If that’s an actual question, that you are asking, he clearly has some issues, you aren’t his mommy. If he doesn’t have good hygiene practices yet, you need to move on.
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Withhold sex and see if he gets in the shower. If that doesn’t work, I would run! Just saying.
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Does he brush his teeth?? I havd so many questions
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You’re not even married to this guy yet but you already carried this burden how much more living with him 24 hours a day 7 days a week? Think it through before making big decision.
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Unless you’re both 14 years old, it’s time to find a grown up man. It takes minimal time, costs very little, to be clean & show respect in your appearance & hygiene.
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You approach like this: get up, walk out the door, and don’t look back. If a grown man can’t take a shower, he won’t take care of a LOT of things in life, as an adult. RUN!
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to view this from an outside perspective it sounds like the man has a lot on his plate to be honest. two jobs, a son, and a relationship…being checked out mentally where you are on autopilot is a thing; not to be negative but it sounds like a bit of depression but i do give the guy props for going out to dinner which is making an effort to me. of course, it is a health concern when it comes to personal hygiene, yes but let’s be adult about it and not do ‘hinting at’ at the underlying issue; he seems exhausted…maybe draw a bath for you two and make it sexytime and show him how to unwind. i wouldn’t view it as him “refusing” or “not listening” because honestly trying o control this isn’t going to help anyone. if it were my partner i would approach him " hey babe i know you have been working so hard and balancing a lot. i drew us a hot bath/shower wanna join me for just 30 mins? i want to make sure you have some time to unwind and reset." & have some alone time pampering each other. i approach with a solution not just buying him deodorant…reverse the shoes here…if your guy just gave you perfume/ deodorant i would be offended if they didnt feel comfortable enough to see how i am doing…especially if i was neglecting my own health. just take my view as a different perspective and not jump ship just yet…trust me, smelly pits arent a huge deal…i would even suggest offering to help do laundry every so often; ultimately when we see our partners struggle we want to help when they are overwhelmed so we have to lend a helping hand and get them back up on their feet. this whole “that wifey duties” is kind of juvenile; when we love/care for someone we help…as long as they learn how to help themselves too.
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Nope. I’d defo be breaking up if it was me. Defo a deal breaker. I’m a bit OCD with clean.
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Nope…could never be with a man who isn’t clean…I don’t even want to imagine the smell from down under 
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Was he like this wen u guys started hooking up 6 months ago if so then well u can’t expect to much from the man if it’s a new thing then u guys need to sit down talk and find out y cos that’s pretty gross under our current circumstances not to say gross in general… Sorry not sure how u can approach this without upsetting him if u already did the sneaky I got u a present with bodywash card
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i suffer from allergies, one of my triggers is body odor. There is no excuse not to have a shower and use a cake of soap or body wash (even the charity services provide these items and showers for people in need) and to have his clothes washed regularly.
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seems a little odd maybe Suggest showering together? and if he avoids that! sit him down and talk, theres obviously something else going on and maybe he just needs some support to get through it
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Honestly, you don’t unless you’re into working on projects because that’s A LOT to unpack!! Did I say A LOT?! You can’t help where help is wanted. Sounds like a deal breaker!
If he didn’t want to be smelling good when you first met he isn’t going to later. You can’t change a man. If you don’t like him as he is and a gentle chat changes nothing you need to move on because you’ll be having a battle with him forever.
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Do you every just think to yourself this is why he didn’t have a girlfriend in the first place. Good luck with that one.
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I used to be with someone who never brushed his teeth and you could see the bulid up on his teeth and he had a bad diet and would get mad when i would ask him to brush his teeth. Like i can SEE THE CRAP ON THEM. So gross 
I really didn’t understand how or why he couldnt take 2 minutes to look after himself and have basic hygiene?? I’m talking going days and days without brushing. And he lived in filth. Never cleaned up after himself. Glad i got away from that.
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My neighbour working Homes restaurant and clearly doesnt shower before work and goes to sell food comes home in the evening and still doesnt find the time to shower a good embarassment will send they nasty ass straight to bathe
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He Sounds like a slob. .with poor hygiene. Shower or hit the road dude. U shouldn’t have to tell a whole man to shower.
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I’d be bit more concerned he doesn’t change his clothes maybe buy him a new shirt and trousers boxers as if he’s always in his work stuff maybe he can’t afford clothes and ask if his washing machine broken don’t seem right if working in bar that he don’t wash and change
I wouldn’t be sharing a bed with him or kissing him he needs to shower it’s gross he’s not
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and i assume you have sex with this man? oh lord and oral sex must be pure joyyyyy. omg, you peek under the door and he’s sitting on the toilet with the shower running? Time to tell him to piss or get off the pot. He should want to have good hygiene for you.
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Try having a shower with him and having a little “fun”. If this is trauma based you may have to help rewire his thoughts around water/bathing to happy/positive thoughts.
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Will you let him go already and work on improving your confidence to know you deserve better. You are not his mother. All the warning signs are there for an awful future. Walk out and never look back. You’ll get over it quicker than you think.
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Cost nothing to be clean…tell him he may have a problem…if not tell him to use the soap …or find someone who will…
Back when I first met my bf he wasn’t the greatest at showering often enough… (he showered just not as often as his armpits said he needed to 
) but I just started to tell him… be like 
I think you need a shower… you smell weird… sounds mean but 
If mine walks over and tries to hug me or something and I smell an armpit or something I just say “Eww… I smell your armpit… you need a shower.” He’ll say “Yea I know I need a shower.” And shortly after he’ll usually take one or at least put on deodorant again if he doesn’t have time to shower at that exact moment and then shower when he gets time. We’re all human and we all smell at some points but you have to be able to recognize when ya stink and need a bath. If you start telling him and he still doesn’t… that may just be how he wants to be and you may have to decide if you can deal with being with him or not. Good luck.
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Uhhh you need to be blunt. Tell him to shower daily! Also if he doesn’t g have good hygiene, it can affect your health too. Watch out for bladder and yeast infections if you are sexually active with this man!
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He might have depression , I was like that my hygiene levels were out the window , u might have to have a quiet word with him see what is bothering him and get to the root of his problems , he might just need someone who will understand what is going on and not judge him xx
Buy body wash/shampoo set and say that you love the smell of this body wash/ shampoo set. Maybe he will start showering more.
My daughter married someone of lesser hygienic standards than herself and l don’t know how she can deal with it.l want to buy the gallon size DAWN to remove the grease! I have never seen his palms of his hands clean!
First of all if you have to fight with dirty Joe to get him to shower that’s a problem also they make waterless soap and he can sponge bath if he is that afraid of water there are ways to get clean trust me I’ve worked in health care you can be washed without being emerged in water it just works better if you are!
I think he needs to see a doctor, I think something deeper is going on, I have depression, I’m going to expose myself but because of having depression I can go weeks at a time with showering/bathing… I do keep underarms shaved and keep deodorant on… now I’ve never had family members or friends say that I stink or smell… but keeping up with hygiene is hard when depression is involved… it’s got to be that and or he’s had some type of trauma when it comes to water.
I grew up with 5 brothers and most of them did this for their high school years and fortunately grew out of it. It’s an extremely immature habit and I’d reconsider the idea of being with him for a while. There’s a lot to be said about not taking care of yourself
I mean. He might have a great personality and all but thats gross and i think you should be straight up with him and let him know that hygiene is important. Maybe offer to take a shower with him so hes excited and then hand him all the soaps and a new loofah and scrub his back and let him scrub the shit out of himself. Or tell him you get UTI’s from him because hes not clean enough or something. I dont know. If he is depressed which is a possibility then i would approach him a little more gentle and run a bath, make it feel romantic maybe, light some candles, hop in with him, talk to him, play music, drink a glass of wine, whatever. Make it special and help him get clean. Love is love and you should absolutely feel what you feel for him but if his hygiene is an issue for you then it always will be and if he doesnt understand or try to fix it then the relationship wont last unless you accept his lack of hygiene or he accepts your hygiene expectations. There has to be a compromise somewhere.
I would be sooooo GONE! Sex would be totally “OUT” of the question…period!
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First off make sure you’re not just saying you see a future with this guy because you feel he is the only one out there wanting you. Second if you noticed the smell after a few dates I think that should have been been huge red flag. I had an ex that didn’t brush his teeth or didn’t really like to shower. I would force him to and even showered with him so he would. After a while it got tiring of having to take care of a child so I just left. If I were you I would definitely call it quits if he really isn’t getting the reason behind the axe stuff. Unless you truly want to be visiting your gyno way too much.
Id be honest. I understand the struggle especially since I suffer from depression if it is that but obviously hinting it isn’t working so be straight up.
I mean I’m not going to lie if I was dating someone that was stalking my shit even in the bathroom, I would want to stink maybe it’s for the better. Also been accused of this but when you work non stop and live with not only psoriasis (yes that shit hurts when water touches it) as well as epilepsy (extreme tempature changes instantly throw me into gran-mals, Try one in the shower it’s bundles of fun) then yes you skip showers. Luckily I have a woman who loves me and understands.
It’s something called love, Maybe this guy isn’t showering cause he is working three jobs to support your salty ass self and make sure that you’re happy. Maybe he feels defeated cause he feels bad about himself or maybe just maybe it’s his choice cause he’s a grown man with 3 job’s and he is allowed to do whatever he pleases.
You want equality next time you go on a wine binder and get so sloppy that no one wants to even be around you, Remember who bought you those drinks, remember who drove you home and took care of you, Remember that even though he had work he stays up with you on the phone eveey night until you fall asleep… or forget everything I said and just date a women.
~Proud guy with dirt under his nails.
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My first opinion is he is not mentally healthy for a relationship right now.
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There’s a huge link between child abuse and hygiene problems. I would definitely approach this really carefully but it sounds like he is struggling there- I don’t think it’s laziness it seems like there’s a fear of it. Lots of abuse happened during bath time etc it can be massively traumatic for people. Maybe find the right moment and ask him in a kind way (not about abuse!) and depending on his response take it from there… it could take years for him to work through this stuff so just depends how much you like him! X
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He could potentially give u a UTI if he doesn’t keep his junk clean. I wouldn’t want to be open mouth kissing either. I don’t even let my man get into the bed with washing his feet first!
What you are describing is beyond disgusting Call him out, if he gets heated and nasty with you I’d say it’s time to move on to cleaner pastures!
Deal breaker for me…
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Maybe gently raise the topic of his hygeine and before tricking him or forcing him - perhaps investigate if there is some underlying problem going on there? Maybe he is homeless pretending to be someone else? Or maybe he has something else going on? Find out and if the answers don’t satisfy you then decide whether it’s a deal breaker or not. But do it openly and honestly (and tactfully, with awareness it could be something traumatic or shameful). Good luck. P.S. have you tested to see if the water at his house is hot? maybe he can’t afford to pay the bills for hot water ?
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He should wash and clean his teeth it would be awful for him and you if you take him to meet friends or family they would obviously notice but the worst thing is it could be a danger to you if and you probably are sexually active there is something called smegma which collects on his bits and it can cause cervical cancer
He should alway keep that area clean,
If you have been together six months then you should be able to tell him right out to get a shower or a bath and to change his clothes and if he doesn’t want to I would definitely not be staying and putting yourself at risk
Google what I have said and show him x
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Try an honest talk and if he gets angry and doesn’t see why he should practice good hygiene then dump him now because you will only be hurting yourself later on when things get harder.
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I suffer the same problem, I hate showering. I do strip wash occasionally. I use wet wipes for hygiene.
I have underlying issues.
No matter how much I want to feel clean it doesn’t help me with getting in the shower.
Sexual abuse is my problem. I do not smell as I’m lucky enough to not have a body odour.
Be kind you never know what a person has been through to get in that position.
I was married to someone like him. He didn’t change his underwear or socks every day. He worked in a machine shop and had metallic shavings under his nails which made his nails look filthy all the time. He smoked and his beard smelled like stale cigarette smoke. The worst was he didn’t brush his teeth every day. His mouth smelled like dirty underwear. I couldn’t stand kissing him or making love with him. We actually went to counseling over this and the Counselor told him it was normal American hygiene to expect someone to brush their teeth every day. He rolled his eyes at her. After five years of arguing over his lack of cleanliness, we separated and eventually divorced. So my advice to you is he’s not going to get better, and will probably get worse. My ex also used to sit on the toilet with the shower water running…like he’d melt if he stepped in. You need to decide if you can live with a person like that.
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if he won’t shower he needs medical attention first to determine why he isn’t taking better care it’s mental needs help
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You like this man and see a future with him? His hygiene should be a complete turn-off. Sorry but your standards are low. I hope you haven’t slept with the filthbomb!
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It also might be a mental health issue like depression or anxiety.
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How do you sleep with this guy? That would make me run Give him a choice shower or see ya. That would be your answer before.you marry someone that doesn’t care what you think. I wouldn’t be seen with him and I’m sure everyone is talking about him
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Uhhh . Hopefully by not sleeping with him bc… ew. Maybe then he will take that hint and run with it… straight to the shower.
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How are in interested in someone that doesn’t bathe? To each their own, but uh no…pass!!!
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Try an initiate a shower together if that doesn’t work be honest with him
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Someone I dated briefly never brushed his teeth, he stayed at my house for 3 days straight once and didn’t brush his teeth I brought it up with him and he denied not doing it yet he had no Toothbrush at my house and I put mine away everytime I used it. I told him to brush his teeth or I wouldn’t kiss him. He brushed them for a week then stopped. Long story short I’m no longer with him for that reason and other reasons too 
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That’s nasty . A grown man refusing to shower and turning the shower on “pretending” to be showering…thats child play . Don’t “sugar coat” anything tell him he smells funky. I have to tell my 15 yo son to shower everyday but a “grown” man?! I can’t imagine what it’s like to be in your shoes . Well wish you the best
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Either this man is lazy or is having difficulty with taking care of himself.
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If he’s doing two jobs n maybe has exhaustion /depression he can’t maybe do routines like showers …try talking to him n getting to the root cause of it …he is probably a lovely guy n you showing him support may fix the issue x self love usually goes hand in hand with self care xx
Maybe sit down and have an honest conversation with him its going to be little awkward but once its done he will be superfresh after that every day😅
Just tell him he smells bad I mean no one likes to be given body wash as a surprise gift just tell him the truth you think he doesn’t look after himself very well be honest bout it
Just give him a tide bath and he’ll get the hint. Aka handful of tide to the face, followed by a bucket of ice cold water
Even if its due to depression call his ass out. I have manic depression and can go a week or longer without a shower during a manic episode but my husband calls my ass out for it because i stink. He will literally tell me he can smell me and ill go get a shower regardless of if i feel like it or not and yes i know everyone handles mental illnesses differently but still, tough love works when it comes to shit like this. Also don’t sleep with him until hes washed the crust off his balls cause thats literally inviting an infection into your coochie.
Maybe allergic to water? Who knows, spice it up maybe and say come for a shower with me or go to beach, if he says no to that then you got to be upfront
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Girl you are gona end up with some severe thrush keeping that up.
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This is just the first red flag. If that’s how he is about his personal hygiene. Then I could imagine it’s slipping in other areas too. Let’s not even get into the discussion about the importance of him being clean down there during intercourse for YOUR safety.
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How can you stand to stay with a man who’s hygiene is so bad ??? What a turn off…I wouldn’t stay with this kind of a man. It says a lot about the way he must feel about himself…I see very low self esteem. Move on…you can do much better…
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How can you even have sex with him if he smells? He obviously isn’t washing his privates if he’s not washing elsewhere so that would definitely stop. Just tell him unless he washes every day then it’s bye bye because I wouldn’t put up with it.
At this point, there are over 900 comments here. I don’t expect whoever wrote this to even see mine, but I’m saying this regardless. There are clearly a ton of heartless people here, and massive amount of people who should not be giving any advice because they have zero clue what mental illness looks like. This man is mentally ill without a doubt. By reading your brief description, this guy needs more than a shower. He needs medical help from the appropriate sources. This screams depression, but it could also be bipolar disorder, or a number of other ailments. It could even be a combination. A lot of people will tell you to run, and that would be understandable, to a point, but if you care about this person, talk to him. Be honest with him, and see if he will even be open to seeking help. He may not be, and that’s when I would say you should cut ties. However, he may just need a caring person to push him in the right direction. This will not be easy for either of you. People who do not suffer from mental illness do not have a clue what someone who does actually goes through. Even if they see it from the outside, it’s not the same. There are people on here saying there’s no excuse for not taking as shower etc… These people don’t have the slightest clue what happens to a person with mental illness. His is clearly not being treated. This will be a long process, even with treatment. Take it from someone who suffers daily, has hygiene issues, has a medical background, and has lost people she thought cared over her own mental illness. Thank God I have my support system. It sounds like he may not. Good luck.
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Yuck. What’s up with these poor hygiene habits that are trending lately. Like omg, get a grip on life people, and shower daily. End of story!!!
Tiny football
Pants?? And you went out with him?? C’Mon!!! Not even mentioning his hygiene would be a definite deal breaker, but wearing his kid’s pants that do not fit. There’s something very wrong in this situation.
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I think you need to just be pretty blunt about it & keep it real. “You need to shower more.” If he doesn’t further explain his hygiene issues & gets dismissive/defensive let him know that’s a deal breaker for you.
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Is he on the spectrum? Like not being mean but he sounds like he may be
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Ask him why he doesn’t shower everyday?? Be open about it and nicely tell him you’d prefer to hang out when he’s fresh 
Get him to take a shower with you. Maybe a little shower fun. At least thats what you can have him believe anyway lol even take turns washing each other lol
You will eventually just have to come out and say that his hygiene needs a lot of work. There is no other way to make an impression that will work.
I had the same with my ex husband tried the little hints it didn’t work in end I had to be brutal and tell him I didn’t want to go places with him because its imbarrasing and the sex stopped but it worked
See if he’s depressed first. If that’s not the case than your aren’t his mother. His place of employment should be telling him something also.
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This post is a BAD JOKE and nothing else. If this is a real post, you ought to have either changed his disgusting wash cloth… !!! THREE months ago!!! … …. OR dumped HIM. OK!!!
I feel that these platforms are morphing into spaces where some mentally unhealthy people who have nothing better to do… are exercising their distorted fantasies… just for the “utterly meaningless kill”.
I’ve been observing this for some time now… and I hope people will gain more alert presence in order to cultivate at least some measure of discrimination.
WAKE UP PEOPLE.!!!
Do you really believe a sane person would tell you this sort if disgusting story???!!!
Really?!?!?!??!!!
You have tried the soft approach but it didn’t work and he actually intentionally deceived you by pretending to showr…(that brings some other issues to mind ) .you need to now use the direct approach and if he still refuses to clean up then you should walk away because you are at risk of contracting some nasty diseases associated with poor hygiene…itis not a good life style to be stuck in…
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Just tell him if he doesn’t shower then yall can’t have sex because it can cause you to have female problems. And it will eventually. Girl no guys worth a uti or a yeast
Seriously I don’t know who’s nastier you or him . If being subtle did not work than he needs to hear a very loud and clear …. Wash your balls !!! You smell like ass !!
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Too many comments to read through so im not sure if its been mentioned but maybe he’s been traumatized as a child or adult in past relationship i had a fear of the shower/bath admittedly i still did shower but if i wasnt able to be alone doors locked ect i too possibly would have gone without one
You have a stronger stomach than I do…this is a definite deal breaker
You will always be able to hide your money from this old boy…Just put under a bar of soap.
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6 months…. Funky man with no desire to clean himself… and you still with him? Girl bye if you don’t let that boy go…
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This seems more than just a hygiene issue. He may need to see a therapist. Self care is difficult for those with certain mental health problems. So it may be good to communicate to him that you care about him and that you’re worried that he’s not taking care of himself.
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You’ve only been dating for six months? This is him at his best.
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Or u could ask to take a shower together
Wash his hair
If thT don’t work he should see a Dr
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If u see a future worh this guy u will have to adress the problem full on because if it bothers u now give me when I say in a few years it will be the undoing of that relationship …
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If he’s willing to lie about taking a shower, what else is he willing to lie about?? 
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Not washing is how he will get a staph infection. Also, it’s a risk for you getting a yeast infection, which leads to a urinary infection, which leads to a kidney infection. He might not care about how he presents himself to others, or stable employment. Ask him and yourself if he cares about your health and well-being. And if he doesn’t, what happens if say in the future one of you gets seriously ill. Would he bathe you, if you had a broken leg? Would he actively try to improve his hygiene if he did get sick from a staph infection? If he got fired because he is not publicly presentable at work, would he up his game, or be content to stay unemployed and let you financially support him? Can this man child grow with you, or will you be playing the role of his mother? washing his clothes, dishes, towels, and bedding for him? If you got pregnant to him, is he capable of helping you with the child? Or is he that lazy and incompetent that it will all be your burden to bear? I’d be running for the hills girl, this boy is going nowhere slowly.
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A bartender and a gas station attendant you see a future?? Maybe if he bathed more often he cld find better employment opportunities he sounds depressed but you’ll never get him to admit it he’s probably been living like this since forever going to be honest with you I don’t see much of a future not because of what he does
for a living because he’s lying and become annoyed w you about some thing as simple as hygiene
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He should just want to shower and be hygienic 
I don’t know how people can not want to shower?
Wow so many people here saying its due to depression. Maybe he is just lazy. But I would surely not want to smell like rotten fish in depression, it will just make me more depressed than before.
just flat out tell him the truth! actually let him read this and tell him you’ve went to the lengths of asking a support group for other women’s opinions. I mean him not showering properly and using the same dirty wash cloth has got to have your PH balance all out of wack. it’s unhealthy and especially working in and with public like he does he’s bound to bring covid and every flu and stomach bug home being like that.
How do u do it? Yuk. Hygiene is not negotiable.
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I couldn’t see a future with anyone who is not clean.
So not only is he refusing to clean himself even in the slightest, if you are intimate with him, it can cause ALL KINDS of nasty infections with you. Girl, don’t sleep with him until he’s clean. Seriously.
Next time you go to his place, take a basket of bath supplies and a few changes of clean clothes. Then take his dirties and wash them for him. If he is depressed it could help jumpstart a new bathing ritual for him to see how much you care
I have the same issue, but then I talked to him about it and he then start showering and changing he’s clothes more because I told him how I feel…
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Definitely some trauma… showering is as important as eating…or going to work…
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I’m going to say this is nicely as possible. Do you not walk, do not stroll but run as fast as possible away from this man. If he’s like that with his personal hygiene then do you think he’s going to keep your children clean or your house? Do you think he’s going to care about keeping a car nice? Buying you nice new things? No honey and if he’s doing those type of things he won’t do them once you marry him. Just cut your losses. You deserve so much better