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i had the same situation i tried to be civil and bite my toung but it made things worse so i spoke my mind and ididnt care
Let her see the back of your head .Simple ignore her
If my dad did that to my mom I would never talk to him or her if they just walk away. She’s a pos
Show respect to your Nana, speak to your dad keep it moving. No way she should have ask YOUR kids to call her that special name that is reserved for your mom. Disrespectful
Walk away…talk to other people.
Nasty nice is the way to be. Don’t let her bring you down or make you out to be the bad guy. Treat her civil but let her know under no circumstances is she your mother. Think about your dad and the relationship you want your children to have with their grandfather. You might just have them call her by her name or something different from what they called your mom. She’s not the same person and shouldn’t be called by what your children called your mom. Good luck!
If you don’t go you may regret it.
If she speaks to you just give short 1 word answers.
If she approaches you just say not today this day is about my nana and walk away x
Head up… At some point you have to take your pride and sit it to the side and accept things as they are or you will forever be bothered and burdened with hate. You sound like you have gone through some things and it weighs on you. Rightfully so… If you haven’t already came to peace with any of this, which sounds like you may not have, I suggest maybe popping into a church on a nice Sunday morning with the kids and find peace in the Lord. He has a very special way of speaking to us when we come looking for answers. It will bring some peace to your situation. God bless your family!
Yes. You grit your teeth and bear it. For your Nana.
Speak to your dad, you don’t have to engage with her. At some point you’ll have to talk with your dad about how what happened made you feel. Make it an “I feel…” conversation and not a blaming or passive aggressive conversation.
If she goes in for the hug, you extend your hand for a shake and walk away. No drama at grandmas day is best.
Be nice ! I know it will be hard .
My thoughts are that, for the sake of your Nana, try and keep your cool. HOWEVER, you are not required to forgive, forget, or anything else you are not ready or comfortable doing. If she tries to talk to you, be cordial but don’t extend any courtesy you don’t feel she deserves.
Don’t let her destroy your relationship with your dad that is., if you still have a relationship with that snake and it takes 2 to tango
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avoid them and if she approaches you just say i’m here for my nana and do not care to talk about anything. and walk away
Just a simple shut your dumb a?? Up.
You literally hold your hand up and walk away. #talktothehand
You dad is just as bad cheating on your dying mother yet your gonna be mad at just the mistress I’d cut them both off he is obviously letting her do what she wants with you too
You have every reason not to respect this lady. She obviously did not respect you or your parents marriage, she’s totally overstepping boundaries with wanting your children to call her the same name as your mom. That’s very sickening of her. Make this day about your grandma and be able to see your dad. Ask for some time alone with your dad so you can grieve together. Prayers for your family!!
If she tries to speak to her tell her it’s not wanted and if she continues you will have her arrested for harassment
As much as I understand your feelings ask your self and answer honestly What would your Nana tell you to do?
Hugs honey. I am so sorry about your Nana. Don’t allow them to take you out of character. You have EVERY right to be pissed tf off!!! But there is a time and a place for everything.
Pick a time when it’s just the three of you and express yourself to them.
If you see her coming…walk away. If Dad asks why tell him.
How can you respect him or her when your Mom needed him?
He abandoned her in her time of need. That is dishonorable. I pray you find forgiveness so you can have Peace. Don’t let them steal it. But you don’t have to speak or acknowledge them either. Do what you feel is right.
Been through almost exactly the same. However she had a baby with my Dad so now I literally have to be nice to have a relationship with my brother. Had she not I would’ve cut my Dad off and her completely. If I saw her I wouldn’t even look her way and if she tried speaking to me I’d ignore her.
I’m blunt as shit so personally if she walked up to me I’d just tell her flat out I’m not there for her and I don’t have anything to say to her. Be calm and walk away. Your dad made his choices and he has to learn to deal with your choice of not liking her just like you have to deal with he married her.
get a hotel room and avoid her walk away if she comes up to you
She wouldn’t be with your dad if he wasn’t out looking… I think you need to cut dad off!!!
Walk away from her. Just ignore her
I’m assuming its your Dads mother that passed away. For his sake I’d try to be cordial. Nobody says you have to give her a hug or kiss, but just for his sake I’d try to get along. Js
You ignore the fuck outta her and protect your children. It IS okay to set healthy boundaries and it seems like this person has no respect for boundaries at all. KEEP YOUR DISTANCE (INCLUDING KIDS).
Tell her to fuck off
Just go. You’ll regret it If you don’t. It’s not about her. It’s for your grandma
I plainly say, " Save it, n walk away
Think of it as a last gesture of love and kindness for your Nana. No matter how your dads wife acts you won’t be able to trust her. Attend for your Nana and then leave.
You mad at her because your dad cheated on your mom while she was ill but not mad at him. Misplaced anger, your dad is the one you should be mad at.
If you feel comfortable enough to say a simple ^you both hurt me and I am not in a place right now where I can let go of this hurt for now I am taking the space I need, I am here only for my nana’s funeral " and walk
The best thing you can do is to forgive both your dad and his wife. That is really hard and probably the last thing you want to do. Unforgiveness is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. Forgiving them is not for them, it is for you. It will help you heal. I hear that your heart is really hurting and I understand that. Be kind to yourself. Just be as pleasant as possible and do it for yourself and for your other relatives. God loves you and He will be there for you.
This about your Nana not you or her….so respect you Nana and be cordial … if you can forgive your dad for dishonoring his vows and disrespecting his family for cheating you can definitely forgive her
I’m so sorry for ur loss…and so sad that ur dad broke his wedding vows…wrong on so many levels…but if she trays and talk to u…kill her with kindness…dont let her win…just tell her to leave u alone and never to speak to u again…there is a time a place for everything and a funeral is not the place…dont let her get to u…shes a horrible person and karma a bitch…and God knows what she did and is doing…b the bigger person and don’t let her hurt u more then she already has…sending u love.strenght and prayers
So you’re mad at her for getting between your parents. Honey, your dad knew he was married, your dad knew your mom was on chemo. The one that needed to respect your mom was him. You’re mad at the wrong person.
However, best thing you can do is be polite. I mean you forgave your dad and obviously speak to him, so why hold hate towards a woman that was invited to the marriage?
First, I’m so very sorry for both of your losses.
I’ve been through this same situation. My dad got married a few months after my mom died with the woman he had an affair with for 30 years.
My question is… what was the conversation between your mom and dad when she was sick? She may have told him to go live his life. Or, maybe she didn’t. That’s what the story doesn’t tell. I’m not saying what was done was right, so don’t misunderstand what I’m saying
If you hate her and don’t want to deal with her, I would just walk away. She’s truly not with worth the emotional upset. Especially, during this time. She’s truly not worth the time with how you feel.
Ignore her like you ignore satan. If you don’t ignore satan, then act accordingly.
If you’ve forgiven your father you should also forgive her. While what she did was wrong, in the end, she did not owe your mother any loyalty. Your father did. Either avoid them both entirely, or be cordial and respectful and keep things short and sweet.
Life is short! Do you want your dad to be part of your life? Then a different perspective is the only way to make that work! I know your mad but do you want to give your dad up? For me I would still choose my dad! I know my mom once over the bridge would see it differently also! Maybe even have a long conversation with your dad about what was going on and why he chose to have a friend on the side and how he was feeling about knowing his wife was dying! People cope in all kinds of ways! Your dad is human not a super hero like we all like to see our dads! I hope you can open your heart enough to give him the chance to explain and for you to explain how you felt about all of it so you both can start healing your hearts!
I would avoid her and ignore her. How heartbreaking for your mom to lose her life mate at that most difficult time.
Arrange for a second hole to be dug. Push her in. (Kidding…but I’d grit my teeth for my Nana and steer clear of her)
Be polite and civil to her when you see each other. Your Dad is as much as fault as she is with their relationship during your mothers illiness Afterwards you don’t have to see her again unless you want to. Not sure what your kids called your mother but there are plenty of names they can use if they want to refer her as such. (Meme, Mamma, Mima, Nanna, ect.
The day is about your Nana neither one of them. Just ignore them if they should approach you and try to start any conflict just reply now is not the day or time for this. Sorry for your loss.
Be nice, but put a laxative in her drink
You aren’t going for time with your dad. It’s out of respect for your Nana. I can feel your hostility but the Step shouldn’t be allowed to interfere. Speak with your father and ask him to keep your feelings in mind. The loss you are going through should be more important to consider than his new wife’s feelings. Respect is not just given., it MUST be earned. Be the better person and just stay your distance is she attends. My deepest condolences and prayers for you and your family. Be strong for your children and always be honest with them.
be the bigger person
I get your anger 100% but my question is do you hate your dad just as much? Yeah she is a crappy woman for being with your dad but she isn’t the one who made a commitment & life with your mom & your family he did. Just something to figure out at another time. Trust me it takes a loooong time to forgive a family member that betrayed you & sometimes never happens. Anyway as for the funeral I say definitely go. You need to be there for you, your Nana, & other family members…you’ll regret it if you don’t. You don’t even need to talk to your dads 2nd wife if you don’t want to. Good luck with all of it whatever you decide to do & I’m sorry for your loss
No you tell her your mother is their grandma and that they can call her something else she will never be your mom and that’s OK if she is good to your kids let them have a relationship that’s unique to them
Be cordial. Nothing more, nothing less. When my dad passed I had to deal with family I said I would never speak to again. Well I did, not for me , not for her,out of respect for my Pop. Say hello, and walk away. Short and straight to the point, without ugliness. Honor your Nana in the most adult, respectful way you can.
I mean either both your dad and this woman are dead to you or you move on and forgive. Your father is the one who hurt you and your mother- she was just the woman he chose to do that with.
You have every right to feel the way you do. Just be as civil as you can and set the boundaries you need.
Walk away have no conversation she wants to upset you.
your dad is the one that made promises to you mother to be faithful that being said any woman who would have an affair with a man whose wife is dying has no morals or conscious and i would keep my kids as far away from her as possible but at a funeral i would be polite but distant
I agree with Tina Martin.
You are angry at the wrong person. Your father is the only one who owned your mum and family loyalty and not his girlfriend. For all you know she was told a different story. And just maybe your mother encouraged him to move on. Condolences for your loss but for the sake of Nana be the bigger person
Just do what my Son in laws Brother does to me… Stay on the other side of the Room. NO LOL… my Condolences to you and your Family ( Children).
Forget about her and focus on your Nana because it’s all about your Nana, not her. I’d blame your father because that’s a new low for a supposed “husband” to do that to his wife. Your father wasn’t there for your mom when your mom needed him most. What your father did was unforgivable and messed up, but go to the funeral for your Nana’s sake. If she starts talking to you, avoid her at all costs. As I’ve said before, focus on your Nana because your Nana deserves that respect
Kill em with kindness for your Nana. After the funeral just go your way away from them.
I’m sorry you feel this way. You need to recognize that it took 2 people to cheat and your dad, being married at the time, holds most of the responsibility for that. Life is too short to hold into anger and resentment. Let it go and enjoy the time you have with them.
I would go to the funeral and be cordial to everyone there. You don’t have to address any issues or feelings. Your Nana deserves a peaceful funeral. You are certainly not obligated to be friendly with your dad’s wife, but I wouldn’t cause any kind of scene. If she comes up to you, you might say, “Oh, hello, I’m sorry I can’t chat right now, I promised my Aunt Sue that I’d help her gather up these cards…”. Anything to politely extricate yourself from any conversation. A funeral, especially of someone as close as a grandmother, is no place to hash this out. Cool and classy would be the best move in this situation.
oh! Same Thing! I agree with Jill,
Its not about you tat day get over yourself for 24 gours…then revert back to hate or dont interact with her…
I would just say hello and not give yourself anymore heart ache. Try to ignore her to the best of your ability. Go and try to act in the way your Nana would’ve wanted and deserves solely for your peace of mind and your Nana’s memory. I’m sorry for your loss.
Ignore her unless she speaks to you. If she tries to reintroduce yours kids calling her grandma you simply say this. “It’s disrespectful to my dead mother to allowed you to take her place and I won’t allow it. My kids my rules if you don’t like it just don’t speak to us it’s that simple.” Being hostle makes you look like the bad guy even if you aren’t. Just set your boundaries with her and set them with your dad. If they can’t respect it then that’s thier loss
This isn’t a time for drama. It’s your time to put your nana to rest.
At least have the respect and decency to put on your big girl pants and act like an adult. Do what you need to FOR nana and you. Leave the drama at the door. If they try to confront you in any way, just tell them you are here for your nana and that you’ll speak to them another day.
Also, unless it was communicated that your dad cheated… maybe talk to him AFTER, like at a future date… and actually see if it was as it appears. Because some people going thru a sickness and are close to dying actually want their spouses to move on and find happiness. Some find it messed up. But, unless it was already communicated, you don’t know the entirety of the story… your parents could have had an agreement.
So after you’ve put on your big girl pants and get thru paying your respects to nana… you keep those big girl pants handy, because at some point, you’ll need to face your father and step mother. If you run from problems, you’re only teaching your kids that its okay to run from things rather than face it head on.
Its hard but its a good lesson to learn at any age. Better earlier than later tho
I know a woman very much like this - ignore her completely- it will drive her nuts for u not to acknowledge her. And if that doesn’t work throw a fit, make a scene and let her know what’s what
Not the time and place for confrontation so I would go and pay your respects to your grandmother and keep it moving. Don’t pay her any mind
You grit your teeth & bear it ! If she tries to talk to you you act like a mature well adjusted grownup & be polite & accepting of her …
Do you wish your Dad was single & lonely ? Do you think she was and (& is) an emotional support person for him while losing his wife ? Do you understand that people come into our lives for a reason & that your dad may have “lost it” without her ? Think deeply on this one … You never know what you’ll be faced with later in life - someone may show up to save you - she is that person for him …
You cutting ties doesn’t just affect her - it affects him & you & your kids & your extended family !! Grown up & be a mature woman … It’s not your place to say who or what helps your dad deal the the loss of your mother and keeps him from being a lonely man …
As for the name your kids call her - it most certainly can be something different than what they called your mom - you & the kids should decide that one …
You are control of the situation. Be kind, courteous and give your Nana the best send off EVER! Worry about your dad and his wife another day.
Your dad deserves alot of the blame. Be cordial in honor of your nana. But you need to rethink where the blame lies. Not all with her.
Speak to the room as 1 and keep it pushing
Just ignore her and if she tries to talk to your kids tell her this is not the time and place for this conversation and you will speak to her about it on another day that right now your main concern is laying your grandmother to rest.
Be nice and stay calm
Be there for your kids and
Say a lot of excuse me when she comes around
You just be the bigger person put a smile on your face it’s it’s your dad regardless of his mistake. You won’t let me be there Good days. You’re doing it for your mom nobody else
I think you need to have an adult conversation with them both. Just you and them. Let them know you harbor hard feelings about the timing of their affair and how difficult it was for you to have to deal with your mom’s illness and death as well as the affair. Let them both know you want them in your life but it may be a different relationship than what they desire. Let them know that your children can call her a “pet” name but it won’t be the same one that your mother was blessed with. Life is short and you don’t want to continue harboring a grudge.
First off my thoughts and hugs to you on the loss of your Nana. Respect your Nana by being the bigger person. The situation sucks all the way around be as cordial as possible and leave it at that.
I mean, your dad knew he was married and your mom was sick, he’s as much to blame as the new wife, don’t place it all on her. It’s your grandmothers funeral, don’t ruin it with hatred, suck it up for the day or few days as respect for your grandmother
Not just her though was it? Your Dadis as much (if not more) to blame x
This really makes your dad the scum bag, this woman had no commitment to your mother but But your father absolutely did
Out of respect for your Grandmother, you grit your teeth and bear it. But I bet they will both avoid you unless you talk first.
You are there to pay respect to your nana not to start or to be involved in drama. If she comes up to you just fake it till it’s over. Don’t go if the both of you can’t be adults about it.
Sorry for your loss.
I would have gotten a family member to run interference for me. Let them speak to her before I arrive and pass on my wishes that she do not speak or acknowledge me. I would not be forced into moving on about their actions when my mother was ill before I was ready to deal with it.
Tell her to go to h…
If she says anything tell her this isn’t the time or place and to go away from you simple
Go pay your respects to you Nana, respectfully. If they speak to you, kill them with kindness. You don’t have to be friends, but life is short and resentment is poison for the soul.
Your dad sounds like the ah, if anything she lacks morals. Tell your dad before you go what’s what and if she’s disrespectful tell her to stop.
Just be cordial and don’t lower yourself to any BS level.
We can only choose our own partners, not anyone else’s
So you forgave your dad for cheating on your mom but not the new wife? Damn you got issues!
Just be cordial but that doesn’t mean you have to talk with her like a long lost friend. Does your dad know how hurt you were by his cheating, or by her butting in on phone calls with his grandchildren? You might discover that she feels awkward as well, as she knows she was cheating with a married man. Perhaps you can ask for a meeting with her to air both of your grievances and explain that you love your dad and want a relationship with him, and how hard it is knowing what your mom went through, to give her a chance. A stepmom is not a replacement for your mom, but could be a friendly relationship if you tell yourself it makes you dad happy. It is also possible your mom knew and even encouraged this relationship knowing she wanted your father to move on with his life. Ask him?
Your Dad is just as guilty
You be an adult, stay clam! If she approaches you let her know, now it’s not the time or place, you are grieving your grandma & walk away. Keep your kids close & be there for them.
I know the feeling my mom passed late Nov 2021. Feb 2022 my dad went to visit an “old friend” there is neg. history during thier marriage. April 2022 I came face to face with this woman at my parents house with my kids at toe. Inside I lost my shit, how dare they! This is my mom’s house! She hasn’t been gone 6mns! Outside I was clam, polite & a little passive aggressive.
I had to remember my mom is gone, she isn’t coming back. My dad is lonely & deserves to be happy. I laid down the law with them about my kids. They respect that. My mom was my best friend! I am also the youngest & a daddy girl! I will not let a woman come between us!