Our son has hinted around several months ago that he had a 2nd baby by another woman. We have heard this story in past so wasn’t sure if it was true. Well, tonight I was doing some FB digging and found picture of baby born 2-3 months ago with our son’s last name. After further digging, the mom dated our son but they aren’t together anymore. We don’t even know if he has even met the baby. He only contacts us when he needs money.
Do I leave this info alone until either he or the mother tell us or do I message her to introduce myself and ask about baby? Do I contact my son and attempt to go through him? He has said in past that he doesn’t want us to know any of his other children since we side with his ex when it comes to the grand we know.
We love our son but he isn’t daddy material.
I hate the idea of a baby out there that doesn’t know his paternal grandparents and we would love him as much as we love the first one.
We live in a state that doesn’t have grandparent rights, just for clarification. I wouldn’t dare force a parent to allow us to see her children. If mother is doing her best, I will be her ally.
No advice. I just came to say that I LOVE your respect toward the mothers.
Since he is a piss poor dad, i would send one message to the childs mother offering the relationship with her/child. If she does not want it, drop it
You reaching out would probably mean the world to her 
I think your only chance is to message the mother and hope for the best. You can’t change him and will just hurt yourself trying
From experience of having kids whose fathers parents don’t give a crap I say yes contact her! Especially if she’s a single mom, it sounds like your a loving person, the worst that can happen is she says no. But I don’t think she will.
I would reach out through your son first and if he doesn’t want to help or tell you anything, then I would reach out to the mother. When that baby grows up it will mean the world to her that her biological family made the effort to be in her life! And it will mean a lot to it’s mother too.
I don’t think reaching out to her would be a bad thing. Just introduce yourself & tell her your intentions. That’s really all u can do. She may be defensive or weary at first, b/c of him which is to be expected, so just be very careful with your words. Best of luck to you, I hope it all works out, as u seem like a very loving, respectful, & fair person. Happy Holidays.
My daughter had a child over 20 years ago by a married man. Everyone makes mistakes but I got a beautiful granddaughter out of it. The father moved away with his family and has never bothered with my granddaughter. His loss. My daughter reached out to the grandparents who also chose not to acknowledge her. Their loss. My granddaughter is beautiful, smart, and a child anyone would be proud of. I asked her a few years back if she ever wanted to meet her biological father or his family. She said why would she want anything to do with a father or grandparents that never even sent her a birthday card. The only thing you can do is reach out and leave it in the Mothers hands. Children will learn the truth sooner or later. Your son is an overgrown child who doesn’t accept responsibility for his actions and you don’t need his permission to reach out. Maybe some day he will grow up but children have a right to know who they are and that they are loved. You still love your son despite his behavior.
Stop giving your son money if he’s left home. I left home at 16 and never asked my mother for anything. He sounds quite irresponsible. Message the baby mama yourself, he’s not likely to do it on your behalf and let her know she now has a huge caring family who would love to meet with her and get to know both her and the child. Poor girl. Just do it, you’re missing out on baby time you’ll never get back. 
My daughter was in somewhat a similar situation, his parents reached out and got to meet their grand baby, they adore their grand baby and have a great relationship. I believe that baby has the right to know the family
Reach out to her she might feel the same and not know what to do. If you don’t reach out you may never meet the baby… the sooner you meet him the faster you’ll get to know him and you won’t miss out on any more time
The first question you have to ask is what is in the best interest of the child. And sometimes forcing a relationship is selfish…if your son is abusing substances and blowing off his children…do the children deserve to be brought into that? Especially if they have good mamas whose only mistake was giving your son a chance. Sometimes we have to let go for their benefit and love them from afar. I have been in the same situation…and have thought about going behind my sons back to establish a relationship…but we are only as sick as our secrets…it hurts terribly… but the mamas have made a good life for them…with positive male role models…and sonetimes that is the only way to break a nasty cycle.
From experience i would say to contact her. It meant so much to me that my kuds grandparents still wanted to see them anytime.
I would reach out. As a once single mother, I know I appreciated the paternal grandparents reaching out and making it a point to stay involved. I always said my children didn’t have a father but God made up for that by giving them great Grandparents. Also I just LOVE your honesty about your son and your respect for your grandchildrens mothers. Much love and respect to you !!!
My little brother is similar to your son. His oldest son is 9 and lives in another state- my mom FaceTimes him twice a week, flies out there twice a year, and flies him out here once a year in the summer. This was possible only because she maintained a good relationship with the mother. It’s not anyones fault that the fathers are so irresponsible in this case, but it will change the child’s life forever to know they were not forgotten about.
Contact the mother . Don’t let your son know. She would probably love the support. Let her know up front that you just want to be in the kids life that you’re not planning on taking her child.
I think if you feel a need to reach out, that’s ok. You have a responsibility to your grandchildren, rather the parents feels that responsibility or not. Your respect for the mother or even the fact that you are questioning your boundaries shows alot of what type of person you are! Get to know your grandbabies! Children need all the love they can get! Maybe it can bring dad in the picture one of these! And he will look back & be grateful!
I say you message her.
Go ahead and reach out. Offer any support you can.
If it were me I would reach out to her. He has probably told her horrible stories that are not true so it might be a little uncomfortable.
Reach out and tell her that. Apologize for not reaching out sooner as you didn’t know. Tell her you respect she is the mom and will adhere to her expectations, you just want to know your grandchild and offer any support you can.
As a mom of a 30 year old bio son, 28 yo bio son, sometimes we as moms need to stay out of our son’s business. He’s a grown man, if he wanted you involved he would involve you. As mom’s we try to control their life and thats wrong. We are the vehicles to get them to this earth but its not our job to control their journey.
The situation we have is a little different my significant other stepped up when my daughters stepped completely out. Her grandmother on her bio dads side is still super super involved. When I had a son with my significant other my daughters grandma was just as much there for him as for her. He knows her as nana and is now 5. They both see their nana and Lala (bio dads sister) weekly. Talk to them daily. She is one of their most involved grandparents and I love her so much for loving them both! My opinion is reach out. It could mean so so much and even if she is doing amazing as a mother you reaching out could mean the world to her.
You sound like you’re the best grandma ever. Please reach out and give her the option to know you and let baby know you & vice versa. You deserve it and I’d bet she would love the support.
All you can do is try. Reach out and ask.
I think you should stay out if ur. Grand parents dont have mych rights anyway in most states. Things are bad enough now with your son anyway. When the time is right, you will find out about the other child!!
You are an awesome individual…
I would reach out to her and let her know you want to be in the baby’s life. She may be scared to reach out to you thinking you’ll deny her baby. Good for you for respecting momma and being apart of your grandbabies lives any way you can 
You’re loving grandparents 
Talk to her 
Prayers 
Definitely introduce yourself and tell her you are there for them both and would love nothing more than to create a relationship with them (THEM BOTH)
You can get visitation as a grandmother thru the courts…
As a mother of children who’s father has nothing to do with them I would be leary if a family member reaching out to me. He was abusive & controlling. I’d worry about him using them. BUT I would allow a relationship unless it became evident that there’s anything involved besides wanting to know their grandchild, niece, nephew etc. The children deserve to know that not everyone on SD’s side are *ssholes like him. Try to reach out. Explain that you & your husband don’t agree with his abandonment etc. Don’t get your hopes up. Depending on what he has done to her she might be scared to allow you in. He doesn’t need to know. It’s not his place to tell you whether to have a relationship with his kids or not. He made his decision not to. Stop giving him money. He has to take care of himself & stop using people.
Send the message already I am sure she may enjoy having grandparents if not I am sure she will say so
You sound awesome, honestly. I would reach out and try to secure a bond anyway I can.
I would absolutely reach out! Having kids that are blended (all bio to me) is hard enough on them. Having some connection to family is so important. Introduce yourself and let it open to the mother to choice. Respect goes a long way and you seem to fully understand that. It’s not about your son at all. It’s about giving that baby and her mother all the love and support that they need.
Reach out to mom. So many single moms I know bitch that the grandparents don’t take initiative. So take it! To hell with your son, no offense he’s a dead beat. Be there for your grand babies at all costs. They need SOMEONE on his side of the family to give a fuck.
Contact her yourself and say exactly what you just said. Good luck every child has the right to know their family
I am 19 years old with a 1 year old and one on the way. My boyfriends mother was my best friend but she passed away in a car accident when i was pregnant with my first baby. I wish every day she was here and my son could have met her. From my point of view, i would want you to reach out and try to have a relationship because you may be able to help her out financially or with things she needs. Its not about your son or the woman , its about the baby. And as long as you can provide something positive to that baby even just a babysitter or love or anything its worth being in that babys life! I say go for it. Dont tell your son how you found out who the babys mother was because he may try to hide it better next time. But hopefully he starts to realize how important it is to keep those relationships open.
Reach out if your son is not gonna be a good fit parent he shouldnt have any but still reach out and show all grandbabies your love
I would reach out to her and introduce yourself. Let them know they have a sibling and that you would love to meet them. Let her know about your relationship with your son and how you would resort y her wishes in regards to how she parents and that you just want to have a relationship with the baby ect.
I agree i think you should reach out!
I have a son, I was marred to his father. He dad took off when son was 9 months old. Just After my son turned 1 he filed for full custody after having not seen him, and my son never once uttered dad/daddy. (He wasn’t dad material. I was told I couldn’t have kids and once I got pregnant he started smacking me around). Going through some court dates I found out it was his parents trying to take custody (mind u in the 4 yrs were together they saw us 3x and didn’t know my sons name or birthday and saw him once for 15 minutes at birth). I tried playing nice and allowing supervised visits. They would bring wrapped presents, my son would open them, like them and as they left ripped the presents away and wouldn’t be back for weeks. They enabled their son. Eventually they decide drinking was more important. Visits lasted 2-3 months and they had every weekend and only came 4 times and the 5th time they left and went drinking then tried coming back to visit. Was horrible experience!! But the fact that you know your son isn’t role model material but willing to step up and be grandparents that is AMAZING!!! I tried letting peopleforce me leetting my sons grandparents around and it hurt us both. So the way you do it, optional…we want to be involved as much as u allow, we don’t agree with our son, we will react your wishes…perfect way to go!!
Send the message. Reading this, just stole my heart. I have kids whose daddy arent daddy material either and their grandparents arent doing much either unless daddy does and it would have been nice if their grandparents were like you. Send that message. Let the mom decide im sure she will feel like i do. I have so much respect for you cause not many are like you. Your son can go kick rocks.
Go to her Facebook page and message her…tell her who you are and ask if you may see the child… That she and the child are welcomed in your life…and hope that they will come involved in your life…
Personally I’d reach out to the mom. The worse thing she can say is thanks but no thanks. 
Contact her. Explain everything you just said here.
Contact the babies mum. As a mum of a child who’s dad doesn’t want to know her - I would do anything for her to know that side of her family but unfortunately they don’t bother either apart from we see her half sister as we contacted her mum xxx
I would reach out and see what she says because at least you will know and have tried.
I say reach out and let her know u would like to be involved if she allows it. My daughter has no grandparents bc my mother sucks. It hurts when she says “I wish I had grandparents” so yes reach out.
I say reach out. My kids’ dad is barely involved (not good dad material either) in their lives but his mother sees them every week. I love the relationship they have it’s super special. I truly hope this works out, especially in the child’s favor.
I would say gently reach out to the mama and don’t even tell your son. If he really loved his kids he wouldn’t be dropping babies and leaving them uncared for. He’s just being irresponsible. I love how you’re getting to know your grandbaby and respecting the mama’s wishes. Sounds like you’re doing the very best you can under circumstances that are less than ideal.
You’re an amazing woman.
Same situation my son has a relationship with his paternal grandparents but not his dad reach out to her it may give her some relief to know at least someone in that side cares
Mind your business …before you lose it all 
Reach out and cut your son off tbh. Its hard but sometimes toxic needs to quit being enabled in order to fuel change.
I certainly would NOT give your son money!
I think it becomes about the newest children. I know my son would love if his biological grandparents or other family reached out. He’s not mine biologically. I had specifically made it clear to his grandfather and aunt to call whenever they want. The number hasn’t changed. They don’t. Watching him hurt because not only his bio mom didn’t show interest, but the rest of them are the same, hurts me. They don’t live far. But only you know the dynamic of your family.
Please reach out to her.
If you reach out via FB just know that you’ll prob end up in her others messages for awhile. I’d send messages occasionally so when she does read them she’ll know you’ve made effort multiple times. If someone contacted me once connected to a crappy ex I wouldn’t respond. Maybe explain exactly what you are looking for with the relationship. Ask some questions about the little one and herself not a lot just general how are you? How old is little one etc.
Reach out the baby is your family to.
I would personally contact her and explain everything and ask to be apart of baby’s life
Cut your son off and reach out to the baby mama. I wish my baby daddies family would cut him off and be a part of my kids lives, but they all enable his toxic behavior. At least try to be a part of that sweet babies life.
Grandma gets to choose her life t​:heart:…follow your loving heart​:heart:
So sad you don’t support your son even tho he didn’t have an abortion for said unwanted kid. So many parents would support their daughter tho.
You have an amazing heart. Every mama needs a village of support, especially with a baby that young. Introduce yourself. As long as you respect her boundaries, I’m sure she would be delighted to have your support.
I would reach out to the mum, explain that you don’t agree with his ways but you would love to be involved if she would allow that. Don’t go through your son, he sounds like an absolute POS dead beat and you’ll probably get further without him.
i dont think it would hurt to try n contact the mom tell her ya just found out and talk to her about the possibility of meeting n seeing the child n go from there
It really sucks living in a state with no grandparents right. We live in one and it sucks. Hugs and I would contact the baby momma.
I haven’t read the comments but please message her!! She may not know about you, she may of heard bad things about you… but non of this is the babies fault… you seem like a genuine lovely person xx
contact her directly. your son may need a vasectomy imo.
You should reach out. What I wouldn’t do for someone, ANYONE from my oldest daughter’s dad’s side of the family to be in her life. But his whole family is just crappy, from himself to his sister to his parents. My daughter longs for a relationship with people from her dad’s side, but nobody wants her. For that child’s sake, reach out… And if you have to, KEEP reaching out. Even if you can’t see the child, ask if you can send birthday presents, ask if you can send Christmas presents, anything to be a part of the child’s life… Anything so that in the end, the child knows you cared…
I would send her a private message, and let her know that you are there for any support she may need. And that you would love to meet child. What does your husband think about all this?
REACH OUT my ex has never been apart of our sons life (we have one) and his mother and sister and brother and father have all been there for my baby, and now I have more even tho they aren’t my exs his family still loves them. They are there for birthdays and holidays with gifts for all my babies. It makes a big difference my son still having that family even if he doesn’t have his biological father. And Bc they are amazing my other sons have such a bigger family. More family more love 
Reach out to her. Extend a helping hand. Single motherhood is hard. You won’t have any regrets 20 years from now
Reach out to the mom.
Contact her and keep your son out of it
Contact her ! It could be a total blessing all the way around.
Yes, I would reach out to the baby’s mom and let her know that you just found out about the baby, you don’t agree with how your son is and let her know that you would love to meet her and be involved if she would have you in your grandchild’s life.
Message her, y’all have a right to see the child especially if the mom is willing. Your son needs to grow up, keep it in his pants and start supporting his kids .
I would reach out to the mother. No offense but screw your son. I would rather have a friendship with your grand babies then your son if he’s going to act that way
Wow, what amazing grandparents. I wish my kids dads parents would have reached out to me and helped me regardless of their son, I would have never turned them down but they stand by him in ANYTHING he does. So if he has nothing to do with them, then neither do they sadly. Normalize parents who don’t reward their kids even when they’re doing wrong cause it causes them to continue the cycle and think they’re right, when they’re not. 
It’s your grand baby and is your right to get to know your grand baby if you want to. If he did not want you to reach out to any of his other children then he should not have had any more. You’re absolutely doing the right thing. God Bless!
I would most definitely reach out and see what she has to say!
My friends father was never involved in her life but her aunt (dads sister) found her on FB awhile back and contacted her and she absolutely adores being able to talk to that side of her family now. You sound like an amazing person and I think the mom would welcome you and appreciate that some side of that family is willing to acknowledge the child since the father won’t.
Just wanted to come on here and say that I absolutely love this. You’re an amazing grandmother from your story & that baby deserves that love
I wish my sons “fathers” parent would reach out so I say just reach out to the mom
Leave the son out of it
Definitely reach out and at least let her know you are there for her If needed. He’s just upset he can’t have his way so he is trying to punish those who won’t give it to him
Your son is a deadbeat dad and should be ashamed of himself! I commend you for stepping up as a grandparent!
I would contact the mother most definitely…I would tell her how he has done and how you found out and go from there…I am a grandparent and I would do the same. I would keep my child out of it
contact her. you never know how much she may feel blessed for her child to have grandparents that care
Reach out as a mom of kids with a shitty dad even tho they have a step dad who they know as dad I never stopped his mother from getting to know them
I would just send the mom a message and let her know who you are and say that you heard a rumor it’s his baby and that you would love to be there for her and the baby. If he is not helping her she’s probably overwhelmed and stressed out and will probably love having a helpful grandma!
He’s already mad & won’t help, so bypass him & message the mum.
You could be the connection between the possible brothers so they can have a relationship too.
This is great. I’d say contact the mom. I don’t know about where you live but in NY we have grandparents rights if it ever comes down to that. But hopefully the mom will be kind and allow you to have a relationship
You’re a 
parent too
Reach out to her but do not pressure her in any way. Keep it light and brief. Introduce yourself as his mother, explain that you would love to meet her and the child at some point if she wants to, provide your contact information and leave it at that. She is not required to include you in any way in her child’s life, but it’s nice for you to provide the option. Don’t bother telling your son about it at all–if he is not involved in the child’s life as a parent, then he’s not a part of the equation. If the mother is up for it, you build the relationship with her as you would anyone else that you have just met. Just because the child shares dna with you doesn’t give you any stronger rights with it. (not trying to be harsh, although I do know that it may come across that way. I’m just not sure how else to say it). If you provide the information to her, then the ball is in her court and you’ve done all you can.
Do not go through your son, contact that babies mom.
I would contact her. Let her do with what she wants with your information.