Honestly you need to let go of your feelings of how they started their relationship and move on. They’re married now, she could be a wonderful blessing to your children if you give her a chance. About the name thing, just tell her (nicely) how you feel and that you would like them to use a different name for her when they are ready. It sounds like she’s just trying to be a part of the family. Don’t hold a grudge your whole life, that’s just torturing yourself.
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I would have a conversation with your dad and tell him to tell her to stay away from you and your children, that you don’t want any drama there and would like to keep the focus on your nana. Tell him ahead of time so he has time to tell his “wife/homewrecker” and let it be known that if she does approach you that you will take your kids and walk away.
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Be the bigger person. Be civil in front of others. You don’t have to like her but she wasn’t the only one in the wrong here. Imo your dad was the worst one by doing that to your mum in the first place. Your mum was nothing to his mistress. She had nothing to lose, he did, yet you’re hating on her way way more than your dad!!! When it comes to ‘pet’ names with your kids and her, politely but firmly tell her that she will not be known as how your mum was known as she’s not your mum. That name will forever be taken. End of.
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You hold yourself with grace, be cordial and spend time with those most important to you while you grieve for your Nana.
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Go a be respectful then leave . without talking to them .but it was just as much your dad fault is it’s your dad wife .it goes both ways one can’t have and relationship without the other .I personally wouldn’t have anything to do with both of them why just blame her he was a willing are it wouldn’t have happened
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Ignore her like she’s invisible if you have hard feelings about her. This is a Sad time for you and your family. Go and grieve. It’s about your grandma. Also … she didn’t make your dad cheat on your mom. He was willing to pursue a outside relationship. My Condolences to you and your family.
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The problem is with your dad
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The funeral is for you, her loved ones. Yes, it’s to honor her, but she’s not there anymore. If you can get through it, do so… But don’t put yourself in any situation that you don’t want to be in. 
Good luck. I’m so sorry for your losses.
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I’m sorry for you. But for respect of your nana you will just have to grin and bear it.be polite,leave as soon as you feel you paid your respect. You be the bigger person. I’ve been to family funerals where family has been so disrespectful ,caused a scene,made the day about them.it was very embarrassing. My nephew s in their 20 s came to my brothers funeral high as kites and behaved very badly,to the point the pastor had to call them out. So sad.
Ignore her. Walk away with your kids. Depending on your kids’ ages I’d tell them you don’t like her and give them a heads up that if she approaches them to just come to you and ignore her. If she approaches any of you, I’d say “we don’t accept your presence so we’d appreciate you leaving us be to mourn our Nana in peace.” And that’s the end of it. Then walk away. You don’t have to “grit and bare” anything. You don’t have to accept her existence. She isn’t entitled to acceptance from anyone. She made her choices, and honestly so did your dad, and now she gets to live with those consequences. You don’t owe her any kindness.
Go in honour of ur Nana and not anyone else. Be at peace in ur heart. I’m sure that is what ur Nana would want.
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Just be cordial and keep it moving. If she tries to talk to you, just give her short and sweet answers.
Give your kids a name for her - keeping their innocence and protection in mind - and consistently call her that when they’re around - so that she can’t do it.
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Keep your distance and if she tries to talk to you tell her that you’re not there for her and walk off
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Can’t believe how many are defending the “other woman”, she knew he was married and didn’t care. They are both as guilty.
You can either be civil with her or be an a**hole and tell her to leave you alone. You don’t owe her anything.
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Honey, you’re going for your nana… you don’t even have to speak to them if you wish not to. You’re going to grieve, not entertain your dad and his pos wife.
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Forgiveness is for you & your peace 
I know that really hurt you but you must move on for you
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My condolences to you and your family. Don’t do anything you will regret later. Be an inspiration to your children. Just excuse yourself and walk away. You don’t have to have a conversation with her.
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Be kind karma will always take care of itself in life
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So sorry for your loss and all you will have to deal with while honoring your Nana. You can do this for your Nana.
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It’s hard when we have grown people that need to be relayed with on how to act, I hope you can go and not have to have a silly discussion while you’re there. Talk to your dad prior if possible, just be the bigger person in the end though. Hugs, I’m so sorry for you loss.
My hard feelings would be with my father. He was the one married to your mother and decided to cheat on her while you’re mother needed him the most. Even though I get where you’re coming from with this woman she had no ties to your mother. I personally wouldn’t be able to get involved with someone who could do that to their sick wife just shows he only cares about himself
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this isn’t just her fault, how about putting some on the blame on Dad. He strayed with this woman while your Mom was sick, shouldn’t he be called down
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I would just completely ignore her.
Your dad cheated on your mom… He is the one that you should truly be disappointed in. (Not saying she’s innocent… But… your dad was the one that stood before God and made promises to your mother.)
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As someone who begged for peace at my dad’s funeral and instead got hit with insane family bullshit, just bite your tongue. The rest of the family shouldn’t have to suffer through your family issues while trying to grieve your Nana. It’s been nearly a year and I’m still cleaning up messes from my mother’s behavior… and she and my dad had been divorced over a decade when he died. She decided to start a fight with my uncle (dad’s brother) at Dad’s funeral and hurt all of my siblings. Got me kicked out of the home I shared with my dad with next to no notice because of her behavior.
I get your anger. But that stuff doesn’t belong at the funeral and shouldn’t be dragged out while remembering your Nana’s life and grieving her loss. Let the family grieve. Grin and bare it and then you can go back to ignoring her AND your father (he’s to blame for his cheating, she’s a shitty woman for trying to replace your mom and make your kids call her the same grandmother name) or you need to move on from what they did and let it go.
OP has the right to feel however she feels. Not a single one of us knows what her relationship is like between her and the step mom. Maybe the step mom is a witch . If she chooses to forgive her dad, that’s OPs choice . She doesn’t have to forgive the step mom. No one has the right to tell anyone else how to feel, how to grieve (sounds like the feelings are attached to grieving her mom) and what to accept . Yes, dad was the other one married, but step mom knew what she was doing . This whole “step mom isn’t responsible “ is BS. I’d walk away from a married man, because I have better values than to help destroy a family . Says a lot about character .
I’d let both of them know you don’t prefer to have any interaction at the funeral. This is about your nana. You will come to terms with your feelings when you are ready. Even if you forgive , you don’t have to interact with either of them. They sound toxic, at least the step mom does, and you don’t need to have any type of relationship with a toxic person .
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I’d make everyone hate her just go there and screw her
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I would have cut my dad off from the start. But the best thing you can do is just ignore her like she’s not even there. If she tries to speak to you walk away from her without even looking at her. You’re not there to patch up the relationship with them you’re there to mourn your Nana and show her your love and respect. Do just that, then go about your life.
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First off, your dad made the decision to cheat. She had zero obligation or vow to your mother. She is scum for what she did, but your dad is the one who broke his vows. You send mixed messages when you allow your dad in your kids lives and call him, but don’t want to speak to her. Your father should be the one setting boundaries, but seems like you didn’t set any boundaries with him. As someone who also lost their mother, i would give my dad and his new wife a big F U and keep them out of my lives. Go pay your respects to your nana and ignore them both, but it’s not fair to only punish one of them for what they did.
First off, your dad cheated on your mom. Not her. Secondly, your there for your nanas funeral, not there for her. Lastly, she was in the wrong for trying to have your kids call her what they called your mom. If I’m being completely honest, I’m not sure i believe that. I think your angry about your mom passing and the fact that your dad cheated, your anger is pointed in the wrong direction. I think you need to heel from the passing of your mom, and start the process of forgiving your dad. Then your relationship with your step mom will fall into place.
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So sorry for your loss!! This is such a hard situation!! You have to follow your heart and do what’s best for you and your family… Do this for your Nana
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She’s the new wife, dads choice. You may end up the new wife one day. You dont have to like her, you do need to be cordial. It’s dads fault too, dont put the blame on her.
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If you condone her during this time that opens the gate to her always being condoned. I’d ignore her completely and the dad if she was near. Your dad will be your dad no matter who he’s with. She will just be no one always. Yes, I’m petty!!
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Just be nice as you can just remember its your Nana’s funeral not a family reuion
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I’m sorry for your loss…but why aren’t you feeling the same about your dad? He knew all the same stuff she did…
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Just remember, if he cheated with her he WILL cheat on her. Her karma is coming.
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You really need to try to get along because your Dad is still your Dad and you need to be as close to him as you can so you won’t regret it later. As soon as you can you would feel much better if you talked this out with a good therapist or Pastor and tried hard to learn forgiveness. You don’t have to like or agree with what happened but you would feel so much better if you can forgive them. What is done is done so can’t be changed. But forgiveness will help you.
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I would make sure she is the most hated person in the family and make her cry and let her know who the real boss is
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I’d be no contact with both of them. Sounds like they deserve each other. Grot your teeth. It’s probably the last time you’ll HAVE to see them
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Wait, did you post this same post last week? I know I saw this real recently or you made this post on a different site. I’m not trying to be insensitive by any means. I just know I’ve seen this post real recently with a lot of comments.
I’m afraid the hard feeling will never go away. Been there. Do the right and best you can do. This is a goodbye for your Nana. Shut out, compartmentalize negativity. Not the time for a smack down!
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Honestly I’d probably be cordial but a little cold. At least that way you can protect yourself.
I don’t waste time being nice to people that have effected me negatively.
I wouldn’t speak to her at all and just be polite to my dad.
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Life is to short if you want your dad in your life grin and bare it out
You put on your BIG GIRL BLOOMERS & BE THE WOMAN THAT WOULD MAKE YOUR NANNA PROUD!
A funeral is no place for hard feelings - give it a week or two, then you & your step mom have it out once and for all. Just remember, YOUR FATHER LOVES HER - SO SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP IF YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU DAD.
If this is the only time you’ll have to see her, for respect of your family and your grandmother, keep it cordial. Bite your tongue. Speak and keep it moving.
He is no longer family. And she definitely aint family. Fuck them.
Why are you only mad at her for the infidelity? He chose to cheat. I think your anger should be directed at the dad as well.
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I wouldn’t be nice to either of them I don’t give a f&ck where we were.
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The more you hold onto the anger and give someone else your power the more it will have a hold on you. I hope you can set your boundaries with this woman and get to a point where you’re indifferent with her. (my opinion comes from being the wife who was cheated on) Boundaries include your children and her allowances with them.
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Honestly if this were me it would go 2 ways and depending on my mood or if she provoked me etc…. Go…. Kill her with kindness as in do not approach her, do not say a word to her…. If she speaks to you, only answer in the most kindest shortest way possible as in letting her know she doesn’t bother you one bit, you are happy in your life and nothing her and your dad did effects your daily life! I would also be this way towards your dad if you are going to be this way towards her they both did what they did! Or you can ignore them completely even if they approach you as if they’re not there and walk away! I don’t know if you speak to them etc as it says you have cut contact. You can keep it that way or reach out to your dad and let him know that you will be there and you would like for him and his wife to respect you and your family and not approach you or speak to you!
I’ve found that taking the high road is always best…it’s not crowded either and the walking is easy.
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Just go there and attend your Nans funeral without any confrontation: your Dad knew the situation but did his own thing. I’d stay independently of your Dad & this lady & while I’d ignore them I’d not have any contact with either of them.
You are the better person hold your head up high for your nan
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You tell her that nothing has changed between you two. You’re there for your family and your nana. That you would kindly appreciate it if she not speak to you or your kids. And leave it at that.
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I think you should be more mad at your dad than her. He’s the one who made the life long promise and broke it. As far as calling her the same thing that your mom was called, I’d tell her absolutely not and she should be ashamed to even consider that. I’d probably cut both her and my dad off if I was in this situation.
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You are going to be there for your nana and her only deal with her the way you feel your nana would want you to
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Are you also mad at your dad? Since he is the one who actually cheated. I’d probably just ignore them. If they say something to you give and quick answer.
Karma is a powerful thing. Once a cheater, always a cheater. If you can, grin and bare it and try to avoid her as much as you can for your Nana. It will be extremely hard to keep your composure but be the better person and avoid her as much as possible. Take the high road.
Good luck. 
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You don’t owe her cordial or respect. Just ignore her like she ignored your parents being married. Not sure I could forgive my dad for that either!! Just wow
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Girl, you don’t owe her shit! Tell her to keep moving. Nothing she has to say matters! Bye bitch!! But hey that’s just me.
I’m so sorry you had to go through all this pain.
I honestly believe that most of your anger is with your dad and maybe you haven’t resolved those feelings and you’re redirecting them onto his new wife (not saying she doesn’t deserve that anger because she totally does).
Maybe allowing yourself to be angry at both and confronting both could help resolve some of your emotions. However, it’s your choice.
For now, mourn your Nana. Ignore her. Mourn your loss in peace
Focus on the journey this year 
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As someone who also lost their mom because of cancer if my dad had done the same thing as your dad I would frel the same way as you.
As far as the woman goes I wouldn’t give her the time of day. If she does approach you out of respect for your Nana in your politest bitch resting bitch face tell her to go away that your are there for your Nana and that you don’t have anything even close to nice to say to her and that it is not the time or place.
I’m sorry to hear od the loss of your Nana and also your mom 
Don’t make a seen at the funeral. Just walk past her. She shouldn’t even be going to the funeral
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I’d make it known she’s NOT your family… I remind my mothers husband all the time he’s NOT MY family he’s just married to her
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But why are you only mad at this women and not your dad? Your dad is the one that had the obligation to your mother and cheated, yes the women may have known but in the end your dad owed you mom loyalty not this women. Your anger should be at both of them or neither of them
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Your dad is the POS not fully her. So I wouldn’t talk to either.
Act like you don’t know her she’s nothing now treat her as such
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You aren’t obligated to talk to her. If she tries to bring anything up then she needs to be told that it’s a completely inappropriate time to have any type of conversation with her and that you’re there to say good bye to your Nana and support your dad. I’m sorry for your loss
I imagine your Dad went through a tough time when your Mom had cancer and sometimes they need someone to talk to about things. Don’t hate her. You are using your anger over losing your Mom against her. Call her by her first name, refer to her as your Dad’s wife rather than your Step-Mom. You may decide that Step-Granny or Step-Nan is ok. Be the adult here and move on. Be civilized and remember why you are making the journey. Youve lost one parent, do you want to lose both?
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Your dad chose her during the most difficult time of yours and your mom’s life and you’re only mad at her? No you don’t either of them anything but don’t make a scene, just try to stay as far away as possible and if they try to make a scene walk away. Grey rock them both. Only engage if it’s your father by himself but it’s not the time to hash out anything because this is about honoring your Nana and let him know that this isn’t the place. At some point you may need to confront your father (not this woman) and let it out. But this is not the time or the place. Hugs. You got this.
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Hit her where it hurts only if she pushes you there remind her and him about how disgusting and vile they both are to of done something so awful to a dying woman regardless if they are even soulmates there’s a time and place for everything and their relationship shouldnt of been made public untill long after your mother’s passing as a respect thing to their children and family:person_shrugging:
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Turn a blind eye towards her…if she speaks to you…you don’t hear her words…only the face of your dearly departed one do you see or hear…
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I wouldn’t be mad or madder at my Dad , he took vows with your Mom and cheated on her , I also would not want anything to do with her either , they would both be in the same boat, yet at your Nana’s funeral you can try and keep your distance from them, if they come have little to say and then walk away out of respect for your Nana, as far as your kids calling her the same as your mom hell no , they wouldn’t call her anything and if you can stand her so much tell your Dad every time she tries to talk to your kids while on the phone with him I’m going to hang up, yet I wouldn’t be able to forgive my Dad for what he had done either , your a better person then me because I would have cut ties with both …
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What would your Nana want you to do?
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I would avoid making an issue but if she tries talking to you I’d simply say “I don’t wish to have any type of relationship with you ever. And the same goes for my kids.”
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Walk away or if up to it. A hello and redirect yourself. You’re there for the honoring of the memory of your Nana. Not them.
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Ignore them both pretend they are invisible.
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I don’t usually comment on posts but let me start off by saying that I am truly sorry for the loss of your Nana. I have a Nana and she’s my world… as for your dad… do you have good relationship with him or is there resentment towards him from when he cheated on your mom? I never had a father in my life so it’s very easy for me to say that 
him. As for the new wife… you don’t owe her an explanation. If you chose not to talk to her than don’t… you go and support your Nana. Celebrate her life and if your dad and his wife want to act like spoiled entitled brats well then:fu:them too
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take the high road be polite, distant call her by her first name and instruct your kids to do the same and always remember it takes two to argue and if she says something you dont agree with or you feel is wrong just walk away dont say anything just leave her standing
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Your dad is as much at fault as her. I be more mad at him.
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I’m going to take a chance in being attacked for going against what seems like everyone’s suggestions. Maybe, just try to be respectful to both. You don’t have to to treat them like family you haven’t seen in a while but you can be respectful. Now, if they choose to disrespect you that’s another thing. Otherwise, take the high road. Not because you have too but because when it’s over and your on the way home you will feel better about how you handled yourself. Especially if you don’t talk to them again for another year you can have peace about the situation.
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Put a happy face on. This is ‘on your dad’ and a time will come when he can’t carry these burdens anymore.; Tell him you are praying for him. If not…be there for him, anyway. He may gain some strength with you by his side.
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Be The Bigger Person! Life is too Short 
You Will Always have your Memories 
Life goes on 
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Grin and bear it. This is about your grandmother not the way you feel about her. I hope that you find away to get past it
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Its about your nana not your stepmother.
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I would straight up say, I don’t like you, I don’t want to talk to you. No games no making yourself crazy trying to avoid them. You let them know where you’re at and you do your own thing
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Just be kind and get threw the funeral you don’t want hate in your heart,for not her forgiveness is always better,and your father did wrong but he must love the woman…hate is never a better option. DON’T give people your power it will consume you not her.
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You can be respectful and still have boundaries. You don’t have to be rude but you also should own your choice and speak up when you feel disrespected and firmly place boundaries. 
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I’m not trying to be ignorant or anything but if you’re already expecting problems by going to your Nana’s funeral then maybe it is best you don’t attend the funeral because that day is about your nana and celebrating her life not about The grudges you have with your family or your stepmom
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Ignore her. See a toxic person, walk the other way.
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You don’t have to talk to her. Don’t make a scene just walk the other way. She does Not deserve any respect. Pretend she is invisible.
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For ur Navas sake play it cool but also it’s not just the step moms issues it’s ur dads to if he really cared for his wife he wouldn’t even looked at another woman it takes two both are in the wrong
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If I were in your situation, I would have cut my dad and step-monster off the minute I found out what was going on and left it that way.
In this situation though, everyone will be highly emotional. I wouldn’t be rude, but I also wouldn’t be friendly. I would keep it simple. If they approach you, exchange simple pleasantries and quickly excuse yourself to talk to another family member, to the restroom or to tend to your children.
Your Dad should have more respect for your Mom’s memory than to have your kids call her the same thing as your mom
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I don’t usually comment either but I just want to share my experience. My parents divorced and there wasn’t any cheating. So that adds another layer to your life that’s different than mine. But my dad met up and immediately married an old flame from high school. I hated her. She was awful. Accused me of being jealous of their relationship, tried to isolate my dad away from his kids and grandkids. They ended up moving 7 hours away. I would visit like once every 2 years and “play nice” for my sons sake and because I did love my dad and miss him. But she controlled the entire visits. She would feel “ill” and ruin any plans we had because she just had to have my dad home taking care of her. Magically she was better as soon as we left. My siblings got the same treatment. It was frustrating. Every time we’d call she would have to be on the line too. In July 2018 we got the phone call that they were both dead. Apparently my dad communicated how much he missed us and the grand kids and wanted to move back to our home town. So she killed him in his sleep and killed herself. If you love your dad fight for him. He might not be worth it, but it sure beats living with so much guilt and regret when he’s gone.
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Shut that shit down! Be respectful, yet making it clear you aren’t interested in her or her bad vibes!