I would say to just make a new family for you and your little one if the father don’t want to be around and don’t want his family to know That is his choice…
7 Likes
You have a life free of interference , they will then have input to things you do
3 Likes
Send a certified letter with sons photo.
Write them a letter, in it include that you had given there son a chance to be the one to introduce his son to them but you can’t wait any longer because no one know what tomorrow holds. Tell them a little about your son and if you are comfortable you can include some pictures. Leave a contact number.
His parents are probably being told your holding the child and if they try to reach out things will go bad. And remember the first meeting with his mum was bad, she knows her son more than she knows u so it’s just natural if he said bad things about you for them to believe her. I think your child needs all the love and attention he can get from his dad’s side of the family
2 Likes
I think that with you blurting out that you were pregnant they already know. With that said. Leave that relationship up to your children. When they are adults. Obviously they didn’t push to meet or have anything to do with your child. So them missing out is on them. And them making your child feel unwelcome, well that is also still in them. You continue to collect that none court ordered child support and you and your boyfriend show this child a real family. One that wants them. Everything else it’s on them.
4 Likes
My eldest daughter’s father left me when I was 5 months pregnant, he decided going over seas was a better option then being in his child’s life
His parents new I was pregnant but never made an effort. When she was born, I sent them pictures and an invite to her Christening and I told them if they were interested in having a relationship with her I would never stand in their way but they needed to let me know so I wouldn’t waste mine or my daughters time. So as in the future, they couldn’t blame me that I kept her from them.
Send a good old message or letter with some pictures they will get the point .
From my experience with my ex, I had did the same thing but he went off and told his parents that “I was a w**** and sleeping around and that I’m pinning my baby on him since I didn’t know who the father was” so I had seen them after I given birth and told them that they were her grandparents, they didn’t believe me so I did a DNA test and after that they were constantly apologizing and started looking for my kids a lot more. It’s up to and what you think is best. Good luck
Can you reach out in a message, phone call or letter? If you can I would definitely do it and if he wants to be childish about it then you can always go to court and get child support.
I say tell the grandparents your son has the right to know them and they may be happy to know they have a grandson. If your sons father gets mad to the point he stops paying child support then that’s on him but he’s not a friend or supportive bc a man who doesn’t take care of his responsibilities can’t be a friend to you.
4 Likes
How can you consider him a “good friend” when he does the bare minimum and isn’t a father?
21 Likes
His mom helped him move, knowing you were pregnant. Leave it alone. They could try and make your life HELL.
17 Likes
I would reach out to the grandparents any way you could and I no longer would involve your ex. But I wouldn’t just show up at their door if you have other means to reach out. Give them the choice if they want to be involved. I’d send a certified letter with your sons picture as long as you know the ex doesn’t live with his parents.
And as far as you and the father, that’s great that he helps out financially but I wouldn’t worry about him no longer paying, that’s what courts are for. Why deny your son or the grandparents a chance of being part of each other’s lives.
If that was my grand child I would want to know!!! Contact them first before you take your kid there though
2 Likes
Just go tell them. That’s what I did and then let them decide.
He’s not a good friend he is the father of your child that doesn’t see his child. Take him to court and get child support the correct way and let those people know they have a grandchild
45 Likes
I have a friend who had this same situation. She confronted the father and the parents after the baby was born and then spent the next 18 years plus regretting getting him involved. After seeing what she went through I would leave things as they are. You may get more than you wish for.
14 Likes
Drop them a letter if nothing comes of it so be it.But if they accept him and want grandparents time then it should be what you wanted your past is regretful and you don’t stand alone but for your sons future is paramount if they want a grandchild in there life is all you can hope for.As for your ex.hes a drop out .Its you your son and paternal grandparents if they were to accept.
1 Like
Just let them know, maybe mail a letter and a pic and they’ll contact you if they choose. Dad’s being childish and selfish and probably do need legal child support.
9 Likes
What’s more important to you, the financial help or boys relationship with the fathers family?
There is your answer
9 Likes
Grandparents also have a right to know if they have a grandchild . I say message or call them directly and ask for a meeting take it slow . His parents may not know the full story or are just simply going by what he has told them . If he gets upset then all well ! If you need to go to court to establish your rights then do so . I recomend go to court so you can be the primary custodial parent as far as child support if he stops paying then take him to court for that ! It’s his choice if he doesnt want to see his child but his parents may want to be involved and they do deserve a chance at making that decision . If everyone turns their back then that’s a choice they made as sad as it is you dont need people around you that wont accept your child. Atleast your child one day will see that you did everything so he can know both sides .
5 Likes
Definitely don’t say anything and leave it alone. He can take you to court and it can get ugly and cause things to happen like preventing you to leave the state if they establish paternity. You might also have less time with your son if they get visitation. Trust me, keep your mouth shut and be happy it’s just you and your son!
13 Likes
Leave it alone. There is a reason he the bio dad doesn’t want them to know. You could be getting yourself and/or your son into a bad situation. Leave it alone!
7 Likes
He no friend plus it his child plus your child right for child support it all about control they have a right to know if they get in touch so b it if not u can close the door u said he pays u that quilt money if there no dv do it u might regret it plus your child shouldn’t b a secret b strong
Write it all out in a very sincere letter that you have no family and it’s not right that your son would have to grow up not knowing any family if potentially he COULD. Hopefully he will have a heart. I’d definitely try and get into contact with them. Dont go through him though. You tried.
I would definitely let them know. Whether its by messaging or showing up on their door step, what they do with the information is on them at least you’ll be at peace and know you at least tried. And if it all goes well and they want to a part of your sons life then thats cool to and you can go from there. Your ex sounds like he has a lot of issues to work through mentally. You gotta focus on you and that baby. Is so cliche but (a closed mouth dont get fed) and its 100% true. You’ll never know and it’ll eat you up until you try. Best of luck with this!
2 Likes
Tell them. U never know how much support they will give until they know about their grandchild
Did I read this right? Did she really call her sperm donor a " good friend" How could you even call him a “good friend” when he has no involvement with his kid. I cannot believe you even said that. All he does is pay money but money cant buy a relationship with his kid. You need help. A good friend who doesnt have a anything to do with his kid wooowww such a good friend he is. I usually never comment on these but that just blew my mind. Unreal Smdh
10 Likes
You need to think long & hard on this one. Like mentioned above, it could get ugly & you could be forced to hand your child to strangers with no supervision several times per month…
If I were you I would either get a custody order in place naming you as the the full custodial parent, & request supervised visits, or I would file for abandonment & get a court order in place.
Then & only then would I contact the grandparents & offer supervised visits for an undisclosed period of time, until the child is completely comfortable being with them.
Yes this will throw a wrench on your relationship with the father, but you need to protect yourself and your child at all costs.
This could backfire on you big time if you don’t a t on custody issues first.
1 Like
You did say, in front of the mother, that you were pregnant and so she is not completely unaware of the possibility regardless of what her son has said. If she was really interested in knowing If she has a grandchild she could contact you.
2 Likes
I would be really careful with that. I would let them be and continue to have my baby to myself without outside courts or whatever getting involved.
5 Likes
Go and knock on the door,but lower your expectations…Tell the the truth,fight you ex in court. You don’t deserve to be ignored like this.
1 Like
I went through the same thing. He decided not to tell his parents until 2 days after she was born. When I found out I was having a girl I fb his parents bc even if he didn’t want to be a part of her life they didn’t decide that. I told them in the message I’m not asking for anything nor do I need anything I’m telling you
I would want to know if I had a grand child. Send them pictures with a letter and let them choose to be there.
3 Likes
Regardless of what you decide to do about the grandparents, you need to go through the courts & get an order for child support. He could be making more $$ than he disclosed and he could stop paying at a moment’s notice. If there is an order, and he stops then cs will enforce it.
3 Likes
send them a letter and tell them about your kid and send them pictures. and then its in their court
Girl you call them up and tell them. Then if possible set up a meet! They have every right to know they have a grand child!
Tell them straight out you got a grand child explain if you half to
Go through the courts for one. And if they don’t want to be involved why make anyone? You got you and you baby. That’s all you need. You don’t need people who don’t need you. 
1 Like
If he stops helping then call attorney general and they will make him pay. And yes call them grandparents or go to their house.
I would leave it alone, they probably know and they’re not interested. Get legal child support though, or give up on him and his family completely unless they reach out because it could do a lot more harm than good. If your son hasn’t met them he isn’t missing out on anything.
2 Likes
I’d send a card with a letter & some pics. Send it certified so you know they received it. Then, the rest is in their hands.
3 Likes
Make sure theres no grandparents rights in your state and theres always court ordered cs of he wants to get mad about it
1 Like
If you are worried about the money loss then you already answered you’re own question
Send a letter with pictures and your contact info.
1 Like
Next time please take precautions!
Wow!
2 Likes
I’d definitely leave it alone.
5 Likes
I say leave it alone.
3 Likes
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I go about telling my exes parents they have a grandchild?
HOW IS HE A “GOOD FRIEND AND VERY SUPPORTIVE” IF HES NEVER MET HIS SON ? How do you consider him a good friend if you’re worried he’ll stop voluntarily providing financial support??
14 Likes
I am a bit confused on why you consider him a friend when he is not being a father to his son. Money shouldn’t be a reason to make a decision on. You can invite his parent out to dinner without your son first . Then if they are willing to meet him you introduce them very slowly to give them and your son a comfortable and safe relationship. If his father stops talking to you over it so what your son deserve to know his family . If they don’t want a relationship with your son don’t hold any bad feelings towards them it is the responsibility of his father and you can at least say you tried and it is their loss. I learned in life family is not a blood line it is a love line.
12 Likes
A few things-
- Go to court and establish paternity, child support, etc.
- Write them a letter with info stating that if they’d like to have a relationship with their grandchild the ball is in their court.
Then drop it.
24 Likes
An emotional and mental connection with his family, is more important then any financial connection honestly. 
And if you really need his help financially. Go to court. Get it legalized and court ordered, you’ll have to do a paternity test and get that established for child support if he’s not on the birth certificate… And contact his parents. Let them know you don’t know if he’s told them. And you’ve wanted to reach out. And have asked him to do so. But have been ignored. So you’re doing so now. Because you wanna give them the chance to be in their grandchild’s life. Even if their son is not. If they’re good people, they’ll most likely wanna be there. Probably upset that their son never told them and cost them Almost 3 years of bonding and their grandchild’s life. Grandparents can be a very important role in children’s lives. Especially if they don’t have both sets.
3 Likes
I messaged the grandmother of my child. She never replied. My daughter’s donor had said I was keeping my child from him, etc. all lies. I reached out to her because I thought she deserved to know and I wanted my child to have her grandmother. But, no relationship ever came. She doesn’t even see “dad” either and he lives right down the road. Long story short, do what you gotta do but don’t expect much. Mamas tend to believe their baby boys.
1 Like
If a girl messaged me, I’d be forcing my son to at the very least establish paternity. Give her a chance. She may be perfectly aware of her son’s behavior and may not respond the way you think. Hey just quickly. He does not sound like a kind supportive friend to me, he sounds like a narcissistic ass that’s in serious need of a reality check.
First of all, if you’re afraid of retaliation then you should haven’t any sort of “private” child support arrangement. You are setting yourself up for disaster. So take care of that. Once you’ve done that, then do what you have to do with his parents. They may want to be involved and its not fair to your child to deprive him of that. I know several people that have a crappy baby daddy but the grandparents go above and beyond to make up for it and the child is the one that wins.
13 Likes
Your child had a right to know as do they. No amount of money should ever be thought of. He’s also not that supportive of his child is a secret. Tell them and let them decide where to go from there x
3 Likes
If you’re happy with your life the way it is- not sharing your child with anyone, not dealing with others opinions on how to raise him- I wouldn’t do anything. I would leave well enough alone.
1 Like
I think thats his desicion. I know it sucks but grandparents could want custody and i wouldnt be willing to gamble that and they could turn it on you and call you unfit for not telling them and bring up you not having family. Idk chances on if they raised a deadbeat dad they arent the grand people you are probably imaginign6
3 Likes
Finding out you have a grandchild that you didn’t know you have is kind of traumatic. Write a letter don’t go to their house.
9 Likes
I wouldn’t say anything to them. They raised a deadbeat, and you want your son to grow up around them? He’s probably better off not knowing anyone from his dads side of the family.
1 Like
First of all go to court, get DNA for proof of Father.Then contact grandparents with proof in hand , an things will go much better. Good luck an many prayers.The child deserved Father an grandparents legally 
You said he’s a good friend and very supportive. Then you say he doesn’t want you to have contact to his parents about said child. That doesn’t sound like supportive or a good friend. Maybe he has a new family , maybe his parents have medical issues who knows . However if the financial support and peace is more important don’t say anything if you can move forward in confidence and also in peace with out his money then tell them I do believe they should know.
5 Likes
What state are you in? In my state state law says you must have a custody arrangement and Child support paid via the state.
1 Like
Well if he’s a good friend and support like you say he should support your decision to let his parents know.
9 Likes
Write a letter and state for medical reasons you need to know of any illnesses in the family tree. Cancer, MS, Parkinson’s, HTN, Cardiac. Anything will help in the future care.
2 Likes
Write them a letter, email or call them. Don’t feel bad it’s their choice you’ve come this far so it won’t be so and if the don’t wanna be in babies life n great if they do. Screw the ex he lost his opinion whn he left u n the baby
7 Likes
Being open and honest though painful and frightening may be the best for all. The child needs to know there is family out there . Most grandparents will quickly open their hearts. You and the child’s father may benefit in many ways with transparency.
I am a grandmother and would be devastated if I had a grandchild I was not aware of and not getting to be a part of their life!
1 Like
I would want to know. I’m a grandmother and I think every child should have grandparents in their life whenever possible
2 Likes
A good friend who has nothing to do with his kid. Such a good friend wow
Go to court about child support. He’s not a good friend or support. That makes no sense at all…
And I wouldn’t confront the grandparents. I would send a message or letter, with pictures. Explain that you are putting the ball in their court. Don’t come off as trying to force things. But give them the information to reach out…
2 Likes
You lost me at he’s a good friend and very supportive…can’t be that good if he doesn’t want to see his son🙄
Wow, please let the parents know they have a grand child and if they would like to meet him although it’s against their sons wishes.
I personally would show up at their home. But you could just send a letter if it’s better for you. They should at least be told so they can choose to be or not to be in your and your child lives. Beat wishes either way.
3 Likes
Believe me … if they allow their son to be a deadbeat, they are not gonna be much either. And should he be a good father rather than a good friend?! 
I am a grandmother and I would definitely want to know either way
5 Likes
Have you ever talked to him about it?
If it is really weighing on you, write them a letter. Get your truth and feelings out there. Then think about it a little more and decide to send the letter.
3 Likes
Let Dogs Lie unfortunately he did not want to step up and imagine the type of heartbreak your child could have if they reject him
2 Likes
File for child support. If he asks why tell him you need the state insurance and other help and then force you to go thru the courts. 
then tell them
3 Likes
Based on the disaster that happened to my sister I would count my blessings that none of them are in your baby’s life. Get it to sign his paternity rights away and count yourself blessed. Remember family isn’t always blood. Surround your baby with loving friends who are his family.
I mean, they know because you already told them during your break up argument. Unfortunately, they don’t care. I know that’s brutal, but don’t open old wounds.
Would you feel better thinking they forgot you have a child with their son, or would you feel better if they rejected your son out right?
His dad needs to be the one to make the connection. Probably an unfavorable opinion, but she already told the grandmother during her pregnancy and the grandmother hasn’t done anything to make contact.
If you know his address, send a letter with some photos?
They have a right to know they have a grandchild on this earth. Tell them. He doesn’t have to be involved for that.
3 Likes
Go through the court, first of all. Then confront his parents. If they don’t want to be part of his life then I say bullet dodged 
my ex isn’t part of his son’s life but he has to pay child support.
3 Likes
Don’t show up at their house,especially not with the kid. Send a letter or something and tell them if they’d like to reach out text or call you and leave your number.
It would be terrible if a bad reaction to the news happens.
3 Likes
Your child deserves to have grandparents in his life too.
4 Likes
just tell them. if he stops financial support then take out child support
2 Likes
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I go about telling my exes parents they have a grandchild?
Some times you don’t get what you want it’s a shame. They might really love your child
Just spit it out… Trust me… Don’t beat around the bush about it !!
Is there anyway you could possibly find them on Facebook and contact them that way
pullup and tell th grandparents
Piece of shit men get on my nerves
2 Likes
Write a letter and post it with a copy of your phone number.
2 Likes
I’d say maybe write a letter
2 Likes
You’re letting your own personal experience cloud your judgement. This is your ex’s family and it’s his business to manage the parents. Don’t go around him. There’s plenty of time to introduce to the grandparents. Father doesn’t want to be in the childs life as far as raising him, so don’t push it. You are in a relationship and if it works out, your child will have a family. This is a closed chapter in your life. It’s the father’s place to bring the parents in
You have no idea what you might be inviting to your child’s current stress free life. They knew you were living together and they can look you up to see if you really were pregnant. They can also see if there’s resemblance. It’s not hard for them to find you or look into it. They choose to believe that’s not their grandchild. Don’t intrude and don’t involve your child in that fight. They didn’t know about you so they probably won’t believe you that it’s his and you don’t need to prove anything to them.
Now if you have to go to court to establish child support at any time, after it has been proven with DNA and it has been ordered, then go tell grandparents and give them a choice.
3 Likes
Ok 1st off, he is not a good man, he has abandoned his child. 2nd of all, go to the court and get it in writing that he needs to support his child because at any point he can just stop and I hope you have made a record of everything he has paid or has not paid 3rd. his grand parents have a right to know they have a grandson.
4 Likes
Get your payments through court, life changes his circumstances will change 100 times over the next few year, new parter, new job, more kids. You’ll get stung.
4 Likes