Landry plus the other mom helping him also Which is a wonderful blessing to have you both But ur giving up to much of ur self and making extra sacrifices that he believes means nothing to you because you just have taken care of the children been their very responsible and yes you love them unconditionally However neither of you seem to have set any boundaries nor real responsibility on him He has to understand that this isn’t forever it’s only to help him when ur able Now ur full time it’s time for a sit down one on one The love between you will continue to grow Tell him u will help him find a good nanny and make sure that the kids are happy It’s not the end of the world it’s a new beginning for everyone He has to know that everything you have been doing was for him to get it together fully together and guide him down his new path Help him find a good nanny they are out their
Good luck to everyone you all deserve happiness and love it doesn’t end here it’s growing new branches
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The best thing to do is be honest and work something out. You did your part when you raised your children its not your job to also raise your grand babies its his job to make sure they are being taken care of.
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He probably sees it as he works nights and the kids sleep so how hard can it be? You need to sit down with him and tell him that having to buy school supplies and clothes and extra food is not in your budget. And he is making out like a bandit and his free ride is over.
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I’m thankful my mom helped me and I’m helping my daughter. Sorry he has to do this alone. It’s hard and life is expensive. Many cultures have multi generational homes and help each other. You get to chose
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My grand mother always said why buy a cow when you can get milk free???Good advice i have learned over the years.
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Idk they are your grandkids. Maybe limit it to days your not working but I would die if I was asked to pay my kids grandma. She stays at my house 2 days a week and helps me with 3 kids. I pay her way while she’s here. Food or whatever she needs while here and I’ve helped her with anything she’s ever asked from me. But she often spends money on my kids while here as far as anything they want or ask for.
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Possibly find one or two moms that you can give him their name… It is easy if they have children close to the kids’ age; most moms would love to earn a little but of extra $ 
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I think you can still do it. Maybe you need a break. It is nite time. Dinner a bath and bed. He needs to help with money. I no longer see my grandson and watched him all the time after I got hm fr work. I miss him soooo. Take a break
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so unfair to the grandmothers, they have to enjoy their retirement years, these are grandchildren and are ment for short visits and enjoyment not responsibility.
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“Listen to me Son,
I’m exhausted. This ride has been fun, but I can’t do it anymore.
So from tomorrow I’ll help you find a nanny or someone else to come in while you’re at work.”
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Sounds to me like you are being taken advantage of. Watching the children while he’s at work is a JOB. Not the same as spending time with your grandchildren. Give him a specific date that your being able to care for them is going to stop. 2 wks, 3 wks, what ever. And i would be honest about why, not being paid for food, clothes etc. Tell him it’s TOO MUCH. Once he has to pay for their care he’ll have a deeper appreciation for all you’ve done. He’ll have to pay a premium for over night care! I couldn’t work that shift because care wasn’t available. He might have to make some tough decisions. That’s on HIM. NOT YOU. You deserve to have time w the grand kids that doesn’t drain you financially and mentally!!
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You just have to do it. My mother will help if she can but when she can’t she just says it. She has a full time job and 2 kids still at home. My two are a lot to add in addition to my niece who is there alot. She cant tell my sister no. But she tells me no. And yeah it hurts. And it makes ya feel a bit hung out to dry…but because I had to figure it out on my own, i have grown more independent. Its the ever evolving tough love situation. You have told him no over the years and he was mad or hurt or disappointed. He got over it. And he grew from it.
To try to see it from his perspective, he is probably emotionally overwhelmed and naturally defaults to relying on his mother because you were always there for him. And you are. So maybe when you approach this subject again about the sitter, maybe go another step further again (as I assume you always do, good moms cant help it) maybe have a list of possible sitters and the hours of availability. Coming with a solution ready when addressing the issue will help. Soften the blow if nothing else. I might be way off but I can empathize with both perspectives.
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Talk openly & honestly about what your boundaries are…maybe watch them on certain days giving you a break few …Tell him to bring snacks.
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Childcare is really expensive and hard to find right now but I def don’t think you should be put under that pressure. Is mom not involved? Are kids almost school age?
He isn’t a single father ! He has you doing all the work!
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Mama, there is No easy way… !!
U just have to be Firm… with no guilt… no excuses… !!
Tell him it has been fun, u love him and the kids… but he has 2 weeks to find some one for 2 nights, it’s his responsibility… not urs to find someone responsible… ! And u will help one night a week… name the day… write it all out for him a head of time and hand it too him … put a date down. Men are the worse… to remember and push on dear one Mom… Say it firmly… And hug him as he leaves… 
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Find a sitter for him!
My kid goes to grandmas 3 times a month for 4 hours each. I made sure to make it convenient, I pack all food and diapers. It was originally 2 times but my job is short staffed so they are forcing us to work more. Covid put a huge strain on the child care industry and the truth is I need more days of my child over there but I don’t want to wear anyone out with my child that I chose to have so I’ve just been dealing with it. I pay for daycare and Saturday care
What???..this is your kids, and grands we are talking about, and only 2-3 nights a week!
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Tell him to get a baby sitter or start paying you should not have to pay for his kids
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Unfortunately this is something that is going to hurt someone’s feelings no matter what you say. I would just put my foot down and say I can’t do it anymore. Don’t feel bad, you are allowed to feel the way you do. Every one feels overwhelmed from time to time.
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I have siblings that have done this and I see the toll it takes on my parents so I could never do that to them too. He works, tell him to find a babysitter. It sucks and it’s hard but it’s HIS responsibility. Grandma, it’s time for you to live your own life now and you have nothing to feel guilty for.
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Wow- my mom drove 30 minutes to my home sometimes twice a day and picked up from daycare, school, ect. and made dinner if I was working nights. She is a saint- but I will never forget how she helped out in our time of need and gave my boys precious memories for life of time well spent with her 
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Have him apply for child care assistance and give it to you. I believe you have to get some kind of certification though to be a caregiver for the state. I was going to do that with my mom when she watched my older kids but then she ended up moving. Even if you decide you don’t want to go that route, he can always take them to another certified childcare facility or person. Anyway, it’s worth checking into because the worst that can happen is they’ll say he makes too much.
It’s not your job to play babysitter for him. He’s gonna have to grow up n figure it out himself
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I think the time should be cut down…maybe once or twice a week and he should provide their essentials (food, clothes, etc) just be honest and tell him it’s too much with you working as well and not your responsibility but you should want to help at least once a week
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I wonder how the other grandma is feeling about this? She may be feeling the same way.
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Well I guess this is just a “every family is different” kind of situation. My mom is retired now and keeps my sisters kids 5 days a week 630am to 4-5pm. She doesn’t complain a bit. She lives for her grandkids. I’m assuming this is probably because me and my sister spent 75+% of our time with our grandparents when we were little too. I never once went to a daycare or anything like that, it was always grandma’s house. I guess everyone has their own opinions
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You find a sitter for them, then let him know. I am sure you will feel better knowing who is watching them.
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It’s tough. But if he worked days, the kids would both be in daycare. So he’d have to get a child minder for the evenings. I get it everything is hard. But after a full time job then watching the grand kids 3nights a week too is going to be a bit much. I know my mum would struggle. Be OK short term but she wouldn’t do it indefinitely.
I used to be a single mom, single parents need the help and support. If it’s only 2 to 3 nights a week I would just suck it up and just tell him I need a little more help with leaving some money for things! I would be more proud that he is a present dad and isn’t out doing other things!
Grandparents should be around only as much as they want to. I try to make sure I respect my mother’s boundaries when it comes to how often I ask her to take my daughter. She still works and has her own life to live. She already raised her kids.
OP needs to put up hard boundaries, while also being nice. It’s a hard balance.
“I love you and your children so much. I am just so tired, and I have tried discussing issues X, Y and Z in the past, and you haven’t made any changes to help accommodate. You have X amount of time to line up a regular babysitter, as I will only be willing to take the kids for Y amount of time now”
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Tell him it is getting to be to much for you and maybe you can help him out a few times a month or he can see if the other grandmother can take over the other days if she is not working.
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You just have to take a deep breath and just be honest. I know it’s hard but you’ve gotta put your mental health first.
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