That’s just wrong to me. She should be allowed to sit there, that is his bonus mom. Blood or not. My bonus dad will be sitting at the table with me and my mama.
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Nope no no… regardless of your feelings towards her she should be allowed to sit beside her husband on this day if not then you put them at a table and you only have your bridesmaid and your groomsmen sit beside you I’m telling you now if you’re already starting issues and Division you won’t last long
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Put your Dad beside you then his dad, and put his mom & step mom beside him
Tell your father in law to break the news.
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Maybe put bio mom with your dad on your side and let them sit together?
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The bride and groom table should be the bridal party …then a table in front of the bridal table would be the parents of the bride and the groom…and you are with your comments already making a divide instead of bringing family together with your thoughts
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100% you are the AH, just put your mother in law next to your dad and put your Father in Law next to your husband and Step mother in law on the far side away from you. Drop the dramatics for 1 day
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This will cause alot of problems.
I know if I were her my husband would want to sit next to me no matter who says what. Just think about that.
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What does your fiance think and want?
I personally could outcast another family member.
You and your fiance sit at one table together.
Your family one table, his family another table.
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Jus tell her if thats what ya want
No matter if she is a pain, she is the woman that your future father in law has chosen to be with. I think it would be very hurtful to your future father in law.
As others have commented have her seated next to your father.
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I just wouldn’t go if I was the step mom. If I’m going to a wedding I want to sit with my husband. You’re for sure the AH. Seems like a lot of drama you are creating for literally no reason
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It’s his wedding too. Let him have the final say as to who sits at his side of the table.
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Wow!! I don’t care what kind of woman she is, she was obviously important enough for his dad to marry her and like it or not she’s family…grow up!! Stop trying to start drama!!
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either sit his bio mom with your dad and let his dad and the step mom sit on his side to make it equal (i feel like he should sit next to his mother tho for obvious reasons… so this is not my first choice personally.) or just tell her off:joy:
as long as you guys both agree that you do not want her there she has no right, it’s y’all’s wedding
I see nothing wrong with it, just tell her.
Throw him away and get a new one 
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well let me blunt you will destroy that family trust in you. Your soon to be husband may change his mind about being with someone like you. Sorry your mom is deceased but would you do your dad that way how would you feel if your dad got remarried and let her kids sit beside them but not your husband just you? She will be a part of your husbands life until they divorce or one of them passes. I can almost guarantee the dad will not be sitting up there without his wife and you maam will be causeing alot of problems with you and your new husband
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It’s quite possible she tried to be a part of his life and he was a normal step child in a normal remarried situation. Maybe she’s an asshole. 
You would definitely solidify her extraction from your family entirely, and she might be a completely different person now for all of the hard feelings keeping her away all this time you might not know
She’s part of the family. Make room for both.
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You remember that
- It isn’t just your wedding. Have you even asked him his thoughts on it?
- If he wants her and his dad there, it’s not your choice. His family. Also his wedding. Ultimately his decision.
- Put your foot down and stop letting her walk all over you. She’s busy. So are you. If she wants it she can make time to come get whatever she needs. Putting your foot down and standing your ground is the only way to get her to back off without causing a divide in his family. And you can let her know that you have things a certain way at the wedding, and if she doesn’t like it she can either a) suck it up and deal with no snide remarks or b) sit at another table.
But don’t remove her from the table just because you don’t like her when it’s his family. It is his decision and you should really talk to him first.
Just my thoughts and opinions on this. Good luck!
Nah this isn’t ok. Shame on you. Someday you and your man statistically speaking especially with your petty attitude will divorce and you could be the step mom someday or your new man be the step dad. If i was this stepmom not only would this be embarrassing I’d be heartbroken and you best believe my man would sit with me not his ex. Would you want your man sitting with his ex while you’re off in the corner like chopped liver??
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She’s not going anywhere and your gonna have to live with it if their a close family . Make room for all at the table , who cares what side they are on . After the vowels you all become one big family anyways. His step mom is uptight , ummm pot meet kettle 
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Regardless of your opinion of her and how she is as a person overall, this is a huge lifetime thing and all you’re going to do is embarrass her, embarrass his father and cause more problems with her than you already have. That’s a pretty crappy thing to do. If I was his dad and my kids tried to do that with their step parent, I would almost consider not coming to the wedding myself. You need to set your differences aside and just get through this day. Yeah… I think you’re being an AH
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Not having her sit at the table will cause unnecessary tension and heartache for years to come. Totally not worth it!
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wait till you have kids
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That’s just selfish. I know my husband would not sit there if I wasn’t included. Not because it would hurt my feelings but because he respected me and wanted me by his side.
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What does your fiance say
Suck up…this could ruin the whole wedding…
I’m a step mom and a mom and my husband has older kids. I promise if his kids did this to me he would probably not go. Honestly ur gonna have to find a compromise bc she is his wife he is not gonna wanna just sit w his ex.yes it’s ur wedding but she is family. At our wedding the bride and groom table was only for us and my inlaws sat at another table my parents already passed but I wouldn’t dream of segregating family like this
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Put your husband’s mother by him and then his father and let the step sit on the other side of the father. Have your dad bring a date so he won’t be sitting by himself. Or let the mom sit by your father but don’t leave anyone out or you will have problems
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Take your grow-up pills and the correct answer will appear in your minds.
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So the comment section isn’t going how you planned?
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Just seat her on your side with your dad.
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My parents are divorced and I did this. They walked me down the aisle together, sat in the front row together, and sat at the same table during reception. Their significant others weren’t invited. Regardless of their relationships (they’re good friends actually) they, just those 2, are my parents. They were both happy to do this and had no issues.
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You can tell her that, but expect it to blow up in your face where your fiance’s dad will stick with his wife and may not come to your wedding AT ALL. Is that what you really want? Just keep it simple…either sit with your wedding party or just have a sweetheart table with you and your fiance.
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I’m sorry but as a “ stepmom and THREE sitting on my step daughters side( mom isn’t remarried)” I was included and felt honored to be included in her special day. You truly shouldn’t cause any family drama( this certainly will). It will never be forgotten. If she conducts herself properly at the wedding their should be no issue with her sitting at that table. No reason to hurt another’s feelings( deeply). That leaves the father n law and your hubby to deal with the aftermath for non sense. It also appears that you are far to concerned with what guests may think about the people sitting at that table. All your guest( minus children) should be old enough to understand spouses pass away, couples divorce. I simply wouldn’t do what you are considering. Think how your future father n law is going to feel as well.
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usually the wedding party sits with the bride and groom, however u can do it however you want. I personally would either leave the table for bride and groom, or bride, groom and wedding party and then just a small table for family near the front of bride and groom that way there’s no split sides, his dad, his step mom, his mom and ur dad can all just share a table and won’t have to pick any sides
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Wow u sound like a winner
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I’m sorry but she is married to his dad so she is a parent. Either have all 4 of them sit with yall or just have a parents table and a separate bridal table.
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Have a table for just you and your husband. I’ve never seen the parents sitting with the bride/groom before.
Do a sweetheart table with just you and your spouse and do not touch this. It will get ugly.
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You are wrong, you cannot expect your father in law and his wife to sit at separate tables. You are being selfish and unreasonable. Does your fiance know?
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You’re wrong, she belongs at the table with her husband
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Why do they have to be at separate tables on either side? Why not just seat them all at the same table nearby? 
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You don’t want to be a bridezilla. Separating your father in law and his wife is disrespectful to his dad. The amount of people at a table when you’re talking about family is not a issue. You’re being nit picky. We have “step” mom, dad, brothers and sisters in our family. We’ve never separated out people from each other. It’s a table for eating. They won’t be sitting there all night. Get over yourself and don’t cause a family issue that could last years
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Don’t be the reason for someone not to attend your wedding and have ill feelings such as your future father-in-law. Yes, it’s your day, yes it’s your wedding. You are becoming a part of a new family, starting off on the wrong foot is never good for anyone. You can make it special for your future mother-in-law that lives in Texas by getting her something unique and special just for her from you and your future husband and no one needs to know. Put yourself in the stepmother’s shoes and think how that would make you feel? How do you think your future father-in-law will feel? This is his wife and your future husband’s stepmother and is not being recognized as such. Everything in life comes with a consequence, don’t make it one you will regret later.
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Sounds like some drama is about to go down. This sounds like a bad idea to separate the step mom and dad. His mother and father are divorced so they even want to sit together?
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Selfish much? Me being a step mom …if I had to sit at a table that was NOT next to my husband…well let’s just say NEITHER of us would be in attendance for the wedding. Just bad etiquette
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I get that this is the grooms step mom. But y’all— he’s not even close to her. And she’s a pain in their ass. While everyone concerned about her feelings of not being able to sit with her spouse, I think we’re supposed to be thinking of the feelings of the Bride & groom, yes?? 
I mean if I was having a wedding & wanted to have a good time, I definitely wouldn’t want a nuisance at my table.
Idk. This is a tricky scenario.
Why don’t you have father of the bride and mother of the groom. Then it’s balanced and she can be at a different table without being separated from her husband 
. Compromise for all.
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Sit his step mom on the side with you dad.
Or better yet someone mentioned a table to sit at all together. That seems like a win win. Only the bride and groom plus the wedding party is at the head table.
Because when you marry him your going to have to get along with the step mom.
It is your day. You don’t have to invite anyone or compromise for anyone you don’t have to. Especially if she’s not gonna make the day about you herself.
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I would just be direct with her. Politely let her know that the table is for his mom and dad and ask her if there is a certain person she would prefer to sit by at the other tables explain to her why. I’d leave out the I don’t like you part though. It’s your wedding at the end of the day. Don’t feel guilty for wanting things how you want them.
Honestly, if you had this conversation with your husband to be. I feel like it’s fair since none of you even like her anyways
Don’t do what you’re planning to do. It will reflect badly on you and is ill mannered. Be the better person. I seriously dislike the “it’s my wedding I’ll do what I want” attitude. It does nothing but create bridezillas. Being a bride doesn’t give a person the right to treat others like cr@p. A bride still needs to be a decent human being and respect others feelings. Don’t know where this awful mentality came from. Remember these people (they’re family like them or not)will be part of your life from now on. Do you really want to start off on the wrong foot?
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Why not have his mom sit on your side with your dad? That way everyone is included and it’ll be equal people on both sides?
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Or, you can have the dad’s on one side and the moms on the other?
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Just do a bride and groom table. It will save you worry and heartache.
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i can see both sides here, where people are saying its gojng to cause tension and be a problem, and where its your wedding your choice
the best thing to do in my opinion - is just be blunt and tell her she isnt sitting at the table - that her seat will be where ever it is you choose, and if she cant handle it like an adult, then thats her problem.
as long as you address everyone else and tell them YOUR plans, what YOU want and how you want YOUR wedding - it wont be a problem. as long as they all know you have it planned how you do with everyone that you said in this post, your feelings about his real mother and her involvement, it will bring her true colors out and she will be embarrassed later on on how she reacted. make sure to probably say it to everyone all at the same time that way everyone hears you and your fiance and make sure you lay your foot down bc you know - its YOUR wedding
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Did both of you come to this decision, or just you?
I really don’t see the issue with having her sit with you all. As far as it being 3 people on his side, and only 1 on yours- Not to sound rude, but who cares? It’s about having the people who love you the most beside you both. I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but please give this more thought. It could very well create bigger issues.
Sounds like his step mom is a narcissistic!
It’s your husbands wedding too
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Honestly she does not belong tbh. If you don’t get along with her and the husband also does not get along with her…
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I will tell her for you😉
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Her not at the table aside… it’s a HUGE no no to put divorced people together, his bio parents should NOT be on the same side of the table. Period. His bio mother should be on your side next to your father (if the table is round or square) and his dad and step mom on his side of the table. If the table is rectangular and you’re all on one side you need need to find another for your side or cut two from his side.
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I didn’t have any parents at our head table at my wedding it was just us and our wedding party that was it…honestly you need to do what is right for you and your fiance the two of you need to discuss it and come up with a solution and ignore the judgements and don’t care what other people think at the end of the its your choice
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Your just asking for problems if you do that to her
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It’s your day and his. Do what you want.
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Why can’t your fiancé’s mum keep your dad company on his side of the table and your fiance’s dad and step mum can still sit together? It feels like you’re looking for a way to make it abundantly obvious you don’t like her and want to bring her down a peg or two. Be the bigger person
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It really doesn’t matter what your reasoning is if you want an amicable family get together. Pushing the step mama side would be a horrible thing to do.
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If your soon to be husband agrees with you than he should break the news to her, it’s his step mother after all.
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I would have a Bride & Groom table Only in front… & separate tables for parents/family… u know since yall are blending families now…& becoming 1…
But what if the mother had remarried & wanted to bring/ sit/ be w her husband… would he not be allowed either!!!.. therfore making the EX’s sit “tgthr” all while the Excluded spouses sit tgthr… but in This case… excluding just the stepmom… #itsallabouthowumakepeoplefeel
Ntm this will also cause unnecessary drama, tension, turmoil & chaos… that U really Don’t want to have…
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Just tell her or have name tags on the seats
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Set a table up for just you and the groom to sit at and the other table for the ones that are in the wedding
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So alot isnt going to go your way on your actual wedding day and this is going to cause waves I would imagine. If your fiancee wants to have that battle then let him tell them otherwise stay out of it and just have either everyone sitting at your table or none… in marriage and life you have to learn to pick your battles and this one is one I would leave alone
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I’d sit his Mom with your Dad. And the Dad and Step Mom together. Yes, this is your wedding, where you are signing up to be a part of this family for life. Think about the way you are starting off. Is it respectful? Or is it selfish and petty? Sounds like his dad and step mom are the ones that live closer to you. Those are the ones you will be dealing with mostly. Tread carefully. Both my parents and my husbands parents are divorced and remarried. We treated ALL with respect no matter the opinion either of us carried for any of them. People forget that a wedding is a celebration of two people becoming one. Meaning your families, your lives, are combining. I wouldn’t want the drama you’re asking for just so you can show people it’s your day and you can do what you want. There’s always consequences to our choices.
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Seat bio mum with your dad then it’s even on both sides. They are all family
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How does his dad feel about it?
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Why even invite stepmom at all if she is like that?
What does your fiancé want?
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Why can’t you have his bio Mom sit with your dad so they both can have company and this way the divorced aren’t having to sit together and your step mom can sit beside her husband? This all sounds petty to me to be honest.
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You’re worrying about the wrong things.
Girl……I mean, does it really matter at the end of the day? His stepmother’s presence at a table is not a big deal. At all!
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You are in the wrong here. Rude of you. She is his wife. Like it or not, separating them is just wrong of you. So either treat this woman with respect or just don’t have parents at your table.
I told my husbands dad of our wishes for the top table and he dealt with it. It wasn’t an issue in the end though.
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That’s a horrible thing to do. Hope you never plan to have a decent relationship with this lady ever after you do this…
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Well you’re asking the dad to choose between his spouse or his adult son. Also it sounds like you’re downplaying the role she had in his life. He can celebrate having two maternal figures. It sucks you only have one person. But why is that a reason to cut out someone who raised your fiancé? What does your fiancé say about this considering it’s his family you’re trying to snub? This drama that will start in his family and at your wedding. Like everyone won’t be talking about what you did and how you treated her. You’re so worried about shining up his mom whose kissed out on stuff. Her feelings on missing out on parts of her child’s life is hers to manage. Also weirdly why are you making your wedding about your fiancé and his mom? That’s some weirdness there.
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So the question you’re asking is - how to tell her. You’re not asking our opinion - if you should do this at all. Most of the comments are giving opinion toward if you should do it. I’ll answer your question as asked - just say it, or nothing at all. Say it if you want to stir the drama ahead of the big day. Or, say nothing and just plan it accordingly. Then at the right time during the reception, call the bio-patents up to the table and go on about your celebration. Either way, seems you’ll get what you want - to make the stepom feel secondary and highlight bio-mom. You’re risk then is step mom bombs the drama front and center during your reception. It’s your day, of course… but no guarantee it will turn out the way you’re wanting it to. The moment you impose your feelings upon others - they have full right to react.
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If u were a step mom how would u feel?? Don’t be that bride!! There’s way more to be worried about on your wedding day! The day is what u make it. Don’t cause 
won’t be no !! 
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Obnoxious way to begin your married life. Have just you and the groom at your table. You’re being really bride-zilla-like
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You have to show respect to the father.Everyone should be able to suck it up for the day.Im a step dad and would be hurt and insulted.That is,unless shes a big pain in the …best wishes and good luck
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You might be pushing your biological dad not to come if his wife can’t come.And personally I wouldn’t do that to my stepmom I think it’s rude but that’s my opinion but it’s your day
His mom can always sit on the same side as your dad.
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i would just tell her that it’s your wedding and u are marring her son not her so u’d like to have the people that u pick sitting at table -not what she wants ! like they beggers can’t be choosers !
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You’re asking for a lifetime of problems if you don’t have her at the table. Omg people we all have to get along at big events. Just sit her farther down. Real mom real dad step mom. It possibly could hurt his relationship with his father if you don’t
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Find a solution. Do not make more problems for everyone.
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Set a table for Bride and Groom ONLY
Then other tables for family then friends. She might not be the best as you say but she’s still part of the family and I don’t think it’s right to make her feel unwanted. This will be setting the tone here, if you do what you are wanting too it might cause you and your husband and family more problems in the long run. Best Wishes and Happiness for your Wedding Day
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All I see is a fight coming 
Step/bio or whatever. It’s a parent and it’s family. Girl figure out how to get along NOW. It’s either gonna be a miserable day for y’all or you’re going to figure out how to play nice together.
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Way to move forward in a healthy relationship with your spouse’s family. You are in deep trouble here. Best advice is to have your wedding party at the dais and other tables for families of bride and groom. Everyone’s happy.
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Have his mom sit next to your dad just so there isn’t any drama
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