How do I deal with awful inlaws?

They invited themselves for the holidays, volunteered our house for a family member to stay at, and nagged and nagged and nagged until we just said shut the hell up about it do what you want. I even dread having my baby because they push and push and push and just keep pushing and I'm at my breaking point. I have had so many days where I just cry because I'm so stressed because they just do whatever they want. I already know when my baby is born my life will be even more hell then it already is because they can't control themselves and I can't even stand looking at my fiance because of them. They are making me hate getting up in the morning and I know that seems dramatic but I am far too exhausted and pushed beyond my breaking point. Someone help me. Someone tell me I'm not alone.
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I’m so sorry girl. You need to tell your fiancée how you feel, he needs to talk to them and tell them you need space. It’s not fair for them to constantly nag you about things, it’s your life and you need to do things how you want. I would become strict when baby is here because it sounds like it’ll get worse. You need to keep your baby safe and healthy, in general and with the whole pandemic thing. I would tell him he needs to talk to them because your breaking point will come one day sooner rather then later and it won’t be pretty.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I deal with awful inlaws?

You are so not alone. There are groups for this. Monster-In-Laws! Monster-In-Law Support

But just remember NO is a complete sentence

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You need to set boundaries and keep them, whether they get pissy or not. If you don’t, they’ll just keep doing this and it will get worse.

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You are only a doormat if you allow yourself to be. Buy a deadbolt and put it on the door. Use it.

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You need to set your boundaries. If they continue to disrespect you then cut yourself out of their lives and if your fiancé doesn’t agree then maybe you should reconsider the person your with.

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been there done that… Go ahead and make a scene and let them know how you feel they’ll stop or they’ll leave you alone, set rules and boundaries

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Tell them to go home and take their houseguest with them. Your life, your house… and your baby=YOUR RULES! If you don’t put your foot down it won’t ever change.

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You need to nip it in the but and stand your ground or else their going to continue thinking they can over rule what you say because you allow them to do so. Their not your boss nor do you owe them a damn thing. Your house your rules, your baby your rules and so on and so forth. It’s only going to get worse the more you keep quiet/ give in to them when you say no

Book vacations on the holidays.

All jokes aside, you can’t live a full, healthy life allowing others to dictate it. Speak up, be assertive, and call your own shots. Either they respect that, or cut them out.

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Move thousands of miles away. Me x inlaws ignored me and their grands. Don’t know which is worse.

Push back! Create some pressure for them.

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Stand up for yourself and set boundaries. You can say no and your fiancé needs to step in and handle his parents. I would call that family member and tell them you never agreed to them staying at your house. Tell them they can stay at your in laws. And as far as inviting themselves over, don’t open the door. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Your fiance needs to step up and tell his parents to back off.

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Talk to your fiancé about it. Tell him you need boundaries with them. And tell them no and end the conversation. They want to keep going walk away or hang up and say I’ve already given you the answer, it’s not changing. Set the boundaries now before the baby comes.

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Don’t be there on Thanksgiving. Make plans for you and your partner to do something you want to do. When they get mad tell them you tried to tell them no in the first place and when you say no you mean no.

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He needs to put HIS family in their place tell him if he doesnt then youll leave him…its just gonna get worse if you dont put your foot down NOW!

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Tell them all NO amd stuck to it

You set your boundaries and anyone that oversteps needs to be put back into line. Tell your so called partner to man up and act like a partner

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Where is your partner/husband in all this? Is he supporting you by standing up to them? You need peace and serenity at this time of your life, not more stress and fear x

You teach people how to treat you. Start pushing back or it will only get worse.

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You and your fiance need to be on the same page with what boundaries you are going to set and enforce. That means your fiance needs to man up and put his future wife and mother of his child above the family he came from. It is your home too. You get to set boundaries about your home and your baby. You better bring that mama bear to the surface for your babies sake and your sanity. It’s your life. I got divorced over my ex not honoring my boundaries when it came to interacting with his family. I don’t have those issues in my current marriage because I learned to set boundaries and not feel ashamed or bad about taking care of myself. You shouldn’t either.

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You let it happen. Change it

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You are not alone. You need to have a long conversation with your fiancé about setting boundaries in YOUR home. It’s easier if he speaks to them about the situation since they are his parents. Your home should be your safe space & you should never feel anxious or uncomfortable in your own home.

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Think you need to tell ya partner then he needs to tell them to back off…

Speak up and don’t be shy! People will continuing pushing when they know they can!!! And don’t even try to be nice!! Not ugly but firm!!

How about you just tell them to get fucked!? Feelings get hurt but they’ll get the point.

A fight with my in laws put me in labor at 30 weeks (Stress induced). For 8 weeks I was in and out of the hospital because after that my baby just kept trying to come out. You NEED to set boundaries or you and your baby are gonna suffer. I told mine straight up either they respect me or they don’t see my child and luckily my fiancé backed me up so they changed tunes real quick. But if you don’t stand up for yourself they are gonna get so much worse once that baby comes. Sometimes you have to be the bad guy in other peoples story, that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.

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I had the same problems, but ALWAYS stood my ground and continued to argue with them. Finally, I bawled my eyes out to my husband and told him how much my pregnancy was destroying my relationship with my MIL and he had a talk with her and she’s been so much better ever since❤️ you have to speak up, stand your ground, and if they still want to argue, tell them the conversation is over!!! It’s your way or the Highway. Some people think this is unfair, however, I did not bring a baby into this world for her grandparents. I did it for my husband and I, and I will be damned if anyone takes that away from me.

Gain control of your life. Set boundaries. Communication with your spouse is key. You’ve got this.

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You are in charge of your and your household’s life, not them. My ex inlaws were brutal so I stopped going to family functions all together and never invited them over EVER. Only spoke to the few who were fine as long as no one else in the family was around, yeah they couldn’t even stand eachother! If my ex husband wanted to see them he did it on his own. My current fiance cut his family out because they were causing problems. I didn’t even have to say anything. Hell my fiance’s family is a walk in the park compared to what I had to deal with previously.

I have or should I say had lol in-laws like that. But I put a stop to since my bf wasn’t doing shit. I confronted them and told them this just isn’t his house. It’s mine as well. So if they couldn’t respect me ans my kids they weren’t allowed over. I’ve kicked them out several times. I’ve tried to make peace but u give this lady a hand and bitch take the arm. So I said enough is enough. My house my rules. Your not allowed here ans your not allowed to see kids. Well kids don’t want to see them either way ans don’t want to be around them. My house use to be used as a headquarters for them to hang out with their granddaughter ans spend time with her only and ignore my kids. So I could only take so much so I had to speak up since my bf wouldn’t do it and now I live peacefully ever after lol my bf visits them cuz they’re not allowed to come fuck up my good vibe

Boundaries. These people are only treating you this way because you ALLOW them to. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. We are having the most peaceful two holidays because we taught someone really toxic about boundaries. I suggest you do the same.

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You are not alone. Luckily I haven’t had to see my MIL in over 2 years. It’s been so nice!

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Set those boundries mama. Especially with your home and your family. No means no.

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Are you all living together? That’s the vibe I’m getting from your post. If you aren’t then set your fiancé down and express your needs and expectations from him in his support of you and your family. Set the boundaries and if they can’t respect them then cut them out.
If you live together and you can’t get your own place then you need to do the same thing but be a little more firm on the boundaries right off the bat.

Take a stand or forever you will live this way. You can be polite and stand

grow a back bone and say NO

Your fiance is letting this happen? :triangular_flag_on_post: :triangular_flag_on_post: :triangular_flag_on_post: :triangular_flag_on_post: :triangular_flag_on_post: tell him to set them straight or they can all FO including him.

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They do it because you allow it. Put your foot down and tell them no. Stop giving it. Tell your SO to grow a pair and tell his family to back off.

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I’m sorry you are going through this but you need to nip it in the butt now before the baby gets here. They seem rude as hell and you shouldn’t have to deal with that alone, the fiance needs to take charge and tell them to go host at their own home. Its not their place to invite themselves or others to. Hes gotta get off his moms tit, its not disrespect to her its just him being a big boy since he’s going to be a dad

Set boundaries and enforce them. Don’t allow people to treat you badly or take over your house uninvited. No is a complete sentence.

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Tell them you have some contagious illness

You don’t owe them access to you. Set boundaries and stick to them

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You need to keep yourself healthy and your baby too.
Set boundaries and talk with your partner about HOW you feel. I hope they support you and stand behind you.

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Jeeze. Gain control of you life. Learn to say no , and stand up for yourself… it’s not rocket science

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Your fiancé needs to stick up for you and you need to set boundaries together. Or it’s going to ruin your relationship.

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If it counts I am the exact same with my in-laws my in-laws decided to move themselves into my house until I had to call the police months later to evict them literally moved themselves in took over my children’s room leaving my children nowhere to sleep other than the living room floor for months

Be sturn state your boundaries now, and stick to them, with your fiancée’s support. I literally live next door to my mum, and even we have boundaries, text before you turn up, ect if the baby is going to sleep, nap time she doesn’t turn up. But won’t ever work unless your a team and push back together.

No you need to put your foot down or it’s alway going to be like this for you and your fiancé needs to stand by your side if not red flag fucking leaveeeeee

You need to set boundaries or else this will continue. And talk to your fiancé and tell him that he should also set boundaries with his family members. You do not need to stress yourself because of them especially since you are expecting. Put your foot down right now and say no. Or else you’re doing to stay exactly where you are and that’s not fair to you. It’s your life! Live your life how you should, happy.

Boundaries is needed here. And a talk to your partner about his family also. X

Hard boundaries. Tell them there will be boundaries and if they don’t abide by them then they won’t be high on your list of people to see.

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Girl just lose ur shit and get it out! 1st of all u can always use the pregnancy hormones to ur advantage in this situation. My in laws are similar sometimes and when I was pregnant I felt the same way, but I didn’t realize they weren’t picking up on my ques and they thought they were helping. It sounds like more of a communication issue than anything so maybe if u can calm urself enuf to let them kno how stressed really u are and hopefully things will be different and u all can have a great holiday under new understanding & communication… good luck & good vibes!

your fiancé should put them in their place! rude!

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Tell your fiancé that they over step your boundaries multiple times and your sick of it. If he doesn’t stick up to his family for you, you’ll have to do it. If he gets mad that you took actions into your own hands, you’d be better off without him. I’m sorry to say. Demand respect and if they don’t give it, cut them out. I have a problem when my first daughter was born with my own mom trying to but in everything I did with and for my daughter. It got worse when my second daughter was born. She tried giving us things we didn’t ask for and things I knew we would just leave behind when moving because we were always moving around. Eventually I just starting telling my mother that we didn’t need nor want what she was trying to give us and she started arguing because I didn’t have what my girls needed furniture wise, and that’s not entirely true. We didn’t get our kids certain things because they’d just destroy anything anyone gave them. Beds, chairs, anything. Wood, plastic, metal, it be broken within a week if not a day.

So set your boundaries now, and them know that you won’t tolerate it anymore.

Tell them you both have a virus , throwing up and diarrhea no visitors allowed ! Lock the doors and ignore the calls !
And stop letting them walk all over you

Tell them to kiss your ass !! If fiancé don’t like it send him on his way to . To much of a momma and daddy’s boy !!

Straight up I’d take my family to a hotel for Thanksgiving, and let them have the house. They wanna push so damn bad fine, but I’m gonna have my holiday my way come hell or high water.

I’m spiteful though, and don’t mind hurting myself to make a point. :rofl:

Absolutely clear boundaries AND CONSEQUENCES when those boundaries are pushed. And your spouse needs to be 1000% behind not just informing them of boundaries but enforcing those boundaries and consequences.
Also communicate how they are making you feel and let them know if it continues you will begin avoiding them to avoid those negative feelings and suggest things they can do better. Ask before assume, offer instead of demand- you are not their fixer!

You need to learn the word No and setting boundries. You have every right to feel the way you do, its your feelings, they are real. Best to nip it in the bud now not wait for it to get worse, and it will. If your fiancee wont stand up for you and have your back. I would rethink the marriage.

Get those people out of your house.

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Tell them to back the f off, stand up to then don’t be a door mat

Set your boundaries. Looks like it hasnt been done as of yet.

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I had to get away from them we moved far enough away so that contact was limited. I limit the amount of time I actually do spend with them to holidays and few family get togethers with the option of leaving when I get overwhelmed. I’ve made it clear to my husband that he and our kids can interact as much as they want but I’m staying at a distance.

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Tell your spouse to place boundaries with their parents. Your spouse should be supporting you and addressing these concerns for you.

You’re not alone. And their behavior is unnacceptable. Unfortunately, being a mom sometimes means being the “bad guy” and if your fiance doesnt have it in him to step up and put a stop to his family bullying you, then you should. It will be hard, but empowering and later down the road you be grateful you did it. Dont wait until you snap, because it is harder to get up from the fall than it is to stop yourself from being pushed down.

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Ok I totally understand but people only do to you what u let them put your foot down and stand your ground or it’ll never get any better

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Tell them your going out of town!!!

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Just do your thing. Doesn’t matter if you piss them off. It’s for your own sanity

Boundaries? That won’t sink in ! Tell them you are in quarantine till covid is GONE…For the baby’s sake

Boundaries. Set some and stick to them bc if not, this will be the result every time

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Own your stuff, let them own their part. The only helpful advice I have. It’s a tough situation and you can’t control what others do. Only how we react and let it effect us. I spent way to long giving my power to people who were negative (in-laws) and it just drained me. I hear you. You gotta let it go and find a way to emotionally protect yourself from letting them effect you. You will be surprised what they do when you stop letting them effect you. I noticed they stop trying as hard and the behaviour actually decreased and we are even to the point of being friends and, date I say, happy family. People push to get reactions. When you stop reacting or “giving your power to” them, they don’t get what they want. The behaviour gets worse at first because they know you have a breaking point and will eventually cave. By raising that breaking point level the other people will tire themselves out EVENTUALLY and you will see a different approach taken. It took 3ish years and a few months of us not speaking to them but it was all the better because now we see them almost every weekend with minimal issues. I mean they still try but I immediately ignore and just walk away or go something with my kids and be super happy and it takes the wind right out of their sails so to speak. Good luck in your journey.

Honey no your house your rules nobody needs to be there that you don’t want. “I’m sorry but we are preparing for our baby and I am not really wanting outside influences currently in my home, we need to politely decline holidays and extra visitors at this time”. If they can’t handle that tell them to Kick Rocks! You don’t want them there

You need to tell them how you feel and to leave,not to come back unless they change and by invitation.

Nobody listens until we lose our fucking mind so go on and lose it! Put them in their place before the baby comes! And tell your fiancé to defend you or he can kick rocks too! :tipping_hand_woman:t4:

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Make a plan with your love. No means No! They will learn or just keep the door locked and don’t answer the phone.

You leave.
When you Marry someone you also marry the family.
And if you cannot deal with them on the holidays there is no way you can deal with them the rest of your life

It’s a very important, very overlooked factor in marriage.

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You’re not alone. & easier said than done, but don’t give them power or control over your happiness.

Girl, ain’t nobody gonna stick up for you unless you do. Put your foot down. The reason they keep nagging is because it always works. Stick your guns and talk to your husband. One of you is gonna have to be the bad guy and take one for the team. You also need to establish boundaries BEFORE baby gets here. If its affecting your mental health, it has to be done. Now. Dont put it off. Talk to your husband and confront them together as a united front.

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Talk to your spouse about boundaries. If they can’t be respected, leave.

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My fiancé parents were the same way, he did WHATEVER they told him to and expected me to do the same. I was pregnant when they started that bullshit on me, unfortunately, my hormones wouldn’t let me fight back. Now that I’m not, I’m more comfortable telling them to absolutely f*** off

Draw your lines now. Make it clear what you will and will not allow when the baby is born. If you choose not to have anyone see you or your kiddo while in the hospital then so be it. Especially since you are not married yet. Mom gets to decide. After married dad gets half that choice. Stick to what you decide and do not ever feel bad about drawing that line. Your fiancée needs to support you also. Unless he feels you are being unreasonable (and he may) but that’s between you and him.

Put your boundaries down and if they dont like it then tough or they will always walk all over you, family or not dont mean you have to like them around all the time

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Lay down some rules. Your house. Do as you please. Make boundaries and stick to them. If they don’t like it… tough.

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You teach people how to treat you! Grow a pair! Make some rules and give them a copy

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Oh honey… Your home. Your rules.
Set your boundaries. If your fiance won’t back you up, maybe you need a new fiance.
It’s time you had a family meeting & put your foot ALL THE WAY down.
Nobody invites themself to my home bc I don’t tolerate it. Lol.
Try to explain nicely & expect them to get upset… If they don’t get it, be assertive. If it takes getting ride, do that. If it takes a strict NO VISITATION policy, do it.
Your home should bring you peace. It’s not required to be a hotel.

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Put boundaries and rules in place. This is my home, my child, so therefore my rules, don’t like it then stay in a Motel. Easy as. Also why isn’t your partner stepping up and saying something?

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You and your spouse (spouse MUST be involved and on board) need to set boundaries now and stick by those boundaries or else prepare for years of this and more/worse behavior. How they react to the boundaries you BOTH set will determine how the relationship will proceed. It is very important for your partner to deal with this and not you alone. These are THEIR parents after all!!

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You are not alone , you have your inlaws !

The hard part is setting boundaries and then sticking to them. When your baby is born you’re going to have to tell them no! And probably a lot. Don’t cave!! You need your peace and sanity and time to recharge. You owe them nothing. Talk to your SO and tell him how you feel and ask him for the support. Because if they can’t respect you and what you want and need, you don’t need to be around them. It’s extremely toxic behavior on their part and you need to protect yourself. Worst case scenario you have to leave so you can get away from them all. If your partner doesn’t support you on this, then he’s toxic too.

GIRL!!! I just moved 7 states away after 16 miserable years with a toxic family that I wasn’t even married into but I have a daughter with!!! I pray for you that you get away and fast I don’t know how many more years it’s going to take before I can completely get them out of my mind I felt and feel everything that you are feeling. My poor daughter is 14 and she’s had the most toxic life and I’m a horrible parent for letting it go ahead as long as I did🥲🤬

Set Boundaries and make them follow them, they have no choice!! If he won’t put his foot down, you need to do it. My inlaws have full control of my husband, but they don’t pull it with me.

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It sounds like you need to grow a pair as we say in Texas set some rules before your baby gets her or it will be your life forever and you don’t want that .

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Omg thats just crazy. Your pregnant and don’t need this. Just simply say NO. I would personally cut out anyone that made me feel that bad u dread having your baby and getting up in the morning. Just cut them out of your life. Stand up for yourself. I cant believe your partner would allow this to happen knowing how u feel.

Take your ass to your other family n they won’t find u home lmao or simply put your foot down n don’t open the door YOUR HOUSE YOUR RULES

Your house…your rules.
Biggest mistake ever is giving in.
You are preparing for a baby.
Uninvite them . Tell that person no…they cant stay there you need the room for the baby.
Get your fiancé to man up and stand up for you…if he cant or won’t stand with you against them…im sorry but your life will be hell with him.
Stay calm…but set your boundaries…no visitors unless you invite them.
No inlaws invading your home and taking over.
When they nag…dont listen. Say no and walk away
If he doesn’t walk with you…you know where you stand with him. Let him stay with his mom and you make a peaceful life for you and your baby .

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Grow a set and run like hell.

Cut ties…no one needs those toxic people in your life.
You and your fiancé and your baby is your family!
If they have keys to your place change the locks and move on!

A black snake whip and the first one that opens their mouth, shred their arse with it.